


It Feels Like Gravity (When I’m With You)

by AiLaikHeda_OnMyBeda



Category: Glee, Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Betrayal, Denial of Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Endgame Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, F/F, F/M, Feeling Realisations, Feels, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Jealousy, Karamel (briefly), Lesbian!Lena, ReignCorp, Reigncorp (platonic love but they kiss), Slow Burn, Smut, SuperCorp, Time Jump, Virginity Loss, bisexual!Kara, human!kara, jealous!Kara
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-03-23 19:28:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 174,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13794642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AiLaikHeda_OnMyBeda/pseuds/AiLaikHeda_OnMyBeda
Summary: Glee Inspired Supercorp AUWhat happens when Michael “Mike” Matthews cheats on his girlfriend Kara Danvers? Distraught, Kara goes to the one person she knows won’t say “no” to her, Lena Luthor. After a steamy night, Lena makes it clear that this wasn’t just a hookup for her.What happens when Lena is left out in the cold when she see’s Kara turn back to Mike after his apology at school? What will happen to their friendship? Will Lena be able to forgive Kara for using her? What happens when the only thing between the two girls is hundreds of miles, and years they need to catch up on. What happens when life gets in the way of two kids trying to find their place in the world, and with each other?





	1. Linchpin

Linchpin. It was a word that Kara heard often, particularly in her Discovering Democracy class at school. Her biological mother Alura used to be a lawyer, and her father a scientist. So she was familiar with the word in their respective careers, and when it came time to choose her elective sophomore classes, Kara thought it apt to choose classes which could help her on her journey in following her parents footsteps.

She liked to think she was making them proud in wanting to make change to the world, but in the small town of Lima, Ohio, there wasn’t much change she could bring, particularly as a sophomore. But, she was determined as ever to honour her parents. It wasn’t until the end of her sophomore year that actually understood what Linchpin had meant.

Sure she could google a definition, or listen to the countless ways her teacher had explained it, but nothing ever truly sunk. The word still seemed foreign, until one day it didn’t. But that day was yet to come.

Speaking of making change though, Kara’s sophomore year was the biggest change in her high schooling life. Of course the transition of middle school to freshman was a wide awakening, but it just couldn’t top her sophomore year.

Her sister, Alex, a senior at Lima had warned Kara that sophomore year was the year that everything changed. It would be the year that the kids she had spent middle school and freshman year with, started to mature into the people they would soon be. It was the year of discovery, rebellion, drinking, and even sex.

And Alex had first hand experience with all those scenarios. Upon stating her sophomore year was also the unfortunate and hilarious beginning of Alex’s ‘goth phase’. Even Kara was afraid of how much her adoptive sister changed during the year, but luckily Alex was able to find someone who grounded her again, another sophomore, Maggie.

Alex now being in her senior year, was just itching to get out of school, out of Ohio and move in with her girlfriend. Kara didn’t mind Maggie, infact she liked the girl more than any other of Alex’s other past romances. Maggie was intimidating and fierce at first, particularly for her size. But slowly the layers peeled, and a softer side of Maggie was revealed. Her most favourable trait, in Kara’s opinion, was she never thought of herself as more superior than others, even as many seniors did, she had time for anyone and everyone.

Maggie’s wasn’t afraid to pull Kara in for a bear-crushing hug in the middle of the cafeteria, Maggie wasn’t afraid to go sit by Kara in the courtyard at lunch times in plain view of the entire school. Maggie wasn’t afraid to give Kara a lift home, or to school, all the while having N Sync and the Backstreet boys on full volume, and she definitely wasn’t afraid about yelling “Little Danvers!” at the top of her lungs each time she saw the younger girl in the corridors.

And while, for so long Kara envied what her sister and Maggie had, for a while it seemed, she couldn’t say she was jealous. A rather cute looking boy had joined the sophomore class at the beginning of the year all the way from Canada. He was a child prodigy, the next Joe Montana in quarterback history, and for some reason, out of all the hormonal girls who threw themselves at him with lust filled gazes and cringe worthy giggles, he took a liking to Kara.

The two shared a few classes together, Drama, Math and PE. At first it was just stolen glances and small smiles. Eventually it turned into waves, then “hello’s”, then soon enough, Kara found herself falling in love with the charming boy.

The seller was after he joined the school’s Glee Club, and Kara was assigned a duet with him. He was nervous and avoided looking at Kara the whole time, but his voice carried the soul of a thousand people, and the love of thousand hearts. He had later admitted that he only joined so he could spend more time with Kara.

It was a match made in heaven. Kara helped him with his monologues and performances in drama class, he really was woeful, and she helped him during math if he ever got stuck during algorithms or advanced trig, always allowing him to figure the answers out himself though, instead of just giving him the answers. And Mike helped the uncoordinated Kara in PE, he might have even saved Kara a few soccer balls to the face a few times aswell.

Their romance blossomed over the months and Kara couldn’t remember a time where she was more happy than she was now. Mike, wasn’t the only support network that Kara had though. She had remained close with almost everyone from middle school, including James, Winn and Lucy. Some friendships inevitably fizzled out as they do, but the most important friendship she had was with Lena Luthor, her best friend since kindergarten.

Lena was the person she could always turn to during a crisis, Lena was the first person Kara told when she came out as bisexual, and then went on to help Kara tell her adoptive parents. Lena, among Alex and her new adoptive family, was the one who consoled Kara after her biological parents death in a house fire aswell. And Lena had promised that on the day, every year, Kara would not be alone. And she had kept that promise for four years strong. She been with Kara through it all and she rarely wavered.

The only time the two were ever divided was when Kara started dating Mike. It wasn’t hard to see from an onlooking perspective that Lena loved Kara, more than how a best friend should, and once Kara started dating Mike, Lena distanced herself out of jealousy. In Lena’s mind, she wanted to be the one who could make Kara laugh like that, smile like that. She wanted to be the one to hold Kara, to kiss Kara, but she couldn’t.

Eventually Kara was able to re-establish a strained friendship with Lena, knowing full well that Lena thought Mike wasn’t good for her and would inevitably hurt her. She tried to ignore those things and decided that Lena was just over protective of her best friend, and she tried to not let the fact that Lena liked her interfere with her romantic relationships.

But in the end, it wasn’t Lena who interfered, it was Mike. During their months of dating, Kara made it clear that she would never give up her virginity if she wasn’t absolutely certain. Now, Kara wasn’t a prude, she didn’t believe in waiting until marriage, but she did believe in waiting until it no longer felt like an obligation.

Kara made it clear she would never have sex with Mike out of obligation, and Mike respected that, at least for a while. Slowly, Kara could see during their makeout sessions that Mike wanted more, it came to the point she had to stop their sessions so frequently that eventually something in Mike snapped.

During one of their sessions, Mike was atop Kara, running his hands along her thighs, despite Kara trying to subtly stop him. He then persisted up to Kara’s chest until she forcefully pushed back.

“Mike, stop.”

The boy atop tensed, then sighed before scooting off and taking perch on the side of the bed, his posture conveying irritation. “Can we have an honest conversation? The hole point about being boyfriend and girlfriend is that we hang out together so that we can appreciate and trust each other, intimately”.

“I totally appreciate and trust you” Kara defended, pushing herself up to a seated position.

Mike retorted instantly, his voice picking up. “Then what better place is there to explore certain aspects of ourself than here” He questioned.

Kara was ataken back at Mike’s annoyance. “Are you telling me that the only reason you hang out with me and all that is just so that I’ll let you touch my boob?” Kara spoke, her voice wavering slightly.

Mike pushed himself up off the bed into a standing position, “What? No, no, no, of course not. But I feel like you won’t even consider it.” He spoke, anger now evident in his tone, “Like you don’t care that it’s bumming me out”.

“I just don’t want to be pressured into doing something I don’t want to do” Kara retorted with just as much anger.

Mike shook his head, and stood staring at the ground, trying to compose himself. “Who is pressuring you, Kara? I’ve been the most patient, the most understanding. I mean I used to stop calling a girl if she let me in her pants within six hours” he bragged before he could stop himself.

“Ugh then go be with one of those girls!” Kara yelled, throwing a pillow at the now guilty looking Mike, “Go! Have fun!”.

The pair hadn’t talked in days after that, completely ignoring each other at school. Lena noticed immediately the drop in Kara’s usually sunny mood, but the brunette just shrugged away whenever Lena tried to gauge what was wrong. Even Alex hadn’t had any hope in talking to Kara, it got to the point where Maggie was about ready to knock Mike down in her Range Rover.

Eventually, one lunchtime in the days following, Kara walked passed a few cheerleaders who were giggling at a video of one of the Glee Club’s latest performances. Kara scoffed before walking off until one of the sprightly cheerleaders came boasting to Kara with a personal agenda.

“Hey! Look, I’d be happy to give you dance lessons. It’s really not that hard, not if you have the right partner, how do you think your boyfriend got so good at it?” The cheerleader watched as Kara straightened up at the insinuation.

“Oh... Mike didn’t tell you?” She feigned shock, “After your pathetic night of ‘don’t touch me there, I mean it Mike’, he came running to me, and we danced all night long”. She punctuated, only to rub it in further.

Kara shook her head in disbelief, it had only been a few days since they had spoken, and it wasn’t even a big fight in terms of couple arguments. Surely Mike hadn’t just skipped over to the next person for a good time. “No, Mike isn’t like that” Kara defended surely, refusing to believe the worst in Mike. That was her downfall, Kara Danvers always believed the best in people, “and even if he was, he would aim a lot higher than trash like you.”

If Alex were there, she would’ve been proud of her little sister st her savage retort, instead, the words washed over the cheerleader as she gasped loudly and clutched her heart feigning hurt. “That is slut shaming. You are using the derogatory label ‘trash’ for a females natural sensuality. It’s femophobic, neoretrogenderous, and a clear form of sexual bullying. And as this beautiful poster clearly states” she motioned to a ‘no bullying’ sign behind her, “this is a bully free zone. But I will be the better person and not report you to Principal Henshaw for immediate expulsion.”

Kara looked on at the petite girl, wondering how such big words could come out of someone so small, “anyway, you know that cute little mole on Mike’s right hip, and how when you kiss it, it drives him absolutely crazy?” Kara’s face morphed into betrayal in an instant as the words washed over her.

“Oh right, you wouldn’t know about that would you? Well trust me, he loves it.” Kara saw the girl’s mouth open and her lips move but she couldn’t hear a thing. She watched at the cheerleader disappeared from view with a smug smile and all she was left with was a whole in her heart the size of Ohio.

The end of lunch bell sounded as Kara made her way to Mike’s locker, who was now removing his books for English. He turned to Kara with a look of shock that turned into a small smile. “Hey, I was just about to come find—“

“Pull down your pants”. Kara demanded, not interested in any excuse the boy had to make. “I wanna see your hip, I wanna see if there’s a mole, I wanna see if she’s telling the truth” Kara huffed out in a breath.

Mike’s eyes immediately clouded and his smile dropped, answer enough for Kara’s question. “W-who—“

“Please tell me there’s no mole” Kara interrupted again. “Please tell me she’s just lying to screw with my head. Please tell me you didn’t really cheat on me, especially with her.” It all came out as a sob, and neither of the pair realised the small gathering that had surrounded them in the hall, Lena being one of them, and Maggie being another.

Mike let out a strangled breath as tears began to form in his eyes, mirroring Kara’s unshed tears. “Kara—“ he tried, leaning in close trying to console Kara.

“Stop! Just stop!” Kara sobbed as she pushed herself free of Mike’s grasp. She took off, the crowd parting an isle way for her as Mike stood there with his head against his locker. The last sound Kara heard before she walked out the front doors was a loud yell and a metallic _smash_ , as if Mike had connected his fist to the locker.

And if she stayed there a few moments longer, she would’ve seen Maggie walk up to him and give him the biggest slap of his life, leaving a sizeable red handprint.

Kara was left in a state of depression that even her sister couldn’t console. Her friends had completely dismissed Mike whenever he tried to talk to them, James had gotten into a blue with Mike during PE when he tried to partner up with Kara like he always used to. But the stares were the worst.

People all around the school gossiped that Kara Danvers was dumped by Mike Matthews because she wouldn’t put out, because she was a prude. It was completely false, and her adoptive family had contacted the school due to thr degree of bullying that was happening. It was the lowest point in her highschool career, until one night, Lucy invited Kara to a house party as her parents were out of town.

Reluctantly, Kara showed up. It was a costume party and she hadn’t had time to shop for anything, so she opted to go for last years Halloween outfit, her Supergirl costume. The shirt was a little tight, the skirt a title shorter, but it complemented Kara’s slender physique in all the right places. It would certainly draw the looks of many people at the party.

The house was packed with kids in her sophomore classes, some juniors aswell, even kids that Kara had never seen before. Lucy’s parents had inherited a large fortune from passing relatives, why they decided to stay in Lima Kara will never understand. The house itself was one of the biggest in the town, and the music could be heard from down the street.

Kids were dressed into all kinds of whacko, revealing costumes. It almost looked like a parade with all the decorations, eerily reminiscent of happiness that Kara once had. But she decided to shove those thoughts from her mind. There was no chance of Mike showing up thankfully, he was interstate at football trials, so Kara needn’t worry about running into him. But it wasn’t so much Mike she was worried about.

Since her break up, Lena had been oddly persistent to hang out with Kara, more so than before. Perhaps it was because Kara was no longer tied down in a relationship, but she couldn’t help think there was an undertone, particularly with all those longing looks Lena had been giving her.

It wasn’t an issue of attraction to an extent, anyone with eyes could see that Lena was exceptionally gorgeous, it’s just, Kara had known her for so long, and she valued the friendship she had with Lena and wouldn’t want to risk destroying it out of a failed attempt at a romance.

But after a few cups of vodka and coke, risks were the last thing on her mind. Kara slowly made her way down to the life of the party, her vision slightly quirky, but otherwise she just felt weightlessness and extremely eccentric. Alex was right when she said this was the year that kids rebelled.

Kara never was one for drugs, never understood the hype, but when someone offered her a small capsule and said “this will take you to the stars”, Kara was eager to try the capsule. It took about an hour to work, Kara thinking it was a dud, but when it finally worked, her entire world was blown.

The lights around her seemed bigger, brighter, and more concentrated, if lights could even be concentrated. She felt like she had the strength of Supergirl, the confidence of Supergirl, in fact, she felt like she _was_ Supergirl. Every single one of her sense were receptive and heightened, and she felt _good_.

With this new found confidence, she received even more side glances than she had before, many of them being from the football team but Kara dismissed them with a smug look. As she made it to the dance floor, she spotted a familiar face. Lena turned and noticed Kara staring at her, almost like she was hungry?

Immediately her vision was engulfed by the green from Lena’s eyes. She shamelessly took in Lena’s outfit, allowed her eyes to memorise ever inch of her best friend’s body. The way her black, sleeveless body suit clung to her curved hips and pushed at her ample breasts, even as a sophomore, Lena had more developed breasts than most women in their twenties.

How her fish net stockings accentuated her long legs, how her black heeled boots tapered off at above her knees, exposing a generous amount of thigh. The purple and gold lined coat she wore hugged underneath her breasts and had a large slit at the front and the back, really only allowing the coat to hang along the side of her legs while everything else was exposed.

Her smokey makeup had Kara almost shuddering at how intense Lena’s gaze was. The raven haired girl just stood there smirking, noticing the affect she had on Kara as the brunette took in her features. All it took was for Lena to seductively raise a perfectly sculpted eyebrow, and swing her pirate sword for Kara to lose all inhibition or care. For once in her life, she acted on impulse, consequences be damned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Kara is brunette, just like Marley in Glee. But she will be blonde soon enough, I have plans for this! Also, the Luthor name isn’t notoriously bad in this fiction. No powers or no evil brothers!
> 
> Lena is also super SUPER gay and has a massive crush on Kara, even though Kara is bisexual. And I’m not a mon-el hater, or even disliker for reference.
> 
> Let me know what you think, if I should continue :) I love hearing feedback and criticism.


	2. The Sound Of Walking Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *this chapter contains drunk smut*
> 
> I've been quiet aside you  
> While my heart in my chest shouts  
> Feeling silenced and lied to  
> But enough is enough
> 
> Now, don't come find me  
> I won't be here waiting  
> I so can do it alone  
> You're not worth staying
> 
> It's the sound of walking away

It wasn’t something she had been hoping to happen, but it was something she knew would happen. For as long as she could remember, Lena Luthor had been in love with Kara Danvers. From the moment the blonde first walked into her kindergarten class, Lena took an immediate liking to her.

Kara was like sunshine on a rainy day, she made Lena laugh, she stood up for Lena when the bullies picked on her because she was always shorter than everyone else. That’s not to say Lena couldn’t defend herself though, she could, very much so. But sometimes she liked being saved, and Kara Danvers was her hero. During the fifth grade, Lena had an immature relationship with her very first boyfriend, Jack, that was until Cindy Ryan ended up stealing him.

It took months of planning but Lena exacted her revenged by outing Cindy’s diary and publicly humiliating her. But if there was one thing Lena could thank Cindy for, it was the realisation that she never liked Jack, not in _that_ way. Her realisation only grew as she started to pay more and more attention to girls.

During PE lessons, Lena often caught herself staring way too long at the changing girls, her best friend Kara in particular. During her play dates with Kara, she enjoyed seeing the brunette in a bikini, and loved sharing the same bed as her more than what was considered normal. There was just something about Kara which captivated Lena the second she layed eyes upon the girl, and over the years, her feelings anonymously deepened for Kara.

Even in seventh grade, Lena sent Kara and anonymous valentine card confessing her love from afar, which Kara thought had been sent by the resident badboy, Jake Pukerman. It didn’t phase Lena though, she was glad that she could at least confess those feelings, even anonymously, it made them feel real

And even though Kara never looked at Lena in _that_ way, or thought of her in _that_ way, Lena still had hope. After all, it wasn’t like Kara only swung one way, and Lena had enough thoughts about herself and Kara for them both. And when Lena finally came out about being gay in the eighth grade, Kara welcomed her with open arms.

Lena was lucky for her family and friends being so accepting of her, even if her mother was a little upset about Lena not having grandchildren, which Lena dutifully reminded her mother that such things as sperm doner’s and surrogates exist. But after hearing Maggie’s coming out story, how her family abandoned her and rejected her out onto the streets, Lena truly felt blessed.

There was never really time where Kara was disappointed in Lena, or avoided Lena. She had always made Lena’s business her business, and her business Lena’s business. The two were practically joined at the hip, but that was until Lena just happened to be in the middle of the corridor watching one of the hardest things she’s ever had to watch.

Kara Danvers rarely cried. Sure when she broke her arm falling off a swing, or split her head open she cried, and on every anniversary of her parents death she cried, but never had she cried over something so trivial as a boy. And the sight of seeing Kara’s _always_ sunny face, twisted into hurt and betrayal made Lena’s heart ache.

Tear tracks glistened on Kara’s rosey cheeks as Lena watched the confession fall out of Mike’s mouth, and before she knew what had happened, Kara was no where to be seen and Mike had his head against the locker, a purplish bruise already forming from the monstrous hit Maggie had laid on him.

Lena tried to text Kara, to call Kara, but the brunette was ignoring everything. Lena waited for Kara at her locker, outside of classes, but each time Kara just shrugged away from her. It was excruciating to watch the girl she loved cry over someone not worth her tears, not worth her love. Lena empathised with Kara on nearly every level, when Kara cried, Lena cried, when Kara hurt, Lena hurt, when Kara was happy, Lena was happy, it was just that simple. So seeing Kara walk around the school her head held low as her eyes always looked red and puffy, it was excruciating to Lena.

Sure Lena hoped that Mike would’ve treated Kara right, and sure Lena warned Kara about Mike’s tendencies which had followed him from Canada to Lima, but Kara refused to see the darkness in anyone, Kara only had room for love in her heart. And she had learned the hard way that sometimes believing in people is not enough.

So there Lena was, at a house party on a Friday night, without her best friend. She knew Kara had been invited, but she doubted the girl would show, Kara never really was one for parties. But Lena was surprised when she saw Kara inching her way down the stairs in her Supergirl suit, even tighter than she remembered.

Her jaw hit the floor as she took Kara in, and she wondered how Mike could be so stupid to throw away the greatest thing on earth. If it were Lena, she would’ve kept Kara by her side, and waited for Kara, always, as long as it took, because Kara was worth it.

But apparently the brunette didn’t seem to share the same thought processes. Every time Lena tried to remind her of her own worth, and how special she was, Kara blushed and denied it, ever so humble.

But humble was far from what Kara looked tonight. Her brunette locks were curled perfectly, sitting plump on her shoulders. Her toned legs were mouthwatering in those knee high red boots, and her shirt clung to her like a second skin, revealing her athletic and toned figure underneath.

Green eyes met blue across a sea of bodies, and Lena was lost in the depths of Kara’s eyes. Never had the brunette looked at Lena like that before, infact, that was the look Lena usually gave Kara every now and again specifically to make her feel uncomfortable, and a flustered and uncomfortable Kara was the best Kara. But this was not the Kara who she was staring at now, far from it.

The bass of the music was a distant echo in the background as Lena followed Kara’s every move as the girl waded her way over. Lena sensed it immediately, Kara had been drinking, not a lot because she was able to compose herself while walking, but something else seemed odd about Kara. Perhaps it was the way her eyes resembled saucers, and her face was physically buzzing with happiness.

She looked, by all other means, how Kara used to look, exquisitely beautiful and euphoric. This was the Kara that Lena loved, not mopey, mumbling Kara that the brunette had been the last few days.

Before she knew it, Kara had grasped Lena’s arms and leaned in to whisper in Lena’s ear, the tickle of her breath sending shivers down Lena’s spine.

“Come with me.”

Three little words was all it took for Lena’s feet to start moving beneath her. Three little words it took for her thoughts to fly out the window, and her moves to become autonomic impulses. If Lena hadn’t been so enraptured by the sight of Kara so willingly leading her away up the stairs to the bedroom’s, she would have seen the stares, and heard the hoots from the student body.

Kara pulled Lena through an open door, closing it immediately behind them, and before Lena could get a word out, Kara had her back pushed against the door. Kara’s body was hot, and flushed against Lena’s own as her lip’s attacked Lena’s hungrily.

It was by far the hottest Lena had ever felt, the most turned on she had ever felt. Not even her nudie mags or lesbian porn made her this uncomfortably turned on. The kiss was everything she dreamed of, and Kara’s lips were so soft and sweet, she never wanted to stop kissing this girl. But then Lena remembered that Kara had been drinking, and Kara might not be in the right state of mind.

“K-Kara” Lena breathed between kisses, mentally thumping herself for being the better person to check in with Kara while the girl she loved pulled at her lips.

Kara pulled back slightly annoyed, her pupils blown and her hair ruffled. “Lena, shut up and kiss me” She demanded, and in an instant, her lips were back on Lena’s and her tongue was brushing along Lena’s lips, begging for entrance.

“Kara... you’ve been drinking” Lena tried again, pushing Kara away this time.

Kara shot Lena an irritated look. “Do I _look_ drunk to you?”

Lena contemplated for a minute, it was highly unlikely that sober Kara would ever be this braisen. “No, but—“

“So you’re telling me you haven’t been thinking about this moment for years?” Kara interrupted.

Lena tensed. It wasn’t exactly as blunt as Kara put it. Of course she wanted to ravish Kara, and ruin her for anyone else, but she also wanted to make love to Kara, and love Kara entirely. “You know I have”, was the best Lena came up with.

Kara softened at Lena’s confession before she took a step back. She roamed Lena’s face, sensing how nervous the girl had gotten since her confession. Slowly, Kara removed her cape, then her top, followed by her shirt and boots, leaving her in a lacey bra and panties.

Lena gawked shamelessly. She had seen Kara in a bikini countless times, but this was different, this meant something different, and the atmosphere in the room was entirely different. Tentatively, Lena took a step forward, resting her hands on Kara’s hips, admiring her toned, slim figure, raking eyes eyes up and down Kara’s body before she stopped on Kara’s lips.

She released a nervous breath before capturing Kara’s lips with her own softly. She backed Kara into the bed, never breaking the kiss while her hands wandered around to the small of Kara’s back. She traced the tiny dimples on either side of Kara’s spine before she went lower and groped at Kara’s ass, a long time dream of hers.

Kara squeaked through the kiss, the vibrations tickling Lena’s lips enough that she had to pull away. Kara was grinning at her like Kara does, not an ounce of seduction left. Lena bit her bottom lip to ease the lingering vibrations, then leaned back in to nibble along Kara’s neck.

The brunette arched away, allowing Lena access as she was being pushed down onto the bed. Lena crawled on top of Kara, wedging her knee between the apex of Kara’s thighs, and brunette moaned at the contact.

Lena felt as the damp patch between Kara’s legs increased as she gradually applied more pressure. She sucked overly hard on Kara’s pulse point, sending a spark down to her clit.

“Please, Lena” Kara moaned as she pushed herself up, trying to receive the much needed pressure that Lena was denying her.

“Shhh, love” Lena cooed.

Kara’s blue eyes gazed at Lena desperately, and Lena placed a gentle peck on Kara’s pouty lips before licking a path atop them, then down Kara’s chin, down her throat, past her sternum, and down to the swell of her covered breasts. Kara gripped the sheets underneath her as Lena’s tongue began tracing a torturous path right to where Kara wanted her.

Lena unclipped the bra, thankful it was at the front and not the back, and Kara’s breasts were revealed in all their perfection. Lena attached her mouth to a stiffening nipple, lashing her tongue along its peak while her hand came up to give the other nipple some attention.

Kara whimpered underneath her, grinding herself further on top Lena’s thigh. Lena worshipped Kara’s breasts equally before the brunette was a wanton mess. Reluctantly, Lena detached herself, smirking at the small moan Kara gave at the loss of pleasure, but Lena had someone else she needed to be.

She crawled back down the bed and rested her hands along Kara’s lengthy thighs, parting them. She trailed her hands along the milky flesh, gauging Kara’s reaction on where she was most sensitive. The brunette had a particularly sensitive spot just by her groin on her left thigh and Lena exploited that, eliciting a series of giggles which warmed Lena’s very being. Lena looked up at Kara, the brunette had her eyes firmly shut, and Lena dropped her hand atop Kara’s covered mound, resting her thumb on Kara’s clit.

She gave three tight circles of Kara’s clit which sent the brunette jerking upwards, hand drawn to her mouth to muffle a light scream. Her baby blue iris‘s disappeared behind blackened pupils. Lena eased Kara back down onto the bed running the pads of her fingers along Kara’s chest.

“Lay back down for me, love. I’ll make you feel better”, Lena cooed once again, trying not to be overly smug with Kara’s reaction.

Lena stopped her teasing and lined herself down infront of Kara’s centre. She darted her tongue out and took a curious lick of Kara’s slit through her panties. Kara muffled another cry, her hand coming to tangle in Lena’s raven locks.

Swiftly, Lena pulled Kara’s ruined panties aside and enclosed her mouth around Kara’s dripping lips, running her tongue up and down Kara’s sensitive centre. The brunette tried not to squirm, and tried not to scream, but it was a losing battle as Lena’s skilled tongue ate her out.

“You can be as loud as you want Kara, no one will hear you over the music” Lena reassured, and with that, Kara released an ungodly moan, startling Lena.

She continued to lap eagerly at Kara’s lips, carefully avoiding her swollen clit. Once Kara was wet enough, Lena circled a single digit lightly at Kara’s entrance. At Kara’s nod, Lena slowly inserted her finger, feeling Kara’s tight, hot walls stretch around her. She began pumping at a steady pace, gradually adding a second.

She could feel Kara’s walls constrict around her fingers as scissored her fingers and brushed the pads of her fingers over Kara’s most sensitive spot. Eagerly, she finally took Kara’s proud clit into her mouth, sucking with such a ferocious power.

It was the biggest, most loudest climax Lena had seen. The movies just didn’t do it justice enough. Kara’s entire back was arched, her rippling stomach muscles taunt with coiled pressure, her monstrous moan now faded into a silent scream. It was a flood out of her body, a musky wetness coating Lena’s eager hand and mouth. She lapped eagerly at Kara, coaxing her down from an almighty high.

She could only imagine how much more amazing it must have felt after what Kara had ingested before. She crawled her way back up Kara’s limp and exhausted body. She pulled the covers up and over them, lightly running her fingers through Kara’s hair as the brunette snuggled closer to her.

Lena could sense Kara dozing off, but if she didn’t speak now, she was afraid she never would. “Kara?” She murmured.

In inaudible sound was returned.

“You know how I feel about you right?” Lena began, she could feel Kara’s muscles tense beneath her hands. “I... I’m afraid this will be just a one time thing and... it was amazing but... I don’t want this to be a one time thing. I don’t want to forget or pretend this ever happened because... I like you, Kara, a lot.” Lena spoke nervously, trying not to scare Kara away with her confession of love right after sex.

Kara lifted her sleepy head to stare at Lena. No words came out of her beautiful mouth, but she smiled, a sweet smile and kissed Lena’s jaw. Lena tried not to let the ache in her heart set in, she tried to remind herself that this was enough, at least for now.

* * *

It was the longest weekend she could ever remember. On multiple occasions, she asked Kara to hang out, as they usually did on weekends, and each time Kara came up with a reason as to why she couldn’t. At first it was she was helping Alex, then it was she was doing homework, then it was she was grounded after her adoptive parents found out she had been drinking.

But Lena could sense the lies through Kara’s texts with ease. She tried to not dwell on it and turn it into something it’s not. She told herself that she would just see Kara at school, and that everything would be okay.

So she remained optimistic and rather excited to see her best friend, that was until she felt heart be ripped out of her chest. She wanted to surprise Kara with Plumeria’s, the brunettes favourite kind of flower. She was heading over to Kara’s locker during third period to sneak the flowers in, that’s when she heard voices, Kara’s voice.

Carefully, Lena peered around the corner and saw Kara, her back was facing Lena and she was talking to Mike. She tried listening, but the distance was too far to hear anything comprehensible. She took a few deep breaths, pushing away her anxiety and nasty thoughts.

Kara would _never_ just use Lena for pleasure like that, only to return back to Mike a few days later. Kara was too beautiful, too nice to do such a thing, at least that’s what she told herself. She convinced herself that she was okay, that _they_ were okay, but those thoughts shattered when she saw Mike engulf Kara in a chase kiss and a deep embrace.

Lena’s heart stopped in her chest, the pain she felt in that moment was insurmountable. She couldn’t draw her eyes away, she just couldn’t. She was stuck there like a statue, feeling her heart being repetitively stepped on each second longer that Mike held Kara, and the worst part was Kara _let_ him. Perhaps it did mean nothing to Kara after all, perhaps Lena meant nothing to Kara.

The ringing of the bell was enough to rip Lena from her suspended state. She drew in large breaths of air, fighting the tears which threatened to spill. She dropped the plumeria’s as a rush of students entered the hallway for next period. And when the hallways were finally empty, she crashed against a locker and let the tears fall down, the flowers mangled and broken beside her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you guys think, I love feedback on where I can improve!  
> Also I haven’t given up on my other two fictions, my 100 fiction update is being edited (I don’t have a beta so it takes time), and my other Supercorp is still being written! 
> 
> I had a hectic February so I couldn’t write much! I also have a bad habit of coming up with a new fic idea and spend time writing that instead of my current ones! Updates will not be this quick, I just had inspiration for this!
> 
> This won’t be incredibly long fiction . I’ve started chapter three and with it’s content there won’t be a long line of following chapters. Although I’m thinking of splitting this into a two part series though.
> 
> Anywho, check me out on Twitter @AiLaikHeda__ for details on fictions, aswell as the usual Supercorp and Clexa fluff I share!


	3. Let You Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feels like we're on the edge right now  
> I wish that I could say I'm proud  
> I'm sorry that I let you down  
> Oh, I let you down  
> All these voices in my head get loud  
> And I wish that I could shut them out  
> I'm sorry that I let you down  
> Oh, let you down
> 
> I'm sorry  
> I'm so sorry now  
> I'm sorry  
> That I let you down

Ignoring Lena was the last thing Kara wanted to do, but what was she supposed to do after what Lena had said that night. She didn’t like Lena in that way, did she? At least she didn’t think she did.

She didn’t regret sleeping with Lena per say, it was more so the circumstances she slept with Lena in, she wished she hadn’t for the sake of their friendship. Nothing good ever happens from sleeping with your best friend, Kara had seen it in the movies all the time. Even though they were fiction, not everything about them was entirely inaccurate.

She had debated all weekend on whether or not she should respond to Lena or talk to her at school. She decided for the latter, having believed it was best to put some time and space between them, so she could collect her thoughts. She thought about her feelings mostly, whether or not she could even reciprocate what Lena felt. She wasn’t entirely surprised by Lena’s confession that the girl _liked_ her, but she was surprised on the way she couldn’t give Lena an answer in return.

Part of why their friendship was so special was that they were able to talk to each other no matter how awkward the conversation was. Sometimes they refrained from saying things, but whenever they did say something, it was never left in a suspended conversation. Whatever it was, it was worked through.

She had thought about it a few times though, the possibility of Lena and herself, but the more she thought about it, the more she valued her friendship with Lena rather than risking it for a potentially failed relationship. She cared for Lena, and she loved Lena, she always would, just not in the way Lena did for her, not _yet_ anyways.

What she hadn’t seen coming was her reunion with Mike. Love was a fickle thing. She promised herself she wouldn’t crawl back to Mike, or let him hurt her again. She had forgiven Mike, that was just the person she was, it didn’t mean she forgot though, but there she was, trusting him again because again, that’s who she was. She still loved Mike, and love doesn’t just disappear overnight.

Kara firmly decided that after the weekend, she would talk to Lena indefinitely. She was just itching for the bell to go to signal the beginning of fourth period, theatre, when she decided she would take a _bathroom break_ , so she could already be waiting for Lena after the bell went.

As she made her way to her locker to put her things away, she heard a familiar voice. “Kara?”. She would’ve recognised that voice anywhere, except now it didn’t have the familiar warmth to it. Now, it no longer left butterflies in her stomach, and no longer made her heart thump just a little harder than usual. Only two people had ever made her feel that way, Lena happened to be one of them, and Mike _was_ one of them.

Kara ignored the voice, straining all her attention on her books. She was able to block Mike out of her peripheral vision, focusing so hard that the little crinkle Lena loved so much appeared in between her eyes. Lena really _loved_ that crinkle. She must’ve read the spine’s of each book ten times in the time it took Mike to cautiously make his way over.

“Kara? Kara, please, please just listen” he spoke slowly, his voice cracking with emotion.

Kara all but whispered, not allowing any of the tears already forming in her eyes to fall as she turned to face the person who a few days ago, broke her heart. “Talk. Thirty seconds, go”.

“I miss you, every minute of every day, and I know that I screwed things up really badly, and I’m sorry.” Mike huffed in emotion, “I have no excuse. I was an asshole and I ruined the greatest thing I could ever have. I’m trying to be better Kara, I _want_ to be better for you, and I didn’t realise how much I hated the person I was... hated the person I am when I’m without you. I know what I lost and I know that I can’t be without you. I need you, I don’t want to be this asshole anymore, and you were the only one who could make me a better person, a good person”.

”I’m not here to fix you, Mike” Kara interrupted.

“I know, and that’s why I’m here, to make it right. I messed up Kara and nothing can excuse that, but I promise you, I will spend every day making it up to you, if you can give me the chance”.

Kara shook her head, the words rattling around her mind like a roller coaster she just couldn’t comprehend. “Mike I... I’m sorry. We gave it a try and it just wasn’t right—“

“Please, Kara. One chance?” Mike persisted.

The short silence between them was deafening, until Kara finally relented and held up her index finger. “One... you only get one, Mike”.

“Thankyou. I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry, Kara” Mike gushed as he pulled Kara in for a hug.

Kara convinced herself that it was for the best, that she could trust Mike again without the heartbreak. She convinced herself that it would be what’s best for her and Lena, that her rekindled relationship with Mike might be the solution to her conflicted feelings and everything could just go back to normal. If only she knew.

They stayed there like that for a few minutes, even after the bell went and the halls bustled with students, both of them completely oblivious to the raven haired girl sobbing behind the corner, slid up against the lockers as her entire world crumbled around her.

* * *

Lena spent the night crying into her pillow. She spent the night wishing ungodly things about Mike, and how he didn’t deserve Kara’s forgiveness. She changed her pillow case at least twice from her tears, she had never cried so much in her entire life.

She wanted to be happy for Kara, and she tried, harder than anything she had ever tried at before, but she just couldn’t. She couldn’t be happy knowing that Kara didn’t choose her, that Kara would never choose her. She could never be happy knowing that Kara had gone back to the man who cheated on her, who hurt her.

She could never be happy watching them from a distance as she wished it were her with Kara. And she could never be happy loving Kara while Kara didn’t love her back, not after they crossed a line that best friends don’t cross.

Lena wasn’t expecting a relationship with Kara, she wasn’t expecting a full blown romance, but she expected more than to be pushed aside like a used piece of trash. Because that’s what she was, right? Kara had seduced her, and Lena, played a small role in that and consented like a big girl, but Kara had used her when she was hurting, then shoved her away when she was okay.

And Lena wasn’t naive like Kara was. She knew that things couldn’t go back to how they were, she knew they couldn’t pretend like nothing ever happened, at least it was only her who thought that.

Lena had escaped Kara for the rest of the previous day, despite Kara’s now retuned phone calls and texts. And Lena had successfully managed to convince her mother to allow her a few sick days, which wouldn’t impact on her stellar attendance record. Despite Kara’s frantic texts, even receiving some from Alex, James, Winn and Lucy, Lena turned her phone off ignoring them all, wishing for the earth to open up and swallow her whole.

Lena couldn’t escape Kara on Friday however. She had exhausted her mother’s patience and had to return to school, and if it couldn’t get any worse, there was a change in her fifth period PE class. Coach Tanaka and Coach Sylvester’s PE classes had combined for the day due to a maintenance issue in the gym and as a result, Lena’s PE class was scheduled at the same time Kara’s was.

Lena had seen her from a distance. The brunette hadn’t noticed her yet. The sun was partially on one half of her face and her smile was as radiant as ever, while Mike’s arm draped around her shoulders. Despite the issue with the frame, Kara looked ethereal, and happy. At least that makes one of them, Lena thought.

* * *

Kara was happily waiting by the bleachers with the rest of her class, knowing this was her time to finally talk with Lena. She waited, and watched as Lena’s class made their way over. She spotted her raven haired best friend, but Lena looked away with a scowl the second she saw Kara. The brunette faulted slightly, Lena must of been having a bad day.

Kara made her way over to where Lena was leaning against the bleachers alone, uninterested in listening to one of Coach Sylvester’s protein seminars, as she explained the importance of why protein was good for you, and why everyone should have protein.

“Oh my god! So you’ll never guess what happened!?” Kara whispered excitedly once she reached Lena, still completely oblivious that Lena’s mood was directed at her. The girl gave a quick glance at Kara before looking away disinterested, kicking the grass beneath her feet.

“Lena... are you okay?” Kara prodded, placing her hand on Lena’s shoulder.

Lena shrugged her off immediately, the touch feeling cold and distant. She planted a feigned smile on her face, “Kara... how lovely to see you on this beautiful day.” She exaggerated sarcastically.

Kara huffed at Lena’s theatrics, something was really off. “Lena... if something is wrong, just tell me. You don’t need to be all square about it”.

Lena chuckled lightly, not at all in the way that Kara loved to hear. No, this was a cold and heartless chuckle. “Why? Why would something be wrong? And why would Kara Danvers care? It’s not like you ever did anyway”.

“ _Lena_!” Kara exclaimed, unaware that her volume had captured the attention of both Coaches and students from afar.

Coach Tanaka made way to intervene but Coach Sylvester stopped him, smirking to herself about how this was like a real life episode of _The Bold and The Beautiful_ , having already known what the confrontation was about, despite only hearing muffled voices from the girls as they spoke due to the distance. Coach Sylvester had a knack for figuring out people’s secrets usually before they did, not to mention that _Kara Danvers and Mike Matthews have gotten back together_ had spread like wildfire around Lima.

“Just forget it Kara, just forget about me, forget about “ _us_ ”, you did it so easily before.” Lena turned to leave before the brunette grasped her wrist.

“Lena, _what the hell?!_ ” Kara shouted, her baby blue eyes piercing through Lena’s stoic mask. “First you ignore me, then you act like total pants to me, now youre walking away from me!.”

If Lena hadn’t felt so withdrawn and betrayed by Kara, she probably would have giggled at Kara’s choice of ‘swear’ words. She glared where Kara had grasped her wrist like it was toxic to her skin. “Kara, I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about” Lena continued with sarcasm, only riling Kara up further.

Kara tentatively released her grasp and stood with her hands on her hips, a pout in place. “Really? Are you just going to act like you ignoring me never happened, even when I tried to reach out to you?”.

“Well I learn from the best. That’s what you do, isn’t it Kara? You pretend like things never happen.” Lena spat venomously back at Kara, who took a step back having never seen this side of Lena before. If she was honest, she didn’t like it.

Kara looked closely at the girl infront of her, and no matter how hard she looked, she did not recognise the face before her. The eyes she loved to lose herself in had glassed over, the smile Lena always sprouted when around Kara was wiped clean. Instead it was replaced with a twisted anger.

“Lena, I... can we just talk? Can you let me explain?” Kara pleaded.

“Explain what?!” Lena exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. Both girls were still oblivious to the group of students gawking at them, drinking in every muffled word like a dramatised reality show. “How Mike cheated on you? How you slept with me, for what? Revenge? Because you wanted to feel loved? Because you needed someone? Guess what Kara, you already had me and my love. But not anymore.”

Mike started moving forward, having heard his name in a furious rage leaving Lena’s mouth. Kara turned and raised her hand cautiously, hoping he’d get the message. Thankfully he halted his movements.

Kara stood there stunned for a few moments, trying to formulate a sentence. “Lena I never meant—

Lena interrupted, “To hurt me? How did that not cross your brainless mind, Kara? How would sleeping with me, then leaving me, even after I told you I was practically in love with you not hurt me?”

“You’re... you’re in love with me?” Kara stuttered, all the flush draining from her cheeks to leave them ghostly pale like she was about to hurl, which didn’t go unnoticed by Lena.

There were whispers amongst the crowd of students and a heavy silence fell between the girl’s as Lena eyed Kara. “ _Was_. I _was_ in love with you Kara. But now, I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear anything from you anymore” Lena growled before turning on foot, only to stop momentarily, “In fact, I don’t even want to see you anymore. I know now who you really care about.... and I was just collateral. And for the record, Mike will never love you the way I did, someone like him isn’t even capable of that love, and you? You deserve so much more. _Deserved_ so much more.”

Lena stormed off leaving Kara gaping like a fish, halfway between agony anger.

Losing Lena was different. It was not like losing Mike. Losing Mike was painful, but losing Lena was an endless agony, and then some. Kara only assumed losing Mike was what heart break felt like, but losing Lena felt like her entire heart had been ripped out of her chest, arteries and all. Watching Lena walk away from her had left a whole in her heart the size of Lima.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn this fiction! I go to bed then suddenly an idea pops in my head, then I’m up writing into all hours of the morning! This chapter isn’t as long as the last ones but I think you’ll enjoy what’s coming!
> 
> I’m considering playing this out past highschool to where Lena does become CEO and Kara and reporter and there will be a reunion of sorts. I’m still planing, but let me know what you think. Also! I’m considering doing my interpretation of the shooting episode in Glee season 4. It will be a pivotal moment for our girls, so let me know what you think?
> 
> All comments are welcomed, the comments and kudos is what motivates me to continue! Come annoy me @AiLaikHeda__ on twitter! I’m taking prompts/questions and hellos!


	4. The Reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a perfect person  
> There's many thing I wish I didn't do  
> But I continue learning  
> I never meant to do those things to you  
> And so I have to say before I go  
> That I just want you to know
> 
> I've found a reason for me  
> To change who I used to be  
> A reason to start over new  
> And the reason is you

Losing Lena was different. It was not like losing Mike. Losing Mike was painful, but losing Lena was an endless agony, and then some. Kara only assumed losing Mike was what heart break felt like, but losing Lena felt like her entire heart had been ripped out of her chest, arteries and all.

Mike had tried comforting her the day of the confrontation with Lena, but it just didn’t feel the same. Mike was soft, warm and everything Kara remembered he could be, but it didn’t feel as how it used not. There was an emptiness in her heart that not even Mike could fill, not anymore. Kara just assumed that she had to learn to trust Mike again before those feelings returned.

Though, not even Alex or Maggie, who usually could, could not comfort her. She didn’t need to tell them what happened, it had already escalated around school that Lena Luthor had walked away from Kara Danvers. The two girls were known around the school as being inseparable, so watching one leave the other was definitely something to talk about.

Alex had taken Kara to the ice cream parlour that day in attempt to bring a smile to her little sister’s face, but the only thing she could see was pain. Alex didn’t prod or push Kara to say anything, she just sat there, letting Kara know she was there to talk if her sister needed.

Kara stayed silent mostly, replaying her conversation with Lena over and over. Lena had admitted she was in love with Kara, and yet again, Kara couldn’t even form a proper sentence. The only times she did talk was when she complained that the ice cream tasted bland. Kara Danvers _never_ complained about ice cream.

Twice now her best friend had told her she loved her, and twice Kara had felt like a fish out of water. Even after all the time she spent trying to understand how she felt, she still came up empty handed on where she stood with Lena and her feelings, or more accurately, empty hearted.

She didn’t give in though, Kara Danvers wasn’t a quitter and she was motivated to make things right with Lena. She was a little naive in her thinking, even Alex had cautioned her, but If there was one person Kara could absolutely not lose in her life, it was Lena. No matter how confused she felt, she always knew she needed Lena. That had never changed, and will never change. But how could she fix things when the raven haired girl had been gone with the wind for several weeks.

The girl was gone from glee, from PE, even failed to show up for her debating team which Kara knew she absolutely loved. Lena loved to rip people a new one in debate, and she never failed to impress Kara in how well and professional she composed herself. Lena Luthor truly was something else.

Kara had almost begun to believe that Lena had left the school, until she caught sight of Lena fiddling with the prop sets for the school musical. A familiar flutter filled her heart, and Kara couldn’t stop the sheepish grin forming on her face. Lena hadn’t noticed Kara staring, she was too busy perfecting her brush strokes. Her tongue was pointed out in concentration as Kara admired her from afar, her black locks falling behind her ears, her green eyes squared down on the cardboard she was painting on, her soft milky skin illuminated by the stage lights above her. She looked, _angelic_.

And for a second, Kara forgot about everything, everything except how beautiful Lena looked in that moment. But then the girl looked up, and that feeling drained from her body the second she saw the pain in Lena’s eyes, and if Lena held her gaze just a little longer, she would’ve seen it reciprocated in Kara’s own.

A few weeks of rehearsals went by like that, Kara trying to steal glances and Lena and scramble a free moment to talk to the girl. But whenever rehearsals were over, the girl was gone. She tried catching Lena after class aswell, but the girl ghosted on her. It was near impossible to even see the girl once a day, whereas she used to see her all day everyday. The empty space in her chest only grew, and continued to grow each day she was without her best friend.

* * *

“ _Lena Luthor!_ ”

Her mother’s voice rung throughout their household, echoing down the halls. Lena had expected it though, her mother’s reaction. Over the past couple weeks, Lena had been ditching the classes she shared with Kara, mainly PE due to the untimely and ongoing maintenance issue. She had also been skipping Glee Club which she had only joined in freshman year due to Kara begging her to. She had been snapping at the teachers, missed a chemistry test and was on the verge of letting her 5.0 GPA plummet south.

Her parents wouldn’t necessarily be mad even if her GPA wasn’t so high, despite what people assumed. Lena came from a very prestigious family. Her father Lionel was bioengineer, had his masters in business and economics and ran a multi billion dollar company, L-Corp. Her mother Lillian was an internationally renowned neurosurgeon with recognised work in using gene therapy to treat Alzheimer’s, both of whom graduated from MIT.

Her brother Alexander also happened to be studying Astrophysics and Astronomy at MIT. Often the stigma around her family was that Lena was expected to follow in their footsteps and was expected to be a high achiever. While she wanted to follow in her fathers footsteps, never once was greatness expected from her. Instead her parents raised her to try her best, and praised her when she did. They told her that her best would always be enough, low GPA or not, if it was Lena’s best then that was okay.

But Lillian Luthor getting multiple calls and emails about Lena’s slipping grades was certainly not okay. So Lena begrudgingly shuffled her way out of her room, down the stairs and into the dining room where her mother sat poised in a high rise seat which looked more like a throne than anything.

She noticed for the first time how quiet the house was without Kara’s loud antics creating a ruckus ever few seconds. The brunette certainly had a presence about her, one that Lena couldn’t stand to be around anymore.

“Sit”. The words were sharp and cold once she reach the table. Usually this demeanour was reserved for special occasions.

Lena gulped a ball down her throat and tentatively raised her eyes to meet her mothers. Without another word, Lillian slid a piece of paper over to Lena, its contents;

_Dear Mr and Mrs Luthor,_

_We regret to inform you of this matter, however, Miss Lena Luthor has been marked absent for one or more of the following subjects/extra curricular activities on several seperate occasions:_

_Physical Education_  
Debate  
Glee Club

_It has also been brought to the school’s attention that your daughter has failed to attend a chemistry test worth 20% of her grade. As you know, your daughter was on sponsor for a scholarship during her junior and senior years. We request and immediate appointment at your earliest convenience to discuss these matters, as such behaviour will not be tolerated._

_Sincerely,  
Principle Henshaw_

When Lena’s eyes met her mother’s for the second time, she found nothing but disappointment.

“Lena” Lillian exhaled, “what is going on— and don’t say nothing.” Lena sunk back in her seat, her protest dying in her throat. “I noticed when you came home and locked yourself away, I also noticed the tear marks on your pillow. I noticed you’re not eating, and I noticed that you haven’t mentioned or seen Kara in weeks. Now, I gave you time and space, hoping you might confide in me, but you didn’t, which I was okay with. But then I get a letter from your school, telling me you’re at risk of losing your scholarship that you worked so hard for, that’s not okay. So tell me, what is going on?”

A few traitorous tears slipped over Lena’s eyes, and she watched as her mother almost crumbled in her seat. Lillian shuffled over to her daughter, wrapping her arms around Lena, allowing her daughter to rest into her chest, her resolve breaking completely.

“I loved her, mum” it was barely a whisper, and Lillian’s heart almost broke at the pain in her daughter’s voice.

“Who, darling?” Lillian asked gently, stroking her daughter’s hair behind her ears.

“ _Her_. I loved _her_ and I lost _her_ ” Lena spoke again with more emphasis, and Lillian seemed to understand as her grip only tightened around her sobbing daughter.

Lena was glad she was able to finally release the load she had been carrying on her back, she was glad that someone else finally knew. But it also meant admitting that it were all true, and not just a terrible dream which part of her kept hoping for.

It meant that Kara really had chosen Mike, and Kara didn’t want her, yet another reminder, as if she didn’t have enough of those already.

“I’m sorry, my darling. I’m sorry.” Lillian cooed, and Lena seemed to understand the depths of her words. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Just hold me?” Lena sobbed, letting the tears fall harder than they ever had before.

* * *

Lena’s missed classes and test were thankfully taken care of after a generous amount of convincing from her mother, and a favour that she would attend a careers day for all the senior students wanting to become doctors or scientists.

Despite one issue being fixed, it gave rise to a whole new other, Lena had to start attending all her classes again if she didn’t want her gpa to slip, more specifically, her classes with Kara. And she had to do community service, which turned out to be working on the theatre set for the upcoming musical _Grease_ , being performed by the glee club.

This only meant that while Lena was learning her song scripts and role during her spare time, she still had to be around Kara during rehearsals. It was painful, watching Kara and Mike parade around the stage as Sandy and Danny, respectively. Lena scoffed to herself, _Danny_ , of course Mike would land the lead role next to Kara, even though he looked nothing like Danny.

Even Winn was a more suitable Danny than Mike, and Winn could even sing better aswell, surprisingly for the computer nerd. It was sickening to watch the girl she loved dance around with a man who would never be worthy of her love. But after what Kara did, Lena wasn’t so sure Kara deserved much better.

It was on a particularly long day after school that Lena was one of few people left in the auditorium. It was the last day of her community service and she decided she would leave earlier, considering the set was practically finished.

On her way to the backstage exit, she bumped into Kara, clad in her tight leather fitting Sandy costume, heels and all. Lena’s breath caught in her throat at the sight, but it fizzled away when she remembered who she had bumped into. If their friendship wasn’t ruined, she probably would have made a flirty joke and watch Kara get all embarrassed and flustered, instead she pushed past Kara without a second glance, her _best friend_ having been like acid to her eyes.

“Lena?” She heard her name faintly as she tried to rush away, apparently not fast enough though as the tell tale sounds of clicking high heels eventually caught up to her. Escaping from Kara never was an easy feat for the Luthor, especially since Kara’s legs went on for miles.

“Hey!” It was as though the voice was right behind her and Lena couldn’t help but turn with a growl. “Lena Luthor. Friends do not walk away from friends. They talk, they communicate and find a solution.” Kara spoke as she came to a stop.

It was the first proper look Lena had had at Kara, just the two of them, in weeks. She would’ve made a comment about how beautiful Kara looked in her costume if they were still on speaking terms, but she remembered their current situation. “Friends? Is that what you think we are?” Lena raised her brows questioningly.

“Of course!” Kara failed miserably to convince herself.

“Really? Were you not present the last time we talked?” Lena asked, taking a step closer, “because I thought I was a torch.”

“What?” Kara replied baffled.

Lena smile encouragingly, “You know, you take me out when it’s dark, you hold and close and use me as you please, and then when it gets light again... you lock me away like I never. even. existed.” Lena punctuated, her voice turning cold at the end.

“Lena... you’re not a-a-a torch” Kara stuttered, covering her body with her arms as if Lena’s gaze was cool enough to stare a hole right through her. Either that or she felt self conscious in her costume, but frankly, Lena couldn’t care less.

“Could of fooled me.” Lena snapped, turning back around to the exit.

“Please Lena... I just want to explain.” Kara pleaded. Any other time, Lena wouldn’t be able to resist Kara’s pleas, but she found the courage to do so.

“And what exactly is there for the great Kara Danvers to explain, huh?” Lena raised her arms in question.

Kara’s posture dropped into a slouch, “I didn’t want to hurt you...” she whispered.

“You didn’t want to— aha...” Lena chuckled coolly, taking yet another step closer to Kara so she was within arms reach. “I’m pretty sure we’ve already covered that, but because you’re so adamant about it, tell me Kara, on what earth is sleeping with me, ignoring me after I tell you how I feel about you, which I’ve be feeling for years by the way, only for you to get back with your lieing, cheating ex, not in the category of ‘hurting me’?”

Kara’s eyes glistened with unshed tears, and any other time Lena would’ve been ready to demolish any person who even though about making Kara upset. But the brunette had done this to herself. “You’re right Lena... I messed up and I’m trying. I’m trying so hard to fix this, I don’t want to lose this, _us_.” Kara gestures between herself and Lena.

“What _us,_ Kara?! Get this through your head, there is no fixing _this_ and there is no _us,_ there never was an _us_!” Lena roared at Kara, mimicking her action and causing the tears to finally spill over Kara’s baby blue eyes.

“We all make mistakes Lena!” Kara returned with as much ferocity, “How much longer are you going to punish me for mine?”

“Punish... punishment?” Lena scoffed aloud, shaking her head in utter disbelief. “ _Oh_ no, Kara. _This_ , _this_ is not punishment. _This_ is me doing whatever it is I have to do to make it through. You really have no idea...”

“I’m sorry Lena!” Kara sobbed, “If maybe you’d just explain to me then maybe I would know. I dont care that you’ve given up—”

Lena interrupted, “ _Stop_! Just please stop.” Lena brought her hand to the bridge of her nose, scolding herself for why she began to entertain this conversation in the first place.

She took another step forward, now close enough that she could feel the warmth of Kara’s ragged breath. “Kara, listen to me, and listen closely” she cautioned, “I don’t want your apologies, I don’t want your pity, and I don’t want your friendship. I’m done. Please, I’ve already asked you once, and I’ll ask you again now, please respect that and just leave me alone. I can’t stand to know you in a world where you chose _him_ over me, where you’ll _always_ choose _him_ over me, and where you love _him_ and not me.”

Lena turned and marched away from Kara yet again, leaving the brunette stranded. The tiniest portion of her wanted to forgive Kara, it begged her to forgive Kara and to just let her have her best friend back. The tiniest portion of her hated seeing Kara the way she was, but the majority of her internal conflict had won.

She wasn’t over exaggerating when she told Kara she couldn’t stand to look at her. It was painful, on every single level. Knowing that for a fraction of time she finally had everything she ever wanted, she finally had the girl she wanted literally in her hands, and that there might have been the tiniest possibility that she wanted Lena too. Only to have everything ripped from her grasp like a bandaid off a scab.

It was an endless pain knowing that she had Kara, only to lose Kara. It made her wish she never had Kara in the first, just so she wouldn’t have to feel this pain every second of every day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read a few comments about the shooting idea, so for those who haven’t seen Glee, it’s not exactly a shooting episode per say, although a gun is accidentally fired. So it’s not anything horrible, it was merely an episode to prove a point, an awakening. So that’s what I’d be doing if I end up including that! 
> 
> Sorry if you think this chapter is repetitive of last, Kara is just a persistent little bean. Hope you enjoy this quick update! It’s not super long, the juicy parts are next chapter and will take longer to update, this is kind of a filler, so stay tuned for next chapter where things really heat up + more characters! The love last chapter really inspired me to get this out so yeah.
> 
> Also if you haven’t noticed - the summaries are song lyrics, and the chapter titles are the song names. Just a few sad songs for you ;)
> 
> Hit me up on twitter at @AiLaikHeda__ if you have any questions!


	5. Here Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm here without you baby  
> But you're still on my lonely mind.  
> I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time.  
> I'm here without you baby  
> But you're still with me in my dreams.

_Soft hands were fluttering up and down, up and down her sides. A cool breath was ghosting over her shivering skin followed by a wet tongue drawing a path from her navel up through the part in her breasts and flicked lightly over her lips._

_Her hands were pinned voluntarily above her head and she couldn’t ignore the intense throb between her thighs as soft hands turned strong and anchored her body firmly to the bed by her hips. She bucked in a desperate want, aching to feel a familiar touch, but strong hands held her down. Lips ghosted over her own teasingly before they brushed gently against her own and gave her one light kiss._

_She was panting hard now, desperate for anything she could receive from the person above her. The incessant tongue tracing curious paths over her breasts was driving her mad. She had never felt so aroused in her life, she was sure she’d come just from the teasing if she wasn’t given release soon. But then she heard a voice. A soft voice, a familiar voice._

_“I love you, Kara”._

Kara sprung up like a bullet fired from a gun, her body tense, sweaty, and an unsatisfied wetness pooling between her thighs. The last thing she remembered seeing was green, the shimmering emerald of her favourite pair of eyes, familiar green eyes staring down at her with nothing but desire and love.

It was the third night she had awoken from a wet dream of Lena. It was the third night she was left restless and unsatisfied while she tried to fall back to sleep, only to fail miserably. Kara even resorted to trying to relieve the pressure on her own on the third night, but again she failed miserably.

It just wasn’t the same, and it was not how she wanted, _who_ she wanted. Lena had so easily brought her to the verge of climax in her dreams, but in the real world she was left disheveled and desperate. Her romantic life with Mike had still been non-existent, despite his more than subtle attempts since their relationship picked up. He was better, but he still wanted more, more than what Kara thought she was ready to give to him.

Kara chalked her dreams up to her not being able to fill her needs, but even when she thought about Mike as her hand traveled south, it didn’t help her cause, she still ached for _someone else_. She tried not to let her mind wander to Lena, her raven locks splayed over Kara’s hips as her mouth worked skillyfully in Kara’s heat, but eventually she had to. She was coiled as tight as she ever, and felt she might combust without warning if she didn’t do something soon.

The _Grease_ rehearsals had also been taking up a monumental amount of time in her schedule, leaving her tired and irritated, and susceptible to those explicit thoughts about what Lena had done to her, not only in her dreams but for real, what Lena _could_ do to her. She hadn’t tried to talk to Lena since their run in the previous week, despite the brunettes longing looks, she was far too embarrassed to even face Lena after the explicit dreams she’d been having.

She was positive, if given the chance, Lena would realise straight away just by the shear embarrassment that would be written all over Kara’s face. But it was a good thing she didn’t notice, it would just be another bad thought for Lena, _Kara Danvers is embarrassed by wanting me like that._

On more than one occasion she had noticed Lena looking at her during rehearsals, more frequently when she was dressed in her leather get up for the final song of the play. That certainly didn’t help the furnace burning in her gut. But as strange as it was, Kara found herself preferring Lena’s constant looks rather than Mike’s. The boy might have well held up a giant sign reading ‘ _I have a boner’_ , it was that obvious the affect that Kara was having on him dressed like that.

Slowly, Kara was spiralling down a rabbit hole she couldn’t climb back up, a rabbit hole that was the eternal abyss of her thoughts and feelings, and what sister would Alex be if she hadn’t noticed her sisters spiral.

Maggie and Alex had fifth and sixth period free one afternoon, and decided to sneak into the auditorium to get a sneak peak of play pre-production. But they had come on a bad day. It was fifth time Kara had forgotten her words to the song, and it was the third time she had missed a step in routine, causing Mike to shuffle backwards, toppling over an unfinished set prop. It also didn’t help that his strong scented cologne was making Kara gag every few seconds, she’d much rather prefer Lena’s sweet, vanilla scent.

If she was with Lena, she’d probably joke about how boys needed to drown themselves in body spray to mask their body odour, sometimes even more than their odour. But since losing her best friend, Kara had been bottling everything up. She no longer had her rock, the person she turned to for everything, whether it was boys, her anxiety, school, or even how Mr. Schuester had been on her case about learning the words and moves to the songs.

Which in Kara’s defence she had, it was just difficult when everytime she caught Lena’s intense, virid gaze at her, she remembered how the thought of the girl had gotten her off to the second biggest climax ever, the first being when Lena had actually touched her.

Usually Lena would make fun of whoever had Kara feeling bad, she would pull Kara into a sweet embrace if that’s what the girl needed. Lena was there for her, had always been there for her, but Kara had abused Lena’s trust in an unforgivable way. And now Kara was left with herself, a silently overflowing bottle.

After the particularly tiring day, Kara wanted nothing more than to fall into Lena’s arms and just take solace in the comfort of a strong embrace, instead she had Alex and Maggie, which wasn’t too bad in comparison, but still, it wasn’t Lena.

The brunette towered over her adoptive sister and Maggie in her black stilettos. Maggie not so subtly raked her eyes up and down Kara’s slender figure, only to let out a low wolf whistle, earning her a sharp elbow to the gut and a glare from Mike who had been watching the interaction none too please.

“ _Oomf!_ Sorry Al, but can you blame me? Your sister is hot, and I have eyes”. Maggie chuckled, clutching her side, giving Kara’s body a quick glance again.

Alex rolled her eyes, “and the only reason you get an elbow and that’s it _is_ because she’s my _sister_. Now stop being disgusting with your mental threesome.”

Kara chuckled and shared a smirk at the shorter girls antics. She was glad Alex was able to find someone as amazing as Maggie, her sister certainly deserved it. Even if Maggie checked her out sometimes, she knew the shorter girl would never, _ever_ betray Alex’s trust.

The two girls were probably the most important people in Kara’s life now since Lena’s departure, and Kara loved them with all her worth. Which is why Alex noticed immediately when Kara’s smirk was replaced with a frown.

“Kar? You okay?” Alex cooed, reaching out to pull her sister in for a hug.

With Alex flush against her, Kara melted into her arms, a mix between sobbing and chuckling when Maggie entered the embrace at the side. “It’s just hard... I miss her and I can’t even tell her I miss her.”

Alex rubbed soothing circles on Kara’s back. “I know, I know. But Kara, you are the strongest person I know. You will be okay”.

Alex and Maggie still didn’t have the full story about what happened, only Lena and Kara did, but both girls knew not to pry on Kara’s life and just continue to be there for the little Danvers in every capacity they could. Alex had threatened a few times to smack some sense into Lena, but Kara had snapped at her sister almost violently not to touch Lena or say a word to Lena, it wasn’t her fault.

As much as Kara wanted to tell them and dump the load off her shoulders, she couldn’t. Maggie had an extremely tough life before finding solace in Alex, as did Alex in her. And partly why Kara refused to talk about her issue with Lena was because she knew Maggie would never look at her the same. The shorter girl had some big trust issues, and she had made that very clear to Alex in the beginning of their relationship. By telling Alex what happened, Maggie would potentially find out, and Kara couldn’t risk losing someone else important to her.

But a gnawing feeling kept digging a hole into Kara’s very existence and it had nothing to do with her sister or Maggie. Sooner or later Mike would find out, sooner or later it would all come to the surface and it wouldn’t just be Kara and Lena who knew, everyone would.

It scared her half to death, not the possibility of losing Mike again, or even his reaction, but it scared her because the only thing she really had left of Lena was this secret. This secret between them was all that reminded Kara of her friendship with Lena, and while this secret was the very thing which shattered her relationship with Lena, it still meant that she had Lena in some kind of capacity.

So she drunk in every ounce of love that Alex and Maggie could give her in the embrace, she would need it.

* * *

She was glad that Kara had finally taken the hint, but she also wasn’t. She missed Kara dearly, but her hurt, anger, and feelings of betrayal outweighed missing Kara ten fold. That’s not to say she wasn’t surprised when Kara would barely even look at her anymore, because she was.

Finally she had gotten through to her ex-best friend, but she didn’t feel so victorious. Part of her was hoping Kara might come up and say something, just to remind Lena that the girl was alive and well, but it never came. Instead a different kind of storm came, nothing like the sun shower that was Kara Danvers, this was a full blown monsoon.

Lena was collecting her books for mathematics when her locker slammed shut with a _bang_ , almost catching her fingers between the door and the sides, but catching the very unwanted attention of James, Winn and Lucy who happened to be staring awkwardly at the confrontation.

Lena turned to glare a hole into the intruder’s very existence, but she was caught off guard when she saw Mike. She had never spoken to Mike one on one before, in fact, she had barely spoken to him before. Maybe a few smiles and quick “hello’s”, but she had never had a proper conversation with the boy.

Before Lena could get two words out, Mike raised his voice, loud enough so Lena could feel the slight spray of his salvia when he spoke. She wondered if Kara had ever noticed his unhygienic habit before, probably so when they played tongue twister, Kara probably got the VIP experience. Lena shuddered at the thought.

“Look I don’t know what’s going on between you and Kara, but you need to stop it” Mike ordered, his voice full of questionable authority.

Lena wiped her eye in mockery, “Say it don’t spray it, and what do I need to stop? What is it you think I could have possibly done, Mike?”

“I don’t know what you’ve done” Mike faltered slightly, “And I don’t care. Only that it’s affecting Kara”.

Lena’s eyes widened in a glorious shock as the realisation hit her. This had to of been too good to be true, like staring a gift horse in the mouth, and Mike was the gift horse. A very unattractive gift horse in her opinion, “Has Kara not told you?” Lena asked, overly intrigued.

“Told me what?” Mike asked questioningly.

Lena hadn’t even noticed the arrival of Kara as this point, too engrossed in the hundreds of sinister little ideas running through her mind. But then she remembered, while she doesn’t like Mike, and would do anything to watch him squirm, despite her fallout with Kara, she still would never intentionally hurt Kara of her own volition. As much as the idea intrigued her, she could never bring herself to hurt Kara like that.

This was Kara’s secret to tell Mike anyway, surprised that she hasn’t, it was still hers to tell, and Lena wasn’t about to potentially ruin Kara’s relationship with Mike out of spite or revenge. Part of her humanity still remained she figured, it didn’t mean she couldn’t have a little fun teasing though, and let the gears turn themselves in Mike’s empty head. So maybe Lena was a tad vindictive.

“W-What’s going on?” Kara stuttered, catching the attention of Lena.

Lena eyed Kara for a moment, noticing the brunette failed to really look at her, like she was guilty of something, something other than using Lena like trash. But Lena didn’t care to take notice of such things in Kara’s life, not anymore. “You haven’t told him yet, have you?” Lena questioned.

Kara’s eyes met Lena’s for the first time in ages, and Lena was taken aback by the intense blue of them. “Lena... don’t”. Kara cautioned, angling her head at Lena in warning.

Lena looked to Mike and saw the confusion flash over his face, and a hint of anger. “ _Yikes_ ”, Lena said feigning worry.

Kara narrowed her eyes at Lena’s antics, and Lena raised her hands in surrender, “Hey it’s not my secret to tell. But you guys have a good chat”. Lena chuckled as she gave Kara a pat on the back, not at all missuing how Kara tensed under her touch.

Lena walked away with a slight hop in her step. Yep, she was definitely vindictive. This might have been like Cindy Ryan all over again, just without the months of planning, instead it only took seconds. It definitely felt as victorious as Cindy Ryan, except with that, there wasn’t a tiny part of her calling to her better Angels that she shouldn’t have done what she just did.

* * *

“Kara?”

“Kara?”

“Kara!” Mike rose his voice, nudging Kara from her trance.

“What is she talking about?” Mike asked expectantly.

Kara spluttered and coughed away at the spit that had found its way to the back of her very dry throat after Mike startled her out of her thoughts. She was hoping it was a dream, that Lena hadn’t actually drip fed Mike curiosity about their hookup, _her_ Lena would never do something like that. But this wasn’t _her_ Lena anymore.

It dawned on Kara, she had only ever known Lena as _her_ Lena. She never had the experience as not being friends, or with being at odds against Lena. She had no idea the kind of person Lena was when she was without her. And kara would be lying if she said she wasn’t scared, not that Lena was evil, or a serial killer, she just knew the girl enjoyed an even score.

Years of playing Mario Kart certainly taught her that, except this was more like _Mario Kart: The Stab Your Friend In The Back Adventures_. But Kara couldn’t complain, she had this coming, she knew it was coming, and she wasn’t even friends with Lena anymore. What better could she expect?

It was her own risk not to tell Mike, and perhaps Lena really was just looking to even the score. She couldn’t imagine Lena wanting to hurt her intentionally, that was definitely not the type of person Lena was, friends or not, maybe this was just Lena’s way of coping or rising above. _Rising above._

“Umm... Mike, I uh... I” Kara stuttered, unable to form her thoughts into proper sentences.

“What?” Mike answered cool and flatly.

Kara took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “I slept with Lena”.

She was expecting something, anything. To be slapped, to be pushed, even to be yelled at. What she wasn’t expecting was complete silence. She reluctantly opened her eyes and took in Mike’s stoic form.

He blinked a few more times before responding, “So you cheated on me?”

Kara’s face scrunched up in disgust, because she _hadn’t_ cheated on him, if anything she cheated on Lena when she got back with Mike, at least that’s what the infuriation within her told her to believe. “I did _not_ cheat you on! _You_ cheated on _me_. And _I_ left you because of that. Anything I didn’t in the space of that time was entirely as someone not committed to _you_ ”.

Mike shook his head in denial, “You cheated on me Kara. You can tell yourself you didn’t but the reality is—

 _“I CHEATED ON LENA. NOT ON YOU, MIKE!”_ Kara roared, before she could stop herself. 

Before Kara even knew what was happening, a small brunette was inbetween the two, giving Mike what looked like the fiercest look he had ever seen, judging by his reaction. _Maggie_. Her sister’s girlfriend was like an inferno when she wanted to be, an inferno not to be messed with.

Kara didn’t register that Mike had left, she hadn’t registered that Maggie had pulled her into an empty classroom, and she hadn’t registered that Maggie was now cradling her sobbing, shaking body whispering reassurances.

She couldn’t tell how long they stayed like that, only thankful that Maggie had the decency to pull her into the privacy of an empty classroom, and that it was Maggie who was there, god forbid Lena having come back to see the state Kara was in and noticing Mike was missing.

Kara focused on her breathing like she had been taught as her vision tunneled and the world closed around her. _In two three, out two three. In two three, out two three._ Her panic attacks used to be a frequent occurrence after her parents death, but now they were a rare occurrence. It took her a few minutes to collect herself, and a further few moments to noticed Maggie was asking her something. “What?” Kara sobbed.

Maggie chuckled lightly, brushing a strand of hair behind Kara’s ear, “I said, what do you mean you cheated on Lena? Is that what the last several weeks have been about?”

Kara swallowed thickly, pulling out of Maggie’s touch, not wanting the elder girl to see her as she admits the inevitable and hears the tell tale signs of Maggie storming out of the class. “I slept with Lena... and she told me she liked me... but then Mike came back and everything happened so quickly that I didn’t even realise I had hurt Lena the way I did.”

Kara exhaled loudly, preparing herself for Maggie’s dinosaur feet as she left, but it never came. Kara tentatively turned to see Maggie squatting on the ground with a wide toothless smile. “You slept with Lena?” She grinned even wider, “good on you, little Danvers!”

Kara chuckled half heartedly, “maybe you missed the part about Mike, and how I hurt Lena?”

“Ppft, that garbage can? _Please_ ” Maggie sassed, earning a proper smile from Kara, “Listen little Danvers, people make mistakes. Lena is a big girl and I’m sure she understands you made a mistake. But you can’t expect people to just forgive you... these things take time. I should know. And it’s hard to be on the receiving end, but put yourself in Lena’s shoes.”

“What do you mean?” Kara questioned, wiping at her eyes, and in turn, lightly smudging her mascara.

Maggie pouted sympathetically and leaned in to run her thumb along Kara’s under eyes in attempt to fix the mess. “I’m not saying you are, or that you aren’t. Hypothetically, if you loved Lena, and she came to you, and you finally had her and did... the _thing_ ” Maggie exaggerated with her hands, “but she ended up leaving you for someone else. Someone you know is nowhere near her worth. How do you think you would react?”

Kara thought for a few moments before Maggie lightened the mood, “You’ve got the crazy gene Little Danvers, it skipped a generation and fell to you. You’d probably light the bastard alive, right?” Maggie chuckled, lost in her realistic thought of it all.

“Uh no. That sounds like something you would do!” Kara retorted, amused.

Maggie fixed her with a warm smile. “Touché. But just think on it, okay?”

Kara nodded and fell into Maggie’s open arms as the elder girl sat beside her. Maggie began playing with the stray stands of Kara’s hair similar to how Alex dis whenever Kara had a bad day. Before she got too carried away, and allowed her body to float into the relaxation that Maggie was so lovingly providing, Kara mumbled into Maggie’s shirt “Please don’t tell Alex”

“What?” Maggie chuckled, pulling away slightly. “That sounded like garbeldy goop, Little Danvers, use your words” Maggie encouraged, and Kara almost burst with laughter.

Maggie always had a way to make Kara feel at home, even from the worst of situations. ”Please don’t tell Alex” Kara repeated again, more clearly.

Maggie sucked in a deep breath, contemplating if she should tell the sister of the girl she had been consoling for thirty minutes, who also happened to be her girlfriend who she told everything to because _trust issues_. “I... I won’t. But you promise me, you come to me, okay? Cause If I find you like this again I won’t hesitate to call Alex.”

Kara nodded her head into Maggie’s shoulder, as Maggie resumed her previous ministrations. It didn’t even bother her that by the end of the day she had completely missed rehearsals and would receive an earful about it tomorrow.

* * *

As Lena walked off down the corridor, she debated going back to see the events that would unfold. When rehearsals came and she noticed that Kara was missing in action, she most definitely wanted to stay back. Not so she could bask in the glory of it all, but because she genuinely felt bad for Kara, and hoped that the brunette wasn’t in a state she knew Kara could be in. Rarely did Kara miss class, specifically not Glee club, so she must not have been good at all.

Lena thought on it, and left it for regretting not texting Kara either. She wanted to just find out if the girl was alright, but she doubted Kara would even reply if she did. How things had become so messy and petty in the last few weeks. Lena would never have thought of doing something like this if she were still friends with Kara, those kind of thoughts never even crossed her mind, let alone her enacting one. Kara always brought the best out in Lena, and now that the brunette was gone, Lena figured it was her demons poking through.

Losing Kara must have taken a bigger toll on her than she thought. While she wasn’t walking around sobbing, she noticed it in other ways. She rarely smiled anymore, even when listening to her favourite British Girl band. She had lost interest in activities she used to find fun when Kara was around, even her grades, despite being back at all her classes, while not bad, were not as good as they were when she had Kara in her life.

And when she woke in the morning, there was no surge of joy about the fact that she would get to see Kara that day. She _really_ missed that. So as she lost herself in her thoughts, which she also seemed to be doing frequently, as if the real world wasn’t good enough anymore without Kara, she hadn’t noticed Mike come frumping over to back stage to her.

The clearing of his throat was enough to bring a smirk to Lena’s face. She could tease him all she wanted, hurting him wouldn’t hurt Kara, that much Lena was sure of. “So I take it you haven’t done it yet?” Lena prodded.

“ _Excuse me?_ ” Mike seethed through gritted teeth, his fists clenching at his sides.

Lena was internally laughing at the rise she was gloriously getting from the boy. “ _Oh please_ , I know why you’re here, Mike. You can cut to the chase.”

Mike smiled triumphantly. “You are disgusting. You realise Kara doesn’t like you, she loves me. You were just a fling, Lena. You meant absolutely _nothing_ to her, you _never_ meant _anything_ to her. Your little plan failed Lena, Kara and I are better than ever.” Mike said proudly.

Lena would be lying if she said his words didn’t strike her at her core. With a new vigour she eyed him down. “So tell me this, Mike, if I’m so unimportant and you and Kara are _better than ever, and you are God’s gift_ ” Lena emphasised in a put on manly voice, “why haven’t you done it yet, but I have?” Lena retorted amusedly, watching Mike’s twist in anger.

“I’m waiting until she’s ready” he huffed.

“Like you did last time? I mean I don’t blame her if she’s taking her time... I am pretty impressive with my hands, and with my tongue” Lena emphasised her words with gestures of both her hands and tongue.

If Lena wasn’t so caught up in her smugness she would have seen Mike’s hands steadying at his sides in clenched fists. And just like that, a maroon headed blur was infront of Lena, pushing Mike backwards for the second time today.

But Mike only acted with respect to the sister of the girl he may or may not be dating still. He turned and walked away, steam practically shooting from his ears. Lena then noticed the last person she’d expect to see in a long time, _Alex_.

“Lena, are you okay?” Alex asked, placing a hand on Lena’s shoulder.

Surprisingly it felt warm, it must be the big sister in Alex shinning through. “Yeah I am, what’s wrong?”

Alex removed her hand and started fiddling with her jacket zipper. “I wouldn’t ask you if I had another option but... have you seen Kara? She’s not here and I can’t reach her, or Maggie.”

“Last time I saw her was before rehearsals” Lena answered truthfully, and Alex nodded. “But when you find her, can you let me know if she’s okay?”

Alex gave another curious nod at Lena’s request and took off up the auditorium to the corridors. Lena went back to work running over her lines for rehearsals, but found it hard to concentrate as her mind kept flicking back to a certain ex-best friend. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted chapter 1 on wattpad incase anyone comes across it, wattpad is so weird...! And yes this is intense, and yes hurtful things are said and done, but I have a plan and reconciliation at work! Also I split this into two chapters so it doesn’t get lengthy. The resolution comes next chapter.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! It’s gotten super intense! Let me know what you think or if you want anything to happen! I’m considering changing the intro plot a little bit depending which way the story goes!! Until next time! 
> 
> (Also, I had a monumental crack up when I thought of an alternate way this fiction could go in the space of a paragraph, if you want to have a good laugh let me know if you wanna read my alternate paragraph!)


	6. War of Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *WARNING* some smut
> 
> I can't help but love you  
> Even though I try not to  
> I can't help but want you  
> I know that I'd die without you
> 
> I can’t help but be wrong in the dark  
> 'Cause I’m overcome in this war of hearts  
> I can’t help but want oceans to part  
> 'Cause I’m overcome in this war of hearts

Lena was still stuck at school in the auditorium after most kids had left rehearsals. The community service had back tracked her progress in learning script lines so she was spending an extra hour behind each day to catch up on missed hours. But this time she was more focused on her phone than anything else.

Since Alex had come asking for Kara in a panicked state, Lena couldn’t help but worry herself that Kara had indeed truly been hurt, knowing full well that Alex would’ve only come to her as a last resort. This only piled to the guilt she was feeling about the incident. But _why_ was she feeling so guilty. This was _nothing_ compared to what Kara had done to her, this was a walk in the park compared to that.

She had been fine with doing it before hand, even telling herself that Kara deserved a taste of her own medicine. That Kara couldn’t just keep pretending like nothing ever happened. This was only retribution. But why was she so torn up about it? Why, after the realisation that Kara was hurt had she suddenly cared. But the real question was, why did she still care about Kara anyways, she was meant to hate Kara wasn’t she? At least that’s what she tried to convince the brunette and herself of.

Missing Kara and loving Kara was utterly exhausting, and Lena found herself getting more and more miserable as the days passed by. She had even begun to think about checking in to the schools councillor once a week so she could vent away her anger and issues.

Lena knew her feelings wouldn’t just evaporate over night, real feelings never did. She had been trying her best to keep them in check, her feelings of anger and betrayal outweighing the small but constant care she had left for Kara. But this time, the anger and the hurt just wasn’t enough anymore. It was slowly slipping away leaving Lena more vulnerable than ever.

When she realised that Alex must have forgotten to text her if Kara was okay after finding the girl, it only made Lena worry that much more, and want to text her instead, even though they hadn’t texted in weeks. Kara was no longer her number one, the first name she saw in her text messages, infact, Kara’s name wasn’t even visible on her screen anymore.

But she had to know, despite everything and anything that could ever happen, there would always, _always_ be that lingering thought about Kara. But to her luck, she needn’t have to. Kara had silently crept up to Lena while the girl was rehearsing lines, both of them now standing on opposite sides of the stage.

Lena was relieved for all of a few seconds seeing the girl was okay before she let the anger seep back through and her stoic mask reappeared. “So how’s Mike?” Lena asked, trying not to convey too much interest.

“Mad” Kara shrugged, like it wasn’t much of a concern.

Lena was shocked by Kara’s lack of anger towards her. “Pfft. Like he has a right to be” she snarled. “And you both?” Lena prodded further, hoping that Kara said they were through. Not because she wanted to swoop in next to Kara, well she did a little.

Kara ran her hand through her brunette locks and sighed, “I dont know... relationships don’t exactly fare well when the other person can’t even look at you. So I dont know.”

Lena could sense that there was something Kara wasn’t telling her. The brunette never really had been good at hiding things from Lena. “You really are something else, Kara... Why didn’t you tell him?” Lena asked, hoping to coach out whatever Kara was refraining from saying.

“I dont know... Why did _you?_ ” Kara snapped back, and continued before Lena could say anything, “That was a _really_ dick move.”

Lena’s jaw hung open in shock, partly because it was the first time she had heard Kara say a legitimate curse word, but also because she couldn’t believe her ears. Had Kara really just said that? Like had she really just said that. Like Kara had an imaginative brain and Lena used to adore Kara’s creativity, but this was something else. What kind of person did she think she was saying that, after all that she had done? Then she had the _audacity_ , the _nerve_ to call _Lena_ the dick.

Lena tried not to let the rage pour out of her, and took a minute to compose herself before she said something she could not take back, or never forgive herself for saying. “So _I’m_ the dick?” Lena gestured to herself in disbelief before shaking her head. “Doesn’t surprise me you didn’t saying anything coward, Uh Kara” Lena corrected herself over an intentional cough. “I guess you really were trying to pretend _it_ never happened”.

Kara didn’t seem phased by Lena’s retort at all, if anything she had more fire to her tone. “I’m not the _only_ one who was pretending Lena. Why didn’t _you_ tell _me?_ ” Kara almost yelled.

“Tell you what, Kara?” Lena sighed, exhaustedly.

“That you loved me?” Kara blurted, “You don’t just spring that on someone after sex... Why didn’t you tell me you loved me?” Kara almost whispered, and Lena was taken aback by the vulnerability in her voice. “That’s what friends do, Lena, they talk and communicate, they don’t hide things and sit on them for years building up a swell of resentment”.

“Why did you ignore me?” Lena clapped back. “You know I came to you, that Monday back at school. I wanted to do something special for you, so I got you those flowers you always used to stop and look at by the gardens at the mall. I thought, ‘Kara will love this, and maybe even, if I was lucky, Kara might love me’. Even a little bit, I would be okay with. But then I saw you there, you were with Mike.” Lena’s voice dropped an octave.

Kara looked absolutely defeated and her features were engulfed in empathy. “Lena... I never knew. Why, _why_ didn’t you tell me?” Kara almost pleaded.

“It doesn’t matter...” Lena shook her head, “You would never of felt the same way, even if you weren’t with Mike”.

Kara tilted her head, stepping closer to Lena. “How do you know that? Why are you _always_ so quick to assume things, Lena?”.

Lena looked up directly into Kara’s eyes, allowing the brunette to feel the intensity of the moment. “It’s not an assumption, Kara, I can see it in your eyes, even now. If you loved me I would’ve seen that too. You wouldn’t be looking pained right now, you wouldn’t pity me or my feelings. I’ve known you long enough to tell when you like someone Kara, I was just never enough to be one of those people.”

Kara stepped closer again, now only a few feet from Lena. “Lena... you will always be enough, for me, for anyone out there lucky enough to be with you. I don’t know how I feel, Lena. This is all still confusing, all I know is that you were my best friend, and I _needed_ you. I still _need_ you. So please... can we just work this out? You said you couldn’t stand the thought of knowing me, while knowing I chose Mike over you. Well I can’t stand to live in a world not knowing you at all”.

Lena scoffed, “Yeah, it’s a little late for that, Kara. You made it pretty clear you needed me for all of ten minutes before you dropped off the face of the earth” she spoke incredulously. “You don’t get it Kara, you changed when you were with mike. You acted different, you dressed different, you spoke different, all for what? So you could have his love? His approval? What you couldn’t see was I already loved you, and despite you changing, I continued to love you.” Lena spoke honestly.

Kara exhaled loudly, her eyes bluer than before, brimming with unshed tears at Lena’s confession. “So where does that leave us then? Because I still need you Lena, and I can see that you still need me too, you just don’t want to admit it”.

“Neither of us are good at admitting things apparently.” Lena mumbled, averting her eyes to the floor.

“Lena.” Kara pressed firmly.

“I don’t know, Kara...” Lena sighed, pressed the bridge of her nose. “I-I need time. I need to be alone”.

As Kara defeatedly walked off, Lena thought. Perhaps maybe she would never get over her feelings for Kara. So Lena did the one thing she knew was necessary to keep moving forward, she removed herself from the situation, removed herself from Kara. It was official, she would try and sever her ties with Kara so she could try and become the person she was.

There was no doubt that while having Kara in her life she was extraordinary. Not by Kara’s doing, Kara was only the catalyst which encouraged Lena to be her better self. Maybe Lena needed to learn to be that person again without Kara in her life. Only then, did she truly believe that her and Kara may have a chance. It wasn’t about finding happiness because Kara was gone, it was about finding happiness in spite that Kara was gone.

And besides, Kara still had Mike.

It had been a while since Lena had done this, but she felt like this was the perfect time, singing really did help release all her pent up emotion. Her vocal chords were probably a little rusty after not singing for so long, Kara was the reason she used to sing in the first place, but she felt like she needed to do this.

Lena took her place at centre stage, pressing play on the instrumental version of Kelly Clarkson’s ‘Because of You’ on her phone. The familiar piano tune began and Lena took a few deep breathes to control her breathing and push away the nerves which had silently crept in.

Her deep voice carried the first verse and chorus beautifully, holding back on the belting as her signature move was always to start smooth and reserved before belting out the rest in a frenzied emotion.

She could hear the echo of her voice carry through the auditorium and it’s perfect acoustics as she allowed the rhythm and soul of the song to take over her completely.

 _You never thought of anyone else_  
_You just saw your pain_  
_And now I cry in the middle of the night_  
_For the same damn thing_

A stray tear escaped her green eyes as she belted out the third verse, not holding back any emotion anymore. Very few people had ever seen Lena cry in her life because of the strong front she held up, but through the words of the song she allowed her defensive walls to collapse around her, belting out the last chorus with her powerful voice.

_Because of you  
Because of you._

* * *

 

When Lena said she needed time, Kara didn’t realise _how_ much time Lena actually meant. The _Grease_ performance was schedule for production in the last week of school before thanksgiving break.

For a few months now, Kara and Lena had been playing a little game of sharing glances, and totally ignoring each other otherwise. Since her last proper conversation with Lena, the only interaction she’d had was rehearsing scenes for the _Grease_ production.

Lena had managed to keep her role as _Rizzo_ despite her unexplained, turned explained absences earlier on in the production. And while Kara basked in the scenes she shared with her former best friend, even during their friendly moments on stage, Kara could feel the constant ache in her heart because Lena wasn’t truly there.

Yes, she was playing a character, and she was darn good. But Kara knew her better than anyone, and she just knew that if Lena and her were okay, then it would be an entirely different, and staticly sparked atmosphere on stage. Lena seemed in a far away place each time they came into contact, and it destroyed Kara over and over again.

While the production seemed to be on schedule and was in its final stages in early November, Thanksgiving break was right around the corner and kara couldn’t help the different kind ache in her heart. She was considering investing in a new heart soon. For as long as she could remember, Kara and Lena had spent their thanksgiving together, either on a family trip with the Danvers, or the Luthors, then they would have a combined thanksgiving dinner with both families.

It was the ultimate holiday, apart from Summer break, because usually Lena’s parents took Lena away skiing for the Christmas holiday’s and therefore Kara couldn’t see her best friend. The nostalgia hit her harder than expected, and so did the realisation that this year would be the first thanksgiving she had spent apart from Lena.

It was shattering for Kara to think that such a small decision led to such explosive consequences, because if she knew then what she knew now, she would’ve dropped Mike in a heartbeat, because nothing could compare to her friendship with Lena. While Kara wanted Mike, she absolutely needed Lena and there was a light years difference between the two.

What hurt her even more was the fact that Lena never told her how she felt because she felt as if she wasn’t enough. That tore Kara’s heart to pieces. What could Kara have possibly done for Lena to think that way. She wanted nothing more than to scream from the mountain tops how important Lena was, but she knew she couldn’t do that, not anymore.

Lena had repressed her feelings for years in fear that Kara would never feel the same way, that she wasn’t enough for Kara. Thinking about how differently things could have gone if Lena opened up to her actually made her smile. The thought alone of Lena could make her smile. But a reality in which her and Lena were actually together, it was scary yet exhilarating, and it was something that Kara found herself thinking more and more about.

Perhaps if Kara could find a way for Lena to see that she was worth it, that she was worth so much more, maybe Kara would have a chance at building back her relationship with Lena. And maybe it could turn into something more, it was far fetched, and seemed almost impossible, but the idea alone made Kara feel priceless.

It was then that Kara had started to realisation what linchpin really meant. And if they had asked her again in class, she would’ve responded with “Lena”. Lena Luthor was her linchpin, she always had been and always would be. One little choice, one little Luthor had set a series of events spiralling towards catastrophe. Lena was the domino which set up the fall for every other domino.

But that wasn’t the only catastrophe anymore. It was the time of year that many sophomores through to seniors dreaded, the inevitable _Career’s Day_. Each year people came to Lima high school, along with many other high schools through the state and country, to talk about career pathways.

The days were long, boring, full of bonding activities and inspirational videos always featuring that same damn Coldplay song. And to make matters worse, there were always snooty, stuck up, _shit talks money walks_ schools which made an appearance. Not that Kara minded that, she enjoyed Lima anyway and her parents could afford to let her go to many other schools if she so desired, but a lot of kids at Lima weren’t the children of scientists, doctors, or business owners.

And to make matters worse, Kara could see from the corner of her eye, Lena practically undressing one of boarding school representatives currently on stage. Kara was happy, in a weird kind of way that Lena had potentially spotted someone attractive, but it also hurt knowing that Lena’s attention was elsewhere, and that sparked a feeling completely foreign to Kara, _jealousy_.

“....And now, if you would all quiet down, we have a special guest from the Mount Highmore Academy Boarding School for Girls”. Kara shifted in her seat, tuning her attention back up to the podium that principal Henshaw was at, having realised she zoned out of his entire speech. But Lena had that affect on her.

As the principal stepped aside, a tall, gorgeous looking brunette stood and strode to the podium with grace. And Kara watched as Lena’s eyes followed the tall beauty, stuck to her like magnets. This must have been the girl Lena was staring at before, Kara assumed, and she immediately scowled. Already hating whatever it was that was about to fall out of her mouth.

“Thankyou Principal Henshaw for such a warm welcome. I’m Samantha Araias, Junior President of the student representative council at Highmore Academy, named after our founder, and first headmaster, Suzannah Highmore. I’m thrilled to be here talking to you today about the opportunities and pathways you will be considering for your junior and senior years...” and her voice sounded as beautiful, if not more than she looked. Kara slumped in her seat, even further than before if that was possible.

* * *

Lena tried, she really did. She tried to focus on what Samantha was saying about her prestigious boarding school, but the girl was one of the most beautiful people she had ever seen. She was tall, taller than Kara, brunette hair, a little more golden than Kara’s natural brunette though, hazel eyes, unlike Kara’s sapphire’s and an unblemished, angelic face, possibly her only similarity to Kara. She had minimal makeup on, not like she needed much anyway, she was absolutely stunning.

But unlike Kara who had an innocent beauty about her, this girl had a complex and sophisticated beauty which Lena didn’t even know could exist. It did help that the uniform that Sam wore practically spoke sex appeal, and the elder girl seemed nothing shy of confident. Something about her captivated every inch of Lena’s attention, even before she had been called the podium Lena had noticed her, and when Sam locked eyes with her own over the crowd, it was as though a tension, and an unspoken conversation passed between them. Something which Lena only ever experienced with Kara, and Lena could tell Sam felt it if the small smile that crossed her face was any indication.

Lena smiled too, sitting back in her chair, deciding that maybe paying attention to whatever Sam was talking about may actually be worth listening too instead of just staring at her like a predator and its prey.

“Now, I _know_ what you’re all thinking. Boarding school kids, stuck up prudes am I right?” A small laughter escaped from the sophomore class, and when Sam let a genuine smile grace her beautiful face, Lena’s breath caught in her throat.

“Highmore Academy is more than just stuck up prudes in fancy uniforms. We’re a family, a sisterhood. The academy is notorious for its rate of successful alumni, having a rate of _ninety-five per-cent_. Here at Highmore, we produce women of quality, confidence, women who are polite, disciplined and collaborative. But we’re also more than just books and academics. Our academy has a range of activities throughout the year, ranging from holiday themed gatherings, sporting events, representative events, you name it, we provide it. Our school works like every other school except obviously you can’t go home each night. The academy services are open _twenty-four-seven_ even during holiday breaks, apart from semester breaks, not to mention our complimentary coffee and red bull for last minute exam cram.” Another louder laugh escaped the class, and Lena couldn’t help but laugh too. Sam was really something else. “Students are required to return home each semester. Students live within a home dorm where timetabling and class matching allows girls to attend their desired classes with the people they know and live with. While we only take junior and senior application transfers, we do allow for Sophomore’s to really get the feel of what boarding school entails”.

The more Sam spoke, the more Lena was intrigued with the idea of boarding school. Being away from her parents was never an issue like it was for some kids, in fact, Lena thrived when she was on her own. She had considered going to boarding school for educational purposes before, obviously there were better places out their than Lima, but Lena had always felt like Lima was her home.

But that was until her fallout with Kara, now boarding school seemed way more appealing. Maybe this was the space she needed from Kara to truly find herself and her happiness again. And if she was honest, maybe Sam also seemed appealing too. Although Sam would be a senior if Lena ever decided to go, Sam said they were all a sisterhood, and Lena liked the idea of that.

Even with how close she had been with Kara, she could never fully compare her relationship with Kara as to having a sister, it felt like an ill put comparison. And having only had a brother, Lena liked the idea of a sisterhood for a support network like that.

Her parents wouldn’t mind either, sure they would miss her, but her parents were always supportive of the decisions she made, obviously to a degree. But it had initially been Lillian who first planted the seed of boarding school in Lena’s head, and Highmore Academy sounded like the school Lena had always wanted to attend, in a universe where she hadn’t met Kara.

“The weekend tours for sophomores and junior/senior transfer are two weeks from today. Now I know the academy is across the country, but complimentary living and eating quarters will be provided on campus. Then next year during semester two, for those who are still interested, we have a ‘try a week’ for those who want to get the full experience before deciding indefinitely, a copy of a full academic transcript is required during tours aswell. But all of that information can be found in the pamphlets handed to you earlier. I hope I’ve managed to persuade a few of you ladies to consider boarding school. I’ll be sticking around if anyone has some questions they’d like to ask me”.

Before Lena could bound out of her seat, her better Angels brought her to her senses. Two week from now when the weekend tours would be held were also the dates that the _Grease_ production was scheduled. The production ran over Thursday night through to Saturday night, ending on the thanksgiving week. She couldn’t miss the production could she? But what about boarding school? This was like a dream come true for Lena, and she definitely didn’t want to pass up and opportunity like this.

Too busy in her thoughts, Lena failed to realise that most of the grade had left the hall, leaving only a few students left talking to the Highmore Academy girls, and a very curious looking Sam walking over to Lena.

“I thought you’d want to stay behind” Sam spoke, and _God_ , she was so much more beautiful in person.

Lena awkwardly rose to her feet, trying to hide her blush when she realised just how much taller Sam was than her. “Yeah well, I can’t pass up an opportunity to find out about the most prestigious boarding school in the country” Lena played out, trying to be suave.

Apparently it was working because Sam’s ears tinted pink, mirroring Lena’s own. Up close, Lena could also admire the elegance of the uniform, the way the jet black blazer with the golden crest emblazoned on it clung to Sam’s slim body over a white button up. She also noticed Sam’s uniform was different in that she had dress pants, rather than a skirt.

Whereas the other girls either wore the same blazer, a white button up, a pencil skirt and stockings, some choosing to wear a lighter colour sweater over the button up.

“Your uniform is different from the other girls” Lena stated, more than asked.

Sam nodded, a warm smile still planted on her face as Lena and her made their way out of the hall and into the corridors. “Yes, the primary uniform is worn throughout the junior/senior cohort but class presidents and council members have the leniency to wear pants instead of skirts”

“Are you a pants kind of girl, Sam?” Lena asked before she could stop herself.

Sam chuckled “It’s certainly better than skirts, not to mention more flattering”.

Lena smirked at Sam’s comment, certainly not missing the meaning behind her words. She could definitely vouch for the fact that the pants were way more appealing than the skirts, particularly on Sam, because Lena had checked. The two continued walking side by side while Lena watched as Sam seemed to be taking in the environment, smiling at the photos and display signs around the school. “What? You don’t have many signs around your school?” Lena asked.

“No, not like this. I used to go to a public school too, I guess I just forgot the simplicity of it all. It’s kind of nice.” Same reminisced.

“So your school is full of dark and gloomy halls, is it?” Lena teased, “careful now, I was beginning to like the idea of your school”.

Sam chuckled heartily again, and missed the way Lena blushed, for a second time. “No, of course _not_! You know what I mean. My school is good, it really is, but the expectations are different. You heard the success rate I mentioned right? Don’t get me wrong, it’s brilliant and fun, and there’s so many amazing things I never even dreamed of, but they are very strict on education. They want their students to be successful, and it requires a lot of work, dedication and a little sacrifice.”

Lena sighed, “I can understand that, a little. The sacrifice part I mean, not in the same context but, you know”. Lena awkwardly cleared her throat, effectively stopping herself from rambling as Sam glanced at her sideways with a smirk.

The two continued in silence for a bit more. “So... you’re thinking of coming to tours?” Sam asked, her voice laced with genuine curiosity, almost like she _wanted_ Lena to come.

“I want to” Lena answered truthfully, “I just need to sort a few things out with my schedule, but yes, I would really like to come”.

Sam seemed happy with Lena’s answer, and Lena shared a giddy smile with Sam. In her few short moments with Sam, she hadn’t realised that the thought of Kara had been completely erased from her mind, and that she was genuinely happy, but that was until her eyes fell on a scene that erased her happiness immediately.

* * *

 

The more time she spent apart from Lena, the more graphic her betraying subconscious was in its desires with Lena. Her earliest dreams were sweet, always with Lena taking care of her the way she did the night of the party. But her latest dreams had become somewhat pornographic and extremely vivid.

Her latest dreams consisted of her bathing Lena, of all things. Watching the saturated droplets of water stream off Lena’s soft body leaving a mouthwatering shine to her milky skin. She would run her hands up and down Lena’s back, never getting a look at the girls face, but she knew it was _her_ Lena.

Then in the last few snippets of the dream, Lena would turn to look at Kara with a brilliant smirk and a gleam in her eyes. She would reach out and undo Kara’s jeans, pulling them down her long legs, then her hand would rest at the apex of Kara’s thighs, drawing minuscule circles.

Lena would then stroke her index finger along Kara’s very slick heat while the brunette shivered above her, trying to shift her weigh so she could get Lena’s teasing finger to where she _needed_ it. Then without warning, Lena would plunge two fingers into Kara’s centre and hook the pads of her fingers along Kara’s front wall, using that grip to practically pull Kara forward towards the tub.

Kara was usually in tears of pleasure at that point, and she would struggle to get over the bath edges and into the water straddling Lena, Lena’s fingers never removing themselves. Then the raven haired beauty would growl “I want you to fuck yourself on my fingers. Do it now”.

Kara was gobsmacked at the filthy language that came from Lena’s mouth. Lena never swore at kara, not even while they were friends. Sometimes Kara would wake in that moment, left wet and unsatisfied, sometimes she would ride out her dream state orgasm with Lena in the bath tub, only to jolt awake at the end and need only circle her stiffened nub a few times before her orgasm ripped through her like a sizeable earthquake while her empty walls clenched around nothing.

Sometimes her dreams were a lot less vivid, and only featured Lena’s head trapped between Kara’s toned thighs as the brunette wrode the girl like the back of a horse. Either way, the dreams were constant, and some nights Kara found herself getting off into the double digits.

If she thought she might have combusted before, she had no idea what this was. It had become so bad that she was taking ‘bathroom breaks’ to satisfy the throbbing in her centre everytime she dozed off and got a mental image of Lena gripping her front wall and pulling her like a dog on a leash. She was sure that the upperclassmen had even heard her a few times in the bathroom, but she didn’t care.

Her mental state was always completely non-existent when she was getting herself off to the thought of Lena. Everything about that was primal and instinctive, she needn’t have to think much about that, it was simply a nagging urge.

Only to add to the raging torrents in her gut, upon seeing Lena check out, then hit it off with the boarding school representative ignited a series of feelings Kara had never really felt before, rage and jealousy. What would be next, wet dreams of Lena no longer with her, but with this Sam girl.

She was happy for Lena in part, and she had nothing against Sam, how could she? She didn’t even know the girl, except that she had taken interest in Lena, and Lena in her and that couldn’t stop the small portion of her that loathed the gorgeous brunette simply because she had Lena’s attention and Kara didn’t.

Simply because Lena smiled at her, giggled at her, even touched her, which Lena hadn’t done to Kara for months, only in her dreams. So Kara did the one thing she knew how to do, run... straight to Mike. Like he was the rebound in the way Lena was months ago.

It didn’t take more than a few seconds for Mike to bolt out of the hall after Principal Henshaw dismissed the sophomores from the presentation. Kara found the boy mixed in among a group of his empty-headed football players.

“Mike!” Kara called over enthusiastically.

Mike’s eyes widened slightly, startled by Kara’s enthusiasm. He placed his hands upon Kara’s waist and pulled her in against him. “Hi” he whispered.

Kara giggled, a new found euphoria filling her body for absolutely no apparent reason. Perhaps a selfish part of her was hoping Lena might have seen her interactions with Mike, and feel just as jealous as Kara had with Sam. Maybe then would Lena treat her like an actual human being and not dismiss her. Kara rested her forehead against Mike’s, trying not to let his still gag-worthy cologne affect her.

“Hi” Kara whispered back, “What are you doing after the play?”

“Umm hanging out with you?” Mike asked, his crinkles giving his confusion away.

Kara beamed up at the boy, “Good, because Friday my parents are on date night, and Alex is staying at Maggie’s” Kara raised her eyebrows, hoping Mike would understand her insinuation.

Luckily, his football brain had not betrayed him. “Oh... so... w-are you—“ Mike stuttered.

“Uh huh” Kara nodded with a grin, seemingly understanding what he was trying to say.

Kara could feel his excitement growing in his pants. If Lena could move on so quick, why couldn’t Kara. All these sex dreams and unsatisfied feelings couldn’t just be for nothing. Perhaps maybe she was finally ready to give herself to Mike after all.

She would deny this though, but part of her completely rejected the idea of spending a night with Mike. Perhaps she swung more towards girls on the bisexual spectrum, or more accurately, _Lena_ , but she just wanted Lena to feel as jealous as she did, and what better way for her to be jealous in finding out Kara had planned to have sex with Mike.

And Kara suddenly became more grateful than ever that her relationship with Mike had mended as best it could since Lena subtly dropping those hints.

“I’ll see you then” Kara whispered into Mike’s ear before biting on his lobe lightly.

It was as though she could feel those green eyes burning into the back of her, like a sixth sense. It was a feeling she had picked up over the years with the girl, and usually it evoked happiness, or more accurately, guilt for the past few months, but this time it evoked a desperate need to get a reaction from Lena.

Kara pulled Mike’s hand down to her lower back, egging him further to take the bait. Like a good little fish, Mike rested his hand on Kara’s ass, giving something for Lena to be jealous of because Kara knew Lena loved her ass. Kara could practically hear the steam shooting from Lena like the blaring of a train. She smiled to herself, just picturing Lena, jaw set, mesmerising green eyes dilated, her soft hands clenched at her sides.

Her eyes raking up and down Kara’s figure, thinking all manner of things like how Mike got to touch her like that, or how easy it would be to set him and his penis head on fire. It was a small victory for Kara in what seemed like a history of nothing but defeat.

When she turned to leave, her senses had only been confirmed when she took in Lena exactly how she thought the girl would be. Lena looked furious, jealous even, but also _ashamed_ , which Kara couldn’t place why. Even in her current state, she never wanted Lena to be ashamed of her. At least Lena still felt something for her, even if it was jealousy. It was a start at least, it was the most emotion Kara had evoked from Lena in ages, even if it was for selfish reasons.

Kara was just about to reach her locker after rounding the corner when she felt a vibration in her pocket. She pulled out her phone to see a text from the last person she thought would ever text her. She read the text with a sour feeling in her heart. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.

 

**1:43PM Lena:**

_Why you let him grope you like that is beyond me. Try not to make too much of a mess backstage after the performance. Do you know how hard it is to wipe vengeful ego off the floor? Pretty darn hard._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not sure if they do this in schools overseas, but where I went to school they had students from high schools (grade 7-12) talk to primary school kids on their highschool/college of choice. So this boarding school introduction is just a little alternate of that! Grade 11-12 boarding school kids coming to talk to Lima high school kids about selected colleges (college is grades 11-12 where I am from!).
> 
> An important reminder, Endgame Supercorp no matter what! :0. Let me know if you want anything to happen, and for the person who wanted a Lena solo, here you go, hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Also I’m giving you readers an option, would you a) like this to be a long/longer fiction, or b) like this to be a short/shorter fiction. I have 2 different ideas, one for each option so you guys get to choose. Do let me know or I’ll just pick one at random. It’s probably easy to tell where I’m going with this anyway now haha 
> 
> Come say hi to me on twitter @AiLaikHeda__ & if you have not already, I absolutely urge you to have a listen to Ruelle - War of Hearts (Acoustic Version). It’s so damn beautiful it hurts.


	7. She Will Be Loved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *this chapter was split into two due to the length. Next chapter will be the Grease performance*  
> *WARNING* mentions of bullying. Skip over Alex’s POV if you need. 
> 
> It's not always rainbows and butterflies  
> It's compromise that moves us along yeah  
> My heart is full, and my door's always open  
> You can come anytime you want yeah
> 
> I don't mind spendin' everyday  
> Out on your corner in the pourin' rain  
> Look for the girl with the broken smile  
> Ask her if she wants to stay awhile  
> And she will be loved, and she will be loved  
> And she will be loved, and she will be loved
> 
> Please don’t try so hard to say good-bye

One of the fine qualities Lena had adopted from her parents over the years was her ability to think rationally and logically before making an informed decision. Of course sometimes she was spontaneous, because where’s the fun in life without spontaneity, but ever since her conversation with Sam, the idea of boarding school had been a constant working machine in her mind.

It was a week before tours, _Grease_ and thanksgiving, the perfect trifecta for all things messed up in Lena’s life, and it was quite apt considering bad things usually come in three’s. But Lena wasn’t the type of person to be sceptical or superstitious, she had a scientists brain and such luxury couldn’t be afforded on things that can’t be proven. She believed in facts and on the ‘here and now’ things than can be proven. 

Over the week that had passed in what seemed like a blink of an eye, Lena had done the only logical thing to do; compile I list of all the pros and cons about boarding school, or more specifically, boarding school with Sam. I guess you could say that Lena was somewhat smitten with Sam, because while Lena’s mind still naturally reverted back to Kara occasionally, it was the first time since the fallout that Lena had really begun to feel connected with someone. It was also the first time she had genuinely smiled in months.

Sam had a way of evoking feelings and reactions from Lena that no one else could. Sam had a way of making Lena slowly come out of the shell that the raven haired girl had buried herself in, and it was electrifying. Every moment she spent talking to Sam, talking about Sam or even thinking about her caused butterflies in Lena’s stomach.

As Lena and her scientists brain spent the rest of the previous week considering her options, she also considered how to go about talking to her parents and the school, and she found herself with her foot in her mouth. She had even gone as far to write out a speech to memorise before she asked her mother, knowing she would stumble over herself when talking. But when it came time to, it was more difficult than she thought, perhaps because Lena didn’t fully understand the consequences of her actions either.

Obviously by going to tours she would put unwarranted stress on the cast and crew of the production, she knew that. But Lena failed to take into account her credibility and the relationships of people who were counting on her. Even her brother Alexander was flying to Lima for the Friday night performance, and Lena would have to tell him, since Lex couldn’t make any other day, that he shouldn’t bother coming at all because Lena would be across the country on Friday and not be performing.

It had been ages since Lena had last seen Lex, but it seemed she was putting the rest of her life on hold just for the tours, and the idea of attending boarding school. But then again, with Lena nothing was an irrational choice. She might as well already be attending the school with how much she knew from Sam and her research.

But it was just a matter of forming her thoughts into words which left the usually confident Luthor stumped.

 _“Are you going to tell her?”_ Sam’s voice sounded through the Skype application.

Lena looked up through the camera, averting her eyes from a set of flawless calculus calculations. Another reason why her scientist brain came in handy, Lena was the only sophomore at Lima who had started taking AP classes in preparation for college, but it really was no surprise.

She had even shown up some of the senior students during Mathlete competitions, and twice she had corrected her teacher on a miscalculation.

Lena let out a long sigh and rested her head on her hand. “I will, I will. It’s just a lot to ask you know?”

 _“Are you having second thoughts?”_ Sam asked, concerned.

Lena chuckled. “Not really, it’s just a big decision and I don’t want to regret this. I want to go now but I can’t speak for myself in a years time. This _is_ my future after all and I want to get the best out of my education.”

 _“Well if I know Lena Luthor the way I think I do, whatever decision she makes will be the right one for her. Others may not think so but you know what’s right for you.”_ Same encouraged.

“Thanks Sams” Lena smiled bashfully.

The brunette smiled through the camera. _“Of course, remember that Wednesday is the absolute latest to submit your tour attendance. Let me know how it goes okay?”_

“I will... you still can’t come to the performance?” Lena asked hesitantly.

Sam shook her head, _“I’m sorry, you know I wish I could but the preparations for the tours are really time consuming”._

“I know, that’s okay.” Lena tried not to sound so downcast.

Sam noticed Lena’s shift in mood instantly, _“I’m really sorry, Lee. I’ll see you on the tours?”_

Lena quirked a perfectly sculpted eyebrow, “You can count on it” she spoke, sounding a little more seductive than she planned.

Sam just smirked at Lena’s antics, having come to adore the girl in a very short period of time. _“What are you looking at anyway?”_ She asked, quizzically.

“Oh just a book about fish” Lena responded nonchalantly as she flipped through the pages.

If Lena had been looking up, she would of seen the disgusted look on Sam’s face. _“Fish? Really?”_ Sam scoffed.

“Yeah, look they even have a picture of you” Lena said excitedly.

Lena held up the book to the camera, watching as Sam’s face morphed into shock, to horror, then to amusement. Lena was in hysterics by that point.

 _“That’s so funny, Lena”_ Sam said sarcastically, slumping in her chair. _“I’m not a damn salmon”._

“Could of fooled me” Lena wheezed in between bursts of laughter.

 _“Lena...”_ Sam whined with a faux pout.

Eventually Lena relented in her teasing, “Okay you’re right, I’m sorry... _Salmon_ tha”.

Little did Lena know, as she eventually closed her call with Sam, the girl was already in the process of confirming her purchase for two tickets to the Grease Production on Thursday night.

Lena spent the rest of the weekend post-ponding and procrastinating the inevitable when suddenly it felt like a mountain of courage was dropped onto her shoulders. Of course that had nothing to do with the text message Sam had just sent her a few minutes ago.  
  
Lena tentatively made her way into her mother’s office. The door creaked with each increasing angle the door was moved and Lena silently thanked that she wasn’t going to have a career in being a spy any time soon.

“Mother?” Lena called from behind the door.

“Yes, dear?” Lillian responded, not looking up from the mountain of work infront of her.

Usually her parents were good with that sort of thing. Her mother being a reknowned surgeon and her father an engineer, she was used to their busy schedules. But every so often she found them locked away in their home office trying to sift through the remaining paperwork of the week.

Lena knew better than to disturb her parents in that state, but her parents also knew if Lena was disturbing them, then it was for something important and not trivial.

“What are your thoughts about boarding school?” Lena asked as she tip-toed into the office, trying not to make any more unwarranted noise.

 _“Why?”_ Lillian asked curiously, still focused on her paperwork.

The quiet scratch of the pencil along the paperwork was unnervingly unsettling. Lena took a deep breath, “Well Sam told me, if I want to, they’re having an orientation and tour for next years juniors and seniors this weekend. And I’m interested in going”. Lena murmured, fiddling with the seam of her top.

At the mention of ‘Sam’ Lillian’s head snapped up to meet her daughter, internally smiling about recognising Lena’s nervous ticks. “Is this the girl you’ve been talking to the past week?” Lillian spoke with a smirk as she cocked her head and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Yes mother...” Lena exhaled, only just realising she had been holding her breath.

“So... you want to go to boarding school with _Sam_?” Lillian drew our Sam’s name as if to tease her daughter.

Lena avoided eye contact with her mother, her heart hammering in her chest at just a conversation about the possibility of going to boarding school. “I dont know... maybe”.

After a few short moments, Lena heard a sigh from her mother. “Lena, what if something happens? That school is across the country”.

“Then I’d hope that you’d be there, and has anything happened at Lima so far?” Lena retorted, getting slightly defensive.

“That’s not the point, dear... it’s so far away”. Lillian responded exasperatedly.

Lena almost stomped at her mother, but refrained at the last minute, knowing full well her mother didn’t tolerate tantrums. But she did tolerate civil disagreements. “And that _is_ the point... maybe I just need to get away. Besides _you_ were the one who mentioned boarding school in the first place”.

Lillian pinched the bridge of her nose. Lena got her with that one. “You’re right, I did” she confessed, “however, I did not suggest a school across the country”.

Lena moved forward with haste, pulling out a chair from the desk her mother was situated. “Mother just hear me out” Lena spoke as she sat down and splayed her hands over the desk, “The school is notorious for its academic achievers, 95% of graduates go on to get phd’s, or become internationally recognised doctors like you, or bioengineers like father. There are so many things that Highmore Academy offer that Lima doesn’t.”

“Sounds _very_ prestigious, Lena” Lillian responded sarcastically, although letting her daughter’s argument mull over in her mind.

Lena watched as her mother considered what she was saying, the recognisable crinkle between Lillian’s eyes indicated that she was considering every detail. “So, what do you think?” Lena spoke after a long silence.

Lillian exhaled a puff and stood to shuffle her papers. “What about your friends here? What about Kara? Have you thought about that?”

“Yeah Kara isn’t my friend anymore, remember?” Lena groaned as she crossed her arms over her chest, looking out the window of their estate.

Lillian stopped her shuffling and eyed Lena carefully. She had always been fond of Kara, yet didn’t know the full extent of the situation. Lena had purposely avoided telling her parents because she didn’t want to tarnish the image they had of Kara. Part of Lena was hoping that things might have turned out okay earlier, and she wouldn’t of had to re-explain that her and Kara were okay. Not telling her parents from the beginning was an easy way to avoid that awkward conversation, but Lena knew now that the possibility of becoming friends with Kara now were slim to none.

“You _still_ haven’t sorted it out?” Lillian spoke sternly.

“No mother we haven’t. It’s not something that can just be fixed.” Lena glared at her mother.

Lillian looked taken aback by her daughter’s defensiveness. “Have you even given it a chance?” She spoke more softly.

“She doesn’t _deserve_ a chance!” Lena almost yelled, slamming her fists on the table as she pushed herself out of the chair, her momentum effectively sending the chair backwards into the expensive hardwood floors.

 _“Lena Luthor”_ Lillian scolded in a bone chilling tone. Lena would be lieing if she said she wasn’t scared of her mother. Rarely had she seen her mother in this state, but whenever she did, it made her want to run for the hills.

Lillian continued, her eyes straining through a cowering Lena. “Now, I know I don’t know what’s going on. How could I know, you don’t tell me these things.” Lillian softened slightly as she spoke, “I’m worried about you and I’m worried you’re doing this for the wrong reasons. I’m not letting you go to boarding school because of a vendetta you have against Kara”.

“This has _nothing_ to do with Kara!” Lena almost sobbed, her body overflowing with emotions. “This is about _me_ , about _my_ education! I want to become a different person, I want to have opportunities and do things that I can’t do here. I want to be so much better and I can’t do that while I’m here. I’m not good enough here.” Lena trailed into a whisper, more vulnerable now that she had ever been before.

Lillian’s heart almost broke at Lena’s words and she wondered how she had not noticed her daughter was spiralling. It was a mother’s job to protect their children, even from themselves. Seeing Lena in that state made her heart ache. “Lena...” Lillian cooed, reaching out to take her daughter’s hand, “You are extraordinary. Anywhere you go you will be extraordinary. You don’t need boarding school to prove that”.

“I just... please” Lena walked around the desk to nuzzle herself into her mother towering frame. Her mother’s height alone was enough to warn off most people, but Lena knew she was a big softie. “This isn’t about me exacting revenge... I’ve thought about it and I think this could be so good for me. I still have a semester at Lima... I still have time to formally decide. But I’d like to go to the tours.” Lena mumbled, pulling away from her mother to look her in the eyes.

“Lena—“

“And I’d like you to come with me” Lena interrupted with a small smile.

Lillian cocked her head empathetically, running her long fingers through Lena’s raven locks. “You have your Grease performance, dear” she reminded.

“I know...” Lena exhaled defeatedly.

“Are you _sure_ about this?” Lillian asked cautiously, scanning Lena’s face for any kind of uncertainty, but there was none to be found.

“Never been more sure” Lena said confidentially.

  
Lillian smiled and cupped her daughter face in her lithe, warm hands. “If it’s what you want, then I won’t deny you, Lena. But you sleep in the bed you make, I want you to really think about this, okay?”

Lena nodded and released a contended sigh as she melted back into her mother’s embrace. All that was left was breaking the bad news to the Glee Club.

* * *

Upon walking into Glee Club, Kara was excited to see Mr Schuester’s writing on the board for their theme this week. ‘Express Yourself’. It was a very broad theme but usually everything Mr Schuester assigned was for a reason, and considering that a lot of people were being pushed out of their comfort zone to portray characters in the production, Kara included, it was a wise idea to find comfort within yourself.

Kara was sure with the weekly theme and the approaching of the production that nothing could mess up her happiness. She was wrong. Lena had come in slightly late to class and Kara noticed a small exchange between Lena and Mr Schue.

She needn’t worry about what is was because once everyone had taken their seats, Mr Schue delivered the dreaded news.

“Unfortunately I have some not so good news. As you all remember, a few schools came to talk to you recently. One of our own, Lena, has regrettably decided to drop out of Friday and Saturday’s performances as she will be attending tours across the country.”

There were a series of gasps and pouts throughout the class, and everyone turned to look at lena who was sitting stiffly with an apologetic look on her face. She rose slightly to face to crowd.

“Mr Schue is right. I am deeply sorry, and this is not a decision I take lightly. I have no doubt my understudy will make you all proud while I am gone. Let’s just make Thursday the best night we can”.

Lena’s words of encouragement seemed to settle a few of the students, but many were still upset. But Kara was just plain pissed. Not about Lena leaving them, no, her anger was more so directed on a certain brunette at a certain boarding school that Lena would be touring. Again, Kara knew she had no _real_ reason to hate Sam but it was almost impossible not to when Sam was the one getting the attention from Lena that Kara wanted.

It was hard to accept that maybe Lena had moved on when part of Kara wanted herself to be the one that Lena moved on with. But who was she kidding? She had Mike anyways, and she was happy with that, wasn’t she?

Mr Schue babbled on for quite some time, giving the rundown of the production in great detail before he finally asked for any volunteered songs for the weekly theme. Unlike most assignments Mr Schue set, this one was compulsory. He wanted everyone to perform and become comfortable in their own skin before they then jumped out of it. He said that it would only make the portrayals of the characters even better.

Kara raised her hand almost immediately at Mr Schue’s offer and walked to the other side of the room to grab her guitar. She pulled a chair and took a seat in the front of the group. She caught Lena’s gaze and flashed a sad smile, which only confused her former friend.

“The song I‘d like to sing is ‘She Will Be Loved’ by Maroon 5, and this is an acoustic version”.

The first strike of the guitar was soft and melodic, catching the attention of everyone. As Kara progressed, her soft voice carried the notes into heaven and above, and she could see a few of the girls wipe their eyes. One thing Kara was good at was pouring all her emotions into her songs, and she almost always got an emotional feedback.

 _Look for the girl with the broken smile_  
_Ask her if she wants to stay awhile_  
 _And she will be loved, and she will be loved_  
 _And she will be loved, and she will be loved_

 _I know where you hide alone in your car_  
_Know all of the things that make you who you are_  
 _I know that goodbye means nothing at all_  
 _Comes back and makes me catch her every time she_  
 _Falls_  
 _Yeah..._

Kara kept her gaze on Lena during the last verse of the song. Her jealousy over Sam only fueling her emotions further as she began singing the last chorus.

An applause sounded from the class on the last note and strum of the guitar, but Kara couldn’t keep her eyes off Lena. She wanted to convey all her emotions and thoughts into a single glance, and she hoped that Lena understood her through the song. She wanted to Lena to know how she felt. She wanted Lena to know she was hurt, that she wanted to be the one who had Lena’s heart. She wanted to be the only person on Lena’s mind, the only person Lena thought about, not Sam, not anyone, only Kara.

But as quickly as those feelings arose, she broke her gaze away, an internally raging war going on inside her heart, begging her to look at Lena so she could see the single tear which slid down Lena’s face, but she never looked, she never saw.

Instead she just denied those feelings ever existed inside of her, because what was the point? Kara had Mike, and now Lena had Sam.

* * *

Her relationship with Kara hadn’t always been the way it was now. When her parents had adopted Kara, the two girls fought more than what was humanly possible. It didn’t help that Alex was in her freshman year and was possibly the most hormonal and ‘bitchy’ she had ever been.

Everything that Kara did was a nuisance. Alex didn’t like the way Kara walked, the way she talked, the way she dressed, Alex plain and simple did not like Kara at all. Kara was an annoying brat in her point of view, and for ages she resented Kara for coming into the family. She used to be the golden child, the only child. And her parents would devote all their time to her, but when Kara was adopted, she was the new golden toy and stole all the attention from Alex. Not that Alex was shunned at all, she just wasn’t good at sharing.

At one point, Alex had even plotted to make Kara disappear, and she spent more time than necessary working out how to un-adopt someone. She loathed Kara with every fibre of her being. But that all changed in her sophomore year about a year after Kara was adopted.

It was during her crazed goth phase right before she met Maggie. Alex was subjected to a lot of scrutiny and bullying at school because of the way she looked. On a day to day basis, the boys would call her disgraceful, derogatory names, would trip her in the hallways, would spit in her food. It was a problem which had been brought up with the school multiple times, but still the boys escaped with minor punishment as they always had enough friends who denied their behaviour towards Alex.

It was possibly the lowest point in her life, even lower than when Kara was adopted. In fact, Alex had forgotten Kara had even existed at that point. But one day, while Alex was at her locker getting her books for science, one of the junior football players barged into her with his shoulder.

Alex had turned around, her eyes black rimmed and fierce as she yelled at the boy. The junior only laughed and began teasing Alex further about her makeup, her piercings, anything he could really. Alex was almost in tears until the boy pulled out his drink bottle, removed the lid and threw the contents up into Alex’s face making a comment about how her makeup made her look like a dyke.

It was also the point in time where Alex was battling against her sexuality and the scrutiny involved in people who ‘came out’. She couldn’t stop the tears from falling as her eyeliner and mascara trailed down her cheek, mixed with water and salty tears.

Kara had by chance seen the whole event, having been over in the high school campus for band practice. Kara had marched up to the junior, fire practically radiating from her as she stepped in front of Alex. Alex couldn’t really see what happened thanks to the mess her mascara made, but she heard a sickening _crack_ and mixed yelp that sounded like it came from two people, one of them being a girl.

Her first thought was that the boy had hit Kara, and as much as Alex’s resented Kara, she was still Kara’s sister, and _no_ _one_ can touch _her_ _sister_. Alex wiped her eyes furiously to see what had happened. Her mouth hung ajar as she saw the junior on the floor holding his nose, his hands covered in blood. She then turned her gaze to Kara who was holding her blooodied hand in agony. Kara was small in when she was younger, but she sure as hell packed a punch like Supergirl. 

After an afternoon in the hospital getting X-Rays, it was confirmed that Kara had indeed broken several bones in her hand. While their parents were on the phone to Lima, ripping them a new one about wanting the junior boy to be expelled, and sent to juvi, Alex had possibly her first proper conversation with Kara.

“Why did you do that? You hurt yourself for me, why?” She asked.

“It’s what sisters do, they protect each other” was all Kara responded, and Alex felt the ice around her heart thaw for her little adoptive sister.

“How did you punch him?” Alex asked curiously.

Kara made a fist with her left, unbroken hand and Alex shook her head chuckling. “Kara! _No_! Not like _that_! No wonder you broke your hand! _Never_ wrap your fingers around your thumb, it needs to stay on the outside like this” Alex then gestured a proper fist.

Kara shrugged, “Well I’ve never had to punch someone before”.

Alex stood there staring at Kara, wondering how she had not seen it sooner. Kara loved her, despite everything that Kara had been through and how badly Alex treated her, she yearned for a family, and that meant she wanted everything that came with it, the good and the bad.

Alex chuckled again and moved to sit on the edge of Kara’s hospital bed, playing with Kara’s left hand for a bit before she brought it to her lips. “I never thanked you... Thankyou Kara.”

Since then, Alex had not forgotten what Kara had done. It was a memory she kept with her all the time. Whenever she felt a sadness that not even Maggie could help, she would think about Kara and what she had done. She vowed to herself that day that Kara would never have to put herself in a position like that again because Alex would be stronger, she would be more resilient, and above all, she would protect Kara. And showing her how to punch without breading her hand was the first thing Alex did when Kara had healed.

Now, years later, their bond was stronger than ever, and it was just second nature for either of them to recognise when there was something wrong with the other. Alex knew Kara aswell as she knew her own self, and Kara the same. And once again, Alex found herself afraid for Kara and wanting to protect her little sister.

Alex knocked on Kara’s door, waiting for the all clear to come in. “Hey Kar” Alex smiled warmly as she gently shut Kara’s door.

“Hey” Kara mumbled as she fiddled with some loose threading of her colourful cardigan.

Alex smiled to herself. Kara’s dress code at home was really representative of a teenage grandma. Her closet was practically over flowing with cardigans. “I didn’t see you today. You seem so quiet lately. I thought you would be happy now that the play is almost here” Alex spoke soothingly as she sat on the edge of Kara’s bed.

“I am... it’s just been tough” Kara sighed, pulling more threading from her cardigan as fiddling was a nervous habit. Kara looked up when she hadn’t heard Alex respond, and she was met with a ‘ _knowing_ ’ look from Alex. _“What?”_

“Okay, don’t get mad Kar, it’s just ever since Lena, you haven’t been the same.” Alex shrugged.

Kara raised her brows at Alex incredulously. “ _Obviously_. She was my best friend Al”.

“Was she though?” Alex cocked her head, “I know you’re with Mike, Kara, but have you ever actually considered how you feel toward Lena?”

“Of _course_ I have” Kara responded defensively.

It was then Alex who raised her brows in disbelief. “I can tell when you’re lieing, Kara.”

Kara huffed in annoyance, and Alex was able to see the clench of her jaw and the small vein in her neck throbbing with each pulse. “Lena doesn’t care about me anymore, she made that clear.”

Alex was quick to jump on the defence. “I don’t think that’s true...” Kara just gave her the _look_ in response.

“Okay, what would you do if you were Lena? How do you think you’d feel about losing someone you love?” Alex proceeded.

“I already know how that feels, Alex” Kara snapped.

Alex raised her hands in surrender, deciding to try something else. “Okay, how did you feel when you found out about Mike?”

Kara shrugged. “I dont know, bad I guess. Like he betrayed me... like he used me. Like I wasn’t worth anything to him if he could do that so easily”.

Alex internally smiled at her victory. “ _Good_! Now picture Lena, feeling all of that at once, and then some”

“So you’re siding with her?” Kara responded, completely missing what Alex was trying to get at.

Alex slumped in defeat. “This isn’t about sides Kara. You know what? This is done. I am done walking on eggshells. We all are. I’ve kept my distance, I have given you time without prodding, without making you talk about Lena, hoping you’d sort yourself out and come to your senses—”

“There’s nothing to talk about” Kara interrupted.

“—but I have let it slide. Your pity has gone uninterrupted” Alex continued.

“My-my _pity_ _party?_ ” Kara seethed.

“I know it hurts, Kara” Alex tried to reassure Kara.

“ _No!_  You don’t know _anything!_ You’ve _never_ felt loss like this in your perfect little world” Kara snapped, pulling away from Alex.

Alex tried to ignore the hurt at Kara’s words. “Okay, then tell me what it feels like” Alex pleaded. She was met with nothing but an eye roll, and she continued, “You lost Lena and now you’re losing yourself! Instead of trying so hard to fix things with Lena, maybe you need to fix yourself” Alex yelled in anger before she could stop herself.

Kara’s eyes widened and her face contorted. “Are you saying I’m _broken?_ ”

“No Kara, I would never say that—“

“If it were Maggie what would you be doing? If you lost Maggie what would you be doing?” Kara questioned in a fury, not waiting for Alex to respond. “You’d be a wreck at school, at home, you’d be broken”.

“I would, I would be. And it’s okay if you are” Alex soothed, “I’m saying that you don’t know what you want or who you are anymore, and you’re hurting the people around you and you’re hurting yourself”.

Kara shook her head in denial, meeting Alex’s pleading eyes with a cold glare. “I think you should go.”

Alex swallowed before nodding in defeat, stopping just within reach of Kara’s door, she turned around. “Kara Danvers is my favourite person. She’s helped me more times than anyone else ever has, so think about that while you let her go. You’re trying so hard to fix something you don’t even know you want. Think about what you want for a change, and how you would feel if you were Lena. What do you get out of having Lena back, what do you want out of it?”

Alex left without another word, leaving Kara standing by her bed, her fists clenched in the way that Alex had showed her, her breathing deep and rapid while her heart thundered in her chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As someone pointed out last chapter, I think people are so used to the morally good perception of Kara and how she is still the hero of the story. If you haven’t read my other fictions, I like to stray from the norm. It’s not fun to write something that’s generic, Maybe Kara needs to be the bad guy before she becomes the good guy? Just a thought for those not liking last chapter.
> 
> I’ve updated the introductory summary because I have changed the course of this fiction. I’m hoping people will stay with me wherever I lead our little beans, and I reiterate, endgame Supercorp. And I changed Kara and Mike’s plans to Friday instead of Saturday like last chapter did say (so I could add a new scene).
> 
> Also I’ve noticed people are reading the characters as 14-15. I’m Australian here so sophomore year in the US is grade 10 in AU (obviously), but our school year commencement dates are different, I’d like to point out and hope I’m not confusing anyone, in my mind, Lena are Kara are 15 at the youngest to 16. (But however you interpret it is fine - it’s just anyone thinking they were way too young at 14 to have sex, in my mind they are 16) 
> 
> More glee and Supergirl inspired scenes in this update! I’m trying to include all your feedback criticism, it only makes this fiction better! *** Last reminder for anyone wanting a long OR short fiction, let me know or forever hold your piece. I will be summing this up in a few chapter if you want Short, if you want long then enjoy the ride. *** X0 ~ ALH


	8. New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m in his bed  
> Right next to him, but he don’t know  
> I’m just thinking ‘bout you  
> I’m thinking ‘bout you
> 
> I’m missing you  
> I’m missing you  
> What the hell did I do — did I do?  
> Messing with someone new  
> Thinking I wanted to  
> Turns out I don’t want new  
> I want you
> 
> Thought I’d be better without you  
> I can’t stop thinking about you  
> Now I’m with someone new

The few weeks until the _Grease_ production could not come soon enough for Lena, and that wasn’t the only thing on her mind. Since the career’s day, she had been talking non-stop to Sam everyday, they had even gone as far to become Skype and Snapchat friends, and had a ten day snap streak.

As the production came nearer, the more excited and nervous Lena became. Ever since she was a little girl in her out of school drama classes, she loved the productions and plays. Not only was it a way of showcasing tremendous work and talent on every spectrum, but it was also a way for her to escape from herself for a short period of time. She could leave her life behind, and enter the life of the character she were playing. She could become a different person and it helped her forget sometimes about all the messed up things in her life.

Lena had memorised and perfected her script, her dance numbers, and her blocking down to the bone, she had even memorised other people’s scripts aswell. She figured she owed it to the cast and crew to make this performance her best ever, considering she would only be there for one night. She was by any means ready, but as the days got closer, and the more she spoke to Sam, the more nervous she became and the more she regretted her decision about attending boarding school tours. Not because she didn’t want to go, but she could see the stress it was putting on the cast. And stress always meant mistakes.

There were understudies for that very reason, but still, Lena couldn’t help but feel as though she was letting down the cast by leaving them, after all, understudies really only were for if someone got sick or injured, not because they wanted to attend tours across the country. She decided she would have to go out with a bang on her Thursday night performance, seeing as how it was her only night. She would make sure that out of the three nights, Thursday would be the night most talked about, the most remembered.

Lena wasn’t the only one impatiently waiting for the production though. On several separate occasions she thought her family were going to murder her. Although they never actually would, it’s not like she came from a family of crazed murderers and psychopaths or anything, they were actually very supportive, but then again they always were.

But Lena could tell that after the hundredth time, her thumping and echoing voice, even coming from the guest house was putting her family on edge. It would’ve put her on edge aswell, she was about as fed up with all the rehearsals aswell, and singing the same songs over and over, what was once love slowly developed into hate.

Before, Lena was proud to say that _Grease_ was her favourite movie of all time, but now she could barely stand to even think about it. Every day for hours after school ended, the cast would run and re-run the production to the point of complete exhaustion.

The Director was some fancy French croissant from Juilliard named Gaspard and he found little imperfections with each run through. One several occasions Lena was tempted to call him ‘Bastard’ instead of ‘Gaspard’. But no one actually spoke back to the man when he found the issues, he was the best of the best. Well, no one except for Kara.

It had been a particularly long day and Lena could see the strain on Kara’s face. She certainly sympathised with the pain Kara must have felt in those gigantic heels, but the director had kept them back for a few extra rehearsals because one of the set lights wasn’t in focus on the last number, something that could’ve been fixed without another rehearsal.

And just when they thought it was time to go home, the director called for another run. Kara had faced him square, reefed off her heels and threw them down beside the man, snapping at him about how he should try dancing around in foot long heels for hours, cause it’s not like he had any experience in foot long’s. There were gasps amongst the cast and Mr Schuester was none too pleased about Kara’s outburst. But Lena certainly sympathised.

Kara had been better too though, coming to think of it. Where Lena expected Kara to still be giving her longing looks of guilt or trying to catch her after hours, Kara stayed away, seemingly respecting Lena’s boundaries finally. Only giving Lena a few shy smiles each time they locked eyes when they weren’t on stage. And every time Lena caught one of those smiles, it was just like the one Kara gave her at the beginning of the week.

Lena was conflicted to say the least. She tried to reciprocate some of those smiles to put Kara at ease, or maybe make her happy on a particularly long day, but it was hard when she kept getting the mental image of Mike and Kara in bed.

Mike certainly wasn’t shy to boast about it behind Kara’s back, although Kara made a bit of a scene the other week, it was really only Lena and Mike who knew what was up. But over the short period of time leading up to the performance, Mike had been very vocal about his excitement when telling his friends behind Kara’s back.

Lena wanted to say something, to tell Mike to shut up and not be disrespectful, she wanted Kara to end it with him simply because her thoughts still hadn’t changed, Kara could do better than Mike. But she never did, Kara wasn’t her friend anymore and it wasn’t her place, she could only genuinely hope that Mike wasn’t in it just for the sex now.

As much as Lena still hurt about Kara choosing him, she wasn’t all that sure that Kara genuinely liked Mike. It was the small things she noticed, the way sometimes Kara had flinched when Mike came to hug her, the way she seemed to be looking everywhere but Mike when he was talking, even the way she forced a smile onto her face. Lena knew because Lena recognised that smile. It had been used on her many times, she was just smart enough to know it was fake.

The most noticeable was in the _Sandy and Danny_ duet at the end of the play, the magic spark just wasn’t there. Not that it was really there in the first place, but Lena could tell their had been at least a connection between them, but now it just seemed more like tension. No one else seemed to notice, only Lena, she had always noticed the small things, particularly when it came to Kara.

But Lena couldn’t make assumptions. If Kara genuinely liked Mike, she wouldn’t wish the feeling of being used for sex on Kara. She knew that sex for Kara and sex for Mike were two completely different concepts. Where for mike it was a pleasurable release, and for Kara it was a comittment, despite her previous actions.

In a weird and messed up way, she was kind of glad she was able to be of service to Kara. After all, she was Kara’s first and that was something that couldn’t be taken back, so she was glad that for the time being, Kara’s first time was with someone who actually loved her. If anything, that was the one thing she didn’t regret about her and Kara.

That no matter what happens between her and Mike, Kara will always know that her first time was with someone who loved her, that her first time was with Lena. That was something Mike could never have, Kara’s virginity. Kara had been more than vocal about her thoughts of sex to Lena on a number of occasions, sex was more than just an act. For Kara it was giving yourself to another in the most intimate of ways. And Lena only hoped that Mike was as considerate, but for now, she had a performance to do.

The lights lit up the stage in a series of warm oranges, yellows and blues, signalling the beginning of the first Act. Kara and Mike ran out onto the stage, chasing after each other and dancing around like the happiest couple in the world. And the more Lena watched, the more she realised it was quite the opposite.

* * *

The cheering of the crowd was all Lena could register once the final act had finished. It was overwhelming, and slightly sad because it was over, but the atmosphere was electrifying. Everyone was up and out of their seats, cheering, whistling and clapping.

It was a sensory overload, and Lena almost felt feint. The applause seemed to go on for hours, and Lena used that time to study the crowd. She recognised a lot of students in her grade, her teachers, she recognised Alex and Maggie who gave her a nod, she recognised her mother towering over everyone within a ten row radius and her father, Lionel, wiping tears from his eyes, ever the emotional.

But then she noticed someone else, _Sam_. The girl smirked mischeviously while Lena tried to wrap her head around the fact that Sam was here, convinced that Sam couldn’t make it. Obviously Sam was a bit of a trickster. The brunette gave Lena a wink and Lena swooned at the fluttering feeling in her gut.

Eventually the crowd started filing out and Lena was left trying to make it down to her family, Sam waiting patiently a few rows back. She was enveloped in hugs and drowned in kisses from her parents as they applauded Lena even more for her amazing performance.

However, it didn’t take them long to see that Lena’s attention was on a beautiful brunette behind them. Lillian whispered into Lena’s ear “Is that Sam?”

Lena nodded eagerly, her eyes never moving from Sam. Lillian whispered again “Well what are you waiting for!?”

Lena took that as her cue and bounded over to Sam. She threw herself over the girl who stiffened momentarily in surprise at Lena’s affection before she wrapped her arms around Lena and spun her around. The two girls disengaged slightly before smiling at each dumbly, both of them unsure of what to say next.

“I thought you couldn’t make it!” Lena blurted out, her arms still laced behind Sam’s neck.

Sam quirked a brow, “Do you really think I would have missed this? Not a chance in hell I would, Lee”

Lena gaped like a fish, completely lost for words. Sam truly was a Godsend, and Lena couldn’t be happier for the effort Sam had put in to make it to the show. Sam was smiling softly at Lena but there was also something else behind those dark brown eyes. Almost like it was _desire_ , and Lena had only ever seen that look on the night she hooked up with Kara, because it had been Kara who had given it to her.

But here Sam was, her arms securely around Lena’s waist while she looked down upon the green eyed beauty, seemingly waiting patiently for Lena’s next move, waiting for Lena to make the ultimate decision.

Her heart was like a jackhammer in her chest and she could feel her hands start to get clammy. The doubt started to seep it’s way back into Lena’s heart, naturally, she questioned anything good in her life. Afraid that this opportunity might not come again, or that she’d make a fool of herself, Lena didn’t waste a second longer before she leaned in, eagerly closing the space between the two, slightly on her tip-toes as she pressed her lips against Sam’s.

Sam’s soft, pillowy lips were sweet tasting, not like Kara’s but still nice. And Lena scolded herself for thinking about Kara’s lips when kissing another woman. The kiss was chaste, and the gentle brushing of lips almost made Lena hiccup at the surreality of the moment. Goosebumps principled her skin and she could hear the quiet approval of her father whispering to Lillian, “I like her”.

Yeah, I like her too, Lena thought.

* * *

The night could not have gone better, to say the least. The production ran smoothly without any technical errors which was an almost impossibility, but it happened. The atmosphere of the constantly praising crowd fueled the drive in Kara to be at a constant one hundred and ten percent.

Kara hadn’t even register that the play had finished until two massive curtains swung down and blocked her view. Immediately she was enveloped into a hug and lifted off the ground bridal style by an eccentric Mike.

Mr Schuester had also come back stage with the French crossiant and had congratulated everyone for the first night, hoping that the following two nights would be even better. But Kara knew that the next two nights wouldn’t even come close to this one, and that was because of Lena.

Kara had no doubt that Lena’s understudy was perfectly capable of playing a fantastic _Rizzo_ , that’s why she was cast as the understudy in the first place, but no one could ever do a _Rizzo_ like Lena. And if she was honest, Lena was the glue of the production. She was the one who encouraged people to be bigger, better and louder.

Lena was the one who gave the pep talks which inspired everyone right before the play started, and continued to inspire them as the play progressed. The cast and crew looked up to Lena, it was the nurturing and leader-like quality within the girl which shone through in moments like that.

All Kara wanted to do was to find Lena and thank her, because if not for Lena, Kara wasn’t sure she would have been able to perform the way she did. The urge was almost explosive. While trying on costume fittings leading up to the date, Kara had noticed that she had been gaining weight, or more accurately, someone had been sewing her costumes smaller, effectively altering her size to give the illusion that Kara had gained weight.

Lena was the one who caught the culprit red handed only hours before the play, she and pretty much threw the girl, Kitty Wilde, off the stage. And when Kara had her head in a toilet bowl an hour before the play was meant to start because of the horrid mindset she was in about her body, Lena coaxed her to come out and try her costumes. Lena would never admit this, but she sat down and re-sewed Kara’s costumes to their original size.

But Kara didn’t need Lena to tell her, she knew already. So she wanted to thank her. Lena was more than just a fellow cast mate, she held everyone together and helped them during their worst moments, and Kara was eternally grateful that Lena had helped, especially since Kara had given her every reason in the past not to help ever again.

She had spotted Lena from the corner of her eye hugging her parents, but before she could make her move, Lena was with Sam. Of course Sam had to be here, Kara thought. That girl was beginning to become a bad smell, in fact she already was a bad smell, she was damn near everywhere and it was infuriating.

Still, Kara held her ground, waiting for Lena to eventually finish whatever it was she was doing with Sam. She tried to ignore the churning in her stomach when Lena had thrown herself on Sam, because _God,_ did she want to be Sam so much then.

She was within ear shot of the pair and tried not to scoff out loud at the pet names Sam was giving Lena. _Lee_ , what kind of nickname is _Lee_ , Kara thought. That sounds like something one would name their chihuahua, and Lena was no chihuahua. With a name as beautiful as Lena, every syllable needs to be pronounced, and Kara would never be able to part from a single syllable of Lena’s name simply because she wanted to be ‘cute’.

It would be doing a dishonour to Lena herself, but of course, Sam couldn’t know that Lena preferred her full name instead of nicknames, or maybe Lena did like the nickname because it was Sam who said it. That made Kara’s stomach do somersaults, and she prayed for the former.

Just when she thought they were finally done, the unthinkable happened and Kara was positive her heart stopped on the spot. She was positive that this was what a heart attack felt like, a searing pain rippling through her body, a numbing and cold feeling combined with an impending sense of doom. Yep, definitely a heart attack.

It happened in slow motion, she remembered the kiss in every tiny detail, how could she not. The way Lena had practically leapt up to kiss Sam, the way they fit each other like matching puzzle pieces, the way Lena nibbled on Sam’s lower lip upon breaking contact. And as she found herself mindlessly waddling to the best of her ability, out of the auditorium on sore feet, and she let the tears fall down flooding rivers in a torrential thunderstorm.

* * *

 

She couldn’t remember how she ended up in this position, the last few days were all a big blur. Sure she had asked for it, and it was all a power play to assert her revenge, dominance, whatever she was trying to prove at the time over Lena.

But how mistaken she had been. It took a while for Kara to realise how she truly felt, maybe too long considering her boyfriend was currently dry humping her as if that were suitable foreplay, and as if his life depending on it. Clearly Mike couldn’t wait for Friday to come. Also considering that Kara had watched Lena play tonsil tennis with Sam the previous night, and by now she could probably already be pregnant.

Lena would know what to do though, Kara thought, and she found herself being all kinds of imaginative. But here she was, stuck in reality where her boyfriend was aroused and desperate, and Kara was wishing the night to be done. It was practically the Sahara _down there_.

She felt sad that she had led Mike into this position. She was sure she had wanted it, wasn’t she? She felt like she had at the time, but now, not so much, in fact, not at _all_. But then again, why should she feel sad? Mike was the one who abused their relationship in the first place, and Kara was the one who was silly enough to go back to him and stay with him despite knowing what he had done, and despite already having been with Lena where her friend proclaimed her feelings. So why did she feel sad?

As Kara thought about it more, the most obscure thing dawned on her. She liked Mike, in the beginning at least. He was smart, for a footballer player, he was funny, he made Kara genuinely smile and he always seemed to have Kara’s best interests at heart, and he could be extremely charming if he wanted to with those dazzling eyes and that pearly smile, but that was until he cheated on her.

Oblivious, Kara then had the best possible thing in her life, someone who loved her and would never abuse her trust like that, but Kara had spit in the face of that. Kara had pulled a _Mike_. It was then, in her awkward position of feigning an orgasm that she realised while she once might have liked Mike, even loved him, it was never the same since _then_. No, far from it. Now it just felt like a chore to love Mike.

Rather, Kara liked the idea that someone like Mike could love her. Someone like Mike who was admired and adored by all, for qualities she couldn’t quite place anymore. It was the hype, no more, no less. And Kara, like many other sexually confused young ladies had fallen for the experience of it all, rather than the connection and feelings.

And for the first time, Kara had truly missed Lena. Sure Lena’s departure left a gaping whole in Kara’s existence but this feeling that she was feeling now was shaking her through her core. It wasn’t just sadness she was feeling, it was full throttle mourning and grief, even though Lena was well and truly alive. But also Kara was disgusted.

Disgusted by herself, disgusted by her actions, disgusted by her behaviour. How she could do such a thing to Lena then go ahead and try to exact some kind of revenge she had no right to exact. What had been going through her mind to even think about doing something like that? If she could, Kara would shed her skin like a snake, at least then she’d have left some part of her toxic life behind. How could it possibly take Kara this long to realise that it was by her own selfish doing that she had destroyed the best thing she had in her life? How could she not realise that she was a monumental _fuckup_.

But Lena had gone. Lena had gone to boarding school for the weekend, possibly forever and Kara had missed her opportunity. But then again, Lena made it clear she wanted no business with Kara beyond the scope of being cast mates, or students in the same grade.

It was a difficult situation, how do you tell someone you’re sorry, you’re truly sorry, sorry because you couldn’t understand how they felt before because your own desires outweighed them, sorry for all the unwarranted and intentionally pain you caused them. Sorry that you didn’t realise that your friendship means more than anything else in the world. Sorry that you didn’t remind them that they _are_ worth it, and they _are_ extraordinary. How do you give yourself to someone like that when they want nothing to do with you.

That’s like trying to attract two magnets that repel, it’s impossible. And for the first time, the word ‘impossible’ was in the vocabulary of Kara Danvers.

It was a horrible time to have such revelations, but while Mike was grinding down on Kara, the only person Kara could think of was Lena. Mike’s eyes became Lena’s eyes, Mike’s lips became Lena’s, and his hands and his body became Lena’s aswell. It was all Kara could think of, it was all Kara wanted and perhaps Mike misinterpreted Kara’s now damp clothing to be of his own doing when in fact it wasn’t.

And Kara was quite disappointed when she watched those green eyes and pink lips close the space between them, only to be brought back to reality by the feeling of scruffy facial hair.

But Kara couldn’t let this continue. She owed the honesty to Mike (debateable), she owed it to herself, but more importantly, she owed it to Lena. Not as a cry for help that _now I’m single I’m ready to talk about us_ , but as a recognition that Kara had fucked up, and that she wasn’t looking for anything in return, just being heard. Kara only wanted to be heard from Lena, even if it killed her.

“Mike... stop...” Kara murmured, not at all out of breath. Mike stopped his thrusting abruptly, looking down at Kara as a layer of sweat adorned his face, his eyes gentle and confused as if he might have hurt Kara in some way.

Kara elaborated with a sigh. “I’m sorry... this isn’t working”.

Mike climbed off Kara, throwing his legs over the of the bed so he was sitting next to Kara, neither of the two looking at each other. “Is it me? Am I doing something? Am I not doing something?” Mike spoke after a long silence, absentmindedly pulling at the crotch of his jeans where a visible wet patch was.

Kara could hear the desperation in his voice. “It’s not anything you’re doing, Mike... it’s... it’s what you’ve done. We gave it another try and it just isn’t right... not for me”.

Mike turned to face Kara now, his eyes pleading. “So you’re saying you don’t have any feelings for me?”.

Yes Mike, that’s exactly what I’m saying, I’m sorry, Kara thought. Instead she opted for another response, “I think that you’re a good friend... but I just don’t feel the same as you. Not anymore.” Kara continued as Mike shifted away, pulling himself up to his feet, “I’m sorry I... I wanted to be able to tell you sooner but I just didn’t know what I felt.” Kara admitted shamefully.

“For months Kara? You didn’t know what to say for months?!” Mike scolded, raising his voice.

Kara kept her gaze focused on the floor. “It’s because of her, isn’t it?” Mike continued.

Kara looked up at him in annoyance, crossing her arms across her chest like she did when she felt exposed or vulnerable, it was an apt response considering she had just bared her soul to Mike. “Mike... this is between you and me” Kara whispered unconvincingly.

Mike had a sympathetic look on his face before he crouched down infront of Kara, placing his hands upon her knees. He lifted her chin with his thumb and forefinger, “You don’t have to say it, Kara... I can already tell. For what it’s worth... I do hope you find happiness, It’s just disappointing that I can’t be the one to give it to you.”

Mike rose slightly, enough to press his lips to Kara’s forehead gently before he pulled away and grabbed his coat. “Don’t be a stranger, Kara” Mike chuckled as he stood by Kara’s door, “I’d still like a little bit of Kara Danvers in my life every now and then.”

* * *

It was the last performance of the show and after the week Kara had, she just wanted to curl up into a ball, far too exhausted for another performance. She considered on multiple occasions to call in sick and let her understudy perform, God knows Kitty Wilde was just praying for Kara to be sick. Actually, Kara was surprised the girl wasn’t even booted off production after trying to sabotage it before it began, but Kitty was the only other person who knew the role as _Sandy_.

But Kara didn’t really have a choice either way, Eliza and Jeremiah had tickets for Saturday’s production and Kara wasn’t in any state of mind to let them down, despite anything else she was feeling, especially since they put up with Kara’s practicing at home without any noise complaints. She had let down too many people recently and she didn’t want to add her adoptive parents to the list.

It was also the second performance without Lena and her absence was noticeable. Her understudy, Santana, was talented enough, and she played the part well, but she was no Lena Luthor. On Friday while performing her solo, Santana’s voice slipped on a particularly low note, something that just can’t be helped sometimes. But Lena had carried the note perfectly on Thursday, Kara thought, Lena _was_ perfect.

Performing with Mike wasn’t as bad as Kara thought it would be either. She had this expectation that Mike would be an arse since their untimely breakup, and it would be awkward having to pretend to be doe-eyed in love with him, but it wasn’t. Mike was friendly and reassuring backstage before their numbers together and Kara felt quite good about her decision to end things, but then she remembered why she did what she did and she was back to a mess again.

After the curtains closed for the final time, Kara released an emotional sigh. She brushed off Winn’s worried glances from across the stage, giving him a small smile. That seemed to satisfy the dorky boy immensely, but really any interaction Kara gave him made him happy. For years, everyone had known that Winn had a puppy crush on Kara, and Kara was just thankful he never acted out on it and she was able to keep her friendship with him, because Lord knows what happens when friends start admitting feelings to each other.

It was almost an hour after the curtains closed and Kara was still backstage, running the pads of her fingers along the _Rizzo_ costume jacket, wishing that a certain someone was it in, wishing that Lena was in it. She hadn’t heard the shuffling of feet behind her until two arms wrapped around her midsection from behind.

Kara sighed contentedly, leaning back into the embrace, running her hands along the person’s wrist until she found the signature watch which meant that this was Alex.

“You okay?” Alex whispered into Kara’s shoulder, gently kissing the skin there.

A lot of people found the relationship between Kara and Alex rather odd. They had even been mistaken as lovers before which was quite uncomfortable. But a lot of people tended to forget that Kara was adopted, and while Alex was her sister, she was also more of a best friend, and their actions weren’t always representing of how biological sisters would act.

Alex had even admitted that if on an alternate universe where Kara wasn’t updated, she probably would have tried to pursue Kara. It had caused the pair to have an afternoon of giggling fits and weed, attempting to wash the weird out of their systems. Not that Kara was a pot head at all, Alex just had some leftovers of some pretty expensive dope from back in her goth days.

Kara chuckled lightly, trying to avoid any more tears from falling from had already fell. “Not really”. She admitted.

Alex rubbed soothing circles on Kara’s fore arms, wrapped around her own. “Eliza and Jeremiah went home, I said you might be a while. So Maggie is waiting in the car park, unless you want to talk? You were amazing by the way.” Kara turned in Alex’s arms and was met with an empathetic smile and gentle eyes. Alex guided Kara to some chairs nearby and waited silently for Kara to talk.

“You were right Alex...” Kara whispered.

Alex whispered in response, understanding that this was a nervous response from Kara. “About what?”

“About everything. You wanted me to find myself but who I am as Kara just feels broken. I lost Mike... and now Lena is gone with someone else which is new and horrible.” Kara released a shaky breath, pushing her glasses up her nose even though they weren’t even close to falling off. She wished she had kept her contacts in. “Alex, I’m trying to be myself again but everything that used to make me feel good, or that felt like a release has just disappeared”.

Alex brought her hand to Kara’s back and began to rub light circles. “It’s not always going to be like this, Kara, I promise” Alex cooed.

Kara smiled timidly at Alex, grasping her sister’s free hand in her own. “My friendship with Lena was the one thing I could count on. If I had a bad day I would see Lena and suddenly I’d be okay or whenever I just needed someone, she would always be there. She would make me feel strong, even though a huge part of me felt weak. And that was taken away from me. If I don’t have Lena then what do I have?” Kara sniffled, her glasses slightly fogging from her warm breath in the chilly room.

“You got me” Alex spoke softly.

Kara stared at Alex, smiling lightly as she sobbed sniffled even louder. “Oh I know that, silly.”

It wasn’t enough knowing that Lena was out there with someone else while Kara was alone. It wasn’t enough knowing that she had to wait until Lena was ready to talk, when in the meantime all she wanted was her best friend. But while Alex held her close and caressed her face, it felt like enough _for now._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after looking at your comments, this fiction will be sticking around longer! I’m glad that so many of you have enjoyed this so far and I hope you stick with me! I like the idea of Lena going to boarding school, because it’s something that she wants, and I’m all for giving the characters what they want. It will be good for her. 
> 
> I’m really thinking about bringing them back together in a Supergirl setting, so in National City, so it’s like a proper crossover between Glee and Supergirl. This is an angsty story, so don’t be surprised when I drop the details of what’s going to happen to our girls, the basis of what I have planned now is realistic so please stick with me :)
> 
> Please let me know what you guys want!! Relationships? I know some want a little AgentReign ;) Characters? Plots? Let me know! Leave a comment or kudos, I love constructive criticism/feedback!~ X0 ALH


	9. Before The Worst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since the two of us talked  
> About a week since the day that you walked  
> Knowing things would never be the same  
> With your empty heart and mine full of pain  
> So explain to me, how it came to this  
> Take it back to the night we kissed  
> It was Dublin city on a Friday night  
> With vodkas and coke, I was Guinness all night
> 
>  
> 
> There was a time, that we'd stay up all night  
> Best friends, yeah, talking 'til the daylight  
> Took the joys alongside the pain  
> With not much to lose but so much to gain

Lena had never really been fond of flying, even as a little girl. Even though she knew it was statistically the safest way to travel, she avoided planes at all costs. Fortunately for her, she had only ever needed to fly three times in her life. The first was when she visited Europe with her parents when she was seven, the second when she flew to Canada with her family and the Danvers’ when she was thirteen years old, and now, when she was on a plane headed for the other side of the country.

Lena had attended all her scheduled classes on the Friday, and had even wished a few of her cast mates good luck throughout the day and to text her how they go in their performance. But by the time the final bell rang, Lena was speeding off back home. She had packed her suitcase that morning in preparation for the seven o’clock flight she would be boarding with her mother.

The flight itself was reasonably smooth and wasn’t all that long, the first class tickets were certainly the only advantage of flying though, as coach didn’t have ice-cream, but first class did. Upon arriving at the airport in Oregon, Lena was met with an over enthusiastic Sam who gleefully bounded over to her. Lena was caught off guard by the quick peck Sam gave her, nonetheless, the followed Sam to the parking bay where she had organised a town car to take them all back to campus.

The boarding school looked incredible. It was situated out of the town area and more on the plateau at the base of the mountains. Lena figured that’s why they called the school _Mount_. The school was surrounded by the luscious, green undergrowth of the mountains, and a large lake was beside the base, in the valley between two mountains.

There was a large plaque on the front of the large metal gates surrounding the school that read; _‘Mount Highmore Academy Boarding School’_. A large, orange, gravelled driveway revealed itself upon turning in, splitting down the centre of a pristine lawn with a view of the high rise, almost castle looking school at the end of the driveway.

Upon getting closer, Lena realised the driveway fanned out into a large stone concreted pavement, with a circular drive for temporary parkers. A large, sculpted water fountain was situated in the middle of the circular drive, and another right behind of the tall hedges surrounding the grass expanse. Small pathways with trees, seats and tables split up the grass expanse where few students were seen reading and kicking a soccer ball.

The building itself looked almost historic, like something from the renaissance era. Statues were situated across the high rises of the architecture and the school itself was shaped in a large ‘U’ shape which allowed for a large dark grey and light grey patterned courtyard.

Sam explained the school as having a south wing, a west wing and a north wing running along the boarders of part of the courtyard. The north wing was broken off into sections for all the dormitories, entertainment rooms, common rooms, eating halls and bathrooms. The west wing held the presentation hall, administration, executive and faculty offices. The south wing was the largest, and was academic wing.

Tours throughout the complex showed state of the art scientific and engineering labs with machinery Lena had never seen before. There were computer labs, science labs, all the labs one could think of. The classrooms were larger than back at Lima, similar to lecture halls, and the resources alone were considerably better. The hallways and stairwells were large enough to avoid cluster surprisingly, and they even accommodated an elevator for the semi-ambulant students in wheelchairs or walkers.

Outside there was a large, in door fifty metre swimming pool and diving tour, tennis courts, basketball courts, netball courts and squash courts. The school even had a small running track, a soccer field and what looked to be a feature maze. They sure did take their sports seriously, Lena thought.

The back of the school conjoined in with courtyard via multiple pathways that ran underneath the raised parts of the buildings. It was very Hogwarts-esque.

  
It was by far the largest, and most impressive school Lena had ever seen. And the food... the food was to die for. Saturday morning breakfast consisted of kranskies, toast, bacon, eggs, tomato, hashbrowns and mushrooms, it was an entire cook up. They even catered for the few vegetarians and vegans. The beds were almost as comfortable as her own bed back home aswell.

Lena had decided. Boarding school was definitely a great idea.

* * *

The festive season and holidays weren’t always the happiest time in Kara’s year. With recent events in particular, they were now the unhappiest. Kara was eternally grateful that the Danvers adopted her almost immediately after her parents departure when she had just turned thirteen, and she loved them dearly for all they had done for her, but holidays were just another reminder of all the pain and loss she had suffered.

It wasn’t always painful. Her biological father, Zor, knew Lionel Luthor from doing businesses with L-Corp before Kara was born, that’s partly why Kara had been sent to the same kindergarten as Lena, their fathers figured it could be a bonding opportunity for the girls. How right they had been.

Zor had worked on and off for Lionel as a tech consultant, and her mother Alura often represented L-Corp in the court room when the occasional disgruntled employee decided to sue Lionel for apparent breaches of contract. Zor began inventing new gadgets for L-Corp and often advised the inventory and manufacturing departments of issues that needed to be addressed, where it was financial, ethical or industrial. He had made quite a name for himself and became quite a good friend to the Luthor’s.

It was there that the two father had also met Jeremiah Danvers, the young man who would later become Kara’s adoptive father. Jeremiah had worked for L-Corp aswell for five short years before he left to put his aerospace engineering degree to use at a local university, lecturing students in Astronomy 121.

The Danver’s, Luthor’s and El’s had become quick family friends, until tragedy struck when Kara was thirteen. On what was meant to be a family getaway, what would become the worst bushfires in the history of the country and swept across multiple states and engulfed the land surrounding the area in which the El’s were camping.

Luckily, Kara had been rescued by emergency services, but her parents bodies were discovered three days later. Kara had always thanked the God’s that at least her parents had a non-painful death, and were asphyxiated before the flames reached them. Still, it was a painful memory.

Both the Luthor’s and the Danver’s had volunteered to adopt young Kara, and it was ultimately the Danver’s who did. Eliza was lucky enough to have just Alex alone due to her endometriosis, even though Alex almost killed her in child birth.

It took a long time for Kara adjust to her new life, to adjust to new her new parents, her new family. It was hard for her to accept for so long, but eventually she realised that the people who looked after her loved her just as much as her biological parents, that they would do anything for her.

Slowly she found herself blossoming into a beautiful young woman, full of the spirit of her parents which lived on through her each day.

But before all that, each year the three families would sometimes gather for holidays such as Thanksgiving. Then up until recent years, it had just been the Luthor’s and Danvers, which Kara was always excited about because it meant she could be with her best friend, Lena. But this was the first year that Kara felt truly alone. She had always had her parents, and then when she didn’t have them, she had Lena. But this holiday, she had no one. Only her memories, and they were nothing but a debilitating and aching pain.

She knew she was being selfish because she knew she had Alex, and her adoptive parents, but she also knew what she felt. And in a house full of love, warmth, and holiday cheer, she felt completely and utterly alone. All she had left was to let her mind sift through pain upon pain until it found what it was looking for.

_**Two Years Ago** _

_“Kara you know we can get in trouble” Lena cautioned as she shuffled behind her best friend._

_“Lena, come on. The only way we’ll get in trouble is if someone catches... which they won’t. Now stop being a baby” Kara nudged her best friend._

_It had been a year since Kara’s biological parents had passed, and her adoptive family and the Luthor’s decided that they would do something extra special this year for a young Kara._

_A few months before thanksgiving, the Luthor’s took it upon themselves to book two family passes to the Canadian Rocky Mountain’s, ‘Buffalo Mountain Lodge’. At the time, Lena and Kara had been starting their final year of middle school, Alex had been in her sophomore year, and Lex had just finished his senior year._

_The two families had spent the entire thanksgiving break at the lodge, some of them having more fun than others._

_“Kara I swear to God if we get caught!” Lena shrieked under her breath._

_Kara turned around and flicked Lena’s nose, which earnt the brunette one of Lena’s signature glares. She was used to them though after all these years. Not even Kara in her bikini could settle Lena this time, her friend truly was paranoid. The two girls had snuck out from their rooms and ventured downstairs and outside to the heated pool overlooking the landscape._

_The lodge was pretty lenient with their rules, considering it was one of the more pricey places to stay. But the lodge did have a rule against guests swimming in the pool after hours, as they couldn’t be accountable for any injuries when health personnel weren’t on duties. But Kara knew how to sneak past the security camera’s._

_“Come on, Lena, it’s so warm” Kara encouraged as she submerged herself in the heated water._

_Reluctantly Lena obliged and quietly made her way into the pool and waded over to Kara. She couldn’t help the whimper that escaped her mouth at the warmth the pool provided in the chilly Canadian air. It was like taking a hot shower after a cold day and it was enough to tempt Lena into sleep right then and there._

_“It’s good isn’t it?” Kara smirked at Lena’s reaction._

_Lena’s mouth hung open in humouress pleasure as she began to chuckle at Kara. “Shut up you, boof! They’ll hear us!” Kara seethed, and came crashing over in the water to slam her hand over Lena’s mouth._

_Lena only laughed harder at Kara’s antics, and began licking at Kara’s hand. Kara reefed her hand away, muttering to herself about poor hygiene and animals, but soon Kara ended up laughing along with Lena as her raven haired friend draped her arm over Kara’s shoulder, and they looked out along the valley._

_The night was clear and the moon was full, illuminating the darkened sky like a night time sun. The moon and stars reflected off the surface of the water, creating a luminous glow along Kara’s slickened skin. It was probably the first time Lena had ever felt something so strong deep in her core._

_She wanted Kara so bad in that moment, but she knew she could never have her. Kara was her friend, she would only ever be her friend._

_“It’s so beautiful” Kara spoke aloud, absentmindedly._

_Lena looked across at Kara, her eyes tracing the girl’s flawless features. “It is.” She replied, her eyes never leaving the brunette._

_**Present Time** _

It was hard to think about such things anymore, even though these were happy memories. But now, her relationship with Lena had been forever stained from her mistakes, she knew that, and that only meant her memories would follow suit.

If she could go back and do it all again, she probably would. She would’ve kissed Lena right then and there without caring about the consequences. For too long Kara spent standing in the shadows, not understanding her feelings, perhaps because she was too afraid to admit them, of what they meant.

She was afraid, afraid of Lena because loving someone like that is giving someone the power to hurt you, but trusting that they won’t. Kara was afraid that Lena would end up hurting her, when instead, it was Kara who did the hurting.

Consequently, she had pushed those desires away for so long, and even gave herself distractions like Mike. The distractions had worked, and they worked well for a long time. But now, nothing was working. Nothing was standing in the way of how Kara felt about Lena. And maybe she wasn’t ready to admit it out loud yet, because if she did, there was no taking it back. She would be giving Lena the power, and she wasn’t ready for that. But for the first time, she had admitted it to herself. And she thought, I think I love Lena Luthor.

* * *

 

The weekend had gone by quicker than Lena had expected, and she was disappointed to say the least. She had spent the last two days in tours, orientations, and even participated in the out of school hours activities. She had certainly showed a few boarding school seniors the proper way to play soccer.

But thanksgiving week was holiday week, and come Sunday afternoon, many students at Highmore had already left campus to go home for the holidays.

The only students who remained were those who had parents overseas, and those who couldn’t exactly venture home for various reasons. So while Lillian was out about in the town, doing what mothers do when they visit a new place, go to all the art stores, the furniture stores and antique stores, Lena was back at Highmore in one of the common rooms in the north wing.

The fire place was ablaze, and Sam and Lena were tucked underneath a blanket, their legs intertwined as they rested back on opposite ends of a couch. Lena was admiring the dancing flames and soaking in the heat while Sam was rubbing her fluffy sock clad foot over Lena’s calf.

“I hope I didn’t startle you the other day...” Sam mumbled out of the blue.

Lena switched her attention to Sam, and cocked a brow. “Hmm?” She responded.

Sam smiled softly. “I said I hope I didn’t startle you, that I wasn’t too forward when I kissed you”.

Lena nodded casually, trying to bring her mind to formulate a verbal response. To be honest, she was caught off guard initially. Lena never really was one for punlocking displays of affection, with the exception of certain people. But for some reason, unlike so many other people who had hugged her or kissed her in public, Lena realised she had actually embraced Sam’s actions instead of reject them.

Hell, she had even punch a boy when she was eight years old after he gave her a rose. The rose was sweet but the spontaneous and unwanted kiss was not. But with Sam, it felt entirely different. And with Sam, Lena had found her defensive walls crumbling faster than ever.

Sam was generous, quirky, beautiful, and she had a heart of gold. Her intentions were pure and she valued her relationship with Lena, that’s more than Lena could say for some. Where Kara was grounded and compassionate, like the earth and oceans, Sam was the ranging winds and the fire, full of warmth and ferocity.

Where Kara was shy or intimidated, Sam was confident and imposing. Where Kara was quiet and accepting, Sam was commanding and defiant. Where Kara was sunshine and daises, Sam was the thunderous storm. Sam brought an intensity to Lena’s life that was equally desirable and appealing at the same time, and Lena didn’t realise how much she had needed it until it came.

Kara and Sam were opposites in their own right, and while Lena knew it was bad to compare them both, for they both had qualities that Lena dreamt of in a person, maybe Lena needed to overcome her fear toward the bite of the flames, maybe she needed to get burnt. Maybe she needed to finally feel that heat on her skin. She definitely deserved it.

Sam cleared her throat to gather Lena’s wandering attention, and Lena realised she had probably taken too long to answer. Better late than never.

“No, not all. I... I actually liked it. I thought maybe we could do it again?” Lena clicked her tongue at the end of her sentence, and Sam’s shiver did not go unnoticed.

The brunette smirked before crawling over so she was partially straddling Lena’s outstretched legs. “You did, did you?” Sam cocked her head.

Lena hid her eyes nervously and bit her bottom lip. She could feel the clenching in her core at the shear intensity of the moment. Sam noticed Lena’s shifting beneath her, and she lifted Lena’s chin with her index finger.

Dark brown orbs met green, and Lena swallowed the lump in her throat. “Don’t do that” Sam whispered, her breath ghostly over Lena’s lips.

Lena’s eyes snapped closed on instinct, and her breathing picked up exponentially, and her mind was flooded with the sweet taste of Sam’s lips. “Do what?” She croaked with a dry throat, absentmindedly biting her lip again. It had only really become a habit around Sam.

Sam position herself more thoroughly on Lena until her entire weight was resting on the raven haired girl. “ _That_ ” Sam husked, “Only _I_ get to do _that_ ”.

Lena was slightly confused for a few moments until Sam closed the distance between them and attached her lips to Lena’s. Lena tried to kiss back, but found it hard on the weird angle that Sam was on. Either Sam was a bad kisser or... _oh_. So that’s what Sam meant, Lena thought, as Lena saw the glint in Sam’s eyes as the elder girl began tugging on Lena’s bottom lip with her teeth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First things first I’m a realest. Actually no, but first things first, sorry if these doesn’t sound as of the same quality? I sat on this for days and I was just lacking inspiration. My mind has been elsewhere, but I’ll make it up to you guys!
> 
> I do hope you enjoyed this update, there’s a bit of a background about the families! They all knew each other pretty much because they are all either doctors, engineers, scientists, inventors and what not. Thanksgiving week is not over, I will expand more next chapter! Let me know what you think and Come say hi on Twitter @AiLaikHeda___ , until next time ~ X0 ALH


	10. Photograph

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes  
> But it's the only thing that I know  
> When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes  
> It is the only thing makes us feel alive
> 
> We keep this love in a photograph  
> We made these memories for ourselves  
> Where our eyes are never closing  
> Hearts are never broken  
> And time's forever frozen still

_“Wake up!”_

Kara was roused to consciousness within an instant. Her heart was beating like rapid fire and all she could see were the flames. All she could feel was the heat engulfing her, and the toxic, suffocating smoke surrounding her like a thick blanket of claustrophobia. It had happened again. It hadn’t happened in a long time, but whenever it did happen, it always happened around the same time each year.

Her adoptive mother Eliza came bursting into the room within seconds, and she flung her arms around Kara’s hyperventilating and catatonic frame.

“Breathe Kara. Deep breaths in, deep breaths out”. Eliza cooed, “Come on baby, focus. Look at me, you’re safe. It’s over and you’re safe”.

Kara needn’t try and tell Eliza what was wrong, the elder women just knew. She had become used to Kara’s nightmares over years, but these ones were different from the rest. She didn’t need to be told what was happening to already know.  
She never asked what happened either, sometimes Kara would tell her, sometimes she wouldn’t, but Kara was just grateful that Eliza was there each time the walls came caving in, she was grateful that Eliza knew.

It took a further twenty minutes of Eliza’s soft coaxing and reassurances until Kara could physically see the world around her beyond her night terror. Her eyes were red and puffy, her nose snotty and her vision blurry, but she could make out that Jeremiah was crouched at the end of her bed, Alex was standing by the door frame with watery eyes, and she could feel Eliza pressed up behind her, pulling her back into open arms, rocking her softly.

The night terrors and the nightmares were the worst. At least with her memories Kara had control over them. Though they weren’t always voluntary, because anything really could jar a memory up within her. The smell of smoke or burnt food coming from the kitchen, the sight of small fire pits, even bright construction lights could set her off. At least she could choose to switch her emotions off and block out the bad memories.

But in her sleep, in her mind it was a prison. Her nightmares were like Shawshank, and she couldn’t escape them no matter how hard she tried. For the first year following her parents death, Kara had seen a therapist weekly, sometimes even multiple times a week when it was particularly bad. After the second year, her recovery had been prominent, and it was only the monthly visits. By the third year, it was really only when she needed to see the therapist.

But no matter how much progress she had made during a year, she would always revert back to the exact same spot around the time of thanksgiving, afterall, it was in a thanksgiving holiday that the accident had happened.

Only few people were ever told the story of what happened in detail. Many people knew of Kara’s tragic past, but only few had been told the gory details, the Luthor family, the Danvers family, a few teachers and Principal Henshaw. They were the only people who needed to know.

Three years ago, the Danvers had strayed from thanksgiving tradition and decided to take an impromptu camping trip in the mountains. It wasn’t in fire season, however, the past few weeks had been considerably dry, even up in the mountains. Still, there was low warnings of fire risks.

The Danvers had set up camp about a quarter mile from a secluded camp site deep within the mountains. They were the only family outside of the camping zone, but Zor had encouraged that they wouldn’t get the true camping experience if they stayed around with over a dozen other families. The family had just finished celebrating Kara’s thirteenth birthday too, and Kara was eager to test her new hiking ropes and caribenas.

The first few days were spent hiking, fishing, building tree forts and wood carving, climbing the cliff faces and hunting for wild rabbits. It was the ultimate experience and one of Kara’s favourite holidays, so far, but that was until the heat. On one of the last nights of their trip, two days after thanksgiving, Kara had awoken in the middle of the night with an urgent need to relieve herself.

She could’ve either walked down the hill to the porta potties by the lake, or walked a quarter mile to the camp site, because there was no way in hell that Kara was littering her excreted matter over nature, that’s just not eco-friendly in her point of view, so she chose the latter. She should’ve been more observant, more aware, but instead she only thought it was the fog. It didn’t help she couldn’t smell anything due to a cold she had been getting over.

She was completely oblivious to the danger approaching her, and she blamed herself every day for her parents deaths. If only she had seen it more clearly, if only she didn’t have her stupid cold, her parents could still be alive.

She had reached the campsite without issues and was on her way back when she saw it. At first it looked like the sunrise, shinning a series of oranges and reds in the distance. But the night was still dark,?and she knew it was too early for a sunrise. As she got closer, the colours began moving, jumping from tree to tree like a wolf spider and it’s prey, and within seconds, the land before her was engulfed in a raging torrent of flames.

If not for the residents in the camp site, Kara would’ve joined her parents. Her nightmare had remained the same for years, always the same events up until the fire, and then she would see her parents bodies, crisped, blackened and deteriorated by the flames. Then her mother would say two words and only two words, “wake up”.

That’s all it took for Kara to be back there in the forrest, hearing the screams of campers, feeling the hands of people who tried to pull her away while she tried to get back to her tent. She had thought she had been getting better, she hadn’t had a nightmare in months, but all good streaks come to an end.

After weeks of investigation, it was concluded that the fire was caused after hooligans had snuck out during midnight to set off some firecrackers. One of the firecrackers had fallen over and the sparks had flown in the direction of the dried grass and leaves, the perfect kindling for a disaster. Of course, they couldn’t be held accountable for the deaths, it was a freak accident.

The following morning Kara expected to be woken by her alarm, until she realised it was the holiday week. Kara pulled herself out of bed, her mind still swimming with the events of last night, her screams, Eliza comforting her back to sleep, and staying with her through the night. It had been worse though, she thought. Last night was one of the better episodes she’s had.

Upon entering the family room, Kara was surprised to see a stack of presents on the table, cards addressed to her, and a warm cup of cocoa and marshmallows. That’s right, it was her birthday.

Of all the celebrations to look forward to in the year, her birthday was not one of them. Like so many things, it was just another reminder. Last year she had completely forgotten it was her birthday, and ended up sleeping in until two o’clock in the afternoon, that was until Eliza pulled her out of bed so she could at least open her presents.

Kara was thankful that her family respected her reservedness about her birthday though, considering it’s unfortunate time. She was glad that she lived with people who had come to know her so well in a short period of time. Through the window, she could see Eliza and Jeremiah on the front deck sitting on the swing, Alex still nowhere to be found.

Kara silently made her way outside and snuggled herself between her adoptive parents. Not a word was spoken, and only silent glances were shared. The simplicity of it all was incredible. Her adoptive parents smiled at her like she was responsible for the stars in the sky, and she knew that no matter how broken she would get, she always had people who would love her.

Jeremiah pulled a card out from behind him and held it infront of Kara after a few minutes of solace. Kara eyed the the envelope with curious eyes and a mischevious smirk before her resolve broke and she leapt forward to snatch the envelope with a sinister, yet adorable, throaty chuckle.

She ripped open the paper and came face to face with a card that had a picture of a Siberian Husky pup. It’s piercing cyan eyes stared directly into Kara’s soul, and the brunette almost wept at the cuteness of the cardboard creature. Before she could open the card and reveal its contents, the sound of an engine ceasing in the driveway grabbed her attention.

Alex stepped out of the car with a large box that she held like her life depended on it. Maggie emerged aswell with the dopeyest smile Kara had ever seen, those two were always up to no good. As Alex approached, Kara heard scratching, then she heard sniffling, then she heard the tiniest growl ever.

Alex slowly removed the box lid, and Kara’s smile grew and grew until it couldn’t grow anymore. “No!” She shrieked.

* * *

 

Their stay at Highmore Academy was over long before Lena would’ve liked, and soon enough, she was back home unpacking her bags and sorting out all her orientation information. She was home for all of fifteen minutes until she felt her phone buzzing in her pocket.

She pulled the device out and a smile immediately crept onto her face when she saw Sam’s flashing smile.

“Couldn’t even wait a couple hours could you?” Lena teased, and she could imagine Sam rolling her eyes.

 _“Quiet, you”_ Sam clapped back jokingly, _“Open up your Skype, I want to see that beautiful face of yours.”_

Lena felt her stomach flutter at the compliment, and she eagerly pulled her laptop open and opened up Skype where she was met with another call coming from Sam. She awkwardly accepted the call and looked back and forth between Sam and her phone, opting to hang the phone up.

Sam chuckled a little before immediately telling Lena everything that had happened in the past few hours they had been apart. Lena internally groaned, she liked Sam, and she liked the attention that Sam gave her, except it could be a bit too much sometimes. And to be honest, Lena didn’t really want to hear about what Sam had gotten up to within a few hours of not seeing her. Quite frankly, Sam got up to absolutely nothing. 

She was quite the character, and Lena didn’t want to say that she was self absorbed or anything, because she wasn’t, she simply loved sharing everything about her life with the people around her, even if that means she has to talk non-stop for what seems like centuries.

But still, Lena listened intently because Sam was worth it, and Lena also liked to admire the view that was Sam Arias, especially when she was going into passionate detail about her kale salad and her latest creative assignment. Sam was beautiful when she became passionate about things, she was beautiful all the time. But she would get a little crinkle on her nose whenever she went off on a tangent, it wasn’t like Kara’s crinkle though. Nothing could compare to Kara’s, even if it was Samantha Arias.

Sam continued to talk for a while longer before she began asking Lena about her application progress. _“You know, you can always submit a mock application?”_ Sam said encouragingly.

“A what?” Lena cocked her head

 _“A mock application”_ Sam said again. _“Basically, the school looks at your transcript from freshman year to now, they consider your application response and if you meet the criteria, they’ll ask you to come in for an aptitude test. They’ll give you a convergence score after that. The higher your score, the more chance you have for early admissions.”_

Lena shook her head at the onslaught of information, trying to process it all in the midst of her excitement. “Early admission? Like I will be accepted before the school year ends?”.

 _“Yes!”_ Sam said enthusiastically, _“You’re not necessarily starting your junior year early or anything if you’re accepted, but Highmore cater a sophomore programme for students with academic excellence to finish off their last semester.”_

“How often does that happen?” Lena questioned, stending up to focus her attention back on unpacking. If she was honest, she wasn’t quite expecting the possibility of not finishing her year at Lima. She still had friends at Lima and she still wanted to make the most of her last semester with her friends. For some reason, the entire idea of leaving without doing that just felt sour.

Sam continued, unaware of Lena’s change of mood. _“All the time, it’s all a system of numbers and credits. If you have enough, then you can move to the next stage. In fact, there was this one student who even graduated their Sophomore year early specifically to transfer into junior year.”_

“At Highmore?” Lena asked, stopping her movements to thoroughly listen to Sam, well aware that Sam thought she wasn’t listening.

 _“Not at Highmore, no, but it happened a few years ago at our brother boarding school, St Bernard’s Academy. It happened to Maxwell Lord, he’s an absolute genius. He was accepted in after a semester of sophomore year and he graduated senior year with the highest SAT scores in the country”._ Sam’s face twisted in disgust as she spoke about the boy and Lena found it intriguing as to what could cause a response from Sam like that.

“Jesus” Lena mumbled, not sure on how to respond.

Sam laughed in disbelief, _“I know right. He basically graduated with as many engineering degrees as fingers and tore I have. He’s a billionaire inventor now, something about how one of his inventions increased electrical impulses and cerebral cortex functioning in the brain’s of comatose patients. Not to mention he created the worlds first and fastest eco-train. All I’m saying is it can be done”._

Sam’s undertone didn’t go unnoticed by Lena. It was obvious that Sam wanted her at Highmore as soon as possible. Lena’s original feelings about still hadn’t changed, and she was keen as ever to be going to boarding school, it was her education after all, but as she thought about what Sam said, she realised that maybe she wasn’t ready to say goodbye to her friends just yet.

It was a battle between her heart and head. Lena _always_ put her education first and _always_ chose the most beneficial and logically choice. But in this case, she would lose no matter what she chose. If she went earlier, she would probably sever the relationships she had with her friends in the process, and she would miss them dearly. But if she stayed, she would be missing out on the biggest educational advantage of her life. And then, there was also the issue with Kara.

Part of her wanted everything to be okay with Kara, because she certainly didn’t want to be leaving Lima with that friendship still torn. But part of her wasn’t so sure things _could_ be okay with Kara at all.

Lena wasn’t quite sure what she felt for Kara anymore. She rarely thought about the girl, but when she did, her emotions were neither good or bad. She was neutral, but she had no innate desire to immediately fix things with Kara, not yet. She felt it deep down though, her feelings still existed for Kara, they would always exist for Kara.

But giving in to those feelings meant that she was opening herself up to the chance that Kara could hurt her again, and Lena didn’t know if she could survive that pain again. Even in her most twisted thoughts, she cared for Kara, in a way that just can’t be mirrored to anyone else. She loved Kara because Kara was her _one_ , no matter what she felt for Sam, Kara would _always_ be her one. The difference was, she trusted Sam, but she didn’t trust Kara, not in the slightest. 

And she’s didn’t know if she could voluntarily subject her heart to that familiar pain once again if things didn’t work out. 

The afternoon carried on, mostly consisting of Lena texting Sam on and off between catching up on Friday’s homework, and watching _Friends_. It was past dinner when she logged onto Facebook for the first time that day, and she felt her heart swell in an instant.

In the centre of her screen loaded a large picture of Kara, holding two puppies in either arm as she smiled the most beautiful smile into the camera lens, a smile that Lena hadn’t seen since before their fallout. Lena really missed that smile. Accompanying that image were multiple photos of Kara surrounded by her friends at her house, all uploaded to James’s photography page. Kara was dressed nicely in a mid thigh black dress, her long legs on display where she wore black boots just above her ankle, and a black patterned jacket overtop.

Then Lena remembered, how could she be so clueless and thoughtless. It was Kara’s birthday. She knew she shouldn’t feel jealous or sour that she wasn’t invited, but for some reason she did, and she couldn’t quite place it. Everyone was there, all their friends, even Mike was there! Mike and Kara were meant to be exes, but he still got an invite and Lena didn’t?

Lena was fuming by that point and immediately closed her laptop in a huff, not before stealing another quick look at the photo of Kara and what looked to be her new dachshund and husky. She might have also saved that photo from Facebook, and hid it away on her password encrypted hard drive. No one would need to know about that.

It was almost midnight when Lena was in bed alone with her thoughts. She realised it was immature of her to of been jealous about her not being invited. She had made it clear that she needed time, and Kara probably didn’t even know she was back yet. Kara was just trying to respect Lena’s wishes, but for the first time, Lena wished she hadn’t. Lena knew just how difficult this time of year was for Kara, and the fact that she wasn’t there to be the one to make Kara happy like that was painful.

She pulled out her phone without thinking and sent a quick message to Kara before she could stop herself.

**11:49pm Lena:**

  
_Happy Birthday, Kara._

* * *

 

She was pressed up against the wall panting. She couldn’t remember a time she was this out of breath and this excited all at once. She had been waiting so long for this moment, for years actually. Her senses were tuned into every little growl, every little huff, and the scurrying of little paws along the hardwood floor.

Maggie was beside her, squished up against Kara while they hid from view in the crease of a the lounge room door. They could hear multiple paws clicking and clacking, slipping and sliding as little bodies came scurrying in and out.

Alex was wedge between the couch and the window, sniggering every few seconds. They had been like that for well over five minutes. Waiting patiently for their little bundles of fur to find them, instead they were met with the growls and yaps of annoyed little pups who couldn’t find their owners.

Kara was happy to wait there all afternoon and see just how long it took her pups to find her, but instead Alex had let out a large sneeze which seized the attention of all four fur bodies. Each pup came sliding along the hardwood and started barking at the couch, all too small to quite reach the cushions yet.

Maggie couldn’t contain herself any longer either and burst out from behind the door and was met with all four pups tackling her to the ground, their tails wagging like crazy as Maggie was attacked from an onslaught of slobber.

It was the greatest gift that Kara could have ever asked for, and one she certainly wasn’t expecting. The Danvers had initially bought a miniature, golden dachshund pup for Kara, but on their way home they stopped by the shelter and found a small husky. Apparently the owners dropped seven of the little things off at the shelter a few days ago, claiming they didn’t have time to try and sell them as they were on the verge of moving states.

The little husky the Danvers picked up was the last of the litter, and it was the exact little thing that Kara had been asking for, for ages. After she had opened the box earlier in the morning, Kara was met with a fierce looking little girl. Her black fur surrounding her eyes slightly frightened Kara at first, she looked like quite the fierce little warrior. Her electric cyan eyes bled into Kara’s very existence, and before she knew it, she felt hot, watery trails down her cheeks.

She reach for the pup in the box, only to have her hand come in contact with another fluff ball, a miniature Dachshund. Kara had named them immediately, having already known exactly what she would want to call them if she ever had any pups. She named them Lexa and Schnitzel respectively, and her adoptive parents were more than happy that throughout the morning, Kara’s pain and sadness from her haunting memories slowly dissipated with each snuggle, nibble and lick that came from her new babies.

The three girls ended up playing with the pups all morning while Jeremiah and Eliza started on Kara’s surprise birthday preparations. Maggie had ended up stopping by her place to bring over her two shepherds which she got a little over two years ago, Bear and Moose.

Eliza and Jeremiah hadn’t told Kara this, but they had been planning a surprise birthday for week. They understood just how hard this time of year was for Kara, and just how much harder it was for her to cope without the support from Lena. Not that it was Lena’s fault, they just wanted to bring a familiar happiness to Kara’s usually morbid holiday.

What Kara hadn’t expected was the series of knocks on her door as she was getting dressed for what Alex told her was a ‘family dinner’. Instead, she was met with Winn, James, Lucy, Mike, Siobhan, Eve, Leslie, and a series of other friends from Glee club. Soon enough, Kara’s house was full of her closest friends, and it was the first year that she had gone a birthday without thinking about her parents.

Eliza had slaved over the oven all morning and afternoon, cooking pizza to lamb shanks, roast potatoes to parties pies. The spread was absolutely incredible and Kara was in a state of euphoria, particularly when the karaoke came out. A few of her friends from Glee club had pulled off the couch to sing Bruno Mars’s _Locked Out of Heaven._

Her puppies were beyond excited too, what with all the new sounds, new smells and new people. Mike had been lulling on the floor the past thirty minutes, allowing Lexa and Schnitzel to trample all over his chest.

Before she knew it, hours had passed of one of the most memorable birthdays she could have asked for. She honestly had won the jackpot when the Danver’s adopted her. Alex had left with Maggie just before twelve o’clock, and Eliza and Jeremiah had left for upstairs, leaving a few remaining guests around the outside fire pit while some light music still filled the atmosphere.

Kara was in her solitude of silence, watching the flames dance, rise and fall, and her thoughts surprisingly didn’t regress back to her terrible memories. She hadn’t even realised when Mike sat beside her.

“You seem happy now, Kara. I’m glad.” Mike smiled as he took a seat next to Kara, putting his coat over Kara’s shoulders.

Kara smiled at the gesture. “Yeah, I am. It’s hard, but it’s slowly becoming easier.”

Mike sat for a moment in silence, watching the flames with Kara until he spoke up again. “Eliza is great, I thought she might spear me with the fire stick but she didn’t.” He chuckled nervously.

Kara frowned, ataken back by such thoughts. “Oh... Eliza would never. She’s amazing”. She continued, “You know, I never told you about the first time I opened up to her”.

Mike realised the shift in atmosphere, backing up immediately as he thought that perhaps Kara might have had a little too much to drink to open up like this. “You don’t have to Kara, it’s fine...”

“No I...” Kara interrupted, content on telling Mike. “The people I care about know, and I‘d like to tell you. A few months after I was adopted I was in my room one night, my room upstairs, and I remember looking up at the stars and feeling so alone. I would look up there each night, wondering if my parents were up there, if they could see me, if they were in peace. But most of all, if they forgave me.”

Mike listened on as Kara shifted to leaving closer to the flames. “Kara—“

“Wait...” Kara interrupted, taking a breath, “I started to cry and Eliza came in my room and I yelled at her to get out but she refused to leave. She said that my parents would want me to be loved. That nothing would replace them, that they were a part of who I am.”

Mike reached for Kara’s hand, squeezing lightly in a friendly manner. “I think that was the first time I ever let her really hug me and that was the first time I didn’t feel so alone anymore” Kara spoke with a quiver to her voice.

Mike started rubbing soothing circles in Kara’s hand, letting her know that he was here for whatever she needed. “And I’m starting to feel that way again. It’s hard, but it’s the little things that make it bareable, that make it better.” Kara continued, looking up at Mike.

“Did I make it better?” Mike asked

Kara responded sincerely. “You did, Mike. You did.”

Mike chuckled softly before letting go of Kara’s hand and shaking his head slightly. “You’re going too soft on me now, Danvers.” He coughed awkwardly, “Before I go, I uh... I wanted to give you this.” Mike pulled out a wrapped up rectangular gift.

Kara took the object curiously and unwrapped it slowly, revealing something whigh brought her heart to a hault in her chest. “Mike... how did you?” She gasped.

Mike shrugged “I was in the school paper room and was talking to Jimmy. He let me go through some of the old pictures, and I found this one. It was before everything went down with you and Lena. You looked happy Kara, so incredibly happy. I guess I just wanted to see that smile again.” He spoke, smiling at Kara softly.

There before her was a candid picture of her and Lena. She was on Lena’s back while hugging the girl simultaneously, a smile as big as the sun was on her face. Mike was right, she did look happy, and so did Lena. Kara traced the outline of the image with her fingertips, trying to push back the tears which threatened to build in her eyes. “Mike this is...” Kara trailed.

“You don’t have to say anything, Kara, just take it.” Mike assured, standing up and brushing his jeans off. He went to leave but turned at the last minute, “The world really is a different place when Kara Danvers is sad, it’s noticeable”. Mike smiled sadly before disappearing into the dark of the night.

Kara studied the photo intently, tracing every line, every curve with her eyes, particularly the curve of Lena’s lips. Then she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She pulled it out to see a text message for Lena. She quickly responded then held the photo frame up against her heart, a hopeful smile on her face.

  
**11:49pm Lena:**

_Happy Birthday, Kara._

**11:52pm Kara:**

_Thankyou, Lena._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost at the climax of this story! This are building up! Leave a comment or Kudos, I enjoy reading feedback/criticism. It only makes this fiction better for you guys.  
> Check me out on Twitter @AiLaikHeda__ , until next time ~ X0 ALH


	11. Speeding Cars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're singing  
> Heya heya heya heya  
> Heya, heya heya  
> This is the safest way to go nobody gets hurt
> 
> We're singing  
> Heya heya heya heya  
> Heya, heya heya  
> You go back to him and then I'll go back to her

_“Please Lena... I...” Lena watched with curious eyes, part of her wanting those three words to fall out of Kara’s mouth, as if it would be enough to convince her to stay if they did. But it never happened._

_“I’m sorry Kara...”_

**Two Weeks Ago**

Returning back to school after any festive break was always the hardest thing in the world, especially after thanksgiving. Students would go camping for the week, go interstate to see families, some students even went overseas, which never really made sense Kara, but they did it anyway. Only to end up back at school for a few weeks before Christmas break.

If Kara had it her way, along with the rest of the student body, she would opt to start the school year a few weeks earlier, just so the Thanksgiving break would be continuous throughout the Christmas holiday. Nevertheless, that wasn’t the case. The school semester was to resume for another few weeks before Christmas.

But this may have been the only year Kara was thankful that school resumed again for a short period for one specific reason, _Lena_. She hadn’t heard anything from Lena since the girl wished her a happy birthday, she hadn’t even seen Lena at all since school returned, but she hadn’t exactly been trying either.

However much she wanted to see Lena, or talk to her, there was an equal part of her that disagreed. It was as though she was mentally torn in a ‘fight or flight’ state. She wanted to see Lena, needed to. But she also wasn’t prepared for the outcome she would receive in doing so.

Kara was set, she had been for weeks on what she wanted to say. But with the immediate history of her _not_ friendship with Lena, she wasn’t so sure Lena would have the response that she was hoping for, the response that she wanted.

Kara couldn’t explain it, even if she tried. She couldn’t explain most things revolving around Lena anymore, the pair had drifted so far away from each other it was as if they didn’t even know each other from a bar of soap anymore.

Even if the two did miraculously reconnect, it felt like there was years of history they’d have to catch up on, and Kara wanted nothing more than to have Lena again in any form of capacity, but life wasn’t so kind as to grant her what she wanted.

Amidst her desire for Lena, she was also filled with hatred, hatred in knowing that Lena’s attention was captured by someone else. That Lena had someone else and that she had moved on past the heartbreak to better things. That just made even talking to Lena even more daunting.

Kara didn’t know how serious Sam or Lena even were. She had seen them share a kiss, but that was about it. How much she wanted to be Sam in that moment was the strongest feeling she had ever felt, knowing that she had royally messed up and might not get a chance with Lena again.

And she knew for a fact that Lena was nothing less than loyal. Despite anything Lena may or may not still feel for Kara, if she was officially with Sam, then Kara knew her only chance was gone. And it was the most deflating, defeating feeling in the history of feelings. It was enough to make Kara feel numb to the heart.

There was an absolute hurricane of hatred and painful emotions raging an epic war in her heart. The things she wanted Lena to know, which she had finally built the courage to admit aloud. Heck, she had even broken up with Mike for Lena. While his cheating did play a role in Kara’s lack of intimate affection for him in the end, ultimately it was the fact that her realisation was that she felt more for Lena than she ever could have imagined.

She felt more for Lena than she could previously comprehend, than she could previously admit. But the worst part about it was, you just don’t notice how important something is until it’s no longer yours.

There were so many things she just wanted to say, to finally take the load off her shoulders, and so many things she wanted to hear from Lena in return. Things that Lena unfortunately probably never had a second thought about anymore, not since Sam.

She wanted Lena. In her conscious mind she wanted Lena in every conceivable way. She knew that admitting her feelings to Lena would open her up to further heartbreak, and Kara didn’t know if her fragile heart could survive the loss again if Lena didn’t feel the same. Kara was sure it would kill her, but she was sure it was worth the risk. For once in her life she was absolutely positive that it was worth the risk, because Lena _was_ worth it, Lena _is_ worth it.

How could she have been so blind not to notice it before. She had the most incredible, loyal, beautiful girl throwing herself at her feet, and Kara had left her. She only prayed that it wasn’t too late to fix her mistakes.

Because there was something else possessing her during her emotional war. A feeling that made wanting to find Lena that much more of a concern, a feeling deep within her gut that Kara couldn’t comprehend. She never really believed in all that psychic, and ‘sixth sense’ mambo jumbo, but she couldn’t help ignore this horrible feeling of abandonment that revolved around Lena.

It was like a switch was flipped inside her body, and everytime she thought of the girl, the happiness drained from her body, and was replaced with an impending sense of lifeless emptiness. It was like a never ending thunderstorm that engulfed her every thought, and Kara couldn’t handle it.

She needed to see Lena, to hear her sweet voice as a reassurance for her constant worry. Lena was her only coping mechanism, and everytime she had a chance to be with her, an obstacle would prevent her, whether it was an impromptu fire drill, or James asking for an extra hand on the school paper.

Blockages after blockages, and Kara was about ready to combust. She had been denied the knowledge of Lena’s well being for so long that she needn’t worry about rejection when she was so sure this was the end of the line for her right now.

No matter how many times she over analysed the situation in her head, she continually ended up at the same conclusion, she _needed_ Lena. It was just that simple, there was no denying it anymore, and after an unsuccessful weak, Kara was left in stitches.

She found herself in the library one afternoon on what was meant to be a glee rehearsal, but Mr Schuester was meeting his wife for an ultrasound of his first born. Kara was flipping through some World history books when she came across a page filled with the blackened, infested corpses from the bubonic plague.

She chuckled to herself, that’s pretty much an apt description of how she felt, plagued, empty, deathly. Who knows, maybe Kara was hitting her sophomore goth phase much like Alex did. She shivered at the thought, absolutely nothing could compare to Alex‘s goth phase.

Kara was so caught up in her own, little world that she hadn’t even registered the footsteps closing in on her until a large body slumped down beside her. Kara looked up to meet a pair of warm, blueish eyes.

“Stare any harder and you might burn holes through that book” Mike stated matter of factly.

Kara began to laugh a much needed laugh. Mike always had a way of diffusing any kind of tension with his quick witted humour. “Who knows, you might even set the entire library alight, not that I’d mind”. Kara laughed even harder, she laughed like she hadn’t laughed in years, clutching her stomach with her head rolled back. She was then met with a playful nudge.

“Seriously though... _how are you?_ ” Mike cautioned, looking at Kara like she was a fine piece of China.

It hit Kara like a shotgun to the chest, this was the anniversary of her parents funeral. Her composure dropped immediately and she slumped backwards into the book stands. How could she be so _stupid?_ So _selfish?_ Here she was, wallowing in her own problems, internally complaining about how her own life was miserable, that she had completely forgotten the lives of those who were the most important to her.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Come here” Mike cooed as he immediately wrapped a warm arm around Kara’s trembling frame.

“Not it’s not” Kara sobbed into Mike’s shoulder, “I forgot about them”.

Mike pulled away from Kara and grasped her face in his hands. “Look at me, you _didn’t_ forget them. They will _always_ be with you no matter what, Kara. Whether you think about them or not, they will _always_ be a part of you. You couldn’t possibly forget them, even if you tried”.

Mike began rubbing along Kara’s arms in reassurance, letting the brunette’s tears slowly stain his shirt. When Kara realised, she jerked away. “Oh shit, I’m sorry, I—“

“It’s fine, Kara” Mike said sincerely.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Kara whispered after a few moments. She enjoyed Mike’s company and the warm presence which followed him around everywhere. 

Mike cocked his head, releasing his grip on Kara slightly. “What do you mean?”.

“Isn’t it normal for exes to hate each other?” Kara questioned, looking adorably puzzled.

Mike chuckled and brushed some stray hairs from Kara’s face. “Kara, I could never hate you. I guess... some feelings just don’t go away, even if people aren’t together”.

Kara nodded and dropped her gaze to her lap. “I’m sorry... for everything.” She whispered.

Mike leaned in and lifted Kara’s head with his thumb and index finger. “Don’t be sorry. I’m the idiot who messed up in the first place. I’m always here though, Kara. When you need someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on... anything at all, I’m right here.”

Kara scoffed amusedly, playfully swatting Mike’s arm. “Oh, look who’s getting soft now!”.

A confident smirk pulled at the corner of Mike’s lips, and his eyes twinkled mischieviously. “Or if you just want to fuck... I mean I’m down for that too”.

Kara pulled away from Mike in an instant, her jaw agape in horror. “ _Mike!_ ” She squealed, as loud as she could in a library, “You just ruined a perfectly good moment!”

“But seriously, I’m always a phone call away, okay?” Mike said seriously.

Kara smiled. “Okay”.

* * *

It’s funny isn’t it? How such a simple thing like a letter could cause such a massive reaction. She had been waiting for this letter all week, she had been sleepless all week, she hadn’t been eating all week. She had barely managed to make it through her school work and her extra curricular activities, but there she was, staring down at the large, stamped envelope addressed to her.

She couldn’t miss this letter for the world. The large stamp was the crest of Mount Highmore Academy, even her name and address on the envelope looked like a calligrapher had wrotten it. The letter itself screamed prestigious.

She lost track of how long she had been staring at the unopened letter, probably hours by now. She couldn’t bring herself to open the letter though. Before this, it had all just been one big crazy idea, one big crazy thing she spoke about continuously to her family and to Sam, but ever since she submitted her application at the end of thanksgiving break, she never imagined receiving a response back.

That just made the entire thing real, real and terrifying. Terrifying for the fact that one word on that paper could mean that Lena’s life was about to change forever, her school, her friends, her family. Everything about her life would be impacted upon in some way or another, negative or positive, and it was all entirely real.

But for the most part, she felt guilt. Guilt for once feeling like this was her only option, guilt for lying to herself about why she had been interested in the first place. At first she took interest in boarding school because of Kara. She had to think of something, anything she could do to make Kara feel the pain that she felt, but now, it was more than that.

It had nothing to do with Kara anymore, and nothing to do with Sam either. This was about Lena, and the things she wanted to do, the things she wanted to achieve that she couldn’t otherwise being stuck in Lima. What was once her idea of running away wasn’t anymore, it was more of a moving on to a more fulfilling pathway. At least, that’s what she had convinced herself.

If she had known better before hand, she wouldn’t have ended it like this. If her decision wasn’t one conjured up in spite, she would have chosen better than lashing out like a child would. She would have been the bigger person in the situation.

She wouldn’t have ended what was the most important relationship in her life and thrown it into the gutter. She would have fought for Kara until the brunette was hers, Mike be damned. But across the country, that was an impossible feat, and she knew she would never have that opportunity ever again if she left Kara high and dry without so much as an explanation.

She owed Kara that much, _didn’t she?_ Either way, it wouldn’t make a difference, Kara would hate her for it, and that was something that Lena would just have to live with.

So she felt guilt, guilt for knowing that the letter she held in her hand could be the end of the life she had. There would be no going back, and there would be no more Kara.

For years her parents taught her to think with her head and not her heart. And for years Lena had done that successfully, she had been logical and smart. But Kara was the only exception to the rule. Around Kara, logical just didn’t seem to exist. Nothing about Kara, or the way she felt about Kara was logical. It couldn’t be explained in theory, it was something one in a billion that could only ever be understood by someone who felt it.

Lena could never be so evil as to think with anything less than her heart when it came to Kara, but that just meant that her decisions were more irrational and dramatic, especially when her feelings for Kara were of betrayal and spite, instead of adoration and love.

Even in her darkest hour though, part of Lena still yearned for Kara. And she could never be entirely selfish when it came to the brunette. She would never openly admit this, but she was waiting for Kara. She had left the letter unopened on her drawer on Thursday night, hoping that no matter the content, Kara might convince her to stay.

 _Somehow, anyhow._ Lena knew exactly what she wanted from Kara, she just didn’t know if Kara could admit it to her, much less feel the way Lena wanted her to feel. Lena _needed_ to be _needed_ by Kara, and Lena would be there for Kara. Lena would stay with Kara, only if she could admit the things Lena knew she was so desperately trying to hide. Lena had already put her heart out on the line once before, and she needed to know for sure that whatever she felt was reciprocated, otherwise it was just a waste.

She needed to know that Kara was willing to risk it, that Kara was willing to be vulnerable to her in the way that she was for Kara months ago. She _needed_ that.

She had spent too long walking along the tightrope that was her relationship with Kara. She wanted to be Kara’s first option, her _only_ option, but only if Kara wanted her to be too. She would give the world to Kara, if only Kara could give Lena her heart.

Lena found herself by the library at the end of the week, the only thing on her mind was Kara. It was almost a week before Christmas break, which meant it was almost the last week of semester one. The letter still sat on upopen on her drawer with what could be the start of a new life.

Lena wasn’t an impatient person, but she had given Kara a deadline. She had reached the end of her tightrope, and she needed to hear those words from Kara soon. So she thought maybe making herself visible to Kara would prompt the girl. Not to mention she was fully aware of what day it was, and after striking out in the music room, gym, football field, and classrooms, Lena was left with the last option of the library, hoping that Kara was at least alright on this tragic anniversary.

She peered through the glass window when in an instant, her world stopped moving. Frozen in time she saw the way Mike held Kara’s face, the way Kara looked at him with those sad, _sad_ comets. What was murky and distorted suddenly became crystal clear in the blink of an eye.

Kara didn’t need Lena, she _never_ needed Lena, not with people like Mike in her life. Kara had shown her time and time again that she was just fine on her own, and until now, Lena had failed believe that. Lena had hoped that Kara truly did feel something for her, but she was disappointed yet again. It was time to wake up out of her fantasies.

Life was not a Disney movie with a happy ending, the world was a cold and heartless bitch who took pleasure in breaking the hearts of its inhabitants. Now, she would stop wishing for a miracle, she would stop wishing for the impossible to happen and she would do what needed to be done, what she should have done the second she received that envelope.

* * *

It was coming up to the last day before Christmas break, and it was the last glee club meeting until semester two resumed. Kara’s days consisted mainly of waking up, going to school, coming home to do homework, playing with her pups, then heading off to bed.

If she thought finding Lena was hard beforehand, it was even harder now. She began to question whether Lena was even present at school at all. The horrible feeling that kept eating away at her had only increased as the end of the week approached.

She walked through the hallways on her way to the last Glee rehearsal of the semester when she began muttering to herself, “Please, give a sign”.

It was as if the heavens above opened, and she saw Lena for the first time in all her glory as she strode into the music room. She silently made her way into the classroom and sat on one the chairs. Lena was facing Mr. Schue, moving her hand animatedly while Schue nodded his head with a slight frown pulling to his face. Lena hadn’t noticed her at all.

Lena was out of the classroom before Kara could even notice, and she was met with Mr. Schue standing front and centre like he usually did before giving a speech.

“Okay quiet down, New Directions. I’ve got some bad news—“

Kara was out of her seat and out of the room in a flash. Her heart was beating out of her chest, her hands were clammy, her vision was tunnelling and her throat was constricting. This _couldn’t_ be happening, this _can’t_ be happening.

She knew, she didn’t even need to hear Schue, or Lena for that matter, she just _knew_. And she felt her world crumble with each second that passed by, because she _knew_.

“What the hell?” Kara called, as she finally caught up to the retreating figure down the hallway.

Lena halted in her steps, sighing aloud before turning to face the furious brunette. “I’m sorry Kara... I’m leaving” was all Lena could say.

“Why?” Kara asked, her voice barely making it out past the back of her throat.

“I applied for winter admissions... and I was accepted....” Lena exhaled, trying to keep her own self composed while Kara noticeably broke down.

“Y-you can’t l-leave Lena...” Kara chocked out, “What about the rest of the year?”.

Lena eyed Kara up and down. Why would Kara be so choked up about this. It’s not like she cared, _did she?_ “Highmore have a program where I can finish my sophomore year with them... I’m sorry, Kara. But this is what I’ve decided”.

“Please... Lena...” Kara sobbed out, her face contorting in pain. “I-I know I haven’t been fair to you, I know th-that, and I know it’s been tough, it’s been tough on me too, b-but, I can change. Pl-please... I can’t lose you... not like this.” Kara shook her head begging, her blue eyes beginning to overflow with tears.

Lena looked away from Kara, trying to hold back the tears herself. What was harder than having to tell Kara goodbye, was having Kara not wanting her leave, but Lena sucked it up. She had chosen this, and a Luthor didn’t back down. No matter how pleading Kara’s blue comets were, she had to remain strong, for the both of them, even if that meant hurting Kara in the process.

Lena began speaking, stepping closer to Kara’s broken frame, “Kara... you lost me the minute you chose Mike. You lost me the minute you decided your relationship with him was more important than your friendship with me. And I forgave you, I did. But I didn’t forgive you for _you_ , I forgave you for _me_. Because I couldn’t carry on in pain anymore. I had to move on, so I forgave you, but it _doesn’t_ mean I’ve forgotten. Besides, this isn’t about you, this is about me and my education” Lena lied unconvincingly.

Lena knew her words we’re harsh, she could see it in the way that Kara’s tears came streaming down her face like the beauty of Niagara Falls, except Kara didn’t look quite so beautiful anymore. This was definitely the first time Lena had ever seen Kara ‘ugly cry’, and this was definitely harder than Lena ever imagined.

“Please, Lena... I...” Kara stuttered, her beautiful face all scrunched up in the midst of her breakdown. She wanted to say those three words, they were begging to be released from her tongue, but something held Kara back.

It wasn’t because this was the hardest thing she had ever done, it was because she didn’t want Lena to stay because she had asked, or because she ‘said the magic words’. It shouldn’t be an incentive to, if Lena wanted to stay, then she would. But she doesn’t, so Kara bit her tongue as she tried to bite back the tears.

Lena watched with curious eyes, part of her wanting those three words to fall out of Kara’s mouth, as if it would be enough to convince her to stay if they did. She begged for those words to fall out of Kara’s mouth, because she knew it would change everything. She had been waiting for those three words for as long as she could remember, and underneath all the pain she felt, there was a never ceasing glimmer of hope for Kara, despite what she told herself. But it never happened, she was met with silence.

“I’m sorry, Kara...” Lena whispered, stepping away.

“How can you be so _selfish_ , Lena?!” Kara snapped, causing Lena to step back even further. It was not a reaction Lena wasn’t expecting, but more a reaction she was hoping didn’t happen. The thought of leaving Kara while the girl hated her was unbearable. “Just up and and leaving like this? You won’t say it but I can see it in your eyes, you’re leaving because of me”.

Lena shivered, because she knew it was true. She couldn’t deny it anymore. No matter how my times she convinced herself it was because of her education and her life, a part of it would _always_ be because of Kara, it _was_ because of Kara. “This is _not_ about _you_ , Kara! This is about _my_ life, _my_ education.” Lena lied.

“Bullshit Lena. You and I both know this whole idea of boarding school originated from with in the spite you’ve built up for me. You’re just too much of a coward to speak up about it.” Kara seethed.

The words hurt Lena more than she imagined, and she slowly retreated. “If that’s what you believe”.

Lena turned away and continued back down the hall, her eyes brimming with tears at the thought of this being the last time she saw Kara in God knows how long, broken, battered, and defeated. It was an image that would be permanently engraved into her mind.

“I hope she’s worth it...” Kara called, barely loud enough for Lena to hear.

As Lena turned back for final time, hoping to get one last, final look at the woman who claimed her heart and ripped it from her chest, she was met with an empty hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this update is lacking in quality. I had quite a few inspirational issues on how I could express the plot points. Usually I’m great with ideas but I just couldn’t think of anything this update! 
> 
> Apologies for the late update aswell! Easter was hectic and I had my birthday aswell! Also, apologies if this is not what people had wanted/expected. I know some of you may not be happy, but the majority of people who gave me feedback wanted a time jump and therefore an extended fiction. Supercorp is endgame no matter what, I’d love to hear what you guys think will happen or what you want to happen now! Keep with me on this! 
> 
> I’m looking for ideas as well. The more ideas, the faster I can update and progress this story! (It’s hard to have continuous ideas when you’re a solo writer).
> 
> P.S. I don’t know how accurate I portrayed American holidays, I am Australian if you didn’t know. So let’s assume that even if I’m wrong, it’s still right, yes? :)


	12. Don’t Speak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and me  
> We used to be together  
> Everyday together always  
> I really feel  
> That I'm losing my best friend  
> I can't believe  
> This could be the end  
> It looks as though you're letting go  
> And if it's real  
> Well I don't want to know
> 
> Don't speak  
> I know just what you're saying  
> So please stop explaining  
> Don't tell me 'cause it hurts  
> Don't speak  
> I know what you're thinking  
> I don't need your reasons  
> Don't tell me 'cause it hurts

She woke up thinking it was all a dream, praying it was all a dream. Maybe Lena had changed her mind, maybe Lena was just saying things and didn’t really know what she wanted. Kara was sure of it, that was until she returned for the first glee club meeting on the Monday following Christmas holiday, and realised Lena’s name was no longer on the class list.

Maybe she should text Lena. A little text couldn’t hurt, but they hadn’t spoken all Christmas and New Years. Kara doubted Lena would even reply in the first place, she had no reason to reply. She didn’t owe Kara anything anymore.

Lena was just messing with her, surely. It wasn’t uncharacteristic of Lena to play practical jokes. Usually when she did, she went all out, and _everyone_ fell for them. She had even manage to convince the school she moved continents, while phoning them from within the very school grounds. It was a hell of a joke and afterwards, Lena phoned the school pretending to be Eliza Danvers, resulting in Kara and her escaping the rest of their schedule classes that day in exchange for a mall trip. Despite them being roasted and grounded by both their parents that night, it was certainly worth it.

Lena was convincing to say the least, and there were very few things she couldn’t accomplish. Kara was not going to be just another figure in the category of ‘ _everyone_ ’ who fell for one of Lena Luthor’s jokes. This must’ve just been another one of her very dedicated jokes, because if Kara looked up the year group registry, she was positive she’d find Lena’s name convincingly present between Lucy Lane and Mike Matthews.

But when she looked up the registry, her heart caught in her chest. It wasn’t a dream, or some practical joke. Lena had really left, she had genuinely left, and Kara didn’t know how she was meant to react. She wanted to laugh from the obscurity of it all, she wanted to cry from the pain of it all, she wanted to scream from the truth of it all.

Instead she opted for silence. Complete, lifeless silence.

* * *

 The first few weeks were tough, knowing Lena was indeed across the country and had left her life behind. But Kara didn’t succumb to her inner demons, instead she did the only thing she knew could mellow some of her pain, unfriend Lena off her Facebook. If Lena could walk away so easily and leave everyone behind, so could Kara.

Kara was done playing the bad guy, the person who constantly needed to apologise. She was done with allowing Lena to still hurt her like this, even though the raven haired beauty was across the country. Kara was done being stuck between this war of hearts and trying to win Lena over Sam. She was just _done_.

When people asked her about it, she told them there was no point in being Facebook friends with someone she no longer associated with, with someone she no longer knows. It was a convincingly lie because Kara only hand a handful of Facebook friends to see her random posts each day. She never understood how people could have hundreds of friends, they weren’t really friends, most of the time people never even knew who they were friends with. It was all about status, or ‘how many likes can my profile picture get’. But Kara wasn’t a sheep, she was a shepherd.

What her sour heart didn’t tell them, however, was that she couldn’t stand the heart ache or the betrayal she felt everytime she saw a photo of Lena, every time she even saw the girls name, knowing that she was over _there_ while Kara was stuck _here_ , while Lena had _her_ , and Kara had _no one._

Walking the William McKinley halls with the knowledge that Lena had gone left an unsavoury feeling in Kara’s stomach. Every time she passed where Lena’s locker used to be, she internally cringed and had to fight on the onslaught of tears just brimming at the surface. Every time she looked around the glee room, it just felt so lifeless and gloomy without the presence of the raven haired girl. Every time after Kara finished PE, she expected to smell the overpowering, yet sweet scent of Lena’s perfume in the changing rooms, instead there was nothing.

Slowly, the weeks bled into months, the months ended up in sophomore graduation, and slowly, the void in Kara’s heart began to fill. She allowed herself to be distracted at first by Mike, by her friends, she worked so hard to have that distraction all the time. But as time went on, it was became easier to just be herself again, she didn’t need to try so hard.

At the end of the school year, there was a Sadie Hawkins Dance after the graduation ceremony. Kara had asked Winn, which the dorky boy was overly thrilled with. Mike had ended up going with Eve after the sprightly girl practically jumped him outside the men’s bathroom. A few times, Mike had feigned distress and mouthed to Kara to “save him from the clutches of Eve’s infatuation”.

But Kara just laughed at the seemingly violated looking boy. And when the night ended, Winn took her home, and with a kiss on Kara’s cheek, he left. Leaving Kara smiling like she hadn’t smiled in months.

Slowly, Kara began to learn how to live her life without the presence of Lena. Every now and again her mind would wonder back to the green eyed beauty, but those thoughts would be quickly replaced. She had no room in her heart left for the pain she felt when she remembered Lena, and remembered what she had done.

* * *

**A Year & A Half Later**

_Should she tell her? Or should she not tell her?_

It had been a year and a half since Lena’s departure, and it was almost the beginning of Kara’s senior year. Just because it had been a year and a half doesn’t mean it was radio silent the whole time.

If Lena knew that Kara unfriended her, she certainly didn’t say anything about it. But it was something else Lena did that was even more surprising, more like what she _wrote_. On the day of her seventeenth birthday during junior year, Eliza and Jeremiah handed Kara and addressed envelop in elegant writing that was unmistakably Lena’s.

When Kara had opened the envelop, she was met with a birthday card similar to the one she got the year before. It was a card with a husky, and a dachshund snuggled up together, and when she opened the card, she read;

_Dear Kara,_

_I know it has been a while since we last spoke, too long since we last spoke. I was unsure if you wanted to hear from me, but I decided to take the risk. I’m not going to try and explain myself to you, or give you an apology because I know that it won’t turn back time, I know it won’t make you forgive me. I don’t want forgiveness, just understanding._

_I miss you Kara, every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day. I will always miss you, but I needed to be selfish for my future, for me. I just didn’t think about the fact that in doing so, I would end up having a future without you. I never wanted a future without you, and it took me too long to realise that._

_I hope this letter finds you in time. Happy Birthday, Kara. You truly deserve the world. I hope you like the card I got you, your pups are still undeniably the most adorable fur balls I’ve ever seen. I wish you well, and I hope to hear from you soon._

_With all my love,_   
_Lena_

After reading the letter, she didn’t really know how to respond. She kept it, of course, but she wasn’t expecting an outreach from Lena, certainly not of that calibre. She thought about responding, but she honestly got so caught up in her school work that eventually she just forgot.

The teachers certainly dumped the load onto junior students in their first semester, not to mention that Lena’s entrance back into her life had sent her spiralling back into a whirlwind of emotions that Kara had successfully managed to bury, only for them to resurface in less than a second.

But by now, Kara figured it was too late to respond, almost a year later, and it saddened her. Lena had gone to the effort to reach out to Kara, and what if she did it again? It’s not like Kara would even get the letter if she did, the Danvers were moving.

Jeremiah had gotten an offer to teach aerodynamic engineering at Midvale U. Kara and Eliza, being the supportive family they are, decided to begin packing immediately. Alex had moved out after graduation, and her and Maggie lived in National City where Maggie was working for the NCPD. Alex however had begun bioengineering, following in Eliza’s footsteps, and she had been sponsored by an agency to continue her work.

She didn’t talk much about it, she couldn’t talk much about it. Jeremiah and Maggie had a long running guessing game about what it could be, however, they had concluded that either Alex worked for a secret government agency, or Alex was secretly running a drug cartel. Never the less, it meant that moving to Midvale was simply much easier without as many familial ties.

Of course it wasn’t entirely easy on Kara’s part, having to say goodbye to all her friends. But she wasn’t abandoning them, they understood and they supported the Danvers in their move, even coming together to help pack. But with Lena, Kara couldn’t help but think she was irreversibly abandoning her.

Sure Lena had been the one to leave at first, but where Kara was sour, Lena had reached out. And if she did again in a few months when it was Kara’s eighteenth, she would be sadly disappointed. There would be no way Lena could ever talk to Kara again unless it was directly through text or through a social platform, but she hadn’t so far, so Kara figured it wouldn’t happen at all.

Lena was old fashioned like that. Kara always thought she was an eighty year old grandma in a teenagers body. If Lena had something important to say, it wasn’t delivered by the use of technology. It was either in person, or over the effort of a letter. She had always said that letters meant _effort_ , and effort meant _worth_. Otherwise, it was just _worthless_.

That was just one of the many things Kara had to deal with on her adventures to Midvale. She had heard things, and seen photos of their new house, it was quite beautiful and resembled a cottage almost. Not to mention it was right in a suburb at the edge off a cliff which directly overlooked the beach and ocean. Jeremiah had certainly outdone himself with the move. Kara figured it to be motivation to move in the first place.

But as their car pulled up outside their new home, the only thing Kara could think about was the salty smell of the ocean and the fresh, sweet, costal breeze which filled her senses with delight.

 

* * *

**Two & A Half Years Later**

She didn’t really know who was more surprised, her adoptive parents, her friends, Alex or Maggie. It was the last thing that anyone really expected Kara to do, considering her choice of subjects in her junior and senior years.

Kara had filled her schedule to the absolute brim, and was often teased by her new group of friends, Lyra, Indigo, Darren and Corben, that she was still at school during the same time as all the freshman, whereas most senior students left around lunch time.

But Kara persisted, she powered through her AP classes consisting of; chemistry, literature, calculus, history, music theory/performing arts and foreign languages. At the time, Kara hadn’t exactly been certain on what she wanted to do when she graduated, but she was sure glad she had chosen to do a range of classes which gave her a range of options to choose from. Not to mention she absolutely demolished her SAT exam, and received college application offers early.

So saying her parents and friends were surprised when Kara chose a Bachelor of Journalism at National City University was an understatement. Originally her adoptive parents might of thought Kara to go into the medical or engineering field, she certainly had the brain for it. But when Kara interned at the local Midvale Newspaper agency in her senior year, she just knew that she wanted to one day be the person to feature a written piece in the newspaper.

It was her calling, and through it, she knew she could help people. Often people associated scientists, doctors, police officers or firefighters as hero’s, but journalists could be too. If there was any prime example of that, it would have to be notorious media mogul _Cat Grant._

Kara had heard things, myths, legends about the woman. It seemed almost untrue the amount of things one person could achieve in their lifetime, but Cat Grant had done it all. CatCo was certainly at the top of her list on places to work at when she graduated, but that was years away. Instead, Kara landed a job at a cafe in National City, Noonan’s, which was directly over looked by CatCo.

It wasn’t the best pay, but Kara enjoyed the atmosphere and the people she worked with. Besides, any job while being a full time university student is not something to complain about.

Alex and Maggie were more so surprised upon hearing Kara’s selection, because it meant seeing Kara more often, _a lot_ more often considering Kara was currently bunking in the spaceous flat the couple shared, being a poor university student with a casual job and all.

She had debated living on campus simply because she knew Alex and Maggie were quite adventurous individuals, but Maggie insisted the pair would keep it G while Kara was around, but she made no promises if Kara accidentally walked in on them, that was just tough luck.

Bunking with her sister and Maggie wasn’t as awkward as she first thought either. It was like bunking with her friends, friends who were just sometimes severely inappropriate and irresponsible at times. Even though Kara was the youngest, she was positive she was the mum of the group, looking after two love struck teenagers.

Kara had ended up spending most of her break after graduation living with Maggie and Alex to help get into a routine before university started. And despite Kara being the more mature of them, she did have her moments of being a kid, such as when her and Maggie visibly gave Alex a heart attack one afternoon.

It had been an ongoing joke between the two girls that as they looked back at old photos of Alex and her goth phase, they thought about how funny it would be to re-image themselves into a lifelike version of a sophomore Alex Danvers for a Halloween costume. Alex was of course livid when she found her girlfriend and sister going through old and private photos, but not before Maggie had actually dared Kara to do it.

Kara narrowly escaped the dare by suggesting she would re-image herself in a less gothic and scary way. It ended with an impromptu trip to the hairdresser where Maggie told the hair dresser to give Kara bright blonde hair. Positive it would be something to laugh at, while not totally embarrassing Kara come University, both girls were surprised when it turned out looking incredibly well.

Kara had adopted the new do almost immediately, and took it upon herself to pretend to be an intruder in the apartment. Alex almost got a shot off from her pistol until Maggie rounded the corner with a camera and a pale complexion, leaving what would become the funniest reaction video in the Danvers’ history. Alex had forgiven the pair after a few days, and admitted that while the new hair suited Kara, it would take some getting used to.

But it was nothing compared to the shock when Kara turned up at their apartment for the first time at the beginning of her summer holidays, and was met with Alex who had chopped off all her long locks into a short and sharp shoulder length style.

Alex and Maggie had been dating for four and half years, and still it seemed as though the pair were stuck in their ‘honey moon phase’. It was adorable, but exhausting to watch, and Kara couldn’t help but be envious of their love. She couldn’t help but let her thoughts wonder back to Lena, and what could’ve happened between them if things had worked out.

 _Would they have become a couple? Would they have stayed friends instead? Would they have been glorious together, or would it have inevitably all turned to complete shit?_ That’s something Kara would never know. Ever since that first card Kara received on her seventeenth birthday, that was the only thing she had heard from Lena in the past few years.

She figured Lena either gave up, or she just didn’t care. Either of which didn’t effect Kara anymore, she doubted if she’d even recognise Lena at all anymore. She might have even passed the girl in public multiple times without even knowing it. Lena and Kara were both in completely different worlds now, and maybe that was the way it was meant to be. Maybe it was best for the both of them.

So there she was, a few weeks into her first year of the degree, just having memorised where all her course classes were so she didn’t look like the awkward freshman with the campus map. The noticeable difference between university and high school was that everyone was genuinely more mature. There were no rowdy teenagers, or girls giving other girls horrid looks. Everyone was equally kind and respective, some more than other it seemed. Kara had been ogled by both guys and girls since starting, and Maggie had suggested it was because of Kara’s glasses. The glasses were apparently “sexy, nerdy, and gave off a ‘punish me like a school teacher’ vibe”.

Alex was immediately horrified by such remarks made about her sister, and the Danvers’ girls promptly locked Maggie out of the apartment for the afternoon.

Kara was in the campus cafe during an hours break between classes one day, ordering her favourite mocha expresso when an attractive looking man with floppy hair, a dazzling smile and an _irresistible_ British accent approached her.

“Oh hi, excuse me?” The man spoke, his accent sending shivers through Kara’s body. If there was one thing Kara absolutely _loved_ , it was the posh British accent.

“Uh... y-yeah?” Kara stuttered, suddenly feelings nervous as her blue orbs widening and a reddish colour tinted her cheeks.

The man smiled and Kara swore she saw a twinkle in his big, brown, puppy eyes. “I was just wondering if you know where room G.300.26 is? I seem to have become quite lost and ended up in the cafe instead”.

Kara chuckled and directed the British man to the building his class was in. In his defence, the university was monstrous.

“Thankyou, I owe you one. I’m Peter by the way, but my friends call me Miczy” The man spoke, stretching his hand out to Kara.

Kara readily accepted with a confused look. “ _Miczy?_ ”

The man chuckled, giving Kara a wift of his cologne that wasn’t too overpowering. “My full name is Mieczyslaw. It’s Polish, but Peter is my middle name, so I go by that, or Miczy for short.”

“Well, _Miczy_ ” Kara smirked, “If you feel like oweing me one anytime soon, here’s my number”. Kara pulled out a pen and scrawled her number onto Miczy’s palm. Usually Kara wasn’t so brazen with hell her attitude and forwardness, she quickly applauded herself.

Miczy smiled before hurrying off to his class, leaving Kara with a wink and a silent promise.

It seemed moving to National City was what Kara had needed all along. With her successful application at Noonan’s, and at university, having her first date in a long time, and then her acceptance into the National City Flashmob Association, which Kara would have to collect her betting money from Alex.

It was the first thing Kara had looked into when arriving at National City. Ever since she saw the flashmob number in the movie  _Friends With Benefits_ , Kara had been dying to participate in one herself. It was only expected that when she found out National City had an association for one, she would apply.

Her first flash mob was incredible, and was featured on the associations Facebook page. Kara had a major role in the performance, being one of the few people who could sing rather well. The National City Flashmob Association was notorious for combining dance, musical theatre and solo singing in their performances, it only gave them much more recognition and donations to give to charity.

When Kara watched the performance on the Facebook page and saw herself singing to Ellie Goulding’s ‘ _Anything Could Happen_ ’ while dozens of people danced around her, it felt like every euphoric moments in glee club combined.

* * *

**Three & A Half Years Later**

It was the year that nobody had been asking for, and a busy one at that. Christmas was almost upon them and Kara’s adoptive parents were set to come down on the weekend and spend Christmas at Alex and Maggie’s. It was also the first time Jeremiah and Eliza were going to meet Peter.

Kara and Peter ‘ _Miczy_ ’, had been dating almost five months now. The over enthusiastic Brit had called Kara the second his class finished and asked the girl out for drinks. Kara accepted almost immediately, and had taken off back to Alex’s flat to rummage through her closet for something to wear.

It was the first date she had been on since the Sadie Hawkins Dance in sophomore year, if you could even count that as a date. So Kara was a tad rusty, and wanted to make a good impression.

When she couldn’t find anything in her own closet, she decided to take a look in Maggie’s, knowing full well what kind of clothes Maggie liked to wear on a night out. So she wasn’t surprised when she found a series of provocative, revealing, but incredibly _sexy_ looking cocktail dresses. Kara settled on a sleek black dress which clung to her toned physique, her gym sessions beginning to make a noticeable difference in her otherwise slim body.

Kara was never one to be self conscious about her body, or the way she looked, she was always rather happy with her appearance. But over the course of her time in university, Kara had become friends with a few gym junkies who would go every morning. Kara had tagged along a few times, and after a while, she was going on her own whenever she could find the time.

She had even invested in a personal trainer to make sure she had the correct posture when lifting the light weights. The hard work was certainly making a difference in her appearance, she had even caught Maggie checking her out a few times, all in good nature though.

Kara probed and pulled the dress until it sat comfortably around her body, the neckline curved around her collarbones and the length stopped just above her knees. She borrowed some of Maggie’s laced black heels, straightened her hair and applied a generous amount of makeup with her glasses to top. Maggie had sent a text urging Kara to wear them as they gave her “the ultimate sex appeal”.

She didn’t really understand why Maggie had a think for glasses, she guessed it was just one of those kinky fantasies the adventurous girl had.

It was her first proper date since her relationship with Mike, and Kara had been sweating bullets. Peter took her to a fancy club where she received more than few wolf whistles, and a few pairs of eyes on her, checking her out in appreciation. Kara wasn’t one for nightclubs or bass pumping edm music, but Peter naturally brought out the charisma and energy in her. Which was surprising considering Kara was already a ball of energy.

The pair had gone out a few more times and had built up a tentative friendship until five months ago when Peter formally asked Kara out. In the whole time she’s known Peter, the man has been quick with his words, thinking and radiated a confidence Kara had never seen.

The man was so sure of himself that his confidence brushed off on Kara in more ways than she noticed. That was one of the main reasons she adored, and was attracted to him, that and he was good with his hands. As a magician, he had to be. A magician doing Architecture and Design, that was one for the history books.

He certainly dressed like an architect would. Maybe that’s why he was always so confident, his appearance already screamed confidence, maybe it was the boost his personality needed.

But Kara had never seen him so nervous when she told him that her adoptive parents were coming down for the weekend and wanted to meet him. She assured him they approved of everyone and anyone Kara dated, with a few exceptions, and that there was nothing to be nervous about. Peter had already met Kara’s friends from high school, so she assured him it was the same, loving atmosphere.

It was a few months into their relationship when Kara got an email invitation from Mike to his engagement party. _Mike Matthews_ , engaged to _Imra Ardeen_. Kara never would have thought that Mike would settle down, but she’s learned through hard experiences that people aren’t always who they seem.

Realistically, Mike would have been shooting for the stars on his football scholarship, instead, he forcefully and non-surgically reconstructed his knee in a sickening accident that left him with a permanent limp. His football career was shattered within weeks of college and he fell into a depressive state. Kara had done all she could for him at the time, but not even she could get through anymore.

Not until a young girl studying physiotherapist at the same university took a wheelchair bound Mike out on a date. Kara had heard many stories about Imra, and those stories simply could not do justice. Imra was perfect for Mike, and Kara was glad that he had been able to find someone to help him through the dark days.

She had been especially proud when Mike had sent her the invitation not too long ago. It hadn’t been a long relationship in comparison to most before a proposal, but Kara figured when it’s right, it’s _right_. She was was eternally happy for Mike. Her friends had ended up adoring Peter before the party was through, it did help he showed off some of his best tricks and slight of hands, but he was genuinely good with everyone he met.

Kara was more than excited that in a few days Peter would meet her adoptive parents, and he did eventually, just not in the way Kara had hoped.

On the Friday night, the day before her adoptive parents were set to fly into town, Kara’s cell phone began buzzing. Eliza’s name was flashing on the screen, Kara figured Eliza was just calling for a final check up or reminder about their visit, considering last time Alex and Kara had completely forgotten and the family had to get take away instead of the traditional home cooked meal.

What never even crossed her mind was that this was a call that would change her life forever. No more family christmases, no more father’s day, no more celebrating Jeremiah’s birthday, no more football marathon’s, no more _Jeremiah_.

Kara answered the phone in a sprightly manner for the late time it was, but her heart dropped into her stomach when she heard the tone and sniffle in Eliza’s voice. She had heard that tone before by the police officers who consoled her on the night of her parents death. It was a tone that Kara could never forget, a tone that she then hoped she’d never hear again.

Immediately Kara sprinted into Alex and Maggie’s room, waking up the couple before putting the phone on loudspeaker. Alex was annoyed for all of a second until she saw the look on Kara’s face. The silence was heavy in the room after Eliza delivered the dreadful news, and Maggie was caught off guard by both the sister’s reactions.

Their gazes had locked onto one another, all the colour draining from their faces as Maggie watched them trying to process the tragic information they were just given. Alex broke first, and her tears fell for hours, staining the bed sheets and Maggie’s top. Kara on the other hand was silent. Not a single tear fell, not because she didn’t hurt, not because she didn’t feel the pain of thousand knives in her heart, but because she had felt that pain one too many times.

First it was her biological mother’s estranged sister, Astra, who Kara had developed a strong relationship with when she was younger. Not many people knew of her relationship with Astra, only the Danvers’s knew. Then it was her biological parents, and Kara having to stand with the coroner, looking at her parents blackened bodies to confirm it was them. Then Lena had left her, and although she was still alive, the pain wasn’t any different. Now, it was Jeremiah.

It was a pain all too familiar, a pain no one should be used to feeling, and Kara couldn’t conjure the tears to fall anymore. Too many tears were shed for that pain that there were simply no more to give.

The texts, calls, and flowers came flooding in like rapid fire over the next few days. Even an article was published in Jeremiah’s name on all the help and service he’d given the university. His death was explained as a freak accident, something which couldn’t have been predicted or prevented, but Kara wondered why it mattered.

Jeremiah was gone, Jeremiah was dead, and it didn’t matter how it happened, he wasn’t coming back. It’s not like knowing how it happened made any difference to anyone, it’s not like knowing how it happened would ease the pain, or make it hurt any less. It’s not like knowing how it happened would bring him back.

Pain was pain, and loss was loss, and that’s most of what Kara had known in her life. _Pain_ and _loss_.

A funeral service was held in the New Year, all of Kara’s friends coming to pay their respects to her adoptive father, and offering their condolences to her family. Even her cousin Clark who she rarely saw made an appearance and comforted Kara, being one of the two blood related family members Kara had left. It was only Clark, and her uncle Non, Astra’s late husband who she hadn’t seen since Astra’s funeral before her parents own.

Out of every moment that Kara’s brain could’ve played memory lane, it had to of been this moment. As Kara looked around the service, she noticed the lack of a particular person, a person she hadn’t heard from or seen in years, but a person she so desperately needed for reasons she couldn’t explain.

But she wasn’t there, Lena wasn’t there, and she’d _never_ be there again.

* * *

**Four & A Half Years Later**

Another loss in Kara’s life, another day in Kara’s life. Everywhere she looked was tragedy after tragedy after tragedy. Wars, disease, death, it was filling every crevice in her life, and the pain was demanding to be felt. Just like her parents death, Jeremiah’s haunted her day in and day out for months after.

Almost six months had passed and Kara was still struggling, she hated to admit that she had a problem and needed help. For so long Kara had been strong in the face of grief, she had to be strong for Alex, and for Eliza. But eventually everyone has their breaking point.

While Kara had been able to maintain her grades in university, and maintain her job at Noonan’s, maintaining her relationships was another thing. She barely spoke to Alex or Maggie, and when she did, she snapped at them or told them to leave her alone. Peter was getting fed up with her mood aswell, but bless his heart he continued to stick by Kara, unlike so many people who had left her.

If there was one thing she could count on through all the pain, it was that Peter was there, and Peter was her rock. Their relationship had only strengthened since Jeremiah’s passing, and Kara had spent more of her time staying at Peter’s than she did Alex and Maggie’s.

She figured her sister needed time, much like she did, but what she didn’t know what that her sister needed _her_. Kara had ended up doing what Kara does best in a crisis, run, and block people out. She had been sending daily texts to Alex over the past week, making sure her sister knew she was at least alive, but definitely not well.

The two sisters had incredibly different coping mechanisms, and where Alex was the kind of person to talk about it all, Kara liked to bottle things up until she became catatonic. So, Maggie had been texting Peter every day aswell to make sure Kara wasn’t bottling too much up. It was all Alex could do, but anything she could do was enough, and it gave her peace in mind knowing that Kara was at least safe.

Kara was looking through the TV channels one night while Peter was making red wine lasagne. She was flicking aimlessly until something caught her attention. She flipped back a few channels and saw the name ‘Luthor’ branded across the television screen. She promptly turned up the volume, and as if to emphasise her point in death and disease, the news anchor spoke;

_“.... has stepped down from his role as CEO of L-Corp due to what’s now been released as a degenerative eye condition. The father of two, and CFO has released a statement that his son Alexander Luthor is set to take the reigns at L-Corp on his departure. There’s no word yet on how this will affect the company’s future...”_

Kara listened on as the news anchor began babbling about economics and financial matters, when suddenly the screen flicked to some footage of the Luthor family trying to avoid the press outside their Metropolis building. Kara’s blue eyes immediately found one Lena Luthor, her arm linked with her father’s as his other hand was occupied with a walking stick.

Lena kept her head down and her eyes averted from the camera until she turned to face the press as soon as she helped her father into their Limo. Kara took in her features, her long raven locks were pulled into a tight pony tail, her red lipstick accentuated her plump lips, and her contour defined her regal jawline deliciously. She had matured so much, and Kara was taken aback by how much Lena had grown up, and just how _beautiful_ she had become.

Lena was always naturally beautiful, but seeing her for the first time in years, even if it was only on television, caused Kara’s heart to flutter.

And when the woman opened her mouth, the sound was absolute music to Kara’s ears. She had waited _so_ long to hear that voice, _too_ long to tear that voice that she had almost forgot what it sounded like. Kara couldn’t help when a stray tear fell down her cheek.

_“Lena! Can you tell us about your Father?—_

_“Will Alexander remain as L-Corp’s new CEO?—_

_“What does this mean for L-Corp’s future in the business market?—_

_“Is your father dying?!—_

The last question made Kara muffle a gasp, and Peter looked over at her cautiously from the kitchen. Lena waited patiently for the questions to subside before she began, formal and poised as ever. Kara couldn’t deny that it was _incredibly_ attractive.

_“We’d like to ask that the media respects our privacy in this difficult time. As for L-Corp, it is a continuously expanding and thriving company, and it has been passed on into good hands. This family will see too it that the Luthor legacy will live on despite the current circumstances of our founder. No further comments will be given at this time, Thankyou.”_

Lena sunk back into the tinted Limo as gracefully as she let the words fall from her lips. Kara felt a sudden urge to ask Lena if she was okay, but she knew it was the wrong decision. Lena never wanted sympathy from anyone, which is what it would be if Kara spoke to her.

It’s not as though Kara hadn’t thought about talking to Lena over the years, but it’s the same as it was before. Both girls were off in different worlds, they had grown apart and lived different lives. It was probably too late for reconciliation anyway. And even if she was going through with contacting Lena, Kara knew she physically couldn’t.

Lena’s number had long been disconnected, which meant she probably had a new one, Kara had no idea where the woman lived, if it was even in the country, what she even did for a living or who her friends were. It certainly didn’t help that Kara had deactivated her Facebook account towards the end of senior year to focus on her exam study, she never did get around to reactivating it.

Any means of communication with Lena was simply non-existent. Besides, what would the daughter of a billionaire business tycoon, former CFO and philanthropist want to do with her? _Nothing_.

* * *

 

**Five & A Half Years Later**

Since bad news comes in three’s, Kara was just waiting for the third shoe to drop. It was her fourth and possibly final year of Journalism at NCU, and Kara was topping her year, sitting on a 6.89GPA. Which was surprising considering her mental state not too long ago.

After some major convincing from Eliza and Alex, Kara had agreed to see a therapist about how she was handling Jeremiah’s death, but also the resurfacing of her parents. Alex had joined her on few occasions which prompted Kara to be more vocal during her sessions. She was glad that her behaviour hadn’t impacted on her relationship with Alex, that was the _last_ thing she wanted.

But she couldn’t say the same for everyone. It was her last year, so naturally Kara had been spending a lot of time studying, and applying for jobs, considering she would have her bachelor’s degree in less than a years time. This meant that she had less time to spend with Peter, which the man was supposedly okay with. Until some unexpected news arose on Kara’s twenty first birthday, she discovered her parents had set her up with a trust fund containing her entire inheritance.

They had locked the account until Kara had turned twenty one, and had left the deed to her inheritance in the hands of Eliza and Jeremiah. That was Eliza’s gift to Kara, that and a few books from a series that was Kara was obsessing over. It was quite the surprise that Kara wasn’t expecting, but she was incredibly grateful.

She needn’t worry about paying off student loans, buying a car, or even affording an apartment for that matter. In fact, she had _already_ bought one, a nice apartment situated in between uptown and downtown National City. The apartment was spacious enough for Kara, and it was animal friendly which meant Kara could have her pups which were no longer pups, live with her.

Upon buying the apartment, Kara hadn’t really considered how Peter felt about it. If she was honest, she wasn’t ready to move in with Peter, and she thought Peter had felt the same considering he never mentioned anything to Kara about moving forward in their relationship. Apparently _not_. Kara and Peter had gotten into a heated argument before Peter inevitably asked her to leave his house.

In the moment, it hadn’t been a breakup statement, but upon talking about it over coffee the following day, the pair agreed that perhaps they needed a break. Clearly Peter was ready for more commitment, but he didn’t hold it against Kara that she wasn’t.

What was most alarming to Kara was that part of her felt glad that it was over. Part of her felt as though it was a chore to constantly be in a relationship with Peter, almost like how she felt with Mike in end. Kara had only needed her space which she was rightfully entitled to, she didn’t think it would end the two and a half year relationship she had with Peter. Then again, the Brit always had a flare for the dramatic.

Mike had offered to come by and beat some sense into Peter, but Kara urged him not to, telling him nursing his children was far more important. That’s right, _Mike Matthews_ , the one typical playboy Jock had settled down even further, and was the proud father of two newborn baby girls. Kara had attended a house warming party for the new family recently and they really were the Calendar perfect family. She was also informed that Lena was invited, however couldn’t make it due to personal reasons, although she wished her best and had some baby toys and a cot delivered to the little family.

Kara was disappointed that her one chance to see Lena in all these years was spoiled, but she couldn’t remain mad for too long when she was making oogly faces the baby girls who could just not stop laughing.

It was strange being the odd person out. Usually Kara was the one to be in a relationship or attached to someone, but this was the first time she was completely independent and unattached, apart from her dogs which ran savage around her apartment each day. All of her friends were finally starting to settle down in life, and there Kara was, alone in her apartment sorting through numerous emails in response to her job applications.

It almost made her feel jittery with nerves at how eery it was to be alone. For months it had been like that, and apology after apology of unsuccessful applications, until finally Kara received an email from the one place she expected to never get one from, _CatCo_.

CatCo was just one of the many places Kara had been applying to during her final year, she never figured she would actually receive an email back from them. But Cat Grant, _The Cat Grant_ was requesting an interview with Kara on behalf of the editorial team.

If her heart attack right there didn’t show just how nervous and excited Kara was, she didn’t know what would. She phoned Alex the following day and had her come over to help select an outfit for her upcoming interview, and to run practice interviews to ease Kara’s nerves a little.

Before she knew it, she was waiting inside the lobby of the CatCo building, fiddling with her binder full of her resume and academic records and journalistic experience. Sadly, Kara didn’t think her experience as an editorial staff for the Midvale newspaper would cut it, so she was glad she had at least written some puff pieces for some more recognised outlets in National City since beginning her degree.

Not to mention her connections to Lois Lane, notorious headstrong journalist at the _Daily Planet_ in Metropolis, and her familial connection to Clark Kent, who she knew Cat Grant had an eye for. She was positive that she would _at least_ make a lasting impression, if not a good impression. It only she could get her hands to stop vibrating and her face muscles to stop their dance party.

Meeting Cat Grant in person was nothing she could prepare for. Kara had seen photos, read scathing and admirable articles about the woman, but nothing could do her justice. Cat was smaller than Kara had previously imagined, but what she lacked in height she made up for in her fierce and intimidating presence. She was also a little older than Kara thought, but Kara would _never_ openly admit that if she wanted to make it out alive, much less with a job.

What the tabloids never commented on was Cat’s beauty, almost like a fine wine. Cat was of course in the slightly more older generation, however, she had an ethereal beauty about her that Kara admired. It was obvious that Cat respected her appearance and looked after her body, that Kara could relate to.

There was one other man in Cat’s office and Kara assumed him to be the chief of editing, Snapper Carr. She had also heard rumours, even those rumours had rumours. Apparently, Snapper had channeled the rage from his last divorce and had completely emotionally broke the employee before Kara. Why _she_ was fired, and Snapper wasn’t, Kara would never know. Again, she didn’t say anything if she actually enjoyed her life. Snapper secretly looked like he drowned kittens for fun, or some other morbid activity. 

Kara almost trembled beneath Cat’s expectant and fiery gaze, so much that she almost dropped her binder and it’s contents completely. She heard a loud tsk come from Cat and she knew she was off to a _brilliant_ start.

“Well, are you going to continue to stare at me for the entirety of your interview?” Cat sighed, barely looking up from her salad.

“ _Miss Teschmacher!_ ” Cat shrieked.

Kara’s head immediately snapped around and she spotted the familiar face of Eve Teschmacher sitting at a desk beside the window of Cat’s office. The blonde came wobbling in as fast as her heeled feet allowed her, and she too did a double take when she saw Kara. She smiled momentarily before Kara gave her look of sympathy as Cat ripped her a new one.

“Miss Teschmacher” Cat began, sickeningly sweetly, Kara audibly gulped, “Does this salad look _drizzled_ to you?”

Eve looked around frantically as if looking for a higher power to save her. “I-I-I think so” Eve stuttered.

“ _No._ ” Cat snapped. “This lettuce is drowning. It's floating on a sea of ranch, like little Kate Winslets in Titanic. Take this out of my sight and bring me the salad I asked for”.

“Yes, Ms Grant” Eve blurted, quickly grabbing the salad and scurrying out of Cat’s office.

The elder woman turned to look at Kara with a pleased look on her face, and Kara wasn’t sure if she should be afraid, terrified, or _petrified_.

“Now, where were we? Your interview?” Cat questioned calmly.

Kara nodded quickly and handed over her transcripts to Cat, almost dropping them in the process. Cat opened the contents and scrolled over the papers for longer than what Kara deemed necessary, with a look that almost resembled _interest_. Snapper on the other hand was leaning against the open balcony windows while biting his nails and snorting like a pig.

Cat closed the binder in an instant and her crystal gaze met with Kara’s. There was a moment of silent studying before Cat opened her mouth. “Snapper, she’s all yours”.

Cat’s gaze found her work again as she pushed Kara’s binder to the edge of the desk. Kara looked over to Snapper who looked the least bit interested, and then back to Cat. _That’s it?_ Kara thought, not registering she was verbally expressing her thoughts.

The crystal gaze of Cat Grant once again flicked up to Kara, and the younger woman stepped back in fear of her life. “That’s what? Are you expecting a congratulations? Are you expecting a medal?”

Kara shook her head frantically and began tumbling over her own words, until Cat cut her off with a quick movement of her index finger. “No, no. You don’t speak, you go. Snapper will organise the paperwork you need... and _Keira?_ ” Cat called as Kara was exiting the office behind Snapper, “I expect a little interview with your friend Clark” Cat said, her seductive undertone not going amiss.

It was possibly the most successful interview of her entire life, and Kara couldn’t stop gushing to Alex and Eliza over the phone when she got home. She had gone out with Eve during her break and had gotten all the office gossip on Cat, Snapper, and the other employee’s, who to look out for and what not.

It was quite refreshing to have a reunion with an old friend, and definitely good to know at least one person in her new job. Eliza and Maggie had congratulated her endlessly, knowing that this was what Kara had wanted since she moved to National City. It finally looked at though her life had taken a leap forward into better things.

* * *

**Six & A Half Years Later**

Going back to university hadn’t been the first option Kara had considered. At first, she wanted to graduate and work full time at CatCo, and hopefully start to make a name for herself, instead, Kara was offered a scholarship to continue in her current degree to complete a fifth year of Journalism, essentially giving her an honours degree.

It’s not as though Kara wasn’t capable with a Bachelor’s degree, that was the standard degree anyway. But having her honours just sounded cooler, and it definitely looked more attractive on her transcript. It did help that Cat Grant had developed a soft spot for Kara, namely because of her connections to Clark, but it meant that her chances of being fired weren’t as high when she broke the bad news to Cat.

But when she told Cat, the only thing the women asked her was;

“Do you still want your position?”.

Kara replied instantly that she did, that she had been wanting to work at CatCo since she moved to the city, that she could continue working around her degree. Cat had nodded and seemed okay with the idea, knowing the amount of work that Kara was capable of, and so far it had been working in Kara’s favour.

She had been working during the day at CatCo, chasing up leads and following her heart on stories, even if snapper visibly looked as though he wanted to choke the life out of her. Then during the night time, Kara would attend her classes, and return home with just enough time to eat, shower, sleep, then repeat.

So far everything had been looking upwards, until one day when she entered the office, the employee’s were running around like headless chickens. Cat was nowhere to be seen, and Snapper looked as through his veins were about ready to break free and protrude from his skin.

“Snapper? What’s going on?” Kara asked, placing her bag down at her desk.

“Haven’t you seen the news?” Snapper snapped before he reached for a remote on his desk and turned the ceiling TV’s off mute.

_“...It was in the early hours of the morning that the Luthor family was seen rushing Alexander Luthor, the newly appointed CEO of L-Corp to Metropolis General Hospital. Relatives of the family have released a statement that the eldest Luthor had been diagnosed with aggressive leukaemia several months ago where his treatment...”_

Snapper muted the feed before Kara could hear anymore, she didn’t want to hear anymore. First Lionel, and now Lex. Kara didn’t want to imagine how Lena must be feeling right now. Again, she felt the familiar urge to reach out to Lena, knowing full well that she couldn’t even if she wanted to.

The last person Lena would want to see was Kara, and there was nothing Kara could offer her accept for bad memories and more pain. God knows the two of them had already suffered enough pain in their lives. She could only hope that Lex would be okay, and that Lena would be okay.

“ _Ponytail!_ ”

Kara was brought back to reality by the sound of Snapper’s voice piercing through her ears. “Where is that piece you began at the beginning of the week?”

“It’s still coming along, I’m having trouble finding any leads on the story” Kara mumbled disheartedly.

Snapper sighed, “This is journalism, ponytail. You don’t just given in when you have no leads. You pick away at the story until you find something new. Get back out there and bring me a story”.

Even with Snapper’s words of motivation, it was hard to think about anything but Lena. There had been no news or statements, or absolutely anything for months afterwards, until one morning when Kara was out for a run with a man she met at Noonan’s, Adam, she came across corner stall with the daily papers.

She read in big, black, bold letters;

 _L-Corp‘s Second Departure: Alexander Luthor Dead_.

* * *

**Seven & A Half Years Later**

The news of Lex Luthor and yet another L-Corp CEO departure spread across the country like wildfire. Lillian and Lionel Luthor had gone into hiding, and Lena had been trying to keep the family from being torn apart by the tabloids.

In her effort to keep the heat off her grieving family, Lena, the temporarily appointed CEO of L-Corp, decided to move offices to National City. A memorial service was held for Alexander in the late autumn, and Kara, having finished her honours and being able to work full time for CatCo, was asked to attend the service to get a statement from members of the public.

Kara never saw Lena at the memorial, it was more an event for the public, but it didn’t stop the media outlets and television stations from rocking up to try and get the best scoop they could find. Even though Kara was technically asked to do the same, she would’ve still been there even if she hadn’t been asked. The difference between Kara and rest was that Kara was there for personal reasons, she knew Lex Luthor and he was a friend. Besides, she would never exploit the relationship and knowledge she had of Alexander simply to further her career as a journalist, even if she was already in Snapper’s black book.

Kara had met Alexander a few times when she was younger, it was always rare seeing him as the boy was off changing the world or studying at MIT. But he always had a nurturing and protective quality within him, especially over Lena. It was evident in almost everything he did, he loved and cared for his family. He was an incredible son, brother, friend, and he would’ve made a fantastic father aswell.

Of course Kara would never write an article about her personal experiences with Lex, but it was hard to stay of neutral emotion though, when she was writing something she was passionate about, that would be like asking a dog not to bark every time a stranger walked by their fence.

The memorial service was held over the course of a week, most of National City coming to pay their respects to one of the most influential people of the decade. But of all the faces that Kara saw come by each day, she never saw the one she wanted.

It was selfish really, hoping Lena would make an appearance. She was probably grieving with her family and _Sam_ most likely. There’s no way Lena would come by and meddle with the commoners such as herself. A few pictures had surfaced over the course of the memorial week of Lena, and most were of Sam comforting Lena in some way or another.

Kara tried not to let the jealousy hit her, after all, she was seeing Adam, the friendly man she met at Noonan’s. Adam was great, he was the opposite of Peter in every way, where Peter was warm and fuzzy, Adam was very independent and unattached. It was a nice break to be in a relationship with someone whom she didn’t have to see twenty four seven, but in all her years of relationships, the one person she _truly_ regretted losing was Lena.

Lena was such a major and influential part of Kara’s life, and no matter how far Kara had thought she’d come, who she dated, or how much she thought she liked them, her feelings for Lena and the constant pain around the girl would _always_ resurface. Maybe it would be different if they had parted on a different note, or maybe not. But the truth was, no matter how much Kara reminisced of what could of been, she couldn’t keep living in the past.

The raven haired beauty would always be a part of her, some people become a part of you and there’s not much you can do to forget them. But you have to learn to live without them, which is what still, after all these years, Kara had been trying to do. And had Kara stayed at the memorial a little while longer on the final day, she would have seen a familiar face exit a black Limo, going to pay her respects to her brother.

But it seemed fate had a plan of its own. Kara tried not to be too suspicious when she heard of Lena’s arrival in National City, it was probably business formalities or something. There were rumours after all, that L-Corp and Lord Technologies we’re currently working on a secret project, set to be revealed the following year. The press would certainly have a field day with that.

The rumours were confirmed when an impromptu press conference was organised soon after the memorial. Kara was at home finishing up an article for snapper when she noticed the caption on the screen.

_Lena Luthor, youngest billionaire in America speaks out about brothers death and new directions for L-Corp_

_“..... and I am pleased to announce that Lord Technologies will successfully be working in partnership with L-Corp”._

_“Thankyou Max. L-Corp has always supported and funded the medicinal advancements of this country, but sadly, thousands of lives are still being taken each year from cancer, my brother Lex was one of them. In the new month, L-Corp’s funding to the American Cancer Research Association will triple, and we will be funding the treatment of patients in the National City Children’s hospital. With our new partnership with Lord Technologies, a new department will be opening in biomedicine and oncology which will be supervised by my mother, and board member Lillian Luthor. I cannot thank Maxwell Lord enough for his generous contribution to the foundation and department.”_

It had been any Luthor’s first public press conference since Alexander’s death, and Lena certainly looked better than Kara knew she was feeling. Despite the make up loaded on her beautiful face, and the smile she so convincingly wore on her face, Kara _wasn’t_ convinced.

But as one person arrives, another one leaves. Kara was currently in the process of packing her bags with everything she would need for the next several months. CatCo had offered an experience unlike any other to a few employee’s, a trip overseas in documenting third world countries ravaged in poverty.

Kara had volunteered to be one of the few people to go, along with a few other employees from CatCo, and some from the Daily Planet in Metropolis, her cousin being one of them. It was good to be able to go with someone she actually knew, and who was family, considering she’d be in a whole new world for months to come.

She never really saw Clark that often when she was younger, considering for a long while he lived in a different country. Kara’s biological father and Clark’s father were brother’s themselves, and it wasn’t until Clark’s family moved back to the United States that Kara was able to meet her cousin in person. They would always write to each other, and Kara, being a couple years older would always have help in decyphering her cousin’s chicken scrawl of handwriting.

Her father never spoke of why there was such a strangled relationship between the family’s, but her mother Alura used to tell bed time stories of two brothers who used to be the best of friends, until one day, one of the brothers left the other. Kara had always assumed that Alura meant her father Zor, and her uncle Jor.

Clark’s parents too passed away when he was younger, murdered due to their positions within the government. Their were so many twisted lies in the family, Kara was just glad that Clark was adopted by a family as good as the Danvers’, the Kent’s. Clark’s name was legally changed from his birth name Kal, as a safety precaution. But it had been years since the tragedy, and Clark had lived a safe and secure life.

Her sister and Eliza were apprehensive about the whole ordeal, but Kara insisted that Eliza had once done a ‘Doctors Without Borders’, so why couldn’t Kara do a ‘Reporters Without Borders’. It’s not as though she needed Eliza’s permission anymore, but she could understand the fear in Eliza’s thought process. The woman didn’t want to lose anyone else in her life, which was understandable.

Losing Jeremiah was hard on everyone, but for Eliza, losing someone who’d been such an important part of her life, it was like learning how to live again. Kara knew that feeling all too well, she had experienced it more than Eliza herself, but it wasn’t about how Kara was feeling, this was about Eliza. Loss could never really be compared between people because everyone experienced it differently, and everyone coped differently.

All Kara could do was reassure Eliza that she would try to write, email and Skype as much as she could. That was all that she could do, after losing so many people, Kara could never fully promise her safety or life to anyone. How can you promise something you’re not entirely in control of, or promise something that’s yet to come? It was false hope is what it was, and Kara had seen enough of it around the world.

Partly why she was doing the _Reporters Without Borders_ in the first place, because she wanted to eradicate all the false hope around the world and actually, physically bring the hope herself.

Kiribati wasn’t the worst place Kara could have gone too, of course there was a level of safety to wherever the Reporters were sent, and Kiribati was relatively safe, if you didn’t account for the humidity. Kara was a sucker for warm weather, because warm weather meant the pool, or the beach, or _ice cream_ , but Kiribati gave a whole new meaning to the word ‘ _warm_ ’.

The temperature itself was reasonable, but the tropical humidity made it seem ten times worse than it actually was. The reporters had ended up being joined by the Doctors Without Borders group, and received a lengthy lecture from the head trauma surgeon about the importance of hydration and sun smart clothing.

Thankfully Kara had chosen a white singlet, a loose, long sleeved and thin top rolled at the sleeves to protect her shoulders and arms, and some khaki shorts, nothing like Clark’s long trousers and dress top. For someone so smart, he really was clueless at times.

The man released an audible grumble when they deboarded their helicopter, at least up there they had a breeze, but down on the ground was like a sauna.

“I hope that’s not all you packed, cous”. Kara chuckled, “You’re gonna be a kebab before we leave this place”.

Clark groaned even louder, glaring at Kara in the process which only caused the blonde to laugh even harder. This was certainly going to be an interesting trip.

* * *

**Nine Years Later**

Kara had been home from Kiribati a few months now, still fully relieved to be back in a climate that wasn’t an oven on wheels. Along with her newly discovered gratitude for National City’s climate, Kara rocked a hell of a tan, which only served to make her blonde hair pop even more, giving her the ultimate “beach babe vibe” as Maggie put it.

She had Skyped, emailed, and wrote just as she promised she would, but no one was more excited about her return than Lexa and Schnitzel. Upon coming home, Eliza had been waiting at Kara’s apartment after having looked after the dogs while Kara was away. Lexa had pounced on Kara the second she walked through the door, and Kara caught her whimpering mess of a husky immediately, holding her like the big baby she was.

Schnitzel had been pawing rapidly at Kara’s leg, too little to jump that high, and Kara put Lexa down to envelop Schnitzel’s lengthy, little frame into a slobbery hug. That night, Kara had forgone her rule about no dogs on the bed, and allowed her dogs to keep her comfort, seeing as how Adam was no longer around.

The pair tried desperately to make it work over the months, but poorly timed Skype calls and unread emails left for a pretty bland relationship. The pair had a mutual break up and held no malice towards each other. Adam had been the one to originally encourage Kara to go on the trip, saying it would be the experience of a life time, particularly for a journalist. Kara was upset it couldn’t work in the end, she did like Adam, but maybe not as much as she thought she did.

Maybe there was just something wrong with her. All these breakups, but no depressive states of watching _Bridget Jones’s Diary_ while eating out of an ice cream container. Maggie had told Kara it was because she hadn’t met the right person yet, but Kara knew that wasn’t true. She _had_ met the right person, she just screwed it up.

Being back at work felt a little strange after being away for so long. Snapper was surprisingly pleased with all the articles and photos Kara had been emailing to him over the course of her trip, she had been featured numerous times as the main article in CatCo’s magazine. And while Cat was initially sour at Kara’s break up with her eldest son, something Kara hadn’t even found out until well into their relationship, she couldn’t remain sour for long considering all the work the blonde was doing.

Upon coming back to work, Kara had also gotten the all clear from Snapper to publish her work on a blog she had made called _Smiles for Miles_ , which was all about raising awareness about poverty, and bringing happiness to those less fortunate. The home page on the website featured a photo of Kara with a small child on her lap, along with a few others on either side of her who were all grinning at the camera. It was just one of the many photos Kara had taken, and below that Kara had posted the story she’d written of the young child and his family.

A week into the blog and Kara had racked up thousands of followers, her work and articles for CatCo having reached more people than she imagined. She also received an anonymous donation in the donation section of the blog which linked directly to multiple charities, and Doctors Without Borders. The donation was by far the _largest_ single donation she had received so far, surpassing the total combined individual donations she had otherwise received.

In her efforts to find out who the anonymous donator was, Kara decided they wanted to remain anonymous for a reason. So instead she posted a ‘thankyou’ letter on the blog to everyone who had donated, hoping her anonymous supporter would see.

On top of all the attention her blog was receiving, there was also a lot of chaos happening in the pit at CatCo. L-Corp and Lord Technologies were holding a press reveal to release the project they had been partnering on the previous year, and Kara was sent to get a first hand exclusive and quotes from Lena Luthor herself.

It would be the first time Kara had seen Lena in person since _that_ day so many years ago, and if she were hooked to a heart monitor, she was sure medical professionals would think she’d be having an MI. The conference was loaded with paparazzi, reporters and news stations. Upon the stage there looked to be multiple people in suits and dresses, most likely board members.

Kara recognised Maxwell Lord with his crisp suit and God complexion, but she also recognised someone else on stage. It was _Lillian Luthor_. Lena was still nowhere to be seen, and Kara remained camouflaged in and amongst the chaos. She took her seat and waited for all of a few minutes before Lena gracefully walked onto the stage and to the podium, Maxwell Lord taking his place beside her.

Lena was dressed in an elegant white top which looked to be worth more than Kara’s apartment, and she wore black suit pants to match. Her hair was pulled into a tight bun, showing off her stubborn jawline and accentuating her beautiful features that Kara had come to miss more than she could imagine.

Kara held her breath while Lena readied herself to speak, and when the words slipped out of her lips, Kara heaved in a gulp of oxygen, finding it extremely difficult to breathe. _Why was she so nervous?_  Maybe it was the prospect of being in the same room as Lena, or perhaps seeing her was so overwhelming for Kara. Undoubtedly Kara had already disturbed many people around her, but by the grace of God, Lena hadn’t noticed her, _yet_. Why would she.

Similar things could not be said for the other Luthor woman, however. Little did Kara know, Lillian had spotted her the minute she entered the conference hall, and her gaze never left Kara. When Kara noticed the elder Luthor looking at her for the first time, she honest to God _squealed_ , then shifted in her seat, causing even more of a disturbance. A friendly smirk pulled at Lillian’s lips, and Kara sunk further into her seat, wishing the earth to open up and swallow her whole.

The conference seemed to take hours, and when questions were being asked, Kara scolded herself for remaining silent in her seat. She would definitely receive an earfull from snapper later on, he had sent her particularly because Kara had a knack for asking the ‘out of the box’ questions that many didn’t think of, and speakers didn’t think to consider beforehand. She could always tell the man though, that questions were cut short, or that people had already asked all the questions Kara prepared.

Kara found Lillian’s gaze yet again on her, looking at Kara expectantly, and if telepathy were a thing, Kara would know _exactly_ what Lillian was trying to tell her. Lillian wanted Kara to make herself known, but like the nervous wreck she was, Kara stayed silent, a look of shame plastered to her face, and Lillian gave her a sympathetic look, as if she realised how difficult this must have been for Kara.

Instead, Kara slunk even further in her chair, close to falling off, but she remained enveloped by the crowd, hoping the conference would end soon. If she was honest, Kara was completely overwhelmed by the onslaught of emotions that had resurfaced. The anger, betrayal, heartbreak, _even_ the love. Kara had felt something for Lena all those years ago, something _raw_ , and something _real_. Heck, she had even broken up with Mike because of it.

And just when Kara was able to admit to those feelings, it was too late. So of course she was struggling with what she could possibly do in this moment. She couldn’t work out whether her feelings for Lena now were positive or negative, all she knew was that it was incredibly overwhelming. So she shied away.

Realistically, there were a few scenarios that could unfold. If Kara made herself known, Lena could end the questions early, or she could answer Kara’s question without batting an eyelid, or, the worst case scenario’s, she could have Kara thrown out, or not even recognise her at all. The least likely, and what Kara silently hoped for, even knowing it was never going to happen because she was still shell shocked and silent, was that Lena would be completely surprised and grateful at seeing Kara.

She couldn’t really explain why it was hard for her to fathom the idea that Lena might have missed her, in Kara’s mind, Lena had left her for a better future. If Lena truly cared, she wouldn’t have left in the first place. That was Kara’s sour heart talking though. But even when Lena reached out to Kara, Kara ignored her, accidentally on her part, but by doing so it left their relationship still in _pieces_ , hearts still _shattered_ , and wounds still _bleeding_.

Out of all the scenarios that Kara conjured, she never imagine what actually unfolded. The second the conference ended, Kara shot upright like a bullet and made way for the isle. She was quickly lost in amongst a sea of journalists, and when she looked back, she could see Lena, happily engaged in a conversation with Max, completely oblivious to Kara’s presence. Then she saw Lillian descending the stage stairs rather quickly in her direction.

Like a little kid in trouble for stealing candy, Kara quickly exited, but as long as her legs are, Lillian’s were longer, and before she knew it, Kara was being pulled out of the sea of people and towards a quieter area.

The first thing she noticed was that Lillian had aged, obviously, but with all things considered in her life, she still looked incredible. Kara’s ocean eyes were wide as saucers as she stood staring up at the elder Luthor, grabbing the fabric of her slacks nervously.

Lillian took in Kara’s features, paying close attention to the way Kara was shifting from foot to foot ever so slightly. Kara wasn’t expecting the taller woman to crack a wide smile before pulling her into an embrace. Kara tentatively hugged the elder woman back, unsure of what else to do.

The elder woman pulled back momentarily to run her eyes over Kara before pulling her back into an embrace.

“ _Kara Danvers_ ” Lillian spoke as if she were reminiscing.

“ _Mrs Luthor_ ” Kara responded, high pitched and nervous.

“Oh enough of the formalities, Kara” Lillian tsked, “How in the _hell_ have you been? It’s been _years_ since I last saw you! My you’ve grown, and look at your _hair_. You are just a beautiful little thing, and look _so_ much like your mother. How is she by the way?” Lillian cooed, overwhelming Kara.

“Oh— well—“ Kara started.

Lillian’s face morphed into a horrified realisation immediately. “Oh my, I’m _so_ sorry, dear. How incredibly insensitive of me, it slipped my mind. I’m incredibly sorry about Jeremiah” Lillian placed an aged, slender hand on Kara’s shoulder comfortingly.

The blonde adjusted her glasses nervously, trying to maintain her emotions. Thinking about Jeremiah always brought back the pain. “Thankyou. Eliza is as well as she can be” Kara assured with a small smile, “I’m sorry aswell... About Lex. I can’t imagine what it must feel like”.

It was the truth, even though Kara had lost so much family in her life, she’s never had to deal with the loss of a child. It’s expected that children out live their parents, and Kara believed that no matter how hard it is for a child to say goodbye to a parent, a parent should never have to say goodbye to their child. It was a different kind of love, and a different kind of pain altogether.

Her uncle Jor had always had a saying, the son becomes the father, and the father becomes a son. She understood its meaning, but never saw it as an idealistic way of thinking until now. A parent brought their child into the world, they shouldn’t have to watch them leave, that was the child’s role.

Lillian gave a sad smile and remained silent, letting Kara know it was okay, yet she didn’t want to talk about it. Instead, she chose something different. “Why didn’t you ask something? I _can see_ you have a list of questions on your notepad” Lillian motioned to Kara’s displayed note pad.

Kara quickly retracted it and began mumbling. “Oh, you know... My questions were already asked, and I didn’t want to have to bother Lena with the inconvenience of—

“ _Kara_ ”. Lillian pressed.

Kara rolled her eyes and shrugged like a child. “ _Fine_ ”, she huffed. “I didn’t know what to say. I have all these questions but I just... I couldn’t... did Lena ever actually tell you anything?”

Lillian tilted her head in question before lightly shaking her head. “Not really. From where I’m standing though, all I see is two people who want to see each other, but don’t know how. You never saw Lena when she left, Kara.” Lillian spoke with a far away look in her eyes.

“What do you mean?” Kara questioned.

The elder woman stilled, realising she had said too much. “It’s not my place to tell. I can give Lena those questions though, if you like?”

“ _No!_ ” Kara quickly blurred out, “I mean... please don’t tell Lena I was here”.

Lillian nodded with a look of disappointment, but understanding. Then she left Kara alone to her thoughts.

The blonde couldn’t sleep that night, she tossed and turned in her bed over and over again, she had never been so restless. Instead, she pulled out her laptop and began writing the piece that Snapper expected her to finish by tomorrow;

_A New Age of Medicine: L-Corp and Lord Technologies_

Her article was coming along rather nicely. The device the two companies had revealed was rather genius actually. It was a small hand held device that with the click of a button, inserted a small needle into a person’s skin, similar to that of a blood glucose test. The device would then perform a biopsy, using the already pre-installed determinants and would give an accurate reading of blood cell count, presence or leukocytes, IgE cells, mast cells and many other health determinants of a blood reading. The device even performed a minor skin biopsy. Kara was more than impressed with the work Lena must have done to develop such a device.

The device essentially told you what was wrong and if you had a disease in the click of a button. It was pure genius.

But if only seeing Lena in the flesh had this effect, Kara had no clue what would happen if she spoke to Lena. She didn’t think she was ready for that.

But too quickly she spoke. When entering work the follow day, Snapper had thrown a piece of paper in Kara’s face. Kara scowled and readjusted her glasses, not at all in the mood to be tested today with the amount of sleep she _didn’t_ get the previous night. On the note was an address and a time.

In all her time working for Snapper, the man sure picked the most inconvenient times to be vocal, and when not to. Often he threw Kara an address and time without any information as to who she was even interviewing, or what about she was interviewing about.

In her exhausted anger, as Kara walked along Cordova street and into a large building, she completed dismissed the large letters on the top of the building that read ‘L-Corp’. The lobby was certainly expensive looking, and there was an indoor wall fountain by the receptionists desk. Kara was lead to an elevator, trying not to let her scowl or confusement show. A reporter who had no idea on what they were reporting was never a good thing.

Maybe this was it though, maybe this would be when snapper finally showed his true colours as a serial killer. Maybe it would be like _Dexter_ , and Kara was being led to a room covered in plastic with a knife wielding forensic scientist by day, and serial killer by night.

Kara giggled aloud, unaware she was until the elevator door opened, and a new receptionist was looking at her both annoyed and intrigued. It was incredibly silent outside the elevator, and Kara felt extremely out of place. She felt like breaking into a musical number just to give the place some life, using some of the skills she’d picked up from flash mobbing. Instead, the receptionist who introduced herself as ‘Jess’, told Kara to wait inside the large office.

Kara waited for a few minutes until she heard the telltale sign of privilege just clacking it’s way across the marble floor. Then she heard muffled voices outside, unable to make out the words due to the apparent semi-noise resistant room she was in. _Great_ , Kara thought. Snapper wanted her to interview a snobbish CEO or something that probably had secrets galore, hence the noise resistance. She would have to work extra hard not to knock someone out today.

Kara plastered her best ‘sunny Danvers’ smile onto her face, ready for the storm to come, and what a beautiful storm it would be.   
  
“You must be the CatCo reporter” a familiar voice spoke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be first of two chapters during the time jump, next one will be Lena’s :) pretty much these chapters will reveal details about the others life in snippets which may or may not be mentioned again.
> 
> Apologies again if my whole high school/college talk is incorrect. American school is so different from Australian it’s just not funny ;). Also, apologies for the delay in updating, this took so long to write cause there is so much content! Then I had to edit aswell. In case anyone is confused, the time jumps are not jumps directly after each other, they are relating back to the day lena left. So it total it’s around 8.5-9 years so our girls are 25ish by the end of it.
> 
> I hope people are still sticking with me on this! Any feedback is appreciated! I know some people weren’t happy with the jump so let me know if you want me to include anything at all and I will try my best!! I know there’s a lot in the chapter, it’s 9 years worth of story! Hope you enjoyed this monster, and until next time where we see things from Lena’s eyes.


	13. You Found Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Warning* The beginning of this chapter may be triggering for some people. There is a strong focus on depression. Please skip over the beginning of this chapter if that is triggering for you
> 
> Where were you  
> When everything was falling apart?  
> All my days  
> Spent by the telephone  
> That never rang  
> And all I needed was a call  
> That never came  
> From the corner of First and Amistad
> 
> In the end  
> Everyone ends up alone  
> Losing her  
> The only one who's ever known  
> Who I am, who I'm not, and who I wanna be  
> No way to know  
> How long she will be next to me

“Now, are you _absolutely_ sure you have packed everything, sweetheart?”

Lena thought for a moment. She had checked and rechecked her bags ten times the previous night, and another ten times earlier in the morning. If there was ever a thing called ‘overchecking’, Lena sure as hell invented it.

She had all her electronics, clothes, makeup, personal items, toiletries, everything she would need for her first semester at Highmore, and then some. Lena had followed her list of supplies down to the absolute letter. She was sure she had everything, well, everything except for Kar— _no_. This wasn’t about Kara, this was about Lena, and her new start. A new life awaited her and that was the way it had to be for the both of them.

Over the Christmas holidays, Lena hadn’t heard a word from Kara. Not a call, not a text, not even something as old fashioned as a letter. Not even to wish her Merry Christmas, or a happy new year. Granted, Lena didn’t send anything to Kara either. She waited, the entire holidays for Kara to take an interest and to tell her goodbye, but it never happened.

It was obvious to see that Kara didn’t want to see her. Lena tried to ignore the stabbing feeling in her chest, because at the end of the day, she had chosen this. This was her decision, and Lena would have to deal with the consequences of her actions.

She hoped that Kara would have at least fought a little harder for her in the end, but she guessed that was just a show of character and a confirmation of thought, Kara didn’t _need_ her, nor did Kara _want_ her. How wrong she had been about Kara for so long, and how misplaced her trust and love had been.

It was quite obvious when in the first few weeks at Highmore, Lena logged into her Facebook, hoping Kara might have updated her profile, but instead of seeing that radiant smile, she saw Kara had unfriended her. She was sad to say the least, that things had turned out the way they did. Kara unfriending her was only plunging that already existing knife further into her heart.

Lena figured that that’s just the way things are, the people who you hold to the highest appraisal will always let you down in some way, and the people who you love and trust the most, are bound to hurt you the most. People aren’t always who you expect them to be, nor want them to be. Lena learnt that lesson a very hard way.

All those things her parents told her finally made sense. They would always tell Lena that the friends you make in high school won’t always be your friends, people come and go, and it’s the people who you think will stay forever that end up leaving. They would always tell Lena not to get caught up in emotions, or get attached, but it was Kara _freaking_ Danvers, not getting attached was easier said than done.

It was practically impossible not to swoon around the brunette. The girl was literally the sun itself, and her aura was captivating, mesmerising, hypnotising even. Anyone who didn’t experience butterflies, stammers or the old ‘love at first sight’ had to of had no sight at all.

Lena learned in a very hard way though, that true friendship is when people stick by you in your worst moments, and they don’t take no for an answer, or give up on you when you walk away. True friendship is when a person is willing to fight for you when you no longer can, or want to fight yourself. True friendship is stubbornness, but compassion, assertiveness, but understanding. And while she thought all those qualities existed in Kara, she realised it was a one way street, and how very wrong she had been all along. Kara didn’t _want_ to fight for her, it was tragic, yet simple. Kara didn’t _need_ her, Kara didn’t _want_ her.

* * *

The last semester of Lena’s sophomore year seemed to go quicker than all her years of high school combined. And regardless of how put together and sure of her actions she thought she felt at the beginning of the year, things were quite the opposite now.

No matter how happy Lena seemed to be on the outside, she couldn’t help the dreaded feeling of emptiness in her heart, and the constant ache that was her longing for Kara. She missed Kara more than anything, the blue eyed brunette had left an irreversible, empty void inside her, that no matter how hard she tried, just could not be filled. Not even Sam could fill the emptiness inside Lena.

Of course when Lena ventured home for the summer break, Lillian noticed her daughter’s emotional absence immediately. Lena had locked herself in her room the entire summer, not even considering seeing her old friends even once, that would just splurge on the memories of Kara, all the painful memories Lena was trying to ignore.

Lillian had been extremely worried about Lena and threatened to pull Lena out of Highmore, but Lena convinced her otherwise, telling Lillian it was “just a hormonal teenage phase” that would be over within a few months. How wrong she had been though, as a few months turned into years.

Out of everything that Lena had assumed, or planned before leaving for Highmore, she never imagined she would end up where she was now, in a pit of loneliness. Despite all the people around her who loved her, and assure her she wasn’t alone, Lena _did_ feel _alone_. Lena wasn’t just sad, she was depressed. And Lena couldn’t forgive herself for up and leaving without even considering the implications of her actions.

It’s not as though she regretted moving to Highmore, she regretted leaving in the context she did. Because now when she was home, it just didn’t feel like it did before, with the noticeable absence of Kara. Lena learned very quickly after her separation with Kara, that the brunette was home. It’s ridiculous to think that a someone could have that much of an impact on someone, but the relationship between the pair was unexplainable, almost like gravity. Scientists understand gravity, and how it’s present in the universe, but they’re still yet to conclude _why?_

Being with Kara felt as though the weight of the sun was lifted off Lena’s shoulders. It felt as though two long lost magnets were finally being brought together after years of repulsion, and Lena didn’t know why or how she felt like that, she just did. Kara _was_ home, and Lena knew that no matter how much time passed between the pair, Kara would _always_ be home.

But if given the chance, if time travel existed, Lena would go back and redo the last year, starting with never even opening her stupid mouth, or never even considering sleeping with Kara at that fateful party. But of course, time travel didn’t exist, and Lena was stuck with the present.

The truth was, Lillian had never seen Lena more depressed, and Lena never felt so depressed and helpless herself. Even Sam noticed when Lena returned for her Junior Year, she just wasn’t the same. There was absolutely nothing she could do or say that could jolt Lena out of her transcendent state, and if she was honest, Sam was becoming quite afraid.

Sam had been able to acquire some alcohol one Friday night, well into the school year, hoping that perhaps Lena might be able to have a fun time and forget about her hardships for at least a few hours. That helped Sam on occasions, she figured it was the only thing left she could try to remedy Lena, it was a last resort.

The night had gone semi successful, with Lena getting drunk and sneaking out into town with Sam. The brunette ended up getting a small written tattoo across her ribs in her drunken state, and Lena had gotten a tongue piercing to which she regretted the following morning, but later sported with pride. Although the night became thoroughly awkward when Lena woke up partly naked in Sam’s bed.

She would never blame her actions on intoxication, rather that she needed someone because she was sick of being alone. Lena was sick of hurting day in and day out over a person she couldn’t have, a person no longer in her life, yet who somehow still influenced Lena in every capacity. Lena needed someone, someone to fill that void in her heart, even if just temporarily and even if just a little bit, and Sam was perfect for the moment.

She _needed_ to feel human again, she _needed_ to feel like Lena again, and she _needed_ to feel like she at least mattered, if only to one person. Any feeling had to of been better than how Lena was feeling then. However, as much as Lena respected Sam, Sam wasn’t the right person. No, no one would ever be the right person.

Lena didn’t have the almighty spark with Sam the way she had with Kara. It was a different feeling, and a different kind of love altogether. Lena’s love for Kara was one that could not be reciprocated to anyone else, and it was one she could not escape, or drown away from. It was everlasting, transcendent, one that stemmed from something that couldn’t be explained.

It just was, and Lena hated that Kara still had such a strong grip on her heart, and still managed to affect her so tremendously, despite being across the country. Whereas Lena’s love for Sam was more of a ‘I know you’ll never leave me, but I can’t love you the way you want me to’. It was quite obvious to everyone, even Lena herself that Sam had feelings for her stronger than a friend. It was Kara and Lena in reverse, where Sam was Lena, and Lena was Kara.

Lena felt bad for Sam, but then Lena remembered she was blunt with Sam, and she never did anything to lead Sam on, despite that one night. Lena was learning how to figure out her feelings to avoid casualties. She didn’t hide the truth about how she felt, and Sam didn’t leave her after being rejected. Sam was another entity altogether, like an angel sent specifically for Lena in her depressive times. And Lena was forever thankful for the blessing that was Samantha Arias.

The alcohol was only a temporary escape though, and when Lena sobered, she felt even worse than she had before. Walking through Mount Highmore Academy without Kara’s recognisable laugh was as though a permanent switch had been flipped inside of Lena’s heart, leaving it in a total permanent darkness.

There was something so incredibly lively about Kara’s whole persona, she not only radiated joy and happiness, she invented joy and happiness. And without Kara, there simply wasn’t a lot of joy and happiness.

When her new friends asked her if she was okay, she simply responded that she was stressed, because she couldn’t bare to think about Kara, or the fact that she had lost the one person she had ever, _truly_ loved. Lena Luthor was in love with Kara Danvers, and she had lost her, as easily and quickly as it was to make that one decision that catapulted them to where they were now.

Slowly, the weeks bled into months, the months ended up in an entire year having passed, and the void in Lena’s heart only deepened.

* * *

**A Year & A Half Later**

Once a person reaches rock bottom, the only place left for them to go is up. Lena was grateful that no matter how bad her mental state had gotten over her sophomore and junior year, she still had her family and Sam, both of whom never gave up on her.

Lena was seeing a therapist each fortnight, who she resented at first, but Dr. Thomas Coville had some admirable qualities. The most admirable was that he was a persistent son of a bitch, and never gave in on Lena, even when she did herself. He promised Lena that there would be a silver lining, and that as time passed, Lena would feel better. In the beginning, she didn’t believe that for a second, but now she had a whole new perspective.

Lena’s grades were improving noticeably since beginning senior year, and she was eternally thankful for the support she had received. Her life was slowly turning around out of the darkness, and into the light. Even though Lena wanted to blame her recovering mental state on Kara, she knew that it was unfair.

It certainly didn’t help that when Lena took the effort to reach out to Kara on her birthday in junior year, the brunette ignored her. Lena didn’t expect a response from Kara, heck, she wouldn’t respond if she was Kara, but she hoped Kara would respond. Even a simple “Thankyou” would have sufficed. Through it all, there was one thing Lena possessed which didn’t waver, and that was hope. But that hope diminished with every passing week since sending that letter, and with every empty return mail delivery. There was no response, it was radio silent, or more accurately, letter silent.

Lena knew her issues stemmed deeper than Kara, that they stemmed from her own anxiety and innermost depression of not being worth enough. Ever since Lena could read or write, she had always expected so much of herself. She expected more than what even her parents expected, more than what was necessary.

It wasn’t exactly easy coming from a family such as the Luthor’s. Practically everyone in the family was well known, had invented something or another, or were making a change in the world. It was especially hard seeing as how Lena’s father had been the man to found L-Corp.

Before L-Corp, Lena’s grandfather, and his father before him started a minor oiling company called _Loil_ (Loyal). They were quite successful, however, when the company was passed to Lionel, he moved the company’s directive into technology and medicine, creating L-Corp instead.

Coming from such majorly influential people only fueled Lena’s perception of her ‘inadequacy’. It was crippling at times, but Kara had certainly been the catalyst which plunged Lena overboard.

Though, despite Lena’s diminished hope from the previous year, she decided to try communicating with Kara again, because Kara was worth it, and Lena knew that having Kara in her life again would only make it a thousand times better. Lena didn’t like to say she was dependant on Kara, but when you love someone that much, it’s hard not to be.

A few weeks went by where Lena heard no response, until one day she received a letter in the mail with Kara’s return address. Lena’s heart thumped in her chest at the pure ecstasy of reading whatever Kara had to say. It was perhaps the happiest she had been since leaving Lima.

With shaking hands, Lena pulled a letter out of the envelope, disregarding the fact that the envelope itself was scribed with writing which was definitely _not_ Kara’s. Lena’s optimistic heart assumed it might have been Eliza’s or Jeremiah’s, as Kara may have forgotten to address the letter.

Lena smiled to herself, Kara was a clutz like that sometimes. One day in freshman year, Lena spied Kara bullying a computer screen in the library. Her beautiful features were pulled into a grumpy pout, an expression which mesmerised Lena. Lena padded over to Kara, watching her friend’s anger rise by the second.

When Lena realised that Kara was trying, and failing to send an email, due to the fact she hadn’t even addressed the email to a recipient, she couldn’t help the cackle which boomed from her throat. Kara certainly had her moments which gave her brunette hair a run for its money.

But when Lena opened the contents of the letter, she felt her heart sink with that familiar pain of emptiness, and darkness, her old friend.

_Dear Lena,_

_We hope this letter finds you well. We assume the letter you sent was addressed to the previous owners of this house. We regret to inform you that they moved interstate a few months ago. We’re sorry for this inconvenience._

_The Evan’s Family_.

Attached to the letter was a copy of the second letter Lena had sent. She realised that Kara must have received the first, not bothering to tell Lena her family was moving. Lena swallowed the lump in her throat, the realisation hitting her that Kara was _gone_.

Kara hadn’t bothered to tell Lena where she moved because Kara didn’t want her knowing, Kara wasn’t interested and she didn’t care. Of course, this only fueled Lena’s down spiral of self worth, and now without the hope of a reconciliation with Kara, she felt worse than she did before.

But just like last time, her family and friends were there to catch Lena as she fell, and for the first time in a long time, Lena realised that even though she was without Kara, she wasn’t alone. She realised that her happiness was not dependant on a single person, a person who _didn’t_ care. And Lena understood for the first time, not just the meaning, but the feeling of true friendship, and she knew who would be there for her, _always_.

It had been a long journey, and an even longer journey was yet to come, but slowly, with the help of her family, Lena began to learn how to live her life without the presence of Kara. Every now and again her mind would wonder back to the blue eyed beauty, but those thoughts would be quickly replaced.

She had no room in her heart left for the pain she felt when she remembered Kara, and she wouldn’t spend the rest of her life living in the past. She was a Luthor, and a Luthor is stronger than that.

* * *

**Two & A Half Years Later**

Lena was a very reserved kind of person, which meant she was very reserved with her emotions, with the exception of a certain brunette. With Lena’s experience in high intensity tutoring, her academic record and extra curricular activities, it was hard to make her stress about anything.

But all those years of training, and managing stress flew out the window when Lena was applying for colleges. She had received numerous offers from a lot of prestigious institutes, but like a true Luthor, Lena was looking into every college she could in order to get the best deal so to speak, since a lot of places were offering her some hefty scholarships. Lena’s academic transcript from Highmore was nothing short of exceptional.

It wasn’t so much stress from her parents though, Lena always knew her parents supported her no matter how high her grades were, or where she went to college. Although she did want to make her parents proud, it was the stress that Lena put on herself about not being good enough. Ever since Kara exited her life in sophomore year, a lingering feeling has plagued every decision Lena has made, and every time it’s made her question whether she was good enough.

Sure enough, Lena was in the mindset that wherever she wanted to go would reject her, similar as to how Kara did years ago. She couldn’t blame it all on Kara though, for years Lena had been battling her inner demons that constantly told her to be better. Most of the time they served as beneficial, and prompted Lena to be bigger, better, to study harder and to work harder. But on her worst days, they told her she wasn’t good enough, told her she was _worthless_.

Those feelings only seemed to amplify after Kara flittered out of her life as gracefully as she flittered in. It was a mindset in the making, and losing Kara was the catalyst with surged the mindset forward to its completion. She had discovered all that in her fortnightly sessions with Dr. Coville, but it wasn’t a mindset that could be changed overnight.

Lena was still working towards being able to accept herself as an independent woman, and part of that involved Lena finding her niche, involved Lena finding her place in the world at the right college.

Sam had been more than helpful in helping Lena with her college applications, and had even written a few templates for Lena to edit in all her extra curricular activities and transcripts. Sam had been rather successful in her application to Harvard, having chosen a flexible double degree of a Bachelor of Laws with an honours extension, and a Bachelor of Commerce, majoring in Economics.

Despite her sexual encounter with Sam, the brunette possessed one quality which Kara didn’t, Sam didn’t leave her, even after their encounter, even after Lena semi-rejected Sam, and even after Sam had left for college. It had been an awkward conversation, but a necessary one, and Lena had explained that she couldn’t love Sam more than she would love a sister.

The brunette understood that Lena would never reciprocate the depth of her own feelings, and Lena could see it too, the way Sam looked at her, Sam wanted more. But even after Lena told Sam “no”, Sam still stuck around to support Lena in any capacity she could, and Lena valued that more than Sam would ever know.

Sam was a true sister to Lena, and she offered her help in everything she could. As it turned out, Sam’s help in applications was extremely beneficial, as Lena had been asked to attend an interview at MIT. Her nervousness for the interview proved to be unnecessary as she passed with flying colours, having made a great impression on the Dean.

It did help that Lena’s brother had a stellar record and was known around campus as an amazing student. However Lena was her own person, and despite her brother’s good recommendation, the Dean was thoroughly impressed with Lena herself.

Along with being formally accepted into MIT, Lena was offered an undergrad scholarship for thirty-five-thousand dollars to the degree of her choosing. Lena chose to study a framework degree of Science in Engineering, unsure of whether she wanted to progress to a doctorate after the initial degree.

But that was years away, Lena was more focused on the here and now, and enjoying the company of the new friends she made since starting her first year. The University was full of intellectuals like Lena, and she often had heated debates with many students, all in good nature though. It was just her stubborn Luthor genes shining through.

Since starting college, Lena had noticed that her attitude to everyone had shifted significantly, maybe it was just the positive atmosphere on campus. Lena had been enjoying all her classes, making a few friends here and then, impressing her teachers, Lena had found her niche, and things started to slowly but surely look up for her.

As well as pursuing her more academic recourses around campus, Lena also pursued recreational activities aswell. MIT had recently introduced a campus theatre club, for theatrically talented people like Lena to enjoy performing as down time.

A few weeks into her first semester at one of the club meetings, the fourth year student who had founded the club decided to turn the meeting into a popcorn and movies night. Except the movies consisted of dance numbers or performances which were making rounds on the Internet, or going viral.

About four performances in, they came across a video on YouTube titled _‘National City Flashmob Association - Anything Could Happen’_. The Flashmob was absolutely incredible, and Lena could see why so many had viewed and enjoyed it on the internet. She was jealous that there weren’t any associations like that in Cambridge. About half way through the video though, Lena couldn’t help the unsettling feeling rising in her stomach.

The lucky person behind the camera who witnessed the flashmob kept frequently filming towards an attractive blonde who seemed to be one of the main singers. The quality of the footage wasn’t the greatest, nor was the audio on the flimsy device, so Lena didn’t have a clear focus on the face of who that angelic voice came from.

Her immediate thoughts were that it was Kara. Lena scolded herself for associating Kara with the beautiful voice she was hearing. Firstly, Kara was brunette not blonde, and secondly, Kara lived in Midvale, at least Lena thought she did. That’s if what Lucy and James told her was correct.

Lena shrugged the thought away, figuring that she was being reminiscent, nostalgic even, of the amazing times she had with Kara back in Lima. This was just her brains way of coping that Kara was indefinitely erased from her life, and Lena would need to accept that.

And accept that she did, having devoted most of her time towards her studying, and extra curricular activities. Towards the end of her first year, Lena couldn’t remember the last time Kara entered her mind.

Any spare time Lena had was used to explore the beauty that was Cambridge, whether it was visiting the numerous museums, the cathedral or even the botanical gardens and parks. Cambridge was definitely a considerable difference to the boring town of Lima, and the seclusion of Mount Highmore Academy.

With such a full schedule at college, Lena certainly couldn’t make the engagement party for one Mike Matthews and Imra Ardeen. Lena was absolutely shocked upon hearing the news that former playboy, Mike Matthews was actually engaged. Lena figured Mike would never settle down, at least not so soon anyway.

She also figured Mike would be playing professional football by now, but apparently people definitely aren’t who she thought they’d be. She didn’t know what happened, and frankly she didn’t care what happened to Mike along the way which caused him to end his dreams of playing football, Lena was more concerned about why she was invited to the party in the first place.

Mike and Lena were never _friends_ , acquaintances maybe, given they had mutual friends and interests, but they were never officially _friends_. Even if they were friends, it’s not as though Lena could attend in the first place. It seemed people were continually proving Lena wrong in who they were, and Mike was _definitely_ a surprise.

Lena tried not to be envious of Mike, or this Imra woman. She was a Luthor, and Luthor’s are not envious of anyone, but it was only a matter of time before her other friends started to settle down, and Lena wanted nothing more than to be one of those people, to be able to express herself to someone else. Lena wanted nothing more than to love, and to be loved.

She had that opportunity once, and everyday she was reminded that she lost it.

* * *

 

**Three & A Half Yesrs Later**

If Lena had known how much hard work her degree was going to be, she would have reconsidered. She knew it would be hard, but not as hard as it turned out to be. Lena was by no means a slacker when it came to studying, particularly for exams. One would not find Lena Luthor on a tea break at all when she was studying for exams. She was nothing if not dedicated to achieving perfect results, but studying was all she seemed to be doing lately.

Her social life, or lack there of was completely non-existent, because what even is a social life? How does one social? The first year hadnt been so bad when it came to studying, but second year was just horrific. Lena was held up in her dorm room for hours each night alone, going over the content she had learnt during the day. That didn’t even begin to explain the time she devoted on the weekends to studying.

If Lena didn’t come from a wealthy family, and had to work a part time job while studying, she wouldn’t have a clue what to do. This was one of the few times Lena was thankful for coming from a notoriously rich family, the other was being accepted into MIT. Lena doubted that if her last name was ‘Smith’, and she came from an average family, she would have been successful.

MIT was known for producing prodigee’s, not your average Joe. But being a Luthor wasn’t always as glorious as it sounded like. Many people were afraid to even approach Lena out of fear or intimidation, in fact, most wouldn’t touch a Luthor with a ten foot pole. The Luthor name carried weight, weight enough to destroy a person and their family within a snap of their fingers.

The Luthor’s were powerful, but like so many who jumped to conclusions, the Luthor’s were one of the most kindest, compassionate families of wealth. L-Corp funded many institutions like MIT, hospitals and charities. L-Corp wasn’t just changing the world in technology, they were changing the world on a compassionate level aswell.

Due to her last name though, apart from a few people in her lectures and tutorials, Lena didn’t really have many friends at college. Most of the time, she was really only talking to Sam, or her parents, or Lex.

But college wasn’t exactly about making friends. Sure the memories of friendships wouldn’t hurt down the track, but Lena didn’t choose MIT based on popularity, or the amount of friends she would make, it was purely educational, and if being alone all the time was what it took to do well, then Lena was up for. Plus, she didn’t mind the solitude, because while her dorm mates were out partying, Lena was solving equations in a matter of minutes that most couldn’t solve in an hour.

Her downtime proved very beneficial, as Lena had already finished reading the third year, and fourth year syllabuses. The extra knowledge helped tremendously in the content being taught in second year. It was as though Lena’s brain was hardwired to understand, analyse and complete complex equations that even many fourth years would struggle with. She had even corrected a few of her lecturers on their calculations, not because they were incorrect, but because they didn’t always provide the most direct and efficient way to solve an equation.

Caught up in her world of studying and equations, Lena was completely oblivious to the outside world, so it came as a shock when she found out Jeremiah Danvers had been in an accident. Jeremiah Danvers, her second father almost, Lena was in a state of complete shock.

She couldn’t even begin to process how Kara might have been feeling, and she wanted nothing more than to be able to comfort Kara, but Kara wasn’t hers to comfort anymore. Besides, Kara probably had so many people already offering their condolences.

 _But nobody would mean it the way I do_ , Lena thought.

First her biological parents, now one of her adoptive parents. The man took her in when she lost everything. How much loss can someone go through in their life, and so close to Christmas aswell. Lena was absolutely devastated when Lillian called her one Saturday night to break the news.

The next series of weeks seemed to pass without a trace, apart from the article that Lena read tributed to Jeremiah and the work he’d done at Midvale University. Her Facebook feeds were full of posts of support for the remaining Danvers family. Lena couldn’t help her selfish nature when she looked for any kind of tag to Kara’s profile on those posts, and she was disappointed to see that there was none.

There was definitely no way to contact Kara now, even if Lena wanted to. Unless she did something drastic to show Kara that she cared, to show Kara how truly sorry she is for her loss. Kara wouldn’t want sympathy, nor would she want empathy. No one could even begin to try and feel what Kara must be feeling, or compare themselves to what Kara was feeling.

So Lena would have to think out of the box for a way to honour Jeremiah and his memory for years to come. Having come up with an idea, Lena phoned her father to make it possible. And Lena was pleased to hear in the beginning of the new year, that Midvale University would be offering a free ride scholarship, the Jeremiah Danvers scholarship to one individual each year who possessed the qualities of community, compassion, charity, devotion, and academic excellence.

The scholarship was anonymously funded by L-Corp, and Kara would never know that Lena had chosen to honour Jeremiah like this. It was as much for Lena and her family, aswell as Kara’s. Jeremiah was a friend, and father to everyone, not just his immediate family.

But funding a scholarship wasn’t enough for Lena, there was something missing. She needed to see Kara, at least once in all of this, she had to know that Kara would be okay, and that Kara would be strong.

Lena opted to attend Jeremiah’s funeral service incognito. No one would have to know she’s there, that wasn’t the point. It was a way of paying her respects to Jeremiah a final time, but also to be able to see Kara. The service was everything that Lena hoped would happen for her own funeral. Family and friends filled the piers and benches to pay their respects to an incredible man.

But down the front at the centre of it all stood Kara. Alex was wrapped up in black coat with Maggie, and Eliza’s gaze was focused on the ground, her eyes red but her face steeled, like every ounce of happiness had drained from her body.

As Kara took place at the podium, her family not at all in a condition to speak, Lena noticed the redness and puffiness of her eyes. She took Kara in, her hair which was now a beautiful blonde colour that suited her complexion, her angelic but pale features, the broken glint in her eyes, and the slouch of her posture, imitating someone in defeat. She was by all means still the most beautiful person Lena had ever laid eyes upon, but this wasn’t the Kara that Lena knew.

 _No_. There was something missing, of course there would be. In all her years of knowing Kara, Lena could read her like a book. Kara was incredibly strong, and she probably fooled most people at the service, but Lena could see that Kara was hollow inside, and it broke Lena even further to see the woman she still loved was trying so hard to remain strong for the people _she_ loved.

With Lena, Kara didn’t need to be strong. It physically ached for Lena not to be able to reach out and touch Kara, to comfort Kara. It was like an emotional torture not being able to do anything, because Kara _wasn’t_ hers.

“Jeremiah Danvers, a father, a husband, a son, a teacher, and a friend to us all. There was nothing that Jeremiah couldn’t do, or couldn’t be. In fact, he would be whatever it was you needed, whenever you needed it. That was one of the many great things about Jeremiah, he was there, always...”

Kara spoke her eulogy, and Lena couldn’t help but mirror the tears streaming down Kara’s face. It wasn’t even Lionel who died, but Lena felt as though she had lost a father. She wiped her eyes furiously, and when Kara’s eulogy finished, Lena noticed Kara looking around the benches, as if looking for someone.

Lena hid away behind a corner, peaking around to get another look at Kara, it having looked like Kara didn’t find the person she wanted. And while Lena knew it couldn’t be true, part of her hoped that it was her that Kara was looking for.

“I’m right here, Kara” Lena whispered, “I’m right here”.

 

* * *

**Four & A Half Years Later**

If there was one thing Lena hated more than the snobby red head in her Advanced Physics lecture, it would be the media and tabloids. The red head, Rhonda, was one thing, and she could be dealt with at least. Every chance she could get, Rhonda had the nerve to question Lena’s contribution in class discussions, and try to condescend the answers Lena would give.

Rhonda liked to be the centre of attention, and whenever Lena contributed useful information to the class, Rhonda liked to try and top Lena, or tell Lena to stop using Wikipedia to get all her trivial facts.

She was perhaps Lena’s biggest rival at MIT, but Rhonda was only jealous because Lena was topping the classes and she was coming second. Maybe also because Lena was stunning with her porcelain complexion, raven hair and green eyes, whereas Rhonda still hadn’t grown out of her acne. Maybe Rhonda hated all the extra attention Lena got due to her looks.

Maybe if Rhonda didn’t have such a negative attitude, she might actually be attractive for once, but no. Intead, Rhonda held a ‘mightier than thou’ attitude, and she strutted around campus, as best she could Lena would say, and behaved like she was God’s gift to the world. It was as though her petty mind didn’t realise she was an adult in an adult environment, not an adolescent in high school.

That was probably Lena’s favourite thing about being in college, everyone was equal. There was no queen bee, or clique of girls who walked around and made fun of the academically graced students. There was no bullying or degrading comments or actions. There was very little disrespect, and everyone actually acted their age. It was a mature and welcoming environment, a far cry from high school.

Rhonda had even had the audacity to alter some of Lena’s work during a group assignment, stating that her work was better and Lena would be bringing the team grade down. Lena was about ready to deck the snoby troll, but instead reminded Rhonda who it was that was topping the classes. _Not_ Rhonda that’s for sure.

So maybe Lena had been a little competitive, and maybe she had made it her sole mission to be better than Rhonda in all of their classes. It only seemed to make Rhonda’s raging face resemble her hair colour, which was always a glorious sight. It was a small win in Lena’s large book of victories, and any win was a good win, especially when it came to Rhonda.

During one of her Skype calls with Sam, the brunette suggested that Rhonda was alway so uptight because she fancied Lena, which was why she was acting out a majority of the time. Lena visibly cringed at the idea, but laughed with Sam none the less. Sam’s presence was definitely one that Lena missed tremendously. Her’s, and of course Kara’s.

No matter how much time passed since that day, or space that was put between them, Lena came to the conclusion that she could never be over Kara. The now blonde beauty would always hold a special place in Lena’s heart, no matter how much Lena wished she didn’t.

The Danver’s family still hadn’t known about who funded the scholarship in Jeremiah’s name, and Lena hoped it would stay that way. She definitely didn’t need Kara thinking it was an act of pity, it was the complete opposite. Although, Lillian had almost caved during a phone call to Eliza, but recovered quickly and Eliza remained none the wiser.

Although, secretly, Lena thought Eliza knew, but was just too kind to say anything if the Luthor family didn’t want to admit to it. Eliza was always smart at reading people, and discovering the things people wished she wouldn’t.

Along with frequently calling Eliza to see how she was holding up, there came a swag of information about the Danvers’ girls, which Lillian promptly passed on to Lena. Apparently Kara was studying Journalism at National City University, which was quite a surprise because Lena always figured Kara would take her shots on broadway, she certainly had the looks, and definitely the talent.

She also heard Alex, still with Maggie, had been following in Eliza’s footsteps, but wouldn’t tell anyone who she worked for. Lena had gotten all the memorable gossip from Lillian about how the Danvers family had actually formed a major petting pool to see who could find out Alex’s employers. Some government agency was what they had come up with.

Lena was happy that Alex was still in a relationship with Maggie, they were practically her favourite otp in high school. She was secretly rooting for them while waiting for the wedding invitations. She was also glad that Maggie, while still a uniform, had aspirations to become a detective. At least Lena would have someone to call if she ever secretly decided to make her Rhonda daydreams a reality, Maggie would know what to do.

But along with that surprising and welcoming news came some much more unwelcoming. Kara had been happily seeing someone for quite some time now, and Lena couldn’t help but feel betrayed and bitter. She knew it was unrealistic to think like that as the pair hadn’t spoken in years, and she didn’t have a claim on Kara by any means.

One of the many things revolving around Kara that would not change was that Lena would always want to be the person to make Kara happy, not someone else.

The idea that Kara was happy without Lena was just too much to bare. How many people had Kara even seen since Lena left, was it just the one, or two, or three, or even _more_? The thought left a distaste in Lena’s mouth. Surely Kara hadn’t been making the rounds with people, although her looks would certainly grab many people’s attention, girls and guys alike.

Had Kara really not been that effected when Lena left, so much that she was able to jump into relationships with ease? Even Lena hadn’t been in a relationship, and it had been years, that’s if she didn’t count that one hook up with Sam at boarding school.

Lena’s better angels could only hope though, that whatever Kara was doing, she was safe and happy, and that whoever she was dating was treating her right. Clearly they seemed to be from what Eliza had told Lillian. Happy without Lena, living life to the fullest. Even Lena wasn’t lucky enough to be truly happy anymore.

Instead, Lena was unblessed with the likes of Rhonda. Rhonda was a right pain in Lena’s backside, but she was a pain that was only temporary, and a pain that could be managed.

Tabloids on the other hand could not be dealt with. They were a different story altogether, and there wasn’t really much Lena could do about them. She was a Luthor, and anywhere a Luthor went, the tabloids went. It wasn’t so bad when Lena was going to school in Lima, her father or mother would usually be away in one of the many cities L-Corp was stationed, so it left Lena relatively at peace.

Even at boarding school Lena wasn’t bothered or pestered, the seclusion did help, but she was relative sheltered. It wasn’t until she graduated, and started going to MIT that things started getting overwhelming. But over the years, Lena had to of adjusted to the hounding of journalists and paparazzi, it was expected as the daughter of billionaire tech mogul Lionel Luthor.

Everything they did was under a microscope, was praised or scrutinised. Specifically Lionel, the man probably couldn’t even fart aloud in public without someone writing an article about it. _‘Lionel Luthor farts in public: both disrespectful & the released methane effects the integrity of our ozone’._

Lena had certainly noticed that her father had aged considerably over the years of running L-Corp, mostly due to all the stress. What wasn’t expected was just how _short_ Lionel’s reign as CFO and CEO would be.

At first, Lillian had figured it was the stress or age, she was a doctor after all, and she knew that with age comes weakening of the senses. Lionel had started wearing prescription glasses years ago, which worked for a long time, until one day they didn’t.

While staying home in their Metropolis estate for semester break in her third year, Lena was sitting by the kitchen island flicking through the newspaper. Lionel was dicing the vegetables, Lillian was stiring the curry, and Lex was working the record player. Lena was soaking up the company and normalcy of being home again with her family, thankful she still had her family who was healthier than ever.

She was reminiscing of the times the family spent together when it was just the four of them. When Lionel wasn’t constantly busy with L-Corp, when Lillian wasn’t flying across the nation and globe to perform life saving surgeries, and when Lex hadn’t disappeared off to college, then to pursue his career to study the stars.

Lena missed the familial memories more than she could have imagined. Part of her wished that she hadn’t grown up at all, at least back then everything was easy, and she was surrounded by everyone she loved all the time, Kara included. Back then, she wasn’t a hormonal teenager who blurted out to her best friend that she loved her, or she wasn’t moving across the country for some kind of immature revenge.

It was hilarious to think that back then, Lena wanted nothing more than to grow up. But now that she was grown _up_ , she wanted nothing more than to grow _down_. She missed the days of making furniture forts with her father, or learning to make her favourite foods with her mother, or playing hour long chess matches with Lex.

She missed the family trips they would take, whether to the mall, or across the country. She missed the adventures, the spontaneity and overall solace of being with her family so often.

But most of all, she missed her home. For Lena, a house wasn’t home. A house was just a series of bricks, timber and cement all woven together to make a structure. A house was fragile, it could be bent, broken, sold and re-sold. A house was only temporary, but a home was forever.

Home was not constituted by a structure, rather the people in it, her family and loved ones. Wherever they were was home. A house was good to live in, but the people are what make it a home. And Lena missed her home, and all the times she took having a home for granted, because lately it was only Lena and herself. But that’s just a part of growing up. You have a home, you leave home, and you make a new home with new people, and the cycle repeats.

Lena was immediately startled from her reminiscent thoughts and nostalgia when she heard a shrill shriek that came from Lionel. She looked up to see red, red everywhere, blood everywhere covering Lionel’s hand, the vegetables and the chopping board. Lillian reacted in an instant, wrapping a towel around Lionel’s hand to help control the bleeding, and the family rushed Lionel to emergency for stitches.

Her father was lucky he didn’t slice any major ligaments or nerves, but that wasn’t what the family was worried about. Lionel admitted that when cutting the vegetables, for a few seconds he couldn’t see. It wasn’t long, but that’s all it took for the terrible to happen. He explained it as seeing nothing except a cover of blankness, almost like blinking, if blinking took a few seconds. The doctors had been urging the family to have head CT’s and occular tests, but that wasn’t necessary, the family knew exactly what was happening.

There was a recessive gene that was passed through generations and generations of Luthors which predominantly effected the men in the family. Back then the doctors didn’t have a name for it, but they did today, Choroideremia. Each Luthor is tested for the gene at twenty five years of age, and Lionel’s testing had been negative for the mutated gene, at least that’s what they thought.

He had recurrent tests every five years just to be safe, but his most recent results were not what the family had been expecting. It was a relatively dormant and slowly progressive mutation of a single gene, until the symptoms appeared, then it became rapidly progressive. During his last check up, the specialists only estimated Lionel a couple of years until he would be legally blind, that was a two years ago.

Afraid for the rest of his family, Lionel had Lex and Lena tested shortly after the incident, and both children were presented with a recessive strand of the gene, therefore they inherited and carried the gene, but it wasn’t active.

The mutation was slow, causing Lionel difficulties in seeing certain distances, and difficulties with peripheral vision. Then it became difficult for Lionel to see at night, even with his prescribed glasses. Eventually Lionel had to surrender his license, and the freedom that came with driving. Then, Lionel surrendered his vision almost completely.

In the months following the incident, Lena watched as Lionel lost a little bit of his sight week by week, and eventually his career, having to step down from his role of CEO at L-Corp, and boy did the tabloids have a field day.

There was a lot of speculation on why Lionel retired as CEO, most speculations revolving around harassment, alcohol or drug use. But out of everything the tabloids speculated, they never actually guessed that Lionel could be stepping down due to illness.

The assumptions had become so bad and degrading to the entire family, that eventually Lionel was forced to release a statement to clear their name from media made suicide. Lionel had issued a statement release inside of the Metropolis L-Corp building one evening for all the major news outlets. The statement was broadcast live as Lionel read;

“It is with regret that I have to inform the public of my departure from L-Corp. I have lived with a degenerative eye condition for my entire life, and I have stood by L-Corp for as long as I could, but for the betterment of the company, I am stepping down as CEO, and giving the company to my eldest child, and son, Alexander Luthor”.

The crowd was in uproar with lights flashing in every direction, arms held out with microphones at the ready for anything else the former CEO would say. The family promptly left after Lionel’s statement, being hounded by paparazzi from their building to Limo.

Lena did all she could to put herself in between the media and her father, giving him some release from the hounding. After successfully reaching their Limo and helping her father inside, Lena turned to face the cameras.

“Lena! Can you tell us about your Father?—

“Will Alexander remain as L-Corp’s new CEO?—

“What does this mean for L-Corp’s future in the business market?—

“Is your father dying?!—

Lena sighed deeply, scowling at the reporter who had the nerve to ask if her father way dying. The reporter audibly gulped under Lena’s intense gaze.

“We’d like to ask that the media respects our privacy in this difficult time. As for L-Corp, it is a continuously expanding and thriving company, and it has been passed on into good hands. This family will see too it that the Luthor legacy will live on despite the current circumstances of our founder. No further comments will be given at this time, Thankyou.”

Before any further questions could be asked, Lena sunk back into the Limo, avoiding the worst. Little did she know that the worst was still yet to come.

 

* * *

**Five & A Half Years Later**

If at the beginning of the year, Lena was asked to rank the quality of her year so far on a scale from one to ten, Lena would say ten. If asked again at the end of the year, her answer would be much different.

Like the beginning of every year, their was a trivial atmosphere everywhere Lena went. Students were still settling down into the swing of college, having just come back from Christmas break, and New Years festivities. Lena had spent Christmas with her family, then New Years with Sam, having ventured to the Colorado mountains for a nice getaway with the Arias family at their cabin. It was a considerable difference to the hype of when she returned to campus for semester two.

The campus was still buzzing with decorations, stalls with Christmas knitted clothes and gifts which didn’t quite sell out, Christmas baked goods, raffle draws, and more. It was hectic, like orientation week all over.

Lena made sure to purchase one of every sweater she could find, being the sap for Christmas she was, but also to support her local charity and all. She had even gone as far to purchase a Christmas themed coffee maker for her new dorm room. At the beginning of the semester, Lena had successfully purchased one of the larger accommodations on campus. After a group of the sixth year students graduated early, they left an apartment sized dorm room which Lena quickly snavelled up.

Don’t get her wrong, Lena didn’t mind the cramped up lifestyle she lived in for the first few years. Even though her parents insisted on paying for a proper apartment off campus before Lena started her degree, she was adamant about getting the full college experience, no special treatment.

But that mindset ended quite quickly after Lena found out of a new addition to her dorm room, Rhonda. Lena promptly packed up and took the larger dorm from the graduated students where Rhonda most definitely would not be. Too much of Rhonda was not good for Lena’s soul.

The silence of the dorm only made studying that much more easy, as opposed to having a group of rowdy students trying to understand a single equation when Lena had completed them all.

Much like before, most of Lena’s time was spent studying for her classes, not that she needed to study, she just wanted to be thorough, and to top Rhonda in all their classes, again. Second semester of fourth year was again another milestone in Lena’s degree. The first semester of first year was the semester that would either make or break the future engineers.

Many students dropped out sometime within the first year, but those who stuck with it would usually hold on until fourth year finished. While most engineer’s were more desirable with a doctorate and specialisation, those who competed four years of study were still qualified as generic engineer’s.

Luckily for Lena though, the new friends she had made were continuing on into their masters and doctorate, unluckily, Rhonda would be joining them. As if joining her old dorm room wasn’t enough, Rhonda had to decide to continue on with her degree. Maybe Sam was right, Rhonda seemed to be everywhere that Lena was, maybe Rhonda did indeed fancy Lena.

It was becoming increasingly awkward around the red head, as she had weasled her way into Lena’s friendship group aswell, meaning Lena had to deal with her on a more frequent basis. She had escaped her old dorm for a reason, but even that couldn’t keep the spread of Rhonda at bay. She was a contagious snob.

If there was ever an event at the Olympics for self restrain, Lena would win gold medal. She wanted nothing more than to run Rhonda down in her four by four Volvo, sure that she could escape with a charge of only manslaughter, or in Rhonda’s case, pigslaughter. But then there was also the con that Rhonda would end up scratching Lena’s Volvo if she did that, and that just couldn’t happen. Lena loved her Volvo, loved her Volvo, and she would rather a scratch on Rhonda’s already fugly face than on her Volvo.

Maybe Lena was a bit harsh on Rhonda, but the girl was practically her mortal enemy. Questioning Lena every where and anywhere she could, shoving Lena intentionally, altering Lena’s work in group assignments, Rhonda was lucky that Lena didn’t report her to the Dean for expulsion of the course. But when it came to her Volvo and Rhonda, Rhonda would lose every time.

It was a gift from her brother, shortly after he took the reigns at L-Corp, Lex decided to be charitable, and donated millions of the companies earnings to charity. Not that L-Corp didn’t already support multiple charities worldwide, Lex just decided to do extra, after all, L-Corp was a multi billion dollar tech empire, one of the largest in the world. The company could certainly afford to give away millions to charity.

Part of taking the reigns of L-Corp meant a gargantuan increase in salary, and Lex decided to use his personal money aswell to bring happiness to everyone he could, including funding many students education at MIT, and buying Lena the new Volvo she had her eye on since Christmas. Lex was tempted to buy Lena the dog she had always wanted, but figured Lena could do that when she wasn’t trying to finish her degree, the Volvo seemed like a better fit anyway. Lena was able to drive around campus, then around Cambridge, and the entire of Massachusetts if she pleased.

Lena was unsure of why Lex was being so charitable, the man did have a heart of gold, but Lena couldn’t help but feel as though there was another reason, a reason she couldn’t quite place, but bugged her none the less. Lex was a kind soul, much like an old grandpa. Everything he did was out of habit and impulse, not necessarily needing a reason, but when Lena asked him for one, he simply said “I just want to help people”, then smiled that goofy grin that was so Lex Luthor.

Lena had known her brother her entire life, she knew his likes, dislikes, his ticks, she knew when he wasn’t telling her the truth. It was frustrating really, considering Lena told Lex everything. He was the only person in the family that actually knew what happened between her and Kara.

Lex was her big brother, her person, and he was hiding something for some reason that Lena so desperately wanted to know. What if Lex was in trouble? Or worse, _dying?_ Lena couldn’t shake the thought away and she was equally intrigued as she was afraid. She didn’t take Lex’s word for a second when he insisted everything was fine, but with Lena’s constantly growing schedule, she didn’t have time to wonder about why her brother was acting off.

She had been working like a madwoman the entire semester, having applied for a few jobs on campus so she wasn’t isolated the entire time. She applied at the student connect offices called ‘AskMIT’, and the campus bar as a bartender. Lena had gotten some hefty tips from many of the overconfident young men who didn’t know her last name, nor that she was a lesbian. Those who did know Lena found it hilarious, and made sure to be at the bar each time Lena had a shift, just so they could watch her have to turn down yet another cocky guy.

Although, being a bartender did have its merits. On occasion, Lena had some flirty banter with one of the other bartenders, Veronica Sinclair, aswell as some attractive, clearly gay customers. Lena might have met a few of them after hours and taken them back to her dorm room. She realised she missed out on her early rebellious years due to her conflicting feelings about Kara, but when Lena realised how easy it was to charm an attractive girl, she took full advantage of it, giving them the ultimate Luthor experience.

Not that Lena got around to every Mary, Kate and Jane. Most of the time it was getting drunk, making out, then Lena would pleasure the girl she brought home. Rarely did she ever actually let anyone go down on her, she had standards after all, cravings that no girl could satisfy, not since Kara.

That’s why Lena kept her inanimate best friend under the bed, a present from Sam as joke from when Sam had graduated. She didn’t want Lena to be lonely without her, Sam was always thoughtful like that.

Working also became another thing Lena could do to take her mind off the fact that her father was going blind. Honestly, she had been absolutely busting for a break, and it just so happened that the only break she was given fell directly in between her exam period. She was livid to say the least.

She not only had the stress of exams on her shoulders, but the stress of being accepted into her graduate degree to continue engineering doing a masters and eventually a doctorate. Realistically, Lena knew she wouldn’t have a problem, she’d had been sitting on a high distinction average, but still not having heard a formal word back on her acceptance just added to the stress.

But, Lena being the stubborn Luthor she was, was prepared to attend the house warming party of one Mike Matthews, who had settled down even further and was the proud father of two girls. Lena was packing her bags full of clothes for a few nights she’d need in National City when she received a phone call from her mother.

It was as though her nightmare became reality, when Lillian informed Lena that Lex had feinted at the office. For months Lex had been keeping a deadly secret from everyone, which his family were only finding out about now when it was too late. It explained why he felt the need to be so kind publicly, making all those generous donations. Lena knew what kind of man he was, but the public didn’t know him anywhere near as well. They only saw him as Lionel Luthor’s son, and the new CEO of L-Corp. The public hadn’t had time to form their opinions on him, so Lex helped them to.

He helped them so that he could be remembered when he wasn’t around anymore, as though he thought being remembered by his family wasn’t enough. Alexander Luthor was _dying_.

Lena sent word over to Mike and his wife, informing them she couldn’t make it due to personal reasons. She organised for a gift to be sent to their address, upset she could be there in person. But there were more important things she had to be doing. Lena promptly booked a flight to Metropolis, the journey not having passed fast enough.

* * *

 

 

**Six & A Half Years Later**

However much Lena thought she missed her family before, she could never prepare for how much she would miss them now. The first few months were tolerable, and Lex at least still had some resemblance of a life. He moved in with Lionel and Lillian, allowing his family to look after him until they couldn’t anymore. Lex would keep up his regular appearance at L-Corp’s metropolis offices, and occasionally made public appearances for the sake of the company.

He was quite the actor, and no one even suspected a thing. He was given medication to help with pain, which was working fine, until one day it didn’t. In a matter of months, Lex had deteriorated significantly into a portion of the man he used to be. Just when Lena thought her brother couldn’t get any worse, she found him one morning, gargling and suffocating in his own blood.

Lex was rushed to hospital that morning, Lena disregarding the flashing and noises coming from the intrusive media outlets, never leaving his side. Even in sickness the only thing tabloids cared about was their story. She had expected this partly, she knew Lex had rejected treatment, but who can really ever come to terms with the fact that their brother is dying. Lex had initially opted for treatment, but when the first few rounds of radiation and chemotherapy failed to work, the doctors suggested pumping Lex full of more chemotherapy and radiation.

He was a smart man, and he knew full well the complications of such aggressive treatment. And like any decision a Luthor makes, he made it with his head, and not his heart. The treatment wouldn’t kill him quicker than the cancer would, but at least without the treatment he was still Lex Luthor.

Taking the treatment would not only strip Lex of every he had achieved, but everything he was. Eventually the treatment would stop working again, and for what? To gain a few more pain filled months?

Knowing that Lex was at least at peace with himself gave Lena some reassurance, but it didn’t mean she was at peace with any of it.

Lena wondered why, while she was watching her brother deteriorate, why he didn’t say anything earlier, or why he didn’t seek treatment earlier. It may have helped him, cured him into remission even, but his answer was simple. The survival rate for those diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia was low, and he’d rather live a shorter, fulfilling life, than a longer, and painful life.

Sometimes Lena thought it was selfish, the way Lex didn’t bother to talk to anyone, not even letting his family know he was at least sick, much more rejecting treatment. She even hated her brother in that moment, she hated him so much, but ultimately it was his choice. She remembered that everything Lex did was always consequence of thought, and once Lex’s mind was set to a descision, it rarely ever changed.

Lex didn’t want to live a painful life wishing he was dead, he would rather die in peace, knowing that he had done all he possibly could in his short time of living.

She also wondered why her? What had Lena done to become so unlucky. Realistically, she knew she had a blessed life, a life most people dreamt of, and there were people out there who had suffered more than she ever would. Lena wasn’t even the person who was dying, but when Lex was dead, that was it. Lex wouldn’t know what it felt like to lose everything, Lex wouldn’t know that pain because he’d be dead.

It was the people that remained who had to deal with that loss, and the void it would create in each of their lives after Lex’s passing. No, Lex had the easy way out, all he had to do was close his eyes, but Lena, she had to deal with losing the most important person in her entire life, the centre of her universe.

This kind of pain was nothing like the pain Lena felt when losing Kara. Kara was her family, her best friend, but as harsh as it sounds, best friends can be replaced to a degree, and the pain can subside. But brother’s, you only get what you’re given. Brother’s do not come back, they are not replaced, when they’re gone, they are _gone_. In her angriest times, Lena hated the world, and hated her life for being so cruel, and for continuously taking away people she loved.

First the world had stripped her father of his eye sight, Lionel wouldn’t even get to see his son for a final time, he only had his memories of what Lex looked like. At least Lionel didn’t have to see Lex how he was now, Lena sometimes wished she was blind so she didn’t have to either. She didn’t want to remember Lex like this, but she did.

Then the world had stripped Lex of his life. What’s next? Stripping her mother of her brain? It would be ironic, considering she was a neurosurgeon. But so far, all that seemed to be happening in Lena’s bitter life was that the world just kept on taking, no matter how much Lena gave, it just kept on taking. Eventually there would be nothing left, and it was a decaying feeling knowing the world was against her.

Lena changed the specifics of her course, the college allowing her to take her classes online while she spent as much time as she could with Lex. For her final two years, Lena chose to major in biomedicine, and minor in nanotechnology. Lena was able to make it through the majority of her fifth year, until things took a turn for the worst.

He had stayed in the hospital for a few weeks, until the medical staff ran out of options. Lex was discharged and taken back home for a few months, given some medications to help the pain, until being home was just too much for him. Lex was then moved to a hospice about a year after telling his family he was sick. He was bathed, massaged, given only light fluids to help the passing process along. He was kept in a warm room, and in complete comfort until his final minutes.

As Lena sat by Lex’s bed during his final hours, and during his final breath, his body frail and malnourished, deathly pale and with a cool sweat despite the environmental comfort, Lena could only hope that whatever came next was better than the sick world they lived in. She could only pray that it was better than this, because if heaven did exist, this sure was the hell.

Then the heart monitor became a single monotonous sound, and Lena let the tears fall like they never had before.

* * *

**Seven & A Half Years Later**

The days went by slower than ever, the hours seemingly doubling, as if to prolong the pain Lena felt each second from sunrise to sunset. She had been throwing herself into work, acting as the temporary CEO after her brother’s passing was the break Lena so desperately needed. But even then, it still wasn’t enough.

Lena juggled the rest of her degree for the last few months, while acting as CEO in Lex’s place. Her family was too distraught to appoint someone from the company, so the position fell to Lena. When graduating with her PhD, Lena found herself scanning through the crowd of people, inadvertently looking for Lex, before she remembered he wasn’t there. Her graduation just didn’t feel so special anymore.

The only true break she had from the pain was when she was asleep, but still, it wasn’t enough. The press and Paparazzi had been relentless since word got out of Lex’s death, hounding Lena and her parents at every possible turn. Since the private, open casket funeral they held, Lillian and Lionel had blocked themselves out from the world, locking themselves away in their estate in Metropolis.

Lena had taken the high rise pent house, allowing her parents to mourn the death of their eldest child alone, but also because she knew she would never be able to set foot in that house again without feeling like the world was crumbling around her. All the memories she had of Lex would be tainted if she did. She had even gone as far to hire body guards to escort her to and from her building and Limo, then to her office and back again.

The shear disrespect of the media and news outlets was something Lena couldn’t comprehend. She wished, in her twisted thoughts that every single person who had hounded her or her parents would just disappear off the face of the earth, or be diagnosed with some horrible, terminal disease. It would be one less pig to worry about. Or that maybe their families would disappear, so that they would know how it felt to lose everything.

All they cared about was their next story, the next sighting of a broken Luthor, the next quote they could get about the eldest Luthor child’s death. It was beyond disgusting and inhumane, and Lena wished the worst upon every single disgrace of a human that held a camera and chased her down the street.

If Lex were still alive, the big nerd would joke about how we could re-inact an _Avengers_ scene from the comics, where Thanos clicks his fingers, and everything just disappears. If Lena had that power, she would click her fingers without a second thought. Clearly the pigs with camera’s and microphones didn’t give a thought about what they were doing.

But Lex wasn’t alive, and everyday Lena was reminded of that, as if the people thought she would forget. Lex was buried in Metropolis’s cemetery, next to Lionel’s brother, Landon, who passed away from pancreatic cancer before either Luthor child was conceived.

After Lex’s heart gave out, his DNR remained intact, no matter how badly Lena wanted to scream at the doctors or nurses walking by, she knew it was in Lex’s wishes not to be revived. Lex’s will was carried through, his body being donated to Metropolis University for scientific study after the private funeral, all his research and doctorate thesis to be handed back to the university for educational purposes, then all his materialistic belongings to be sold, and the money donated to charity, apart from a few specific sentimental items which were to be returned to his family.

The days bled into weeks, and Lena found herself consumed in her work, ignoring her parents and ignoring Sam. The brunette had tried on multiple occasions to contact Lena, but Lena had ignored her at every turn. Not even Sam could help her this time, this wasn’t like Kara, this was a different kind of pain altogether.

Lena had learned to move on from Kara, and at least the girl was still alive, Lex on the other hand, Lena mourned. A few weeks after the funeral, Lena got in contact with tech billionaire Maxwell Lord. The man had called Lena’s offices, offering his condolences, but also his interest in some of Lena’s research on nanotechnology and how it can be used to recognise mutated cells in the body, which she completed for her published doctorate thesis.

Since being officially coronated as the official CEO of L-Corp after her graduation, Lena had been doing extensive research on stem cell, and bone marrow transplants for leukemic patients aswell. After a confidential chat with Max, Lena had decided to move offices to National City where Lord Technologies were stationed.

Lena couldn’t save her brother, she knew that, but she would make damn sure his death would not be in vein. Over the course of a few months, Lena and Max had been successfully designing a device, similar to what Lena‘s thesis revolved around, but ground breaking all the same.

Her departure from Metropolis also meant her departure from the media, and while she was still questioned in National City, it was considerably less.

Max had the idea of holding a memorial service for Lex in the late autumn, shortly after Lena moved to National City. Many people showed up to pay their respects to Lex, the former CEO of L-Corp, but a lot also showed to get a glimpse of the new CEO. Lena had waited though, for the right time to visit.

It was late afternoon on the final day of the memorial. The golden leaves covered the pavement, the air was crisp and chilly, and the sun had partially set over the horizon. Lena exited her black limo, Max in tow, and they went to deliver a single rose each by the memorial. As much of an egotistical ass Max was, he knew how to comfort someone, and he knew when to shut up.

Lena assumed his frequent personality was a cover up to a dark past, as he seemed to empathise with Lena’s loss. Lena was glad though that so many people had showed their support in Lex’s passing, it seemed Lex was remembered the way he wanted to be.

But as Lex’s legacy will always live on, Lena had to make one for herself. At the end of the year, Lena and Max had organise a press conference to tease the release of their current project. There was a lot of speculation around the pair, as many people had seen Max and Lena together. Rumours consisted mostly of a secret romance, which Lena found hilarious given her sexuality.

Max was not opposed to deny that rumour, always one to be cheeky with the tabloids. More people showed to the conference than expected, but Lena couldn’t quite catch a glimpse of the one person she wanted to. Since moving to National City, Lena had remembered Kara was working here, and for CatCo, given the numerous small articles Lena had seen in the paper. Kara truly was a talented writer, and Lena hoped Kara had the opportunity to do more in her writing than just puff pieces, maybe Lena could put in a good word for Kara to Cat Grant.

Lena didn’t want to say she was stalking Kara at all, but she was definitely keeping tabs on Kara. Her interest got the better of her curiosity, and her curiosity told her that Kara was no longer dating Peter, which Lena had been excited about as part of her imagined she could have another chance with Kara, but that thought was promptly squashed when she found out Kara was dating yet again another man.

Even with her distaste in Kara’s sexual partners, Lena still held out on her hope. She hoped that Kara would reach out to her, it’s not as though Kara didn’t know Lena was in National City, it was all over the news, and Lena had read the piece Kara wrote on Lex’s memorial service.

But Kara hadn’t reached out either, so Lena didn’t know if it was the best of times, given Kara was otherwise occupied. But instead of seeing Kara’s familiar face for the first time since Jeremiah’s funeral, she saw an unfamiliar face take the reserved seat for a CatCo reporter.

Before she could dwell too much on not seeing Kara, she had completely mixed Max’s entire opening speech, and had to quickly make her way to the podium. It was any Luthor’s first formal public appearance since Lex’s death, and Lena was damned if she was going to make a fool of the family, and of herself on her big debut.

“Thankyou Max. L-Corp has always supported and funded the medicinal advancements of this country, but sadly, thousands of lives are still being taken each year from cancer, my brother Lex was one of them. In the new month, L-Corp’s funding to the American Cancer Research Association will triple, and we will be funding the treatment of patients in the National City Children’s hospital. With our new partnership with Lord Technologies, a new department will be opening in biomedicine and oncology which will be supervised by my mother, and board member Lillian Luthor. I cannot thank Maxwell Lord enough for his generous contribution to the foundation and department.”

Public speaking was never Lena’s forte, while she was good at performing, and held a lot of confidence in other tasks, public speaking was never her strong suit. So she was glad when she managed her speech without too many mistakes or stutters. The last thing she needed was to be written as a nervous and bumbling CEO, not ready for the role.

Even after the conference, when individual reporters were sent to interview Lena, she made sure she was ever intimidating. There were very few powerful people in National City, consisting of General Lane, Maxwell Lord, Morgan Edge, Cat Grant, and Lena’s former primary school beau Jack Spheer. Lena didn’t want the fact that she was a woman to undermine just how powerful she could be. Lena had organised a few coffee dates with Cat Grant to gain a few tips on how to handle the media in that way, and how not to be pegged as a damsel in distress whenever things got heated.

Her parents were proud to say the least, and Lionel couldn’t be more happy that L-Corp was left to Lena. In the months that followed, L-Corp and Lord Technologies continued on their research and project, preparing for what would become hopefully the most ground breaking invention of the decade.

* * *

**Eight & A Half Years Later**

Working with Max was eerily familiar, and almost like working with Lex. While Lex had been a tall, slender man, with a porcelain complexion and dark hair like Lena, he sported ocean blue eyes, the perfect contrast for Lena’s light green. Max on the other hand was of a slightly more stocky build, tanned complexion, and warm brown eyes. No to mention he was also more charming than Lex ever was, but he was an absolute genius, much like Lex.

While trying to keep their project and research under wraps from the press, Lena and Max would often have to spend long nights at Lord Technologies, or L-Corp to avoid the worst of the crowd. Particularly when the months started getting cooler again.

Max was bright, charming, and emitted a warmth that made Lena feel comfortable in every capacity, despite his arrogant facade. Max listened to every word Lena said, whether it was general conversation, or whether it was improvements on their work. Max paid the utmost attention to Lena, and on the rare occasions when they were caught off guard, he would put himself infront of Lena to avoid the questions she still received about Lex.

Max was caring and compassionate, all the things he usually avoided showing when it came to publicity. He was becoming more like a big brother with each passing week, but not everyone could say the same about Max, not really.

When Lena first heard about Max, it was from Sam during one of their Skype calls when Sam was telling Lena of early admissions and mock applications. Lena remembered very well the disgusted look Sam gave when mentioning Max. Upon meeting Max for the first time in person, Lena had wanted to ask about Sam, but realised that wouldn’t be the best conversation starter.

So Lena kept quiet, until the perfect time arose, and arose it did. Lena had asked Sam to come to National City to take a look at their device, and discuss any legal controversies or issues that could potentially pose a threat to their invention or companies. That, and Lena needed a legal representative for all her affairs, and who better than the daughter of William and Marie Arias, the co-founders of Franklin, Routh and Arias.

The law firm was known nationally due to their representatives in major oiling, manufacturing and tech companies. Also because they had a minimum retainer of five-hundred-thousand dollars. If you had an issue, and needed it gone, leave it to Franklin, Routh and Arias.

Sam wasn’t exactly jumping for the stars either when she was in the company of Max while with Lena. Max on the other hand enjoyed every second of it, only causing Lena to be that much more curious.

“Samantha Arias? You just keeping getting better each time I see you” Max said coyly, smirking as Sam approached the working scientists.

Sam forced a tight lip smile, and nodded her head. “Always a pleasure to see you too, Max”.

“Pleasure is all mine” Max retorted, the smirk never leaving his face. “So what are you doing now? Besides checking up on me?”

“You only wish I was, _Maxine_.” Sam quipped. The smile on Max’s face dropped quicker than a dead fly, and was replaced with a scowl. “I’m actually here on business, as a representative on behalf of L-Corp. I deal with the legal ethics of business. So if you don’t mind, I will be doing my job to prevent your company from going down the shitter.” Sam began organising her papers out of her bag while Lena watched the pair humorously.

“Six year in law school to become a barista hey?” Max mumbled under his breath.

“ _What?_ ” Sam snapped her head to face Max, fast enough that Lena could feel the residual whiplash.

“A barista, barrister— nevermind. You never did get my humour, Samantha. See to it that you finish quickly, your presence is a nuisance”.

Sam fixed the man with a scowl until he was out of view, and Lena couldn’t help but let out a chuckle she had been holding the entire time.

“What was that about?! I had a feeling you guys had issues but not like that!” Lena gushed.

Sam released a sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Long story short, his father dated my mother shortly after her divorce. He had an affair and left my mother for a younger women, and Max couldn’t care less, even after everything my mother did for him. So my mother remarried my father again to avoid financial disputes with the firm.”

Lena shook her head and apologised, definitely not expecting the answer she received. Even though she regretted her decision to invite Sam, she still knew Sam was the best person to represent L-Corp and Lord Technologies. More than that, Sam was a friend. Lena missed her friend, and had some making up to do after pushing Sam away after Lex’s death.

She knew Sam would’ve understood, and Sam wasn’t one to hold grudges, but she couldn’t help but feel guilty about the way she treated someone who had supported her at every turn. It was good to finally have that kind of support again, Lena would need it more than she knew.

* * *

The device had been coming along perfect, and Lena couldn’t help the pride she felt in herself for making her dream become reality. Their device was simple, yet revolutionary. It was a portable device that used the aid of nanotechnology to scan the skin, tissue, and blood for foreign bodies, cell mutations, cancer or any other disease.

The device was implanted with a permanent chip that connected directly to a mainframe at L-Corp which housed the data of every expected health requirement reading the device could perform. The mainframe allowed for any discrepancies on live testing to be recognised, and would then alert the user.

The device was beyond its years, and Lena couldn’t be more happy with the results that paid off from all the hard work she had put into it. But the development of her device wasn’t the only thing that had been putting Lena in a high mood.

Every so often, she would come across an article and set of photos in the papers about the work that Kara had been doing overseas. After her drinks with Cat, Lena subtly suggested that organising a trip like that for some reporters would be extremely beneficial for CatCo, aswell as the reporters who went.

Having already known Kara would volunteer without question, Lena was glad when she began to see her work had paid off, and Kara was now writing about issues that mattered. Her articles were fantastic, but it didn’t stop there.

Of course Lena knew when Kara had arrived back in the city, she noticed a blog on the internet created by none other than Kara Danvers. Lena couldn’t help herself when she opened her checkbook and donated a hefty amount to Kara’s blog. Kara certainly deserved all the support and more. However, Lena wished she could’ve donated Kara the money in person, but fate had other plans.

Instead, Lena had to remain focused for the unveiling of her joint device.

* * *

 

 

**Nine Years Later**

The day had finally come that would seal her fate to what kind of CEO she would be. Her father was a successful CEO, he knew people, how to engage with them and how to work with them. Lionel was smart, compassionate and always did things for the good of the world, even if it meant going against what was expected of him.

He had received a few scathing articles in his career, but Lionel never faltered with the bad press. He kept his head held high and never gave in, of course, that was a battle he couldn’t win when his eye sight began degenerating. Lex hadn’t really been CEO long enough to receive any kind of bad press, or have any kind of revealing.

But in the short time he was CEO, he kept the company running, which was more than enough considering his deteriorating health. In her worst moments, Lena hated her brother. Se hated Lex for not telling his family he was sick, she loathed his decision to keep such a thing hidden for so long.

She wondered why Lex would even take up being a temporary CEO in the first place if he knew he was dying, but Lillian had asked him to, and who was Lex to say no. That was the kind of man he was, even when dying, he still did what was asked of him, he still wanted to help people and make people proud of him, even if it killed him.

Lena was always proud of her brother though, and that was something she never got to tell him. Lillian had regretted asking Lex, thinking that with maybe less stress, Lex might have lived longer. But that was an unfair assumption. Lillian was better as a surgeon, she saved lives as a surgeon, and she would always be a better surgeon than a CEO.

So the responsibility had fallen onto Lena. Lena knew she couldn’t change the past, but she could change the future, which was why the day had come to release the device she had been working on with Lord Technologies.

Ever since Sam first spoke about Maxwell Lord before she moved to Highmore, Lena never imagined actually meeting him. She always wondered if there was ever anything between Max and Sam at some stage, there was always a tension whenever the pair were in the same room. As amusing as it was, Lena could help but let her invasive mind wonder. She always was a good sucker for gossip, some things just never change.

It was definitely a shock when she found out what the issue between them was, however it was always amusing when the pair were within company. It helped to settle Lena’s nerves about the unveiling.

Lena was pacing back and fourth, out of view from the cameras and flashing lights. This was the moment that was going to seal her fate as a CEO, and Lena would be damned if she wasn’t going to make the best impression. She had to, for her father’s sake, and her brothers. The Luthor legacy and L-Corp would not end with Lena because of a shocking failure of an invention, or because of a bad press experience. The Luthor legacy would not end because leva had bankrupted the company.

She knew the press had the power to destroy her career in the single print of an article. She never imagined the weight and stress she would carry upon adopting the role as CEO, but she would never give in, that’s for damn sure.

The sound of excited chatter, cameras flashing and equipment being set up was already engulfing Lena’s senses. She looked up to the stage and saw Lillian flash her a supportive smile. She drew a deep breath, then began ascending the stairs.

The noise only seemed to increase the closer she got to the stadium, but she did her best to drown out the worry and nerves that had been eating away at her.

As she began speaking, she let her eyes fall over the faces in the crowd. It was moments like this that her subconscious always took control, and she always found herself looking for a particular face, even though in reality she knew she would never see it. The action had come as kind of a habit, as a calming gesture. She imagined seeing Kara in the crowd, and it never failed to give her the mental motivation and support she needed.

Both women had come so far in their careers, Lena would know from checking up on Kara. But the thought of Kara never failed to help Lena in her stressful moments.

Her eyes kept scanning the multitude of faces while she recited her speech, until she glazed over a face she thought she recognised. A minor panic set in, and her voice slightly hitched. Imagining seeing Kara and actually seeing Kara were two very different things. Lena was always ready for the former, it was her go to move, but actually seeing Kara might well have formed a black hole in her stomach.

Lena covered her stutter with a small cough and a pardon, to which she received a few supportive chuckles. She back tracked to where she thought she saw the familiar face, but when she reached there, she couldn’t see over the other bodies. The only thing she could see was a mop of blonde hair pulled up into a casual style, it could have been any of the thousands of blonde reporters in the city.

It was as if the person had slumped into their chair and had hidden from view. Lena felt slightly disappointed, hoping that it wasn’t Kara who had just hidden from view, because why would Kara do that? The only reasonable explanation was that Kara hated her, and couldn’t stand to see her. That was too painful to think of. Either that, or all the imagining of Kara had effected her brain, and Lena seriously was hallucinating. So Lena continued her speech, and asked for questions at the end.

She tried to block out the nervous excitement that was bubbling away in her gut, and tried not to let her eyes inadvertently fall back to the same spot as if it were a magnet attracting her gaze. Kara did always have that effect.

The questions finished without a hitch, and overall it was as successful as it could be. Lena was proud, until she looked back to that familiar spot and saw the chair completely empty. She couldn’t help the frown that pulled to her lips, as if her subconscious knew something her conscious didn’t.

Before she could analyse any further, Maxwell Lord was infront of her and immediately engulfed her in a hug, congratulating her on a successful reveal. Lena tried paying attention to Max, smiling as wide as she could, convincingly feigning her interest, when in reality her eyes were following her mother who had made a beeline for the exit at the back of the hall. _Strange_.

Lena couldn’t sleep that night, she tossed and turned in her bed over and over again, she had never been so restless. The unsettling feeling was still buzzing in her gut around the person Lena thought she saw. Every time she closed her eyes she saw Kara’s sweet face, with her big blue eyes, her little button nose, and her pink kissable lips.

She scolded herself for what she was about to do next. She picked up her phone and dialed her assistants number, knowing full well that it was _late_. She scolded herself even more when Jess answered the phone, Lena would have to remind her to take a day off during the week as recompense. Jess really was a lifesaver.

In her husky midnight voice, Lena asked the one thing she knew she would regret when she wasn’t sleep deprived. “Hi, Jess. CatCo magazine, can you please ask for Kara Danvers if CatCo request interviews from now on”.

Jess sounded confused, but obliged none the less. Lena hung up the phone and curled into a ball, wondering what in the hell she had just done. She couldn’t call Jess now and tell her to undo what she just did. Instead, Lena lay awake, rocking herself in the foetal position the entire night, wondering what in the hell kind of a storm she had just created.

* * *

When Lena requested Kara Danvers from CatCo magazine, she didn’t think her request would be filled so soon. The following morning, Lena woke with a splitting headache, the result of getting zero to no sleep. She ordered herself a triple shot expresso from her favourite cafe since arriving at National City, Noonan’s, and started on her way to the office.

Lena smiled at her doorman, Howard, and greeted her first receptionist, Laura. She took the express elevator straight to the top floor, her floor, and greeted Jess with a small smile before entering the conference room. It wasn’t uncharacteristic for Lena to arrive at work when dawn had barely broke, she figured if she could finish all her work early, she could get some much needed sleep later in the day.

Around mid-morning, Lena had finished her third conference with some foreign investors for her new device. The articles that had already been released by the various news outlets had travelled rather quickly, and soon the news had broken past her National investors. Lena was just about done with the day, having to try extra hard just to keep up with some investors as her Cantonese was a tad rusty.

As she exited the conference room, Jess was standing by the door with a goofy looking grin on her face, Lena wondered how long she had been there for, and whether Jess’s grin was in mockery of her terrible Cantonese.

“You have a reporter here for an interview, Miss Luthor” Jess spoke, with an uncharacteristically high voice.

Lean began walking to her office, Jess following in tow. “So, who is this reporter” Lena asked, unphased, and uninterested.

“Umm—“

“You know I have another conference in fifteen?” Lena interrupted her assistant.

A small frown pulled pulled on Jess’s otherwise gleeful expression. “I can reschedule, Miss Luthor?” She asked, her voice dropping an octave.

Lena immediately back tracked, chalking Jess’s strange behaviour to their phone call last night. “No it’s fine. Where are they?”

“She’s already in your office Miss Luthor.” Jess informed, her smug grin settling comfortably back on her face. “Mr Carr says she’s one of their best.”

Lena stopped in her tracks and did a double take, Jess crashing into her back with a small apology. “Mr Carr? As in Snapper Carr?” Lena queried, her heart rate beginning to audibly thud in her chest.

“Yes, Miss Luthor. I’ll leave you to it” Jess responded smugly, scurrying away before Lena could murder her with her gaze alone.

Lena froze, knowing in an instant who it would be behind those doors. She knew what she did was a bad idea, she knew she would come to regret it, and she immediately scolded herself for thinking about running away, or ditching the interview. She was a businesswoman, and she had to remain professional, but on top of that, she was a Luthor.

Lena steeled her face and composed her body, looking ever intimidating. She would not crumble this time, she would not succumb to the pain of what it felt like to love Kara Danvers, and lose Kara Danvers. Lena would be strong, and she would get through this interview.

She opened to door swiftly, taking a deep breath as her emerald eyes locked into a blondish crop of hair that belonged to someone she loved, and someone she lost many years ago.

Lena plastered her best ‘neutral resting bitch face’ non-expression onto her face, completely unprepared for the storm to come, and what a beautiful storm it would be.

“You must be the CatCo reporter”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important: if you do not get my barista/barrister joke then we can’t be friends. If you do then kudos, I love you! 
> 
> Sorry again for yet another cliff hanger! I promise next chapter moves forward in their life and they will have the reunion. I loved the feedback I got for last chapter, it truly is the best compliment when people get emotionally involved! I’m glad people are still sticking with me! I would’ve updated earlier but I’ve been adding so many extra sentences here and there, and I’ve been editing it all myself. I always try and produce quality work, so if my updates take longer than I’ve said they would, it’s because I want to produce the very best update I can.
> 
> I’m not trying to pin Lena as some broken soul, I’m hoping that this chapter has developed Lena from that dependant state into the powerful woman she has grown up to be as an adult. Lena is a powerful woman, but all powerful women experience times where they are powerless. This is Lena’s story of moving from powerless, to powerful. 
> 
> Also, I had fun writing about Lena and Rhonda, so if you want more Rhonda then let me know! Again, if you want anything to happen, please let me know. Don’t sit by silence, no request is a bad request! Until next time! X
> 
> Check me out on twitter if you have any questions or prompts @AiLaikHeda__


	14. Fortress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armor on, you use your heart as a fortress  
> Ticking bombs, all the weapons are useless  
> So can you just let down your guard?  
> Before everything is marred  
> Armor on, you use your heart as a fortress
> 
> How'd you get so far away from me?  
> How'd you get so far away from me?  
> How'd you get so far?  
> How'd you get so far away?
> 
> How'd you get so far away?  
> You use your heart as a fortress  
> You use your heart as a fortress  
> You use your heart as a fortress

“You must be the CatCo reporter”.

Lena stated boldly as she walked through her office doors, barely looking at the blonde she knew to be Kara. But when Kara swivelled in her chair to peak at the person behind her, Lena lost all train of composure she spent building the minutes before, as she allowed herself to be overcome by Kara’s hypnotising aura, and baby blue eyes.

It was as though time itself had frozen before Lena, and the only two people left in the world were her and Kara, stuck within this infinite loop of a moment as the world itself faded around them. At least that’s how it felt anyway, and surprisingly claustrophobic despite the spaciousness of Lena’s office.

That was one thing Lena stressed about when remodelling the L-Corp building, _space_. Lena didn’t want to be trapped in a room with reporters who had poor hygiene and rotten body odour, as most did in her experience, while being interviewed. The space, and the balcony outside allowed for the perfect draft to reach in and suck the nasty smells from her office, and the breeze was somewhat comforting to Lena.

The large space also allowed Lena to have a small closet of clothes, a toothbrush, a hair brush, and toiletries for when she stayed overnight on a particularly busy day. Aswell as doing the occasional yoga lesson. But her favourite thing about the spaciousness, was her liquor cabinet.

But no amount of preparation, or office decor could prepare Lena for the realisation that she would now have to face Kara after all these years. She had been stuck in her office with Kara for all of a few moments, and in that time, her mind was struggling to process the fact that Kara was legitimately there infront of her.

Lena could already feel herself crumbling, and her mind exhausting. She hated that after years of building up her defences, building up the walls surrounding her heart, Kara was able to demolish them so easily, without even uttering a single word, with only a single look.

It was as though all those years of heartache had evaporated, all because of a few moments under the sunshine that was Kara Danvers. Lena absolutely hated that after all these years, and everything that had happened, Kara still had the ability to completely incapacitate her. She hated just how easy it was for her affection for Kara to flutter back into her heart like it never left, like she was a teenage girl infront of her best friend, her _crush_.

Kara had that affect on her, Kara would _always_ have that affect on her, Lena decided. But this wouldn’t be like last time, Lena wouldn’t let her heart be betrayed, she couldn’t let Kara do that again. She had been vulnerable with Kara before, and Kara had abused that trust which so many people had not been able to earn. Lena had experience in controlling her emotions now, techniques she learnt from Dr Coville, her father, and Cat Grant.

She had experience in not allowing herself to become vulnerable, and an easy target for hurt. She had to adapt after leaving Kara, like natural selection. The woman she was now was a carefully designed product of self acquired natural selection. But nothing was ever simplistic around Kara, Lena could _believe_ in her ability to not be swayed by Kara all she wanted, but actually _doing_ was a different story altogether.

 _Kara is just another reporter,_ Lena thought. _Just another reporter who I used to, and possibly still am in love with._

The blonde stood up almost immediately and strode towards Lena with her hand out in greeting, clearly not registering it was Lena infront of her. Lena was eager to see the blonde’s reaction. “Hi! Yes, Kara Danvers, please. You must be...” the reporters voice faded away.

Lena locked eyes with the girl for the first time and she found herself drowning in those familiar oceans she used to love. Lena could never forget those eyes, they haunted her. The depth of everything that was just so Kara Danvers lived in those eyes.

She took a moment to properly take in Kara for the first time in what felt like forever. Lena had barely been able to see Kara underneath her dark attire and behind the podium at her father’s funeral.

It was refreshing to see Kara then, but Lena hadn’t been able to gauge much about her. Now, with Kara standing face to face infront of her, she got to see it all. Everything she had missed to witness as Kara grew up. All the little freckles that were splashed across Kara’s nose, the glimmer of her lips, the flecks of hazel in her ocean eyes, her full and naturally rosey cheeks, the small scar in between her brows, and the pure look _intimidation_ written across her face.

Lena smirked internally, perhaps after all these years she finally had the advantage over Kara, and she certainly used it to her advantage. She couldn’t deny that Kara’s response certainly boosted her growing confidence. Nine years ago, their positions would have been switched.

Her green eyes raked over the rest of Kara’s body, clad in small heels, a beige skirt and a thin belt, a white top with a baby pink pullover cardigan. She wore her glasses aswell, the same glasses she occasionally wore in high school.

She had grown slightly taller, and was bigger, like she worked out, her hair was still bright blonde which suited her incredibly well now that Lena had a proper look. It was pulled back into a low pony, giving Lena and incredible view of the neck she used to dream about marking. Kara was still just as beautiful as ever, if not more.

However, underneath the shock of it all, Lena thought she saw _fear_ register on Kara’s face. Kara was afraid of her? _Why?_

“Lena...” Kara breathed, somewhere between shock and a spice of desire.

Part of Lena still failed to believe that Kara was directly infront of her, even though it had been by her doing in the first place, so she completely unregistered when Kara said her name, but didn’t miss the slight frown Kara was giving her.

Lena cleared her throat awkwardly and averted her eyes to her desk. Nine years it had been since she last spoke to Kara, nine years since she was able to lose herself in the ocean that was her best friends eyes, nine years since she was able to feel the warmth of Kara’s smile, her laugh, and her embrace.

Lena didn’t realise how much she missed it until it hit her all at once, it was overwhelming. She couldn’t say she hadn’t checked up on Kara over the years, because she had, not including when Lena moved to National City. In her second year of boarding school, she contacted some friends still in Lima after receiving that letter from the Evan’s family. Apparently Kara and her family had moved to Midvale where Kara’s father took a job at Midvale University as a professor of Astrophysics.

Kara had been like a ghost throughout the last few years of school. Lena hadn’t seen much of Kara at all over the years, apart from seeing her at Jeremiah’s funeral.  
It wasn’t until Lena saw Kara’s name on a graduate research paper from NCU that Lena truly knew where Kara was going with her life, that, and the information she got from Lillian.

Then a few years later and on few occasions she found Kara’s name again on the byline alongside the Daily Planet’s reporter Clark Kent while they were doing their Reporters Without Borders.

But without the aid of social media, Lena hadn’t been prepared for what she saw when she finally saw Kara Danvers again. Seeing Kara online was different than seeing Kara in person, because an image simply could not capture all the beauty that was Kara Danvers. It wasn’t as though Lena could ask Eliza for a picture of Kara, that would be a tad weird.

Nine years was a hell of a long time, and it was obvious that things had changed considerably for the pair, both in their career’s, but also in the atmosphere which surrounded them in their reunion. It wasn’t entirely unwelcoming, but it wasn’t welcoming either.

Lena figured it would be best to just get through the interview as quick as possible, but it seemed Kara had other ideas.

“Lena... wait, this is L-Corp? _You’re_ actually running L-Corp?” Kara questioned.

Lena looked ataken back, had Kara completely blanked on noticing the company name on the building as she walked in, or on the fact that Lena had been all over the news in matters relating to L-Corp and their latest invention.

Before Lena could answer, Kara began mumbling to fix her mistake. “I mean, of _course_ you are! I _know_ you are, that was silly of me, I’m silly. I just meant...” Kara began waving her hands around exaggeratingly as if it would help her train of thought, “I didn’t expect to be interviewing _you_. I figured you’d be stuck down in a secret lab somewhere mixing potions like a scientist”. Kara finished with a forced smile that looked like she felt both embarrassed and disgusted at her word slaughter.

Kara’s interpretation of a ‘scientist’ was so inaccurate that Lena felt almost mad at the girl. Kara always was stuck in her little bubble, and never really made sense when she was shy. “Yeah, well not everything works out the way we want”. Lena sculpted an eye brow. “And I am a scientist, I just also run a business too. I _am_ the CEO”.

“Right. I knew that, I just forgot” Kara exhaled, fiddling with her glasses, and Lena would be lying if she said it didn’t take her right back to sophomore year. “I remember that Highmore had a 95% success rate for graduates. That’s still pretty impressive”.

Was Kara’s memory really that bad? Lena had only seen Kara just yesterday at the unveiling, at least she thought it was Kara, or perhaps maybe it wasn’t after all, and Kara really didn’t have a clue. Lena ignored the hurt and dismissiveness in Kara’s tone, remembering she had a strict schedule and even Kara Danvers wasn’t an exception this time. “Look, Miss Danvers, I’m in quite a hurry for a business meeting, so can we make this quick?”

Kara flinched at the formality. “I Uh.. sure.”

Lena then gestured for Kara to take a seat in the chair across her desk. “If you have a parking ticket, I can have it validated for you” Lena offered, shuffling some papers on her steadily growing pile.

“No, that’s fine” Kara waved off, “I came here on the bus” She clarified with a shy smile.

Lena looked up at Kara, her interest snared. “You _don’t_ have a license?” She asked, raising a brow.

Kara’s cheeks turned beet red. “I do... my car is at the shop... I kind of had a minor prang. Just a little one though” Kara gestured a small amount with her thumb and forefinger.

Inside, Lena was cackling, remembering a memory fondly of when Kara crashed Jeremiah’s car into a light pole in a large abandoned car park, it was the _only_ light post, and Kara had somehow still managed to line the post up and remodel the front of Jeremiah’s sedan. Kara truly was a shocking learner, although in her defence, she wasn’t exactly a licensed ‘learner driver’, but it was a massive car park for christ sakes.

Even Lena was able to drive around the car park with ease. The Luthor’s and Danvers’s would occasionally take Lena and Kara down to the car park to practice steering, and allowing them to get a feel of driving a car. It paid off tremendously for Lena, as all the time she spent with her parents resulted in two logged lessons with a professional, then Lena passed her driving test first go.

She could imagine Kara’s driving test being a little different than that.

“So... the interview?” Kara nervously fiddled with her notebook, snapping Lena from her memory.

Lena smirked, and nodded in Kara’s direction, opting to lean back against her chair in comfort now, rather than a formal manner. Perhaps being in the company of Kara again was helping her stress in ways she couldn’t quite realise. Since the unveiling, heck, since becoming CEO, Lena had felt a lingering stress surround her all the time.

It wasn’t until her open gesture that she realised just how calm, and tranquil she felt. A far difference from how she felt before being in the presence of Kara. Lena was so bothered by the sudden refreshing feeling that she almost missed Kara’s first question altogether, not that she need worry about hearing in the first place.

“So, Lena, how do you think—“

A knock on the door stopped Kara midsentence, and Jess poked her head through, sending a satisfied smirk in Lena’s direction. Lena would have to remember to ask Jess about that later. “Miss Luthor? The press is here”.

Lena nodded, noticing Kara looked like a deer caught in headlights. What was the harm in rescheduling a simple interview?. “Thankyou, Jess. Miss Danvers, if you’d like to reschedule this interview, you can talk to my assistant Jess”.

“Actually, I was thinking over coffee... if you‘re available? My treat... it’s been a while and I guess I just want to know how you are” Kara mumbled more to the floor than to Lena, obviously Kara still hadn’t grown out of her shy habits when she was truthful, and a blush came spreading across her cheeks.

Lena didn’t know why she said yes, or why she felt a magnetic pull to Kara, even after all these years. Perhaps it was the way that Kara’s smile made her feel like a teenager again, that the thought of seeing Kara again made her feel giddy inside in a way she just couldn’t explain. She was still just as susceptible Kara’s aura as she was before, something she was trying to avoid before walking into the room.

Maybe she felt as though she owed Kara for all of their lost time, or maybe she just wanted to hear what Kara had to say, or hear her at all for that matter. Lena nodded her head.

“Okay... Wednesday, Noonan’s, at nine”.

* * *

How did she not notice it sooner? Practically everything in that office smelt like the sweet perfume Lena always used to wear in sophomore year. _Some things just don’t change_ , Kara thought. And how did she not notice the company name on the building?! It was _big_ , **_bold_** , as clear as day, and Kara still missed it. She made sure to get a proper look at the sign while walking off Cordova street, aswell as facepalming herself for her stupidity.

Kara had what her family liked to call, ‘river mouth’. It meant that in moments of stress, or whenever Kara was nervous, the words would just flow out of her like a river, with no relevance or sense. Of course Lena was running L-Corp, afterall, Kara was sent to write a piece on the new L-Corp CEO just yesterday. Her foot really had found its way into her mouth on that one, she just hoped that it wouldn’t reflect badly back to CatCo, not that Lena would make a complaint, would she?

How would Kara know, the pair hadn’t interacted in years. She didn’t know what Lena was capable of, or what kind of person Lena was now, or if Lena held a secret vendetta towards her. If Lena so desired, she could destroys Kara’s life in an instant. But Kara didn’t add fuel to that fire, her mind was still trying to process the fact that she had been in the company of Lena herself, her former best friend.

Kara was waiting for the moment she’d wake up, and realise it was all a dream. She had even pinched herself multiple times in attempt to wake up while walking the few blocks back to CatCo, she needed it. But no matter how many marks she left on her skin, she didn’t wake, it wasn’t a dream.

She was actually there, Lena Luthor had actually been in front of her. After nine years, she had finally been face to face with the woman who had both claimed her heart, and ripped it from her chest. Of course, Lena never knew that because Kara never had the chance to tell her before Lena left. Kara often wondered if her telling Lena would have changed things, if Lena still would have moved, or if they’d be married with kids now, like Mike and Imra.

She wondered so many alternate realities between herself and Lena, all the while knowing that nothing could change the past, or the things that were said and done. Kara knew exactly how Lena had felt, Lena made it clear what she felt all those years ago.

So Kara was more than surprised when Lena agreed to have coffee with her. Perhaps it meant Lena had moved on from those feelings, and was willing to give Kara a second chance. A chance she was not willing to squander. People’s feelings really can change a lot of years, Kara was an example of that, and Lena apparently too.

Unless Lena agreeing to coffee was a secret ploy to hurt and embarrass Kara, which Kara hoped it wasn’t.

Being infront of Lena after all those years was surreal, like seeing a ghost. Up close, Kara noticed all the small things she couldn’t see on TV, such as the small beauty spot on Lena’s neck she adored, the yellowish flecks that mixed into the forrest of her eyes, and even what looked to be a tongue piercing. Lena had gotten a tongue piercing?!

Lena Luthor, the girl who opposed tattoo’s, body piercing and body decorations of all kind had gotten her tongue pierced, and apparently her ears aswell. Time can certainly change people’s perspective of things, hopefully for the better in Kara and Lena’s case.

It was exciting as it was scary being in Lena’s presence again. For so long Kara had wanted that, she had even dreamt about seeing Lena again, but the real thing couldn’t compare. Kara was absolutely blown away by how much Lena had grown, and how much she had matured.

Lena was no longer her quiet, best friend from school. Lena was a powerful woman, the most powerful in National City, according to the tabloids, she ran a fortune five-hundred company, and had designed technology beyond the century.

Kara had always admired Lena before, but now, she idolised Lena. It pulled at her heart strings that she hadn’t been there to see the change Lena had gone through over the years, she could only be thankful she was there now, and thankful that Lena had actually agreed to coffee.

Wednesday could not come fast enough, it was all Kara could think about. It was as though a bio-synthetic high was coursing through her veins at the very thought of seeing Lena at Noonan’s on Wednesday. And before she knew it, Wednesday was upon her.

Kara took extra care of her presentation, making sure she had a little more makeup than usual, pulling her hair into a sophisticated updo. She wore a striped, tight fitting dress which she would otherwise not be caught dead wearing, and black lace heels. The dress was given to her by Maggie as an incentive to change her wardrobe from sweaters, cardigans and slacks to more ‘office sexy’ formal attire.

While Kara otherwise would have felt uncomfortable in the dress, she couldn’t deny it did give her the confidence boost she needed. The dress complimented her figure well, and clung to her hips and waist, causing any person within view to do a double take. She only hoped Lena would be one of those people.

Kara looked at herself in the mirror, wondering if she had gone overboard. Then she remembered it was Lena, and Lena was worth it. Kara wanted to make an impression on Lena, she wanted to look good for Lena, as though Lena’s opinion on her suddenly became the most important thing in the world.

The dress would certainly give her a clear indication if Lena was interested in her at all still.

Despite her outward calm demeanour, Kara couldn’t help the nerves bubbling away in her stomach. She had been nervous before when meeting up with people, especially when going out with Peter. But now, it was a different kind of nervous. The two couldn’t possibly compare, it would be like trying to spot the similarities between a Chihuahua and a Great Dane. 

Lena was a seperate entity from Peter altogether, and far more important in terms of relationships. While Kara had read many articles about her how nerves are actually meant to be a good sign, and help your performance, she couldn’t help but think these nerves were for the worst. 

She arrived at Noonan’s forty-five minutes early, polishing off a breakfast consisting of an omelette, two croissants and some French toast. Kara wouldn’t need Lena judging the amount of food she ate. Kara was, and always would be, a horse of an eater. Feeling full and satisfied, Kara relaxed back into the booth, checking her phone every few seconds and anticipating the arrival of Lena.

The entry bell had rung so many times that morning, that Kara didn’t bother checking if it was Lena or not. If she had been watching the door, she would have seen Lena stop in her tracks and take in Kara’s attire. If she looked close enough, she would have seen Lena lick her lips ever so subtly, as her breath caught in her throat.

Instead, Kara sat at her booth doing a crossword, jumping in her seat when Lena slid into the chair opposite hers. Kara capped her pen immediately, her frustrated look apparently evident, as Lena leaned over and mumbled.

“Thirty-six down is aqueduct. I had trouble with that one too”.

“Thanks” Kara breathed out, suddenly finding it hard to. Maybe it was because Lena had removed her coat, revealing a black blouse which revealed a generous amount of cleavage. Thankfully, Lena didn’t notice Kara gawking at her, too wrapped up in her menu. Nor did she see Lena even look twice at her presentation.

Kara chugged back a glass over water to calm her racing heart. She had just checked out her friend’s cleavage, and they weren’t _even_ two minutes into the coffee date. Though, they were friends, _right?_ Kara would have to clarify if they were, or weren’t. She hoped for the former.

“I saw your recent piece on my device, why the interview still?” Lena asked, setting down her menu.

Kara knew this question was coming, but it didn’t help her to prepare for an answer which would avoid further questions. “I might not have actually asked the question I was meant to during the unveiling. My boss got rather cranky, and threw your address at me on a crumpled piece of paper”. Kara stated, inadvertently confirming Lena’s suspicions about her attendance.

“Hmm... I noticed” Lena hummed, slightly irritated, thinking back to how it was Kara who she saw leaving in a hurry. “You were too busy hiding in your seat, then sprinting out the door.”

Kara looked away shamefully. “Sorry about that”.

“Why?” Lena blurted impatiently. “I mean, why did you leave?” She corrected.

Kara removed her glasses, placing them on the table and began to rub her temples. She could feel a migraine kicking in at the apparent beginning slaughter of an interrogation Lena was starting. “I don’t know. I guess now I feel silly about doing it, but then I felt scared. I mean... I hadn’t see you in so long, and I kind of thought the worst if I made my presence known. I thought you might ignore me, or kick me out.”

Lena’s look turned sympathetic, and she spoke a little softer. “You know I would _never_ do that, Kara. I’m a businesswoman now, I need to be formal, and have etiquette.” Lena clarified with a cheeky grin.

Kara chuckled softly, releasing a rush of air as she did so. She couldn’t explain why she was so nervous around Lena when she never was before. Perhaps she knew something, or felt something which she didn’t before.

“And my mother?” Lena inquired further.

Kara guessed Lena was referring to when Lillian followed her out of the hall. “She... uh... I guess she recognised me to.” Kara said, in a nervous pitch higher than usual.

The tension between the pair was broken when the waitress came over with their orders. Kara didn’t realised the pair had been inches apart, leaning over the table, until they were forced back to make room for their drinks. Nor did she release the daggers Lena was giving her at her blatant avoidance of the truth.

“So, what’s the _real_ reason?” Lena asked once thanking the waitress, clearly not buying Kara’s transparent lying. She was looking for a different answer.

Kara’s migraine came in wave by wave, causing a dull ache to radiate through her skull. “I told you, I was scared. I was scared of how you would act if you saw me”. Lena tilted her head, silently urging Kara to continue. “Lena... I would never try and justify my actions to you. I know I was unfair, and I treated you the way no one should be treated. That was my mistake. I wasn’t the friend you deserved. But seeing you, after so long, I couldn’t bring myself to stand up before you. It reminded me of all the hundreds of ways I had hurt you in the past, and I didn’t like the power you had over me. It reminded me that I... it reminded me of what I lost”. Kara trailed, concluding that telling Lena the truth in the moment would be too painful for the both of them. 

Lena nodded, her posture straightening out as though she were on the defence, sensing Kara still wasn’t being entirely honest. “Okay, but what what about before? When I wrote you. I wrote you twice Kara, _twice_ , and the second time I found out not from you, but from your new house owners that you _moved!_ Did you _ever_ stop and think about how I might have felt? Or were you _only_ thinking about yourself, as always” Lena gritted out through her teeth. 

Hurt had itched it’s way into Lena’s tone, and Kara couldn’t help the guilty feeling she felt at Lena’s words. It was true, she hadn’t really thought about how her actions would affect Lena, she was only concerned with how she was feeling, and how her actions would impact herself.

If Lena was looking for an answer as to why Kara did what she did, Kara couldn’t give her one, Kara didn’t have one. She had asked herself the same question before, _why?_

 _Why_ did she ignore Lena all those years ago? _Why_ couldn’t she find the courage to respond to Lena, even if it was late. A response was better than no response. Lena was looking at Kara expectantly, and Kara realised she better find an answer real quick. Lena didn’t deserve the lies, she deserved the truth, and Kara would give it to her the best she could.

“Lena... look, I can’t change the decisions I’ve made. All I can do is acknowledge that they were mistakes, and monumental screw ups on my part. I didn’t know how to even begin a response to you. I was mad, I was still _so_ mad at you for leaving.” Kara wiped at her teary eyes, knowing this was the first time she had been openly honest about her actions. “That’s not an excuse I know, but I wanted you to feel just as bad as I did, and I’m sorry. I’m _so_ incredibly sorry for everything. If I could go back and change the way I did things I would, but I can’t. All I can do is apologise, and hope that something good can come out of this. Because I don’t want to lose you again”.

Lena’s lips were pressed into a firm line, and she leaned across the table as not to draw attention. “You don’t think you’re the only one who felt bad, Kara? You think it _wasn’t_ hard on me?” Lena seethed, her anger having gotten the best of her. “I _loved_ you, Kara! I put my heart on the line for you and you tore it to pieces! What I did wasn’t me trying to get revenge on you, okay, well maybe a little, but I was healing. I was healing myself in the only way I knew how. And I reached out to _you_ , because I wanted to make right my mistakes, but _you_ ignored me. You speak about making something good, yet you’re nine years too late. Don’t you _dare_ sit there and think I didn’t have it rough, because I did, you were just too selfish to notice. You were always selfish.” Lena slumped back into her chair, arms folded across her chest, staring at Kara with a fire in her eyes.

Kara shuddered at the intensity of Lena’s gaze, and sighed in defeat. “Lena that’s not what I meant, I—“

“I’m sorry Kara this was a mistake... I need to go.” Lena interrupted, abruptly standing to pull her coat over her shoulders. “You can email through your questions to my assistant, I’ll make sure to answer them for you.”

Lena left in a hurry, despite Kara’s quiet calls for her. Kara rested her head in her hands, her elbows perched on the table.  
_Perfect_.

When she removed her hands, confident enough not to cry, she noticed a fifty dollar bill on the table top for their simple fourteen dollar order, and a small card.

It was Lena’s assistant’s card, as Lena said. Kara shoved the card into her purse, immediately thinking of a way she could try again to fix things between Lena and herself. Kara knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but she didn’t expect things to go so terribly either.

This card provided her with a chance, her last chance to try and fix things with Lena again. She had to, because she needed Lena, and Lena was worth it. Even if Lena didn’t think she was, and no matter how mad she was at Kara, Kara was determined to make things right. What she should have done years ago.

* * *

It was a habit that was becoming more and more frequent, and a bad habit at that. Lena wouldn’t say she was an alcoholic, however, she couldn’t deny polishing off a bottle if work became more stressful than usual. It didn’t help that Lena also had a tempting cellar full of an extensive range of expensive and aged alcohol, ranging from liqueurs, to spirits, to wines.

Often, she would find herself under a rug, wine glass in hand, television on low while she watched the dancing of the flames from her fire place. When she moved to National City, the first thing she did was look for an apartment, one with a fire place.

She found an apartment in uptown National City, with a fire place that looked exactly like the one from the Luthor Mansion in Metropolis. Lena immediately bought the apartment, buying out three others who had put down offers for the place.

Her apartment building was tall itself, but away from the high rise skyline of National City. So she had a perfect, one-eighty view of National City Park, and the harbour on either side of her balcony. Her apartment, being on the top floor, had a stairwell which connected to the roof, where there was a pool, lounge area, and a barbecue station. The pool could be seen from below in the apartment, and was strictly for the person living in the penthouse, that being Lena.

The apartment itself was longer than it was wider, but it was perfect for Lena, and the relaxation that came with drinking. Not only was her drinking becoming a bad habit, it’s what she did _after_ she had been drinking.

Lena had a habit of becoming brutally truthful after a few glasses of wine, and more often than not did she find herself on the phone to Sam, who would be drinking aswell. Except, one night Lena had called her assistant, thinking it was Sam, and had completely unloaded all her Kara problems on the poor girl.

Jess was a great assistant, and had many admirable qualities, such as her listening ability. She had been Lionel’s assistant when L-Corp was formed, then Lex’s assistant, and now she was Lena’s assistant. She also spoke Mandarin, and Cantonese, which she used to help Lena on several calls to overseas investors.

But her ability to listen wasn’t always the best thing, as anything Lena had to say Jess would cling on to, even when Lena was drunk. Lena had spilled the entire relationship of her and Kara, and it didn’t take long for Jess to realise who Kara was when Lena called her to request a specific CatCo reporter.

Lena guessed that Jess had perhaps heard a few things she wasn’t meant to over the years of being an assistant, perhaps even finding out that Lex was sick. If she knew, she certainly never said anything. Jess was a one way valve of information, always retaining but never repeating.

Jess was loyal, and she kept her mouth closed with everything Lena would tell her in confidence, unless given express permission to share said information. It was one of the reasons why Jess was the highest paid assistant in the city. She was loyal to the Luthor’s and did everything that was asked of her, and she had a phenomenal work ethic. But that didn’t mean Jess couldn’t tease Lena about Kara when given the opportunity.

Without Kara, Lena had a constant, gaping hole in her life, and she couldn’t deny that being with Kara for a short while had filled a portion of that hole.

Even with the girls Lena used to take home in college, they could never fill that hole. The girls knew what they were getting into when Lena took them home, and they were happy to be of service. Lena was able to do her thing without an emotional attachment, and it worked for so long. She was never truly happy with those other girls, but it was better than being miserable, better than being alone.

But all of that sex she had, it couldn’t amount to even a minute of being around Kara. Being in Kara’s company again, being in Kara’s life again challenged Lena, and threatened the walls she spent so long building around her heart.

Everything about Kara challenged Lena’s protective instinct to run, and lock herself away. Her heart wanted to give in to the pull, but her instincts told her not to. It was a tug of war between her heart and her mind, and unfortunately for Lena, her track record revolved around making decisions with her head, not her heart.

After leaving Noonan’s, Lena called an emergency sick day to Jess. Being the loyal assistant she was, Jess didn’t ask questions, and got to work sending Lena the information she would need at home. After wanting to see Kara for so long, then finally having that opportunity, she had ruined it. Kara would never want to see Lena after the things she said.

The morning’s events only added to the list of mistakes between the pair. It was a steadily growing list and Lena thought it would never stop. She wanted it to, so badly, but she couldn’t decide if it was worth it. She couldn’t decide if it was the best thing for the pair, given their history.

Lena had been working throughout the day with very little breaks, focusing all her attention on work to avoid having to see the pained expression on Kara’s face as Lena verbally tore into her, that was playing on repeat in her mind.

_“You speak about making something good, yet you’re nine years too late. Don’t you dare sit there and think I didn’t have it rough, because I did, you were just too selfish to notice. You were always selfish.”_

Kara had looked utterly defeated once Lena had said that. She didn’t mean for things to get so bad, she didn’t mean to blow her top off at Kara, but for nine years she was denied expressing how she felt to Kara. That was only a portion of the emotions she had pent up over the years, but she had been denied telling Kara exactly how she felt.

It was hard to control the way she was feeling as every single bit of anger, hatred and betrayal resurfaced. It was overwhelming for Lena, and she had ruined the one chance she would probably ever get to try and sort things out with Kara.

Instead of using her free time to catch up on some much needed rest, Lena opened an expensive red, and drowned her sorrows. She found herself in a lengthy conversation with Sam about the events of the morning, double checking to make sure she had called _Sam_ , and _not_ Jess.

An hour into their conversation, and Lena was starting to feel the dizzying effects of the alcohol, aswell as her mental honesty levels increasing. The words began pouring out of her like word vomit, and Lena wasn’t sure she wanted to stop herself this time either.

“So much fucked up shit has happened between us, and it hurt so much the first time when things went wrong. I don’t know if I want to go through it again”. Lena chugged back the rest of her glass, letting her arm fall limp over the back of her couch, and her head fall limp on the arm rest.

 _“I know, Lena. But you can’t keep drowning yourself in regret about not having a chance, then not even bothering to try when you do have the chance. Is it worth the risk? Is she worth it?”_ Sam asked through the speaker phone.

Lena started subconsciously banging her head lightly against the armrest, feeling her body slowly start to float. “I dont know...” she confessed.

Sam’s breathing could be heard through the phone, and Lena guessed she was debating whether or not to ask something. “Just ask, Sam” Lena groaned.

 _“Do you still love her?”_ Sam asked.

The question caught Lena off guard, even though she knew it was coming. If someone asked Lena that same question nine years ago, her answer would have been an immediate “yes”, but Instead Lena’s answer nine years later was a silent one.

 _“Lena?”_ Sam asked.

Lena closed her eyes, wrapping her hand around her mouth. Truthfully, she didn’t know, not anymore. She racked her heart, trying to find any form of emotion that could resemble the way she felt nine years ago, but she came up empty. Instead, she felt guilty, and a longing for Kara, but she _didn’t_ know if she felt love.

 _“Lena?”_ Sam echoed, again.

“I don’t know, Sam” Lena snapped. “I used to, but I don’t know... I miss her, I can feel something there but I don’t know if it’s love”

 _“Okay, then, do you want her? Would you be willing to risk it for her one more time. If you don’t, then tell her, don’t lead her on.”_ Sam became suddenly serious, and Lena heard the weight behind those words.

Sam was indirectly referring to the way Lena had led Sam on, to the way Lena had inadvertently used Sam to help with her feeling of loneliness. It was something Sam never held over Lena, because Lena wasn’t sure what she was feeling at the time. Lena couldn’t differentiate between whether her feelings for Sam were real, or if it was her mind projecting those feelings in the wake of Kara using her, then dumping her for Mike again.

“I think so...” Lena relaxed back into the cushioning of the couch, “But only if she wants me”. The last part came out as a whisper, and Lena could almost hear the feint nodding of approval coming from Sam. Lena quickly poured herself another glass of wine, nowhere near drunk enough for the depth of the conversation.

 _“So then you wait, if you want to. You can wait for her to make a move, and if she doesn’t, then you’ll know. But look on the bright side honey, you still have Velma”_. Sam suggested in a cocky tone.

Lena cackled. It was an on going joke Sam had with Lena, where she referred to the vibrator she got for Lena as ‘Velma’. “God Sam, you have no idea how _mortified_ I was when you gave me that vibrator. If you don’t shut your mouth, I will stick it so far up your arse that you will feel it buzzing in your throat” Lena threatened.

Sam began laughing hysterically, and Lena had to hold the phone away from her ear to protect her hearing. _“Well she did come in handy, didn’t she?”._

“Stop it, Sam. You’re making my wine taste foul” Lena complained, slurping some wine which had escaped her mouth at Sam’s comment.

 _“Just let me know how it goes, okay?”_ Sam said, her tone becoming a little less playful.

“Yes, _dear_.” Lena sighed, becoming more tired by the moment.

Sam must have heard the exhaustion in Lena’s voice. _“Alright. Goodnight, honey”._

“Goodnight, babe” Lena responded, ending the call.

Lena sat in her apartment, a tingling sensation running through her stomach and hips. She always had weird feelings when she was alone in silence, as she was so used to the opposite. Her life as CEO left little time for such relaxation, and Lena was constantly on the go and surrounded by people.

She had almost forgot how calming it felt to just be alone in the silence of her apartment. Too wired to go to sleep, Lena walked to the spare room and began looking through the closet for a scrap book.

It was a random thought, but an urgent one, and Lena felt the need to find the scrap book Kara had given her during their freshman year. The scrapbook contained dozen’s of photos of the pair, each with a little description of the event taking place in the photo.

Lena flicked through to find her favourite photo. The photo was taken at school during their home economics class. One of the senior year book editors had been walking around to the freshman classes, getting photos to add to the freshman section of the year book.

The senior had come at an inconvenient time, when all the students were cooking their stir fry. While Kara, like all the other students, was meant to be continuously stirring the mix in the dish, as per how you make a stir fry, was instead pulling faces at the person behind the camera.

Lena had been focussing on the dessert section of the meal, and didn’t notice the bright orange flames jump from the dish, until eventually she did. Smoke was rising from the dish like the beginning of an eruption, and the food inside looked as black as the plague.

The picture _perfectly_ captured Lena’s shocked expression the moment she saw the flames, along with two other students in the background who’s mouths were open in pure terror. Kara on the other hand was completely oblivious to the disaster, and was instead still pulling faces infront of the camera. In the photo, Kara accurately represented the emoji with wonky eyes, and it’s tongue poking out.

Below the picture was a small caption that read; _“When you can’t even stir fry, and you ain’t camera shy - K.D. 2007”_

Lena smiled fondly at the memory, and as she looked through the rest of the scrapbook, she started to feel as though maybe she could give her friendship with Kara another chance, because Kara was worth it.

* * *

 

The following day, Lena was back at work, sorting through the numerous emails she had successfully avoided in her absence. Jess had cleared out the spam emails, and company emails, leaving fewer and only the personally addressed emails.

Amongst them was an email from Kara, containing a list of a dozen questions. Lena replied to the email as best she could, typing detailed and lengthy responses to each question. It was the least she could do, seeing as how she knew Kara’s boss wanted the piece in yesterday. She hoped Kara wasn’t in too much trouble from Snapper.

Apparently Kara had been calling Lena’s office all of the previous day, and had already made a few calls earlier in the present day. Jess informed Lena of the calls, but Lena asked not to be disturbed. She needed to sort out her priorities regarding Kara, and what she would say when with Kara again.

Meeting Kara prematurely, and blowing up at her again would not help her case at all. A few days went by of Kara’s consistent calling, and Lena still telling Jess to hold the calls. She had come across the article Kara published titled; _L-Corp and Lord Technologies deliver ground-breaking research in stem cell and bone marrow research for Leukemic patients_.

It was a great article, and Kara had certainly done Lena’s work justice. Eventually though, the calls stopped. Lena thought that Kara had given up on her, so easily yet again, and she couldn’t deny that it left a bitter taste in her mouth. _Just like last time,_ she thought.

All it took was a couple of days, and Kara had given up. Maybe Kara wasn’t worth it after all. What Lena didn’t know was that it wasn’t like last time, not even close. Lena went home that night, as bitter as ever. The following morning was no good either, her coffee machine was working, her car didn’t start, so she had to have her driver take her to work.

When she arrived at work, she was met with a series of police officers and security guards who were doing a routine check after a prank caller had threatened L-Corp. The waiting time in the lobby put a massive dent in Lena’s time schedule, she was already hours behind by the time she was allowed in her office.

To say she was in a bad mood was an understatement. Lena specifically asked not to be bothered by anyone at all, afraid she might accidentally murder someone if she was. In her grumpy state, Lena questioned whether it was worth asking Jess to remove Kara from her CatCo relations, and to revoke Kara’s building access, now that Kara had given up on her.

She barely even made the speed dial input to call the phone by Jess’s desk when a gentle knock was heard on her door. Lena crained her neck, waiting for whoever it was to enter, but the person didn’t. A gentle knock sounded again, and Lena found it odd. She had told Jess to keep her schedule clear, and to be uninterrupted for the afternoon so she could catch up on her missed work.

_Where in the hell was Jess? Did she go on her lunch break?_

Usually when someone came unannounced, Jess would send them back down the elevator, telling them to make an appointment. Or when it was Jess herself, she would enter after the first knock. The knock itself was also too gentle to be Jess’s either, the girl usually made a quick call to Lena before needing to talk anyway.

When Jess went on her break, she informed Lena, and had someone cover the phones for her. It was very unlike Jess to be M.I.A, and very unlike someone to come unannounced to Lena’s door.

Another knock sounded, a little more forceful than the last. “Come in” Lena called agitated, wondering who on earth it was, and why Jess hadn’t intervened.

Lena was about ready to rip a hole into the life of whoever was disturbing her, but when her eyes laid upon the beauty that walked through the doors, she lost all agitation she felt immediately.

It was as though a spark ignited in her chest at the sight of Kara, holding a large box signed with Lena’s favourite patisserie. And her subconscious reminded Lena on a continuous loop, that Kara was worth it, _is_ worth it.

Kara had chased her, despite ignoring Kara for days, Kara had _chased_ her. Even when Lena thought Kara had given up, she hadn’t, and she had surprised Lena. It gave Lena a glimmer of hope that Kara may possibly feel at least a shred of the feelings that Lena once felt for Kara, the feelings that were buried, and resided deep within Lena, just itching to break the surface of her stubborn heart.

The reporter sported an innocent smile as she approached Lena’s desk, and Lena couldn’t help the relief that Kara had not left her, and had not given up on her so easily. Nor could she help the grin that pulled at her own velvet lips. Kara truly looked adorable trying to balance the large box, along with a single Frappuccino.

“I know you don’t want to be bothered, but please don’t kick me out” was the first thing Kara said, followed by, “I come in peace in the name of donuts and Frappuccino”.

“My favourite donuts too” Lena finished, watching as Kara carefully placed the box on her desk.

Lena eagerly reached for the box, ignoring Kara’s presence for a second before quickly looking up at the smiling blonde. “Thankyou, Kara”.

Kara smiled bashfully. “It was the least I could do after that interview you gave me”.

“Glad to be of service” Lena quipped, a smirk on her face.

She quickly brought her attention back to the box, missing the way Kara’s cheeks blossomed. “Is there—“

“—Strawberry Jam?” Lena and Kara both said in unison.

Kara nodded, and watched as Lena’s face lit up in further delight. Lena pulled a Jam donut from the box, and her face dropped in ecstasy as the fluffy, sweet donut came in contact with her taste buds. The Jam wasn’t too hot either, nor too cold. It was perfect.

While Lena enjoyed her donut in bliss, she noticed the way Kara was eyeing the box, and subconsciously licked her lips.

“You can have some” Lena said in amusement.

“No, no” Kara assured, “I bought them for you, that’s okay”.

Lena chuckled. “Kara, honey, do you really think I will be able to finish all of these on my _own?_ ”.

Lena tried not to give too much attention to the way the pet name fell off her tongue, but it was hard considering it certainly pulled a reaction from Kara, at good one at that as the reporters face resembled a tomato.

“I guess I’ll have a strawberry sprinkles because I know you love the Jam ones” Kara said, happily reaching for a donut.

Lena watched, intrigued as Kara scoffed down her donut, sugar and sprinkles making a mess of her face.

“Did you your boss find my answers okay?” Lena asked, gulping down the rest of her donut.

“Yeah, they were great. Snapper was very pleased” Kara managed, tHough a mouthful of donut. She covered her mouth in embarrassment, before finishing off her mouthful to answer Lena further. “The other day didn’t go how I had hoped.”

Lena nodded in agreement, knowing she played a major role in that. Kara continued, “If you would like, and only if you want to, I’ll be a noonan’s tomorrow during break around eleven. I would love if you came and I could buy _you_ a coffee this time.”

“Kara you bought me donuts, you don’t have to buy me coffee” Lena said way too quickly, then noticed the deflated look on Kara’s face, obviously taking it as rejection. Lena was just as quick to rectify,  
“I’ll think about it okay?”.

“Okay!” Kara cheered, and bounced out of her seat, sensing she should leave Lena to her work again, as she had already imposed enough.

Just as Kara was about to walk out, Lena called to the reporter. “And Kara, thankyou for the donuts”.

She was met with a sweet smile, then the sound of her door clicking. Lena couldn’t help but smile aswell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some of you are over the angst, but I mean how unrealistic would it be for them to just forget everything and start anew? It’s unrealistic, so I apologise for the angst again but it’s necessary for realism! They have a lot of problems they need to sort through before they move forward in their relationship. They still have mountains of mistakes to own and apologies to be said. But the worst of the angst is over I promise you. At least they’re together again though haha!  
> Not a lot of Kara this chapter, but next chapter will make up for it!
> 
> Also, if you guys were unhappy with 3x18, I wrote a short one-shot fix it of that episode. It’s my first one-shot, and first fix it of any episode, so check it out if you want! It’s called A Super Apology, and it made Supercorp Fanfictions on Twitter (my favourite account ever), so that was awesome! 
> 
> Also... I hate having long notes at the end, I don’t know if people read them. But, I urge you to tell me sooner rather than later if you want anything to happen. I URGE you. I’ve written an ending already, but it’s not set, but if no one has suggestions that’s fine, just please don’t roast me out if you hate the ending. I’m not sure how many chapters I can squeeze out, it won’t be super long, but I’m hoping to be at around 20ish chapters, maybe a little more. We’re definitely half way through guys.
> 
> I have also been writing bits and pieces for chapters to come, and I almost cried at the gay fluffiness of it all! I really think you guys will enjoy what’s to come!
> 
> Thanks for the continuous support and love, let me know what you think, I love feedback, even the stuff you hate, I can work to change it. Until next time x
> 
> *For Lena’s apartment look, see FDR’s apartment from the movie This Means War.


	15. Only Teardrops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *NOTE* there may be a triggering practical joke in the last section which explains how Kara came to hate horror movies. Please skip of that if it may be triggering for you. Triggers include intruders, fake death, fake blood and potential kidnapping/harm. (It is still a practical joke - but please skip over that section if you need to)
> 
> So come and face me now  
> Here on the stage tonight  
> Let's leave the past behind us
> 
> Eye for an eye, why tear each other apart?  
> Please tell me why, why do we make it so hard?  
> Look at us now, we only got ourselves to blame  
> It's such a shame
> 
> Tell me, how many times can we win and lose?  
> How many times can we break the rules between us?  
> Only teardrops
> 
> How many times do we have to fight?  
> How many times till we get it right between us?  
> Only teardrops

Noonan’s was always incredibly busy around lunch time each day. The cafe was situated directly in the centre of the business district, meaning that the journalists, public servants, government workers, everyone who worked directly in the city would all go for break round the same time, leaving popular places like Noonan’s swamped.

While there were plenty of other cafes in the district, Noonan’s was definitely the pick of the bunch with the excellent customer service, delicious food, fast prep time and affordable prices. As the cafe slogan says; _Make it Noonan’s, or Make it No One’s._

It wasn’t uncommon to find fellow CatCo reporters taking their break at Noonan’s either, however most would retire to the seventh floor where there was a large balcony which surrounded the building. It also happened to be where the cafeteria was, but that food was _dreadful_. Usually, Kara would do the same, but this day was different.

Most of the time, Kara’s break food and drink would be pre-made, her old Noonan’s workers remembering her order well. So in the busiest time of the day, Kara found herself sitting at a booth, just minutes after walking into the cafe.

She hadn’t touched her food yet, despite the growling of her stomach for sustenance, she was waiting for Lena. The clock on the wall read twelve past eleven, and Kara wondered why she had even bothered to waste almost a third of her break time waiting for someone who probably wouldn’t show. Of course Lena wasn’t going to show, Kara only hoped she would, she was hopeful like that.

Despite how their relationship ended the first time, Kara wasn’t so quick to dismiss all the good memories she had with Lena, it gave her something to fight for. Afterall, for a long period of time, Lena was one of the most important people in Kara’s life. Lena had been everything to Kara and had supported her through times that no one besides her family knew, Lena was by any and all means, family. But along the way, Kara had seemed to forget that.

Lena made that explicitly clear during her rant the other day, something which Kara hadn’t mentioned to Lena, but wanted to. Lena was hurting, and Kara knew that, because she was hurting too, but instead of make an effort to fix that, Lena had reacted in the exact opposite way which was needed.

Kara could understand why, but it didn’t mean she was okay with it. If they could salvage some kind of friendship, it had to be one built on respect. Kara knew that the trust part would come later, certainly after everything, but trust grew with respect, and if there was no respect, there was no trust.

No matter how mad Kara was, or hurt she was, she never let that overpower her during her preciously quick time with Lena. When she was younger, sure, it was expected as a teenager, but as an adult, Kara didn’t want to revert back to those old habits. They had both made a lot mistakes along the way, and it was unfair to pin it all on one person. They both contributed to the down spiral of their relationship, lack of communication from both parties playing a huge part in that.

But Kara wanted to be better than how she was before, because Lena certainly deserved someone a thousand times better than the person Kara had been years ago.

They both deserved better, and they both weren’t ready. But perhaps they were now. Only time would tell, and Kara would take as long as Lena needed to believe that Kara was the person she deserved, and she would make sure that Lena knew it, that Lena’s insecurities would not get between what could be the relationship they both desperately wanted, the one they deserved.

Of course, that all would only apply if Lena showed the hell up. Kara’s watch read eleven fifteen. Exactly a third of her break had passed already and Lena was still a no show. Kara’s stomach rumbled again, and Kara groaned in protest. A girl could only wait so long on a inpatient stomach.

Begrudgingly, Kara picked up her bag, Noonan’s burger of the day inside, and her take away iced-chocolate. She scooted out of her booth, but was frozen solid on the spot when she saw a flustered Lena pushing her way through the cluster of people, rather than waiting politely for them to move. While it was incredibly rude, Lena’s smaller, rugged up frame looked quite adorable all frustrated like that, as if she were commanding mere peasants to part a path for her. The rest of the crowd of hungry workmen and women got the idea and left a gap for Lena to easily pass through.

Perhaps she was hangry, or she had another bad day. Kara certainly hoped it wasn’t because Lena felt forced to come to Noonan’s. Kara made it explicitly clear that Lena should only come if she _wanted_ to. Kara didn’t want Lena to come out of obligation, Lena had to _want_ to come by her own accord, otherwise there was just no hope for them. Lena had to _want_ the reconciliation as much as Kara did, otherwise it was a waste of time.

Too quick to jump to assumptions, when Lena made eye contact with Kara’s form, her frustrated appearance settled into something slightly softer, and a smile pulled to the green eyes.

“I’m sorry I’m late” Lena rushed to say, “I was held up in a meeting with a man who would _not_ shut up”.

Kara chuckled empathetically. She knew exactly how frustrating it was to be around the kind of people who don’t know when to close their holes. But she had gotten used to it as a reporter, and she had learnt how to make it seem as though she was paying the utmost attention, even though her brain was off thinking about how she would have to replace a new pair of shoes after Lexa’s rampage each morning.

Kara loved her dogs dearly, she really did. But the amount of money she had been spending on shoes was frightening. She was considering setting up a ‘GoFundMe’ page for donations towards new shoes. Schnitzel didn’t help the cause either, she just encouraged Lexa on, and even went to retrieve more shoes from Kara’s closet.

Kara figured that eventually her dogs would grow out of their puppy phase of demolishing everything in sight, but they were just as hyperactive as when Kara got them, just a tad more stiff and a few more white hairs on Schnitzel’s snout.

“I know the feeling” Kara sighed, gesturing for Lena to sit down with her.

The CEO didn’t waste any time in slumping down into the booth, releasing an audible sigh at the release of pressure from her heels. Kara wondered why Lena couldn’t just settle for something comfortable, like loafers or flats, but then she remembered that everything Lena did was under a microscope, and if Lena Luthor of all people were caught wearing flats, it meant everyone else at L-Corp could too.

She had to be presentable, and on her A-Game one hundred per cent of the time. Kara knew first hand just how vicious the press could be towards people, they could destroy people in a single print of an article. That’s what happened to National City’s last Mayor, Morgan Edge. But that was neither here nor there, instead Kara focused as the relaxation washed over Lena’s face.

“I came down here as soon as I could, I hope I haven’t wasted your break time” Lena opened her eyes, looking suddenly worried, her green orbs as wide and guilty as Lexa had looked earlier in the morning.

Kara shifted in her seat, hoping Lena didn’t just catch her staring. She pulled up her sleeve and checked her watch, puffing her mouth with air like a puffer fish as she attempted to try and decipher the time upside down. Eventually she contorted her head and wrist into an uncomfortable, but necessary position to read the time, meanwhile, was oblivious to how Lena was looking at her both worried and amused.

“Nope!” Kara popped the ‘p’ with excitement. “Still have thirty minutes left, even so, Snapper can wait.”

Lena looked even more worried than she had before, and her signature crinkle appeared between her brows. “Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to cause any trouble?” Lena hesitantly said.

Kara waved Lena off with a smile. She noticed Lena’s gaze lingering on her own food, then towards the massive line at the registers. Kara brought her hand to her mouth and audibly gasped, causing Lena’s head to snap back around surprisingly quick.

“ _Oh my gosh!_ ” Kara exclaimed, “I’m so sorry! I forgot to order for you! I just didn’t think you would come so I completely—“

“Kara, it’s okay!” Lena immediately tried settling Kara down with assurances. But before Lena could protest any further, Kara was out of her seat and had walked around the line of people to talk to an employee behind the bar.

Kara came back in flash, and had a wide grin on her face. “Kale salad, and a double mocha cappuccino coming up”.

Lena tilted her head in question, and Kara elaborated. “I used to work here, and one of the workers owed me. So I figured the debt should be paid.”

Lena smiled softly at Kara. “How generous of you to use your favour on me”. Lena brought her hand to her chest in a thankful manner, and Kara’s smile only brightened.

“I still can’t believe you like Kale salad though, after all these years” Kara sighed, shaking her heart in faux disapproval, crossing her arms over her chest, her legs in similar fashion.

Lena clutched at her chest in feigned hurt. “You take that back right now! It’s an acquired taste, Miss _‘I won’t eat salad without dressing’_ ”.

Their conversation and sly banter came with ease, like echoes bouncing off the wall. Their replies were instantaneous and sincere, but they had been actively skirting around the elephant in the room, subtly trying to push it away. It seemed neither wanted to resurface their issues in the middle of such a pleasant lunch, but Kara knew there was no way to move forward without sorting through their bottomless pit of problems.

She definitely couldn’t go on with whatever it was they were doing, all the while not having closure for anything that happened. That was another thing though that she needed to find out, what exactly it was that Lena wanted, and what they would be once they left the cafe. Kara couldn’t leave with answers that would just eat her up even more, she needed some kind of assurance or confirmation, and she was pretty sure Lena needed it too.

Kara nervously twirled a spoon in her newly ordered laté, completely unaware that the time was pushing a little past twelve. “I have to say, I didn’t think you would actually show with the way we left things last time”.

Lena nodded in understanding. “Well I figured I owed you”.

Kara’s demeanour faltered slightly. “Oh, um—

“ _Relax_ , Kara” Lena interrupted with a shy smile. She reached out and placed her hand on Kara’s, which was nervously rattling on top of the table. “I want to be here. We both have things we need to get off our chests, and I know our last meet up wasn’t a good example, but I’d like to do that if that’s okay.” Lena pulled away, and Kara couldn’t deny the cool burn which swept over where Lena’s hand had just been.

“I would” Kara nodded, pushing her glasses up from where they drooped on her nose. “I know it wasn’t easy on you, and I never want you to think I don’t know that, because I do. But watching you leave was the hardest thing, because I knew that no matter what I did, your decision would of stayed the same. I tried to fix things back then, but you kept blocking me every time I tried. I’m not pointing the blame on you, we both made wrong choices, it’s on us both.”

Kara went back to tapping her fingers against the wooden table as a nervous habit. “I wanted nothing more than to call you, to hear your voice. But when I did that, your number had been disconnected. I don’t have a reason for why I ignored you other than I just don’t have one. I don’t know why I did, but what I do know is I need you Lena, I needed you _every single day_. Some more than others... and when Jeremiah died... I looked for you, because I thought that maybe if I looked hard enough, you’d be there. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I ignored you, and I’m so sorry for everything. You were always my person Lena, you meant so much to me, and I realised too late that I wasn’t showing you just how much you meant. I needed you for so long, and I need you now. I need to know you. You never stopped being one of the most important people in my life, I hope you know that, and I hope you can let me show you how much I mean that when I say it”.

Kara wiped at a few tears which had stained her cheeks, something about being open and honest with Lena was again one of the hardest things Kara had to do, because it meant Lena could do whatever she pleased with everything Kara had just told her. Kara waited in a stew moments of silence, waiting for Lena to process a response.

“I needed you too... I wasn’t okay” Lena whispered, averting her gaze from Kara’s. “Leaving you _was_ the hardest thing I did, and when you ignored me, I thought you had moved on. That broke my heart Kara, I was broken without you. Yet somehow I managed. If you want me to say sorry for leaving, I can’t do that, but it doesn’t mean it hurt any less. You think I wasn’t there for you, but I was. I never left you Kara. _You_ spoke for Jeremiah because no one else could, _you_ were strong for them when they couldn’t be themselves. I kept tabs on you, I needed to know how you were, what you were doing, that you were okay. It was the hardest thing not being able to talk to you, because I thought ‘ _what if she ignores me again_ ’. Everyday I had the urge to speak to you, but I was reminded that I had, and you disappointed me. I felt that you had left me, and I still feel like you’re gone. I don’t know if I’ll be okay if I let that happen again, if you leave me again. I don’t know if we can salvage what we had, we can try, but I just don’t know, Kara”.

Lena gave Kara what she thought was a reassuring smile, but only sent Kara spiralling further.

“I understand... I realise my broken promises don’t mean much, but let me show you. Nine years I’ve had to live through the pain of not having you, and I know you have too, so let’s stop that pain together. You are still my Lena Luthor, so let me show you” Kara pleaded, teaching for Lena’s hands so she interlock their fingers as a silent promise.

After a few moneys, Lena relented. “Okay...” she sighed, “There’s just a lot of things I need to sort through myself... I just need a little time to figure out what I want, what I need.”

A small smile crept its way into Kara’s face. “Take all the time you need, I will still be here... Not at this booth of course... but in my apartment, or desk, you know.” Kara rambled on, and Lena couldn’t help but find it adorable.

As adorable as Kara was, Lena had a schedule. “I hope I haven’t kept you too late?” Lena asked, standing to straighten out her pencil skirt.

Kara got the hint and stood along with Lena, replying immediately. “You are more important than time...” Kara’s gaze dropped to her watch before her eyes widened momentarily, “And I _hope_ Snapper feels that way too. If you don’t see my name in the papers anytime soon, call 911”.

Lena chuckled at Kara’s odd sense of humour, her _still_ odd sense of humour. “I’ll let Snapper know I held you up for a follow up on the interview”.

Kara’s head whipped up to see Lena gazing at her thoughtfully. “You don’t have to do that” Kara rushed to say.

“Nonsense” Lena insisted authoritatively, and who was Kara to argue. “It’s the least I can do... and if it means I get to keep you around a little longer, then it’s what I need to do”.

Perhaps Lena didn’t mean to sound so forward, or maybe she did. Kara tried not to pay too much attention to that, she was just glad that Lena and her were making headway. While the question of what they were was still up in the air, Kara decided not to push Lena, realising that it was probably enough for one day.

But one day with Lena certainly wasn’t enough, and Kara wasn’t about to let Lena slip through her fingers again due to a lack of communication. Kara had to think of something to see Lena again soon, but in moments of stress, her brain failed her, and she supplied the least convincing proposition.

“A-actually!” Kara stuttered, realising she may have spoken a bit too loud. “There were a few questions that I never got to ask you... for your research” Kara clarified, “I was wondering if you would be available any time soon? For business.”

Kara scolded herself immediately for the crap her brain conjured. She was sure Lena wasn’t even convinced by the small smirk pulling at her lips. But Kara was desperate for any, and all the time she could get with Lena.

Lena reached into her clutch and removed a small rectangular piece of paper. “Here, take this”. At Kara’s confused expression, Lena elaborated, “The front is my direct office line, and my assistant Jess’s, which you already have. On the back is my personal mobile number. Very few people in National City have that last one, so if it gets around, I know it was you”.

Lena left in a flurry, not allowing Kara the time to even return her own cellular number. But that’s the way it was it seemed, Lena was off changing the world, she was a very busy woman. Kara was happy that Lena could still spare some time for her, that Lena had forgiven her enough to at least consider giving their relationship another chance. It was all Kara could hope for, and it was enough, for the time being.

* * *

The permanent relocation of one Samantha Arias from Boston to National City was definitely good for Lena in the short while. Their phone calls and Skype calls eventually weren’t doing enough for Lena, but she never imagined she would get sick of Sam so soon, all in good nature of course.

And that was exactly what Sam was, a nature extremist. When she wasn’t demolishing her opposition in a court room, Sam was hiking the forests, mountains, trek walks, anything she could find pertaining to nature. She always imagined her ideal partner as being an explorer, or a geographer who travelled frequently. Even a botanist was on her list of ideal occupations.

She involved herself in every nature related festival, every earth hour, famine challenge, everything that could be celebrated independently, or even internationally. Along with her extreme enthusiasm for nature, came her extreme enthusiasm for health.

Sam didn’t exactly hit the gym up every day, rather, she enjoyed walks in the park, or around the city, as opposed to being confined to a single strip of rotating material on an otherwise pointless use of machinery. That was how she came to take in a stray Newfoundland which she named Bear.

On one of her walks outside of Boston, Sam came across what she thought was an abandoned bear cub, until she realised it was a dog. She took the stray home and nurtured the malnourished pup to good health, and later adopted him as her own. At the time, her job didn’t allow the time to properly look after a dog.

Perhaps if Sam’s position wasn’t of such high importance in her company, she would of had more time to dedicate to her pup, but after serious conversations with her parents, and some serious convincing from Bear himself, Sam’s parents allowed her to cut back some working hours during the week and instead work from home. This granted time allowed Sam the ability to properly look after Bear.

Lena was absolutely smitten with Bear, as the more he grew, the less washing of blankets was needed. Bear was a literal blanket for two at just 3 years old. She adored Sam and Bear’s company in close proximity, afterall, Sam now rented an apartment owned by one of L-Corp’s sub divisions in real estate, _Luthor Partners Real Estate._

Her spacious apartment was in the suburban areas of National City with a backyard and pool, the ideal home for any growing family, at least a family who could afford the place. The apartment was too big for just Sam and Bear, but Sam had been waiting for the right time to have a family. Lena had even gone with Sam when she spoke to a clinician about the process of having a sperm doner.

Having a partner wasn’t top of list for Sam. For Sam, she just wanted children, and if she found the right person along the way, then that was just a bonus for her, and her child. However, Lena didn’t always find herself jumping over the moon about going out with Sam, particularly at five thirty in the morning for one of Sam’s daily park walks.

Since Sam was relatively new to the city, she hadn’t had time to make a lot of friends. She had been to the dog park a few times with Bear, but most of the other people there were weary of Bear’s size, although there was this one couple with a Tibetan Mastiff who were quite fond of Sam and Bear.

Since Sam didn’t have any ‘fitness freaks’, as Lena would put it, to accompany her during her morning walks, the responsibility fell to Lena, ever the generous friend. Lena’s alarm clock was no better in the early hours of the morning, but at least she could lounge around while getting ready for work, instead of walking around the park like a human popsicle. It wasn’t the coldest months of the year, but Lena was still sensitive to the chilly air of the morning, just waiting for the sun to rise and warm the city.

The worst part for Lena though was that Sam was used to the daily walking, so Lena had to practically sprint to keep up with Sam and her bear of a Bear.

“Sam, you _know_ I don’t like power waking!” Lena huffed, trailing behind Sam.

“Oh _please_. Do this every morning for five months and you’ll have an ass like a twenty year old girl” Sam said matter of factly, “And Kara will love it no doubt”.

Lena sighed. She really had to stop telling Sam about her meetings with Kara, it just gave Sam more material to use against her. It had been two days since their coffee, and Lena hadn’t heard anything from Kara since. Kara was giving Lena the time she asked for, but Lena still found herself at a stump of what she actually wanted.

Having Kara back in her life definitely felt as though the air was easier to breathe, when she wasn’t walking with Sam of course, and as though a weight was lifted off her chest, but Lena couldn’t guarantee that things would be okay this time around. And that’s what scared her.

If someone broke her trust, they would most likely never gain it back. Lena was even surprised in herself that she had given Kara time. Too many people had let her down in the past, but the past was what was driving her to give Kara another chance. _Their_ past. That was something to fight for, _right?._

Sam could see the cogs turning in Lena’s head, and she let out a smug chuckle. Lena was ripped from her thoughts immediately. “You’re disgusting, you know that?” She scolded.

“ _Truthful_ , you mean.” Sam corrected. “I’ve seen pictures of your girl, even seen her out and about—

“Wait” Lena interrupted, grabbing Sam’s arm. “You _stalked_ her?” Lena accused pointedly.

“What? _No!_ Stalking implies something really bad. I was merely curious for purposes I will not disclose. But let me tell you, _she_ has an ass like a twenty year old girl”. Sam grinned, as if imagining Kara then and there.

Lena felt a pang of anger that Sam would even begin to think of Kara in that way. Kara was more than just her perfectly sculpted— _No_. that’s exactly the kind of reaction Sam had wanted, and Lena fell yet again into the trap set by her insidious friend.

“ _Shut up_ , Sam!” Lena exclaimed, her cheeks a beet red, and not from the exercise. “Stop talking about her like that. She’s a person, not a piece of meat, and she’s not even my girl, so back off” Lena growled, her anger breaking through her diminishing power of self control.

“You sure like to defend her like she’s your girl” Sam quipped, arching her brow at Lena with a knowing look.

Lena was panting just as bad, if not more than Bear at that point. “Kara never was and probably never will be my girl. I don’t even know what we are...” she trailed.

“And that upsets you?” Sam asked, her tone losing _most_ of the humour it previously held.

“No... I mean... I dont know! I was the one who asked for time, to figure things out.” Lena explained, coming to a huffing stop.

“And have you?” Sam asked pointedly, stopping a few feet infront of Lena’s panting frame.

“It’s complicated” Lena groaned, wiping at a sheen of sweat coating her hairline.

Sam tilted her head and gave a tight lipped smile. “Well Lena, you know what they say?” She placed her hand on Lena’s shoulder.

“If it’s yellow let it mellow, if it’s brown flush it down?” Lena said hopefully, thinking this was just stupid question of Sam’s.

Sam removed her hand in an instant, a look of disgust crossing her face. “ _No! Ew!_ What’s wrong with you? That’s disgusting. What they say _is_ , there’s no time like the present.” Sam’s signature smirk came back, and she twirled Lena around on the spot, so she was facing an oncoming blonde and her two dogs. Lena recognised the blond immediately, and she felt her heart skip in her chest.

“Sam, no! What are you doing?!” Lena seethed, turning around and trying to back away, only to be stopped by Sam’s solid stance.

“Just go with it!” Sam seethed back, her frown immediately dropping into a gorgeous smile. “Kara! Hi! It is Kara, right?” Sam asked, extending her hand towards Kara.

Kara came to stop, removing her ear buds from her ears, her sweet scent still hurtling through the air and straight through Lena’s nostrils. Lena cursed Kara for how she could still look so ethereal, even with messy hair and sweaty skin on such a glum morning. Her kinky thoughts wandered off into a different scenario where Kara was messy, sweaty and out of breath, from a different kind of exercise.

Lena shook her head, and stood like a deer caught in the headlights, watching the internally awkward exchange between Kara and Sam. “Uh Yeah... you look familiar... weren’t you the representative from Highmore ?” Kara asked, taking Sam’s hand in her own.

“That’s me” Sam chirped, shaking Kara’s hand firmly.

“Oh cool...” Kara nodded, watching carefully between her own dogs and Sam’s. She gently pulled on her leashes, and her dog sat on the spot immediately.

“Trained I see” Sam commented.

Kara smiled, then nodded in return, her indecipherable gaze travelling between Lena and Sam. “What are you guys doing up so early?”.

Sam wrapped an arm tightly around Lena’s frame. “Well Lena couldn’t sleep and.... well, you know Lena” Sam said in a sing song tone, and Lena noticed the quick bob in Kara’s head, and how her face muscles were almost taut into a neutral position as if she were trying to refrain from showing emotion, “—and I suggested a morning walk, isn’t that right, _Schnookums?_ ” Sam turned to look at Lena with a wide, dopey grin.

 _That bitch_.

“I guess...” Lena mumbled, feeling awfully guilty at seeing a small frown pull to Kara’s face.

“So you guys are... still a thing” Kara asked, directing her question more towards Lena.

Sam started, “Oh, absolu—

“ _Shut up_ , Sam!” Lena quickly interrupted, elbowing Sam in her side. “We’re just friends, Kara. Sam is just being... insufferable at the moment. You will have to excuse her, she always acts out when she has cramps” Lena wrapped her free arm around Sam’s frame tightly aswell, indicating for her friend to shut up.

Kara didn’t look quelled at all, in fact, she looked more confused than she did before. “I don’t care if you are, I mean... you can date whoever you want to” Kara mumbled, playing with the leash handles.

“Thankyou” Sam said, meaningfully, swatting Lena on her rear.

Sam was relentless, and Lena hoped that her pointed glare which said ‘ _touch me again, and I’ll break your hand’_ , would be enough to give Sam a hint.

“I guess you won’t be available later on in the week then?” Kara asked, somewhat hopefully.

Sam started again. “That depends—

Lena responded with an even harder elbow to Sam’s side, and she watched the beginning of a smile creep onto Kara’s face. “Actually, I will be. I have no plans _whatsoever_ ” Lena said, glaring at Sam who was rubbing her side with a scowl.

A wave of relief washed over Kara’s face, and she joyously replied. “Okay, I’ll text you, then I can get the rest of that interview.” Kara said a little too eagerly, giving a once over of Lena’s fitness attire.

“Sounds like a plan” Lena nodded with a small smile.

Lena watched as Kara jogged off with her dogs on either side of her, waiting until she was out of ear shot before she gave Sam an _ear full_.

“Why the _hell_ did you do that, Sam! I fucking _hate_ you sometimes!” Lena fumed, whacking Sam harshly on the arm.

“Whoa, easy there _Mike Tyson_ ” Sam said, unimpressed. “Did you not see the way she looked at you? In fact, she couldn’t take her eyes off you. She was threatened by me, and she was jealous over you.” Sam said encouragingly.

“No she wasn’t, Sam” Lena mumbled. “I know Kara. She was anything but jealous. If anything she was mad”.

Sam scoffed. “Mad, jealous? It’s the same thing Lena”.

Lena shook her head.,“You know you’re really—

“Lena, honey, stop talking!” Sam interrupted, becoming more amused by the minute. “You’re sounding really stupid at the moment. About as stupid as Kara’s ‘ _I still need an interview_ ’ excuse to see you.” She spoke, in a way that she _thought_ was representative of Kara’s voice. “It’s a good thing Kara is jealous though, I mean, have you seen me?”

“Oh you’re so _very_ modest, Sam”. Lena rolled her eyes.

“I’m a little cocky, yeah” Sam agreed with a chuckle. “But at least I can see when a girl is lusting all over _my_ baby”.

Lena’s brows shot to the sky at how ridiculous Sam was being. “She was _not_ , Sam! You’re so full of it.”

“And you’ll be so full of Kara... later this week when she’s three knuckles deep in your—“ Sam didn’t have time to finish before Lena gave her another, even harder elbow to the side. Secretly, Lena was waiting for a snap which would shut Sam up indefinitely. She loved Sam, but she also really fucking hated Sam aswell.

“ _Ow!_ Fuck, Lena.” Lena gave Sam at satisfied grin, before Sam’s smirk reappeared, “—is what Kara will say while you’re—“

Again Sam didn’t have time to finish before Lena hooked her leg under Sam’s foot, effectively tripping her on the wet pavement.

“Just for that, you can walk home” Sam grunted, hauling herself up, and away from the onslaught of Bear’s vicious tongue attack.

* * *

Every now and then, as Lena went through the company files, she would find something relating to Lex, whether it was research he had worked on, pictures he had downloaded from many of the outlets L-Corp sponsored across the Nation, or even compilation fail videos from YouTube.

Lena recognised them immediately as belonging to Lex, and she always felt a swell in her heart thinking about her late brother. Lionel and Lillian were coping surprisingly well, Lionel had recently taken up fitness in his abundance of free time. He needn’t have sight when he had a professional with him at all times.

Lillian had started practicing medicine again, but had been staying local around Metropolis for Lionel’s sake, she was now his primary care taker. Lionel still liked his independence, and tried to be most of the time, but he still needed assistance. Lillian had mentioned that they might move out of the family estate to a more suitable home for Lionel, one that didn’t have a multitude of stair cases.

Often Lena wondered how difficult it must be for her mother to have to look after a blind man. She figured it would have put monumental stress on her parents relationship, but Lillian always reminded Lena; “I would fall in love with your father all over again even if he was deaf, a paraplegic, or a quadriplegic. His eye sight is only a portion of who he is, and I didn’t fall in love with his vision, I fell in love with his heart”.

Lena was incredibly envious of the love her parents shared. She would like to think that she might love someone that much one day, but it seemed to feel as though that day may never come. It did make it difficult that many people who did throw themselves at Lena were unaware of her sexuality, and had an extra body part. Obviously, as Lena hadn’t, and wouldn’t by her own doing share that information.

The only people who knew of her sexuality were her friends, and those obviously from high school. And everyone knows how a relationship with one of your friends turns out. It wasn’t a major desire in Lena’s life at the moment, she was too busy with her company after all, but she would like to eventually settle down with someone who could love her as Lena, not her title or wealth.

Everyone else seemed to throw themselves at Lena for their fifteen minutes of fame. The Luthor name was notorious, it meant power, wealth, and connections. Many people out there were only looking for that, not the person beneath the surface. Who knows, Lena may have to consider Sam’s plan of settling down alone with a sperm doner, or maybe a surrogate.

It would be nice to think that in ten years time Lena would be married, or with kids, after all, Lena was twenty four and still unattached. She knew she was still young, but everyone she knew was either in along term relationship, was married, had plans of a family or marriage. Time had only begun to speed up since leaving high school, and if you don’t do the things you want to, it may be too late when you finally do.

Look at where that got Lex. His life was over too soon, and he never got the chance to have a wife, or a family. Life was cruel, and if there was one thing Lex taught Lena, it was that you have to take every opportunity when it presents itself. Especially when it came to Kara. Lena realised that maybe seeing Kara after all this time was fate, or even luck, but it was an opportunity which presented itself, and she was glad that things between them had started looking up, rather than down.

It had been a day since Lena’s run in with Kara at the park, and Kara still hadn’t called like she said she would. It didn’t bug Lena, they were busy in their lives, but it was that lingering doubt that maybe they had waited too long to make things right, despite Lena’s new found confidence in taking opportunities.

Lena wasn’t expecting any visitors throughout the day, so a knock on her door wasn’t uncommon. But it certainly was with who was standing behind the door.

“Miss Luthor?” Jess’s soft voice seeped through the door. “There is a Tess Mercer here to see you”.

Accompanied by Jess’s voice, a recogniseable face strode through the open doors of Lena’s office, a face which used to be the one dating her brother. But Lena thought they had broken up after senior year, with the stress that college put on their relationship. It wasn’t an expected visit, but it was a welcomed one.

Unlike another redhead Lena knew, Rhonda, Tess was actually always respectful and nice in the few times she associated with Lena. Tess had a kind heart, her resumè in charity work would certainly tell anyone that. Tess was the face of a small charity relief group which aimed at raising money for those affected by natural disasters.

Lena had donated a few times to the charity, even before being coronated as CEO of L-Corp. But she doubted whether Tess’s work in charity is what brought her through Lena’s doors.

“Lena, thankyou for seeing me on such short notice” Tess praised, a look of uncertainty written on her features.

Lena stood to greet her visitor. “Tess, it’s a pleasure. Please have a seat” Lena gestured to the chair opposite her own.

Tess looked between the chair and Lena before respectfully declining. “No that’s fine, thankyou, I won’t be staying long. I just came to give you this” Tess held out a USB, and a diamond ring in the palm of her hand.

“I don’t understand...” Lena shook her head in confusion.

“The ring is what Lex used when he proposed, he said it belonged to your Great, Great, Great Grandmother. It only seems fair that I return it, as I won’t be using it....” Lena nodded, looking at the ring more closely and recognising it to be her grandmother’s ring. However, she never knew Lex proposed to Tess, never even knew they were back together.

Perhaps there were some things about Lex’s life that Lena didn’t know, maybe she didn’t know Lex like she thought she did.

“And the flash drive?” Lena asked.

“Lex asked me to give it to you when you were ready. He didn’t tell me anything other than I’ll know...” Tess spoke, her voice dropping an octave with the mention of her fiancè’s name.

“Oh... Thankyou, Tess”. The redhead nodded and began shuffling away to the door.

“Oh, and Tess?” Lena called.

The redhead glanced back at Lena. “If you need anything, you know where to find me”.

Tess smiled slightly at Lena’s offer. “Thankyou, Lena. But that won’t be necessary, I’m leaving for Australia in a few days. But I wish you well”.

Rather than being consumed by her work like she usually was, Lena was consumed by the contents of the flash drive well and truly after Tess left. She had been staring at it for over an hour, wondering what Tess possibly meant by; “Lex asked me to give it to you when you were ready”.

Ready for _what?_ If Lex had something to say, why didn’t he say it when he was alive? Lena’s curiosity got the better of her eventually, and she found herself fumbling to plug the drive into the flash port. After a few moments of reading the contents, a picture of Lex appeared on Lena’s computer screen, except it was a picture, it was a video.

There Lex sat, smiling his goofy grin at the camera, and Lena’s heart broke all over again. He looked healthy, nothing like he looked in the last few months of his life. But when he spoke, Lena’s heart absolutely shattered. She didn’t realise she was crying until Lex mentioned something about tissues in the video.

“ _Lena, my favourite sister. You may want some tissue’s, I have mine here—_ ”

Lex held up some scrunched up tissues, and Lena held in a laugh while she searched her draws for a tissue box.

“ _If you’re watching this, it means that things didn’t go exactly to plan, I’m in the ground and you are now the owner of L-Corp—_ “

Lena wiped at her eyes viciously. She _hated_ her brother for this. How could he be so calm and collected in the video, knowing the pain it would cause Lena when she watched it. But Lex knew Lena all too well.

“ _Please don’t hate me though. Think of this as your coronation congratulations. I never told you any of this when I was dying, because I knew you wouldn’t be ready, heck, I wasn’t ready—_ “

Lex began sniffling, dabbing at his eyes before laughing some. Lena mirrored his actions, Lex never like to be the vulnerable one, the ‘sook’.

“ _I hope you’re not a complete zombie, and have used your tissues at least once—_ “

He joked, struggling to say what would come next.

“ _I knew I was dying well before I told you guys. I didn’t make the decision I did lightly, I dont even expect you guys to understand it. What I never told you was that while I was sick, I proposed to Tess. I met up with her a few months before I found out I was sick. It was just like high school, Lee, I know that you know how it feels when you love someone that much. So I asked Tess to marry me, then I had to ask something of her that I shouldn’t of ever had to. I asked Tess to wait, to wait until you were ready before giving you this video. I’m assuming whatever it is you have done is a genius, and has changed the world. You always were the smart one—“_

Lex clasped his hands infront of him, looking towards the ceiling, trying to compose himself.

“ _The company was passed to you because I was the one who encouraged mother to do it. While the board members are trustworthy, they are not Luthor’s, and they are not my family. I knew you could do the things not me, or father could do if given the chance. I know the journey has been tough for you, and it will continue to be. No CEO gets by without having problems here and there. But you deserve all the success and recognition in the world. You are brilliant Lee, and I should have told you more how proud I was to be your brother, how proud I still am—_ “

The steady tears began flowing down Lena’s face.

“ _You never needed me, you were always the stronger one, the resilient one, the smarter one. You are amazing Lena Luthor, and I hope the world gets to know just how amazing you are. I love you, and even though I’m not there, I will always be with you. Always, in here—_ “

Lex motioned to his chest with his hand, smiling softly into the camera.

“ _Whatever the world throws at you, throw it right back, because you determine when you go in life. Keep up the good work, and don’t forget the things that mean the most to you. If you do, I might just haunt you—_ “

Lena couldn’t help the laugh that poured from her lips.

“ _I love you, Lee, always._ ”.

The screen went blank, and Lena didn’t know how long she was staring at it, crying like a blubbering mess. She wanted Lex to tell her in person all the things he just did, she wanted her brother and his cynical sense of humour to be with her, but he wasn’t. Lex had said it himself, he was gone, right where Lena didn’t want him.

Yet somehow, that video, while giving her heartache, had relieved so much of the long term heartache that had been swelling it’s way through her heart. Somehow, knowing that Lex, while dead, was proud of her, only made her that much more proud of herself.

It was exactly what she had _needed_ to hear, but not what she had _wanted_ , only because it reminded her that her brother was gone. Lena removed the flash drive, then placed it in a biometric safe in her office. She debated showing her parents, but figured they wouldn’t benefit from it, it would only serve to cause more pain for them. But for Lena, it was the opposite.

She understood the undertones of what he was trying to say, ever the nosey brother. But she thanked him, it only reminded her of the things she had been denying herself for so long. Even in death Lex still told her what to do, he was the _ultimate_ brother.

Lena continued to work through her lunch break, signing off on deliveries, responding to emails, approving designs from employee’s, sending new directives to L-Corp’s such branches. She almost missed the vibrating of her phone upon her glass desk.

 

_**2:15pm Unknown:** _

_Hey, what are you doing later tonight?_

**_2:16:pm Lena:_ **

_Kara?_

**_2:16pm Kara:_ **

_Yes, sorry! It’s me!_

**_2:17pm Lena:_ **

_I didn’t have anything planned._

**_2:19pm Kara:_ **

_Well I know this is short notice, I would have asked her yesterday, but Snapper had me rewrite an article eight times! Can you believe that man! Anyway, would you like to come out with me tonight? :)_

**_2:20pm Lena:_ **

_Even a good word from me can’t save you from the wrath of Snapper, be careful!_

_  
And I would. Where abouts?_

**_2:25pm Kara:_ **

_65 Northwick Ave. 7pm. Dress casual._

Lena smirked to herself as she read the address. Wherever Lex was, he was definitely smiling too.

* * *

What Lena hadn’t done, which she really should have done, was check what exactly was at the address that Kara had given her. Lena left for her apartment at around three o’clock. She had showered, had a small evening meal, put on some light makeup, curled her Raven locks, then threw on some tight fitting black jeans, a black top, and a maroon jacket.

She had sent a picture to Sam to double check if her outfit was _too_ fancy for casual, and after an onslaught of useless gibberish, Sam settled on ‘sheik’, which Lena assumed was a good thing.

Despite her previous meet ups with Kara, she couldn’t help but feel nervous about this one. It was night time for starters, which Sam had told Lena that it would one hundred percent be a date based on the time of day alone. Combined with the fact that Kara had actually, literally used the words ‘come’ and ‘out’, meant that it was also a date.

While Sam was convinced it was, Lena wasn’t too sure. It was too early in their mending relationship for it to be a date, but it didn’t stop the nerves from coming in at full force.

Rather than have her driver take her, Lena opted for just catching a taxi, since it was casual, and she didn’t know if they were going to be having drinks throughout the night. It wasn’t that long of a drive, if you don’t consider the six-thirty traffic delays. Lena was walking along Northwick Avenue before she knew it, wondering if she was going to a restaurant, bowling alley, movie theatre, art gallery, whatever Kara had in mind.

Surely it had to of been somewhere quiet at least, since Kara still had a few questions she had to ask. So, Lena settled on a restaurant of some kind, or perhaps a night time cafe. It wasn’t until she saw a large, flashing sign jutting out from a building, and Kara beneath it, leaning up against the wall that she realised Kara had asked her to the movies.

Kara still hadn’t noticed Lena, and was sliding what looked to be tickets between her fingers. Lena took Kara in, her tight black jeans and blueish sweater, surely Kara had to of been ‘sheik’ aswell. Lena came to a stop infront of Kara, the blonde _still_ not noticing her.

“Kara?” Lena nudged Kara’s shoulder.

Kara almost jumped at the contact, but her smile widened, and her eyes warmed when she saw it was Lena infront of her.

“The movies? Really?” Lena asked. “I don’t think this is the best environment for an interview, Kara”.

Kara smiled guiltily. “Well you see, I kind of don’t have any questions, I just wanted to see you again. And I know how much you love horror movies, and there’s this one movie showing that looks totally freaky and I just thought—

“Kara. It’s fine.” Lena interrupted Kara from her nervous rambling. “Thankyou for inviting me”.

Kara grinned even wider, and handed Lena a ticket. “I already got the tickets, if you want popcorn or drinks, I can get those too?”

Lena shook her head. “That’s okay, I had a little bit of food before I came”.

“Oh” Kara said, momentarily deflating before perking right back up. “Well I’m going to get some! You can just have some of mine if you feel like it”.

Lena followed Kara into the theatre line, and watched as Kara eagerly waited for her food. She was like a kid in the candy store, bobbing from side to side impatiently. When they reached the front, she all but ran to the next available clerk.

They took there seats in the warm theatre shortly after, Kara’s extreme combo meal sitting between them, and her leg bouncing nervously. Lena had almost forgotten that Kara hated horror movies, or anything to do with haunted houses, ghosts or supernatural creatures. Yet, Kara had taken her _specifically_ to see a movie like that, knowing that Lena absolutely _loved_ those kinds of movies.

* * *

Perhaps taking Lena to a horror movie wasn’t the best of ideas. Before Kara texted her earlier that day, she had no idea where to ask Lena, and it took Alex to actually stop her from texting until she had a plan.

“Lena Luthor is a plan kind of a girl” Alex said. Kara racked her brain on all the places she could take Lena, places that weren’t too suggestive or too forward, but then again, seeing a horror movie wasn’t the smartest choice either.

She wasn’t always afraid of horror movies, in fact, Kara had lived for horror movies when she was a child. Her mother and father used to set up a recording of a horror movie each Friday night, and the family would enjoy the suspense while stuffing their faces full of popcorn.

It wasn’t until Kara was adopted by the Danvers, that a practical joke turned her love for horror movies into a nightmare. During the period when she was new to the family, and Alex and her didn’t see eye to eye, Kara had been sleeping one night in her shared room with Alex.

She turned over, and noticed Alex wasn’t in her bed. Kara let it be, until she heard some muffling coming from outside their room. Jeremiah and Eliza were having date night, so calling out to them wasn’t an option. After calling out to Alex, and receiving no response, Kara decided to investigate.

A few more muffled noises were heard, along with some rattles and thuds. It genuinely sounded like their was a commotion happening, and Kara was frightened for her new sister and herself. Having just lost her own family, Kara was extremely sensitive and fragile.

She followed the noises down stairs, then stopped in her tracks when she saw a red liquid covering the floor, and some red footprints. She later discovered it was just expensive prop makeup, but at the time, it looked like blood. Kara followed the mess into the kitchen where her heart dropped into her stomach at the scene.

A convincing Alex was lying face down on the floor, covered in prop blood. Kara shrieked and made way to sprint upstairs, but a pair of large arms circled around her, to which Kara later found out was one of Alex’s stoner friends. Using the technique her father taught her, Kara brought her knee directly up between the person’s legs, then wrestled out of their grip.

She raced upstairs and into her room, locking the door and completely unaware of another one of Alex’s friends who had snuck into their room. Their face was obscured behind a mask and they made a movement to lunge at Kara.

Kara had never screamed so loud in her life, loud enough that she woke the neighbours on either side of her house. Eliza and Jeremiah came home not long after receiving a call from the police about intruders in their home. While Alex tried to explain to Jeremiah that it was a joke, Eliza was left to comfort a petrified Kara.

After that day, Kara’s love for horror movies had never returned. She didn’t like to say she was traumatised, but the reality was that she was. Alex still remembered that day, and still regretted it all these years later, but Kara never held it against her sister. Kara gave as good as she got back then, but she just happened to get the worst of the consequences.

Perhaps if Kara wasn’t in such an emotionally vulnerable state, her reaction wouldn’t of been as severe, but there wasn’t much she could do. She had adapted to tolerate horror movies as the years went by, but it didn’t mean she enjoyed them one bit.

Kara had lost count of how many times she had inadvertently reached for Lena’s hand on reflex, or how many times she cowered into Lena’s shoulder. It got so bad that she actually knocked the popcorn off the arm rest and straight onto Lena’s crotch.

Being the clutz she was, Kara tried to help remove the offending popcorn, not at all realising where exactly she was almost groping. Nor did she realise Lena trying to stifle a laugh in her haste. Kara felt absolutely mortified, thankfully though, a break came when Kara had to make a bathroom run, her near empty extreme cola as her evidence.

She raced to the bathrooms and immediately dialled Alex, not wasting a second in telling Alex how she had practically groped Lena.

 _“Damn, little Danvers! Jumping to third base already are you? You sure move quick!”_ Maggie cheered through the phone.

Kara began pacing in the bathroom. “Shut up, shut up, shut up! It’s not funny! This is bad, this is so bad”.

“ _Kara calm down_ ” Alex coaxed.

“ _No!_ I wanted this date to go well, and now she probably thinks I want to get in her pants!” Kara exclaimed, running her hand through her hair as if it would alleviate some stress.

“ _So it is a date?_ ” Maggie sounded again.

Kara’s eyes widened, as she noticed her slip up. “No...”

“ _No, you just said it was a date_ ” Maggie pressed.

“Not, it’s not” Kara said with more sass than usual. “I’m hanging up now!”.

Kara quickly made her way back the theatre after doing her business, not wanting to keep Lena waiting. Before she made it to the isle, she felt a buzz in her pocket. She pulled her phone out to show a text from Alex.

 

_**7:53pm Alex:** _

_Just be yourself, Kara. Good luck!_

 

Kara smiled, depositing her phone back in her pocket. She took her seat quickly, giving Lena a warm smile as she passed. Thankfully Kara didn’t trip over Lena’s bag or anything, but that would of been better than when Kara reached for Lena’s hand on impulse, and instead grasped Lena’s thigh.

She was glad the cinema was at least dark, that way Lena couldn’t see the way her cheeks lit up like a Christmas festival. Once the movie ended Kara and Lena walked out into the chill of the night. It wasn’t too late, and Kara didn’t want their not-date to end quite so soon.

“You know you didn’t really have to choose a horror movie. You practically missed the whole thing” Lena mentioned, the pair walking side by side without really having a destination.

“Are you kidding? Demons, apparitions, scary dolls....” Kara trailed unconvincingly, Lena giving her a knowing look. “Well you like horror movies, so what can I do?” Kara relented.

While Lena everything else about Kara’s childhood, Kara never told Lena of her incident with Alex.

Lena raised her brows at Kara. “That’s quite brave of you”.

“Oh you know, anything to impress _milady_ ” Kara curtseyed, and Lena couldn’t help but laugh. The sound caused a warmth to spread throughout Kara’s body.

“Do you need a ride home? We can catch a cab together” Lena offered, after a few moments of silence.

“Oh no that’s okay, I like to walk.” Kara assured, fixing her glasses. “Besides I’m not too far away. If you want, we can go back to mine?” Kara asked apprehensively.

Lena stopped in her tracks, pulling her phone out to gage the time. “I should be heading home, it’s getting quite late” Lena murmured, and Kara couldn’t help but notice the disappointment in Lena’s voice.

“Even for a little while?” Kara insisted. “We’re only a block away and my dogs have been wanting to spend some time with you since the park...” Kara admitted shyly, hoping Lena would pick up on her undertone.

Thankfully Lena did. “Your dogs huh?” She nudged Kara’s shoulder.

“Yeah... you’re all they can think about.” Kara said dramatically, receiving an eye roll in return. “I have some drinks aswell, if that’s also an incentive?”.

“By drinks, you mean actual _drinks_ , right? None of that cheap moscato, or vodka cruisers?” Lena queried.

Kara chuckled. “I might have a fifteen year old bottle of scotch that I never intended to open, until tonight.”

“ _Kara Danvers_ , a whiskey kind of girl?” Lena said slyly, sculpting a brow.

Kara could feel the heat rising to her cheeks at their playful banter. “ _No!_ Not at all. On my twenty first, I inherited everything my parents left me. They left everything for Eliza and Jeremiah to keep in a fund until I turned twenty-one. Along with family relics, sentimental items and wealth, I inherited my parents scotch selection.”

Lena nodded, following Kara into a building which she presumed was Kara’s apartment. They rode the elevator in silence, sharing small glances at each other. Kara rocked back and fourth on her feet, her hands behind her back. _The elevator ride doesn’t usually take this long_ , she thought. At least there was no awkward elevator music to not set the scene.

Lena followed Kara out of the elevator, and down the end of the hall to the last apartment. Kara stopped abruptly and turned to face Lena with a serious look.

“Be prepared” was all Kara said.

Lena was confused as to what it meant, until Kara opened to door and she was attacked by a large body, and a much smaller one. Kara was laughing in the background, watching Lena fawn all over her dogs. She ushered them in and hung  her jacket up, taking Lena’s in the process.

Eventually the dogs settled down on the rug by the couch. Lena was covered in dog hair, and Kara knew better than to try and help her brush it off this time. Instead she handed Lena a sticky roller.

“I’m sorry. They’re trained but they just get so excited when they smell food or people” Kara said, pulling out some scotch glasses from the cupboard, along with what looked to definitely be an expensive bottle.

“It’s fine” Lena assured, taking a seat on the stools by Kara’s kitchen island.

Kara tilted her head towards the couch near the electrical fire place in silent question. Lena got the clue and joined Kara underneath the mass of rugs and blankets, Lexa and Schnitzel snoring softly beside them.

“You know I actually wanted a dog” Lena mentioned, reminiscing of when Lex got her a car instead.

Kara filled the glasses to the brim, and Lena had to stifle at laugh on Kara’s pouring technique. “What would you call him, or her?” Kara asked, oblivious.

“Oisin” Lena said, accepting her glass from Kara.

Kara took a sip and made a face at the strength of the alcohol. “Hmm that’s an interesting name”. She said, licking her lips and placing her glass down on the coffee table.

Lena nodded in agreement. “Yeah it’s different, but aren’t pet names supposed to be? I mean, you wouldn’t call your pet Richard, or Jackson, or Susan, or Jessica”.

Kara smiled, and rested her elbow on the back of the couch, then her head in her palm. “That’s true. So why haven’t you gotten a dog?”.

“I never really had the time, and I still don’t. One day though, I’d like to get one. A rescue greyhound probably” Lena took a sip from her glass, swirling the brown liquid around.

“I’m sure they will be the most spoiled dog in the world with you as their owner!” Kara encouraged.

“Oh I dont know. Your pups seem a little spoiled aswell“ Lena motioned to the floor where Lexa and Schnitzel were currently wrapped up in each other. “The one thing I couldn’t get use to though is the shedding. I’m not a hair person so a greyhound would be _perfect_ ” Lena emphasised.

“Tell me about it” Kara groaned, reaching for her glass again. “Lexa sheds a kilo a day at least! I think she does it just to spite me. Schnitzel isn’t so bad”.

Lena laughed, looking back down towards the dogs in adoration. Even they had more affection in their lives than she did. “How old are they again?” Lena asked, turning back to Kara .

“Uhh, coming up on nine” Kara stuttered from the intensity of Lena’s gaze.

“Sounds like they’ve had a good long life so far” Lena raised her glass in salute, grinning at Kara.

“Yeah...” Kara chuckled, clinking her glass with Lena’s before looking downward towards their sleeping bodies. “I don’t like thinking about them not being around. They have a few years left at least I hope, but anything can happen in a few years. I love them, they are the most important fur balls in my life and they always will be”. Kara took a big gulp of her scotch, scrunching up her face in distaste.

Lena gave her an impressed look before downing her glass and setting it upon the table with a smug grin. Kara shook her head with an amusedly. “Everything is a competition with you” she said jokingly.

Lena winked at Kara, and watched as the blonde nervously shifted in her spot. Their legs were underneath them and gently brushing against each other, applying the most comforting friction. Kara made a motion pour Lena more until Lena stopped her.

“Here, let me.” Lena took the bottle from Kara, then poured some in her glass and held the glass up infront of Kara. “This is one finger”, then Lena made motion to pour a little more. “This is two fingers. None of that brim reaper crap you poured before. This is how you drink scotch”.

Kara scoffed in amusement. “ _Brim reaper?_ ” She repeated.

“Yes” Lena responded, with an amusing condescension. “It is what we _professional_ scotch drinkers like to call those who can’t pour scotch”. Lena motioned around the room as if to emphasise her point.

Kara scoffed again. “Well, okay. _Excuse me_ then. I didn’t realise we had the _Queen_ of scotch on the premises. My apologies, your _Hiney_ ”.

Kara and Lena both broke out into a unison of laughter, inadvertently leaning closer towards one another as they had their cackling match.

Lena flicked her hair back over her shoulder dramatically. “The queen of Scotchland do you mean?” She spoke, in her best Scottish accent, which was surprisingly good.

“Oh gosh” Kara wiped at a tear in her eye, still trying to control her laughter. “I’m never usually this much of a lightweight”.

Lena laughed even harder. “I mean... you did chug back... a full glass of scotch...” Lena wheezed.

After what seemed as though an hour of laughing, the pair finally settled down, thanks to the growling of Lexa who’s sleep had been rudely interrupted.

“Sorry, Lexa” Lena whispered, trying to pat Lexa, but ending up misjudging the distance, and patting the air instead in her tipsy state.

The pair had managed to finish off even more scotch while laughing themselves silly. “I think I may have laughed my way to abs” Lena off-handedly commented.

“You and me both” Kara responded, still giggling away.

The hype had eventually settled down, and the pair were seated with a half empty bottle of scotch, and a dull buzz spreading around the room.  
  
“What are your thoughts on Flashmob?” Kara asked, sitting up with her hands in her lap.

Lena was startled by Kara’s sudden movement. “You mean those publicly staged dramatic, impromptu dance numbers?” She asked, nestling herself into the pillows on the couch.

“Exactly, _those publicly staged dramatic, impromptu dance numbers_ ” Kara reiterated, bouncing on the couch to stir Lena up.

Lena groaned, then arose from her position so she was face to face with Kara. “I mean, I’ve never seen one, only online. I guess they’re impressive.”

“You’ve _never_ seen a Flashmob before?!” Kara exclaimed.

Lena’s face scrunched at the sudden increase in volume. “Why is that such a surprise? You know how busy I am” Lena explained, extending her arms.

“I’m sorry, it’s just.... you’ve lived in National City how long? And you still haven’t seen a Flashmob!?” Kara asked incredulously, almost as if she was offended.

Lena chuckled at Kara’s outburst. “No, Kara. I’m sorry I’m not that exciting. I’m a Flashmob virgin” Lena said proudly.

Kara looked almost horrified, and released an audible gasp. Her jaw was slack for long enough that Lena thought she may have died. “National City has a Flashmob association for balls sake!” Kara waved her hands in frustration.

“For _balls?_ ” Lena repeated, amused. “Sorry to be a disappointment, Kara”.

Kara sighed, tilting her head to size Lena up. “I guess I can forgive you, on one condition!” Kara perked up.

“And what’s that?” Lena asked reluctantly.

”We need to rectify this situation immediately. We need a rectification. Lena, I’m taking your virginity” Kara said with much enthusiasm.

Lena choked on the water which had replaced the scotch the pair were previously drinking. “ _Excuse me?_ ” Lena asked, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Your Flashmob virginity, you spaz” Kara flicked Lena’s nose. “There’s one happening at the park tomorrow at noon, and you’re coming. I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer”.

Lena smirked. “Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of it being _impromptu_ if I know about it? I mean I could tell anyone this confidential information. I could tell the whole of National City.” Lena said matter of factly, challenging Kara.

“So that’s a ‘yes’ then?” Kara asked, giving Lena a dopey grin.

Lena relented and nodded her head. “Would you like me to watch one with you, Kara? So you can ‘ _take my virginity_ ’” She emphasised.

“Well not exactly per say...” Kara trailed. “The watching part you’ll have to do on your own because I will kind of be in it” Kara voice rose an octave at the end.

“ _Kara Danvers_ does Flashmob?” Lena asked, genuinely surprised.

“Yeah... why?” Kara wondered.

“No reason...” Lena responded, deep in thought. “It’s just, I think I might have seen you do one years ago”. Kara’s brows rose in question, and Lena continued, “At the time I had no idea it was you, but I guess with this interesting news you’ve informed me of, it was. There was a Flashmob going crazy on the internet and I watched it with a few theatre kids in my first year of college”.

“ _Lena Luthor_ did theatre in college?” Kara ask, mocking Lena’s surprise from before.

“Okay, smart arse” Lena joked. “I only did it for a bit, just for some fun during my down time”.

“That’s a shocker...” Kara said sarcastically, sipping her water.

“What is?” Lena asked.

Kara tilted her head back in amusement. “You and your ‘ _down time_ ’. I would’ve figured your down time would be when you were sleep, oh and also when you were asleep”.

“ _Hey!_ ” Lena exclaimed, slapping Kara’s arm lightly. “I like to keep busy. Besides, there was a lot on my mind...” Lena’s voice dropped at the sudden change in direction of the conversation.

Kara sighed, the joy disappearing from her face. The atmosphere had become considerably cooler than how it was before. “Lena... I can’t keep apologising. It happened okay, but I can’t change the way things were. I can’t keep resurfacing the past. You don’t need to remind me, trust me, I felt it the same as you” Kara murmured, looking everywhere but at Lena.

Lena gulped, realising she had been the one to potentially ruin one of the best nights she’d had in a _long_ time. It wasn’t fair on Kara, and she knew it. The blonde had slumped so she was leaning her side into the couch, still facing Lena, but with her arms across her chest in defence.

“I know, Kara” Lena said regrettably, urging Kara to look at her. The moment Kara’s soft blue eyes looked up at her, she continued. “I don’t want to keep resurfacing the past, but you have to understand that during that time was the hardest of my life. It’s not something I can move on from, no matter how much ground we seem to be making now, or how much fun I’ve had tonight. I’m glad we’re okay now, but I wasn’t okay then. It’s a reflex, a defence mechanism that I mention it. I don’t do it purposely”. Lena spoke softly.

“I know....” Kara murmured. “Friends?” She asked, stretching her hand out shyly.

“Friends”. Lena took Kara’s hand in her own, her thumb gently caressing Kara’s skin in comfort.

As Kara held Lena’s hand in the palm of her own, she submitted to the idea of being friends again, and she was happy that Lena had too. Being friends was enough, at least for now.

“Anyway, you have to come to the park!” Kara quickly changed topics, sensing the air becoming heated again. “I still can’t believe you haven’t seen a Flashmob! Away with the Flashmob virginity! It’s time to pop that cherry!” Kara waved her hand dramatically, as if actually waving off Lena’s virginity.

“ _Jesus!_ ” Lena groaned, resting her head in her hands.

Kara dismissed Lena’s embarrassed reaction. “Nope! No Jesus, only Flashmob. You’ll be so into it Lena, I promise! It’s gonna be a big one too because one of the long standing founders is moving to Italy with his family, so it will be a massive goodbye for him”.

“I can’t wait” Lena said sarcastically, relenting as Kara tugged her hands away from her face.

Kara began bouncing up and down on the couch with joy, but her joy was short lived when they both realised it was coming up on twelve o’clock. Kara offered Lena to crash at her apartment, or to pay a cab for Lena, but Lena assured Kara that her driver could get her.

After nine years apart, the pair finally held each other in tentative embrace at first, which quickly turned into an intimate one by the door of Kara’s building. They held each other properly for the first time in nine years, completely aware that _friends_ don’t hug the way they did, but they didn’t care.

It was a hug they both needed, a hug they deserved. One full of all the suppressed love and adoration they couldn’t yet express otherwise.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve seen some comments with people being a tad upset with Lena, and while I completely understand, you have to realise that in terms of mistakes, Kara and Lena are not equivalent so to speak. Neither are perfect, but we have seen Lena reach out and be ignored. Her reaction, while not ideal was warranted. And this chapter we saw them both try and overcome their mistakes. They still have their trust and relationship to build but that is yet to come. Now we will continue to see them grow and find their way together (because we all know Supercorp is endgame!).
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the jealous Kara this chapter. I saw some comments about that last update, and while including Sam wasn’t part of my original plan, I wanted to include it as you guys suggested! Aswell as not writing Lena as being petty or instigating it, it’s Sam’s fault! So kudos to the readers who gave me such inspiration!
> 
> I don’t like swearing in general writing if it’s out of conversation, but sometimes it’s unavoidable and makes more sense to emphasise a point. If you picked up on that this chapter, it’s not a common thing or something I do, it’s just a one off. In conversation however, you gotta be prepared for a few f-bombs ;)
> 
> Thankyou for reading and supporting this fiction! Until next time x
> 
> P.S. interesting fact while I was trying to come up with a catchy shop motto for Noonan’s, I found out their is a genome mutation called Noonan Syndrome :O


	16. I’ll Be Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Warning* There is a heavy amount of angst in this chapter. So please don’t hate me for it, it will be worth it ;) just think about how hot the smut will be.
> 
> For all of the light that I shut out  
> For all of the innocent things that I doubt  
> For all of the bruises I've caused and the tears  
> For all of the things that I've done all these years  
> And all  
> Yeah, for all of the sparks that I stomped out  
> For all of the perfect things that I doubt
> 
> I'll be good, I'll be good  
> And I'll love the world, like I should  
> Yeah, I'll be good, I'll be good  
> For all of the times I never could

Either there was a rock concert going on in her head, or this was what a terrible hangover felt like.

If feeling the way she did was how people always felt after a night of scotch, Kara vowed she would _never_ drink it again. She might as well give the bottle to Lena to save herself the enormous headache she was currently suffering. Not that Kara had never had a hangover before, in fact she had, many times over, just never to this degree.

During her first year at college, her new found friends had held so many parties that Kara was surprised her entire body didn’t become a bottle of alcohol. Surely the amount of alcohol she consumed that year would of had detrimental effects on her liver. Alex certainly wasn’t happy each time Kara was brought her by her more sober friends.

For Kara’s penance, Alex took some very unflattering photos each time Kara was brought home, and she threatened to send them to Eliza every time Kara stepped out of line so to speak. Kara was living under Alex’s roof after all.

However, Kara was grateful. She had never once had to deal with the embarrassment of approaching someone after drinking too much and throwing up somewhere where she shouldn’t have thrown up. One of her more eccentric party animal friends, Oliver, had to deal with that embarrassment on numerous occasions.

He wasn’t the worst that Kara had seen in her younger years, but it still wasn’t pretty. Kara partly believes he moved to Star City as his reputation in many of National City’s nightclubs had been irreparably damaged. As it turned out, money could _not_ buy him everything, maybe a few shots and and entry fee, but not a new reputation.

Still, Kara was always reasonably good with hangovers the morning after a night out, often times because she was force fed water and hangover pills before she passed out. Whenever she did have a hangover, it was always a mild headache, or a dull feeling in her stomach which disappeared by lunch time. Nothing that a few pieces of toast and a weak tea couldn’t fix.

This time, Kara didn’t think she’d be so lucky.

The water she consumed last night was no where near enough to battle the thunderous pounding in her head when she woke. She felt as if her head was about to explode at any minute, and her stomach didn’t fair much better. A rock concert in her head, and a funeral in her stomach was an apt description.

Opening her eyes caused an immense pain, sitting up caused an immense pain, even breathing cause an immense pain.

If Kara could, she’d turn herself into a statue, so she wouldn’t have to move or breathe. But then the memories of last night came back to her, and suddenly she didn’t want to become a statue anymore, suddenly her headache didn’t feel so bad either.

She remembered the way Lena held her, and she in return held Lena. She remembered the feeling of Lena being safely secured in her arms, while her friend’s head rested against her shoulder. She remembered her body being flush with Lena’s in the most criminally intimate embrace she’d ever experienced.

She remembered the way Lena’s forest eyes looked up at her with so much adoration once they detached, and the way she looked down at Lena, still having a height difference over her after all those years.

Then she remembered the way her heart began to swell with longing when Lena was only a few seconds gone, in a way that doesn’t justify the word ‘friend’, but something far deeper.

She replayed those memories over and over again on instinct, as though part of her felt it would never happen again, or part of her felt it was all a dream and she imagined the whole thing. Her headache, however, said otherwise.

Kara pulled herself out of bed, despite the headache which returned like an atomic explosion in her brain. Her Flashmob wasn’t until the afternoon, so it gave her time to manage her hangover a bit better.

Hopefully Lena wouldn’t poke too much fun if Kara suddenly had to stop to empty her stomach while performing. She wondered how Lena was going, if she even remembered being invited to the Flashmob.

It sounded as though Lena was quite used to a night on the rocks, what with the way she so expertly explained the art of pouring scotch, and the way she called herself a professional scotch drinker.

Just like that though, her happy mood was replaced with a sour one, accompanied by her ringtone blaring through the wake of the morning, and Alex’s name flashing on the screen.

Kara debated letting the call go to voicemail, but she knew it would only prompt Alex to call another fifty times until she answered. Before Kara could even get a greeting out, Alex was bombarding her over the end of the line.

_“Tell me what happened?!”_

_“Did you kiss!?”_

_“Did she go home with you?!”_

_“Did you make it to fourth base, Little D!? Did you even give her the D?!”_ Kara recognised Maggie’s voice _._

_“Did you—“_

Kara hung up the line before her over enthusiastic sister, and Maggie could bombard her even further. Before Kara could even put her phone down, the damn thing started ringing again. And just like before, Kara was bombarded again.

_“Come on, Little Danvers, we want the details! The dirty rotten details of how you took Lena home and bent her over your—“_

_“Maggie!”_ Kara shrieked. “I swear to Christ if you both don’t shut up right now, so help me!”.

The line went silent for a few moments. _“Calm down, Danvers. We just want to know what happened to our favourite girl last night is all, and also you of course.”_

Kara bit her lip and stifled a groan. Maggie sure had become more persistent and intrusive since Lena came back into Kara’s life. “We came back to mine, had some drinks, then she left.”

 _“What, no monkey business?”_ Maggie asked with disbelief.

“No, Maggie. Not _everything_ is about sex you know” Kara growled, suddenly defensive that Maggie would think so little of Lena and herself.

Kara could hear faint whispering on the other end, but couldn’t quite make out the words. _“Sorry Kar, Maggie’s gone now. But in all seriousness, how did it go?”_ Alex’s soft voice came over the line.

Kara couldn’t help the goofy smile from appearing on her face when she thought back to last night, and how Lena looked so beautiful rugged up on her couch, and how her green eyes were wide and alcohol shot, which only made them that much more mesmerising, and how—

 _“Kara? It went that good, huh?”_ Alex asked.

“W-what?” Kara stuttered.

 _“You kind of zoned out on me there... want to tell me what happened?”_ Alex coaxed.

“She hugged me. I mean... she really hugged me” Kara almost whispered.

Kara could hear mumbling and cooing from the other end of the line. _“I’m happy for you, Kara!”_ Alex cheered. _“I haven’t heard you this happy since before Jeremiah”._

“I’m sorry, Alex” Kara offered empathetically, noticing the drop in Alex’s voice.

While Kara had come to terms with Jeremiah’s death, Alex still carried around a lot of the pain. Kara didn’t blame her, she hated to think that way, but it was true that she had experience in grieving the loss of loved ones, then moving on.

Jeremiah was the first person Alex had ever lost, and she didn’t know the best way to cope with her grief. She was better now than she was before, much better, but she was still affected daily by the loss of her father.

 _“No, it’s- it’s fine”_ Alex assured, quickly changing the subject. _“Anyway, why don’t you invite Lena to game night next week?”._

“Game night isn’t next week...” Kara said unsurely.

Alex stifled a laugh. _“Have you been living under a rock? Lena’s sure done a number on you, Kar. Check the date, you doofus. And you’re still picking Lucy and James up from the airport this afternoon, right?”._

Kara pulled her phone away from her ear and checked the date. She cursed under her breath, realising game night _was_ infact next week, and she was meant to be picking up her friends from the airport. But Flashmob, and Lena.

“Listen about that...” Kara trailed, ready to assert her ultimate pleading tone. “I kind of asked Lena to my Flashmob, and I was hoping to spend some more time with her later this afternoon....”

 _“Is this your way of asking me to pick your friends up from the airport?”_ Alex asked in disbelief.

“Please?” Kara pleaded.

Alex sighed, and Kara did an internal victory dance. No matter how much sisterly squabbling they did, or how much Alex tried to be the tougher of the pair, she always succumbed to a pleading Kara. _“You owe me”_ she grunted.

“Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou! You’re the best sister, I love you, and I’m hanging up before thou doth protest again!” Kara spluttered out, hanging up before Alex could say anything further.

When all was quiet in her room besides the snoring of her dogs, Kara debated whether she should text or call Lena to follow up on her offer last night. She decided on the latter.

The line rung a few times before Lena’s gracious voice came tumbling through the speaker. _“Kara? You’re up? I figured you’d still be in bed”._

Kara chuckled. She wished she could still be in bed. She was technically in her bed, but not in the way she’d like to be. Then again, she’d give up sleeping in a heart beat if it meant a conversation with Lena. “Trust me, my body is protesting being up right now. About last night though, my offer still stands if you’re still interested?” Kara asked tentatively.

 _“You mean about taking my Flashmob virginity?”_ Lena clarified amused.

Kara felt her cheeks flush at the memory. She was brazen, but never usually _that_ brazen when drunk. Perhaps scotch really was a curse afterall. “Yes... that”.

Lena giggled at Kara’s complete lack of confidence, a complete shift from the previous night. _“Of course, Kara. Just text me the time and address, and I’ll be there”._

Momentarily forgetting about her hangover, Kara bounced on her bed, only to have her head feel like it was crashing down into small pieces. She winced at the pain, trying to hold composure as she said goodbye to her friend.

She sent a text off to Lena, getting an instantaneous reply of a confirmation and a love heart. Kara tried not to look too much into it, Lena always used to text like that back in high school. But Lena also loved her back then. It was just a friendly heart, definitely a friendly heart, because that’s what they were. Just _friends_.

* * *

Kara was right when she said that Flashmob’s are better seen in live action than online. After receiving a call from Kara, Lena couldn’t help to wipe the smile off her face. She was actually surprised that Kara had been up so early, considering how much they drank, and how inexperienced in drinking scotch Kara was.

It was an acquired taste, which Lena had obviously acquired from her parents high end drinking, and it was an alcohol which got people drunk quite fast if they didn’t moderate or have some kind of tolerance. Kara, being the brim reaper she was even left Lena on the swaying side after the first glass, and that’s even after years of building a tolerance.

Lena didn’t like to say she was an alcoholic. She’d had her fair share of alcohol, particularly working at the bar, but she never really liked to get drunk, only marginally tipsy. There’s was nothing better than finishing off a hard day’s work infront of her fire, television show running, with a glass of scotch or an aged red in her hand.

Sometimes Lena might pour herself a baileys, but she had a particularly bad experience with baileys, and most of the time it was off putting. At a house party in her second year of college, one of Lena’s older friends had acquired her a large, eighteen standard bottle of baileys.

Evidently, Lena’s love for the taste of baileys had gotten in the way of moderation, and she ended up polishing off the entire bottle within two hours. She remembered the entire night, but wished she didn’t. It was a mistake she only made once.

The hours leading up to the Flashmob were some of the most anticipated hours in her life. It would be the first time Lena would knowingly watch Kara perform since their Grease musical. Kara was _always_  a spectacular sight when she performed, and being surrounded by even more eccentric people just like her would definitely be a sight to behold.

There was something so raw and powerful when Kara performed. It was as though _Kara Danvers_ disappeared, and she completely embodied the person of whoever she was meant to be playing. It was a hard thing even for experienced performers to do, but Kara did it so naturally. Lena thought Kara didn’t even realise when she did do it, she just did.

Lena may have stalked the National City Flashmob Association webpage for any spoilers on what would be going down, but that would defeat the purpose of a Flashmob, as Lena so generously told Kara the previous night. The only information on their page was a list of association board members, charity links, and previous flashmobs with viewer comments. Nothing even related to the park, or their next Flashmob.

Instead of catching up on the piles of work she accumulated each day as CEO, Lena found herself years deep in watching videos of past flashmobs. She went all the way back until she found the video she remembered seeing at MIT. She noticed that since then, Kara had been a prominent feature in most of the flashmobs.

With a voice like Kara’s though, it was expected. She could delight anyone when she sang, that much was obvious. Accompanied by a full on spectacle only made her that much more enticing to watch, and Lena found herself itching for it to be two o’clock already.

While there were plenty of videos she could watch Kara sing and dance too, she wanted the real thing, more than she would like to admit. Perhaps it gave her a sense of nostalgia from her glory days at Lima.

Too impatient, Lena left her office and arrived at the park twenty minutes early. The end of September chilly breeze could definitely be felt through Lena’s light blouse, but it was otherwise a sunny day. Lena realised why they had picked the park, with the autumn shaded leaves beginning to make an appearance, the park looked even more incredible than it did in the spring time.

Lena never really was a fan of vibrant colours and flowers, much less bee’s or hay fever. Autumn was just as beautiful, without the allergies and bugs, just a tad cooler. The park was relatively big, and Kara hadn’t actually specified where the Flashmob would take place. Perhaps she didn’t know herself.

But there was an open expanse in the centre of the park surrounding a large water fountain. The tiled pavement would provide the perfect platform to perform on, so Lena took her chances and took a seat by the edge of the where the pavement met the grass.

She looked around curiously, looking for anything out of the ordinary. Whether it was someone holding a speaker, which was obvious, she must admit, or whether it was a group of people all clustered together trying to disguise themselves. She looked for any similarities in clothing, movement, or any people who hung around stagnant like a bad smell.

Perhaps she was taking it too seriously, but with the way Kara explained it, and how deep she got on the association page, Lena had high expectations. Most of all, she found herself looking for Kara, anything relating to Kara.

Her bleach blonde hair, her adorable chuckle, her tall and toned physique, or her ‘sheik’ sense of style. Lena was half expecting it to be like the movies, where the man, or woman meets their partner, and the whole performance is dedicated to them.

Lena knew that she was taking it way too seriously now. But before she could hope to become the slightest bit disinterested, she spotted Kara, casually walking down path to the courtyard-like area surrounding the fountain.

Her hands were tucked securely into her navy blue slacks, and she looked warm and rugged up in her red and navy striped sweater, and navy blazer. If Sam were around, she would definitely be rattling off a bunch of obscenities about how Kara looked.

Kara looked picture perfect, and picture casual. But Lena knew Kara almost better than anyone, and from her perspective, Kara looked up to no good. Something about the way she walked, it wasn’t natural, wasn’t entirely _Kara_. The smirk on her face didn’t help the cause either.

Lena admired the view however, as Kara continued to approach, her outfit contrasting perfectly with the autumn back drop. She still hadn’t noticed Lena, and the CEO wanted to keep it that way. She wanted Kara to feel a little mystery when performing.

Her attention was brought away from Kara when she noticed even more people walking down from adjacent paths and straight for the fountain. Then she noticed it. Their hands were tucked in their pockets, just like Kara’s and each person wore brown, or equivalent shoes, just like Kara. Lena noticed a few more people already by the fountain who she had previously disregarded.

It was smart though. A way they could all recognise each other without being too obvious. It was subtle, and even went amiss by Lena herself. In a matter of minutes, the area around the fountain had filled with people, and Lena noticed the curiosity filling the eyes of the casual park goers.

Perhaps because Lena knew what was going to happen, it just made the whole thing so much more dramatic and anticipated, not at all confusing as many people seemed to be. The sea of people around the fountain formed a number of straight lines, all tucked behind each other. Lena could just make out Kara’s position, when out of nowhere, the signature sound for the beginning of N-Sync’s _‘Bye Bye Bye’_  echoed through the open expanse.

The lines of people broken apart, leaving each person within a diagonal from each other. As the song picked up, everyone dropped position and started to imitate the movements of marionette’s. The choreography was of course inspired by that of the music video, however it was modernised, and there were plenty of actions in the performance that weren’t in the video.

Throughout the performance, Lena got multiple glimpses of Kara. She wasn’t singing unfortunately for the performance, like she had done for previous. In fact, no one was singing. It seemed all their energy was being directed into complex twists, turns and footwork. Kara’s face said otherwise though, and revealed no such complexity. Instead she looked purely ecstatic, and looked as though she was enjoying every second, which in turn made Lena enjoy every second.

The built up crowd went absolutely wild at the end of the performance, and everyone who participated mysteriously drifted back into the general population, just as smoothly as they entered. Kara however, was making a beeline straight for Lena.

Lena couldn’t even control her feet when she stood abruptly, meeting Kara in a crushing embrace. Her feet were swept out from under her, as Kara spun her around with so much enthusiasm, still ridding through her adrenaline high. She probably didn’t even register what she was doing, but Lena had no complaints.

The smile on her face was truly priceless, and the happiness radiating from her could surely spark a thousand fires. Lena hadn’t remembered a time where she had ever seen Kara so happy and elated in her life, not even years ago.

It suited Kara. She had a beautiful smile and sunshine personality in general, but this was something else. This was Kara 2.0. This was Kara riding through a naturally achieved high, and it made her so much more enticing to admire, even more than when she was performing.

“Oh my gosh, Lena— I can’t _even_ — it’s so surreal to be up there, I just— I can’t explain! And I’m _so_ glad you came, you have no idea!” Kara rushed to say in pure ecstasy, the mesmerising smile never leaving her face.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world. You were amazing, Kara. You _are_ amazing” Lena said softly, much more composed than Kara’s beaming ambiance.

She took a few deep breathes, seemingly trying to calm her spiked heart rate. “Was it— was I— was it okay?” Kara huffed, her breath still going at a mile a minute.

Lena chuckled at Kara’s still radiant state. “ _Again_ , it was amazing, Kara. Now you need to take a few deep breaths, love, you’re practically hyperventilating!” Lena said, not even realising her slip in pet names.

Kara gave a weak nod, relaxing into the hand that Lena was currently running over her back, and let a few contended sighs out. Lena probably coaxed her for longer than what was necessary, _far_ longer than necessary. But seeing Kara so excited and energised, it made Lena want to take a breather aswell.

After a while of sitting on the bench and enjoying the park novelties, Kara sat up abruptly, out from underneath Lena’s arm. “I’m _so_ hungry, right now” she stated seriously.

Lena laughed, which only caused Kara to frown. She could always count on Kara to intrude in on any serene moment to mention food or her hunger, she might as well marry a potato casserole. “I can imagine” Lena chuckled. “Come on, it’s my treat”.

Lena stood to her full height, stretching her back until she heard a satisfying crack. She turned around to see Kara looking at her with wide eyes.

“Is there something on me?” Lena asked almost frantically, suddenly very conscious about her appearance, or about the fact that a spider of some sorts might be on her.

Kara stuttered a bit, her cheeks flushing a rosey red as she adjusted her glasses. “Ah, no. Not at all. I was just... I was just hungry. I was hungry” Kara said more convincingly.

Lena grinned at the shy persona that Kara was suddenly adopting. “Okay, Kara, okay”.

* * *

 

 

The time of month had finally come for the group game night, hosted by none other than the Danvers sisters at Kara’s apartment. It had been a long standing tradition between the group of friends who resided in National City, aswell as those who came to visit.

Most of the time it was just Kara, Alex and Maggie, Mike and Imra, and occasionally Winn and his girlfriend Lyra. Due to the uneven spread, Kara would pair up with her sister or Winn when it came to their turn, or she would just pair up with Winn whenever Lyra couldn’t make it.

But this months game night was set to be the biggest one in years, with all the usual teams, and the addition of Lena, Lucy and James. Kara had taken her sister’s advice, and was quite surprised when Lena accepted her offer for game night over the afternoon tea they shared the week earlier after the Flashmob.

She figured it was mostly because Lena wanted a reunion with the rest of her friends, who she hadn’t seen in years. Luckily for Kara, since Lucy and James were already a pair, she would be paired with Lena. Alex had taken every opportunity to remind Kara about it too.

Alex was never usually so intrusive in Kara’s relationships. Not when she was in high school, not when Kara was with Peter, or even Adam. But when it came to even hearing Lena’s name, Alex, and Maggie alike would turn into five year olds at a candy store.

Her friends weren’t much better either, especially Lucy, since she had legal connections with Sam. Lucy was always a talkative one, perhaps that’s why Sam had been so forward that day in the park. Kara had more than once thought about investing in a chastity belt for Lucy’s mouth on occasion.

But the petite brunette meant well, and Kara’s reunions with Lucy and James were never short of interesting. The pair were in town for confidential business with General. Lane, Lucy’s father.

Due to their unknown extended posting, James had applied for a contract position at CatCo, to which Kara was more than willing to put in a good word to Cat Grant, not that she’d need to anyway. Since James was a professional photographer with many credible references, he was wanted just about everywhere he went, even a fashion magazine.

It was a new environment for James, and working for someone like Cat Grant was something he highly underestimated. But he enjoyed what he did none the less, and it worked out for Kara too, she got to see her friend more often. It took the edge off working for Snapper, who surprisingly wasn’t so strict to Kara anymore.

After Lena’s talk with Snapper about God only knows what, Kara noticed that the grouchy man had become less grouchy towards her. He still snapped and he snarked, just not directly at her. And instead of continually getting the puff pieces, Kara was writing solid articles about real issues, not just kitty fashion shows.

But most of all, Kara was hearing something she never thought would fall out of his mouth, her name. Away with the “blondie’s” and “ponytail”, Snapper was actually calling her Danvers from time to time. Otherwise he called Kara a “you” when he was having a particularly grumpy day. It was still better than blondie or ponytail.

It did help that with anything related to Lena Luthor or L-Corp, Kara was asked to cover. Again, Lena was behind that too when she requested Kara specifically after her press release.

Since ‘Luthor’ was such a renowned name, almost everyone in National City recognised Kara’s name on the byline of her articles. The people of National City spoke, gave good reviews, and wanted more of Kara’s writing. So it would be foolish of Snapper to ask her to cover lesser stories.

Ever since Lena had wandered back into her life, Kara had noticed it was a continual uphill, even personally and at work. She hated to think though, that her career as a journalist was taking off and riding on the back of Lena’s success as CEO, because Kara had made it on her own so far, and she was a damn good reporter, minus the grammatical errors.

No matter how good a place her and Lena were, Kara would never want to use Lena’s success to promote herself. Although it seems Kara had inadvertently been doing that, not by her own doing though. But every uphill has to end at some point, flatten out or even descend again, she just hoped it wouldn’t anytime soon.

Since Kara and Lena were also in a continually developing good place, Kara couldn’t imagine a way for the night to go wrong. And she wished more she’d like to admit, that the night would be like old times again, where everything was okay, and there was no abandoned past lingering between them. Lena certainly had a lot to catch up on over the years, so the atmosphere was nothing short of radiant.

“Wait, Winn has a _girlfriend?_ ” Lena whispered, surprised.

“Yeah” Kara chuckled, looking at Lena bemused as she fixed some chip bowls and cheese platters.

Lena’s eyebrows shot to the roof. “I just never thought he’d get over you, Kara. He was like a lost puppy chasing after you in high school”.

Neither girls recognised the presence of someone behind them, too enraptured in each other. Both startled as Winn threw an arm around each of their shoulders, squeezing his frame between the two girls.

“Well I’m a puppy no more” Winn stated confidently, dodging Kara’s slap as he quickly stole a few biscuits.

Kara let her gaze travel over to the woman that Winn was currently admiring, even more than his biscuits. The pair hadn’t been together too long in terms of romance. They had been friends for a few years prior when Winn was finishing up his degree in IT, and Lyra was studying to be a beautician.

Even when they were just friends though, Kara saw no difference in the way Winn looked at Lyra then, compared to the way he did now. If that wasn’t love, then Kara didn’t know what was.

She was eternally grateful that someone as precious as Winn was able to find someone as equally precious as him. Even though Kara never felt anything romantic towards him, even as teenagers, she had always held a protective stance over him, quite like a mother bear.

Winn was the cub of the group, and everyone seemed to share that same stance, as they all passive aggressively interrogated Lyra when Winn introduced her as his girlfriend. However, they quickly came to like Lyra, and respect her more as Winn’s girlfriend than just a friend.

“So, Lena, you will have to be on Kara’s team, since Adam is no longer with us... unless that’s a problem?” Kara tensed at the mention of her ex-boyfriends name, and she felt Lena stiffen beside her.

Kara gave a closed lip smile. “Not for me” she said perkily, trying to diffuse the tension that Winn seemed to be completely oblivious about.

Lena gave Kara a small nod, and although Kara was more than happy to be paired with Lena, she couldn’t help but feel completely out of place.

Everywhere she looked, not just at game night, but everywhere there were people who were happy in relationships, people engaged, people in love. Three people from CatCo got engaged during the week, and one other was expecting even. It was infectious, but the only person not being infected was Kara it seemed.

Everyone seemed to be advancing in their life, or knew where they wanted to go or what they wanted to be. Whereas Kara felt that she had been trapped in the exact same position for the past nine years. The world just seemed to keep on spinning around her, and relationships just seemed to keep on evolving without her.

It’s not as though Kara was ungrateful for her mended relationship with Lena, or the progress the pair had made. Quite frankly, Kara didn’t mind being Lena’s anything. But each day that went by where they were only _friends_ , she couldn’t help but wonder if her and Lena would ever be anything more, or more accurately, if Lena wanted more. If Lena could forgive her enough to let her in, in the way Kara _wanted_ to be let in.

Each day that went by where Kara was only just a _friend_ , felt like a knife to her chest. All because she had the opportunity to be more than just a friend, she was handed that opportunity on a silver platter, but she let it go. She didn’t know if her heart could take the disappointment again, the disappointment of allowing herself to finally feel something more, then watching as Lena moved on, or even worse, didn’t feel the same.

She was hopeful that something was there between them, how could there not be considering their past. She felt something beneath it all, but she didn’t know if Lena felt that something aswell, or perhaps she did, just for someone else.

If Lena ended up falling for someone else, and Kara had to watch it, she was sure her heart would explode. Even seeing Sam with Lena, and the way that Sam pretended to be Lena’s interest had Kara’s heart racing, and that was still after Lena clarified that Sam was just being annoying.

She could only hope that the same thing was going through Lena’s mind, and Kara wasn’t falling again for someone when it was too late, when she missed her window. She’d rather not be falling at _all_ if it were too late.

Perhaps it was fate, or something as physical as gravity even, but it was something, and Kara wasn’t naive enough to miss it this time. But maybe she was stupid enough to have waited this long, for the way things played out. God knows that Lena had given her reason to reach back over the years, but still Kara hadn’t. It was a mistake she had to live with, and one that pained her each day. If only though, Lena could give her a sign that she wanted more too, like Kara.

But the longer Kara waited, that seemed to become more of an impossibility. Maybe she just had to bite the bullet and give a Hail Mary that things might just turn out okay. Maybe Kara had to be the one to show Lena, so she actually knew, as though their positions were reversed from high school.

But could Kara really take the rejectment if it came to that, and what would happen to all they had mended and gained?

* * *

The game night was _exactly_ what Lena had needed, and she couldn’t believe she had missed all those months, and all those years of game nights. It was the perfect way to end both a stressful, and emotional month.

Mike and Imra had absolutely _demolished_ everyone in pictionary and charades, followed closely by Alex and Maggie, Kara and Lena, James and Lucy, then lastly Winn and Lyra. In Lyra’s defence though, Winn was awful at drawing and acting off words.

One would have thought that someone who did theatre in senior year would have been quite good at improvisation games such as charades. Winn was the exception, and Lena felt kind of bad for Lyra, the poor girl had no hope in hell of deciphering Winn’s actions.

Mike and Imra had left shortly after charades finished, stating they had two train wrecks to get home to.

Lena was proud to say that Mike had definitely grown up the most since she last saw him, most of which had to do with Imra, and the responsibility of raising two children. She never would have thought that she would ever enjoy his company one on one, but she was being proven wrong yet again. It was becoming a common thing.

Mike had told her about his accident in the first few weeks of college, then how he came to meet Imra, who “saved him” as he put it. He thanked Lena profusely for the twin cradle she had sent them when she couldn’t make their house warming party. He even showed Lena dozens of photos of his twins all snuggled up inside the cradle. It was definitely a sight that Lena wanted for herself one day, and she couldn’t help but feel envious.

Some of her favourite pictures that Mike showed her were the ones of his two children sitting on the back of a Great Dane. Their tiny bodies next to the monster of a dog was definitely a sight to behold, as was the priceless smiles on their faces. Mike sure had some decent genetics in his family, as did Imra, and Lena could already see it paying off in his kids.

Her favourite by far though, was a candid photo of Kara who was pulling the most adorably obscure face at the two girls, Aurora and Arianna. Kara was lost in her own little world, with the sole mission of making those two precious beings laugh, and laugh they did. Mike showed Lena a short video aswell, and Lena’s heart swelled with adoration.

As much as Lena tried not to let her mind wander, it did, straight to how good of a mother Kara would be. Whether her own, or adopted, whether she married a man or a woman, she would be a great mother no doubt, and any child would be lucky to call her there’s.

Lena didn’t even notice the way Mike was sharing knowing glances with Alex while she was fawning over the photos and videos. Before Mike and Imra left, she quietly asked Mike to send her a few photos of his kids, so that she could always have a piece of the beautiful family to look upon.

Once they left though, the night wasn’t so PG anymore. Maggie ended up raiding Kara’s cupboard for some hard liquor, and Kara audibly gaged when she saw the scotch bottle in Maggie’s hand.

Then, like a bunch of tipsy teenagers at a party, James pulled out Cards Against Humanity, and the group went into hysterics. The first few rounds were rather mellow, as people were trying to discard their lesser cards.

Every now and then, Kara would chuckle when she picked up a particularly bad card, ever the poker player. A few times Lena tried to sneak a peak, but Kara pulled her cards away with a mischevious smile.

As it turned out, Kara’s chuckles were warranted, as she was in the lead with winning cards. Most of her winning cards consisted of things about cancer, toilet humour, children, or disturbing kinks, to which she was very proud of. After plenty more alcohol, the group called the final card on Lena’s turn.

Lena pulled the final card, then read ever dramatically, “ _Blank_ , gives me uncontrollable gas”.

She watched as the group shifted through their cards, more scowls than not present on their faces. Then she noticed a silent conversation between Maggie and Kara, potentially both of them having competing cards.

They all put their cards in the centre, and Kara smiled smugly, confident she would win. Her confidence was not misplaced, after some shockingly bad answers, Lena read “children with bum cancer”.

Kara immediately began laughing, signally it was indeed her card. Completely unbiased, Lena gave the win to Kara for the better card in her opinion, over Maggie’s ‘anal warts’.

“ _Jesus Kara!_ ” Maggie groaned, throwing the rest of her cards on the floor. “You’re being extremely morbid tonight. Everything is about cancer, kids, kids with cancer, incest or kinks”.

For someone so incredibly innocent minded, Kara sure was the most surprising when it came to Cards Against Humanity. Lena wondered if Kara actually knew the meaning of every card she put down, or if she thought they only sounded funny. Either way, the Kara who won Cards Against Humanity was a complete one-eighty of the Kara that Lena knew.

“What can I say, Maggie? It‘s called ‘Cards Against Humanity’ for a reason” Kara quipped back.

The night settled down shortly after the last game, and soon people were saying their goodbyes. The last few to leave were Alex and Maggie, Alex giving Kara suggestive looks, and what looked to be a pep talk on the way out before Kara shut the door firmly in her sisters face.

Lena tried not to let that bother her, or think about the possible scenarios that the night could end up like. The pair stayed quiet when cleaning up, not before Kara insisted that she could clean up alone, and that Lena was a guest.

They shared small glances, and brushed past each other a few times on the way to the kitchen. What was more concerning was how they even managed to make such a mess. Lexa and Schnitzel seemed to be loving it however, licking up all the crumbs on the floor, then sniffing around for more.

After they had cleaned up, Lena stood idly by the kitchen bench, wondering if she should leave, or if Kara might ask her to stay a little longer, and what she would say if she did. It didn’t help much when Kara made her way over to Lena, then stood a foot away, just gazing at Lena with an unreadable expression.

Kara’s glasses were discarded throughout the night, which left her blue pools open and vulnerable. She never said anything, just stood there, almost expectantly as if she were debating doing something.

Lena had an idea of what that something might be, but her mind was going haywire at the thought of it even happening. The tension was like a thick smog hanging through the air, and Lena wasn’t sure whether it was a good thing or a bad thing. She wasn’t sure if she should feel comfortable or uncomfortable, then again, she shouldn’t exactly be questioning it all if she _knew_.

Where Kara looked soft, patient, and slightly nervous, Lena looked worried, awkward, and _very_ nervous, much like a deer caught in the headlights. She hadn’t had a proper relationship with someone in almost nine years, let alone shared a meaningful kiss with someone, if she didn’t count the occasional hookup in college, which she wanted to believe was meaningful at the time and she wasn’t completely heartless.

She had forgotten how it felt almost, forgotten what she _should_ be feeling, and what she _should_ be doing. But shouldn’t she _not_ have to try and feel a certain way? Shouldn’t it just be something that happens naturally. Forcing herself to feel a certain way would only be cheating herself, aswell as Kara, and Kara made it clear that she didn’t want Lena to feel obligated at all in any part of their relationship.

Kara made it clear that Lena had to _want_ it on her own. Lena wasn’t the greatest person at reading suggestive cues, but she was smart enough to know that Kara was looking at her in a way that was definitely suggestive. But Lena wasn’t entirely sure that she did want it.

Kara was the type of person who if Lena kissed, she wanted it to mean _everything_. She didn’t want to kiss Kara on a whim, or as an experiment to confirm or deny the way she felt. She didn’t want something that was meant to be so good, turn into something so regrettably bad because she made the mistake of rushing into something she wasn’t sure about.

Amidst her emotional turmoil, she failed to realise Kara had stepped even closer, almost as close as the intimate hug they shared the previous week. But even that was far from the front of her mind. Lena looked down at Kara’s lips, waiting for a surge of affection and adrenaline to push her forward to meet Kara’s clearly battling complex, but it never came.

She stared blankly at those pink lips she would’ve done anything to kiss years ago, done anything to feel upon her own. In complete anti-Luthor fashion, Lena stepped backwards, putting some much needed space between herself and Kara, as though the space might help clear her mind, and allow her to focus on what she wanted. It didn’t.

Talking with Sam about her feelings was easy, and it was easy to speculate and assume how she felt. Saying that she wanted Kara was partly easy aswell, but actually taking Kara was not. Perhaps she wasn’t ready, not as ready as she thought, not quite yet.

Perhaps she was so focused on her possible, potential relationship with Kara that she forgot to focus on her immediate relationship with Kara, whatever they were in the moment. Or even worse, maybe she was expecting herself to feel a certain way that she just couldn’t anymore, no matter what Kara wanted or the way she looked at Lena.

Kara became even more nervous than Lena by that point, clearly struggling with finding the confidence to do what it looked as though she wanted to do.

Lena put them both out of miseries, leaning forward and resting her head against Kara’s shoulder as she gave the blonde an a-frame hug that one would give their shorter grandma. It wasn’t the best hug she could have consoled Kara with, but it was a hug all the same.

She could feel the muscles beneath Kara’s shirt tense, clearly signally that a hug was not the response that Kara was looking for. But she softened, as quick as she tensed. Perhaps Kara too realised that they both needed to be damn certain about what they wanted, so they didn’t rush into anything in fear of losing what they had re-built if they did.

A hug was what they shared, and although it wasn’t what either girl was expecting, or what either of them needed to fill their uncertain desires, a hug was enough, for now, Lena hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so last chapters comments were quite a surprise. I love hearing feedback and where I have gone wrong, but there is a different between that, and attacking me, which was what was done last chapter. I don’t appreciate the comments that were thrown back by each other either. Also I don’t appreciate being compared to a rodent, I’m a human so don’t even start haha
> 
> Im trying to write for everyone, those who support Lena, and those who support Kara. I won’t always please everyone. I have also bugged the crap out to readers to tell me what they want, so if you’re unhappy but never said anything, that’s your own fault. 
> 
> I like positivity in my comments, not name calling and personal attacks. That’s not at all acceptable. In simple terms, if you hate the fiction, and feel like throwing a brick at my head, DO NOT comment, and don’t read. It will save the drama that escalated last chapter. I am NOT a professional writer at all, I make mistakes. I enjoy writing this fiction, so please don’t take that away. Thankyou. 
> 
> I genuinely hope if you are still reading that you tell me if you’re aren’t happy, or if you are. I don’t want to rush them into a relationship because I feel like you guys deserve more than just a quick ending without any emotion or drive.
> 
> On a side note, I played cards against humanity recently and the bum cancer card was one I used. My cards were incredibly morbid, but it was hilarious! If you haven’t played CAH, I suggest you do, or the App version ‘Evil Apples’.
> 
> Criticism and feedback is appreciated, with emphasis on criticism :) until next time x
> 
> P.S. my kudo number right now (554) is my special number. I see it everywhere all the time, like anything to do with numbers or stats, even in online games I see it. So I’m feeling super happy right now lol


	17. Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've watched those eyes light up with a smile  
> River in the not good times  
> Oh, you taught me all that I know  
> I've seen your soul grow just like a rose  
> Made it through all of those thorns  
> Girl into the woman I know
> 
> And it's killing me, me to say "I'm fine, " "I'm fine"  
> When I really mean, mean to say
> 
> You're my all and more  
> All I know you taught me, yeah  
> You're my all and more  
> But I need room to breathe, yeah

About a month had passed since the last game night, and the infamous near kiss turned grandma hug, thanks to Lena’s seductive skills. She expected Kara to be weird about the whole thing, even to pull away, but what surprised her even more was that the pair seemed to get closer, and not at all intimately.

It was the exact opposite of what Lena expected from Kara, and what she expected from herself. Ask Lena nine years ago if she wanted a kiss from Kara Danvers, her reply would have been an instantaneous “Yes”, and she would have wasted no time in doing the deed if given the chance, if given an expectant Kara standing infront of her the way she did a month ago.

But the fact that she had to question whether or not she wanted it was something she never expected. Did that  
mean she didn’t want Kara at _all?_

The last thing on earth she wanted to do was to lead Kara on. She knew exactly how that felt herself, and she wouldn’t wish it upon anybody. But what she thought she had been so sure of before, had left her completely unsure.

Was it because she was afraid of getting hurt again, or was it simply nerves or cold feet? Was she afraid of opening herself up to Kara, only to have Kara leave her behind. Or was it something worse, she didn’t _like_ Kara, not in the way she expected she could again.

As a scientist, Lena weighed all the possibilities and explanations of her bizarre behaviour, still, she struggled to understand her motives behind not ceasing the opportunity with a simple kiss.

That’s what it would have been, a simple kiss. It didn’t have to mean a declaration of love, or really anything major, but it had to mean something. Perhaps Lena deserved more than a kiss which meant little to nothing, perhaps she wanted it to mean something. Something such as a step further into their relationship, a step further of forgiveness for each other, a step toward confirming the all too familiar feelings that Lena was discovering if she even had anymore.

Lena had built up a pre-conceived notion of how she _should_ feel, that she never noticed how she _did_ feel, or how uncertain her feelings for Kara were, something which she was once so certain about.

She wasn’t repulsed by Kara, not in the slightest. Kara was still mesmerising in every way, even more so than before, and she had a grown maturity about her that Lena respected. There was an attraction at least physically between them, and Lena couldn’t deny that there was something a little more that they had yet to discover completely between them. She felt it as clearly as one would upon stubbing their toe again a couch, or a desk corner.

While whatever it was wasn’t painful, it was evident, and whether that something could evolve into an emotional attraction, and something beyond the binding of physical or platonic affection, Lena wasn’t sure.

Lena knew little of Kara’s past relationships over the years, but she hoped that Kara’s obvious affection for her was not just a passing thing, or something belonging to feelings of obligation or guilt. She hoped that Kara didn’t see her as just a rebound, and that if Kara truly did want her, it was pure and self conjured, and that she would want everything that came with Lena, baggage and all.

They each had their own issues, their own psychological problems they silently battled on a day to day basis, which ultimately affected their behaviour toward each other. But even, if through all of that, Kara still wanted her, Lena would risk it, at least she assumed she’d _want_ to risk it.

Although she was meant to be friends with Kara, which they agreed upon, there was always something about her, and there always would be, no matter how many miles were between them, or how the next few months ended up. Kara was Lena’s one, and Lena had figured that out at a very young age. She had figured it out when Kara had struggled to, and that cost them nine years apart.

Nine years of broken communication, broken relationships and broken trust. It was nine years too long, and Lena would’ve thought that her bodily functions would have come to realise that just as much as her mind. Perhaps her body knew something her mind didn’t. Instead, she had planted herself in that apartment, and for whatever reason, denied herself the one person she had been unknowingly, but desperately wanting for years.

Nine years was a long time for someone’s feelings to change, and maybe Lena was so caught up in the feelings she used to have, rather than notice the feelings she did have. Her feelings could have sprouted any which way after leaving Kara that day, she didn’t know. Whether it was fear in the way, or her walls coming back up, she just didn’t know.

However, what she did know was that she wasn’t prepared to have another nine years pass between them while they hovered between the potential, and the maybe. She wasn’t prepared for another nine years of “I don’t know”’s. Lena wanted an answer from herself, she wanted to be certain, and unafraid of letting herself love and be loved.

She would want all that Kara had to offer and more, if that’s what Kara wanted to. Lena could only take as much as was given, but she was greedy, and she wanted more. Even if part of her didn’t realise that yet, and even if she had to wait just that little bit longer. If that’s what it took to be sure, then Lena would need to be patient.

When she fell in love with Kara the first time, she fell in love with all of Kara. Her smile, her laugh, her heart, her compassion, her innocence, even her naivety. She saw Kara when looking at the birds in the sky, she saw Kara when watching the crashing of waves on the sand, she saw Kara when admiring the flowers in her garden.

It was quite an overwhelming feeling for someone so young, but she saw Kara everywhere she looked. Kara was in everything, and she was everything to Lena, and Lena assumed that’s what it felt like when you truly love someone. And when it was over, she noticed the absence of Kara with every single nerve in her body.

As she analysed how she could end up so unsure about Kara, she still felt a small absence. It wasn’t big, but it was there, a microscopic replication of what she felt for nine years.

Perhaps if Kara truly felt the same for Lena, as Lena once felt for Kara, maybe Lena had a chance at feeling complete again, or maybe she already did, and it was just a matter of figuring that out for herself.

Like any gruelling tug of war in her heart, Lena found herself in Sam’s house, unloading all over her problems on her friend yet again. Perhaps Sam should have taken an interest in Psychology rather than Law, she certainly became Lena’s very own therapist shortly after Kara’s arrival back into her life.

Instead of receiving the assurances and advice Sam so often gave, Sam was more focused on the pending relationship between Kara and Lena, not so much as how to achieve one.

“You’ve seen each other every day for the past month, been on how many dates and _still_ haven’t sealed the deal?” Sam asked incredulously, finishing off her water glass and placing it on the table.

Lena sighed at her friend. “They’re not dates, Sam!” She groaned.

 _“They’re not dates, Sam”_ Sam imitated, deftly dodging Lena’s flying swat. “Okay, let’s reiterate shall we; there was the first coffee date you went on, then the delivery of not just donuts, but your _favourite_ donuts—“

“Which was not a date—“ Lena interrupted pointedly.

Sam waved Lena off. “Which required effort and attention, _and_ which was used to ask you on a date. Then you had said date over _another_ coffee, then you went to the movies, probably watching a movie Kara doesn’t even like, but knew _you_ would love. Then she invited you back to her apartment where she was the perfect gentle woman, then invited you to watch her perform—“ Sam continued.

Lena interrupted again with more virulence. “Which was a public performance—“

“Nevertheless, she asked you” Sam said matter-of-factly. “Then there was the game night where only the closest of friends go to, and let’s not forget how you both have made a habit of a daily brunch for the past month, which I assume you take in turns paying for. That’s equivalent of over a dozen dates and you still _don’t_ know if there’s anything going on between you two?” Sam asked in disbelief.

“Because there’s not, Sam!” Lena snapped, still defending her position with vigour. It was partly true, there was nothing going on between them which Lena could confirm thanks to her unreliable emotions regarding a certain blonde. If she actually knew for sure, she probably wouldn’t be seeking advice from Sam, or even entertaining the conversation Sam was beginning.

“Friends hang out together, they see each other and do things together.” Lena continued defending herself.

Sam shook her head in exhaustion. “So does Kara look at everyone else the way she looks at you? Have you _even_ noticed the way she looks at you.”

“You don’t think I have, Sam?” Lena snapped. “There’s nothing between us because _I_ can’t decide! I knew the second what Kara felt when she looked at me that night, because I felt it too, _nine years ago_. But I don’t feel it now, I don’t _know_ if I feel it now. I feel something, but I don’t know what it is, and I’m not going to pursue Kara on an uncertainty. That wouldn’t be unfair on both of us, so stop pushing it please, and just tell me what to do. Tell me if there’s something wrong with me” Lena almost begged.

Sam looked at Lena empathetically, extending her hand for Lena to take. “There’s nothing wrong with you, honey. You’re stubborn and resilient, qualities which are fantastic otherwise of apparently now.” Lena chuckled, and Sam caressed Lena’s hand further.

“I think this is just your fight or flight. Part of you wants to give in, another is telling you not to because that part _knows_ how it all went wrong before. It’s human, Lena, and you just need to keep telling yourself that it’s okay to feel for her, if you want to. You can start by actually considering there is something real going on between you two, and stop with this ‘ _friends_ ’ bullshit. I’m sure Kara’s considered it, yet she’s probably too nervous to do anything about it. That seemed evident from a month ago” Sam said humorously.

Lena’s brows furrowed. “A while ago you were telling me to wait for her. What are you saying now?” She asked, confused.

“I’m saying, take a leap of faith. I can’t keep on watching you beat yourself up over how conflicted she’s making you feel. In fact, it’s not even her anymore. Lena you’re psyching yourself out over something that could be amazing, you’re just not giving it an opportunity to _be_ amazing” Sam encouraged.

Lena snatched her hand from Sam’s grip. “You can’t say _‘take a leap of faith’_ , then blame it all on me, Sam! I’m scared that me and my stupid feelings are going to mess this up _again_. I’m scared that it will be exactly like last time, that she will break me all over again when I specifically promised myself she _never_ would again. I promised that I wouldn’t feel this way, yet here I am. And I find myself in this position again and _again_. No matter what you say or how much I try, that thought is always with me, _Samantha_ , and it doesn’t look like it’s going away” Lena seethed.

Sam looked taken aback by Lena’s sudden outburst, but softened at her friend’s inner turmoil. “You know I love you right?” Sam asked, more unsurely than Lena would have liked. “And you know I wouldn’t _ever_ say these things to hurt you. But Lena, _this_ is unhealthy” Sam gestured over Lena’s slouched body, and her near empty wine glass in hand. “I’m not telling you what to do, I would never do that, but consider giving her a little encouragement, consider giving yourself and your feelings some goddamn credit. You are _no_ fool, Lena Luthor, so consider that she’s just as scared as you, and she’s looking for a sign not to ruin things either.”

Lena sighed, thinking back to the way Kara had been eyeing her a month ago. That exact same look had been more frequent on Kara’s face over the month that passed. Each time their conversation went silent, or things slowed down between their actions, Kara would give her a look, and only a look.

But as quickly as it graced her features, it was replaced with Kara’s generic warm smile, one that Lena had loved seeing so frequently throughout the month aswell.

Sam wasn’t over exaggerating either when she called Lena out on her having lunch with Kara each day, because Lena had been. It started the Monday following game night. Kara had called Lena and asked to have lunch, where Lena politely declined due to large mass of blue prints on her desk. Kara surprised her by showing up anyway at her office, carrying two bags of Chinese.

On the Tuesday, Lena had impromptly showed up at CatCo where she saw Kara scold a new intern for having his feet on his desk. They shared Mexican that day from the new restaurant, _Cisco’s_ , for lunch, Lena feeling as though she ought to repay Kara, aswell as the fact she had missed Kara over not even a twenty-four hour period.

The next few days, and eventual month had passed relatively quickly, both of them showing up for lunch at each other’s offices on alternate days. The feeling became domestic very quickly, and Lena began to hate the arrival of the weekends, as it put a dent in their daily lunches. But then the new next week would start, and they would continue their lunch dates, each lunch ending with a hug that was far too long to be considered friendly.

The last lunch Lena shared with Kara was at her office, where Kara fawned over all the designs for some new infrastructure designs in National City, and a floor plan to renovate the Children’s Hospital L-Corp owned. Even a fool could tell that they were past the point of being friends, but that put Lena in an uncertain territory with Kara.

“We agreed on being friends, and I was fine with that” Lena stated, unconvincingly.

Sam smirked at Lena’s minor slip up. “Correct. _Was_. But you’re not fine anymore, are you?”.

With much deflation to her stubborn ego, Lena relented slightly, seeing some wisdom in Sam’s previous words. “I thought I knew what I wanted, I _thought_ I did. I was so sure about it, Sam, you have no idea. But nothing was ever simple with Kara, and I’ve never truly been sure about my feelings for her, not even before. But we’re in a good place, and I don’t want to mess this up, Sam...” Lena trailed, “I _can’t_ mess this up”.

“And you won’t, Lena.” Sam assured. “You practically ran out on the poor girl and she still gives you heart eyes. She’s in no rush to let you go, and your relationship is even better for it”.

“That’s not funny, Sam.” Lena scolded, a small smile on her features. “Maybe I just should have kissed her. Maybe I should have just let her take me then and there in her apartment to save myself all this confusion” Lena moaned, throwing her head in her hands.

Sam chuckled at Lena, then went to pry Lena’s hands from her face. “Lena, you know that’s not what I meant. You and I both know that what you did was right for you, it was right in the moment and even Kara knows that. Doesn’t mean she wasn’t disappointed though. You’re scared, and so is she. If what you told me was true, she’s showed you that she’s in. You need to decide if you want to take the dive again. You need to decide if you’re in too.”

Lena forced a smile. “Yeah no pressure there” She said sarcastically.

Sam rubbed Lena’s back in soothing circles. “Thankyou, Sam. This was actually helpful” Lena said sincerely, enjoying the relaxing feeling of Sam’s moving hand. What she would give for a massage right about now.

Sam’s signature smirk appeared, unbeknownst to Lena as she was back resting her head in her hands. “Dont thank me yet, thank me when she’s three knuckles deep—“

Sam’s sentence was cut short, as Lena swung around with a pillow like baseball bat in her hand, whacking Sam with all her might. However, her poor coordination made an untimely visit, as she knocked the wine bottle and the rest of its contents onto Sam’s Persian rug.

Lena’s face dropped into shock and remorse, whereas Sam looked unphased, if only a little irritated. “You’re paying for that” Sam said in monotone.

Lena nodded quickly, getting up to fetch a towel before Sam stopped her. The rug was as good as destroyed either way. Instead, Lena went to the kitchen to look for a bottle of Irish cream. “This conversation was getting too deep for wine anyway, where’s your liquor cabinet?” Lena asked, following Sam’s light mood about the accident.

“Second cupboard on the left” Sam directed, still surprisingly, and alarmingly unphased.

Lena returned with the bottle, an ice tray, and two fresh glasses. “So will you actually have a drink with me now?” She asked, holding the glasses infront of Sam’s face, knowing Sam would never resist the milky liqueur.

“I’m afraid not. This residence won’t be drinking anything for quite some time” Sam said mischeviously, resting her hand upon her stomach.

Lena noticed a small glint in Sam’s eyes. Her friends actions were a dead give away, but it was something that had to be said in words. “Sam...” Lena trailed in question.

A large smile bloomed on Sam’s face, and she nodded eagerly. “I’m pregnant”.

 _“What?!”_ Lena shrieked in excitement.

“I’m pregnant, Lena” Sam repeated. “I took a pregnancy test two days ago, and saw an OB yesterday. I’m pregnant” Sam said, still gleaming.

“Sam I- I’m so happy for you” Lena stuttered. “Now I _really_ wish we could celebrate this!” She groaned, sharing a laugh with Sam.

The news that Sam was pregnant shocked her still the following day. Sam would make an incredible mother without a doubt, and Lena was excited knowing that she would become an unofficial Aunty, as per a pregnancy pact the two girls made in Junior year at Highmore.

As much as Lena felt like she was sharing cloud nine with her best friend, it was only another reminder that while her friends seemed to have settled down with all they wanted, Lena still hadn’t. It was another reminder that in nine short or long months, depending on who she asked, Sam’s time would be devoted to her child, rightfully so. Lena hoped that she could find whatever it was she was looking for before then.

* * *

Perhaps Kara wasn’t as versed in the art of subtle sign giving and seduction as she thought she was. She _had_ been clear about what she wanted that night, hadn’t she? Looking back on the moment, it wasn’t Lena’s finest hour, nor was it Kara’s most proud moment.

It still rattled her, a month later that Lena, in some ways rejected her. It wasn’t a complete rejection, or a denial of feelings, but rather an uncertainty of feelings. Kara noticed the look in Lena’s eyes, and she understood it immediately. It was a look that said Lena didn’t want to kiss her then, but she wouldn’t be completely opposed to the idea later on.

It was the same look and feeling that Kara had buzzing through her during that Halloween night nine years ago, after what would become one of her most painful, but treasured memories of Lena.

It was somewhat humorous to think that now Kara was the one wanting something more, and Kara was the one putting her feelings on the line, so to speak. It was something she didn’t expect would happen on either end when she reunited with Lena, it just kind of happened.

Kara never had any expectations from Lena, or even herself for their relationship to potentially develop into something more. Sure the thought had crossed her mind, and she may of had desires regarding Lena, who wouldn’t. The woman was incredible, not just from her title, but she was an amazing human being. For all she had been through and suffered, her ability to put her pain aside and try to alleviate someone else’s was incredible on its own.

Kara’s developed feelings for Lena hadn’t been an instantaneous event. They had grown slowly, _then_ all at once, like the process of falling asleep. She didn’t want a romance with Lena in the beginning, she just wanted to know Lena, she just wanted her friend again.

She loved Lena as a friend, she _always_ had, and she missed her friend for nine years. But lately Kara had been finding herself loving the idea of being more than friends, of having a relationship and doing it right this time. She loved the idea of showing Lena what it truly meant to date Kara Danvers. And as much as Kara was now hopeful and eager, she wasn’t inconsiderate.

Lena’s position couldn’t have been more deflatingly clear than it was, but Kara would give her time to sort through her feelings, she definitely owed that to Lena. Although it was hard to remain neutral when she was seeing Lena every day for lunch breaks, particularly when Lena did that thing she did.

She didn’t know if Lena knew she was doing it, or if she did it purposely, but her CEO attire was an honest to God turn on for Kara. Kara even debated whether she had been blind not to see it earlier. Lena was beautiful before, she always had been. But lately, Kara had been seeing Lena in a new light.

Lena was absolutely stunning, sexy, beautiful, gorgeous, and for so long she had been right there infront of Kara. She had even been wanting Kara at some stage. Kara was just bummed it took her nine years, and a terrible fall out to notice it. She was attracted to Lena, and she was proud to admit she was, if only she could tell Lena though. But that involved springing her feelings on someone who still wasn’t sure about theirs, and that wouldn’t be fair.

Instead, Kara played her part well, the considerate friend who tried not to let her own heart and own feelings get in the way of Lena’s own emotional confusion. It was difficult on certain days, particularly with the attire Lena wore to work, or the way she did her hair, or how sweet her perfume made her, even the way she smiled at Kara. Heck, Kara was smitten, and she was proud, and it certainly wasn’t a shock to _anyone_ with eyes.

Although Kara hadn’t spoken to Alex and Maggie about it much, even they teased Kara about it, and for once, she wasn’t denying it, which was surprising for the couple. What did come as a shock though was the news of one Samatha Arias’s pregnancy.

The news of Sam’s pregnancy travelled fast through the mutual network of friends in National City. Although Kara, and her group of friends weren’t in friendly relations with Sam, they still heard about her pregnancy from both Lena and Lucy. And like celebratory people they were, they asked Lena if they could prepare a small celebration the day before Halloween.

Once given the all clear, the group of friends went ballistic. Confetti cannon’s, streamers, silly string, as many bottles of soda they could afford for the newly pregnant woman, they even purchased an entire butcher and patisserie worth of food for the event, with Kara stating that while Sam looked amazingly healthy, it was pregnancy tradition to gain at least fifteen pounds.

Kara knew the whole thing was unnecessary and definitely over done, but if it meant Sam had a good time, then that was important. While Sam and Kara weren’t close, it was something that Kara had wanted to change.

Admittedly, Kara hated Sam with a passion at one stage, as she had the attention from Lena that Kara had wanted at the time. But after seeing Lena and Sam at the park over a month ago, and with the way Lena spoke about Sam from time to time, Kara gathered just how important Sam was to Lena, particularly after Lex passed.

To Lena, Sam was like Kara’s Alex. Sam had most likely been the most important person in Lena’s life for a long time, and still stood as one of the most important people. Kara knew it was too early to assume herself as one of those people, or if she would ever be again, but Sam definitely was, and that meant something to Kara. If Sam was important to Lena, Kara wanted to get to know her, because what was important to Lena was important to Kara.

Luckily for them, the weather still wasn’t too cold for outdoor activities, so they decided to set up their surprise party by the lake just out of town. Their congratulatory banners were hung between the pillars holding up a shelter over the tabled area, and Mike started cooking up some sausages and patties with James to be ready for Sam’s arrival. Alex and Lucy were currently gushing over how adorable the Matthews’ baby girls looked, and promptly stole them away from Imra.

Maggie and Imra were mingling with Winn and Lyra, trying to find the best place for the confetti cannons so Sam wouldn’t see them. Kara was waiting by the car park for Lena and Sam’s arrival, pacing nervously between the decorative boulders on either side of the path, wondering if Sam would love the surprise, or hate the surprise.

A familiar Volvo pulled into the car park, and Kara found herself wringing her hands behind her back. Lena stepped out of the car comfortably, walking over to Kara and pulling her into a hug like second nature. Kara had come to really miss Lena’s hugs whenever she wasn’t, well, being hugged.

It was an odd thing to feel, but there was something so comforting about being in Lena’s hold that Kara just couldn’t achieve with anyone else. She especially missed them over the last month, each time that Lena said goodbye, or she said goodbye. She would miss the warmth and security the second either girl pulled away.

She would miss the smell of Lena’s rosey perfume, and the way her hair always smelt like a minty cinnamon. She missed the way Lena’s fingers would occasionally drum on her back, or when Lena would wrap her arms around the expanse of Kara’s slim back and grip her sides. And she anticipated the feeling for the next time she shared a hug with Lena.

The present was no exception, apart from Sam interrupting their bliss.

“Okay lovebirds, we get it, you’re cute. Now what’s going on?” Sam asked, torn between both mocking Lena and Kara, and being genuinely curious.

Kara smiled bashfully, then took it upon herself to explain the situation. “So, as you know, Lena’s mentioned that you are expecting. I know we don’t know you at all basically, but you’re Lena’s family, so we wanted to do something special for you—“

Before Kara was finished, she was interrupted by Sam who was dramatically fanning her shimmering eyes. “I know it’s too early to be emotional, but I am right now” She partly sobbed.

Sam pulled Kara into a light hug of gratitude. “Thankyou, Kara. I really do appreciate this. I can see why Lena likes you” Sam commented off-handedly, knowing that Lena couldn’t hit her even if she wanted to, not anymore. It came to bite Lena in the back more sooner than she expected, and Kara watched as Lena’s lips pursed and she gave Sam a deathly glare.

The trio eventually started making their way back to the tables and barbecue station, with Lucy and Alex inconspicuously hiding behind some brick benches, cannons at the ready.

The remaining group of friends were all smiling at Sam nonchalantly, besides Winn who looked as guilty as ever. Kara glimpsed back to see Lena looking at her in question, but she turned to the front and continued walking.

She hadn’t told Lena of their more dramatic plans, knowing Lena would probably object. The suspense was hilarious though, and Kara could practically see the glare Lena was giving her, much less feel the annoyance radiating from Lena behind her, at not being let in on whatever the group of friends were planning.

When they reached position, Kara let out a small cough, signalling for Lucy and Alex to come into view, and let the small cannons fire. In a success of bangs, confetti came raining down all over everyone, with a few shrieks of surprise. Once Lucy and Alex had made their way through the blizzard of confetti, the group all simultaneously cheered; “Happy Pregnancy, Sam!”.

The woman looked absolutely terrified, but mainly ecstatic, with bits of confetti through her hair and on her clothes. Lena looked positively startled, which only made the whole thing so much more hilarious.

“Thankyou all so much!” Sam gasped, still in shock from the surprise.

Alex stepped forward from the group of friends holding a wrapped gift in her hands. She smiled warmly at Sam, extending her arms for Sam to take the gift. “You’re part of Lena’s family, so you’re a part of this one. We all chipped in for this, it’s not much, but the memories you’ll have are forever”.

Sam took the gift from Alex, too lost for words as she started becoming emotional again. Alex wrapped an arm around Sam’s shoulder in comfort, then Mike stepped forward holding a tray of food.

“Lena told us you like honey sausages, have at it” He said, placing the tray by the bread and serviettes, along with a fresh salad bowl and cheese platter.

Sam promptly stepped out from Alex’s arm and straight to the sausages, releasing an audible moan of approval. “What are you trying to get me fat?” Sam asked playfully.

The group of friends became quickly aquatinted with Sam, and Lena and Kara took the alone time to spend together, ignoring the teasing from Sam and Alex, both agreeing that the whole thing was organised just so the pair could have another ‘date’.

“If you guys wanted alone time, you could’ve just booked a hotel” Alex called, gaining an eruption of laughter from the group.

Kara flipped her sister of good naturedly, then joined Lena on the gravel path, following it to some wooden seats closer to the lake. There were some people doing ski boarding, which provided some entertaining visuals, especially when one person slipped and face planted into the water.

There was also a family doing some kayaking, which was equally as funny when they heard the desperate calls of the parents to tell their child to stop before they end up capsizing in the weeds. The acoustics were great apparently, and they heard the pure terror coming from the over reacting parents. It reminded Kara of their middle school camp trip to the coast, when they had a day scheduled for a kayaking trip from the camp wharf to the estuary, then back to the camp.

The trip started out reasonably well, until the weather took a turn for the worst, and the entire grade ended up huddled under a small pergola, which barely fit them all, during a hail storm. By the time the weather calmed, the camp leaders decided to just return to camp rather than complete the trip. The only problem was, there was a windy front directly in their path back to camp.

It was only a few kilometres, but combined with a five hundred metre expanse at least, from lake shore to lake shore with a powerful wind at their front that the students had to kayak through, it felt more like a few hundred. In other words, a piece of cake.

Lena and Kara were in a double kayak, which was better than those in a single, but it was still a nightmare. For every metre they gained, if they stopped paddling, they were back even further.

Eventually, out of exhaustion, Kara jumped out of the canoe, then grabbed the rope handle at the bow and started pulling. She was tall enough to walk on the sand below with the water just above her chest. The water was surprisingly warm aswell, considering the storm that passed. Lena sat back and enjoyed passing all the struggling students as Kara pulled her along, all the way to a large sandbar as their half way point.

It was a memory that Kara remembered fondly, and she wondered if that’s what Lena thought of too as they watched the capsizing child and their frantic parents.

It was just the two of them on the wooden seat, sitting side by side, shoulder to shoulder, enjoying the warmth the other provided. They could hear the cheering and noises coming from behind them, and the sound of Alex scolding Winn for taking all the sausages that were meant to be for the help Sam gain fifteen pounds train.

Kara smiled to herself. Alex would make an incredible mother. She wondered if Alex and Maggie had discussed the matter, but whenever she brought the topic up, Alex seemed to deflate, then change the topic completely. When she looked back again, she saw Alex going through the empty photo album that Sam had unwrapped, presumably, and hypothetically fawning over pictures that were still yet to be placed inside.

Then she saw Maggie, possibly the furthest person away from Alex, Sam, and the photo album. When she thought about it more, she realised how distant Maggie seemed to be in general around children, or the thought of children. Maggie wasn’t with Alex while Alex was fawning over Sam and the photo album, and Kara doesn’t recall seeing Maggie spend much of any time with Mike and Imra’s children either.

She always seemed to be busy, or associating with other people. Then whenever the topic of children emerged in general conversation, Maggie became unusually quiet. Then there was the way Alex avoided the subject completely when Kara asked, that was the icing on the cake. Did Maggie not _want_ kids, but Alex _did?_

If that was an argument that the pair consistently had, Kara wondered why Alex never sought to even tell her for emotional support. Surely it must be ruining Alex if it were true, because Kara _knew_ Alex wanted a family. The pair had been high school sweet hearts, and that’s something people don’t just easily throw away. They had a connection, greater than Kara ever understood, but if Maggie didn’t want children, and that was tearing them apart, Alex would need all the help she could get.

Kara’s train of though was interrupted by a nudge on her shoulder. “Hey, Mrs. Deep in Thought, what’s going on?” Lena asked curiously.

Kara’s face still resembled that of someone completely distracted as she turned to face Lena. “I was just thinking— it’s stupid, but, Alex and Sam... they look happy right?” Kara asked.

Lena eyed Kara suspiciously, then turned to look at the two girls in question. Her facial expression changed as she saw them, Kara noted, but couldn’t quite decipher it. “They do. But where’s Maggie?”.

“That’s what I was thinking about” Kara commented off-handedly.

Lena gave Kara a questioning gaze, prompting her to elaborate. “I dont know, I’m probably just over thinking. Forget everything I just said.” Kara said, diverting the subject.

“Anyway, Sam in general looks happy” Kara said enviously, gazing at the girl in thought.

“She does”. Lena agreed, “But I feel like this is her strong front”.

“What do you mean?” Kara asked, still admiring how unflinchingly happy Sam seemed to be.

Kara heard Lena shuffle in her seat, and turned to look at her friend who had adopted a more serious demeanour. “She’s wanted this for a while now, to start a family. And she’s over the moon about it, but I think it will overwhelm her down the road. She is a single mother as of now”.

“Well she has _you_ ” Kara offered with a supportive smile.

Lena returned Kara’s smile. “And now also you”. Lena leaned forward on her seat, her tone becoming more hushed as if Sam were listening in on their conversation. “Between you and me, she tries to act all tough and imposing. But she’s about as intimidating as a kitten with a bow tie”.

A huge laugh erupted from Kara’s throat, and her immediate thought was Alex. “That is Alex in a nutshell. It’s like _‘fear me Kara’s future partners’_ ,” She spoke lowly, “And all I want to do is pet her”.

“Touché” Lena chuckled.

Kara sat their for a moment, admiring how easily their conversation and banter flowed between them, and how they seemed to be comfortable no matter which topic they discussed, apart from slight embarrassment from time to time.

“You should come to the Halloween party at The Bar. Sam is welcome too of course” Kara said hopefully after a moments silence.

“Tomorrow night?” Lena asked.

Kara responded with a cheery nod, and Lena continued. “I’ll see how my schedule goes, I’m expecting a call from an employee in Switzerland, and I may get held up.”

 _“Held up? Switzerland?”_ Kara repeated incredulously. “It’s _Halloween_ , Lena!”.

Lena chuckled at Kara’s enthusiasm. “I know, but there’s a patient from the children’s hospital who’s seeing a cardiac specialist, and I’d like to know how they go, and if I need to organise transport back to America”.

Kara smiled warmly at Lena. “That’s one of the infinite things I love about you. They aren’t even your child, they’re one of hundreds, but you’re still just as invested in them as any parent would be”. Kara said sincerely, then couldn’t help but chuckled as Lena’s cheeks tinted red.

“Careful there, Danvers, you’re rubbing off on me” Lena said playfully. “What’s the bar called?” Lena quickly asked, trying to ignore Kara’s now flushed appearance to the best of her ability.

 _“The Bar”_ Kara said casually, regaining her composure.

Lena rolled her eyes, thinking Kara was trying to play with her further. “Yes, Kara, what’s it called?” She asked.

 _“The Bar”_ Kara said again, pausing between words.

Lena’s eyes widened at Kara’s apparent childish behaviour. It would have been otherwise cute if Lena wasn’t so serious or rattled from their previous, and honest topic. _“But what is the bar called, Kara?”_ Lena punctuated with slightly more annoyance.

“The _bar_ is called _‘The Bar’,_ you idiot” Kara chuckled, mocking Lena’s previous tone.

Lena’s eyes widened again, in realisation, then in guilt. “Oh” She mumbled.

Kara chuckled even louder, resting her head on Lena’s shoulder. Lena absentmindedly rested her head on Kara’s, and they both went back to watching the lake’s activities. Lena almost missed when Kara quietly mumbled.

“If you can, and you’re not held up, I would like you to come with me, please” She said softly, her gaze shooting straight ahead at the glimmering of the water, the noise from the celebration behind them all but a faded echo.

Lena tucked her head even closer to Kara’s, her hand moving of its own accord to cup Kara’s hand, giving a reassuring squeeze before letting go. “If I’m not held up, I promise I’ll be there. Just text me the time and address, and I’ll be there.”

Kara sighed contendedly into Lena’s shoulder, both girls oblivious to the camera capture behind them as Sam and Alex took what would become the first photo in Sam’s new photo album.

* * *

There was something so refreshing about being surrounded by her closest friends. Although Alex hadn’t been overly close with Kara’s group of friends in high school, she did have a friendship with them, and she respected and trusted them.

Her bond with Kara’s friends only strengthened when most of them found themselves in National City, particularly when they started their game nights as a stress reliever at the end of each month. She understood why Kara was such close friends with them in the first place.

They were amazing people, who had their faults like everyone, but always put other people before themselves. Their celebration for Sam was only proof of their kind hearts. They didn’t know Sam, apart from Lucy, or didn’t owe her the celebration they had organised, but they did it anyway, and because of that they all had another new, amazing person as part of their group.

Despite how Sam was unknowingly, and partly involved in Kara’s difficult past, everyone treated Sam like one of their own. Mike was particularly fond of Sam, as she matched his fast witted humour, and he and Imra happened to be the only other people who knew of what Sam should expect as a parent.

Everyone was fond of Sam, even the Matthews’ Great Dane, and Kara’s dogs Lexa and Schnitzel. Apparently it was to do with a hormonal scent that women give off when pregnant, Sam mentioned her own dog had been very protective over her, even when it was just Lena around, before she even knew she was pregnant.

Alex found that amusing, considering Sam’s dog could just about knock anyone over if he wanted to. But Sam was more than just a pregnant women with an overly protective dog, Alex couldn’t remember when she was this openly engaged with anyone in a _long_ time.

She knew if there was _anyone_ she should feel that way with, it should be Maggie, but they had their own private issues that not even Kara or Eliza knew about. Alex knew it was unfair to compare her girlfriend of over ten years to a women she had just met an hour ago, but it was difficult not to when Sam represented everything that Alex envied, and desired to have in a partner.

Not that Maggie didn’t, Alex loved Maggie, but that was where their issues stemmed from, that was what had been creating an even bigger space between the pair. Maggie was smart, brave, confident, charismatic, incredibly charming and sexy, but she lacked the one thing that Sam had.

Alex wanted a family, she wanted children, yet she didn’t think Maggie did. Maggie had never told her explicitly she didn’t want children, but she didn’t have to either.

It was the way she always disengaged on the topic, the way she gave off short and sharp answers, or tried to change the topic. The way she was _never_ the one to bring up raising children or a having a family outside of the two of them, and Maggie could not have been more clear than the way she had been avoiding Sam like the plague, even after Alex had insisted she come over.

Sam didn’t seem to notice, but Alex did, she noticed every single time. So it was difficult for her to see people even younger than her, starting out or living the life she wanted with Maggie, a life that may not even happen as long as she stays with Maggie.

It rippled right through her like an earth quake, every time she thought about a future without Maggie, but Maggie’s lack of interest in even the idea of children made Alex question her own decisions in life, and where she might want to be in another five years time if she stayed with Maggie.

Who knows, Maggie might end up as the Captain of the precinct, and Alex herself as head of her department in the government. She imagined a house in the suburbs, with some dogs, and maybe a few cats. No matter how much she imagined her life could become, no matter how much excess or minuscule things she thought of, she continually ended at the same place.

Each time she questioned it, she ended up at the same conclusion, she wanted a family. There was no room for compromise, it’s black and white, either you want a family or you don’t, you have a family or you don’t. If that meant Maggie didn’t want children, and the only way Alex could have children was by doing it alone, Alex wasn’t so sure she could put Maggie’s needs before her own, not with something greater than the two of them.

“You’ve been staring at that salad for ten minutes straight” Sam stated, taking a seat opposite from Alex at the wooden tables.

Alex looked up at the younger woman, startled for a moment before implementing her acquired skills to disguise just how dysphoric she actually felt. “I was having a staring contest” she quipped.

Sam quirked a brow, a smirk pulling at her flawless face. “Did you win?”.

Alex sized the younger woman up, and found her to be sincere, despite her playful exterior. Perhaps she wasn’t as good at hiding how she felt anymore, or perhaps it was just Sam she couldn’t fool. “Doesn’t feel like it” She mumbled, gazing over to where Kara and Lena were snuggled up on a bench.

Sam followed her gaze to where the pair were, and let out a small chuckle of approval. “They’re so whipped and they don’t even see it”.

Alex shared Sam’s laugh, admiring how Sam seemed to be just as invested in Kara and Lena as she was. “How’s Lena been?” Alex asked.

Her undertones did not go amiss, as Sam leaned over the table further, their conversation becoming more private. “Confused and scared. How’s Kara?” She asked.

Alex nodded, her signature ‘concerned mother’ look, as Kara would say, gracing her features. “Not confused anymore thank heavens, but she is scared.” Sam nodded in understanding, compelling Alex to continue. “It’s hard being the big sister, to remember the person she was without Lena. I know that Kara, I _knew_ that Kara, but when she’s around Lena now, I feel like I don’t know who she is. Not in a bad way at all, it’s just, I wish she could see what I see. I mean, she has glasses but she’s still blind as a bat” Alex complained hysterically.

Sam chuckled softly, looking back towards the pair. “Are the glasses new? I don’t really recall her having them before”.

“She’s always needed them. They just broke a lot in school, so she wore contacts instead. But even they irritated her eyes, so she mostly just wears her glasses. It adds to the whole reporter _ensemble_ ” Alex emphasised in her best French accent, gesturing to own attire.

Sam erupted into a beautiful laughter, if Alex was honest, and she admired further the natural beauty of the woman. She knew it was wrong to admire other people when she was meant to be _happily_ attached, but that’s all it was, just admiring, like admiring art in an art gallery.

“I can see that.” Sam chuckled, giving Alex a warm smile.

Alex wasted no time in returning the smile, then followed her previous train of thought. “For Kara, being around Lena, it’s like everything about her is amplified, and you can tell just how settled she is by looking at her. You can tell how serene she feels, and how much happier she is. It’s a beautiful thing”.

Sam nodded in understanding, clasping her hands together on the table. “You know, Lena and I, we dated for a while, and if there’s one thing I know, she never once looked at me the way she looks at your sister, not even close. Sometimes people need to see things unclearly before they become clear”.

“Words of wisdom” Alex quipped, receiving a grin from Sam in return.

Alex sighed, stretching backwards on the bench, soaking in the sun rays peaking through the clouds as she felt her bones crack with the release of built up tension. “They always were stubborn” Alex managed to mumble through a yawn. “They don’t look confused when they’re together, though.” She commented, looking back at Lena and Kara who had moved even closer together.

“Don’t tell Lena that, or she’ll bite your head off” Sam said seriously, but her smirk said otherwise.

“Trust me, I’ve already had my head bitten off” Alex exaggerated. “If I so much as look at Lena the wrong way, I get daggers from Kara”.

“If I so much as say _anything_ suggestive about Kara, Lena’s throwing pillows at my head!” Sam exclaimed, mirroring Alex’s shocked expression.

Alex picked up her fork and started flicking her salad around the bowl, her demeanour becoming a little more playfully settled. “They’ll see it one day, and I can’t wait for when they do”.

“ _God, yes_ ” Sam said, a little too emotively, causing a few heads to whip around in their direction, Maggie’s curious eyes included. “I wonder why I became a lawyer when I could have been a psychologist, then get paid to give therapy to the youngest CEO of the year”.

“I’ve already told Kara I’m charging for our sessions” Alex said, almost evilly.

Sam’s eyes widened in shock. “Just wait until they finally get together and they need couple’s therapy!” Sam slammed her hands on the table in faux exasperation.

“They can find a new therapist then!” Alex exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air in surrender.

A cool breeze settled in, causing the excited noise to be replaced by a few shivers. Alex pulled her jacket tighter around her body, watching as Sam looked between her and Maggie, who had now retired to entertain all four dogs with Winn. Alex was silently thankful that Maggie wasn’t within earshot when Sam spoke next.

“So you and Maggie, hows that going?” Sam asked, flicking some locks of hair from her face. “Sorry— did I overstep?” She asked, concerned when Alex didn’t respond.

“No, not at all” Alex assured with a small smile. She looked back over toward Maggie, then toward Sam, finding herself oddly comfortable around the younger woman. “Maggie is... she’s great, but there are some things we need to work through, like any couple does”.

Sam offered a supportive smile. “Well good luck with whatever it is. If it’s any help, my parents always told me to always fight for what you believe in. Sometimes people need to be selfish in order to look after themselves, and if it means hurting someone else, that’s just a part of it. _You_ matter too, and _you_  need to come first every once in a while” Sam said seriously.

Alex gave Sam a playful grin. “I might have to start paying _you_ for therapy sessions”.

Sam waved Alex off dramatically. “Don’t worry about, this one is on the house. Think of it as an incentive to come back”.

Alex locked eyes with Sam, catching a flicker in her gaze which wasn’t entirely playful, but something a little more serious. “Maybe” Alex murmured lowly.

Before either girl could say any more, Mike was approaching them eagerly, pointing over to where Kara and Lena were. When Alex turned to look, her heart warmed in her chest as she saw her little sister with an arm wrapped around Lena, while both girls rested against each other.

Alex heard a low, but audible moan of affection come from Sam, the brunette clearly approving. Alex then turned to Sam, her camera at the ready with a spur of the moment idea.

“First album photo?” She asked, holding out her camera for Sam to take.

Sam grinned, took the camera, then crept down the path closer to the two girls. Alex watched as Sam tried hiding behind a tree, then tried using the tree as a perch for the camera. Then she watched as Sam physically contorted in the air, trying to get in the best position for the photo, even if it hurt her.

The woman was certainly dedicated, but not at all good at being inconspicuous. If Kara and Lena weren’t so absorbed in each other, they probably would have noticed Sam’s non-stealthily appearance. Alex chuckled at the though, Sam was definitely a character.

Sam came waddling back, giggling childishly as she did. Alex stood to look at the photo, and she was amazed at Sam’s photography skills. For not an entirely expensive camera, Sam sure knew how to take a decent picture, much better than the blurry stills that Alex took. Perhaps they could swap advice in how to be stealthy, for Sam, and how to take at least a decent looking photo, for Alex.

The pair were too busy adoring the photo to notice that Lena and Kara had re-joined the group again, having been brought back by Lucy. Alex immediately straightened, giving Kara a not at all convincing smile. But before Kara could inquiry about her sisters odd behaviour, Lucy and James caught everyone’s attention by clinking some glasses.

The taller man gave a proud smile over the group of friends, and he pulled Lucy closer to his side. “We know that today is a celebration for Sam, and the thunder is all yours—“ James raised his glass to Sam in salute, “—but since we are all here, and even better, we have a new friend, Lucy and I would like to extend to you all an invitation”.

Without further delay, Lucy held up her hand, displaying a large ring, shimmering ring, mirroring the smile on her face. The response was series of whistles and applause from the men, and gasps and squeaks from the women.

Once the hype a settled, the newly engaged couple were bombarded with questions.

_“When did you even propose?—“_

_“Have you decided a date?—“_

_“Where will the ceremony be?—“_

_“Are you pregnant too?—”_

“Neither my fiancé or I are pregnant” James informed playfully. “But we have agreed on the ceremony to take place at Pearl Beach in Bora Bora”.

James turned to Lucy, who continued on just as ecstatically, despite the shock at such a destination. “We know it is quite the destination, but as you all know my father, General Lane, he was given some retirement vacation packages to distribute to veterans for their services. There were a few remaining packages, so James and I thought we could extend them to you guys, in hopes it would convince you guys to attend”.

“When is it?” Winn interrupted, just as James started handing out invitations.

James passed an invitation to Winn, and watched as the shorter man started bouncing with happiness. “Christmas in Bora Bora, you guys” Winn hollered dramatically.

Once the invitations reached the last of the group, Alex admired to decoration on the scroll. For so long Alex had been on the receiving end of invitations such as these, and while she was more than happy for her friends, she couldn’t help but be selfishly envious yet again.

Sam seemed to notice Alex’s slightly glum presence, and nudged he shoulder supportively. While Alex gave a soft smile toward the brunette, she also noticed Kara seemed to being experiencing similar feelings as she heard a small mumble behind her.

“Everyone’s pregnant or everyone’s engaged, I want a turn” Kara whispered to Lena.

A soft giggle sounded, presumably from Lena. “True, but just think about the beaches, the cocktails, the parties and the tan we’ll get” Lena whispered back.

“You don’t tan Lena, you burn, like a tomato.” Kara responded with too much humour.

Lena let out a sarcastic laugh, and Alex smiled at their antics. Another wedding might be on the horizon aswell, but at least Alex knew when to not openly speak her mind, and just be excited. Kara didn’t seem to have that filter apparently.

 _I want a turn too_ , Alex thought.

* * *

By the time the following night, Halloween night came, and Lena realised she _would_ infact be available, she began to look for any reason not to go. Not because she didn’t want to, she did, she _absolutely_ did, but she was nervous about having another situation with Kara, similar to the one from game night.

It was different the previous day at the lake, because they were there for Sam, they were celebrating Sam, and there wasn’t much room for off-handed thoughts, or silent desires. It was just the close, peaceful and comfortable interaction. But in an environment full of adrenaline, euphoria and passion, it would be quite the opposite.

Nor did it help that Lena and Kara’s track record with Halloween celebrations weren’t the most distanced from sexual activities, especially if Kara had decided on wearing something as appealing as she did nine years ago, when she didn’t infact have the matured body she possessed now.

Usually Lena was a very decisive and sure person, but she seemed to be having a lot of difficulties revolving around her feelings for Kara, even after taking a reasonable amount of time, and a talk with Sam to figure them out. What if something did happen at the party, out of an adrenaline induced impulse, and Lena wasn’t ready. Surely their friendship, or whatever it was would most definitely be ruined then, and Lena didn’t want that.

She could just imagine the way Kara would pull away out of guilt if something like that did happen. The blonde had even made it clear by her actions alone that she would wait for Lena, to make sure Lena was ready and comfortable.

Lena respected Kara’s patience more than Kara probably knew, and she liked the mysteriousness and uncertainty of it all to a degree, it gave her an odd thrill. A thrill as though there was something secret between them, that only they knew about and had to be kept a secret. But she also knew she couldn’t keep Kara waiting and waiting, she was being patient enough as it was.

She knew Kara _wouldn’t_ wait forever, and knew she would need to make a decision sometime soon, she just didn’t want the Halloween party to be that night, what with their memories and the fact that Lena was still debating against herself.

Contrary to her own thoughts, Sam seemed to be pushing Lena in the direction of sneaking off early, and taking Kara home to bed. Her point of view was rather odd, in that Lena wouldn’t do it in the first place, but if encourage to, and by having Kara at her doorstep, she would.

Having Kara anywhere near her doorstep was a pleasant thought if she were honest, which had to of been a good sign in helping her decision, but it was Kara, and Lena could never just take Kara home for the hell of it for a _‘root and boot’_ as Sam so eloquently put it.

But Sam was persistent as ever about Lena making a statement, and her costume was chosen specifically by Sam, who had spent the day shopping for attire that she knew would leave Lena embarrassed, and Kara a hot, desperate mess. With a final twirl in her heels, Lena looked back at Sam with much reluctance.

“Sam, are you sure I look okay?” Lena groaned, trying to cover her ample chest to the best of her ability.

So maybe the costume wasn’t exactly tailored, and Sam had knowingly purchased a size _too_ small. The results were a _near_ cameltoe, Lena having to wear her smallest thong, and her breasts spilling out of the corset which near restricted her breathing. Lena was moderately inspecting for an signs of cyanosis.

“Are you kidding? Your tits look massive in that, Kara is sure to have a conniption when she see’s you. It will be golden!” Sam cheered, removing Lena’s hands from her chest to push Lena’s bust up in effect.

Lena frowned, and let Sam do what she wanted. There was no stopping Sam when she had inspiration. “You and I have _very_ different perceptions of ‘ _golden_ ’”.

“ _Lena_ ” Sam said pointedly, moving to stand behind, and tower over Lena’s much smaller frame through their reflection. Sam’s fingers lightly drummed on Lena’s shoulders. “You need to be more confident in yourself, and your body. You are beautiful, and if I had your body, I would have slept through the whole of National City by now. You look fantastic, and tonight will _be_ fantastic. I will be there to help if you need, okay?” She said sincerely.

Lena frowned, still trying to subtly cover herself, only to have Sam smack her hands away. “I still think this costume is a bad idea” Lena mumbled.

Sam wrapped her hands around Lena’s waist in a comforting way, and she rested her chin upon Lena’s shoulder. “You won’t be thinking that when Kara see’s you. Now fix your hair, it’s uneven” Sam placed a chaste kiss to Lena’s cheek, which only served to make Lena even more conscious about herself.

Sam strutted off to fix the rest of her Hermione costume, looking back on Lena occasionally to make sure she didn’t change out of anything.

They decided to take Sam’s car to the address Kara had provided them. It was definitely another perk that Sam served as a designated driver since becoming pregnant, and if Lena could no longer hit her annoying friend from time to time, she would use her new found power to be the worst passenger ever.

She had already made ideas to call Sam in the middle of the night for lifts if Sam became particularly intolerable.

At first glance down the alleyway that Kara had provided the address for, Lena shivered. The place looked exactly where she wouldn’t want to be even in broad daylight, let alone on Halloween. There were a few decorations along the fence to the side of the bar, so Lena knew she was in the right place. Alex’s motorcycle also served as a good indicator that Kara hadn’t mistyped the address.

The temperature difference upon stepping inside the bar was enough to make Lena moan, her attire wasn’t exactly suited for the October night-time weather. Lena definitely knew she was in the right place when she saw even more decorations in the short walkway from the entry into the bar area itself. The place looked bigger on the inside than it did on the outside, and Lena was struggling to find anyone she recognised over the sea of bodies.

Halloween themed streamers decorated the roof and the bar stools, and carved pumpkin like lanterns served as the only light source in the bar, besides that of the bar area itself. There was even a stage set up in the corner which looked like a karaoke station. Parallel to the stage was a pool table, with what Lena recognised as a bunch of Storm Troopers playing a round.

The place definitely had a spooky aura about it, and definitely seemed to be a hot spot for Halloween goers. Off towards the opposite end of the bar was a pair of large doors with windows in the centre, which showed another room with a dance floor, a smaller service bar and a DJ booth.

Lena had still yet to see anyone she recognised, until Sam pushed her in the direction of the far end of the bar, where Lena could briefly make out a blonde with visibly enticing legs in blue swimming trunks, and a red vest for her top. Sitting next to the blonde looked to be Alex, who was dressed in orange spandex, a white top and an orange wig, an exact replica of ‘LeeLoo’ from _The Fifth Element._

Alex seemed to notice Lena’s eyes on them, as she swivelled Kara’s chair around so she was face to face with Lena. Lena watched as Kara’s jaw hit the floor, and her head visibly dropped down, checking Lena out in full, nothing subtle about it. Maybe Sam’s choice of outfit wasn’t a total flop. Lena made her way semi-confidently over to the sisters, who both looked impressed with the sight before them.

“I don’t know what you’re meant to be, but my _god_ you look incredible” Kara spluttered out before she could stop herself.

Alex covered a burst of laughter rather unwell with a cough, and she and Sam both left simultaneously, leaving a very flustered Kara gawking at Lena, and a spare seat for the raven haired woman. Lena sat down casually, admiring Kara’s own outfit which resembled that similar to _Baywatch_.

It showed off plenty of skin, and the amount of time Kara clearly spent working on her fitness. There looked to be not an ounce of fat on the girl, just lean muscle everywhere.

Lena quickly looked away, hoping she wasn’t caught openly gawking at Kara. “I’m meant to be Anna Valerious, it was Sam’s idea” Lena shrugged casually, still adjusting to the atmosphere of the night.

“I don’t know who that is” Kara bashfully admitted.

“Neither” Lena agreed with a laugh.

Kara sat back on her seat, her muscles on full display with the small movement and little clothing, Lena found herself suddenly loving that she wasn’t occupied with a call from Switzerland, so much that she hadn’t registered Kara talking to her.

“Lena? Lena, I said, can I get you a drink?” Kara asked, looking at Lena with a playful smile.

Lena nodded rapidly. “Yes, please. Do they have tequila?”.

Kara looked positively affronted by Lena’s question. “Do they have— of course they have tequila, Lena!” Kara exclaimed, shaking her head with a chuckle.

While Kara grabbed the bartenders attention, Lena scanned the room, looking for anyone else she recognised. She still came up empty, and wondered if it were only her, Kara, Sam and Alex at the bar.

“Here” Kara called, sliding Lena a shot of tequila.

“Thanks” Lena nodded, chucking back the liquid immediately, feeling the heated burn trickle down her chest.

She only just heard Kara’s quiet chuckle over the noise of dozens of people. “Need another?”. Kara asked.

Lena shook her head, still side tracked with trying to find anyone else. If it were just her and Kara, with Kara in _that_ attire, Lena would need more than one drink. “Where is everyone? Are we the only one’s here?” Lena finally asked.

Kara smiled at Lena’s apparent confusion, then moved closer so Lena could hear her properly, but all Lena could focus on was the strong coconut scent emitting from Kara’s firm body. “So, Mike and Imra are over by the pool table” Kara pointed to a pair dressed as Starlord and Gamora.

“Lyra is at an auction tonight for a new art piece for her and Winn’s apartment, so she couldn’t make it. She may stop by later though. Winn is over by the karaoke station trying to fix one of the wires”. Lena saw a man dressed as P.T. Barnum crawl out from underneath the karaoke station, obviously Winn, then followed Kara’s direction towards the doors leading to the next room. “James, Lucy and Maggie are all in there, dressed as the Predator, a Deathdealer from that vampire movie people seem to love, and Sarah Connor respectively—“

“Hold on” Lena interrupted. “Did you say James was dressed as _The Predator?_ ” Lena asked in shock.

Kara nodded lightly. “He is, and it’s quite frighteningly realistic when you see”.

A large grin pulled to Lena’s face, and Kara seemed to follow her train of thought as she began frantically shaking her head. “No, Lena. No, no, no. It’s dark in there and he really does look scary!”.

It didn’t take any time at all for Lena to remember Kara’s fear of anything remotely masked or horror like, yet Kara still seemed to love Halloween. It was quite odd. On impulse, Lena grabbed Kara’s hand and pulled her off the stool. “Come on, I just want to see his costume, and then we can dance”.

Kara seemed incredibly reluctant, but didn’t really have a choice when Lena began pulling her off into the next room. Lena felt Kara press up behind her as they waded through the bodies on the dance floor toward where James’ tall figure was.

Kara was right when she said James looked freaky, because even Lena had a fright when she saw him close up. But the fright disappeared relatively quickly, as James pulled Lena up into a hug.

“You made it!” James boomed through his helmet.

“Of course! Can you even see through that?” Lena yelled over the music, inspecting the helmet James was wearing.

James removed the helmet from his face which allowed Lena to see the small slits in position of his eyes. But all too quickly he was putting the helmet back on, then he lunged at Kara who squealed in fright.

Lena couldn’t help but laugh at Kara’s small frame wrapped up in James’ larger one, her smaller hands trying to push and whack the man off her.

“You’re an ass, James! I need a drink” Kara huffed before stomping off.

Lena continued inspecting James’ outfit, being a huge fan of the original predator movie, she was quite intrigued with how accurate his costume was. It must have cost a pretty dime for it all, even the skulls underneath the fish net material.

While Lena was playing with the black extensions from the mask, Kara returned with a massive tray of drinks, urging people to have them before they get knocked off. The five of them threw back the mix of shots like dehydrated athletes chugging back powerade, and the effects of the alcohol wasted no time in pushing Lena off into a floating state.

She wanted to move, she wanted to dance, she wanted to feel the music in her body, and feel the warmth of Kara behind her while she watched fellow halloweeners move around her.

The rest of the night was a blur, with Lena feeling Kara’s presence beside her or behind her the majority the time. It wasn’t until Sam called it a night, that Lena realised the bar wasn’t so crowded anymore as most people had congregated to the main room. Off in the corner, she could see they were setting up the rest of the Karaoke equipment, and she prayed for the poor, drunk souls who were called up to sing.

A man stepped onto the stage, who Lena recognised to be the DJ from earlier. He held two microphone’s in either hand, and gave a dramatic introduction, like the beginning of a wrestling match. She couldn’t understand much of what he was saying, the world around her was slightly slower and blurry from all the drinks she’d had, but she noticed the warmth beside her had been removed, and Kara was being pulled onto the stage by Winn.

Lena felt her weight shift with each way she tilted her head, noticing that the gathered crowd had quieted down some. Then she heard Kara’s familiar voice sound through the speakers. “If I sound like shit, blame the amount of drinks I’ve had, and my sister in the corner there”.

Lena kept her attention strained to Kara who was also looking directly at her with her intense ocean eyes. “This one’s for you, Lena” She said.

And then it happened.

* * *

 

 _The Bar_ was notorious for their exceptionally well organised Halloween parties, and many people seemed to think so. It was proof enough considering the amount of people who flocked in and out throughout the night. But this Halloween was by far the best Halloween Kara had been too, and it was all due to one person, Lena.

The exotic, scary, and crazy outfits people wore, usually trying to outdo each other, were already a distraction, but Lena was an even bigger one. In under five minutes of being in the company of Lena, Kara could feel the warmth in her stomach churning. She tried her best to cover her uncomfortability, but it became increasingly difficult with the more shots she downed, and the lower her inhibition went.

It became almost impossible when Lena was grinding against Kara on the dance floor in their alcohol induced haze, and Kara had the perfect view down the front of Lena’s— _no_. She tried not to think about that, or objectify Lena in any way.

But with each push of Lena’s backside against Kara’s front, a little bit more of Kara’s resolve faded. She was thankful when Alex intervened with Sam, giving Kara an amused grin, like she somehow knew of Kara’s suffering, while Lena still seemed to be out of it. Lena had had the most shots out of the group of friends, and she showed no signs of slowly down anytime soon.

Kara missed that side of Lena. The care free side, where she let her hair down, had a few drinks and just let her body move by its own accord. She had seen a glimmer of that Lena when they shared Whiskey at her apartment that night. There was no doubt that Lena had an incredibly stressful job, and she needed more nights where she just didn’t give a damn, and where she could lose control.

It was a humorous sight watching Sam try to give Lena water in attempts to sober her up. Luckily for Sam though, Lena just assumed she was drinking more alcohol, no doubt she would recognise the taste of it anymore, everything probably tasted the same to her.

The night carried on, and Lena sobered up some with the more water she was fed. They continued dancing together, forming a few dance circles for the skilled dancers to show their moves. Lena attempted to wade into the open space, but Kara pulled her back by the waist, laughing when Lena protested that she could dance like Jennifer Lopez on steroids.

Eventually Kara let her, after being convinced by Lena’s adorable pleading face. Lena all but strutted into the circle like Austin Powers would, then strutted back out the same before muttering something along the lines of “diggity”.

Slowly, people began to flutter out of the bar, and the remaining people congregated into the main room where karaoke was being held. Kara and Winn held the highest score in karaoke, and they were officially dubbed the Karaoke King and Kween. It was only tradition that they performed a song together at each celebration where karaoke happened.

The usual presenter, and bar DJ took to the small stage, introducing Winn and Kara for the newer people who hadn’t yet had the privilege of seeing the pair in action. Winn was as sober as anything, and Kara herself was only slightly tipsy, so it was fortunate that neither would make a fool of themselves.

Not like the story of the previous karaoke champion, Logan, who had to replace the entire sound system after emptying the contents of his stomach all over the electricals. He still drank at the bar from time to time, but the poor guy was banned from participating in karaoke.

Most of the crowd had hushed down in excitement for their karaoke champions, but Kara was only focused on one person, the person who looked about ready to fall off her chair from exhaustion.

“If I sound like shit, blame the amount of drinks I’ve had, and my sister in the corner there”. Kara slurred, pointing toward Alex who was hiding behind her hand, sniggering.

Kara turned her attention back to Lena, noticing that Lena seemed to be more attentive at what was happening. “This one’s for you, Lena”.

The beginning guitar chords of Aloe Blacc’s _‘Can You Do This’_ echoed through the speakers, and Kara already saw some of the crowd begin to shuffle back for room to dance. Kara never understood the people who could just sit monotonously through an upbeat song without doing anything. It was one of many songs that Kara frequently listened to in her spare time when she needed inspiration for a story, or when she tried to cook, which was _always_ a stressful event.

It accurately described her ‘shake it out’ song, and when she looked back towards Lena as her and Winn started sharing verse lines, Lena looked more like she was ready to fall off her chair from being too intrigued, rather than her previous exhaustion.

Singing with Winn was a feeling that never seemed to deflate in Kara. Ever since high school, the dorky boy embodied just as much warmth and enthusiasm as Kara did, and even on his own it was hard not to fall in love with his radiance and charisma. His voice certainly helped aswell, as it was raw, unique and powerful, one that not many people could even hope to achieve from years of practice.

Not even half way through the second chorus, everyone was up on their feet in their various costumes. Kara’s favourite were the Storm Troopers, who had taken perch on the bar bench. They were second behind Lena of course, who was currently being spun around by Alex, since Sam had left before karaoke started.

Kara almost lost her composure when Winn dropped to his knees, leaned backwards and began shimmying his shoulders. She was sure the man didn’t even realise how involved in the song he became. But Kara did her best to copy her friend’s spontaneous choreography, but she called it quits when Winn performed a mid-air splits. He was surprising flexible, even in his Starlord attire.

When the song finished, Kara and Winn linked hands, then bowed infront of the applauding crowd, but among all the faces, Kara could only see Lena and no one else. She looked as though she were having the time of her life, and it was a priceless feeling for Kara, watching Lena radiate with such euphoria, knowing that she in some way were responsible for it.

Eventually the bar quieted down even further after the karaoke uproar had finished. Many people volunteered, and tried to decrown Kara and Winn, but none were successful. By around four o’clock in the morning, the bar was mostly deserted, apart from a few people scattered around the various tables drinking water, tea or coffee.

Kara’s group of friends were still all there, sans Mike and Imra who had left shortly after karaoke to relieve their babysitter of her duty. Lucy and James were snuggly rested up against the wall, exhausted from spending the last hour jumping from the alleyway to scare the drunken people walking home. Winn was long passed out on the table, Lyra having not stopped by to keep the tired man company, and Alex and Maggie were sitting on some bar stools, looking not at all like they enjoyed the eventful Halloween.

Lena was close to passing out beside Kara, which was made evident when she stood with a yawn, then croakingly announced she was going to head home.

A unison of monotonous “see ya, Lena”’s were mumbled by those who were still awake, all except Kara who had stood along with her friend.

“I think I might go home too” Kara announced, catching a small thumbs up from Alex. Kara turned to Lena, who still looked incredibly beautiful even with disheveled hair, smudged makeup, and tired eyes.

Kara wouldn’t mind seeing Lena like that in a different setting, but she kept her thoughts to herself. Upon stepping outside, Kara scolded herself for not bringing a jacket to wear. She was still in her shorts that could barely even pass for shorts, and her red vest.

Lena let out a quiet laugh, and pulled Kara into her side so they could both gain a little warmth from the other. The decorations throughout the alley were still intact, and the skies were still very much dark. There was even a light frost which had fallen over the metallic objects in the street.

“How are you getting home?” Kara chattered, her goosebumps very much visible even under her almost non-existent clothing.

A white fog escaped Lena’s mouth as she chattered back. “I’ll just call my driver, I’m across the city.”

“Don’t be silly” Kara lightly scolded. “He’s probably still asleep, let’s just Uber instead.”

Lena agreed reluctantly, apparently having strong reservations about younger drivers who seemed to make up the majority of Ubers. There were too many reports of reckless drivers on the road in National City, most of them being younger drivers, and even teenagers.

Luckily, their driver, while young, seemed safe, and had the insight to have his heater blasting for all the poor people waiting for lifts in the chill of the early morning.

Kara followed Lena into her building, wanting to make sure Lena reached her apartment in one piece in her still slightly intoxicated state. Kara was surprised to learn that Lena had a very specific key card that worked only for the private elevator which went directly up to Lena’s penthouse, a level which only Lena alone could access with her card, and a biometric hand print scanner.

Kara understood why it was so secure, when the doors opened to reveal the inside of Lena’s rather expensive looking penthouse. Lena probably also had some confidential work she kept in her apartment relating to L-Corp. Kara could feel the heat radiating from within the penthouse, but refrained from marching in to Lena’s apartment without her saying so.

Kara watched as Lena awkwardly looked between herself, and the inside of her apartment. It was answer enough though, that Lena still wasn’t quite ready.

“So... uh... would you like to—“ Lena started.

Kara interrupted. “You hesitated” She said softly.

“Excuse me?” Lena asked, a small frown pulling at her tired eyes.

Kara looked down at the floor, wrapping her arms around herself for extra warmth. “You hesitated.” She met Lena’s eyes, and saw guilt ridden all over Lena’s beautiful face. “It’s okay, Lena. You’re not ready, so you hesitated. You won’t hesitate when you’re ready, you’ll just _do_.”

“Kara...” Lena trailed, remorsefully.

“I know.” Kara whispered, reaching for Lena’s wrist in comfort. “Listen, I don’t expect anything from you, I’m just happy I get to see you, I’m just happy that you’re my Lena again. So don’t rush, _please_. It will be right for us if _you_ feel right, _when_ you feel right. Until then...” Kara trailed, leaning in to place a soft kiss to the corner of Lena’s mouth. “Sleep tight”.

Kara’s hand slipped further down to clasp Lena’s in her own, letting Lena know it was okay, and that _she_ was okay. ”I’ll see you on Tuesday for brunch. I don’t think either of us will be up for it later today. Chinese again?”

All Lena could do was nod, as she gazed at Kara so lovingly, wondering how she became to be so lucky, and why she had to be so indecisive. “At least take this jacket will you, please?”. Lena reached behind the wall, presumably for the walk in hanger.

Kara took the soft jacket Lena offered, then led Lena further into her apartment by her hand, then stepped back into the elevator, pressing the button for the ground floor.

“Don’t forget to remove that makeup, it’ll set even further if you don’t and you’ll be quite the visual later today” Kara called, just in time before the elevator doors closed.

Her vision of Lena was then obscured completely, replaced by her own distorted, metallic reflection. She rode the elevator in silence, no elevator music to accompany her on the lone trip down. She pulled out her phone, then called the Uber who had dropped them off.

She waited patiently in the warmth of the lobby, soaking in Lena’s familiar perfume from the jacket, and admiring the small water fountain beside the abandoned receptionist desk. She looked toward the elevator every so often, part of her imagining Lena emerging and then pulling her inside, part of her wanting Lena to do that.

But Kara was comfortable, knowing that it was just a matter of Lena understanding her feelings, a lot like how Kara herself did nine years ago. She knew they existed, and knew they were scratching at Lena’s surface, she could see it as clearly as she saw the Uber driver pull up outside the building. And when Lena was ready, she wouldn’t hesitate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introducing a possible AgentReign. Do let me know in the comments if you want AgentReign to happen. Maggie will still be part of the story because I love her, but let me know if you want AgentReign otherwise I’ll just continue what I’m doing now! (For those who may think Alex was being too close with Sam this chapter, please remember Alex is Kara’s sister, and Sam is basically Lena’s family. So that’s all that was. There’s no underlying agenda... for now maybe. You decide). There was also a special featured section which showed Alex’s P.O.V. This won’t be a recurrent thing, it was done specifically for this chapter only.
> 
> I am very mindful of comments and while Im 100% on team don’t rush it, this chapter is set about a month after last chapter ended. And during that time, we know they have become even more close than before, and even more comfortable with the way they feel which I have analysed. Be mindful I wrote most of it after a bottle of champagne, and I couldn’t bring myself to alter it much.
> 
> I’ve provided a basic recap on the time gone by, but this story does need to move on a bit. So this is me picking up the pace. I’m still team don’t rush it, it’s just nervous fluff right now in build up for what many people are anticipating, and I am myself :)
> 
> Also, I published a prologue of sorts for a new work called ‘Prisoner 212’, which is a Supercorp inmate AU. I debated calling it ‘I Love You, Prisoner 212’ because it rhymed, but it seemed a little clichè. Although I make reference of it, the fiction is nothing like oitnb, there is no comparison at all, so if you want to check it out, please don’t have oitnb expectations. Like that’s just being prisonist to female prisoners! But the plot will be substantially darker, and the characters are a complete 180 of what we know them as. There will be a lot of angry Kara, so check it out if it appeals to you, and don’t forget, Prison sex ;) Plot is still being developed for it too, so that means I’m taking reader suggestions.
> 
> P.S. that camping trip was real, and it was my year 6 camp experience to Sydney :P


	18. Amazing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Warning* contains organ melting fluff (I hope). Be prepared for the smut that follows neck chapter ooga booga. And for the real warning: minor mentions of depression.
> 
>  
> 
> When all you want to do is rock  
> But you don't want to bear the shock no more  
> When it's just swell that fills your eyes  
> Belated feelings that you have denied
> 
> When every wolf is at your door  
> Just like a million times before  
> But you don't want to leave the end
> 
> 'Cause you were amazing  
> And we did amazing things  
> And I wouldn't change it  
> 'Cause we were amazing things

True to her word, Kara had shown up on the Tuesday with a bag of Chinese, and smile from ear to ear, just the way Lena loved. Accompanying her was also the fluffy jacket Lena had given her in the early hours of Monday morning.

Lena couldn’t deny that Kara looked better in that jacket, better than she ever could. But she was slightly bias, Kara was wearing her clothes after a night together, and that’s something she never thought she would see, let alone admit to herself, even though they weren’t at all intimate.

If there was one thing that hadn’t changed over their years apart upon being in Kara’s company, if there was one constant, and beautiful familiarity, it was Kara’s smile. It wasn’t just a smile that touched her face, it touched every single part of her, and everyone around her aswell. It was the kind of smile that made you stop, that demanded your attention like a fat lady screaming, and made you forget everything else in the world. Again, Lena was slightly bias because it was Kara.

However, it was enough to make Lena completely forget why Kara was even striding into her office in the first place, much less the scattered paperwork atop her desk for L-Corp’s financial quarter.

When Kara Danvers smiled, she truly smiled, with her heart, her soul, and her body. Her smile was a pandemic, and Lena _always_ seemed to be patient zero. Kara’s smiling had become particularly frequent around Lena recently, much more so than when they had reunited months ago.

Lena was in no condition to complain, especially when it was her that seemed to be the reason for Kara’s smiling. She would do anything and everything to see Kara smile, even at her own expense. If it made Kara smile, it was worth it.

So when Kara showed up, her long legs on full display in her long sleeved, baby blue dress, striding towards Lena’s desk with that familiar smile engraved on her face, Lena couldn’t help but smile back. One would have to be a psychopath in order to not want to smile back at Kara, either that or blind. But Lena had her suspicions that even a blind person would still smile. Kara was utterly infectious, and Lena was utterly smitten.

Utterly smitten by the fact that Kara had surprised her yet again over the weekend with her kind words and gentle actions. But as surprising as Kara had been lately, the longer they continued their dance together, the more unattainable, and out of reach Kara seemed to get. Lena knew she hadn’t been helping the cause a great deal, and the constant cross roads they came to about progressing their _relationship_ was due to her. She knew what Kara would like from their relationship, it had been made honestly clear to her twice now.

Despite her conversation with Sam, Lena learned from previous experience with Kara that honesty didn’t always lead to the best of things, but she knew she couldn’t bottle up her thoughts, or remain indecisive forever. All she had needed was a sign, a sign to remind her that Kara loved her beyond a friend. She needed that reassurance that Kara was willing to be vulnerable with her the way she was with Kara so many years ago, that Kara could show her not by her words, but by her actions instead.

And by the grace of whatever higher being existed, Lena received her long awaited sign.

Maybe it was all those things Kara had admitted to her over the weekend that finally flipped the switch within her mind, that was the catalyst to a reaction for Lena to finally see and feel what had been hidden. Or maybe it was the way Kara kissed her the previous morning. Whatever it was, Lena knew she was finally in the position to have the relationship she wanted, with the person she wanted, because Kara wanted _her_.

Lena always wanted any kiss with Kara to be special in some capacity, and the kiss Kara gave her was exactly that. It was the sign she had been looking for, it was Kara’s silent promise, one which Lena didn’t realise was the thing holding her back from Kara all along, the one thing she had been waiting for.

Part of Lena wondered why Kara still stuck around to show her, even after all of it, which led her to the conclusion that maybe it wasn’t her own feelings she had been doubtful of. It wasn’t about whether she could be vulnerable, or feel the things she had suppressed for nine years, it was about if Kara could.

Kara had still, after every single hurdle, shown Lena that she was there, and that she wasn’t going anywhere. Kara had finally relented and shown Lena that vulnerable part of her that Lena didn’t realise she had been waiting for. Maybe all of her doubt had been surrounding the realisation that Kara actually felt for her, in the way Lena so desperately wanted her to nine years ago.

So, for that exact reason, the day felt different to any other in Kara’s company, because Lena finally _knew_. But the cards were still in Kara’s hands for the time being, and Lena was comfortable with where they were in their relationship. She was comfortable with the simplicity and domesticity of it all, she was comfortable that Kara knew, that _she_ knew, and that Kara _didn’t_ know _she_ knew. There was no harm in soaking up all the simplicity of Kara that Lena could while they were still _friends_. Lena had waited nine years, what’s a little more time in the face of that.

On the bonus, there was no lingering cloud over her head about whether or not her feelings for Kara were existent anymore, because she knew for a fact they were. There was no pressure or barely noticed tension between the pair, it was just _right_ , and she was positive that the shift in atmosphere was noticeable for Kara, even if the reporter couldn’t pin point the cause just yet.

There was, after all, two ways a relationship with Kara could go. They could be epic like the love novels, or they could be tragic, again like the love novels. Lena had experience in the latter, so soaking up the perfect while it potentially lasted seemed like a good idea, as did the nostalgia of being so close with Kara again in way that came so naturally and innocent, as if their messed up past was nothing but a figment of imagination, or a nightmare to which Lena had finally been released from.

The moment was right for Lena, but until the moment became right to share with Kara, Lena would wait. It didn’t mean Lena couldn’t have a little fun with teasing Kara in the mean time though, potentially while it lasted aswell. Lord knows that Kara’s Halloween get up wasn’t just for the celebration.

For someone who was meant to be a government agent, trained in the art of stoicism and innocence, Alex wasn’t at all convincing in her more than obvious participation in selecting Kara’s costume, much like Sam for Lena.

Lena had propped her raven hair with some light waves, she had put a little extra effort into her makeup routine, going with a slightly more natural look as it was Kara’s favourite, but also still enough to be intimidating. She had even foregone her usual business attire for something a little more extra, something she might wear for a fancy dinner date.

It didn’t help that Lena’s lunch time arrival the previous day, looking like death reincarnate, didn’t help her image as a female CEO. Lena had her status to uphold, but she could still be subtle about her image towards Kara.

She wanted to look good for Kara, she wanted to mesmerise Kara, to leave Kara standing there with her mouth dry and her hands fidgeting, not that she hadn’t done so already, but there was an urge for her to look her utmost best for the blonde, as though they were already a couple, even though Kara was still none the wiser.

Perhaps that was also due to their semi kiss the previous morning, one Lena been so disappointed by after her epiphany a short while later that day. Plus, a nervous Kara was Lena’s favourite Kara.

Either that, or certain pictures that were uploaded to one Alex Danvers’ Facebook profile had Lena’s stomach tightening, and she wanted Kara to feel the exact same way. Unsettled and uncomfortable, in the very best of ways.

While downing multiple cups of coffee in the later afternoon of the previous day, Lena had been browsing through the multitude of photos Alex had uploaded to her social media. Some photos were flattering, others not so much, and others were downright disturbing, to anyone who didn’t know Lena or Kara and their history. She couldn’t even remember half the photos being taken, but oh how she wanted to.

One of her favourite photos by far had to of been a candid, where Lena was looking off into the distance, laughing at something probably not even funny at the time, while she perched upon Kara’s knee. Kara’s face on the other hand was absolutely glorious, simultaneously drained of colour and completely flushed. While Lena was preoccupied with an apparent comedian, Kara was preoccupied with a certain bust on display directly in her immediate line of sight.

Lena put two and two together, not that she needed to. It was quite obvious what Kara was focused on, which was why she resembled a tomato-esque ghost in the picture.

Lena was counting down the seconds until she received a phone call from Sam, blasting off about how right she had been on selecting Lena’s outfit. The pregnant woman would probably go off on a tangent about cause and effect, and how such a complex process can be explained by such a simply photo. Ergo, Lena’s boobs, and Kara being transfixed.

It wasn’t the only photo Lena marvelled at however, in the dim light of the bar, it wasn’t enough to just vaguely feel the muscles beneath Kara’s tanned body. With the flashed photos Alex uploaded, Lena got a much better look at Kara’s toned physique in her Baywatch outfit.  
The girl could even pass as one of the Baywatch babes if she so desired, and yes, Lena desired.

Her mind wandered off on its own accord after that, wondering how Kara’s body would feel underneath her, if Kara would twitch or tense in a particularly sensitive area, if Kara would be susceptible and sensitive under her touch, or if Kara would become a pliable, putty, and wanton mess underneath Lena’s roaming hands, as Lena had fantasised about once upon a time. She wondered if Kara would be loud, if she would moan, beg, or call Lena’s name, or if she would be shy and quiet. All the endless possibilities and not at all enough time to explore them.

That train of thought was reason enough to spark a little retribution in Lena, to make Kara feel similar to how she had been feeling the previous day. It was only fair that Kara received some, certainly after her choice of attire on Halloween. If Kara’s face was anything to go off as she came closer to Lena’s desk, the CEO had done her job spectacularly as always.

Though, it was hard to remain stoic when the puppy that was Kara Danvers was staring at her with wide eyes and a nervously gaping mouth, her smile long since forgotten. The blonde looked like a deer caught in the headlights, her bluer than blue eyes roaming Lena’s body while her tongue dipped out to wet dry lips.

In her victory, Lena decided to release Kara from her internal misery, and she walked around the desk, closing the gap between the reporter and herself, effectively blocking the view Kara had of her.

The second their bodies touched, she felt Kara’s heart beat beneath her skin, the powerful thud of her cardiac muscle sending every organ and nerve in her body into overdrive. She felt strong muscles tense beneath her hands as she pulled the blonde in for an embrace, which sent Lena’s mind spiralling back to her tangent of making Kara writhe beneath her, of making Kara an actual wanton mess. But perhaps that was just her dominant CEO facade talking, but what great fun that would be to explore in a possible future.

Lena realised too quickly how ahead of herself she was getting, and just how much she enjoyed it. Maybe that little bit of time would be harder than she thought.

Despite Lena’s guilty thoughts, and Kara’s stiff stricken behaviour, their lunch went relatively smoothly from then on. They had taken their usual camp on Lena’s couch, the containers of Chinese spread across the coffee table. Kara had brought enough food to feed a small family, and it still amazed Lena how much Kara could eat, and how little she gained, besides a hyperactive metabolism and personality.

It was towards the end of their lunch that Lena noticed Kara reverting back into her shell of nerves. She sat back comfortably on the couch, her legs tucked under her, her heels long since abandoned. She nudged Kara’s thigh lightly with her knee.

“You’re not going to puke up all those sweet pork bites are you?” Lena asked playfully, trying to diffuse Kara’s demeanour.

The blonde smiled softly, a tinge of pink coating her cheeks. “That would be a waste of good money, and of good food. _But_ , I was hoping I could borrow you again later this month?” Kara asked shyly.

Lena almost cooed at how shy Kara had become, and it almost completely slipped her mind that Kara’s birthday was coming up, _almost_. Lena had the forethought to finalise Kara’s gift over the weekend, as she knew the stores in National City didn’t stock such items, and finding the gift in particular would’ve taken far too long if she started now.

It was over one of their many lunches in the weeks before Halloween that Kara was recounting a fond memory the pair shared when they had visited a retro cafe when they were children. The cafe had a photo booth popularised with a multitude of modern effects and filters to choose from. The photo booth quickly became a favourite for the pair, and it became particularly sentimental and special.

When it was first brought into the cafe, Lena and Kara had taken time to scribe their names onto the wooden back of the machine, so that wherever it went, and whoever owned it, it would always be _their_ photo booth, it would always hold _their_ photo fails, and _their_ memories. Kara had expressed how much she enjoyed the memories she, Lena, and her biological family had shared at the cafe, and even admitted to having kept a stack of photo film’s the machine printed.

Lena later found out from questioning Alex before Halloween that Jeremiah had pre-planned, located, and intended to purchase the photo booth as a twenty-first birthday present for Kara, for which she could use during the celebration. The idea was to give Kara a piece of her past back, a piece which she had lost with her parents. Of course, that intention never became a reality, but it was a piece of information Lena didn’t forget.

After the helpful information Lena gathered from Kara’s friends and Alex, Lena spent hours each night for a few nights trying to locate the whereabouts of the photo booth. She had even phoned Eliza to see if she had any relevant information Jeremiah might have told her. Eventually, she found out it had been sold to a wealthy man who lived in upstate New York. She made sure to ask the man about any markings on the back which could confirm it was indeed _their_ photo booth.

A few days before Halloween, Lena had contacted the man again about selling the item. He eventually relented, after some persistent convincing from Lena about paying three times as much as he paid for it, aswell as receiving a generous donation from L-Corp towards his antique gallery.

The entire group of friends had an input in the purchasing. It was money well spent in Lena’s opinion, and the photo booth was safely secured and on it’s way to National City in the back of an L-Corp van. If Kara knew what her friends and Lena were up to, and what they had begun preparing for Kara’s birthday, she would certainly be much more nervous than she currently was. Instead, Lena played along with Kara, not wanting to give any indication of their preparations.

“Of course, Kara. I will always make time for you. What’s this about?” Lena asked, ever the actress, and a convincing one at that. Someone had to be, and it definitely wasn’t Alex, Winn, Lucy or anyone else, so the job fell to Lena.

“Well... I was thinking of organising a get together at the new bistro for my birthday dinner. I understand if you’re busy, but it would mean the world if you could come—“ Kara rambled before Lena stopped her with the raise of a perfectly manicured finger.

“It would be my pleasure, Kara” Lena said sincerely, earning an even bigger flush from Kara.

The blonde released a breath and nodded eagerly. “Good, that’s good. I’m glad.”

“Is there anything in-particular I can get you?” Lena asked, intending to continue her clueless character, but not at all prepared for Kara’s actual answer.

“Just you” Kara said in a beat, before stuttering some in attempts to correct herself. “Just— you know— I meant for _you_ to be there, is all” Kara explained, moving her hands animatedly as if it would help her train of thought. “You don’t need to get me anything, I’ll be more than happy for you just to be there with me. I just want you.”

Lena didn’t miss the way Kara’s gaze softened into something so sincere, and her eyes became bluer than the bluest waters on earth. It almost made Lena herself crumble, _almost_ , and Lena was suddenly very thankful that her time dealing with sexist and conceited business men had built up her self control.

Because with the way Kara looked at her, she almost didn’t want to wait even a minute longer, her resolve and plans be damned.

* * *

 

 

It was fast approaching one of Kara’s favourite celebrations of the year, her birthday. Not that she was self-conceited, her birthday celebrations just meant that she could see all the people she normally wouldn’t see on most other occasions, in an otherwise gloomy time of the year. But this year also marked something else important, it would be the first birthday in nine years that Kara would celebrate with Lena.

The year itself had marked and re-marked many firsts with Lena, and so many more things she had been deprived of for nine years, but this celebration was at the top of the list for Kara. If only it seemed to be that way for her friends and family.

Not a birthday went by where Kara was alone. Each birthday she had over the years, she had been showered in the love and presence of everyone she loved, sans Lena, Jeremiah, and obviously her birth parents. She had friends who made interstate trips each year just to see her, as she did for them, and she was always surrounded by amazing people each year, particularly after Jeremiah’s passing.

But at the same time this year, Kara couldn’t help but feel partly alone. Her closest friends were in National City, which should only make it seem _more_ likely they would attend her birthday. But upon asking them this year, she received a lot of unsure answers. Truth be told, Kara wasn’t sure if _anyone_ would show, even Alex.

She knew she should be grateful at least, millions of people around the globe had it worse than her, and millions had probably never even had a birthday before, let alone be able to afford one. Her trip to Kiribati was enough insight into the type of environment that children raised in poverty lived in, and Kiribati wasn’t even the worst of places.

It was more so the stray from normal which affected Kara. The fact that this might be the first birthday where she wasn’t surrounded by the people she loved was a concept she was unfamiliar with, but one she would need to adapt to. But Kara also knew that there was a lot of surprises this year, the biggest one being Lucy and James’s wedding.

It occurred to her that the year was just one of those years where everything was full on, and everyone was full on with it too. Either way, Kara would end up seeing everyone at the soon to be Olsen’s wedding, though it didn’t mean it raised her spirits about her friends attendance for her own birthday.

Unbeknownst to Kara though, Lena had been in touch with everyone Kara had invited to the bistro, and everyone had made a pact to keep quiet and inconspicuous about Kara’s surprise birthday. The group was overly cautious to make it one of the best birthday celebrations Kara would receive, since now the group was completely whole again thanks to Lena’s presence.

But even Lena seemed to be an odd beacon in Kara’s life in recent times. Something had changed even more between them, and Kara didn’t know if it was a good change or not. Nor did she know if kissing Lena the other week was the right thing to do. It wasn’t brought up in conversation at all, not even brushed upon.

It was as though Lena was completely ignoring what had happened, and Kara didn’t want to push her still. She assumed that her actions spoke for themselves that morning, but perhaps she assumed wrong. But since then, Kara had noticed a shift in their dynamic. Lena exuded a confidence that she hadn’t before, she exuded an assurance that was incredibly attractive.

She had that philosophical ‘glow’ about her that everyone spoke about, and that too was incredibly attractive, but at the same time it made Kara even more nervous. Perhaps her actions were enough for Lena to realise that she _didn’t_ infact feel the same way for Kara, and this was Lena’s way of kindly letting Kara know she wasn’t interested without completely bulldozing the relationship they had salvaged.

That, or maybe Lena still held a grudge, and was implementing a revenge ploy to seduce Kara, then leave her high and dry. That was the less likely scenario, but a scenario none the less. Kara blamed all the vindictive drama movies she had been watching lately, courtesy of Alex who had apparently been having her own troubles in paradise aswell.

Kara had tried on multiple occasions to get Alex to confide in her, much like she did in Alex, but Alex was always tight lipped. It had Kara worried about just how serious whatever was happening between Alex and Maggie was. But instead of being able to support Alex the way she wanted to, Kara was the middle man.

Her apartment had been offered to both Alex and Maggie for whenever they needed, no questions asked, and both girls had taken Kara up on her offer. It was a serious situation, but Kara didn’t have the answers to help the pair fix it.

Like Lena for Kara, Maggie had been a beacon in Alex’s life for so long, and even Kara couldn’t imagine a future without Maggie in it. She couldn’t even begin to imagine if Alex could imagine one, or how Alex must be feeling. Kara had an inkling of what was causing the separation between the couple, but she didn’t want to jump to conclusions. Presumably, it was worse than anything the pair had been through, as Alex hadn’t told anyone of what was happening, at least Kara thought she hadn’t.

But even in Alex’s misery, she still found the beauty in the small things like a true Danvers. So, Kara took it upon herself to invite her sister out to the park with her dogs to take her mind away from what was bothering her. And maybe also as a way to try and sneak some information from Alex.

_“Lexa!”_

_“Lexa!”_

“I swear to Christ, Kara” Alex groaned, shooting her sister an exhausted glare, “This is the _last_ time I’m walking with you and your dogs.”

Apparently the park wasn’t the greatest of ideas, as one problem was replaced with another. Kara chuckled humourlessly at her sister’s defeated state. In Alex’s defence, Kara’s dogs tended to act up the most around her, as though it was their sole mission to anger the elder Danvers, their aunt so to speak. The little brats succeeded every time, and Kara couldn’t help but find the humour in it.

Sometimes, Lexa and Schnitzel were so out of control that Alex accused Kara of hexing them to become the devil itself around her, or the hounds which guarded the gates of Hell. Alex no longer looked after the two dogs when Kara needed, not after their last visit at Alex’s apartment.

It was a few months prior to the convention L-Corp and Lord Technologies hosted, and Kara was tracking down some leads interstate for a story she had been privately investigating. Kara had dropped her dogs off as usual at Alex’s with her spare key, left a note and a bag of supplies her sister could use.

Mistakingly, Kara had forgot to lock the glass door to Alex’s small patio, resulting in the dogs breaking in, and terrorising Alex’s apartment, leaving a horrible surprise for their aunt. They chewed through the ottoman by the couch, the rug in the bathroom, the curtains in the bedroom, and multiple pairs of shoes. Such would not have been an issue if they had their chew toys which were in the supply bag on Alex’s bench.

It was a mistake which cost Kara her sister’s doggysitting services. Instead, Alex would venture to Kara’s apartment each night, where Lexa and Schnitzel eagerly awaited their food, and human contact. She would spend an or two with them so they weren’t alone, then would put them and their beds outside until the following night when she would return. It was about the only time they were manageable for Alex, when they needed their loving.

If by some chance Alex wasn’t completely overloaded at work, she would stay the night at Kara’s, so the dogs still had somewhat of their normal routine. But anything was better than taking them to a kennel.

“How do you expect to manage kids if you can’t manage my dogs?” Kara asked teasingly, trying to poke a reaction from her sister.

“Kids are different!” Alex defended with a passion. “And Lexa is a disobedient, little—“ Alex abruptly stopped when Kara raised her brow, just daring her sister to continue bagging her dogs. “She’s disobedient” Alex concluded, receiving a positive hum in return.

Kara’s cocky smirk appeared as she cleared her throat, then called in a commanding tone, “Lexa, heel.”

The hyperactive husky responded immediately, dropping to the ground by Kara’s feet, her cyan eyes beading up towards her master for approval and further instruction.

Alex scoffed aloud as Kara reached down to rub Lexa behind the ears, the dog’s tail wagging like a swimmer in distress. “See, she’s _obedient_. You’re probably not saying it right, or maybe she doesn’t like the way you talk about her, so she’s acting out like a rebellious teenager. Dogs have feelings too you know.”

“ _Please_ , Lexa is an ass kisser, _literally_. Look at her!” Alex exclaimed, her arm extending to where Lexa was sniffing around Schnitzel’s behind. “No wonder her breath is always shitty” Alex mumbled, too busy sulking to see a familiar figure approaching.

Kara on the other hand had noticed the person immediately, along with the beast of a dog beside her. “Wait a minute— that’s Sam” Kara cheered, shaking Alex by her shoulders. This gained an immediate response from her sister.

Alex’s head whipped up in an instant, and she smiled warmly at the approaching brunette. “Danvers’ sisters in the flesh once again” Sam commented slyly, “Oh and thankyou for the invite, Kara. I meant to get back to you sooner but I guess I can now.”

“Invite?” Alex asked, looking between Kara and Sam with confusion, apparently not up to date with Sam’s attendance.

Kara watched an exchange between her sister and Sam, both sharing looks which apparently they both understood, but Kara couldn’t decipher. She furrowed her brows, about to question both girls until Sam spoke up confidently.

“Yeah, the _invite_. Kara’s invited me to the bistro to have dinner with you guys” Sam nodded, seemingly forced as though she was hiding something.

Alex responded back with as much gusto, the entire exchange painful for Kara to watch. “ _Oh_ right, of course! Busy week at work, my brain is like pudding on my days off.”

Kara caught Sam’s gaze, and as quickly as contact was made, it was lost. “Right, well, I best be off now. I wouldn’t want to intrude anymore than I probably already have” Sam babbled, already trying to sneak away.

“Nonsense!” Alex assured, and Kara became even more uncomfortable, witnessing their interaction like a silent spectator watching a tennis ralley.

Sam’s smile was too large and trivial to believe as she scooted back some more, pulling her own dog further away. “You’re too kind, but I really should get going. Good to see you both and thanks again, Kara!” Sam hollered before practically sprinting off.

Kara spoke up for the first time in what felt like centuries. “No worries, see you” she called after the fading brunette, receiving a wave of recognition. Kara then turned to Alex who had gone uncharacteristically quiet, staring after Sam almost longingly. “That was really weird. _You_ were really weird.”

“I was not” Alex scoffed, unconvincingly, shaking herself free of the awkward tension.

Kara began speculating all sorts of reasons for the awkward interaction, thankfully for Alex, none were even remotely close to the truth. “Do you think she doesn’t want to come? Is it weird I asked her?” Kara fretted.

“Not at all” Alex assured, convincingly this time.

Kara continued to press the matter, her small frown lines appearing between her blue orbs. “Are you sure? I mean, that really was weird. What if I—“

Alex interrupted her sister, gripping Kara’s arm reassuringly. “Kara, I _promise_ you it’s not weird. If Sam didn’t want to come, she wouldn’t. Besides, Sam is important to Lena, and she knows Lena is important to you. We all love Sam aswell, she’s part of our superfriends family, so there really is no reason for you to worry.”

Kara rolled her eyes at her sister in displeasure. “You and Winn _really_ need to stop saying that.”

“ _What?_ ” Alex asked, looking affronted.

“ _Superfriends_ ” Kara specified, as if it were obvious. “You make it seem like we’re a group of badass vigilante’s.”

Alex chuckled some, then began wiping furiously at her face to remove the stray hairs which had been blown into her mouth by the chill November breeze. “Well, technically we are” she said after composing herself, “I have my confidential skills which I won’t disclose for confidentiality reasons, you have your reporting skills, Maggie has her detective skills, Winn has his brains, Sam and Lucy have their lawyering skills, Mike and Imra... they’re just the attractive and approachable pair of the superfriends, and Lena is the big bad king pin.”

Kara gaped in shock at her sister’s reference to Lena. Over the years of watching Lena, the woman had been referred to as many things; medical Messiah, human rights activist, cutthroat CEO, Stephen Hawking of the twenty-first century, even the plain and simple _bitch_. Never though had she heard Lena be referenced as a ‘king pin’.

Thinking about it though, and considering Lena’s ancestry line, Lena could quite possibly have some kind of familial connection or heritage to the Irish Mafia, but nothing in recent generations Kara thought.

“She is _not_ a king pin, and you’re full of shit” Kara defended, then leaned in to whisper quietly in her sister’s ear, “I told you to use those tablets I left on the bench.”

Understanding Kara’s reference to a certain coffee induced ceasing of the bowel movements, Alex swatted Kara’s arm, earning a shriek in response. “ _Never_ again, we agreed” she warned. Kara would be lying if she said her sister didn’t frighten her slightly when she went full commander.

“I know, know, cross my heart and sew my lips” Kara surrendered, her gestures imitating her words.

The pair continued to walk through National City’s Park, enjoying the serenity before them. The park was much less clustered than usual, the families with children too young to be in school, and business workers on lunch break had all retired elsewhere due to the November cold front.

There was a lot less people, and a lot less noise, apart from the whistling of the wind, and the scattering of golden and red leaves whirling by their feet and in the air. Her plan to trick Alex into information hadn’t succeeded as well as she hoped, so Kara stuck to admiring her surroundings. She was enjoying the silence with her sister and her dogs, until she was brought back to reality by Alex’s ear piercing squeal.

_“Oh my— Lexa!!”_

Kara glared at her sister, mustering up the darkest look she could conjure, which proved to be quite the challenge. Usually when Kara gave her friends or family the evil eye, they would pet her head and tell her she looked even more like a puppy than she did naturally, reminding her that ‘dark kara’ would never exist no matter how hard she tried.

But Alex knew better than to pet her fuming sister, and instead motioned to where Lexa was back with her snout in Schnitzels behind. “Kara, your dog is broken. Maybe I should get you a new one for your birthday” Alex commented off-handedly.

Kara shook her head. Perhaps she could get a new sister for her birthday, of course she didn’t voice those fleeting opinions. “Alex, it really isn’t that bad and I’m perfectly happy with just Lexa and Schnitzel here. They are my _babies._ ”

Alex rolled her eyes and shoved Kara playfully, choosing not to respond in favour of Kara’s word choice. Kara noticed. “You are coming though, right?” Kara asked, changing the topic.

“Of course, Kara. Have I _ever_ missed a birthday?” Alex asked incredulously, looking at Kara as though she were a clone.

Kara nodded, pulling her wind jacket tighter around herself as the breeze picked up. “Touché. The crowd might be a little small this year though.”

Alex noticed Kara’s dip in morale, and gave Kara a sympathetic look. “What do you mean? Is Lena not coming?” Alex asked, well aware of the plans the group had made, but still not wanting Kara to think her family had forgotten her.

Out of everyone, Alex was the most apprehensive about Kara’s surprise party. Not the surprise itself, but the way the group went about it. They had essentially left Kara believing that they couldn’t make it, leaving Kara alone on her birthday.

Alex also remembered the promise everyone had made to Kara after her parents, that Kara would never have to spend a birthday or thanksgiving alone ever again. Even though Kara didn’t walk around sulking about her parents, Alex knew that it still haunted her each day, and even more so during November.

Letting Kara think she would be alone was the last thing Alex wanted for her sister.

Kara let out a sigh, her warm breath steaming the cold air. “No, she is, she’s the only one who can make it besides you and Maggie, and now of course Sam. At least, I _think_ she can make it. I’m not sure, things have been... different lately” Kara responded, downcast, missing the way Alex flinched at the mentioned of Maggie.

Alex pulled Kara into a side hug, squeezing her arm tightly. “I’m sorry, Kara. Maybe it’s just one of those years where everyone is busy” Alex suggested hopefully. “Don’t forget, Lucy and James have their wedding to plan, and Winn is their best man. You know how much Winn idolised Mike aswell, so there’s no doubt Mike would be in on helping Winn. Thanksgiving is around the corner too.”

“So it wasn’t just _my_ pants Winn was trying to get into back in the day” Kara quipped, turning serious again once Alex gave her an unimpressed look. Kara groaned, stopping to sit on a wooden bench. “I know, I know. God, I feel so selfish and ungrateful.”

Alex sat beside her sister, prying Kara’s hands away from her face, then instructing Kara’s dogs to sit off the pathway. Alex rubbed small circles on Kara’s back, prompting her to continue. “It’s just, I’m so used to being surrounded by everyone I care about on my birthday and I figured that with Lena back in my life, it would be one more person, you know? But now I don’t even think she can make it.”

“I’m sure she can. Sam just confirmed, that has to mean something” Alex said reassuringly.

“I know, and it does” Kara mumbled with a flat affect.

Alex pulled back, observing Kara’s slouched posture and depressive mood. It wasn’t uncharacteristic of Kara to have low mood swings around her birthday. It’s something she would always have, whether she realised it or not. But Alex knew her sister, and all her moody quirks, and she knew when something _was_ uncharacteristic.

“What’s going on?” Alex asked seriously. “You’re acting off each time I mention ‘Lena’, like her name is poison. I thought you guys were going great, from what I’ve observed, and from a few of your more than vocal dreams, you seem to be going great. Do you not want her to come?”

Kara groaned at her sister. She had come to the park to analyse Alex’s behaviour, to try and help her sister, not have it the other way around. “Firstly, that’s disgusting. Secondly, you’re never crashing at mine again if you repeat anything you just said, and thirdly, of course I want her to come— Shut your face” Kara warned the second she saw Alex’s lips quirk up at her inadvertent innuendo.

“I didn’t say anything!” Alex cried, raising her hands. “So what is it then?” She asked, more seriously.

Kara shook her head, then began playing with her fingers. “I wish I knew, Al. We’re circling around and around in the exact same spot and there’s no progress being made.”

“Weren’t things okay on Halloween?” Alex pried.

“ _I_ thought they were. But that was a week ago, and I’m trying so hard not to push her or expect anything from her” Kara confessed passionately. “I want her to make that choice for herself, and I might have messed it up and—“

Alex interrupted Kara’s downward spiral. “You can’t keep hoping it will happen when you’ve just been dormant together. What is it _exactly_ you’ve done, Kara? A grand gesture? Because so far, I don’t see one” Alex stated pointedly.

Kara rubbed her eyes in frustration. “I _hoped_ Lena would be ready, okay. I convinced myself she would be, but I reiterate, it’s been weeks. Weeks since game night, and over a week since Halloween.”

Alex sighed, reaching for Kara’s hand to offer some comfort. “Is there anything I can do? Talk to Sam? Or even Lena maybe?” She offered.

“No, it’s just—“ Kara stopped, swallowing her words, “I just feel as though there is this expanding crater of space between us and she’s not letting me fix it the longer she doubts herself” Kara confessed softly.

“Have you tried, maybe, I dont know...“ Alex raised her hands in thought, only to be interrupted by Kara, catching the attention of nearby walkers.

“Yes I’ve tried! I’ve tried _everything!_ ” Kara snapped before noticing a group of elder people walk by. She waited until the group had passed before continuing her outburst. “I’ve been suggestive, I’ve been forward with being _too_ forward, I kissed her even, but it’s just not the same anymore and I feel like she’s pushing me away” Kara emphasised, chopping her left palm with her right hand on emphasis at each point.

“You kissed her cheek, Kara” Alex pointed out casually. “Maybe she thought that _you_ were holding back because _you_ weren’t ready. Or maybe she thought your coordination was off, and you meant to kiss her further away from where she _wanted you to kiss her_ ” Alex emphasised condescendingly.

Kara huffed in her seat. “Oh I am ready, am I _so_ ready.”

“Really?” Alex sniggered at her sister’s bravado filled tone. “You’ve both been through a lot and maybe she just needs a little more time.”

“I know that... but I just... I’m not a watch, Alex” Kara stressed comically, her eyes as wide as saucers.

Alex hid a laugh behind her hand. “You really do like her” She teased.

“It always was her...” Kara said honestly, catching Alex off guard.

“Just _show_ her” Alex pushed. “Maybe she’s been waiting for you to make the move these past weeks because she’s scared you’ll block her out like last time if she’s the one to do it.”

“She _knows_ it’s not like last time!” Kara defended.

“Does she?” Alex asked. “Show her, Kara, I mean it. If you mean what you just told me, then show her” Alex urged, nudging Kara almost hard enough off the seat.

“ _Fine_ ” Kara pushed back.

“ _Okay_ ” Alex quipped with just as much sass.

Without thinking, Kara blurted the first thing that came to her mind, determined to uncover what was really happening between her sister and Maggie now that Alex’s defences has dropped. “Where’s Maggie?”

Alex shifted awkwardly in her seat, as if trying to avoid the question like she was avoiding Kara. “Okay. You are going to tell me what’s going on right _now_ ” Kara said seriously, leaving no room for questioning.

“It’s _nothing_ , Kara” Alex grunted under her breath.

Kara sat upright, giving her sister another evil eye. “It’s not _nothing_. Don’t you _dare_ lie to me, Alex. I’ve had you sleep on my couch, and Maggie sleep on my couch on alternating nights. I haven’t seen Maggie in days now, and I know she’s not sleeping back at yours. _Spill the beans_ ” Kara said in a threatening tone.

After a heated glare off, Alex eventually relented, not without the dramatics. “Maggie is staying at a friend’s house” Alex groaned through a deep and throaty sigh. “We haven’t exactly been going steady for a while now.”

Kara’s face morphed into confusion, then into pain as Alex spoke. “Al—“

“I don’t think she wants kids, Kara” Alex admitted, her voice breaking some. “We must have gone fifteen rounds over it since Halloween alone, but Maggie doesn’t want kids” Alex sobbed, and Kara pulled her sister into her chest in comfort, aswell as to save Alex the embarrassment of on lookers.

Lexa and Schnitzel too sensed Alex’s discomfort, and Kara reached down to pick Schnitzel up, placing him on Alex’s lap while Lexa sat up on her hind legs.

Alex was slightly comforted by Kara and her fluffy companions, stroking Schnitzel’s lengthy body. “I love her, Kara, I love her so much, but I want kids. And I don’t know if I’m willing to sacrifice myself for her, not this time” Alex whispered, her eyes tearing up.

Kara wiped away Alex’s fallen tears with her thumbs, and let Alex rest her head against her shoulder. “What are you going to do?” Kara asked.

“I’m not” Alex responded through a sniffle. “I’m impulsive, it’s in my blood. But this time I’m not doing anything. Maggie know’s what _I_ want, and _I_ know what I want. I told her to figure out what _she_ wants, what she really wants. I told her that until then, I don’t think we should see each other. I told her not to come back until she knew” Alex sobbed even harder, and Kara wished she had never even pried into Alex’s life. The situation was far worse than she ever expected.

Few people had begun to notice as they walked past, and Kara could only pull her sister closer to block her from view. “I can’t put a hold on my life for her. I can’t sacrifice my dreams and my hopes for her, not this time. This means too damn much, and she’s either with me, or she’s not. There’s no in between” Alex continued, sobbing into Kara’s neck.

Kara began stroking the back of Alex’s neck, completely unsure of what she could do to soothe her sister. “I wish that I could do something more than tell you I’m sorry” Kara said, her own voice breaking.

“You can” Alex responded, opening her arms fully.

Kara cooed at her sister before pulling her into a deep embrace, trapping Schnitzel’s furry, warm body between them. After a few moments in each other’s arms, Kara felt the vibrations of Alex’s muffled speech.

“I don’t know what you’re saying” Kara said, heartedly.

Alex pulled away so Kara could both see and hear her. “I said, maybe your dogs aren’t so bad. Especially not this little fire place” Alex gestures to Schnitzel’s shuffling body on her lap.

Kara raised her brows at her sister. “So I have a disobedient little shit, and a fire place for dogs?”

Alex smiled innocently at her sister, lifting Schnitzel up as a bodily shield to protect her from Kara’s playful glare. Lexa yapped below them, wanting to be included in the fun, and Kara found herself glad that even when she was sometimes unsure about her friends, she could always be sure about Alex.

* * *

 

 

After all was said and done, Lena was thankful she could successfully add ‘surprise birthday event planner’ to her resumé. She also understood just how hard it was to organise a surprise party, and make sure it stayed a _surprise_.

It was obvious that Kara had done the majority of the work for Sam’s surprise baby shower, as Kara’s friends hadn’t contributed even half of what Lena had done for Kara’s party. But, Lena _had_ been the one to take the bull by the horns, and she ended up changing most things her friends contributed for the celebration, she was extremely knit-picky.

It was tough work on top of her existing CEO load of work, but eventually it had all fallen into place, and Lena was happy that the day had finally come for Kara’s birthday. It was no secret that Kara was more than upset about the fact her friends had been giving her mixed answers about her dinner at the bistro. Lena just hoped the hard work would pay off, and when Kara saw that her friends hadn’t abandoned her, she would be back to her sprightly self.

Lena knew how important family and friends were to Kara, particularly around her birthday and thanksgiving, so it was definitely a load off her shoulders when she could relax about not hiding anything from Kara. But even then, Kara’s under the weather mood seemed to stem from another reason altogether, and Lena was sure she knew that reason too.

But when Kara would receive her gift, to which Lena had gone to so much trouble acquiring, she hoped that would quell Kara’s mind, and let Kara know Lena was just as serious about Kara as Kara was about her.

It was just a half-hearted, put together plan at all. Lena had the night planned to a tee, and there was absolutely nothing she hadn’t considered when planning the surprise for Kara, and soon, Kara would see that too. That ‘right moment’ Lena had been waiting for was a gift horse staring her directly in the face, presented to her as Kara’s birthday celebration.

All that was left was to complete the plan was to move the photo booth from the L-Corp supply dock into the bar for celebratory use, and Alex getting Kara to the bar without too much speculation. The supply dock was about the only place Lena could hide Kara’s gift without drawing the unwanted attention from employee’s or Kara herself. Lena had also taken the liberty of phoning the bistro to cancel Kara’s own reservation, explaining that they had different plans and would no longer be celebrating there.

Thankfully, the bistro too kept quiet about the celebration, and Lena was left setting the final few decorations around the decked out bar, to which she had hired out for the night, eagerly counting down the seconds and awaiting a text from Alex to signal their leaving and arrival.

The owner of _The Bar_ , M’gann had been kind as to help cater for the event, allowing Lena to have the place completely made over to their liking and their needs. A large stage was step up in the corner of the bar, similar to the one on Halloween, and Lena had hired out an alternative cover band to play music for the beginning of the night, giving them a list of Kara’s favourite artists and bands.

Lena had even bought a bar tab aswell which would hopefully last the large group of people through the night. As more atendees arrived, some Lena knew, but most whom she didn’t, more faces were lit up in surprise. Alex had informed her that she had contacted a range of Kara’s friends from Midvale and NCU, aswell as work associates to join in on the occasion.

Many people had wondered why Lena had gone to all the effort she had to organise such an event, as any minor celebration would have been good enough. Especially for Kara, it wasn’t about the materialistic side of things, it was about the familial side, even if that meant a celebration in the sewers. Kara just wanted her friends and family, nothing more.

But when people asked, Lena couldn’t give them answer. She couldn’t even explain it to herself, let alone anyone else. All she knew was that while part of her felt as though she owed Kara for all their lost years, she _wanted_ to this for Kara for a much deeper reason. As if by showing Kara what she had done would replace the words she had been struggling to say, as if her actions would convey it all.

She wanted this night for Kara as much as Kara just wanted her friends, and she could give Kara both. Kara was worth it.

When the last few people trickled inside the bar to help with the remaining decorations, the atmosphere was full of a static excitement. It was a larger turn out than Lena had previously imagined, but all of that was wiped from her mind when her phone vibrated, signalling the beginning of the final stage of the plan.

* * *

Contrary to her previous beliefs, her birthday this year was turning out more annoying than lonely. Kara had spent two days shopping in store and online for the perfect dress to wear to the bistro, stressing herself into the ground about what would be considered as ‘too fancy’, or ‘too casual’.

All of her quarrels were squashed however, when Alex barged into Kara’s apartment four hours before their reservation, a plastic sleeve over her arm, sunglasses covering her eyes, and Lyra following closely behind, looking as though Alex had bullied her into coming. It was very _‘The Devil Wears Prada’._

Alex’s no-nonsense attitude was enough to let Kara know she didn’t really have a say in whatever her sister had planned, so she allowed Alex to do as she pleased. It felt good to be looked after though, and the nostalgia of having her sister pick her dress, her makeup and her hair took Kara right back to her sophomore and senior homecoming’s.

It was also the first time Kara got to see Lyra in her place of employment. The woman was very talented with a makeup brush, and certainly knew her way around a curling iron. More than half of the utensils and product Lyra used Kara had never even heard of before. She was sure Lyra had coated her face with five different types of foundation alone, all with their little unique name and role.

She was tempted to ask Lyra why she needed that many items for one thing, or if she could even remember all their names and uses, but thought it might come off as insulting her profession. Instead, she nodded along while Lyra explained the procedure, acting as though she knew exactly what the woman was talking about. Occasionally she would throw in a surprised hum or a any vocal recognition, just to make it seem as though she wasn’t staring off in to space.

A few times Alex had shot Kara a smirk, or a bewildered look, letting Kara know she wasn’t the only person mind boggled. Other times she pulled faces in effort to make Kara giggle when Kara absolutely _had_ to stay still. What was more concerning though, was how Lyra’s tiny frame managed to cart around all the equipment she did. It must have been close to the weight Kara benched at the gym.

However, after seeing the end result, there wasn’t much left to question. By the time Kara’s hair and makeup were done, she almost didn’t recognise herself. The tan Alex had forced Kara to get the previous day only accentuated the crimson colour of her lipstick, and her warm, smokey eye makeup.

Her bleached hair was curled, then brushed out into light waves, some of it pulled back into a low pony, leaving many free flowing pieces to frame her face. Kara wished she had known Lyra years ago with the way the quiet girl worked around her, she was the definition of an artist, and Kara her canvas.

While Lyra was touching up the final bits of Kara’s hair and face, spraying a setting spray for both the hair and makeup, Alex was pulling a candy shaded cocktail dress from a plastic sleeve. The colour was lively and was sure to pin Kara as the most gaze gravitating person at the bistro. It was a slightly brighter shade than her lipstick, but also suited her tan and makeup exceptionally well.

The intricate designs and threading of the cocktail dress looked to resemble the work of designer Marc Jacobs, and Kara wondered how Alex managed to obtain such a dress. Her favourite part of the dress was the bow like feature on the front, which would definitely be considered as ‘too fancy’. But she could blame that on Alex if need be.

Alex had definitely out done herself yet again with Kara’s celebration attire, and Kara was every bit thankful. Alex had gotten herself ready in no amount of time, and before Kara knew it, the three girls were all in Alex’s car heading into the heart of the city.

Where Kara expected Alex to stop, as per the google directions to the bistro, Alex had kept driving casually.

“Did you _intentionally_ miss the turn to make us even later than we already are?” Kara scolded.

Alex smiled sweetly at her sister in the passenger seat. “Of course not, _dear_ sister of mine. I’m making a quick stop to pick up Winn. He’s stranded at the bar.”

Kara nodded along, finding nothing suspicious about it, because it was _exactly_ something Winn would do. But it didn’t mean she couldn’t scold him later for being so clueless, and not having the forethought to hitch a ride to the bistro earlier so they weren’t all late.

Alex pulled up alongside the curb, and gestured for Kara to walk beside her, stating that there were a few people in the bar who had asked to wish Kara well on her birthday. Lyra followed again close behind the taller girls, all three pairs of heels clacking against the concrete like suburban house wives.

Oddly, the noise from inside the bar was absent, Kara noticed, as was the slither of light underneath the door frame. Usually on weekends, the bar was packed, and the noise could be heard from halfway down the alleyway, even as far as the street on particularly busy nights.

Kara shot Alex a questioning glance, but Alex paid no mind to it, calling through the little peep hole on the door to the bouncer on shift. The bouncer’s familiar face settled Kara some, but she couldn’t help but feel the gears turning in her mind.

The hallway was dark, and her distant surroundings were completely void of any light source. It was silent enough that Kara could hear the pounding of her own heart. She knew what was coming before it came, and she braced for impact, gripping Alex’s hand and turning into her sister’s shoulder.

A massive uproar sounded from every direction, flooding Kara’s senses all at once.

_“Surprise Kara!”_

Her ears were ringing like a clock tower, and her eyes slowly adjusted to the sudden light around her. She could feel the weight of Alex’s arm around her shoulder, and through spotted vision, she registered the familiar faces of all her friends, crowded in a semi circle in the centre of the bar. And then, she saw _her_.

Out of the crowd of people, Kara’s eyes locked onto green ones, gleaming underneath the light, and a large smile pulled to those full crimson lips. Her feet began walking without instruction, straight towards the owner of those mesmerising eyes in amongst the sea of people, and Lena stepped forward to meet Kara.

A series of coo’s and “oohs” sounded from their closest friends as the two girls collided intimately close together, and Lena whispered softly into Kara’s ear.

“Happy birthday, Kara. You look beautiful”.

Kara pulled away, enough so she was only mere inches away from Lena’s face. She looked into those kryptonite eyes once again, the smell of Lena gravitating and intoxicating, like an animal in heat, instinctually begging Kara to do the one thing she’d been waiting nine years for.

The only thing preventing her was James’s strong arms wrapping around her middle, lifting her from the ground and simultaneously pulling a bellowing laughter from deep within her stomach. Just like that, the tension between Lena and Kara was snapped, like a thin coil giving into a loaded weight.

Kara was whisked away from Lena and thrown into the sea of people wishing to embrace her and wish her birthday wishes. Across the mass of people, Kara caught Lena staring after her on more than one occasion, but all she could do was smile and hope that she wouldn’t be kept from Lena too long.

She was pulled around the bar, reuniting with friends she hadn’t seen in months, and friends she hadn’t seen in much longer. Drink upon drink was handed to Kara, replacing the finished one in her hand, leaving her in a constant mellow and tipsy state. Eventually, she was pulled onto the dance floor in birthday tradition by none other than her Flashmob dancing partner, Barry Allen.

The taller man was grinning from ear to ear, twirling Kara around while they danced to the band that played softly on the stage. As much as Kara found Barry charming, and as much as he always smelled fantastic and could move like a million dollar man, there was only one person Kara wanted to be dancing with, and she was currently occupied with none other than Alex Danvers.

Lena must have sensed Kara’s eyes on her, as she turned to wink in Kara’s direction, sending Kara’s heart into a frenzy of flutters. She debated having a cardiac workup considering how many times her heart palpitated around Lena, there was a point where all reactions become abnormal, and Kara was miles past the normal.

Her wishes were answered eventually though. After what seemed like another nine years away from Lena, the band concluded their set, and Lena took to the stage in all her glory, a single spot light reigning down on her porcelain skin, tempting Kara to reach out and run her fingers down Lena’s body.

A few cheers sounded from Alex, Sam, and a few others Lena had clearly become acquainted with over the night. She smiled nervously down at her supporters, her intense gaze finally stopping on Kara.

She cleared her throat into the microphone and took a swig of her champagne, chuckling nervously before beginning her well rehearsed speech.

“I think we can all agree that the birthday girl looks absolutely incredible tonight” Lena gestured towards Kara, her words slurring slightly from the liquid courage.

A few hoots and hollers sounded, including a loud wolf whistle from Arthur who was situated at the back of the room, towering over everyone around him. “And I hope we didn’t scar you for life with that surprise earlier”. Lena waited for silence as a few more laughs echoed around the room.

“But to Kara, one of the most special, kind hearted, and compassionate people I know. All of this would not be possible without the help of everyone in attendance tonight, and although we made you question it in preparation, there is not a single person here who doesn’t respect and admire you. Cheers to you” Lena raised her flute in toast, and many glasses around the room followed in succession. “You are amazing Kara Danvers, and we have a gift which will hopefully show you just how much we mean that. Mike and James, if you please.”

The sound of doors squeaking from the back of the room caused every head to turn and stare, as Mike and James carefully manoeuvered a large wrapped package on a transport trolley into the room.

The crowd of people parted, creating a pathway for the men to push the parcel towards Kara. When Kara looked back at Lena with question in her eyes, Lena only smiled at her, revealing nothing about the wrapped gift.

She approached the parcel as one would approach a timid animal, slowly, methodically, and surely, taking short steps with laser focused eyes.

“For God sakes, Kara, it won’t bite you” Alex snarked from beside Winn.

Kara shot her sister a glare before coming face to face with the large parcel, which looked to be even larger than her apartment shower cubicle. She began ripping the paper away eagerly, slowly revealing the item hidden underneath.

She thought she had gone crazy, she thought she must be seeing things. How could Lena possibly remember? How could Lena possibly have found and brought back _their_ booth? Kara circled the back of the revealed booth, checking for sure in case she really had gone insane.

But there on the wood, on the back of the booth were the carved initials of one Lena Luthor, and Kara Danvers. Kara felt the tears welling in her eyes, and they fell before she even had a chance to stop them. Lena wasn’t fairing much better, as she was dabbing at her eyes with a tissue.

To almost everyone at the party, it was just a simple photo booth, used for entertainment. But very few people knew the raw meaning and value of the gift for Kara. Very few people knew of it’s importance, and it’s place within Kara’s childhood, and her heart.

Lena hadn’t just given Kara a birthday gift, she had given Kara a memory, a piece of her past. She had returned a long lost artefact of Kara’s life which opened a doorway to numerous memories that Kara didn’t even recall she had anymore, she had given Kara back a piece of her parents, and Jeremiah.

There weren’t the words to explain what Kara was thinking. There weren’t the feelings to explain how she felt. It was insurmountable, catatonic really, and all Kara could do was gaze up at Lena with all the love in the world, and ask herself how she became so lucky, ask herself if this was what love felt like.

* * *

Seeing Kara in her prime, and meeting the people Kara had befriended over the years left Lena slightly jealous that she hadn’t been a part of it. Kara was like a magnet that attracted the most positive and spontaneous people, all representative of Kara’s own personality.

Alex had taken the liberty of introducing Lena to most people in Kara’s absence, and to say she was jealous was an understatement. While Lena had her own memories to look upon, reminisce and share with Kara’s friends, they had their individual stories they shared aswell. All of them consisted of major milestones in Kara’s life, milestones that every best friend should be a part of, milestones that Lena missed out on.

Lena knew she had missed a large portion of Kara’s life, a portion filled with monumental change, some of which she had been informed of along the way, but she never really considered all the smaller changes. Changes such as Kara’s transition into a new school in Midvale, then her moving away from home and her transition into university, her aspirations and what she wanted out of her career.

Even her experience working under media mogul Cat Grant, and Lucas Carr. So many milestones and events which happened in Kara’s life, shaping her into the person Lena was currently admiring from afar, and she hadn’t been a part of it. If it was any consolation though, Kara couldn’t have picked any people better than she had to share those experiences with.

Not that Lena had a habit of judging people, and picking or choosing favourites, but her favourite group of people by far were Kara’s fellow Flashmob performers, and Kara’s university friends. They were confident, sprightly and lively much like Kara, and they shared all the same quirks. Lena could relate to many of the Flashmob performers, having her own experience in theatre and performing.

Although she thought some of them had alterior motives, such as the taller man Kara was dancing with, they were genuinely confident and intriguing people, and Lena _always_ admired confidence on a person. If they exuded confidence, then they were already in Lena’s good book because confidence was attractive, not arrogance or cockiness, but confidence.

Quite the opposite were Kara’s university friends, as they weren’t as ebullient as her performer friends. They were more reserved, but knew a fair amount about politics and business, and Lena _loved_ a friendly political spar. She was particularly impressed with a talkative woman, Felicity, who certainly seemed quite the tech guru. Lena was debating whether to offer Felicity a position at L-Corp until Felicity mentioned she worked for Oliver Queen in Queen Industries.

It was fair to say that Lena hadn’t been lying when she said there wasn’t a single person who didn’t respect or admire Kara, the people she had met were proof of that. She could even see it in the way Kara gracefully glided across the room, easing into conversation with just about everyone she came into contact with.

She saw the happiness completely enrapture the people she approached, their smiles becoming even bigger than when they were alone. She saw how easy it was for them to fall into animated conversation that ricocheted back and fourth, back and fourth. It wasn’t just family or close friends supporting Kara, it was an entire community of people, and Lena was disappointed that for so long, rather than being _part_ of that community, she was instead _apart_ from it. But at the same time she wasn’t disappointed.

The existential part of Lena liked to believe that everything happened for a reason. Who knows, if their friendship hadn’t ended that day over nine years ago, it may have ended years later, and the pair may have never been able to rekindle their relationship. Or, they could have remained platonic friends, something Lena couldn’t fake even if she wanted to.

No matter how much she wished the past could be changed or retrieved, Lena was happy where she was, and she certainly wouldn’t change that. Happiness was a hard thing to come by in the world, and sometimes it had to be taken. Sometimes people had to get up and do something about it, rather than wait for happiness to fall into their laps.

Sometimes happiness was subjective, sometimes it was cruel, and sometimes it was found in the darkest of places, Lex was past proof of that. Thankfully for Lena, it didn’t take terminal cancer on either party for her to realise that her happiness was across the room, laughing and being twirled around the dance floor.

But Kara never really needed her. Even though she had missed Kara, and Kara had missed her, Kara always had her community of people behind her, and Kara always had her happiness without Lena. Kara had grown even more resilient and stronger over the years, and she resembled exactly the kind of woman that the pair used to dream of becoming, as did Lena herself. It was a beautiful thing for Lena to finally witness.

As was the sight before, Kara herself striding towards Lena in the most enticing dress Lena had ever laid eyes upon. It was only human to stare at something so exquisite, Lena had even caught some of the men and women staring at Kara. Not in any vein or predatory way at all, but just staring and admiring.

The birthday girl slumped next to Lena in the booth, completely invading Lena’s personally space, but Lena wasn’t about to complain. Kara was smiling at Lena like she always did, with that special smile that was reserved for her and _only_ her. It was overwhelming and incredibly distracting, and Lena blamed her upcoming choice of words on exactly that.

“So, Barry seems to like you” She blurted, swirling the golden contents in her flute around.

Kara cocked her head to the side, her grin becoming more playful. “Yeah, he’s a friendly guy.”

“I mean, he seems to _like_ you” Lena emphasised, hoping her undertone was not missed.

Kara pulled back some, her mouth dropping in a feigned shock. “Lena Luthor, are you _jealous?_ ” She questioned, in a pitch higher than usual.

Lena’s only response was to stare at Kara wordlessly, blinking like a mute while her fuzzy brain scrambled to form some kind of coherent sentence through the alcohol induced haze.

“I mean I’m flattered really” Kara continued, clutching her chest. “But Barry is already off the market. Look” Kara pointed off to the man she was dancing with earlier, his arms wrapped around the waist of a darker skinned girl in a heated lip lock.

Lena sniggered, relieved that she wouldn’t have to duel and demolish someone for Kara’s affection. Then Kara leaned in even closer, her perfume flooding Lena’s senses, and her hot breath tickling against Lena’s ear.

“Besides, he’s not the one I want anyway” Kara whispered hotly, pulling a shiver and a barely audible whimper from deep within Lena.

And just like that, Kara was whisked away yet again, leaving Lena sitting on the edge of her seat in disappointed anticipation, with an insatiable hunger while Kara’s words played on a steady repeat in her mind.

_He’s not the one I want anyway._

_He’s not the one I want anyway._

_He’s not the one I want anyway_.

The sensations building between Lena’s legs were only amplified at Kara’s words, because there was only one possible meaning behind those words, and Lena knew exactly what it was. Like a game of cat and mouse, it was Kara’s turn to play with Lena, and it was working.

Her body shivered again, not from desire, but from the absence of Kara’s warmth, and Lena slumped back into her booth, tipping the rest of her drink back, hoping the alcohol would flush her body and rid her of the cold.

She watched Kara from afar again, dancing to the sound of the bass, the band packed up and replaced by a few large speakers. It was pushing closer to midnight, and the celebration had turned from reserved and casual to rowdy and hedonistic.

A few scented vapour machines were placed in the corners of the dance floor, giving the ultimate night club ambiance, and some lighting machines were placed strategically by the dance floor, courtesy of Winn. The atmosphere was electric, and Lena was content to relax in her booth, her heels discarded and her newly ordered mimosa as company, until Alex came sliding into her personal space much like Kara did earlier.

“Enjoying the party?” Alex slurred, the alcohol evident on her breath.

“Apparently not as much as you” Lena quipped back, smirking. “I don’t really get a lot of down time to rave much anymore, so it’s a bit of a sensory overload.”

“Well that’s just unacceptable!” Alex gasped. “You should be out there tearing up the floor, and tearing up a certain somebody if you know what I mean” Alex said slyly, trying her best to subtly wink in her drunken state.

Lena chose to overlook the elder Danvers’ drunken antics. “I’m pretty sure that _‘Drunken CEO spews over side walk and abuses pedestrians’_ wouldn’t be good press for myself or the company” Lena gestured to an invisible marquee.

Alex nodded, then turned to face Lena front on, adopting a more sincere complex. “I never told you this, but I am sorry. I only met Lex once before he graduated, and he was a great guy. I’m presuming an even greater brother.”

Lena looked warmly at Alex, her smile conveying a wordless ‘thankyou’. “He was. And I’m sorry about Jeremiah.”

“Did you ever tell Kara you were there?” Alex asked, looking towards Kara who was completely oblivious of the heart to heart her sister and Lena were apparently having.

“How did you— Kara...” Lena answered her own confusion after some thought. “Yeah she knows.”

Alex hummed, pondering whether to ask what she wanted to. “You don’t have to answer this, but I am curious, why didn’t you say something _then?_ ”

“Fear...” Lena stated simply, like a well rehearsed answer. “I was afraid that she wouldn’t want to see me, that I would hurt her even more being there.”

Alex’s eyes softened at Lena’s open admission. “Have you _seen_ the way she looks at you? That’s _not_ possible. But I’m glad she knows at least. Did Kara ever tell you she showed up too?” Alex asked, then elaborated after receiving a confused look from Lena. “Each day, she showed for hours at Lex’s memorial.”

“No... She didn’t. She would have said something” Lena shook her head in disbelief, wondering why Kara would hide something like that, why Kara would let Lena think she had never showed up, why she had let Lena hate her for it, and hold it against her.

“She did” Alex spoke softly, “I kept her company a few times. It was meant to be one day for an article, but she kept going back each day just in the hope of seeing you.”

“She never...” Lena shook her head again, trying to come to terms with the fact that Kara _had_ been there for her. “I wish she would have told me... The things I said to her, Alex... If I had known before—” Lena stopped herself with a deep sigh, bringing her hands up to massage her temples.

Alex placed a reassuring hand on Lena’s shoulder, careful not to invade any more of Lena’s space. Apparently the weight of the conversation had sobered her up more than a greasy meal and a bottle of water. “She was scared too, who wouldn’t be by you. Even years ago Lena, you intimidated her, you still intimidate her.”

Lena pulled her hands away from her face and gazed at Alex almost painfully. “That’s not true...” She murmured, a light mist forming in her emerald eyes.

“It is” Alex said softly, her frown becoming sympathetic. “Who was I to tell her? She had to figure it out on her own, and I think for once she finally did. But she’s still Kara, she’s more scared of you than you are of her” Alex nudged Lena playfully. “I don’t think she has the confidence to do what needs to be done. Hell, even _I_ wouldn’t if I was in her position.”

“I’m just one person though, and Kara’s the most confident person I know” Lena defended, cradling her beverage in her hands.

“And all it takes is one person. Some things people can’t be taught not to fear, they have to grow out of it themselves by facing what makes them scared. But she’s figured it out now, she just needs a little push. I’ve done what I can, but you know Kara, she’s stubborn” Alex stated matter-of-factly.

“That she is” Lena agreed, raising her glass in salute. “I might not even be here if she weren’t. I’ve never told her, but I thank her every day for it.”

“Let her know then” Alex encouraged, nudging Lena’s shoulder more forcefully.

The CEO scowled at Alex playfully. “What, is this a pep talk?”

“Who else in National City will give you one besides Sam?” Alex asked incredulously. “Kara’s gotten hers, and this is yours. Now, are you going to drink that?” Alex asked, motioning to the untouched drink in Lena’s hands.

“Unbelievable” Lena chuckled, sliding her glass over to celebrating Alex.

“Just think about it” Alex said through a mouthful of mimosa. “From an outside perspective, I think you’re both ready for what _you_ wanted in sophomore year, and she’s decided it’s what _she_ wants aswell. Don’t squander that, Lena. You have a beautiful thing with her, not many people know what they want in life, or how they can make it work, but you can” Alex assured.

Lena smiled softly at the elder Danvers until a shadow replaced what little light they had. “Sorry to interrupt, but can I borrow this cute thing for a dance?” Maggie asked, tugging on Alex’s dress strap.

Alex nodded at her girlfriend, then took a large sip from the beverage in her hand. “Think about it” She urged, before being pulled away by a clearly staggering Maggie.

Now that Lena was left alone once again, she found her eyes concentrated back on Kara, and how in the time of conversing with Alex, Kara had gained a female companion on the dance floor. Watching Kara dance against another woman left an unsavoury feeling in Lena’s stomach, particularly when she had no idea who the woman was, or if she had any secret agendas.

Her patience was thwarted when the unfamiliar girl became slightly too handsey for Lena’s liking, and like an over-protective and jealous _friend_ , Lena found herself out of the booth and already on the dance floor.

She slipped past the sweaty bodies, directly to where Kara was dancing, clearly trying to put a little more space between herself and the mysterious girl. Lena’s hand reached out and brushed against wrist, and the moment Kara saw Lena, her face flooded with relief and delight.

The girl she was dancing with shot Lena daggers, the consequence of having Kara’s attention stolen away from her. Lena kept her composure stoic and cool, staring at the women intently. The tension went amiss by Kara however, who was off in her own little world and obliviously chirped to the other woman that she wanted to dance with Lena.

The woman glanced towards Kara, her expression softening as she nodded, but then her gaze fell ablaze back on Lena, and Lena couldn’t help but smirk, letting her arrogant and cocky bastard persona shine through at besting a nobody. With her hand still holding Kara’s wrist, she pulled Kara closer against her body, then guided her away from the medusa like dwarf still shooting daggers at her.

Once they were completely submerged in the sea of dancing bodies, Lena grinned up at Kara, her hands falling instinctively on Kara’s waist. She pulled Kara flush against her, feeling the dull ache between her legs return at Kara’s earlier suggestive words. She spun Kara around so they could move freely to the bass of the music, Kara’s back moving intimately against Lena’s front.

People looked, and people smirked, but Lena only focused on Kara’s body grinding along hers. She definitely wouldn’t go back and change things if it meant not having Kara right in this moment, Lena wouldn’t have it any other way.

* * *

The alcoholic haze was enough to dampen her senses and inhibitions for a while, but once she slowed the drinking, the emotions started emerging again. Her sobering state left her vulnerable to the depressant affects of the alcohol, and soon Kara’s chirpy mood faded into a dull one.

She had her sister, she had her friends, and she even had Lena again, any other day she would’ve been more than grateful. But there was something missing, the same something Kara felt the _exact_ same time of year _every_ single year without fail. It was an absence that lingered at the very crux of Kara’s existence, and while it remained mostly dormant after years of adapting, it always pushed it’s way through to the surface at the same time each year.

The memories, the loss, the tragedy.

It passed eventually, it always did after a small period of grieving, but it couldn’t be prevented. That’s why Kara yearned to be surrounded by the people she loved every year at her birthday, it helped a great deal, but there would always fall a time throughout the celebration when it stopped helping. There would always fall a time when Kara’s seemingly good world would shatter around her.

Her friend’s were able to spot the tell tale signs of Kara’s plummeting, if she ever did around them, and they acted accordingly, as did Lena. Lena was aware of Kara’s changed state almost immediately, and she carefully led Kara away from the life of the party. There were few people by the end corner of the bar, and Lena found a secluded booth, giving Kara the privacy she needed. They sat in silence, Lena debating whether to find Alex, or take Kara’s phone and call Eliza so Kara had at least one parent to talk to.

She didn’t say anything, knowing it wasn’t exactly her place to try and cheer Kara up, that’d be like telling someone suffering depression to liven up. It was a chemical state that Kara just had to ride through each year, and Kara was grateful Lena didn’t force her to open up. She never did, not even to Alex or Eliza, it was just too painful, but she would always tell them she was okay.

When the feelings passed, she would let them know she was okay. It was a deal they had in place instead of Kara seeking therapy each year like she had in previous years. Talking to a therapist never helped because all they did was prescribe anti-depressants, which was exactly what Kara _didn’t_ need. She had grieved, and she had been depressed, but she had learned to cope with her parents passing. Her current situation was no different.

She wasn’t depressed, Kara knew what it felt like to be depressed, and there was a difference between grief and depression. Where grief is a natural process and reaction one goes through upon losing a family member or loved one, depression is a prolonged period of dysphoric and blunted behaviour.

Kara didn’t mull around all year feeling sorry for herself, she lived her life to the fullest, and she sought happiness in all that she did, but she allowed a small period each year to grieve her parents and Jeremiah. That small period was what she needed to stop her spiralling back toward depression. It was a healthy grieving which many therapists just didn’t understand, because they hadn’t experienced what Kara had. No one had, it was Kara’s experience and no one else’s.

So Lena played the supportive friend and sat with Kara in silence, acting as calming presence, allowing Kara to try and clear her mind and sober up some so the depressant affects would decrease. Occasionally Kara would look up and find Lena’s concerned orbs beading down on her, so she smiled, hoping it would settle Lena.

All Kara needed really was some peace, which wasn’t easily achieved in the roaring of the celebration, it was rather claustrophobic. She stood, informing Lena she was just going outside for some fresh air. She passed Alex on the way, but nodded towards her sister, hoping that the small gesture was enough to stop Alex from chasing after her.

The outside air was chilly and had a strong bite, nipping at Kara’s sensitive skin immediately. Her dress didn’t offer much protection against the breeze, but it was a distraction none the less. The shivering took her mind away from her thoughts and memories, instead replaced by the chilled air and the need to be warm.

Kara found perch on the hood of a car in the alleyway, the music but a distant echo through the noise resistant bar walls. The outside bar lights flickered every few seconds, the bushes rattled with the wind, and the rolling glass bottles clanked against the concrete. Few cars passed along the pedestrian deserted street, and sirens were heard in the distance.

Up above, the skies were clear and twinkling with the lights of thousands of stars, and Kara began naming the constellations off of memory as they appeared to her, courtesy of Jeremiah.

**_Eleven Years Ago_ **

_“This isn’t fair! Why can’t I go out with Alex? You never let me go out with Alex!” Kara stomped her foot against the wooden deck, her signature pout in place._

_A hearty chuckled sounded from Jeremiah. He adjusted his telescope two clicks east, looking carefully through the lens. “Alex is two years older than you, Kara bear. Wouldn’t you want to be hanging out with me instead?”_

_“No” Kara grumbled, her pout never releasing._

_Jeremiah looked away from his lens, then motioned for Kara to join him. “What if I could convince that this is better than going out with Alex?” Jeremiah asked, his eyes shining warmly._

_Kara stood solid in place. “You can’t” She said firmly, crossing her arms over her chest._

_“Oh, I think I can” Jeremiah said confidently._

_Kara looked at him sceptically, wanting to move but the stubborn part of her made her stand her grounds. She huffed and looked away disinterested._

_“Kara-bear, come on, don’t be like that. I found something for you” Jeremiah cooed, coming to kneel infront of Kara._

_Kara turned her head slightly, staring at Jeremiah through squinted eyes. “Is it—“_

_“It is” Jeremiah interrupted, a small grin on his face._

_Reluctantly, Kara dropped her scowl and stomped over towards the telescope, careful not to knock its precision. For the past month, the television news, papers and even NASA representatives had been announcing a rare cosmic event in which a series of comets, millions of years old would pass by the earth’s orbit._

_The small rocks were said to complete and elliptical event and estimated to pass by the earth every few hundred thousand years, making it the first time humanoids would witness the event. According to astrologists, the event would be visible to the naked eye for anyone lucky enough to notice the event in the small window it happens._

_For over a week, Jeremiah had been setting up his telescope each night and scanning the night sky for comet trails, or any sign of the astro-anomaly, until finally he found it. There through the telescope lens, Kara saw the dusty trail of the rocks hurtling through empty space._

_Away from the lens they looked like a series of regular shooting stars, their trails all parallel to one another, like fireworks fanning across the expanse of the sky. But through the lens, she could see their icey trails more clearly, and the frozen bodies of the comets._

_Jeremiah placed a warm hand on Kara’s back. “It’s amazing, isn’t it, Kara-bear?”_

_Kara pulled away from the telescope completely to wrap her hands around Jeremiah’s midsection, her head resting just below his shoulder._

_“It is.”_

_**Present Time** _

A small tear fell from Kara’s eye, trailed down her cheek and landed on the bonnet she was sitting on. The warmth of the salty tear steamed into oblivion as it made contact with the frosted material.

When she closed her eyes, she imagined them, the way she did on that night eleven years ago. Her parents, just two of the hundreds of comets that flew across the sky that night, just two of the millions of comets that fly across the sky each year, just two of the trillions of comets flying across the cosmos every second. Just two, of the infinite number of mother’s and father’s looking to say goodbye to their children one last time.

She said goodbye that night too, and every year since, she said goodbye again, remembering their bodies flying across the sky.

Kara fumbled with the phone in her clutch, pulling it out through damp vision. The tone rung twice before a croaky voice answered the call.  
  
_“Kara, honey? I didn’t think I would hear from you tonight. Is everything alright?”_ Eliza asked, concerned.

Kara held her breath, squeezing her eyes tight and willing her voice not to break.

 _“Kara?”_ Eliza asked again.

She exhaled a shaky breath and dabbed at another swell of tears threatening to fall past her lids. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to call this late but... I just called to say thankyou, and that I’m okay.”

 _“Oh, of course, Kara—“_ Eliza cooed before being interrupted.

“No, I mean _thankyou_ ” Kara emphasised. “Alex told me about the photo booth and the trouble everyone went through to find it. So thankyou.”

 _“Oh, honey”_ Eliza cooed, somewhere inside a yawn. _“Lena did most of the work, it was her idea... Are you sure everything is okay?”_ Eliza asked, sounding even more concerned.

“It is. It really is” Kara assured, “I just wanted to hear your voice.” Kara closed her eyes again, watching the comets fly past in the darkness, and when she opened them, she was met with the empty, poorly lit alleyway. “I miss them. I miss Jeremiah and I miss my parents. I’ve missed them _so_ much, but now I don’t have to, because you guys brought them back to me” Kara sobbed quietly, afraid someone would hear if she was too loud.

 _“Oh, sweat pea. They are proud of you, okay? Wherever they are, they are so proud of you, we all are”_ Eliza said sincerely.

“I know” Kara whispered, gazing up into the night sky existentially.

The faint creak of the rusted door pulled Kara’s attention away from the stars, and she looked back to find Lena standing unsurely by the door. Kara cocked her head to the side, signalling for Lena to come join her.

 _“She’s there, isn’t she”_ Eliza stated surely, and Kara wondered if Eliza had a secret spy camera somewhere in the alley. _“I’ll leave you to it. Happy Birthday, sweet pea. I love you.”_

“And I love you” Kara said, waiting for the line to drop before pulling the device from her ear.

She didn’t need to look up to know Lena was already staring at her. Her gaze was focused on the ground, or more so the milky flesh of Lena’s porcelain legs on display, and how they were racked with goosebumps and shivers. She could almost feel the vibrations from Lena’s body she was shivering that much.

“How are you not cold?” Lena asked, completely shocked at Kara’s ability to be sitting on the hood without so much as a shiver. Lena leaned it closer to Kara and let out a small moan, to which Kara found more pornographic than sweet. “You’re so warm, you’re like a furnace.”

Lena huddled closer to Kara, and Kara wrapped her arm around Lena’s shivering frame, willing her body heat to diffuse into Lena to stop her quiet whimpers which were doing ungodly things to Kara’s insides.

“You know,” Lena chattered, “The party is in there. _Your_ party.”

“I know, but the stars are so beautiful tonight” Kara replied, feeling more at peace about her loss than she had ever felt before. It was a complete one-eighty than when she was inside the bar, and it was all thanks to her family, friends, and Lena.

Kara missed the way Lena’s eyes strained on her when she spoke next, “Yeah, they are.”

Kara continued on a tangent, still not aware of Lena’s eyes trailing over every inch of her face. “It’s even more beautiful outside the city when it’s just the stars and no lights, and where there’s no cars or city noises.”

Lena imagined the scene Kara described, imagining herself with Kara, wrapped up inside a blanket, sharing tea underneath the stars. She was sure Kara could imagine it too. “I can imagine. So did you get everything you wished for?” Lena asked hopefully.

“No, not yet” Kara said casually, tearing her eyes away from the sky to finally look at Lena.

Lena pouted, and cocked her head. “And what haven’t you gotten?” She asked, confused.

The moonlight shone down from the sky, bouncing off Lena’s glowing flesh. Her kryptonite eyes were reeling Kara in like a fish on a hook, line and sinker. Kara couldn’t help herself when she reached up and traced Lena’s sharp jawline, brushing a strand of hair behind Lena’s ear in the process. A wake of goosebumps trailed where her hand had been, and Lena closed her eyes, savouring the touch.

“If I tell you, do you promise not to run away?” Kara whispered, inching closer.

Lena shivered under Kara’s touch once again, then stuttered some at Kara’s close proximity. “K-Kara why would I—“

Lena was silenced by the gentle tug forward from Kara’s hand behind her head, and Kara’s lips pressed firmly, and sweetly against hers. Lena melted into the kiss, allowing Kara’s lips which tasted sweetly of vanilla, to caress her own.

Kara felt Lena relax and submit to her, a surge of heat formed in her stomach at the simple action, and her heart began to flutter. The touch was electric, synapses upon synapses firing on to the next, and Kara was sure this was what it felt like to short circuit, a synaptical short circuit.

The kiss was everything she wanted and more. Unlike her first, and last kiss with Lena, this one was different. It was sober, and there was so much raw passion behind Lena’s lips, like she had been waiting all along for Kara to kiss her. It was a kiss they both craved, they both desired, and they both shared.

Her hands dropped lower to Lena’s curved waist, and she traced the fabric of the dress, clinging to Lena like a second skin. Lena’s hands replaced Kara’s own, latching onto Kara’s neck for dear life, bracing herself in the thought that Kara might just float away.

Leaving the kiss innocent before it became too aggressive, Kara pulled away shyly, her tongue trailing over Lena’s top lip in the process, leaving Lena desperate for more, but she didn’t want to push Kara. She couldn’t imagine the nerves that were racking through Kara’s beautiful body, and the courage she must have had to do what she just did. Kara smiled bashfully, covering her face with her hands, and Lena could see the redness coating up Kara’s soft face, making it seem as though her synthetic blush were never even there.

Her heart was beating at a mile a minute and the idea that she had just kissed Lena was all too consuming. The look in Lena’s eyes was of pure lust and hunger, and Kara could see she had awoken a beast within herself, and within Lena.

Still, Kara stayed shied away, just waiting for Lena to make another move, or to run away after finally getting what she wanted, but Lena stayed, silent and still.

Did Kara really think Lena would just run away, even after that kiss? It was an incentive to stay, _not_ to run away.

Slowly Kara removed her hands from her face to peak at Lena, and Lena gave her a look of complete adoration.

“I promise” Lena whispered.

* * *

 

Two words. Two words was all it took for Kara to become the happiest, most grateful and most relieved woman on the planet, and they _weren’t_ the words “I do”.

The street lights from inside Lena’s town car sped past like a single unison glow. The lights reflected from the windows, their patterns dancing upon the car ceiling like a ballroom of dancers. Kara’s heart thudded with each movement upon the material, creating an automative bass beat which drowned out the gentle music playing through the backseat speakers.

A tinted window separated Lena and Kara from the driver in the front, and Kara ceased the opportunity to stare aimlessly at the beauty beside her without worrying about spectators and their opinions. Too many people recognised the CEO at Kara’s surprise birthday, and too many people had formed their opinions already, their looks betraying them as Kara sized them down when the pair gingerly walked back into the bar two hours prior.

But in the back of Lena’s car, the world faded, and all that was left was herself and Lena. The lights flickered across Lena’s porcelain skin, creating a luminous glow which hypnotised every cell in Kara’s body. Her reflection was visible through the window, and Kara just stared, soaking up all she could about Lena in that moment, reliving the memory of her lips gliding upon Lena’s own.

The mere thought of it sent tingles through Kara’s body, resting in her most neglected area. They hadn’t spoken about the kiss when they returned to the bar, they didn’t need to. Alex and Maggie seemed to pick up on their behaviour, as did Sam, and all three women sported wide grins with a few provocative gestures.

Over the next two hours, they danced, drank, laughed at Winn’s horrible jokes, were bested by Maggie in four games of pool, then returned back to their booth, never more than a foot away from each other. Kara lost count of how times she traced the contours and lines of Lena’s hands, just wanting to feel Lena’s skin under her own, and she lost count of how many times Lena relaxed into the simple gesture, and how when she would squeeze Lena’s hand, Lena jerked back into consciousness and scrunched her face in a playful annoyance.

When the town car slowed to a stop, it took a few seconds to register that they were pulled up outside Kara’s apartment, and without thinking, without hesitation, Kara invited Lena inside. The raven haired woman responded immediately, and followed closely behind Kara up the few flights of stairs to the fourth floor.

They staggered down the hallway, using the wall as a walking aid in attempts of not falling over and waking Kara’s grouchy, old neighbour. The old man was a war veteran, not at all interested in the drunken escapades of millennials. He had, on more than one occasion, come out and roused Kara, but Alex had put the old bitty in his place the next time she visited, declaring that while his deaf ears couldn’t hear the radio in the early morning, everyone else in the building could.

Their bodies slumped against Kara’s door in a fit of giggles and hushed whispers while Kara eagerly tried to pry her door open. She succeeded and dragged Lena by her hand into the warmth of the apartment. A dim light spread throughout each room, courtesy of the few lights Kara had left on, and two fluffy heads popped up from behind the couch.

Kara watched, intrigued as Lena waddled her way over to the dopey dogs, and slumped down less than gracefully, petting and cooing at the happy animals. Kara took it upon herself to fill two glasses with water while Lena entertained her dogs, and the feeling of how domestic the scene before her was did not go amiss.

She admired Lena’s curved, bent over form, particularly in that dress, and she found her mouth becoming partially dry, even after a glass of water. She quickly filled another in attempt to remedy the equally parched and famished beast within her. It was her birthday, but she couldn’t be so selfish as to use that as justification for her own desires, Lena was more precious than that, as was the thought of taking Lena then and there.

It occurred to Kara that all those years ago, she had been denied the privilege of Lena’s body, even if just a visual, and part of her was jealous that other people had seen Lena before she had, that other people had touched her and made her squirm before she had. After all, Lena was and always would be Kara’s first. Too enraptured by her jealousy, Kara didn’t notice the light padding of Lena’s now bare feet behind her, until she felt two warm arms wrap around her midsection.

A body was pressed firmly against her back, and hot breath fanned against her neck, causing a contradictory shiver throughout her body. While her body racked with shivers and goosebumps, her flesh itself felt as though it were on fire, as though she was the sun, and her gravity was pulling Lena’s celestial body even closer towards her, harder into her against the countertop.

Every tiny movement behind her she felt, and every tiny intake of breath she heard. She felt the way Lena’s lips nibbled on the exposed flesh of her neck, the way Lena’s hands tightened around her abdominals, and the way Lena’s thigh pushed between Karas’s own, settling at the apex between Kara’s legs. Kara tilted her head back on instinct, partially succumbing to the pleasure coursing through her at Lena’s teasing touch.

She knew exactly what was happening, it was a power game. While Lena had lost hers when Kara kissed her, Lena was back again asserting herself, and Kara loved every minute of it, even though it wasn’t going to last too much longer. Her breathing became heavy as she attempted to control her racing heart, and she felt Lena’s body react in sync with hers.

Both of them wanted it, both of them needed it, and both of them had waited so long to have it.

It wasn’t until Lena pressed a feather light kiss inbetween the junction of Kara’s shoulder and neck, her most sensitive spot, then trailed tongue over the spot that she earned a pleasurable sigh. Along with the sigh, the flip inside Kara’s resolve switched faster than lightening could ever hope to strike.

Her movements were precise and her motions were refined as she turned on foot, catching Lena off guard momentarily before pushing the CEO backwards into the island countertop. The second Lena connected with the structure was the second Kara’s lips attached to Lena’s, much more passionately and aggressively than what they shared earlier in the night.

Where that kiss had been soft and slow, this kiss was harsh and feverent, like an addict in withdrawal experiencing a pick me up, and Lena was the drug. Kara had never wanted something or someone so much in her life than how much she wanted Lena, and her actions displayed as much.

She hiked Lena’s dress up, letting her hands wander up full thighs before gripping firmly in the curve of Lena’s hips, lifting the girl up onto the island in one swift motion. Lena squealed in surprise against Kara’s lips at her show of strength, the vibrations only increasing the throbbing between Kara’s legs. Lena opened her legs on instinct for Kara to nestle firmly between, and she pulled Lena’s body closer to hers, sliding her over the counter and feeling the heat from Lena’s covered core against her own abdomen.

Their tongues fought for dominance against each other, their hot breath mixing in with the eruption of passion and desire. For feelings that had been dormant for so long, Kara was surprised their actions hadn’t destroyed her apartment already, much like the predicted eruption of Yellowstone National Park. But volcanoes were far from Kara’s mind as her soft hands glided up and down Lena’s bare thighs, touching skin she had only ever dreamt she could touch.

Lena’s legs wrapped around Kara’s body, keeping them flush together. While Kara’s lungs burned for oxygen, she didn’t dare pull away. Lena was a different kind of oxygen, ans Kara was determined to breathe it all in, even if it killed her.

Kara almost lost herself in her heated thoughts, floating off into the universe of carnal passion before a soft voice pulled her back down to earth.

Lena’s kiss swollen lips broke away from Kara’s own, and she began whispering hotly but softly into Kara’s ear. “Hey hey, slow down. We don’t need to rush.”

“I want to” Kara responded immediately through ragged inhales, still completely transfixed on ravishing Lena upon her table top.

Lena’s thumb stroked circular patterns against Kara’s flushed cheek, her green eyes almost non-existent behind dilated pupils. The small action was enough to jolt Kara away, realising that Lena deserved more than to be fucked upon a bench top due to a lack of self restrain. She deserved so much more.

Lena pulled Kara closer again, sensing Kara’s shame. “I know, but we have time, we have nothing but time” Lena assured, cupping Kara’s other cheek with her spare hand.

The emotions flickered across Kara’s face. Shame, guilt, anger, doubt, and she was sure Lena saw each and every one. “Then why do I feel like that’s a bad thing? Because time hasn’t exactly been our friend.”

Lena smiled softly at Kara, leaning in to peck Kara’s lips. “It hasn’t, but we’ll be okay. So let’s continue making out, but instead let’s do it on your unbelievably comfy rug, in your unbelievably tight dress while your dogs enjoy the view.”

It was then that Kara saw Lexa and Schnitzel peeping at the pair across from the room, and that they had almost seen Kara and Lena go at it on the bench top. She responded like any protective mother would. “Christ, Lexa! Schnitzel! Out!” She ordered.

After a few small groans and some puppy dog eyes, the two dogs snuggled back inside their beds. “That was kind of hot, you ordering them around like that” Lena commented.

Kara cocked her head to the side, giving Lena’s full thighs a firm squeeze. “What can I say, I boss the bitches.”

Lena looked down to where Kara’s hands gripped her legs, and she grinned. “We’ll see about that.”

Kara grinned in return, then pulled Lena off her counter, spun Lena around, then led Lena towards her bed from behind. She spun Lena once more, and once Lena’s legs touched the end of the bed, Kara playfully shoved her down.

Lena fell backwards with a dramatic sigh, watching as Kara reached back to unzip her dress. She didn’t pull the fabric down however, she just left it there as the cruelest tease, and began crawling over the bed towards Lena’s quivering body, like a predator cornering their prey.

She threw one leg over Lena’s waist, then another, effectively straddling her. She stayed sitting upon Lena’s waist, reaching and intertwining their hands. She could feel Lena’s pulse quicken through her wrist, and she knew that her’s was doing the same.

Lena looked up at her in anticipation, watching Kara’s every move. “Would it be too cliche to tell you happy birthday right about now?”

Kara brought Lena’s hand to her mouth and kissed the flesh softly. “I think it’s more like both out of birthdays.”

“Oh yeah?” Lena said nervously, trying and failing to contain her response at such a simple gesture.

“Absolutely” Kara said, tugging Lena upwards so they were face to face. “Now, shut up and kiss me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Update* 17/07 - Not taking any more votes for Sanvers or AgentReign. Votes have been tallied.
> 
> Sorry about the later update with this. I don’t know why, but I had some troubles writing this chapter. My apologies if it’s lacking in quality, I had a deflation of ideas when trying to finish this. I feel like I’m just at that point in the story where it’s on it’s downhill run, and the content left is just not as full and juicy as it has been. I’ll try harder next chapter, and then hopefully for the next ones I’ll try ending the fiction with as much gusto as when I started the work. I also ended up writing some of next chapter, so there’s that too.
> 
> I’ve planned out a new ending for this, it’s different to the original I planned. Supercorp is always endgame (in my mind), but my ending will hopefully allow readers to take away what they want from the story, I want it to be open to interpretation. I’m looking at squeezing out a few more chapters for you guys, but the big plot of this story was always their reunion, and them finding their way back together which is almost complete. I can always do an epilogue chapter if you guys want.
> 
> Also, I’ve gotten some very equal responses about AgentReign and Sanvers. I do need a majority, so whoever has more support this chapter, I will conclude with them. But everything will work out well, hopefully! 
> 
> My twitter is always open for questions or friendly chat @AiLaikHeda__ :) 
> 
> P.S. I edited most of this while I was sober, most, so any mistakes blame it on the intoxicated me! The last two sections I wrote completely drunk, but I found it too interesting to change, so I hope you enjoyed the way my brain thought when drunk!


	19. Cloud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *WARNING*: This chapter is separate from the Supercorp storyline and was written for Sanvers voters. Mentions of dark themes like homophobic bullying and content in the second section of the chapter, also mentions of TOSH. Please skip over this section if it may be triggering - shouldn’t dent the overall chapter if you do but there is fluff at the end of the second section if you can stick it through the intense parts.
> 
>  
> 
> I'm walking in this cloud  
> In this cloud, upon love  
> But still I feel this doubt  
> Feel this doubt, about us
> 
> I'm walking in this cloud  
> In this cloud, upon love  
> This road can't be mine, can't be mine
> 
> Stand down, drop these weapons now  
> We're walking in this lie, walking in this lie  
> You know I try, try to compromise  
> We're walking in this high, walking in this high
> 
> We are pushed back and down  
> I'm out of my mind otherwise  
> We are pushed and fallen down  
> Into this crowded space
> 
> Stand down, drop these weapons now  
> We're walking in this lie, walking in this lie  
> You know I try, try to compromise  
> We're walking in this high, walking in this high

This was just another one, another one in a multitude of never ending arguments that went around and around and always ended up inconclusive. It never seemed to progress any further each time they had one, and they knew the outcome each time one ended, yet continually they found themselves in this situation. Only this time, their best friend alcohol was there to accompany them.

They were sure their neighbours and neighbouring floors heard them most nights, even the residents across the street. They were no doubt close to getting a nuisance citation from their landlord with all the complaints being made, but what did Alex care? In the big picture of things, a little noise and citation meant absolutely _nothing_.

She barely saw her girlfriend of almost twelve years anymore. Most nights when she wasn’t at Kara’s, or more accurately, when it wasn’t _her_ night to be at Kara’s, she waited on the sofa just staring at the door, wishing for Maggie to come home, hoping for Maggie to come home. But each night that passed where Maggie didn’t, she was thankful, because if Maggie did, it would be just another one to add to the building collection.

It would just be another reason for Maggie or herself to leave again, another reason for them to hurt even more than they already did, another reason for everything calm in their life to explode with all the anger, guilt, and rage that they carried around each day. Alex missed her girlfriend more than anything, but every night she spent alone where she wished she was with Maggie, she knew that ultimately it was for the better. That was the scary part.

In her mind, Alex would rather be void of all their disputes, even void of Maggie if it meant not seeing the constant pain in her girlfriend’s eyes, which Alex surely reflected each time they began another round. Alex knew that her health mattered just as much as the immovable stance she took against Maggie. She knew it was unfair on Kara aswell, her younger sister being the middle man between them.

For so long, the pair had been each other’s life line. They had been there in a time for one another where no one else was. They were each other’s light in their darkest times, each other’s hope in their hopeless times.

They had been each other’s rock, a shoulder to cry on, a friend to berate work colleagues to, they had been _everything_ for each other for so long, but there was one thing that Maggie just couldn’t seem to be, the one thing that Alex needed above everything else. And what was the luck that it was the one thing that could tear them apart so easily.

The same could be said for Alex aswell. Maggie needed just as much from Alex as Alex did of her, it just so happened that what they needed opposed each other, like two exact ends of a magnet repelling. It just so happened that what they needed from each other above all else was the one thing they simply could not give.

Alex knew for that very reason that her sister falling between two people who she both loved was unfair. Often times she forgot that it wasn’t just her who was effected by Maggie’s absence, it was everyone who cared for Maggie aswell. Kara was at the tippy top of that list, and Maggie was practically her second sister.

She knew that her friends deserved better than what she was giving them, especially when Kara wasn’t entirely sure how severe the situation was, yet she still welcomed both Alex and Maggie with open arms into her home when they needed. Alex had only brushed over the details, and no one knew how bad it was. No one knew what was coming next except for Maggie and Alex. How could they not?

It wasn’t difficult to miss, there was a physical space between them as much as an emotional and metaphorical. That space was rapidly growing, and it had been since the inevitable day when Maggie opened up Alex’s laptop and found an open tab to an adoption clinic.

Any time Alex had seen Maggie over recent weeks, it was a longing or guilty glance from across the room, or it was over opposite ends of the dinner table they shared, as opposed to adjacent chairs which they previously favoured. Or even worse, it was through blurred vision and blood shot eyes, to which Alex would vaguely remember the next day.

They presented themselves well infront of friends, and they fronted a convincing facade, but behind closed doors it was a different story altogether.

The space between them was filling with everything they weren’t _saying_ to each other anymore, everything they weren’t _being_ for each other anymore, everything they weren’t _giving_ each other anymore. And Alex missed it all, not just the sex and the cuddles, but being able to wake up next to her favourite person, being able to see something so simple such as that dimpled smile on her girlfriend’s face each time she brought in morning coffee, which always reminded Alex of why she fell in love with Maggie in the first place.

She missed being able to kiss those awaiting lips each time Maggie returned home from work, being able to settle against Maggie’s grounded body while having a home theatre date. She couldn’t remember the last time they were happy like that, it had been that long. She couldn’t remember Maggie’s smell, her touch, her taste, her anything. Alex’s senses had been deprived too long that Maggie had become an unfamiliarity.

The weeks had been patchy and slow, some days better than others simply because they never spoke. Those were equally the worst days and the best days.

Imagine that. The best days with the love of your life are the days you didn’t talk, let alone see each other, which made them simultaneously the worst. It was all kinds of torturous, and Alex knew they couldn’t keep it up forever, the stress it was putting on both of them in ways they couldn’t register. Alex had plucked four grey hairs alone in the past week, and she had _never_ plucked grey hairs before.

But that was nothing compared to what she had heard of Maggie. Apparently Maggie had received her second warning in three weeks about being overly aggressive and accusatory in her interrogations.

But how can you fix something with someone when you can’t even communicate with them, when you can’t bare to look at them because each time you do, you spiral back to that one thing which has been tearing you apart. You remember all the pain and anger from each individual round, each individual word which cut through your body like a blade.

Kara’s surprise party had been the first time in what felt like forever, where it felt like everything was okay, where everything felt domestic and normal. Alex chalked it up to it being Kara’s birthday, and that no one could really expel energy on their own issues when they knew the ones Kara was battling were far worse.

It also happened to be the first time in along time where Alex and Maggie shared the same bed. Alex was far too tired to complain when Maggie slid under the sheets beside her in the early hours of the morning. They each had far too much to drink to drive anywhere, and the sofa wasn’t ideal for sleeping off a hangover.

More than that, it was the first time in a long time that Alex was reminded of what it felt like to be loved, particularly after not seeing Maggie for a week since asking Maggie for a final time to figure out what she wanted. They didn’t talk about it though, when Maggie came home that night. They just stayed silent, enjoyed the somewhat peaceful atmosphere while it lasted, as if subconsciously they knew it would be their last. It did feel good to have Maggie back at home, because Maggie was _home_.

She had been Alex’s home for so long, and it didn’t matter where they were in the world or what they were doing, as long as they had each other. The idea of that ideal not existing anymore petrified Alex. She had been with Maggie for so long that she didn’t know what I felt like to be without her. It would become a whole new world that she would have to learn to navigate without Maggie.

Alex knew that Maggie loved her, Maggie would always love her, as would Alex love Maggie. For Alex, loving Maggie was as easy as breathing, it was infinite. But along the way, they had forgotten to show each other just how much they still did, despite their one difference. Their relationship suffered tremendously because of that, and nothing either Alex or Maggie could do would change that, or repair the damage that had already been caused. There were some things that love simply could not overcome.

It was unfair to assume you couldn’t love someone just because they had different aspirations in life than you did, and Alex figured they both needed the love they had been neglecting each other for the past several weeks. They yearned for it as much as they yearned for things to be okay, even though they knew they weren’t, that they would never be.

That was the reality of the situation, and Alex had come to terms with that a _long_ time ago. And she had made her decision a _long_ time ago.

Maggie’s lithe body slid up behind Alex that morning, holding her so tight under the duvet, and she placed a light kiss where Alex’s sleep top had bunched down below her shoulder. The arms around Alex’s body tightened even further, and Alex squished back into Maggie’s comfort, feeling the warmth of the woman she loved.

She woke before Maggie did that morning, and returned with a steaming coffee, black with two sugars, Maggie’s favourite morning beverage. It was the day following Kara’s birthday, and Alex knew that after the way they had _unleft_ things the previous day, it was time. It had to be time, as much as she didn’t want to believe it was, there was no light at the end of the tunnel they had be traveling down the past few weeks.

_“I don’t want to have a baby, Alex.”_

_“That’s fine. I mean I can...? I can carry or we can adopt?”_

_“You’re not understanding, I do not want kids, I do not want to be a mother. I just don’t, and if you force me, I will resent you. I will never be the mother you want me to be, the mother our kid will deserve simply because I won’t want them.”_

Hearing those words come from Maggie the first time was one of the toughest things Alex ever had to hear. How do you decide, between a future with the woman you love with every fibre of your being, or having children? It should have been the toughest decision in the world, it should have been a decision they made together, but Alex had made hers in seconds, and she wondered for so long whether that made her a bad person.

It was either that or the fact that Alex knew if given the option again, she would choose kids in a heartbeat. She would choose kids _every single time_.

Realistically she knew the arguments were just a buffer to prevent the inevitable from happening. It was their arguments which had become their lifeline to each other, because without them, their wouldn’t be a _them_.

As she sat at that table, waiting for the love of her life to emerge from the bedroom, Alex knew what she wanted, her mind had never changed, never faltered, never even hesitated. She knew what she wanted just as surely as Maggie knew what she wanted, Alex’s ultimatum made sure of that. The sad part was, the only thing they could agree on was that they wanted each other, but in the end, that wasn’t enough, not for Alex.

Sometimes she wished Maggie had never even seen her desktop open up to an adoption clinic, because it would have saved them countless arguments, and spared the demise of their relationship a little longer. Because that’s what was happening. There was no coming back from where they were, no compromise or decision could be made in aid. Unless by some miracle Maggie woke up one day wanting children, or Alex woke up without the desire of having children. But that would never happen.

Being a mother was set in Alex’s genes, even Eliza had told her that when she was a child. Alex always had a kind heart, a tendency to care for and nurture for things that couldn’t themselves. Alex proved that point when she was all but eight years old.

When playing in her backyard, Alex had come across the small, feathered and battered body of a baby bird. She had kept the small creature in a shoebox and had collected seeds from a nearby tree in the park opposite her first home. She cared for the bird for two weeks until Jeremiah found the shoebox in Alex’s cupboard.

The creature was taken to an animal shelter and later adopted by a family who already owned a domestic bird. It was a milestone in Alex’s journey to motherhood, Eliza used to say.

But had Maggie never seen the desktop, Alex doubted she would of had the courage to bring the topic up to Maggie herself, already knowing her girlfriends reservations on children at that point. She probably would have spent the next few years slowly beginning to resent Maggie for no particular reason at all besides the fact they were childless, and didn’t have a family seperate from themselves. That’s what it would have come to, and Alex knew that just as Maggie did.

It was obvious even to Alex that they were past the point of hope, or trying to salvage what they had left. Relationships were about respect, trust and sacrifice, but some things can’t be sacrificed, and when a relationship comes to that point, it’s pretty much hopeless. The only thing left to do is to hold all the pieces together in attempt to stop either person crumbling.

All that was left for Alex was to initiate the one conversation that would end them all, and with each groan and stir that came from within their bedroom, Alex’s heart broke in her chest. Then Maggie finally emerge, coffee cup in hand but a broken smile on her face as though she could read Alex’s intentions. Maggie’s calm demeanour didn’t make it any easier.

“I was hoping you’d take longer getting up” Alex nearly whispered. She raked her eyes over Maggie’s figure, not at all predatorily, but as though she were trying to memories every scar, every freckle, every inch of the woman before her. It was as though she knew what the outcome would be before it even came, and she was preparing for it without even noticing.

Maggie stopped by the chair adjacent to Alex’s, the chairs they had shared countless meals in over the years. “You know this is only going to get harder?” Alex spoke again in a hushed monotone, refusing to meet Maggie’s pleading, brown eyes, already knowing that they’d be brimming with tears at the beginning of the impending end of their relationship.

Maggie sucked in a gulp of air, then another, and another, as though all the oxygen in the world just wasn’t enough to save her. “I don’t want to feel like this, I don’t want this to be it. I love you” Maggie spoke, her voice cracking with heartbreak.

When Alex looked up, she saw the tear tracks of already fallen tears down the face she used to wake up to. She saw the dried mascara, knowing that sometime during the night Maggie had been crying, and she never even knew. Alex knew she wasn’t fairing much better either. “I know. I love you back” Alex said softly through a broken smile, trying to find any way to make the conversation less painful.

“This can’t be it, this is stupid” Maggie sighed in denial, sounding utterly defeated and not at all the confident woman Alex knew her girlfriend was. Maggie’s head hung low, and Alex knew that this was going to be the hardest thing either of them ever had to go through, and they wouldn’t even be able to help each other through it.

Alex dabbed at her eyes with her sleeve, attempting to gracefully sniffle away the result of her tears. “We’ve talked this through, we’ve _fought_ this through, and for _weeks_. Can you do it again? Can you go another couple rounds? Because I can’t.... are you _ever_ going to want to have kids?” Alex asked finally, desperately hoping that Maggie might just say yes, clinging to that one remaining shred of hope that had been holding her intact, preventing her from crumbling down indefinitely.

Maggie’s head rose, and her face scrunched in an insurmountable amount of pain. “I want you” she pleaded, her voice breaking completely.

Alex closed her eyes and sighed in defeat, “I know. But _I_ want kids, I’m _always_ going to want kids and I can’t change that, as much as I want you” Alex spoke, her eyes flicking opening to reflect Maggie’s pain. She couldn’t bare to look at the face of the woman she had loved and lost anymore, but she held eye contact, knowing she had to be strong for the both of them.

Maggie’s brows rose, and her jaw hung in heartbreak. “Then there’s nothing else left. You have to say it.”

“Maggie...” Alex whispered, shaking her head slowly.

Maggie pleaded again then, grasping Alex’s hands so tightly in her own smaller hands. “You have to say it, _please_ , because I can’t” she sobbed.

Alex released an exhale, channeling every ounce of strength she ever had, or hoped to have. She channelled every kiss, every embrace, every smile, every laugh, every memory or moment she had ever shared with Maggie, and then, she let it all go.

“We can’t be together.”

The resulting cry that fell from Maggie’s lips was enough to cripple Alex emotionally, leaving her in a state of emotional catatonia. She watched in slow-motion as Maggie fled the table and hurried out the door, not even capable of looking backwards to glimpse at the woman who had just knowingly shattered the world around her.

* * *

_**Twelve Years Ago** _

Why did everyone hate her? Why did the world hate her? It was as though all of a sudden everyone decided “Fuck Alex Danvers” all at once. Even her friends hated her, and for what? Because she was into girls?

That’s when it all started, the abandoning, the teasing and the bullying. It wasn’t meant to happen the way it did, it wasn’t meant to happen at all. In fact, Alex would’ve been set on going the rest of her high school career in the closet so to speak. She knew how kids could be, how nasty and degrading their slurs were, and she didn’t want to fall victim to the hands of high school bullying and what it could do to a person.

But alas, she had.

Her parents knew of course, way before everyone else had. Her parents had always suspected it too, but they waited for the time Alex would be comfortable enough to tell them first hand. It wasn’t in their position to ask it of Alex either, Alex had to do it herself.

In some ways Alex thought she had let her parents down by coming out as gay. She had thought they may kick her out or abandon her, but they were everything _but_ disappointed. Her mother was initially shocked for her suspicions to be confirmed, but both her parents loved her all the same. Both her parents were proud of her, Alex always knew that, but sometimes she didn’t feel that way.

Her boyfriend at the time, Tony, was her biggest surprise though. He too was initially shocked when Alex eventually broke up with him after coming out to her parents, but promised he would keep Alex’s secret a _secret_ until she was ready for more people to know. It did help that Tony eventually moved interstate, along with her secret. But even that, nor her supportive parents could save her from the wrath of high school, or the wrath of her sexual desires.

It was during gym class that the scene happened, as clichè as it was. But when else can one see a perfectly sculpted, teenage athlete in all their glory? Alex was just minding her own business on the bleachers, waiting for Coach Sylvester to finish her class with the cheer squad, while quietly admiring the senior softball team in their sporting attire. She wasn’t the only one staring, but apparently she was the _only_ one called out for it.

It didn’t help that Alex had been crushing on the softball captain since she was in freshman year. Who at Lima hadn’t been? The girl was practically flawless, and completely off limits to everyone at the school, particularly a sophomore. Except, this one day, Alex had been staring too long, and she was unfortunately caught off guard when the softball captain in thought had bent down to tie her shoes, giving Alex the greatest view she had seen in a _long_ time.

Like the hopeless lesbian she was, Alex had choked on her mouthful of water, catching the attention of some nearby jocks, the same jocks who Kara had socked in the face later on that year, but that was a different story altogether.

The ring leader of the group strutted over, a cocky grin attached to his mug of a face.

“Oi oi! Were you just checking out Cindy? What are you, a dyke or something?”

The homophobic question had caught Alex off guard even further, and her reaction alone was enough to confirm an answer. Everything started going downhill from there. Her friends started distancing themselves from her, then eventually ignored her, not wanting to associate with a ‘lesbian’ in exchange for school status. The jocks made fun of her on a daily basis, not just of her sexuality, but of everything they could. Eventually the girls she _thought_ were her friends joined in the teasing aswell.

It was the lowest time in Alex’s life, nothing could compare. She sought comfort in her music, and online blogs where she connected with outcasted girls and boys going through similar experiences. Thus began the infamous goth stage in Alex’s life. At least the people online respected and acknowledged her, but they were just texted words attached to faces.

In the real world, she was confronted with the ugly truth of society, and she was completely defenceless and alone, no matter how many times her parents told her she wasn’t. Jeremiah and Eliza did everything in their power to combat the bullying Alex was facing, but with the useless sack of a principle at the time, very little was done. It was all words thrown at her, all verbal insults which could be denied by the kids who threw them.

Of course, twelve years ago was a long time in terms of societal acceptance of the LGBT community. People were less understanding, less willing to understand and engage with people in the community. The stigma surrounding LGBT people, like most things considered not biological uniform, was terrible. All the support and acceptance given in present day couldn’t right the wrongs that were done to so many people years ago, Alex included.

Everyday Alex woke wishing she could just disappear, everyday she begged her parents not to go to school, everyday she thought about just running away to a new life somewhere far, far away where nobody knew her. All she wanted was for the torture to stop.

But the school, along with the principle were useless in helping Alex at enforcing proper bullying consequences. It wasn’t actually until the following year when a gay exchange student was targeted that the school started to take action after some serious lawsuits were pressed against them. Of course, the school hadn’t had principal Henshaw at that time either.

The man, for some reason had taken an odd liking to Alex when he arrived, and no one even thought twice about picking on Alex after that. However, until then, Alex was completely helpless.

It didn’t help that Alex had also had it out for Kara at that point aswell. Everything that she knew and loved had been inadvertently stolen by the orphaned sister, Kara Danvers. _Everybody_ loved Kara, but _nobody_ loved Alex. Kara was the golden child, the one everyone adored and sympathised for. Kara _was_ everything and _had_ everything that Alex wanted.

On her worst days, she thought about ending it all. At the time, it felt like the only escape from the pain. No one spoke to her, people avoided her like the plague, they stared, they gossiped and they humiliated Alex _every single day._ It was a walking nightmare that Alex couldn’t escape, no matter how hard she tried.

The thing that ultimately stopped her, and brought her away from those damaging thoughts were the people she would end up hurting if she ever did go through with it. And Alex wasn’t thinking about her teachers, her used to be friends, or the people on her Facebook list. She thought about her parents, her grandparents, her uncle and aunt, all the people who had positively influenced and shaped her into the young woman she was. She also thought of Kara, her adopted sister who would end up losing someone else she called ‘family’.

Alex had decided then and there that she wouldn’t wish that pain upon anyone, not even for her own reasons. She decided she wouldn’t given in to the temptation, despite the way she felt about herself.

But all of that changed when a short, witty, and dimpled smiling girl stepped foot in Lima. All of that changed when Alex was finally awoken by the walking personification of a puppy dog. The first thing Alex noticed was her smile, the way her eyes would squint, and partially disappear as two large dimples sat either side of her lips. The next thing she noticed was the girl’s laugh, the way she let out the most adorable and hearty chuckle Alex had ever heard.

Her confidence and self-assurity was radiant, without being too self-absorbed or conceited. She was outgoing aswell, athletically talented with a beautiful mind underneath. And when she smiled, it reached her eyes, her heart and her soul. No one had smiled like that towards Alex before, especially not recently. The girl was, in other words, perfect.

And Alex was, in other words, completely unravelled by this strange and beautiful girl. She was captivated on every level by her, by her grace and everything she did. She couldn’t not look at her, it would be a crime not to. Her eyes were drawn to the stranger like magnets, like gravity, and it was impossible to look away.

People seemed to notice her as much as Alex did, and she was constantly swarmed with people admiring her closely as Alex did from afar. Fortunately, it just so happened that this new student, Maggie was her name, had the same human bioscience class that Alex did, and Alex was awfully hesitant when her teacher directed Maggie to the only available seat in the class, right next to Alex herself.

The short girl eagerly strided her way to the empty chair, jumped up, then stuck out her hand, enthusiastically chirping, “Maggie Sawyer, pleased to meet you.”

All Alex could do was stare, directly into those big brown eyes, directly into the canyon of those dimples she had dreamed about. She was even more beautiful in person, and Alex was at a complete loss for words. Bless her gay heart. Maggie hesitantly retracted her hand with a frown after Alex made no move to take her hand, too dazzled by the beauty before her.

It was fine though, Alex was doing Maggie and her blossoming status a favour. Maggie was the new hot topic at Lima, and associating with Alex would only catapult her down to the _not_ topic. Alex was content to internally sulk in her seat, wishing the class to be over so she wouldn’t have to constantly notice the girl next to her who kept looking over with worrisome glances.

Once the bell rang, Alex made a beeline for the door, determined to escape the prison of school as fast as she could, and the heated gaze which tracked her, belonging to the owner of those big, brown eyes. That was until she heard her name being mumbled by the few kids who had sat behind herself and Maggie. She slowed just a fraction, keeping just far enough ahead of them in the buzzing corridors so she could vaguely hear what they were saying over the storm of the interclass.

They were walking behind Maggie, engaging with her animatedly. Alex had counted more than five hurtful remarks with her name on them, and with each one, she expected Maggie to laugh, she had expected Maggie to insult her like everyone else did, but she _never_ expected Maggie to react the way she did.

“Good thing she didn’t touch you” one of the kids called.

Maggie turned to him with a serious look, “I’m sorry?”

Another kid leaned in to murmur, “Yeah, she has the cooties, like, _lesbian_ cooties.”

It wasn’t the worst comment Alex had heard, but it hurt all the same, and that’s when _it_ happened. Maggie reacted in an instant, and she yanked the taller of the friends down to her level by the ridiculous tie he wore around his giraffe neck. “You seriously do not want to go there when I have a fist full of your tie. If I so much as hear another peep out of any of you in that class, I’ll sew your lips shut with the scalpel and wire on the back supply desk.”

Alex glanced back just enough to see that the group of friends look positively horrified, and they scampered off as fast as Alex had seen anyone move. Even Alex herself felt intimidated by Maggie’s commanding tone, and she wasn’t even on the receiving end. It might have been an over reaction, but who was Alex to complain? No one had stood up for her like that before, and definitely not to jocks or cheer girls, that was practically a death sentence in high school.

The next day, Alex had been expecting the same treatment she always received from the group of students who sat behind her, if not worse treatment. But upon seeing Maggie enter the classroom, the desk behind her fell quiet.

Maggie, looking satisfied with petrifying the students behind them, offered a small smile to Alex, scooting her chair a slight bit closer to Alex’s, almost protectively. Alex couldn’t help the small smile form on her own face, and the way her heart started beating just a tad bit faster at the gesture.

Over the next few weeks, Alex had learned a few things about Maggie. The first, Maggie was woeful at anatomy, and she often resorted to copying Alex’s homework, and nodding along during class like she understood every word the teacher spoke.

She was convincing in that at least, and held a great poker face when the teacher would ask, “Is there anyone who still doesn’t understand the two processes of transcribing and translating DNA?”

The second, Maggie was an unbelievably talented soccer player, and she was the first sophomore player to be named first string at the beginning of the season in the combined freshman/sophomore team.

And the third, Alex had slowly been falling head over heels for the one person who had treated her like an actual person in that hell hole, the one person who spoke to her like she was a precious piece of China, and who walked her to class so gallantly every day, just waiting to tear apart anyone who looked at Alex the wrong way. That was just the kind of person Maggie was, Alex assumed.

So, Alex hid those feelings away for the sake of their friendship. Maggie was the only friend that Alex had, and even though things had been changing for the better between Alex and Kara since Kara had recently socked one of the jocks, Kara still didn’t attend Lima High. That left Maggie as Alex’s only friend at Lima High, and she would _never_ risk revealing her feelings which could potentially not even be reflected at all, in exchange for her only friend.

It wasn’t until later on in the school year towards the end of the first semester that she had learned a fourth thing about Maggie, she like girls aswell, more accurately, she liked Alex.

Subtle clues were dropped here and there, all of which Alex had been oblivious to, like most things since Maggie entered her life. But Maggie’s feelings became abundantly clear to her one Friday night in early November when the pair were meant to be studying for their bioscience exam.

“I mean, I can’t believe you didn’t notice it sooner, Danvers” Maggie mocked, shoving Alex playfully while she lay upon the Danvers’ large sofa.

The pair had ended up ditching study in exchange for watching re-run episodes of the original 90210 series. It was a fortuitous night because it also happened to be the night Kara had her friend’s slumber party, and Eliza and Jeremiah had date night.

It was increasingly hard to focus on the show however, when Maggie sported an oversized basketball jersey with a matching cap, booty shorts and calf high socks as her choice of attire. Looking back on the scene years later, Alex found it hard to believe how oblivious she actually was to Maggie’s sexuality.

Not that sexuality was confined or stereotyped to certain dress codes, but it was freaking November. Maggie couldn’t have dressed like that for her own self, and Alex was the only person around.

Alex smiled shyly. “You just didn’t strike me as the kind of girl who _liked_ girls” Alex admitted.

“What? I’m just this overly friendly with everybody?” Maggie asked incredulously.

Alex thought for a moment at Maggie’s choice of words. Was she trying to tell Alex something? That she liked her, possibly? Confused, Alex shook the idea away before it turned into something further and eventually disappointed her. She had to remember the promise she made to herself, as hard as it was.

“No I just... so do you like anyone then?” Alex prodded nervously. “There’s plenty of people at Lima who fancy you.”

Maggie smiled smugly, her chocolate eyes disappearing behind that adorable squint that turned Alex gay all over again. “I do have my pick of the bunch, that’s true. But I have my sights set on a special someone” Maggie said quite obviously.

Alex gulped and wiped her sweaty palms on the blanket covering her thighs. Was it getting hot inside? “She must be special then, huh?”

“She is, she has no idea” Maggie said seriously, her eyes never leaving Alex. Then she started slowing inching closer to where Alex was wrapped up on the opposite end of the couch.

Alex felt her heart rate quicken as Maggie crawled to her predatorily, without probably meaning it to be. The girl was just teasing her for sure though, it’s what good friends did to each other. Kara teased her friend Lena all the time, why was this any different?

Alex could feel the bass of her heart buried inside her throat. “Oh... uh... lucky her then” she stuttered. “So, does she go to our school?” Alex asked slightly breathless, shifting backwards from Maggie’s encroaching presence, only to be stopped by the arm of the chair.

Maggie cocked her head. “She does.”

Alex must have looked petrified by that point, because the resulting chuckle that bubbled it’s way from Maggie’s chest was enough to make her heart supernova. “That’s... well I hope it works out, you know? Does she know?” Alex stuttered again, desperately trying to keep the conversation from heading to where it was _definitely_ heading.

It wasn’t so much that she didn’t want to kiss Maggie, because she did, very much so. She had countless dreams of doing so much more to Maggie that kissing seemed almost irrelevant, but Alex had never even kissed a girl before, and Maggie’s confidence suggested that she had many times. What if Alex was bad? Alex didn’t want Maggie up and ditching her because she was inexperienced, or because she wasn’t what Maggie had hoped for.

Alex had a history of letting people down it seemed, and avoiding Maggie’s advances seemed to be the smartest approach if she wanted to keep her friendship with Maggie, let alone anything else.

Maggie had moved so close by that point, and Alex could feel the warmth of Maggie’s breathing fan her face. “I think she has an idea of how I feel, well at least I hope she does now. I have been a little _forward_ with her recently, so I hope my _advances_ were noted.”

Oh that was _smooth_ , that was definitely smooth. Any other day Alex probably would have applauded Maggie, knowing exactly how well Maggie worked her vocabulary to her advantage, but this wasn’t any other day. This was _the_ day, it seemed.

“Are you nervous?” Maggie whispered, only inches away from Alex’s awaiting lips.

The chocolate in Maggie’s eyes had completely disappeared behind her blackened pupils, and Alex was sure her own lighter eyes resembled the same. Her throat was parched, all the blood and fluid in her body having raced to her feet to keep her grounded. All she could do was nod rapidly in response to Maggie’s question.

“Do I make you nervous?” Maggie asked again, her whisper directly beside Alex’s ear now, tickling the sensitive skin on her neck.

Her head was buzzing by that point and she closed her eyes as tight as they would go to stop the world spinning. A gentle heat had pooled in her stomach, something which Alex had never felt before, and the urge to just _release_ was so overwhelming.

She could feel each individual shiver or twitch which racked her limbs, each individual goosebump which rose upon on her impatient body, each individual electrical current which sent a tingling down her spine. Was this what the poets meant when they spoke about sparks flying and hearts igniting?

Because if they did, Alex left those poets for dead. To hell with sparks and igniting, Alex felt like she was going to combust. She mumbled an affirmative after some time of gathering herself.

She felt Maggie’s presence closer than ever, Maggie’s lips ghosting down her exposed neck in the sweetest torture known to man. Then she felt Maggie pull back suddenly, and the warmth disappeared.

When she opened her eyes, Maggie had her signature smirk on, and she spoke the six words that would change Alex’s life forever. “Isn’t it time we changed that?”

“Oh—“ Alex hiccuped as her words caught in the back of her throat from Maggie’s lips pressing against her own.

She prayed Maggie didn’t open her eyes, because if she did, she’d up and leave from that alone. Alex was stuck there, stunned in shock, her eyes wide open and her hands frozen by her sides. Her lids never ceased to move throughout the entire kiss, and it was definitely not how she expected her first kiss with a girl to go, more importantly, her first kiss with Maggie.

Maggie pulled away from the innocent kiss, opening her eyes to see an almost petrified looking Alex. Alex didn’t move however, and Maggie became more worried by the second. She grasped Alex’s face in her hands muttering, “Shit, shit, shit. Alex? Oh shit, you’re not dead are you? I swear to God if you die in our first kiss I will be thoroughly disappointed.”

Maggie continued muttering, giving light slap to Alex’s face to try and gain some kind of reaction from the statue before her. The slap seemed to do the trick, as Alex jolted out of her distant state and back into the world in which her crush just kissed her.

“So you’re saying you like me?” She asked, as though it still weren’t obvious.

It was the first few words that Alex’s brain could mesh together, as if she needed some kind of verbal confirmation just to be sure. It came out a little more playful than she meant it to, and she didn’t know where her new found confidence came from, only that it felt amazing.

Maggie sighed in relief, her shoulders slumping in the process. “Yes, you idiot. Did that not clear things up?”

Alex thought for a moment, then shook her head. “No... no I think I need a little more clearing up” she teased.

Maggie smirked mischievously, then placed one leg over Alex’s thighs so she was effectively straddling her. It wasn’t what Alex was expecting, and the action caused her heart to race like a jack hammer.

She looked up at Maggie, seeing a playful glint those chocolate eyes. Maggie moved closer then, so she was hovering over Alex’s lap, her legs still on either side of Alex keeping her in place. “Do you still need more clearing up?” Maggie husked, reaching down to trail her finger down the side of Alex’s face, her jaw, then down her throat.

Alex could only respond non-verbally, losing all manner of confidence she held seconds ago. Maggie’s weight shifted, then she rested comfortably over Alex’s covered lap. She leaned in slowly then, slower than before and stopped millimetres from Alex’s lips, waiting for Alex to get the hint.

She did this time, and Alex met Maggie half way to share their second kiss. Her arms wrapped around Maggie’s back while their lips glided together innocently, like two timid children learning how to skate. When their lips detached, and Alex looked back to take in Maggie’s beautiful face, she was sure that that was what her future looked like.

* * *

_**Ten Years Ago** _

“Maggie, be careful” Alex groaned, “I didn’t raid my parents storage unit for furniture so you could break it before we even move it to our apartment.”

“Relax, Danvers” Maggie brushed off casually. She sighed, “Besides, the landlord said the apartment is already furnished. So why are we lugging all this furniture up anyway?”

Alex scoffed at Maggie, pushing her weight into the coffee table the pair were carrying to counter Maggie’s balance. “Yeah, furnished to give the residents arthritis and backs pains before the age of thirty.”

Maggie raised a challenging brow. “Everyone who already lives here is at _least_ thirty” She retorted.

Alex grunted, carrying her half of the coffee table up the last few steps to their floor. “That’s not the point. My parents didn’t have to give us the furniture from their last move, so be grateful, you asshat.”

Maggie curtseyed, mocking Alex. “If that’s what milady wants.”

Alex let out a low growl before playfully pushing Maggie onto their new sofa, previously the sofa Eliza and Jeremiah owned. Also, previously their makeup sofa. Alex draped her legs on either side of her girlfriend’s body, and Maggie’s hands fell securely on her girlfriend’s waist.

She looked down into those familiar chocolate eyes that she had come to adore with every fibre of her being the past two years. It was funny how things turned out. Two years ago when she first saw Maggie, Alex never would have expected she would end up atop Maggie, on _their_ makeout sofa, in _their_ new apartment, in _their_ new home.

She never even expected she would be as happy as she was now, but that was the thing with Maggie. The woman surprised Alex, and challenged Alex at _every_ corner, _every_ day. She challenged Alex’s authority and her dominance, she challenged Alex to become a better person each day, and Alex did for both herself and Maggie.

Potentially, if it wasn’t for Maggie, Alex still would have been couped up inside that shell which imprisoned her sophomore self. But it _was_ because of Maggie that she had been able to take the leap she did, and become the person that she did.

Even in ways that Maggie never knew, or would never know, she helped Alex. And Alex was forever grateful for her guardian angel, her girlfriend, _her_ Maggie. It wasn’t something that Alex had ever discussed with Maggie for obvious stalkerish tendencies, also because she knew Maggie would tease her if she ever did mention it, but she used to watch Maggie.

Day in and day out, before she knew who Maggie was, when she knew who Maggie was, even after Maggie had wooed Alex’s gay heart. Just watching Maggie was enough to stimulate a peace within Alex that she couldn’t achieve herself, and when Alex finally did initiate the kiss which changed their relationship forever, she felt weak, yet so incredibly grounded.

She was confident, yet so incredibly intimated by this person who she still thought she knew nothing about. It was everything that Maggie made her feel, and still made her feel in the present which caused Alex to want to make that leap. To want to know Maggie, and have Maggie know her. Fortunately, it did pay off.

Loving Maggie was easy, and it was something that Alex had always found easy ever since her first kiss with her. Perhaps it was the way Maggie was both arrogant and extremely confident, which gave her the ultimate sex appeal. Perhaps it was the way Maggie was soft, and so vulnerable when she needed to be, or the way she laid her heart out on her sleeve for Alex to take without so much as a hesitation.

Perhaps it was the way Maggie both pissed Alex off, yet made her the happiest girlfriend on the planet all at once. Loving Maggie was definitely an interesting experience, because that’s what it was. It was an experience, or journey, whichever works best, but it was always easy, and since the day Maggie entered it, Alex couldn’t imagine her life without Maggie.

However, if there was one thing that could ever rival Alex’s love for her girlfriend on the opposite end of the love/hate spectrum, it would be the way Maggie enjoyed crawling underneath Alex’s skin, teasing her mercilessly every chance she got. It wasn’t at all the good kind of teasing either, it wasn’t at all the teasing which made up part of the reason Alex fell in love with Maggie in the first place

Maggie was a prankster, a joker of sorts and usually it worked in her favour, especially on their senior muck up day. Maggie had royally mucked up and caused the staffing body so much stress on their muck up day not too long ago, and it was hilarious for the entire grade. Rebellion was definitely an alluring quality on Maggie, but all good teasing eventually has to come to an end.

And while their escapades in the the bedroom were full of glorious moments, brimmed to the top with kinky teasing, this was again a different kind of a teasing, a new found teasing that Alex absolutely abhorred. Her parents warned her though, about the ‘domestic plague’, as they liked to call it.

They said it was the period of time that all couples faced upon taking the step of moving in together. It was the period of time where you adjust to your partner in a fully domesticated way, and it was expected that you would noticed at least a dozen things you had either overlooked or hadn’t noticed before, which suddenly became things you absolutely hated.

Realistically it made sense, because it meant you would be confined with your partner domestically for the first time, seeing things you normally wouldn’t, things which maybe your partner had not revealed before.

They also said while it could be a horrid time, depending on the couple, it passed over a short period, which was a good thing for Alex, considering she was about ready to push Maggie off the fire escape on the side of their new apartment.

Moving in hadn’t been so bad, because technically they weren’t ‘living together’, they were in the process of living together. It was when everything had been moved in though, that Alex started to feel the sickness creep inside of her. It was the small things that bugged her, like the way Maggie left the tea towel on the bench, and not on the handle of the oven.

It was the way Maggie left her cups on the sink without rinsing them immediately after use, or the way Maggie left the television remotes hidden underneath the cushions and not on the table. Even the way Maggie would drape her used clothes hanging on the side of the hamper and not actually in it. It was all the things that one would never even think about twice, probably do themselves, that had suddenly taken up every waking thought and frustration in Alex’s mind.

Alex was probably over reacting aswell, as she always had been someone who craved routine and structure, which meant keeping things tidy and in orderly fashion.

Even after Eliza assured Alex it was still only temporary, Alex never expected she would actually begin to miss all those little quirks that reminded her of Maggie’s presence. But she did, especially after Maggie was accepted into the National City cadet program, and was sent away to boot camp in the mountains.

Suddenly all those things that Alex hated, she started wishing she didn’t. She even went to the extremes of hiding the remotes, leaving empty dishes, throwing the tea towel randomly upon the bench, and throwing her clothes out of the hamper in attempt to convince herself that Maggie wouldn’t be gone for six weeks, in attempt to convince herself that Maggie had never actually left.

In the journey of their relationship, that six weeks would become the longest time either of them would spend away from each other. Luckily for the pair, Alex had earned a scholarship to National City University to study bioengineering. Consequently, it meant there wouldn’t be the heart felt “goodbye”’s after graduation, and the inevitable missed and forgotten Skype calls to keep what remained of a long distance relationship in tact.

It wasn’t a permanent absence, Alex knew that, but it didn’t mean she felt any less lonely. For Alex, it was as though she was missing her second half, the Bonnie to her Clyde, the Christina to her Meredith, the Yang to her Yin.

Six weeks was only the beginning though, of what would be the beginning of Maggie’s time consuming career, and like the supportive girlfriend she was, Alex stood by Maggie’s aspirations, because she knew how important becoming an officer was to Maggie. Her grandfather and great grandfather both served as Commissioners in National City before their retirement. Her father had ended up working in the District Attorney’s office, and alongside the mayor of National City.

Even Maggie’s aunt had become one of the youngest female detectives on the force in National City. Becoming an officer was in Maggie’s blood, and Alex was determined to stay positive and supportive, even if it meant not seeing Maggie for six weeks.

Alex liked to think of the challenge as a step forward in her independence, aswell as in her relationship. Moving out was one thing, and at least Alex had Maggie in the beginning. But living completely alone was an entirely different situation, and if Alex couldn’t figure out a way to pass the time, she might’ve gone stir crazy.

Her new friends at university were helpful in creating a domestic company for Alex, even calling Kara a few nights each week helped to keep Alex’s mind occupied and off her girlfriend. The workload she was receiving from her lecturers were both a blessing and a curse, because one, studying took up most of her time. But two, no body _really_ enjoys studying.

Her infrequent calls and letters with Maggie did help slightly, whenever they could talk, but it wasn’t the same as having Maggie with her, nothing could compare. Alex was practically counting down the days on their refrigerator calendar for Maggie’s return.

If there was one thing however, that Alex was very much thankful for that Maggie was temporarily gone, it was the subtle idea her new university colleague, Vasquez, had given her. Six weeks wasn’t just a long time away from each other physically and emotionally, it was also a long time away from their kinky bedroom activities, and knowing Maggie, Alex would be up for quite a few tiring nights when her girlfriend came home.

However, just because the pair hadn’t seen each other in six weeks didn’t mean they hadn’t communicated in six weeks, and it didn’t mean Alex was void of _all_ sexual interaction. So Alex knew very well what Maggie wanted to do when she got home, exhausted or not. Namely, Maggie wanted to do Alex.

Due to their lack of of _physical_ intimacy over the six weeks, the pair had to become creative, and rely on their other senses during their time alone. Although, there was only so long Alex could go without her girlfriend’s touch, and no amount of self achieved orgasm would ever compare to the ones Maggie gave her.

So again, she was counting down the days until her girlfriend’s return. Eventually the day did come though, and with some help from Vasquez, Alex had completely romanticised the apartment for her girlfriend’s arrival.

Maggie had texted Alex earlier telling her she would be catching a ride to their apartment with one of her fellow cadets. This gave Alex and Vasquez the perfect amount of time to spice things up a bit. The lamps were all turned off expect for the small wooden chandelier which had a dull glow. The rest of the apartment was scattered with fire safety candles, twinkling in contrast against the dark backdrop.

There was even scattered rose petals along the polished floors, leading a trail into the bedroom for later activities, which would include blind folds, plastic batons and handcuffs, all for Alex’s special, police cadet girlfriend to use.

A home cooked meal was waiting snuggly in the oven, and Alex was wearing the black dress Maggie had insisted she buy for their date nights. It was a cheesey setup, but romantic none the less, and when Maggie opened the door to the apartment, her jaw hit the floor.

Alex didn’t even have time to give her girlfriend a proper welcome home kiss before Maggie latched onto her, clawing at the dress on her body and kissing her viciously.

“What... about... dinner?” Alex asked in between kisses.

Maggie’s response was an incoherent mumble, not willing to pull herself away from Alex to answer properly. However, Alex could make out enough from Maggie’s response that Maggie wanted to indeed _make out_ , and not eat out. Eating out would come later.

* * *

 

**_Seven Years Ago_ **

The six weeks Maggie had spent away at boot camp had indeed been the beginning of a few hard years to come. After completing her entire six months training, and as a rookie cop, like any rookie, Maggie was given the scut work, and the scut shifts. This meant she was either waking up when the hooligans did near midnight to start her nightly/morning patrol, or she was waking up when the crows did at sparrows fart.

Consequently, this left Alex as either having some very lonesome nights, only to be woken by Maggie crawling into bed before breakfast, or some very lonesome days, with Maggie coming home far to tired to do anything except for sleep. It was like that for a long while, and it was hard on both of them. Particularly with the people Maggie had to encounter as being both a female, and a gay officer.

National City’s criminals weren’t her only problems, and there were many people within the force itself who detested Maggie’s “lifestyle” choices. It made for some very hard times for both Maggie who was the victim, and Alex, who had to console Maggie more times than not. Maggie’s shifts had improved after finishing her rookie year, but not enough to make a considerable difference in her personal and intimate life.

Money was a big problem for them aswell. With Alex working when she could around her full time university schedule, and Maggie working crap hours for a crap salary, the pair were struggling financially. Kara had chipped in with the bills when she started living with the couple, which helped a great deal, but again, Kara was a full time university student too, and her working hours were very limited.

Their break did come though, when Alex was contacted confidentially by a federal agency during her first year. They were looking for exceptional students studying bioengineering to employ temporarily on a major case for research purposes and device manufacturing. Alex, along with her friend Vasquez had been the only two first year students picked to contribute research to the case.

Their confidential work included a grant to which they would be paid for their additional hours outside of their respective study. It was a hell of a lot more than what Alex was making from working at the campus cafe, so she took the position no questions asked.

Her new _internship_ had as many cons as it did pro’s however, namely when her family and Maggie started teasing her about the drug ring they thought she was running at school, simply because she was making a lot more money and couldn’t tell them why apart from, “it’s an internship”. Since she couldn’t say anything else pertaining to what she was actually doing, she let them believe she was up to no good. It was better than having her parents know who she really worked for.

Even Alex didn’t know herself entirely at first, she was afterall an intern. It wasn’t until her internship finished that she discovered exactly who she was working for, but again, it was confidential.

The authoritative side of Alex lived in the luxury of it all. It felt powerful, knowing something which everyone so desperately wanted to know, and Alex got a good kick out of it. Knowing that she could pull out her, “it’s confidential” card had also scored her a few steamy nights with Maggie who had attempted to use seducing techniques to sway Alex into telling her.

The internship, apart from giving Alex excellent resume material and recommendations, to a confidential degree, also meant that they were able to pay for bills and recourses far easier since her taking the job with the agency. In all her years, she hadn’t once regretted her decision to do so, given that she ended up working directly under the Director seven years later.

Their second break came in the form of Maggie’s very own promotion to corporal when Maggie made a high profile arrest after busting an underground drug syndicate in her second year on the job. After that, the captain seemed to appreciate Maggie’s relentless work and started dishing out the horrid shifts to different officers. Maggie was also recognised on national news and in the paper for her arrests, she was even given a medal of honour for her bust, and effectively became the youngest female officer to receive one.

Her promotion meant more respect, more recognition, and also a higher salary to help combat the remaining financial issues the pair were facing.

Occasionally though, the odd thought would jitter around where Alex thought about dropping out after her fourth year with her bachelor, so she could help Maggie financially as much as Maggie had been helping her.

Alex had been officially employed by the agency after the case in her first year, along with Vasquez as they both gave a considerable contribution well past the knowledge of first year students. So if she decided to drop out, it would be to work full time as an agent and not as a student.

It would mean a gargantuan increase in salary which would definitely help the couple in the long run, because that’s what Alex thought about every so often. She knew it was early in their life and early in their careers, but every so often she thought ahead, and towards being able to provide for Maggie, and possibly a child the way Maggie had been providing for Alex during her study.

At the time, it was only a fleeting thought, a thought that made Alex feel giddy inside. But it was a thought none the less, and a recurrent one at that.

* * *

_**Six Years Ago** _

Like aunt, like niece.

It took a lot of convincing from friends and family, but eventually Alex had finally convinced Maggie to do it, to sit the exam for Police Detective.

With Maggie’s stellar arrest record and stellar reputation as one of National City’s top officers, it was hard to decipher why she hadn’t gone after her desired position as detective earlier. She had more arrests than even most ranked detectives in the precinct, and her captain had been urging her to take the exam for months.

As Alex predicted, Maggie passed the exam with flying colours, and she couldn’t be more proud of her girlfriend for finally becoming the person she set out to be upon them moving to National City.

It was the year of change, so it seemed, what with Maggie becoming a fully fledged detective and Mike proposing to his beautiful girlfriend Imra. Even Kara looked as though she was ready to make the next big commitment with her boyfriend Peter.

Everyone was changing and either stepping forward in their lives, or preparing to step forward, all except Alex. Alex was still stuck working confidentially for the government, and still completing her bioengineering degree. Other than that, she didn’t really have much to show for. She was still stuck doing the exact same thing she was doing nearly four years ago.

Almost four years had passed since moving to National City, and Alex, in her mind, was still basically nowhere in her life. In her mind, she hadn’t achieved anything credible yet, but everyone around her seemed to be doing so. Everyone around her seemed to know what they wanted and how to achieve it, but Alex wasn’t sure what exactly she wanted anymore.

Mike and Imra’s engagement was just the tipping point though. The two of them hadn’t even been dating a quarter of the time Alex and Maggie had, and yet they were getting married. Yet, they looked like the picture perfect American calendar family.

Alex tried, she really did to be happy for her friends, and she was for the most part. But she couldn’t help the small pit of jealousy brewing inside her, simply because they had what she desired, and at a younger age aswell. Maggie and Alex hadn’t even spoken of weddings and marriage, let alone starting a family, but there Mike and Imra were, all loved up and in the beginning phase of starting a family. Alex doubted it would be long before Imra eventually became pregnant.

She knew it wasn’t the right time for herself and Maggie though, what with making her classes work and keeping up with investigations, and with Maggie working extra time to accomodate the fact that Kara had basically moved out. They were going at one hundred miles per second and that was not an environment to start a family in, but even a conversation about it wouldn’t hurt. It wouldn’t hurt for Maggie to at least mention something about marriage or a family, God knows Alex already had.

It wouldn’t have to be an oath or promise, but maybe a reassurance that Maggie had thought about it too, and it wasn’t just Alex. That maybe having children and raising a family were an option for them down the track, but Maggie had taken it as a humorous comment, not something serious, which bugged Alex. Because in another four years time they would almost be thirty, the age she made fun of when moving into the house they lived in.

Time felt like her enemy, time felt like it was escaping her, and it just wasn’t fair. It was unfair because somewhere deep down, Alex knew that her friends, who were younger than her, were doing the things she wished she had already done, they were achieving things she wished she had achieved. She was envious and jealous of them because while they were starting their futures and moving with the world, Alex was stuck to the earth in the exact same spot she had been years ago.

Life was happening to them, but life _wasn’t_ happening to Alex. Alex can’t even remember what her aspirations were when she moved to National City, let alone if she even had any. Maggie wanted to be a detective and she had achieved that, Kara wanted to be a reporter and she was achieving that, Vasquez was definitely wanting to be an engineer and she was achieving that too. Even Mike wanted to be a football player, but instead he got a family, which was much better by comparison.

But Alex? Did she even _want_ to be a bioengineer? Or was it just something she thought she wanted to do, to follow in Eliza’s footsteps. The fast pace working as an agent was definitely something Alex enjoyed, but she wasn’t sure whether it was a career to accomodate the future that she thought about. Maybe this was just her midlife crisis catching up to her.

The more Alex thought about it though, the more a singular word rested in the back of her throat. She knew what she wanted, didn’t she? At least she had thought she did, until her crisis snuck up on her. Maybe that was why Alex was still stuck in a rut, still not complete even with everything she had going for her.

There was no doubt what she was doing was rewarding in all senses, but were they rewarding in the ways Alex wanted them to be? There was still one thing completely out of sight, and completely out of reach which simply wasn’t fulfilled with what she was doing at the point in time. Everybody deserves at least a little self fulfilment in their lives, but where was Alex’s?

It was too early to create a stink about it, with all things considered, but Alex liked to think that Maggie thought about what came next just as much as she did. Alex sure thought about it, a lot more than she should have.

They weren’t getting any younger, and life would only continue to pass by. Life doesn’t just happen to people, people happen to life, and people had to be a part of it to achieve what they wanted.

Seeing her friends in their success made Alex happy, it truly did, but it also made her realise that she didn’t want to miss the boat when it left the harbour. She didn’t want to wait too long for something to happen, hoping for it to happen, only for it to disappear because she’d been too afraid to reach out and take it herself.

It was all Alex could think of, life’s too short, so seize the opportunities while they’re there. Even if it’s the last thing you expected, you have to take what you want from life. It was something Jeremiah had always stressed on his children. Only _you_ can be the author of your own life, and only _you_ get to choose how the story goes.

If only life proved a little longer for some people, though. If only people had more time to do the things they wanted, if only Jeremiah had that time aswell.

The untimely news of her father’s death left Alex in a noxious state, and once again, she found herself spiralling down into the tunnel of pain. It was ironic in a sense, that Alex had been so focused on her future and a family, that she forgot to notice the family around her while they were still alive. Life really was too short.

* * *

 

_**Four Years Ago** _

Learning to live with the loss of a parent was like learning to live without an arm. Your legs are for your friends, who hold you up, keep you standing, and keep you moving. They are both your anchor when you need it, and keep your life raft, keeping you afloat when you’re drowning.

Your heart is for your family and for the person you love, because it belongs to them. Your heart beats because of them, with them, and for them. Your heart is a vessel, possessed by your love, and the love you receive.

But your arms are for your parents, because every time you reach, they will catch you. They will hold onto you as you hold on to them, and they will only let you go when you’re ready to let go.

All Alex wanted to do was reach, and every time she did, only Eliza was there to catch her. Jeremiah would never be able to catch her again. While Alex’s heart continued to beat for her father, his did not beat for hers, not anymore.

It had been a rough time, a very rough time for Alex. Maggie had done all she could for Alex, and Kara had helped her bit too, but everybody’s experience was different. Kara’s loss was not Alex’s loss, even Eliza’s loss was not Alex’s loss. Kara had lost her adoptive father, the person who took her in when she had no one else and nowhere else to go. Eliza had lost her second half, the man she vowed to love for eternity, and Alex had lost the person who brought her into the world, the person who raised her.

Alex remembered the day as vividly as though it were yesterday. The way Kara had sprinted into her and Maggie’s room, the way Kara’s face conveyed all she needed it to without actually needing to say anything. Alex recognised that look in her line of work, and Maggie did too, as did Kara from her own experiences.

After the crying stopped, it was a very quiet night, and a very quiet set of months following Jeremiah’s funeral. Alex would hear a phantom laugh whenever she watched a comedy show she just knew Jeremiah would’ve loved. She would smell a phantom scent of Jeremiah’s cologne whenever she fitted her suit for work, knowing Jeremiah would’ve straightened her jacket or fixed her collar.

Jeremiah was everywhere, and he was nowhere. But his spirit lived on inside Alex, and the importance of family only seemed to take up a much more larger part of Alex’s thoughts and life, because she knew that family was the most important aspect of Jeremiah’s life, and he always stressed the importance of family.

If anything, Jeremiah’s passing only proved that a person’s tomorrow is not guaranteed, and it made Alex think, if her tomorrow was the last tomorrow, where would she want to be?

Jeremiah’s passing was as much a tragedy as it was an awakening for Alex. It also seemed as if the universe had been sending Alex signals aswell, as if it had been telling her that she wasn’t selfish or crazy. As if it had been telling her that she was right all along, and maybe her time was near to finally have what she wanted. Maybe everything was the way it was meant to be, as tragic as it was, perhaps there was a lesson, or an encouragement from some higher power who had been rooting for Alex all along.

Other people seemed to notice it aswell, especially Imra, who was the proud mother of two new baby girls. The baby shower for the Matthew’s had been a raging success, and it was possibly one of Alex’s favourite memories after Jeremiah’s passing.

The day of the shower, she spent most of her time with the baby girls, holding them, even feeding them as they hadn’t taken to natural breast feeding. Imra had made more than few comments praising Alex’s calm, protective and motherly nature around the baby girls. It must have been true, because the babies were always settled around Alex, and Alex knew babies could sense when a person felt tense or uncomfortable.

Maggie on the other hand didn’t have much luck with the girls, as the second she held one, the baby started crying. Maggie herself looked pretty out of place aswell and was very hesitant in engaging with the babies in the first place. Alex tried not to look too much into it because not everyone has the ability to be calm and relaxed around babies. Babies are tiny, fragile human beings who need all the love and responsibility in the world, it would be easy to become overwhelmed by it all.

Some people just aren’t baby people, and Alex hoped that was just the case, that Maggie just had to warm up to the little things before she felt more at ease. Alex never would have guessed the real reason behind Maggie’s reservations, so she just assumed the best in her girlfriend.

After all, Maggie had never expressed specifically that she didn’t want children, so perhaps it was just a case of unfamiliarity. An unfamiliarity that Alex hoped could be changed in the near future.

* * *

_**One Year Ago** _

It was the second time she had mentioned something, and Maggie had actually listened. Probably because Alex had been more upfront about it this time, and she hadn’t skirted her way around the conversation like she had in previous years.

She didn’t know what actually inspired her to put her foot down this time, perhaps it was because she had been looking after Kara’s dogs while her sister was in Kiribati. It was the first time Alex had been fully responsible over something greater than herself, the first time she had been responsible over another life, two lives.

Kara’s dogs certainly gave Alex‘s hypothetical family a run for its money, looking after Lexa and Schnitzel was utterly exhausting the longer Kara spent away.

When Kara did come home, a massive weight from lifted from Alex’s shoulders, but she also felt something else, like she had lost something. Alex would be lying if she denied that looking after Kara’s dogs was like a trial run for having a family, because it was.

And when the dogs did leave, it felt far too real and far too emotional. That had to mean something, something serious, and it left something inside of Alex, something cold and empty.

She had Maggie, Kara, Eliza, her friends, her career, her degree, and a roof over her head, so why all of a sudden did she feel like it wasn’t enough? Why did she still feel like something was missing, even though she had so much already? Why did she suddenly start to feel this way just because Kara had come home and taken _her_ dogs?

It wasn’t Jeremiah. Alex had long since come to terms with her father’s loss, and she adapted to the hole that losing him left in her world. But there was another hole that kept on growing slowly, deeper and deeper even before Kara’s return home, and it couldn’t be filled no matter what Alex tried to fill it with. Maggie had been her solution to everything in the past, but not even Maggie could fill this hole.

Not even Maggie knew the way Alex was feeling, because Alex was afraid of what Maggie would think or do if she knew Alex was having these thoughts. Maggie would think she wasn’t enough, Maggie would think she had done something wrong, and a whole new load of unnecessary conflict would be created.

It was something different, something unfamiliar, yet it sat gnawing at the back of Alex’s mind day in and day out. Alex was positive though, that she knew exactly what it was, how could she not? She had only been dwelling on the topic for years. But years ago it was fantasy and desire, something to look forward to when their lives weren’t as busy, when they could actually afford to raise a family.

Now though, it was very much a real topic, because Alex could do all those things. She was now in a position where she could raise a family alongside Maggie, where all those potential possibilities could become reality instead. And as much as Alex was positive about it, she wasn’t positive about the implications it could have on her relationship with Maggie. She wasn’t positive on where Maggie stood on the topic.

They spoke a lot in their relationship, and communication pathways were always open. Alex attributed that to why they had stayed together for so long, why they were still so connected with each other. Lately though it seemed they weren’t talking about the things that needed to be discussed, they were instead sweeping it under the bed for another few more years.

So when it became the second time she mentioned it, it was also the first time Alex ever felt a spectre of doubt in her relationship with Maggie. She felt doubt in whether or not it was something Maggie honestly wanted, or whether she could consider it. Even whether or not Alex herself would be willing to just drop all these thoughts and feelings that had been recurring for years if she needed to.

The longer she thought about it, the more doubt seeped it’s way in and the less likely it seemed she could.

“Have you ever thought about it?” Alex asked, rubbing her hand cream over her knuckles.

Maggie looked up into the mirror, staring at Alex’s reflection. “Thought about what, babe?”

“About us?” Alex asked shyly. “About... I don’t know... having a family or getting married?”

A quiet sigh was heard from the bathroom, and Alex looked over to see Maggie frowning in the reflection. “I have.”

Maggie’s answer was clipped and monotone, almost irritable. “ _And?_ ” Alex prodded.

“ _And_ , I’ve thought about it” Maggie responded again in a clipped tone.

Alex sighed to herself. “Why is this such a difficult subject to talk about?”

“It’s not” Maggie defended, slamming her hands down on the basin harder than necessary.

“Apparently it is” Alex countered with just as much aggravation. “Do you... do you not want a family? Is that something that frightens you?”

Maggie considered Alex’s question for a minute, and Alex knew that Maggie was reflecting on her own experiences as a child. Maggie hadn’t had the best of upbringings growing up. Her father was both an alcoholic and abusive to Maggie and her mother, and after coming out as being gay, Maggie had been shunned and kicked out of home by both her parents.

She was an orphan, but not by common standards.

Maggie had a rough couple of years in foster homes until she found a family of four who wanted to take her in and offer her a better life, the same family who lived in Lima when adopting Maggie. It was something Maggie rarely spoke about with other people, even Alex hadn’t found out of Maggie’s past until well into their relationship. But it was something which always stuck with her and followed her like a shadow. Because of that, family had always been a sensitive topic.

Maggie avoided answering Alex’s question, as though she knew a truthful answer would end up hurting Alex. “I know how shit the world can be, Alex. I wouldn’t wish that on any child. And I wouldn’t wish what I had gone through on anyone either.”

“Without thinking for a second about how shit the world can be, have you thought about it otherwise? I mean... I would like to try... we aren’t getting any younger” Alex sighed.

Maggie finished up in the bathroom, then observed Alex from against the door frame. “I mean, it’s something I’m open to talking about, marriage is. But you know we don’t need to spend thousands of dollars for a ceremony and wear expensive rings just to prove that we love each other, right?” Maggie joked, stepping forward and hiking a knee onto the bed.

Alex chuckled, looking away from Maggie’s seducing smirk, something which never failed to make her stomach flutter. “I know, but it’s the meaning behind it. What about a family?” Alex asked hopefully.

Maggie’s demeanour instantly became a little more serious and less playful. Her smirk was replaced with a tense smile and the glint in her eyes transformed into a cool gaze. “Look, I’m really tired. Do you think we could talk about this some other time?”

Alex nodded in defeat, not wishing to discuss anything else on the matter, not in the moment anyway. She manoeuvred herself under the duvet and rolled on her side away from Maggie, a distaste settling in her mouth. She felt Maggie’s body slide up behind her second later, then Maggie’s fingers ghosting over her hips.

Next came a warm breath on her neck when Maggie whispered, “I love you?”

The fact that it sounded like a question was enough to flip Alex’s body over and on top of Maggie. “I. Love. You.” Alex punctuated with kisses to Maggie’s lips.

Maggie’s body relaxed underneath Alex. “You know I always want to make you happy? I never want to be the reason you’re unhappy, Al” Maggie said sincerely.

“I know” Alex whispered, kissing Maggie once more.

She felt Maggie smile against her lips. “I’m trying...” Maggie whispered in return, almost ashamed.

“I know” Alex repeated, “I know you are. Let’s just talk some other time, okay?”

“Okay.”

* * *

_**Four Months Ago  
** _

They hadn’t spoken of it since, not really. The conversation was just left hanging in the air for months, untouched and unfinished. Alex had wanted to talk, but it seemed Maggie was intent on avoiding the subject for as long as she possibly could. Either that or she had forgotten it even happened in the first place.

Alex couldn’t decide which was worse, whether Maggie was intentionally avoiding the subject because she didn’t want to deal with it or the building tension around the subject. Or, whether she had simply forgotten because it didn’t mean anything to her, because what Alex thought about and wanted didn’t matter to her.

Alex was at breaking point with the way Maggie wasn’t handling the situation, or rather, _not_ handling it. Alex was tempted to just bite the bullet and bring it up, conflict and arguments be damned. She had to be sure Maggie knew just how important the subject was for Alex, a concept she didn’t seem to grasp yet.

She just wanted Maggie to take initiative on it though, because at least if Maggie did, it meant she had been thinking about it too, it meant that it had been keeping her up at night aswell, and it meant that she actually cared.

But the decision was taken out of both of their hands when Maggie stumbled across something she shouldn’t have. Alex should have been more careful, she should have made sure her tabs were closed before closing their computer. But that hadn’t been the case, and Maggie had opened up their browser to see multiple tabs open to adoption clinic’s around National City, aswell as a few fertility clinic’s.

From there stemmed the couple’s biggest argument to date. They had arguments before, like any couple does. But by comparison, they were picnic arguments. What they didn’t realise was that the arguments would only get worse from there, and that Maggie had stumbled upon the catalyst which initiated the demise of their relationship.

Maggie was right in some sense with what she said during their arguments, Alex should have told her. After all, starting a family or looking to start a family was a decision that a couple makes together, and Alex knew that. She knew she had gone behind Maggie’s back on that one, but what was she meant to do?

Any time they had even begun a conversation, it was over before it started, and Maggie was making no effort to instigate the conversations again. Alex felt completely and utterly abandoned on the topic, she felt like she was the only one actually in the problem, whereas Maggie was on the outside observing and avoiding.

It wasn’t like Alex was submitting forms and details to adopt, either. It was a curiosity search for avenues she could potentially take. Avenues that she wanted to take, because Alex was sick of waiting for permission. Maybe what Maggie needed was a little push to show that Alex was as serious as stone. Alex just never expected it to work against her favour.

* * *

 

_**One Month Ago** _

How did it get so bad so quick? How did any of it manage to happen?

Alex had been so careful, so incredibly careful in her approach not to mess up the greatest thing she had in her life. It was the last thing she ever wanted, and it remained the last thing she wanted through all of it.

She had trod so carefully around her fragile relationship with Maggie, and held it with gentle hands. Everything she did was in effort to stop them tearing each other apart, but more importantly, from tearing apart from each other.

But everything got so out of hand so fast that Alex couldn’t even remember how it began or where it began, she only knew where she ended up, and where she wished she’d ended up.

“I don’t want to have a baby, Alex” Maggie said firmly, her voice breaking some.

It had been their longest argument yet of back and fourth, back and fourth. They were still yet to get anywhere, and Alex was still yet to hear Maggie say it. She needed to hear it, she needed those words to fall from Maggie’s lips to remind her of how everything got so bad, why everything got so bad, and why they couldn’t fix it.

“That’s fine. I mean I can... I can carry or we can adopt?” Alex suggested, still ever hopeful.

Maggie shook her head in distaste, her face setting on a deep scowl. “You’re not understanding, I _do not_ want kids, I _do not_ want to be a mother. I just don’t, and if you force me, I will resent you. I will _never_ be the mother you want me to be, the mother our kid will deserve simply because I won’t want them.”

“Maggie, I feel like you’re not even considering this! You’re not even considering how _I_ feel!” Alex cried.

“Oh I have, trust me, I have” Maggie said bluntly, pacing between the table and the front door. “But it’s _you_ who’s not listening to me.”

Alex, mirroring Maggie’s pacing, stopped abruptly to look at her girlfriend in disbelief. “ _Really?_ Cause it seems like you’ve just decided you don’t want a family, and to hell with what I want” Alex snapped, throwing her hands in the air on emphasis.

Maggie snapped back, startling Alex with her outburst. “ _I_ have a family! _We_ have a family! _You_ are my family Alex, _we_ are family, and we don’t need a child to prove that. Is that what a child means to you?” Maggie asked pointedly. “Tell me, please, why do you want a kid? Why is it so important to you? There has to be a reason.”

“What do you mean ‘why’? That’s unfair” Alex defended, the space between the pacing pair only increasing with their progressing argument.

“ _Why?_ Because it’s a real question, or because you don’t actually know why you want children so badly. You’ve considered having children, fair, but have you ever sat down and considered _why?_ ” Maggie challenged, glaring at Alex expectantly.

“I... I want a family, Maggie” Alex stuttered. “I want to be responsible for something greater than myself. I can’t explain it. Why do you wake up in the morning?” Alex asked, her hands on her hips in an authoritative pose.

“Because I have a job. I need to make money so we can continue living in this apartment, so we can pay bills and eat” Maggie answered, like it was the obvious answer.

Alex gave a small smirk in victory. “That’s the expected answer, but _why?_ Because you’ve done it for so long that it’s second nature, right? That waking up and starting work at night time while going to bed in the morning would just be absurd, unless your job called for it.”

Maggie sighed, “What’s your point?”

“My point is, I’ve been feeling this way for a long, _long_ time, Maggie. So long that it has become a part of me, and I can’t deny it no matter how hard I try. I want a child, it’s that simple” Alex admitted, almost pleadingly.

There was a beat of silence between them as Maggie contemplated her response. It was starkly different to the rapid fire of their heated argument. “Am I not enough? For years... have I not been enough for you?”

Alex dropped her head in defeat and started picking at her nails in a classic Kara nervous habit. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Maggie” She said guiltily.

“The truth. I want the truth. Am I not enough for you?” Maggie demanded.

Alex shook her head. “Lately... you haven’t been. But it’s not you, I promise you that. I love you so much, Maggie. You have always been enough, but it’s me who wants more” Alex rambled, as though it would make a difference.

“So that’s it then? I’m not enough for you anymore?” Maggie almost whispered, dejectedly.

Alex cocked her head and swallowed the lump in her throat. “Maggie... _you_ _are_ , but I just need a little more. I need to know if you can give me that?”

“Or _what_ , huh?” Maggie snapped angrily. “You’re going to break up with me because I don’t want a daughter? Or a son?”

“All options are being considered...” Alex responded, avoiding eye contact once again.

Maggie clicked her tongue in disappointment. “ _Wow_... you play the professional card. Well, you can consider them alone. I think I’m going to spend a few nights with Marlough from the station, just so you can _consider_ your options.”

The resulting slam of the door had indeed told Alex that Maggie had left, and for the first time in their relationship, Alex let Maggie leave without trying to stop her.

If you asked Alex ten years ago where she wanted to be and what she wanted to be ten years later, she probably would have said, “living with Maggie” and “a doctor.”

At least she was half right. She was still technically living with Maggie, but she got the ‘what’ part wrong. She was also still technically a doctor, but for the most part, she was alone. She was living with Maggie, but she was alone.

So Alex back tracked, desperately trying to figure out where everything went wrong, how it went wrong, and it all pointed to one thing, the one thing above all else she couldn’t, nor wouldn’t change.

That’s how it started, and that’s how it ended. It would have ended sooner, but Alex was nostalgic, and thought it bad to just throw away years of history. Instead, she subjected herself to the anger, the pain and the guilt, everyday for months.

It only got worse as time progressed and as more of their relationship fell apart. Both girls were just too stubborn to call it, still too hopeful to call it. So they continued to subject themselves daily to the hardships, as a penance almost for their wrong doings to each other, not that they really had any.

They just wanted different things, and it took them twelve years to figure out. They were twelve years too late, had twelve years of memories, twelve years of built up adoration, and twelve years to say goodbye too.

* * *

**_Present Time_ **

There was a dull ringing in her ears and her vision had long since blurred up from tears that fell like an artery bleeding out. She didn’t know how long she had been sitting there, apparently long enough for both their untouched coffee’s to turn stone cold.

Stone cold. That was an apt description of the way Alex felt. Her climbs cracked through a rusted stiffness when she stood with the coffee cups, walking to the kitchen on auto-pilot to empty the cups into the sink.

Her hands then fell to the hand towel hanging on the oven handle, one of Maggie’s ideas since paper towels weren’t adequate enough when drying off. Again, Alex felt the familiar enclosing of her throat, the tightness in her chest and the wetness trail down her cheeks. It was yet another thing that would remind her of what she had just lost.

She had left the coffee cups on the sink, debating whether to wash them, or not. She decided she would, then she hung the hand towel back on the oven. Her weight then fell to her hands against the countertop and her head hung low as more tears stained the marble bench.

She must have stood there a while, motionless as time went by and the earth spun without her. The sun was well above it’s morning arc, and it’s rays bled through the blinds of the kitchen window, shedding warmth upon Alex’s skin where her blood ran cool underneath.

There were no messages or missed calls on her phone, nothing from her friends or Kara about the night prior. It was a good thing Alex guessed, at least it meant things with Kara and Lena had gone well, afterall the pair had gone back to Kara’s apartment.

She was glad though, that there was no news about Kara’s ventures. It would hurt too much to hear of Kara’s success and happiness with Lena while simultaneously living in her own crumbled relationship. It would be just another line to add to the list of things other people had that Alex wanted.

Only in Alex’s case, things could have gone a lot differently. Maybe in an alternate universe or something, but this universe was her reality, and reality was that she had no children, and now no Maggie. Reality _sucked_.

Alex kept herself as busy as she could for the remaining hours of the day, cleaning the floors, the bedroom, the bathroom, the laundry and pantry. She avoided the closet and drawers at all cost, because almost every one of them had something belonging to Maggie, or contained a memory or reminder of their relationship.

That’s all Alex had left, just the memory of Maggie and what it felt like to be with Maggie. What it felt like to hold Maggie, to touch her, to kiss her, to hear her laugh or see her smile. All it was were memories.

The last thing she expected was for Maggie to enter the apartment in the late evening, given the way she had left, and looking as though she had spent the day drowning herself in tears and alcohol. She wasn’t drunk, but she wasn’t sober.

When Alex used to look into Maggie’s eyes, all she saw was a sea of adoration and devotion. A woman she would do anything for, and who would do anything for Alex. But when she looked into Maggie’s eyes now, she saw a shadow of that person. She saw a shell of the woman Maggie used to be behind those glassy eyes.

Alex did that.

“I didn’t think you would come home anytime soon” Alex spoke softly, being the first to break the tension between them.

Maggie’s gaze averted from Alex and did a once over of the apartment. Her lips subconsciously twitched up into the tiniest of smiles. Alex noticed. “You cleaned.”

It was more of a statement than a question, and Alex let out a gust of air she didn’t realise she was holding in until the burning wail of her chest demanded her to. “I had to keep busy somehow.”

Maggie nodded in understanding, then stepped forward cautiously. “I know. I actually came to pack a few things. I think we both need a few days to collect ourselves, until we make this official. I would like that, if you would too?”

“Of course. I think that some time will be good” Alex agreed, stepping forward aswell.

They both continued to inch closer to each, entering each other’s space so they were only centimetres apart. Maggie’s previously cool demeanour was exchanged for a fond smile, as though she were trying to memorise Alex they way Alex had before, as though she were trying to remember what it felt like when everything was okay.

“I’m scared” Alex shrugged. “I don’t know... I’m not used to being alone. What do we do?”

Maggie reached out tentatively to brush a stray lock of hair behind Alex’s ears, giving Alex a stern look that said ‘you’re not alone’. “We go to the wedding, because they’re our friends, and we love them. We also don’t have a choice. I can book a different room if you like?”

Alex chuckled, turning her head into Maggie’s soft hand. Her own hand came up to clasp around Maggie’s own, and she pressed a light kiss into Maggie’s palm. “I mean after. What do we do?”

Maggie’s fingers stroked against Alex’s cheek lovingly, and she moved just a bit closer. “Whatever you want. I love you Alex, I have loved you every day since the day I first laid my eyes upon you, and I will continue to love you every day to come. People change, and we changed, but that will never change. I can’t be the person to hold you back anymore. Someone out there wants what you want, but I’m not that person, not anymore. I’ll clear out the rest of my belongings in a couple days, and I’ll stay with Marlough until I can find somewhere permanent.”

“Will you still come to thanksgiving?” Alex asked shyly.

A soft smile spread across Maggie’s face, and her chocolate eyes hide from view beneath the puff of her cheeks, just the way Alex loved. “If you want me to.”

Alex nodded surely, squeezing Maggie’s hand still clutched to her face. “I do. It will help me feel normal.”

“Then I’ll come.” Maggie assured.

An unspoken question rested between them, and both girls seemed to know what it was. Both girls wanted it, and both girls needed it as a reminder that everything can be okay, and it will be okay.

Alex nodded lightly, catching the way Maggie gazed at her curiously. Maggie nodded in return, then stretched upwards on her tiptoes to press a soft kiss to Alex’s lips. Her free hand came up to support Alex’s other cheek, and she gently caressed the skin there as her lips caressed Alex’s.

They kissed each other like it was their first kiss, and like it was their last kiss combined.

When they broke apart, the sadness still remained, as did the pain, it would for a long time to come. But the guilt was gone, and hope took it’s place. This may have been the end of their chapter together, but it was not the end for them both. Their stories had only just begun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took longer because I realised that while AgentReign was the popular vote for the readers, I know people will feel let down about Sanvers. So I wrote this additional chapter and I dedicate this to you guys who voted Sanvers. I hope this was okay and is enough for you guys to know that I love Maggie and Alex like my own two babies (chocolate Labradors).
> 
> I might have teared up a little writing this when taking scenes from the show, so I dont know if it was emotional for you guys to read but parts were definitely emotional to write. Further apologies, and a reminder that Maggie will always be Alex’s home, but they just can’t be there for each other in the way they need now.
> 
> I had to make a few alterations in previous chapters (shouldn’t be noticeable) just so this chapter can flow a little easier. If there are any points that don’t add up to past chapters, please remember I started this fiction in February so my train of thought was a lot different back then. Also if there are any mistakes,,let’s just assume Alex’s timeline matches with Kara’s from the Kara-centric chapter.
> 
> I’d also like to say that Alex and Maggie pretty much have a two year lead on where I began the initial story with Kara in chapter 1, and since Kara’s time jump ended with “Nine Years Later”, it’s now closer to 10 years at the present with it being December almost. So let’s assume that everything makes sense because I spent too long being paranoid about it :/
> 
> Supercorp continues next chapter so stay tuned for the morning of and thankyou for your patience with me. ;) ;)
> 
> P.S. I highly recommend listening to Cloud - Elias. That man’s voice is incredibly moving and the song will literally make you cry after a few drinks.


	20. Look After You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There now, steady love, so few come and don't go  
> Will you won't you, be the one I always know?  
> When I'm losing my control, the city spins around  
> You're the only one who knows, you slow it down
> 
> If ever there was a doubt  
> My love she leans into me  
> This most assuredly counts  
> She says most assuredly
> 
> Oh, oh  
> Oh, oh  
> Be my baby  
> I'll look after you  
> After you

_Warmth_. That’s the first thing she felt. The warmth of another body nestled firmly behind her under the duvet.

 _Pressure_. That’s the second thing she felt. The pressured weight of an arm wrapped around her waist, preventing her from moving.

 _Comfort_. That’s the third thing she felt. The comfort of another presence in her immediate vicinity, keeping her company throughout the night.

 _Adoration_. That’s the fourth thing she felt. The adoration when she looked over her shoulder to find Kara sleeping blissfully behind her as soft snores occasionally left her lips.

 _Overwhelming_. That’s the sixth thing she felt. The overwhelming realisation that last night was not just a dream or a fantasy, that last night had _actually_ happened. That last night, she spent the night with Kara in the most intimate of ways without actually being _intimate_.

Overwhelmed that she was brought right back to _that_ night years and years ago, except now, Kara hadn’t left. In fact, Kara was the one preventing Lena from leaving with her arm wrapped so tightly and securely around Lena’s midsection, almost as if she had loosened by any amount, Lena might slip away and never return.

It was the strangest feeling, waking up next to someone. For years Lena had slept alone, only her and no one else. She had grown accustomed to the solitude it brought her, particularly on stressful nights, or nights she felt like she hated the world and everyone in it. But she had never grown accustom to the loneliness it brought her each morning she woke up alone in her empty bed.

That seemed to vanish when she woke up next to Kara, and she was instantly relieved that it was Kara next to her, no one else. She was instantly relieved that she didn’t feel alone anymore, far from it.

She had to double check, just to make sure she wasn’t still dreaming, that she was actually there next to Kara and it wasn’t a fantasy, or even the afterlife for that matter.

Who knows? They could have been held up and murdered last night on their way home and Lena would never even know. But if this really was heaven, Lena wasn’t so sure she wanted to leave anytime soon.

Afraid of waking the sleeping beauty behind her, Lena shifted to the front once more, and let the overwhelming feelings of warmth, pressure, comfort and adoration lull her back into a blissful peace.

The second time she woke was to none of the same feelings, but a different feeling altogether, hunger. Groggily, Lena flopped into an upright position and observed her surroundings.

She was there, still in Kara’s open room, still lying in Kara’s bed in what looked to be Kara’s NCU sweatshirt. Lena hadn’t even remembered getting changed earlier in the morning when they staggered into the apartment. She assumed Kara must have sobered up quicker, and changed her at some point.

Although she couldn’t remember getting dressed, or how she ended up in Kara’s bed, she _did_ remember one thing. One very important detail which took precedence above every other memory of last night. One very important thing which stood out like a beacon in a sea of darkness, like a light house signalling solid grown.

Kara kissed her. A lot... _a lot_ a lot.

Lena brought her fingers up, ghosted them over her lips as she remembered Kara’s touch, and Kara’s taste. Her vision was swamped with flashing memories of the night before, like a projection in her mind. A smile instantly pulled to her face and settled there while Lena lived in the euphoria of her memories.

Kara had kissed her, and she had kissed Kara, and Kara almost took her on the kitchen table.

Lena smirked, remembering Kara’s desperation from the night before. It made her heart swell that Kara wanted her, much like she wanted Kara some time ago, much like she wanted Kara again now. Despite the intoxication, a drunk heart is always an honest heart, and once a fond heart, always a fond heart.

There was no getting over Kara. Lena never really had, despite how much she told herself she did. While on the surface she had, Kara, and her feelings for Kara had always remained buried deep inside of her, just waiting for their time to live on the surface again.

And now, they finally did.

A rattle from the kitchen jarred Lena from her trance, and she sat stiffly upright, more than awake, and more than aroused at the mental images having just gone through her mind.

She looked down beside her to see a shallow indent in the sheets from where Kara’s body was. Lena felt a chill at her back from where she remembered Kara’s body was aswell, and she missed the feeling of the other girl almost desperately.

It was funny to think of how independent and ruthless Lena was less than six months ago, compared to who she was now. Then, she was the cut throat CEO who took no-nonsense, barely smiled at anyone she employed to keep up her reputation, she certainly wasn’t desperate for anything, and she certainly didn’t need anything.

But now, she smiled at the people she worked with, she bought them coffee’s most mornings, she was more relaxed, happy, and joyous about life. Most of all though, she was desperate, and desperate for Kara. It was obvious she could attribute all that she had become recently to Kara’s arrival back in her life.

Kara had a way of embedding her own euphoric personality in others, which eventually rubbed off on everyone around her. Life had become simply better since Kara came back in her life, and Lena would be a fool to deny it. Whether it was biological, chemical, or something that transcended the understanding of human behaviour, it was _real_.

And for Lena, it felt good to finally be okay. To finally be happy, and to let someone in. It felt good to feel for someone, and to have them feel for her in return. It wasn’t something she was used to after all those years alone, but it was something she welcomed with open arms. Particularly because it came from Kara, particularly because it _was_ Kara.

Another rattle from the kitchen caught her attention, and the familiar smell of waffles and coffee bean drifting through the open room was enough to warm Lena’s senses back up. As was the gentle singing coming from kitchen, presumably Kara, over the muffled pitch of the portable radio she kept on her bench.

Lena crawled out of bed and made her way to the small bathroom connected to Kara’s room. She freshened up and fixed her hair so it wasn’t a circus explosion. She observed Kara’s NCU sweatshirt which clung to her body tighter than it would to Kara.

She liked it, _a lot_. It only solidified the fact that she had spent the night with Kara, after all, borrowing and sharing clothes was a universal sign that practically screamed ‘couple’.

 _Couple_.

The word ran around Lena’s mind like a track athlete on speed. Is that what they were now? They _had_ spent the night together, they _had_ done more than just kiss, and Lena _was_ wearing Kara’s clothes after Kara _had_ invited her over and presumably removed the clothes Lena was _already_ wearing. Thank goodness she had worn her complimenting lingerie, but still.

 _Couple_.

Was it even something that had to be discussed to define their relationship, or lack there of? If they didn’t, did that mean they weren’t a couple? Or should it just be assumed they were, given current circumstances and recent history?

The last thing Lena wanted to do was to freak Kara out after she had only just gotten Kara back. The last thing she wanted was have a repeat of ten years ago when Lena couldn’t keep her mouth shut. Maybe she could just wait for Kara to mention something.

That seemed like the safer option, then again, there was no guarantee Kara would mention anything at all. She probably hadn’t even given it a lick of thought because that’s not who Kara was. Kara was never the sort of person to over analyse things, or look too deep into something. It was the thing Lena hated most about herself, because she could end up dwelling on something too hard and too long until it ate her up, or made her crazy.

Like she was doing now.

Their lack of communication attributed to how things ended years ago the first time, and Lena didn’t want to make that same mistake again.

But then Lena remembered the promise, her promise to Kara. Maybe in Kara’s mind, they already were together, at least platonically, but that promise was an engagement of sorts. Maybe that promise had been exactly the thing to tell Lena where they were as a ‘couple’.

If there was one thing for certain, Lena didn’t want to be stuck in limbo, torn between being ‘friends’ with Kara, to ‘maybe more’, or ‘potential couple’. There had been too much hiding and denial of feelings for one lifetime that anymore just seemed cruel and unfair.

Another series of rattles sounded from the kitchen, like something dropping, then Lena heard a faint curse echo through the silent apartment. She tried not to laugh, just picturing Kara being so concerned about not making noise in fear of waking Lena, who was already secretly awake.

Lena decided to put herself out of misery, and padded softly to the edge of Kara’s room. She rested again the large walk-in wall frame, and there saw Kara, clad in a striking blue flannel set of winter sleepwear which could rival her ocean eyes, fixing a pot of coffee.

The waffles Lena thought she smelt earlier were placed on a large tray on the kitchen island, steam rising calmly from them. She watched as Kara shuffled around the kitchen, but when Kara’s body came into view, Lena couldn’t help the laughter which ejected involuntarily from her lungs.

Kara looked positively startled, her blue eyes wide and beady behind her glasses. Her grip on the coffee pot was so tight that Lena thought it might break, but that was the last thing on her mind when she saw the absolute _monstrosity_ on Kara’s feet.

In classic Kara behaviour, the girl had on a pair of slippers which resemble koala feet, claws and all. Kara caught Lena’s eye line and looked down to her slippers, lifting her feet slightly in show.

“Not half bad, are they?” Kara muttered shyly.

Lena clapped, pausing between one while stalking forward, still laughing at Kara who had adopted more of an offended look now, rather than startled.

“Kara, my love, you are the only person on the planet who would think that!” Lena teased, stopping a few feet before Kara.

Kara displayed her best grumpy puppy face, and Lena laughed even harder. “These were actually the last pair when I bought them. So clearly _not_ ” Kara defended mightily.

Lena puckered her lips, then took another step forward. “That’s because they probably threw the rest, honey” Lena teased again in a comforting tone, as though she were consoling a small child.

Kara slapped away Lena’s hand from her shoulder frustratedly. She pulled a stool out and sat down in an equally frustrated manner, avoiding Lena completely.

Lena felt slightly bad, after just having made fun of Kara when the girl had just prepared breakfast, something she did not need to do. It was one of the many reasons Lena fell for Kara in the first place, she was selfless. She positioned herself behind Kara and draped her arms around Kara’s sulking frame.

“Thankyou for breakfast” Lena whispered, slouching over Kara’s shoulder and kissing her cheek.

“You’re welcome” Kara grunted, like a small child after having thrown a tantrum.

Lena cocked her head, still noticing Kara’s avoidance. At least Kara didn’t flinch away, that meant she wasn’t _really_ upset with Lena, she just needed a little _convincing_. Lena swirled the pivot stool around, and Kara gasped in surprise.

She stepped between Kara’s legs which opened voluntarily for her. Kara’s eyes were alert and trained on Lena now, and Lena heard an audible gulp come from the blonde. She gently removed Kara’s glasses, watching as Kara’s gaze never left hers in the process.

“Are you mad at me?” Lena whispered, her hands coming to rest on the island either side of Kara.

Kara blinked rapidly a few times, her tongue darting out to wet her lips. “Yes” she croaked.

Lena clicked her tongue, shaking her head. She didn’t know where this teasing energy had originated from, only that she seemed to be liking the control, and Kara did too apparently.

“Well we can’t have that, can we?” Lena teased, leaning in to lightly pepper Kara’s jaw with kisses.

Kara inhaled a sharp breath, tilting her head in response, giving Lena easier access to her throat and neck.

“Are you still mad?” Lena asked after a few minutes, observing Kara’s barely lucid state.

It took a few second for Kara’s panting to subside and for her hazed mind to formulate a response, but when she did, her answer didn’t surprise Lena, and Lena was impressed.

“A little” Kara husked, clutching at the sides of her sweatshirt which clung to Lena’s body.

Lena clicked her tongue again, brushing Kara’s cheek to signal the blonde to open her eyes. When Kara’s pools became visible again, she resumed suckling along Kara’s neck, and down to her pulse point, darting her tongue out to trace into the divot of Kara’s collarbones. A small whimper escaped Kara’s lips, and Lena smiled against the girl’s neck, biting softly against the milky flesh.

She pulled back a third a final time to meet blackened iris, surrounded by a thin line of sea blue. “Now, _are you still mad at me?_ ” Lena punctuated, her eye lids closing into slits in a predatory manner.

Kara shook her head guiltily, almost nervously too. “No” she huffed.

“Good!” Lena chirped, “because I’m starving. Coffee?” Lena asked, removing herself from Kara’s grip to walk around the island.

The sudden change in atmosphere was almost fatal and a thick blanket of silence was all Lena heard in response. When she looked up at Kara after gathering some plates and cups form the cupboard, she saw Kara frozen solid with her mouth hung low, staring at Lena blankly.

Lena smirked, sliding Kara her cup and plate as the girls face slowly relaxed, then dropped in disappointment. “You’re not a nice person” Kara muttered, readjusting her glasses back on her nose.

Lena gasped in faux hurt. “I’m a lovely person, how _dare_ you!” she exclaimed, clutching her chest.

An inaudible mumble was Kara’s response, and she fell back into her grumpy mood. Lena watched as Kara painfully tried to keep up her grumpy facade, stabbing at her waffles with her fork and slouching on her hand. But it was impossible with a plate of waffles infront of her. Lena made a mental note to buy Kara waffles if she was ever upset.

She might need to live up on that note sooner than she would’ve liked, as Kara’s glasses fogged up from the heat of her coffee. Lena tried containing her laughter with a few snorts and coughs, but it was useless as Kara placed her cup down particularly and stiffly. She removed her glasses completely and more or less glared at Lena with an unamused look.

“You’re still not a morning person, are you?” Lena commented, more to herself, as she continued eating her waffles and giggling.

* * *

The few days they agreed on felt more like a few years. It was like Maggie leaving for cadet training all over again, except this time she wasn’t coming back.

Alex knew the decision was necessary for their relationship, aswell as for their ultimate happiness. She could find happiness in staying with Maggie, and that was a certainty, but her last few years proved that being with Maggie simply wasn’t enough, not anymore. Not because Maggie wasn’t enough herself, but because Alex needed more outside of her relationship with Maggie.

Alex had grown well beyond the person who she thought she would, well beyond what she had ever predicted or even hoped for herself. The consequences of growing had finally caught up to her.

She could find happiness with Maggie always, but only could she find true happiness in family, only could she find what she was missing in family. Her last few years with Maggie had told her that, and for so long Alex had tried to deny it, and push it away in hopes that being with Maggie would be enough for her, that eventually she would stop feeling the way the did.

But like every bottle that’s left under a dripping tap, eventually it will overflow. Slowly, but it always does eventually.

And although she knew the decision had to be made for the both of them to find their true happiness, it didn’t prevent Alex from feeling as though she had made the biggest mistake of her life. It didn’t prevent her from feeling as though she had let everyone down, and most of all, herself.

She wasn’t just losing a person in Maggie, or a loved one, or a girlfriend, or even a potential wife. She was losing the biggest part of her life, the biggest part of her identity. Alex credited so much of who she had become thanks to Maggie, because it was the honest truth. Alex couldn’t even remember the person she used to be before Maggie, only who she had become after Maggie.

Maggie had played perhaps the largest role in Alex’s growth as a person, and it wasn’t an overestimate. So much that Alex could even consider half of herself as Maggie. She was essentially losing half of herself, along with the half of her heart which would forever belong to Maggie.

Without Maggie, it was an entirely new life Alex had to learn to live, an entirely new identity she had to make, and all she would have left is the memories of the person she was with Maggie, and the memories and feelings of what it used to be like when she was with Maggie. It wasn’t her reality, not anymore.

That reality, and that person had been disconnected, cut loose and had drifted away along with her Maggie, who wasn’t her Maggie, not anymore.

Kara had called again and again over the few days, asking for any updates or progress on her favourite otp. Each time Alex would either decline the call or skirt around the questions, telling Kara next to nothing. It was only a matter of time before her persistent little sister found out what had happened, and what Alex was hiding, Kara always did uncover the truth. But Alex couldn’t tell Kara the truth by her own accord even if she wanted to.

How can you admit something to someone, when you can’t even admit it to yourself? Alex was still partly in denial, still trying to wrap her head around the fact that this _was_ her life, and she _was_ losing Maggie. It wasn’t just a potential anymore, it had actually happened, and Alex was still trying to process it, even after having days to herself. Her biggest fear and worst nightmare had come true, and Alex was defenceless against it.

There was an old wives tale Alex used to hear frequently when she took philosophy as an extra credit elective in junior year. It went something like; spontaneous happiness can always be found in the most unexpected places, but earned happiness is always found upon the back of an indefinite sacrifice.

It was bullshit. Her philosophy teacher was lying through his teeth. There was simply no happiness wherever Alex looked, none that was hers anyway. The true happiness she hoped for seemed non-existent in her post break-up haze, and instead, all Alex felt was the pain.

_Pain, pain, pain._

And then there was Eliza too, of course. Eliza was coming in later during the day for a thanksgiving dinner, and Alex didn’t know how she could even begin to tell her mother the bad news, when she still wasn’t fully absorbing the news either. She didn’t even know how she could begin to sit through an entire thanksgiving with the people she loved, without them realising her world was falling apart.

It was one thing being trained to deceive an interrogator with a lie, a skill which took Alex years to perfect. But lying about something as pain as Maggie, and to a room full of family no less, wasn’t a skill Alex would ever acquire.

Maggie would be there, hopefully, like she said she would, but even that didn’t settle Alex. The notion that she had somehow let everyone down was far too great to overcome, because Alex wouldn’t be the only person losing Maggie either. She had to think about her friends, Kara and Eliza who had also loved Maggie over the years.

There was an entire network of people who Maggie could potentially lose, and an entire network of people who’s perspective would change on _both_ Maggie and Alex. There would be unknown repercussions that could effect everybody.

Part of her still wished it was all a bad dream, but reality always found a way to pull her from the clouds.

Boxes sat packed and seal, lined against the wall next to the door, just waiting for Maggie to arrive and take them. There wasn’t much in terms of packing, not in terms of what they already owned in the apartment. The boxes were packed with clothes, shoes, personal items, movies, some plates and cups which Maggie had specifically bought to replace the older kitchen ware Alex had raided from her parents storage unit years ago.

Among them were also keepsakes, like photo albums and gifted items, as a token of their relationship and remaining love. It was hard to walk past each day, and it left Alex questioning if they could have tried something else, anything else before ending it. It left her wondering if she had made the right decision, and hadn’t just thrown her life away.

The boxes just sat there, unmoving, their presence suffocating, reminding Alex each second of what she was losing. It pained her of course, and it would for forever to come. Maggie was her one, Alex knew that. She believed people could get two great loves in their life, but there always had to be a one, it always starts with a one.

There was reason society and authors called those people ‘the love of your life,’ because nothing could compare. But the pair had agreed on a few days, and they were the loneliest few days of Alex’s life. Each second that ticked by felt longer than the last, and it was beginning to feel like those few days would never end, and Alex would be stuck with those boxes, staring at her, laughing at her, and mocking her for being such a fool, for throwing away the one thing which was always guaranteed in her life.

Maggie came by eventually, the morning of thanksgiving, looking just as irreparable as she did the morning she left. A few days wasn’t enough time for them, there would simply never be enough time for them to be okay or to prepare for the loss they would endure, but they would have to learn to be. They would have to learn to forgive themselves, for the sake of each other.

Little to no words were spoken, only saddened glances and broken smiles. Walls were built up higher than the sky, protecting each of them from the feelings they had been bottling up since that inevitable morning.

Maggie toured the apartment for the last time, brushing her fingertips over furniture, walls, picture frames, everything she could as though she were committing it to memory.

“That’s everything” Maggie spoke slowly, returning to where Alex was moping in the living room.

Alex could barely look up at the woman before her. “Are you sure you have a place to stay?” she asked regrettably.

Maggie nodded, even though Alex still had her gaze averted to floor. “Yeah I have a friend who’s letting me crash.”

Alex looked up then, tears brimming in her soft eyes. She pulled the fabric of her top over her palms nervously. “Good. You know, I didn’t think I had it in me to be happy, or to be accepting of myself. But then you came into my life and I finally could. I never would have gotten here without you. You showed me that I could be happy, you showed me that I could be loved, and I... I will always love you.”

Maggie sniffled, a small but broken chuckle escaping her lips. Then she approached Alex slowly. “You made me deal with my own stuff too. You made me confront my past, made me stop covering up all the things I didn’t want to look at anymore. And I’m stronger for it, I’m stronger for you, and because of you.”

Alex nodded, her tears beginning to fall down her cheeks. Maggie reached up to brush the salty droplets away adoringly. “You’re going be a great mum, and I’m waiting for the day I get to see that.” Maggie whispered, standing on her toes to rest her forehead against Alex’s.

Alex’s hands came up to grasp at Maggie’s wrists. “Come with me today, please?” Alex pleaded.

Maggie cocked her head, and a warm smile spread across her lips, although something seemed a little forced in her expression, and it did not go amiss by Alex. “I promised you I would, didn’t I? But first, we need to do something about these tears. Can’t have you crying when we go pick up Eliza, can we?” Maggie teased, tapping Alex’s nose softly.

Alex chuckled as Maggie pulled her along to what was their room. “You know that Eliza considers you as her third daughter, right?” Alex questioned.

Maggie pushed Alex on their bed playfully, then went to retrieve Alex’s makeup bag. She returned with a slightly more serious expression, and a crinkle in her brows.

“They are your family, and they will always be your family before anything else. I just don’t want things to be awkward between us. I wasn’t lying Alex...” Maggie said, pausing to eye Alex briefly, “I will always love you no matter what, and I need to know if that is going to effect us being friends, or being okay with each other.... even after if one of us were to find someone.”

Maggie fiddled with the bag, pulling out some brushes, foundations and mascara. Alex stopped her, grasping Maggie hands tightly. “You are the most important person in my life, Maggie. That will never change. You might not always be the _only_ person with that title, but you will always have it. My heart is yours and it always has been, and I _want_ you here, this thanksgivings, next thanksgiving, the thanksgiving after that. I want you at birthdays, and Christmas, and Fourth of July. As long as you’re around, I want you here, and for the sake of whoever comes next, they will accept that. You mean too much to forget, and I could never forget you Maggie, even if I tried” Alex said earnestly, squeezing Maggie’s hands in reassurance.

Maggie looked away as a stray tear slipped down her cheek. “Always the romantic one” she teased, her signature grin falling back into place as she composed herself, just the way Alex loved.

Alex released Maggie’s hands, and cocked her head. “Yeah, well, it helps when you’re with someone special.”

Alex caught a flicker of something more cross Maggie’s eyes, and she knew then how difficult it would be to keep her emotions in check, and to keep the boundaries in place between the relationship with Maggie she was trying to re-build, and the relationship she had. But she knew boundaries would be necessary for the sake of keeping Maggie in her life.

Keeping Maggie in her life could only work if they had their boundaries, and Alex couldn’t afford to lose Maggie completely. Losing Maggie once, even romantically hurt too much.

“Thankyou, Al” Maggie said softly, leaning in to kiss Alex’s forehead. Alex couldn’t help the blush tinting her cheeks, still not immune to the effects of Maggie kissing her after all those years. “Now, about your makeup...”

* * *

“ _Mum!_ ” Alex screeched, making a beeline for Eliza’s figure, weaving in and between the bodies of people who had just exited the terminal.

Kara cringed in embarrassment at the spectacle her sister and adoptive mother were making. It was easy to see who Alex inherited her personality from. From Jeremiah, Alex inherited brains, charm, charisma, and an interest in the strange and mysterious. From Eliza though, Alex inherited heart, compassion, career, and a love for all things warm and fuzzy.

They did the same thing at the train station every single year without fail, whether it was reuniting, or saying goodbye, it was the same thing. And each year Kara wished she could just turn around and leave them there, or pretend like she didn’t know the two women who loudly fawned over each other in the train station when they could have easily reunited in the car without the crowd.

Alex made it particularly difficult to pretend like they didn’t exist however, as she would always start calling out for Kara the second she had finished her reunion with Eliza.

Besides, Kara wouldn’t really want to pretend that Eliza didn’t exist, not after everything the woman had done for her, particularly around this time many years ago.

“ _Kara!_ ”

“ _Kara!_ ”

“ _Kara!_ Look, it’s Eliza! It’s _mum!_ Mum is here! In National City!” Alex screeched, excitedly jumping up and down, both disturbing the people around her and receiving the occasional bout of laughter or smile from an onlooker wondering why a thirty year old woman was behaving like a small child.

“I can see that, Alex!” Kara called back exasperated, waving at her sister with a forced smile.

She continued walking to where her mother and Eliza were when she felt Maggie bump into her shoulder playfully. “Just when you think that this year will be any different, it’s not” Maggie commented off-handedly, shaking her head fondly in Alex’s direction.

Kara sighed, “Tell me about it.”

Maggie offered a quick smile before both girls picked up their pace to where Alex was impatiently waiting. It was definitely a welcomed surprise to see Maggie at the train station with them, given what Alex had told Kara before her birthday. All things considered, Kara suspected she wouldn’t being seeing as much of Maggie anymore.

Based off what Alex told her, things weren’t going too well at all for the couple, and Alex wasn’t at all hopeful. Between Alex and Maggie, trouble in paradise was the last thing Kara ever thought could happen, and she knew just how stressful it had been for Alex after her sister had confided in her.

But maybe things had changed for the better since then, who knows. Maybe they had found common ground and were working towards being in a good place again. Any relationship worth while didn’t go without their disputes, and God knows Alex deserved someone good in her life. Kara was forever grateful Maggie was a part of both of their lives. Maggie had been nothing but good to Alex, and had been there for Alex in her darkest time, even before Alex had opened up to Kara.

She could only assume things were okay though, she didn’t know for sure as Alex hadn’t openly discussed anything pertaining to Maggie since their walk in the park the previous week. Alex had been avoiding Kara’s calls and dodging her questions completely for days, and Maggie wasn’t proving much better when she brushed Kara off aswell.

There was a lot of secrecy, which was unusual, but Maggie being with them now had to of been a good sign, so Kara was hopeful that the secrecy was just a passing thing. Maggie was definitely prepared to attend the Thanksgiving dinner Kara was hosting at her house later that night aswell, something she had done each year ever since she started dating Alex.

Along with Maggie, Kara had also taken the liberty of inviting Lena, who had in turn invited Sam, aswell as Lillian Luthor. It would be a reunion all round for many people and a familial thanksgiving, something Kara hadn’t experienced fully in a long time.

Where she spent most holidays and celebrations with both friends and family, Thanksgiving was relatively quiet and personal for obvious reasons. Ever since Jeremiah’s passing, thanksgiving dinners had only consisted of Alex, Maggie, Eliza and Kara herself. Apart from that one thanksgiving where Kara had invited Adam, it usually only consisted of the four women and was less than extravagant.

But Kara was a firm believer in ‘the more the merrier’, especially if it meant spending more time with Lena in familial and meaningful settings.

Over the course of the few days since Kara’s birthday, Lena and Kara had spent the majority of their time together. The morning of, they spent the day together, with Lena only leaving when she had to attend an impromptu meeting with her VP of purchasing. She returned to Kara’s that night and they shared takeout and cheap wine over an Adam Sandler movie.

Over the following days, they had shared more dinners, lunches or brunches, even spending their nights with each other at Kara’s, with Lena competing for Kara’s attention against Lexa and Schnitzel. The dogs were slowly warming up to Lena’s domestic presence though, which Kara found endlessly amusing, especially the little growls her dogs would let out each time Kara gave her attention to Lena.

Or the way Lena would pout, then eye Kara’s dogs in jealousy whenever Kara gave her dogs attention over Lena. It was an endless competition for love and affection, and it was endlessly amusing.

Sometimes Kara wondered if spending their nights together was moving too fast, and she wondered about the underlying importance of it, and what it signified in their relationship. But then she remembered that she had years of history with Lena, and they had done hundreds of sleepovers before. Just not with the same connotations.

She was sure though, she wanted a relationship with Lena, and it’s not like they were intimate, yet. She was sure about it ten years ago, but was just too late to realise it. That realisation had never really left her though, even when Kara spent her years testing out the field, and dove into relationships with men. Lena had always been at the back of her mind then. What could of happened if Kara stayed, or what could of happened if Lena stayed. Now however, Lena was at the forefront of Kara’s mind, constantly.

But years later, even after spending their nights together, the topic in question had never come up. It was as if they were re-enacting their lives ten years ago, re-enacting the very thing which drove them apart in the first place. Except this time, it had only pushed them together. Over last few days, Kara had spent more time with Lena than she usually did on occasion.

When, or if the question even would arise, Kara wondered if they would end up fizzling out just as quick as they ignited. Or if they would end up how they did ten years ago. It was a constant worry she had, mostly because she wasn’t sure what her and Lena were, but more importantly, what Lena wanted in terms of being with her.

The conversation wasn’t even hinted at at all over the past few days, and it seemed more than anything that it was being avoided. Whether Lena didn’t want to bring the topic up, whether she was waiting for Kara, or whether she still wasn’t sure how serious she was willing to be with Kara, Kara didn’t know. It was all a big question, and whatever they were doing would remain so until they had established a solid ground.

Above all, Kara knew without a doubt that they were happy. If she didn’t count the morning Lena made fun of her slippers, they were happy, with Kara happier than she had ever been in a long time. All because of Lena.

That was definitely a good sign. But in this day and age, society expected people to conform to labels, and expected people to be categorised. If you didn’t, you weren’t taken seriously, or you weren’t ‘real.’ Everything had to be branded, and everything had to be named just to fit in, it wouldn’t be long before people would be branded in serial numbers like the items in a shopping centre.

Those who opposed were targeted and pressured to conform, they were rejected or outcasts, they were the minority. Consequently, it was something which younger generations had grown up being conditioned in to, so being happy wouldn’t just be enough, not forever.

The journey to the train station was relatively quiet, the complete opposite of their journey back to Kara’s. What had been a suffocating silence there, had been filled with countless questions fired back and fourth between Alex and Eliza.

It wasn’t uncharacteristic of Alex to be overly excited for Eliza’s visits, but Kara did notice now more than before, that there was never a down time in their conversation. Alex was constantly on the go, filling in any gaps of silence with recounted stories or questions, as though she were trying to avoid any silence altogether. As though she were trying to hide something, or to prevent something from being asked.

Maggie on the other hand sat idly in the passenger seat, uncharacteristically quiet, observing the scenery more than the spectacle in the backseat. The bizarre behaviour certainly peaked Kara’s interest, and left the cogs turning in her mind of what could possibly be causing the behaviour. It was as much professional curiosity aswell as it was personal, and whatever the cause was, it was alarmingly unsettling to observe.

Each time Kara flashed Alex a ‘what are you doing?’ look in the rear view mirror, Alex would completely ignore her and continue on filling in any gaps with Eliza. Kara wasn’t worried before, but she certainly was now.

They pulled up into Kara’s apartment complex car park sooner than Kara would have liked, because it meant she would need to drop her internal investigation on Alex for the meantime. She rounded the car to where Eliza was pulling some luggage out of the boot, and immediately offered to take it.

Eliza smile warmly, then draped her arm around Kara’s shoulder, pulling Kara into her side. “How are you, honey?”

“I’m good.” Kara said surely, not missing the way Eliza was observing her like a hawk.

Eliza nodded, seemingly okay with the response. “I was concerned when you called me. You know if you’re getting bad again Kara, you _have_ to tell me.”

“I know” Kara sighed, “and I promise I will, but really, I’m okay. I’m happy... I’m very happy and I can’t explain why, I just know that I haven’t felt this way in years.”

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with Lena, would it?” Eliza teased, smirking knowingly.

Kara gasped in shock, “How did you?—“

“Oh, honey!” Eliza laughed, patting Kara’s shoulder, “You may not have kept me in the loop, but Alex sure did. I must say, I was surprised to hear you had reconnected with Lena. But I figured it was only an amount of time before things became serious between you two again.”

Kara smiled shyly at Eliza, adjusting her glasses. “She makes me so happy.”

“I would expect so” Eliza laughed. “Now, I hope you two have remembered that it is Thanksgiving, and we require _proper_ food, not that sloppy mess you kids call ‘takeout’” Eliza said pointedly, waving her finger at Alex and Kara.

“Hey!” Alex frowned, raising her hands in surrender, “that was one time, and you can blame Kara if she’s forgotten to cook the turkey. She’s the host remember?”

Kara glared at her sister. “Yeah, it’s not like you to take any responsibility, Alex. But I have a turkey in the oven to which is being tended to as we speak.”

Alex gazed questioningly at Kara, prompting her to elaborate. “I invited Lena today, and she invited Lillian and Sam.”

Alex’s brows rose to her hairline, and Eliza stifled a laugh. “Who’s Sam?” Eliza questioned, looking between all three women who looked between each other, “and more importantly, just how serious _are_ things between you and Lena, Kara?” Eliza asked, becoming even more excited by the second.

Before Alex or Kara could even begin to answer, Maggie had intervened and situated herself between the family. “Yes yes, Kara and Lena, it’s all very adorable. And Sam is Lena’s pregnant best friend. Now can we carry this inside, please? I like my Danvers thanksgivings warm and pleasant, not arctic and deathly” Maggie complained, practically pushing all three women towards the apartment complex doorway.

Kara let Maggie push her through the doors of her complex and towards the stairs. She thought of sending Lena a quick text message just to prepare her for Eliza’s bombarding presence, but she knew even that wouldn’t help.

* * *

 

 

The turkey was warming in the oven, _check_.

The table was set, _check_.

The platters and dip were all prepared, _check_.

The champagne was being chilled in the freezer, _check_.

But there was something else, something else Lena was forgetting. _What was it? What was it? What was it?_

There was searing noise, the smell of something burning, then the ringing of Kara’s stove alarm. Lena turned in horror, remembering the last thing Kara had asked her to watch. The turkey glazing.

The contents of the glaze was bubbling over the rim of the pot, searing and crisping upon the stove surface, smoking like green vegetation on a bonfire. What remained inside the pot was a blackened and gluggy goop, resembling something akin to the symbiote from that terrible Spider-Man movie. As long as it stayed stagnant and lifeless in the pot though, Lena was safe:

Lena did shriek however, when the air bubbles exploded, and she narrowly dodged projectiles of molten turkey glaze. She dumped the pot into the sick and started to fan the smoke up into the industrial stove fan with a tea towel.

Kara’s dogs watched on, confused almost with their doggy ears flopping over their cocked heads. Their innocent little minds had no idea of the stress which was coursing through Lena’s.

God, why was she so incompetent? It was just a few small things Kara asked her to watch while she left to pick up Eliza from her delayed train arrival. Just a few things Lena had to take care of and she couldn’t even do that. They could be back any minute now too, meanwhile Lena was frantically trying to fan the smell of burnt glaze away.

Just to stress her even more, Sam’s assigned ringtone began blaring through the smokey chaos. Lena growled, opting to continue fanning the smell and to put Sam on speaker.

“Yeah, hello” Lena called, louder than necessary so her voice would carry through the smoke haze and into the speaker.

“ _Hi, Lena. Just double checking that Kara’s apartment is number three-fifteen?_ ” Sam asked casually.

Lena responded after a few seconds, trying to process Sam’s question while worrying about the smoke filling Kara’s kitchen. “Uh huh” she confirmed.

“ _Is that a fire alarm I can hear? Are you okay?_ ” Sam chuckled after a moments silence.

Lena growled at Sam’s ability to find humour in the least humorous of times. “No, I’m _not!_ Kara’s picking up Eliza and she’s going to be home any minute. Meanwhile, I’ve destroyed the _only_ turkey glaze we have and Kara’s apartment is patient zero for the smoke bomb that just went off. So thankyou, Captain Obvious“ Lena grumbled sarcastically.

Sam cackled through the line, and Lena was ready to hang up on her friend until Sam offered her a heavenly solution. “ _Okay, breathe for a minute, if you can_ ” Sam cackled again at her poor joke, “ _Don’t worry about the glaze. I brought some myself that we can use. I’ll be there in less than five minutes, so you just keep on fanning if you don’t pass out from smoke inhalation._ ”

“I hate you!” Lena narrowly responded before the line went dead.

For the next few minutes, Lena frantically sped around the apartment, opening a few windows to air out the smell a little. She was immediately hit by the frosty air flowing inside, but she imagined that Kara and her guests would prefer a slightly cooler room than a room that smelled like burned turkey glaze.

Sam arrived a few minutes later, letting herself into Kara’s apartment, sporting her signature smirk.

“Where’s the glaze?!” Lena almost yelled, wobbling over to Sam as fast as she could in her heels.

Sam produced a jar containing a caramel-esque glaze which Lena could only hope tasted better than it looked. “Thankyou, you’re a life saver!” Lena applauded thankfully, pulling Sam in for a brief hug.

“All in day’s work” Sam teased, tipping her head.

While Sam got comfortable on Kara’s couch, tending to the two fur balls wrapped beneath the mountain of blankets, Lena deposited the contents of Sam’s jar into a new pot to heat on the stove.

Lena caught Sam’s gaze staring at her, and she caught the bulge in Sam’s chest as though she were snorting back a laugh. “What’s so funny?” Lena angrily replied, “you know, you _could_ help?”

Sam shook her head, bemused, resting her hand on her barely protruding stomach. “No-can-do, that’s pregnant women’s labour and that’s a big no no. I’m happy to watch though.”

Lena fixed Sam a pointed glare before she returned her attention back to the stove, monitoring the glaze closely in fear she would burn that one too.

It was a few minutes later when Lena heard the familiar voices of Kara and Alex approaching the apartment door, along with the unmistakeable chuckle belonging to Eliza. Lena did a once over of her patterned dress, making sure she hadn’t ruined it along with Kara’s glaze. She didn’t have time to find a reflective surface to check the rest of her appearance, so she called to Sam, praying Sam wouldn’t let her down.

“Do I look okay?” Lena asked worriedly, smoothing out non-existent creases on her dress.

Sam sat stoic, nodding her head without word, unbreaking in her demeanour. A small pout did play on her face, but it would just have to do, so Lena turned to the door, disposing of the apron she had tied around waist.

She hyped herself up, reassuring herself that it was just Alex, Maggie and Eliza. She knew them, had known them for years, there was nothing to be anxious or nervous about. They were all lovely people, so why was she so nervous.

Lena mentally chastised herself and her inability to function like a normal human today of all days.

The door swung open, revealing a glowing Kara who’s face rapidly changed in surprise as her gaze fell on Lena. Alex held her mouth shut firmly, hiding a smirk as she averted her gaze to the floor next to Kara. Eliza looked welcoming, completed oblivious or unphased by whatever had Alex and Kara’s attention.

Lena stepped forward confidently, asserting her CEO persona. “Hi, Eli— um... Ms.—“ Lena stopped herself before her incoherency ruined her reputation anymore. 

The panic started to seep in quicker than flood waters, and Lena was staringly owlishly at the family infront of her. Behind her, she heard Sam sniggering on the couch, and infront of her, Alex didn’t look any better. Maggie on the other hand looked extremely curious, and was poking her head through the door, strangely sniffing the air.

“Hey, Lena....” Maggie trailed in question, “why does it smell like burnt rubber?”

Lena faltered some, trying to think of how she could best explain the situation without sounding like a moron. “Well, I accidentally burned the turkey glaze. But it’s okay!” Lena assured in a hurry, “Sam brought some so it’s all good. We still have turkey glaze, so we aren’t lacking in that department.”

Lena’s gaze then averted to Kara who was nodding absent mindedly, her focused strained on _something_ just above Lena’s body. Sam’s sniggering became even louder behind Lena, and Lena realised she had been effectively blocking the entrance to Kara’s apartment.

In an instant, Lena’s hand flew up to cover her mouth in shock. “God, I’m _so_ sorry. Everyone come in, I didn’t realise I was blocking your way.”

She felt utterly mortified and stupid in the fact she was inviting Kara and her family into Kara’s _own_ apartment. Eliza stepped in first, pulling Lena into a warm embrace, effectively pulling Lena from her mortified state.

“Good to see you again, honey” Eliza whispered into Lena’s ear, rubbing Lena’s back soothingly.

Maggie was next, and she slid through the door frame smoothly, nodding towards Lena with a knowing smirk. “Lena” she commented, then made her way towards Kara’s fridge.

Alex came in behind Maggie, her face bright red as she barely managed through a laugh, “Nice hair, Lena.”

Sam’s laughter rang loudly behind her, and Lena was sure she was going to kill Sam for whatever her supposed best friend hadn’t told her. Kara came in last, looking both amused and sympathetic. A small pout rested on her pink lips, and she reached up to brush Lena’s cheek.

“Lee, your hair is a bird’s nest” Kara commented so softly and so easy, as though it weren’t the most mortifying thing to happen to Lena all day.

Lena blinked rapidly, then averted her gaze to where everyone seemed to be loitering, smirks plastered on their face as they waited for Lena’s reaction. She sighed, long and hard, letting some of the amusement wash away her stress.

She let out a small chuckle and grasped Kara’s hand, murmuring a small, “Thanks.”

Kara soothed Lena’s tinted cheeks, rubbing them softly. “You’re welcome.”

Eliza eventually took pity, and instructed Lena onto a table chair so she could fix the part of Lena’s otherwise perfect hair do which had come loose and ratty in her haste to stop Kara’s apartment burning down.

She recounted her story to Kara and her eagerly awaiting family, while they waited for Eliza to retouch the rest of her air. They laughed, good naturedly though, and Kara assured Lena that it was still the best thanksgiving she had had in years, and the afternoon was only just beginning.

* * *

Despite their less than rocky start, the rest of thanksgiving was smooth sailing. Lillian made her dramatically late appearance sometime after the Danvers’ arrived back from the train station, due to more delayed transportation.

But the Danvers’ prepared for it, public transport could never be trusted on popular holidays. Transport services became the busiest around holidays, especially in National City. The city was a hot spot for tourists and relatives, mainly because of the thanksgiving parade that swamped the park each year.

Kara had attended a few times with Alex, and once with her ex-partner Peter, but the parade was the same each year more or less, and quickly became old news for the people who lived in National City.

Most of all, Kara craved a simple thanksgiving with the people she loved most. It wasn’t often that Kara found happiness in the holidays, particularly with the Thanksgiving holiday, but she had this year.

It wasn’t hard for Lena to track, what with the way Eliza kept a close and cautious eye on Kara. She probably didn’t even realise she was doing it, but she did, out of a motherly nature. Lena often wondered how hard those years were for Kara, particularly when she wasn’t around to see them.

She couldn’t imagine they were any better than the years she had been around, nor could she imagine them as any worse. Kara had become an expert at hiding the way she felt though, and where Lena was usually good at reading people, she couldn’t decipher Kara, not on this day.

So she remained cautious too, not bringing attention to the fact that she was, but just simply observing. She knew Kara leaving for fresh air on the night of her party was more than just her needing a break from the hype. She saw it the minute the caught sight of Kara’s blue orbs.

There were painful memories, emotions, and thoughts rattling around in her mind. She didn’t verbally express anything to Lena, but she let herself become vulnerable with Lena. That was perhaps the biggest change in their dynamic lately.

It wasn’t long before their feast was set upon the table, and the Danvers’ family, along with their guests, were seated around the mouthwatering dinner. If she were honest, Lena had never seen Kara so excited about food before. She knew Kara had an insatiable appetite, and she behaved like a child in a candy store when it came to food, but Kara on thanksgiving was truly something else.

It left warmth fluttering through Lena’s chest, just watching Kara tower spoonful upon spoonful of food on her plate. Lillian was most shocked, having not seen Kara in her feastly action for years. She quietly whispered to Lena on the side, “You better get used to spending more than your monthly salary on groceries for Kara when you move in.”

Lena pushed her mother away playfully, ignoring the knowing look Eliza kept shooting at her. It felt incredible to be within the company of so many people she had been denied the company of for years, but it wasn’t all as magical as Lena had hoped. Although she knew their undertones were in good nature when mentioning Kara or herself, their comments weren’t entirely welcomed.

Lena was never one to be sensitive, and she knew her mother and Kara’s family only ever wanted the best for them, but couldn’t they just be _happy?_ Without all the added expectations and comments about their rekindled relationship, romance, whatever it was, couldn’t they just be happy without all the accessories that came with being tied to someone.

They were still in their early stages, still trying to find their place in the world and with each other. So much had happened between them that Lena was in no position to risk rushing into anything with Kara, as much as her body wanted to, she knew it wouldn’t magically provide the assurances that both of them had been searching for, which ultimately became the reason why they were struggling to talk about commitment.

It took months for them just to get where they were, and there was simply no telling where they would end up in a few months time. Lena had an idea of where she would like to be, but anything was possible, and anything could happen. The unexpected news Alex and Maggie shared over dinner had reinforced that notion ten fold. No one’s futures were guaranteed, and both Lena and Kara knew that better than anyone else.

They had lost each other once, but once was enough. Lena was going to do everything in her power to prevent losing Kara again. She couldn’t explain how she felt, or why she felt the way she did around Kara, why it was even Kara in the first place, all she knew was that it was real, and she was equally as terrified to rush into something with Kara as she was to lose Kara.

Take Alex and Maggie, two people Lena thought would spend eternity together. Unfortunately, even the best of relationships don’t last forever. Eliza was most shocked by their news, as was Kara who both looked as though they were shot through the heart with an arrow. Alex and Maggie themselves were very much reflective of how Lena imagined her and Kara were ten years ago, she saw the comparisons, but she also saw the differences.

The differences now were that they were no longer children, they were capable of understanding and embracing all the conflicting emotions and thoughts their immature minds couldn’t years ago. Everything about the way they perceived the world and each other had grown and matured, and they had developed a fondness for each other that may not even exist had they never lost each other.

Absence did make the heart grow fonder, but Lena was sure if there became a next time, absence would make her heart whither away.

She held onto the thought of Kara, and her happiness with Kara like it was the last tangible thing in the universe.

Maggie was the first person to leave that night, followed by Alex and Sam almost an hour later. Sam had offered to drop Alex home since Alex was incapable of driving herself after the mini bender she had with Lillian. It was never a good idea to challenge Lillian Luthor to a drinking contest, the woman could hold her liquor better than most piss heads Lena had ever seen.

It was gift, but also a curse. It meant Lillian had to drink that much more to reach the stage of tipsy or drunk, which meant her ability to watch her alcohol intake slowly dribbled out the door. But Lillian had her driver on call for the night, and she had pre-booked into the lavished hotel overlooking the park.

Eliza ended up leaving with Lillian, after the four women had drunken far too much far too quickly. Watching Lillian and Kara reconnect was a very welcomed sight, particularly when they were both intoxicated. Lillian had always been fond of Kara, and Lena imagined Lillian had missed Kara in her own way over the years.

With Eliza staying at Alex’s to keep her company, as opposed to staying with Kara like they initially planned, it left Lena and Kara alone in Kara’s apartment once again, and again, Kara insisted that Lena stay with her, and who was Lena to deny Kara.

While Kara washed away the smell of turkey and alcohol from her body, Lena took to the fire escape on the side of Kara’a building. Her legs dangled from the metal platform, and she gripped the metal railing tightly. The chilly November breeze was cooling her flushed body, courtesy of all the wine she had been drinking.

A few sirens sped by in the street below, and Lena hoped that wherever they were going, people were at least okay. She hoped that there wouldn’t be some family in National City getting a call that one of their loved ones wouldn’t be coming home.

She almost missed the sound of the window sliding open, and Kara’s warm, showered body joining her on the platform. Kara’s thigh pressed against hers as she squeezed in beside Lena, trying to have as much contact as humanly possible.

It was one of the many things Lena loved about Kara, and one of the many things she missed dearly about Kara over the years. Kara’s need to just be touched, comforted and held, even in a completely innocent way. Lena assumed it had to do with Kara’s parents and her separation anxiety, or maybe it was just Kara’s need to be cuddled all the time.

Kara tried to act tough, and she tried to be serious, but Lena knew deep down she was just a mushy little koala who needed her tree to hold on to. Kara’s head fell upon Lena’s shoulder, and she shuffled even closer than before as a small breeze picked up.

“What are you thankful for?” Lena asked, staring down to where Kara and herself were playing a game of footsies.

“There are so many things.” Kara murmured, bringing her right hand up to meet Lena’s left on her lap. “My career, my dogs, sometimes. My friends and family too.”

Lena nodded slowly, squeezing Kara’s hand. She wasn’t expecting anything, not for Kara to mention her, not really, it was far too soon to expect that much. The pair were still trying to figure out where they sat in and amongst all the drama of the world and their past, still trying to find comfort in each other. They were also still trying to adapt to the newest step they had taken in their ‘relationship.’

So Lena didn’t expect anything, but she did hope. It stung her some that Kara hadn’t mentioned her, that maybe Kara was still struggling to communicate her feelings, which was how things ended in the first place. Even worse, if Kara wasn’t thankful for Lena like Lena was for Kara. Again, that was how things ended years ago, unrequited love.

It was as though Kara could see the conflict and hurt in Lena’s eyes the second Lena felt it though, and Kara was quick to rephrase. That’s how well she knew Lena, that’s how much she cared for Lena. Sometimes Lena just needed to be reminded.

“But most of all...” Kara trailed, taking both of Lena’s hands in her own, “I’m thankful for you. I’m thankful for you letting me in again, trusting me again, and well... liking me again. God knows you didn’t have to, but you did. I will forever be thankful for _you_ , Lena Luthor.”

Lena hadn’t noticed the tear that fell from her forest eyes until Kara gently wiped it away with a brush of her thumb. She hadn’t noticed how utterly relieved she was to hear those words, how much she needed to hear those words. It was hard, because she was still trying to battle away the inner demons which had surfaced not long after the night she spent with Kara years ago, the same demons who demanded that Kara remind her that she cared.

Lena didn’t want to be reminded, she didn’t want the need to be reminded. She just wanted to know, without the doubt or worry, and she suspected that something like that could only come with time.

Kara’s thumb trailed down Lena’s cheek, and rested against her lips, the residual wetness leaving a salty trail in it’s path. Kara brushed Lena’s bottom lip sensually, then captured Lena’s lips in an innocent kiss.

“Feel that?” Kara whispered, guiding Lena’s hands to her chest.

Lena closed her eyes in content and honed in on her sense. She felt it all right, the rapid pulsing of Kara’s chest underneath her palms, as though Kara’s heart was only just beneath the surface of her skin, and all that rest between her heart and Lena’s hands were millimetres of distance. She felt the tingling sensation too, the tingling sensation of touching Kara the way she was, where she was touching Kara.

Even in the most precious of moments, Kara still managed to leave a coiling desire in Lena’s stomach which housed an untameable beast just begging to touch Kara further, begging for Kara’s touch in return.

“This is what you do to me, Lena. Always. And I am thankful” Kara assured, smiling softly. “And if that’s not enough, maybe this is...” Kara trailed, reaching into the pocket of her sweater.

Lena’s curious eyes followed, and Kara produced a small pendant, its colour a reflective mix of the universe, and of Kara’s eyes.

“Kara... this is... this is _beautiful_ ” Lena gasped, admiring the necklace as Kara held it in the air.

Kara smiled, twirling the end of the pendant, and a small inscription on the underside caught Lena’s attention. “It is. It was my mother’s.... my biological mother’s. She left it for me, but I would like you to have it—“

Lena interrupted, grabbing Kara’s wrist which held the necklace. “ _What?!_ Kara are you _insane?! No!_ I can’t take this! This is too—“ Lena rambled incredulously until Kara shushed her, placing her index finger against Lena’s rapidly moving lips.

The skin pressed against Lena’s lips tasted faintly of the vanilla body lotion Kara had used, and Lena had to refrain from darting her tongue out to taste Kara properly. “Stop talking” Kara instructed playfully, “as I was saying, this was left to me by my mother’s Will as a token of her love. It was special in my family, and it’s special to me. But so are you, and I want you to have this as a token of my feelings for you, and as _my_ promise to _you_.”

Lena shook her head, battling against the finger which still rested stubbornly against her lips. “Kara... please, I can’t accept this” Lena pleaded.

Kara shook her head, gliding her hand down to rest underneath Lena’s chin so she could eye Lena properly. “You _can_ , and you _will_. This is my promise to you, Lena. I promise to be the person for you I should have been ten years ago. I left you, and this is my promise that I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here to annoy you as long as you let me.”

Lena leaned into Kara’s touch in content. “Kara... you could _never_ annoy me.”

“Not even a little?” Kara prodded, cocking her head in question.

“Not even a little” Lena whispered, before kissing Kara properly, tasting her properly. “Thankyou” Lena breathed, taking the necklace carefully and observing it closer. “What does the inscription mean?”

Kara didn’t even need to look at the inscription Lena had asked about to respond. “It’s Latin, but it means ‘hope.’ Wear it for me, please? That way I know that there is always hope for us.”

“ _Us?_ ” Lena recited.

Kara nodded once, biting her lower lip. “I want to be the person I should have been for you, and it starts with this promise. And with us. So tell me, will you be my girlfriend?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s the Supercorp chapter you’ve all been waiting for ;)
> 
> I’m hoping to wrap this up in two or so chapters, maybe a bit more. I don’t see the point in continuing with a plot for the sake of it when I don’t actually have plot points. Not to sound like I’m repeating myself, but I have achieved what I originally set out to achieve in this fiction. But if you guys want a second fiction in the series depicting their future, or a one-shot epilogue, I can do that too! Let me know I can see what I can do :)
> 
> It’s been a longish journey since I started this, six months and it’s been great! Stay tuned for my next updates, and if you liked this fiction, check out my inmate fiction (prompt is uploaded), which will be my focus once this fiction is finished, along with a few other fictions I lost and re-plotted. Beware, the inmate fiction is no powers alternate universe, but with a darker setting. Not the usual Supercorp fiction you read! :)
> 
> Friendly reminder that any mistakes are my own because I don’t have a beta. I try to catch them as best I can but I can’t catch everything :)


	21. Just Say Yes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can feel your heart beat through my shirt  
> This was all I wanted, all I want  
> It's all I want  
> It's all I want  
> It's all I want  
> It's all I want
> 
> Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back  
> It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind  
> Only love
> 
> Just say yes, 'cause I'm aching and I know you are too  
> For the touch of your warm skin  
> As I breathe you in.

_Will you be my girlfriend?_

The question ran around Lena’s mind like a circus on steroids, ricocheting from wall to wall until it became nothing but a distant echo, nothing but a suspected auditory hallucination.

It was the last thing she expected from Kara, the last thing she expected from the girl with the expectant blue eyes and quivering lips. Lena found herself getting lost in the swarm of vulnerability and adoration in those eyes, begging her to say yes, pleading her to at least respond.

However, the silence settled heavy in the air around them, and the only response Lena could conjure from her limp body was a few muffled noises, which sounded more like gasps of air pushing through the barrier of her clenched jaw. Or a strangled cat, either was an apt description.

It was hard to focus on anything other than the sound of her own heartbeat pulsating in her pit of her thoracic cavity, or the searing feeling in palm of where she held Kara’s necklace. Even the rush of euphoric adrenaline coursing through her veins, like a flash flood in a canyon, all involuntary responses of hearing the words she never expected to hear from Kara so soon, words she never expected to hear period, but words she so desperately wanted to hear.

And it was hard to focus on anything except those eyes, how bare and stripped away of armour that Kara was before her. How deep those cerulean pools went, as though Lena could see directly through her soul, then out to the city behind Kara’s angelic face. Or maybe that was the reflection in Kara’s eyes, brought about by the most of water gathering below the girls lid. Whichever, Lena couldn’t tell, but either away, it drew her in and away from Kara’s question, lost in the infinite tangent of her mind.

The thought crossed her mind that Kara had laid her heart down before Lena, much like Lena had all those years ago. Kara had surrendered all the power she held, waiting for Lena to either relinquish her power aswell, or to leave Kara high and dry. Kara trusted her enough to make that decision, and part of Lena wondered why it was that she had to be the one to answer.

Perhaps Kara asking her must have meant that Kara knew what her own answer would be had Lena been the one to ask, she just wanted to know what Lena wanted without the additional pressure of guilt. Instead, Lena thought too much about the meaning behind the question, and why on earth she couldn’t will her body to answer the way she wanted to. Her analytical brain was tearing apart a question so simple as though it were quantum physics.

_What if it was a trap? What if this was all just a sick game for Kara’s amusement. What if all along, this was just some way for Kara to vanquish the monster of guilt she had presumably been living with?_

Lena knew that years ago her answer would have been instantaneous, before everything fell through of course. Then the past few days, considering everything that had happened, she imagined her answer as being instantaneous again, so why wasn’t it? Why was she hesitating on something she was so desperately sure she wanted? Did that mean she didn’t really want Kara, and it was all just an illusion? Maybe even something as morbid as Stockholm syndrome?

Perhaps it was a defence mechanism, the last part of her holding onto that final shred of armour, independence and stubbornness, determined not to surrender her heart for heartbreak like she did all those years ago. Perhaps that’s what it was, a mechanism to defend her, to save her, but Lena didn’t need saving or defending, not anymore.

Lena needed Kara, and for the first time in years, Lena was able to successfully remind herself that this was everything _but_ a mistake. She saw the vulnerability in those pools, preparing their owner for rejection, or worse, and Lena knew in an instant that her feelings weren’t a mistake, or weren’t misplaced. For the first time in years, Lena knew that Kara felt the exact same way she had, and did. They were no longer on different wavelengths anymore, they were riding the same wave just trying to make it safely to shore in one piece, together.

All that existed in that very moment was Kara, Lena, the question which hung in the air, and the words that rested on the tip of Lena’s tongue, waiting to be spoken. Everything else was just background noise, it always had been with Kara.

Everything else was irrelevant and inconsequential compared to the unspoken words between them, compared to the same force that drew them together once again as the one that had pulled them apart. Lena had waited so long to share this very moment with Kara, perhaps too long than what could be deemed fair.

But love doesn’t just happen over night, if this could even be called love just yet. Sometimes it takes months, years, or even a decade in their experience. However long it takes, it’s real, it’s raw, and it’s Kara, it has _always_ been Kara.

Lena imagined thousands of scenarios over the years, thousands of scenarios of finally being with Kara. Even going as far as imagining scenarios in an alternate universe, one where Lena never left, or Kara never chose Mike, but nothing compared to the real thing.

It wasn’t some dramatic, grand gesture like the movies portrayed it, it was so much more intimate than that without all the theatrics. It was quaint, but it was perhaps the most soul-bearing, raw, and powerful moment Lena had ever experienced.

It wasn’t just her heart Kara was surrendering, but her pain aswell. She was sharing the most important aspect of her life, her love for family, her memories of family, the life of her family and she was surrendering that to Lena. She was willingly handing over everything that she felt and everything that she was, knowing that Lena could destroy it all with one word, within a second.

It left the muscles beneath Lena’s skin quivering, it left a tingling sensation throughout her bones, it left a flutter in her blood stream, and it left her weak, so incredibly weak for the girl infront of her. She couldn’t even begin to imagine how Kara must have been feeling, conjuring the courage to surrender her love for Lena, considering she could barely begin to describe how she was feeling.

But now that her fantasies had become a reality, Lena found herself frozen in the moment, paralysed from the circulatory overload possessing her body as if reflecting the fullness of Lena’s heart and mind. She was further away from reality than she had ever been, she might as well of been floating off into a heavenly abyss, watching as the earth became smaller and smaller, then eventually nothing.

Every synapse in her body was firing spark upon spark of pure adrenaline, pure ecstasy. She was overdosing on life and love itself, catapulting her into a catatonic state where she could barely register the sound of Kara clearing her throat, the fell of Kara’s hand pressed warmly to her exposed thigh, and the sight of Kara’s misty eyes shifting hurriedly over her body, rapidly growing more worried with each second that ticked by in silence.

Her silence was most deafening, and Kara must have taken that as a rejection from Lena. Kara’s mouth began moving, but no sound were heard over the ringing in Lena’s ears. The world itself had come to a complete stand still, and Lena saw the minute expressions pulling at Kara’s angelic face as if she were watching it all through a microscope.

A flash of hurt crossed her ocean orbs, then fear, then nothing. Kara had steeled her gaze and immediately began back pedalling, her hand retreating and her lips quivering as she tried to mask the onslaught of pain overtaking her body.

Eventually the shock had dissipated enough, and the dull ringing in her ears turned into warped sounds, then eventually a series of words Lena could process.

“—You don’t have to answer right away, you don’t have to answer at all but—“

It was like poison to her ears. How could Kara believe that Lena would say no? Granted, that thought had crossed Lena’s mind in her mental bombardment of shock, but she quickly disposed of those toxic thoughts.

Once or twice, maybe, Lena might have, months ago she most certainly would have. Not out of spite or hatred, but out of residual anger and hurt. But now, she found herself unable to stop that three letter world tumble from her lips, that three letter word that would change everything between them.

That three letter word that would catapult them into uncharted territory to which they had never ventured before. It would be undeniably daunting, but all Lena could think about was just being Kara’s, of just belonging to Kara, and to have Kara belong to her.

“Yes,” Lena whispered, a smile pulling against the deep red of her lips.

“ _Yes?_ ” Kara questioned, looking more confused by Lena’s response instead of hurt.

“ _Yes_ , you idiot,” Lena chuckled, and the sigh of relief that pushed past Kara’s lips was music to Lena’s ears. And the smile that edged at the corner of her mouth beckoned Lena in to take those glossy lips into her own, ever the seductress.

She pulled away just briefly enough to mutter, nipping at Kara’s lips in the process, “what was it I said to you the night of your birthday?”

Kara though for a second, her eyes darting off into the distance. “Happy birthday?” She answered shyly, shrugging her shoulders.

“Not exactly,” Lena shook her head. “I promised you that I—“ she leaned back in to plant a kiss to Kara’s lips, then punctuated each word following with a quick peck to Kara’s lips, “—would not run away.”

By her last peck, Kara’s cheeks were flushed red, and her smile, absolutely, contagiously infectious. “I keep my promises, Kara Danvers,” Lena spoke softly, gripping the necklace Kara had given her like a life line.

“I know you do,” Kara whispered, brushing her thumb against Lena’s sharp cheek bones. She captured Lena’s lips once again in a messy lip lock, growling when Lena started to mumble against her lips, preventing her from deepening the affection bursting from the tip of her tongue.

“I should tell you,” Lena sighed, smirking at Karas agitated scowl, “years ago there was nothing I found myself wanting more than being yours, and now again, I find myself completely incapable of wanting anything else. You are amazing, Kara Danvers, I hope you that.”

“Wow...” Kara trailed in awe, “that’s a... that’s a big yes.”

“Yes... it is a big yes. Now shut up and kiss me,” Lena demanded, planting her hands against Kara’s jaw, pulling Kara into her once again, smothering any words caught between their lips.

* * *

Waking up next to Kara would always feel like some unreachable, unattainable utopia, Lena presumed. Since their first night together, Lena had to constantly remind herself that this was her reality now, and not some deluded, distorted fantasy.

But this morning felt even more unreachable and unattainable than the last for one reason, and one reason only. She wasn’t just waking up simply as Lena Luthor, CEO, or even as Lena Luthor, a possible partner prospect for Kara, something she had been questioning for quite some time. Instead, this morning was different from all the rest, because Lena had woken up as Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers’ girlfriend.

It was the only title which affected Lena, the only title worth a shred of existential meaning to her. Being CEO of a multi-billion dollar industry was important, yes. But such things were materialistic, and easy to be replaced. If Lena were to disappear without a trace, the board would simply replace her with a temporary appointee, turned permanent.

But family, friends and _love_ , maybe not quite love, but her feelings for Kara and her relationship status with Kara were completely different ball games. Such things could not be replaced or mended over night if they were to fall apart, as proven by the decade of empty space that once lived between them. Such things like that were not materialistic, tangible, yes, but not materialistic.

She felt like a teenager again, needing the reassurance and validation between herself and Kara. But it was necessary. Each day that had passed between them, with the pair only growing closer together became harder than the next, with each second that ticked by where Lena was caught in a kind of limbo.

_Was she Kara’s girlfriend? Was she not? Was she only keeping Kara’s bed warm at night? Was she not? Was this all only in her head? Was it not?_

It was a concept that had only ever previously existed in Lena’s thoughts, dreams and fantasies. But last night, Kara had brought those thoughts, dreams and fantasies to life with one simple question that changed absolutely everything.

The more she thought about it, the more Lena scolded herself for being so melodramatic and emotional about officially being Kara’s. It was certainly a monstrous step forward into unknown territory for the pair. And the last time things escalated between them, well, everyone knows that story.

She wondered if similar things had gone through Kara’s mind last night, or if Kara had similar thoughts, dreams and fantasies over the years. Even if Kara felt the apprehension, anxiety and fear that she did.

Lena could only hope she wasn’t alone in her emotional endeavours, but judging by Kara’s reaction following Lena’s response last night, perhaps that was answer enough. Perhaps it was just as an important step forward for Kara as it was for Lena. Perhaps Kara needed reassurance and validation for her own demons aswell. And perhaps Lena wasn’t as alone as she thought.

The couple had scrambled back inside the apartment shortly after Kara had connected the promise necklace around Lena’s neck. Lamps and television remotes were knocked off the cabinet by the window sill in their haste to crawl inside, grasping and pulling at each other’s clothing in a frenzy.

A burning sensation spread throughout Lena’s entire being with each kiss, pull, and tug, and she knew she had never wanted Kara more than she did in that moment. The starved beast had awoken in her gut after years of hiding, controlling each and every move she made. Self control was thrown quickly out the window to where they previously sat, as their movements became animalistic and instinctive.

Every cell on her skin screamed and ached for the relief of Kara’s touch, for the relief of years worth of built up denial and suppressed love that could finally be released. And as much as Lena needed that relief, she knew it wouldn’t be anywhere near as special if it came from the rush of uncontrolled actions and impulse driven endorphins.

Her first time with Kara was a result of misguided and intoxicated minds, vastly more drunk on the desire to be needed by someone, to be used by someone, rather than the alcohol they had both consumed that night. That was their downfall, spiralling the pair into ten years worth of mistakes, regret, and guilt.

Lena vowed she would never make such a mistake again if she were ever given a second chance. Their intentions were pure, but their minds blurred and intoxicated, and Lena, with the power invested by God himself, pushed away from where Kara had trapped her against the bed, sucking at her collarbones, while her warm hands melded Lena’s scorching skin beneath her bra.

Too intoxicated to realise how far they’d managed to get already, Lena was grateful she managed to notice before it became too late.

“Kara,” Lena sighed, meeting Kara’s confused, pupil blown eyes. Lena’s heart nearly imploded then and there at the sheer beauty before her, staring directly into her soul as though _she_ had been the one to misstep.

Kara retracted her hands timidly, her cheeks reddening as she muttered, “I don’t understand... did I do something wrong? Do you not want this?”

Lena was quick to assure Kara, pulling her down beside her before Kara’s warmth retracted and disappeared entirely. “Of course not, my love. I want to, believe me I’ve wanted to for years, and that’s why I need this to be perfect.”

Kara tilted her head slightly, prompting Lena to elaborate, looking the spitting image of a confused puppy. “I don’t want you to have sex with me because you think it’s what _I_ want to do. I want you to have sex with me because it’s what _you_ want to do,” Lena spoke softly, massaging Kara’s cheek with her thumb.

“I... I _do_ Lena,” Kara stuttered.

Lena smiled softly at Kara’s adorable persistence, “You hesitated. I can see it in your eyes. Your eyes have always betrayed you, Kara. It’s okay, we have all the time in the world,” Lena assured, kissing the tip of Kara’s nose.

“You’re not disappointed in me?” Kara whispered.

Lena pulled away from their close proximity, enough to give Kara a playful, yet scolding glare. “ _Kara!_ ” she cried, “You _just_ asked me to be your girlfriend, you spazz,” Lena scolded, flicking Kara’s nose.

“If I was disappointed, do you really think I would have said ‘yes’? Besides,” Lena continued, chuckling at the glare Kara was trying, but failing to shoot in her direction, “I would only ever be disappointed if you did something because you thought it’s what _I_ wanted. _You_ have to want it too, just as much as I do.”

Kara shuffled closer, nuzzling herself into Lena’s scent, sighing blissfully. “I’m scared,” she whispered.

Lena began threading her fingers through Kara’s blonde locks, smiling to herself at Kara’s soft sighs of content, and the way she only nuzzled closer into Lena’s warmth as though ‘enough’ simply wasn’t enough. “I know, I know. I am too. But in time it will come, Kara.”

Kara buried her head into the valley of Lena’s breasts, muttering something unintelligible into Lena’s chest.

“What was that, love?” Lena cooed playfully.

“I said... in time _you_ will come,” Kara said brazenly, her smirk in full effect.

Lena chuckled down at Kara with a sculpted brow, then kissed her forehead adoringly. “Oh, I believe you, just not tonight though.”

The constant need for the validation and reassurance of Kara’s feelings was unideal, and it affected Lena in more ways than she wished. At least she knew now that Kara was in the same ship that she was, and it wasn’t just Lena who was afraid of whatever came next.

Such confidence and trust in Kara could only be healed with time though, especially from such heartbreak from the one person Lena had ever truly loved. Perhaps that’s what made all of this so special. The fact that despite the heartbreak and mistakes the pair had made, ten years later they were able to find each other and work through their pain.

They needn’t muster the courage to do it alone anymore, instead they had each other, and they both knew each other’s pain as well as their own. It’s not everyday that life hands out second chances like an all you can eat buffet. But this was the second chance Lena had dreamt about since the day she left Lima all those years ago.

And with Kara sleeping blissfully in the morning sun rays, anything and everything seemed possible, even that unreachable, unattainable utopia.

“I can feel you staring,” Kara mumbled into the sheets, her cerulean eyes just peeking up from the silken covers.

“I’m not staring, just admiring,” Lena defend, planting a kiss to Kara’s forehead.

Kara grinned up at her in the way that Lena so loved. Her bright smile rivalling the very rays of sun that peaked through the window curtains.

Definitely an unreachable, unattainable utopia.

“Mhm” Kara mumbled, “Whatever you say,” Kara yawned, rolling on top of Lena while dragging the sheets with her to cocoon them.

The blonde slouched on top of Lena, her body sliding into Lena’s like the perfect puzzle piece. The moment would have been ethereal if it weren’t for the look of disgust that less than graced Lena’s otherwise graceful features.

“Do I disgust you that much?” Kara asked, pushing herself up.

Lena shook her head, smiling earnestly. “You’re beautiful kara... but your morning breath isn’t.”

Kara frowned, before a devious smirk crept onto her features. “We’re girlfriends now,” she teased, “that means you need to accept me and my morning breath.”

Lena chuckled, tilting her head slightly to the side, because morning mouth really was a smell she wasn’t fond of. Nor did she think Kara was fond of hers, however the blonde was just too kind-heart and less out-spoken to say anything.

“Say that again,” Lena said, catching Kara’s wink.

“Say what?” Kara asked, feigning oblivion.

Lena’s eyes darkened, and she whispered slowly, “Girlfriends.”

Kara moved to slip her thigh between Lena’s, her smirk never faltering, especially at Lena’s sharp intake of breath. “Girlfriends,” she whispered, kissing Lena’s cheek. “Girlfriends,” she whispered again, pecking Lena’s nose. “ _Girlfriends_ ,” She drawled out, watching the way Lena’s pupils dilated as she leaned down ever so slowly to capture Lena’s lips.

It was soft and sensual, their movements neither dominant or submissive, just simply caressing. They moved in unison, together as one entity, their lips falling into the cushion of the other, morning breath be damned. In fact, morning breath was the last thing on Lena’s mind as Kara’s thigh ground torturously between the apex of her own, leaving what Lena knew to be the evidence of her desire behind.

Kara’s weight above her kept her grounded, preventing Lena from floating off into her own ecstasy induced oblivion. But that’s the way she always felt when kissing Kara, there wasn’t anything conscious or grounded about it. Kissing Kara was like kissing addiction itself in its purest form, leaving Lena in a perpetual state of need, wandering the realms of denial and withdrawal until Kara kissed her again.

Maybe that was being melodramatic aswell, but when a life altering moment occurs, people usually lose themselves to the philosophical abyss of their minds.

If it weren’t for Kara pulling away from the kiss, Lena certainly would have started to rethink her stance on becoming intimate with Kara.

Kara chuckled at Lena’s soft wine, reluctantly refraining from diving back into her girlfriend. She had something important to ask that couldn’t wait. “I want to have a date night with you, every week.”

“ _Every week?_ ” Lena challenged, her brow arched perfectly. “Are you sure you won’t get bored of me by then?”

“Never,” Kara said immediately, not missing a beat. “Come out with me this Friday,” she said again, rocking into Lena’s body.

Lena let out a long huff, her gaze far away in deep thought as though she were questioning whether to accept or not. If Kara didn’t know Lena, she might almost be convinced of her little act. “Kara, honey, I know we agreed to take things slow but this is... I mean, you’ve stepped over the line,” Lena stated playfully, waving a slender index finger in the air.

“Oh, how rude of me!” Kara exclaimed, clutching her chest.

She hushed Lena’s laughter with a slow kiss before asking again, in a more serious tone, “really, come out with me.”

Lena traced Kara’s jawline, gazing up into those sincere blue pools.

“I would love to.”

* * *

Returning back to work following the festive break was harder than Kara had previously encountered, particularly because her and Lena had been spending the majority of their days together. The return of their usual routine provided quite the barrier to their lazy days inside, snuggled up underneath a mountain of blankets while watching corny romantic movies.

Kara would’ve been content to live the rest of her life under a blanket, if it meant being with Lena. But alas, Thanksgiving had ended, and thus their fairytale had too. Instead, Kara was back at her desk, trying to catch up on the tsunami of work that had evolved in her absence.

Fortunately for Kara, Snapper was in a cheerful mood, having just returned from Colorado himself. Kara suspected it was to do with the elder man settling some on going feud or rather, something to do with his ex-wife. She tried not to pry into the matter, but lucky for her, she didn’t need to.

Snapper had become quite fond of James Olsen’s photography ability, and had spilled the news of his endeavours over one too many glasses of whiskey.

Of course James had informed Kara about the news, leaving Kara actually quite happy to attend work each day with a boss who wasn’t in an eternally foul mood. It made working so much more relaxing when he wasn’t throwing papers at her or lecturing her on the etiology of some word she had misspelled in a drafted article.

On top of that, Cat Grant had appointed Kara a junior intern journalist to shadow her for a few weeks.

The young woman was in her final year of college, and happened to impresss Cat in an interview for intern reporters. It was fair to say that Kara’s plate was pretty darn full with the continual surprises and adjustments she had to make to her routine. But Kara was used to change, and she could adapt fairly quickly. She just prayed that none of these intern reporters would accidentally send Snapper spiralling back into his foul mood.

There definitely had to be a catch to it, so Kara told her shadow to steer clear of the man if she wanted to graduate in one piece.

In and amongst the chaos, Kara still managed to have lunch with Lena most days, continuing their routine with eating out the newest, ethnic cuisine in National City. So far, they had shared Indian, Italian and Chinese that week, ordering practically everything off the menu each time.

Lena was completely taken back when Kara made a habit of muttering, “there’s no potstickers on this menu,” in a downcast voice.

Her response would come in the form of consoling Kara with a few kisses to her temple, reassuring her girlfriend that the world wasn’t going to end just because they hadn’t gotten any potstickers. She would then promise to have potstickers sent to Kara’s apartment by the dozen each night, until her potsticker craze was treated.

However, Lena suspected that wouldn’t be the case. Perhaps Lillian was right when she said Lena would have to spend her monthly salary on Kara’s food craving’s each meal. Kara had insisted everytime to pay for the lunch, knowing that she ate a damn site much more than Lena, and that the majority of the bill came from what she ordered. But Lena simply wasn’t having it.

She couldn’t pin point why that bothered her exactly, the fact that Lena challenged her each time they ordered a meal. That hadn’t been the case previously. Before, they would take turns in shouting the bill, but since their thanksgiving revelation, Lena had been adamant on shouting the bill each time, and would almost strong arm Kara out of doing it herself.

Perhaps it was just Lena’s way of showing chivalry, affection or gratitude, and it truly was all of those things. But part of Kara couldn’t help but think that the reason behind it was due to the disparity between them. Kara’s salary couldn’t even equate to Lena’s, in fact, Kara’s salary for a decade probably wouldn’t even equate to what Lena earned in a single year.

It wasn’t as though that bothered Kara, not in the slightest. Perhaps it bothered Lena though, and that would force Kara to second guess her adequacy for the CEO. Kara could certainly provide for Lena, but not in the way Lena could for her.

Where Lena could provide a multi-million dollar penthouse with a multi-squillion dollar view, Kara couldn’t even hope to provide such luxury. Lena could very well retire tomorrow and she’d be set for life, but again, Kara wouldn’t have that luxury.

It’s not as though Kara was embarrassed about the amount she earned, or the things she owned, rather, it was the other way around. What if Lena felt embarrassed for Kara by the disparity in their possessions?

In a strange way, sharing the role of paying for meals allowed Kara to feel as though she could contribute the same amount as Lena, even despite the difference in the figures in their bank accounts. It made her feel as though she had just as much to offer, after all, they were in this together. A relationship is afterall, a partnership.

Despite Lena’s pure intentions, it would be something Kara would definitely need to jump on sooner rather than later, after all, her relationship with Lena was something she didn’t want to lose, not again, certainly not over something so small.

Kara knew full well that even the smallest things can eventually lead to anger and resentment, Maggie and Alex were living, breathing examples of that. Not that Kara was considering kids any time soon, but she wanted to cover all her bases with Lena, so they weren’t tragically breaking apart due to an argument over who’s turn it was to wash the dishes, or who’s turn it was to clean the bathroom.

The domesticality of her thoughts frightened her to no end, but each day when she met with Lena, she was reminded that she needn’t be frightened or scared anymore. They were both in it together, and that was the way it should have been ten years ago.

Given that sentiment, the end of the week couldn’t come soon enough, and Kara was moping around the floor all afternoon on the Friday, watching the clock intently until it struck five o’clock. It would be the first night she would get to see Lena properly since the end of thanksgiving.

Lena’s schedule as the CEO had been an absolute cluster since returning from her festive break, even more so than Kara’s. The first two nights of the week, Lena had returned to Kara’s apartment at an ungodly hour, and had woken up before the sun even rose above the bay.

The third night, Lena had opted to return to her own apartment, given that it was closer than Kara’s to her building. By Thursday, Lena had given up completely, spending the night at L-Corp on her pull out mattress.

The CEO didn’t really have a choice however, not only had she taken Thanksgiving off, but she was set to attend James and Lucy’s wedding in the Christmas to New Year’s period. Kara had urged Lena to relax, but Lena was stressing to get all of her affairs in order before then, as opposed to receiving an impromptu call to return to National City while in Bora Bora.

It became even more important to Kara that this night had to be perfect. She had been given the all clear by Snapper to leave earlier than usual, mentioning that she had a dinner with Lena.

It slipped her mind that she hadn’t even informed her co-workers and Snapper that her and Lena were a couple, which was ultimately for the best. Snapper probably presumed the dinner was a formal gesture for a piece Kara was working on, thankfully, and he all but ushered Kara out of the building.

It gave Kara more than enough time to call up both Alex and Maggie, her go to girls for all things fashion and date related. They pair had served her well in the past, and neither girl held any malice toward the other. Kara was thankful that despite the terms of their split, Alex and Maggie still remained as close as best friends would. At least Kara knew Alex always had Maggie as well.

It didn’t take long before Kara heard the racketing thuds on her door, and the voice of one Maggie Sawyer, impatiently demanding Kara to let her in.

The smaller girl whipped past Kara the second she opened to door, making a beeline straight for Kara’s closet. In less than a few seconds, Maggie had emerged from the bedroom, holding up a sleeveless, grey, slim fitting dress with a high neck line.

Kara recognised the dress immediately, it was given to her by none other than Maggie herself shortly after she moved to National City, Kara had just never found the perfect time to where it. But what better time than the present?

“Yes, definitely that one. And those pink heels you wore when you went out with that last boy toy of yours,” Alex spoke casually, timing her arrival perfectly as she strutted through the open door where Kara remained shell-shocked from how fast Maggie had managed to find the perfect dress.

She walked past Kara, offering Maggie a quick peck to the cheek, and Kara smiled at the fondness and love that still remained between the pair.

“Are you sure? I mean, I have that white one with the slit on the side I wore when I went out with Peter?” Kara asked, unsure.

Maggie shook her head, a look of horror etched onto her face. “ _Oh no, no, no, no, no!_ That’s all kinds of wrong. Re-wearing a dress for a first date you’ve already worn on a previous date, with someone of the opposite sex no less, is like bringing up your past lovers on a first date!” Maggie exclaimed frantically.

Kara looked to Alex for support, but her sister just had a look on her face as if to say Maggie took the words out of her mouth.

“How about that floral one then?” Kara suggested, hopelessly.

Maggie shook her head firmly. “Save that for Bora Bora, little Danvers. I’m telling you, this grey dress will be perfect.”

Kara sighed in frustration. “I just want tonight to be perfect too. We’ve gone out before, but tonight will be the first time we’ve gone out as girlfriends. I just want this to be special,” she admitted, nervously fiddling with her glasses.

Alex walked over to Kara, enveloping her sister in a supportive hug. “You have nothing to worry about, Kara. Tonight will be special because you’re with Lena. Even if you showed up in your birthday suit, it would still be special.”

Kara looked positively mortified at her sister’s words, and she pulled away quicker than Alex could register.

“Jeez, Kara. It’s not like you two haven’t done the dirty since your little reunion,” Alex commented off-handedly.

Kara chose not to comment on the matter, her mind reverting back to that night her and Lena _almost_. If she were honest, she’s thankful Lena stopped them from proceeding, because Lena was right.

They had to be ready for it, rather than rush into it. It had to be special, and it had to mean something this time, unlike their first time so many years ago. Your first is something you give away, but never get back, and Kara was happy to an extent that Lena was her first. However, she would’ve preferred that her first belong to anyone else, that way she could at least make her first with Lena special.

She was never ashamed that it was Lena, but she was ashamed that her first was tainted in a way it shouldn’t have been. Apparently Kara’s silence was enough for Alex’s mind to wander.

“ _Shut up!_ ” Alex squealed, noticing Kara’s ripening cheeks. “You’re so whipped you really haven’t—“

“Of _course not_ , Alex!” Kara interrupted, “I mean we almost, but this needs to be special, okay? This isn’t just some random hookup, or some cute girl I met at the park. This is Lena, got it?” Kara snapped.

Maggie chose this moment to intervene between the two sisters, sensing the moment quickly becoming hostile. She shot a lingering glare at Alex briefly as she came to Kara’s aid. “What Alex _means_ to say is that it’s okay. We know how much Lena meant to you, and we know how much she means to you now. Trust me, Kara, tonight will be as special as you need it to be and more. We will make sure of that,” Maggie offered, rubbing Kara’s arms in a soothing matter.

“Thanks, Mags,” Kara mumbled, nodding in agreement.

Maggie nodded in return, then proceeded to drag Kara into her bedroom, ordering her to strip and try on the dress as Alex retrieved Kara’s makeup set.

As Kara removed her work attire, she began wondering if Lena still relied on Sam now as much as she previously would have. If Lena relied on Sam as much as Kara relied on Alex and Maggie.

She knew Sam and Lena had a history, vastly different to her own with Lena, but a history none the less. She would hate to think that Lena was jeopardising her relationship with Sam simply because of herself, or that Sam thought Kara was replacing her in some form or another.

That was definitely the last thing Kara wanted. She knew how important it was for people to have their little community, particularly how important Sam was to Lena during Karas absence.

She could only hope that the dramas involved in something like that wouldn’t become a present entity within their relationship. She could only hope that her over thinking and over analysing were just the result of her minds nervous wander.

* * *

The minutes that ticked by while waiting for Lena’s arrival felt more like hours to Kara. The hostess had offered to show Kara their table, but Kara had refused, opting to wait by the entrance to walk Lena in herself.

She would have arrived with Lena, but Lena’s flare for dramatics resulted in them arriving separately, something about it adding to the intrigue and temptation. Thinking about it, Lena was very secretive about everything pertaining to the date.

Their lunch earlier during the day had been lovely, except for the fact that Lena refused to kiss Kara goodbye once Kara’s lunch break had ended. Lena was certainly working an angle and when Kara asked her what, Lena kept quiet, offering nothing but a teasing smile.

If Lena’s plan was to irk Kara, or rile her up, it was certainly working. Kara felt the temptation now more than ever, which only contributed to the thudding of her heart inside her chest. Slowly over the past few weeks, Kara had discovered a side to Lena she had never known before.

A side that liked to tease, control, and almost manipulate her in the best of ways. It left Kara weak at the knees with what Lena was capable of. Once, Kara was afraid of the power Lena held over her career, but now Kara was afraid of the power Lena held over her body, demanding and summoning reactions as she pleased without so much as resilience from Kara.

She had become putty and pliable in Lena’s hands, and it was hard not to react, or fall prey to Lena when she was being a right tease. There was this transfixing aura about her that made Kara want to play her games, and if that was just one of the thousands of new things Kara would discover and experience about Lena, she was more than excited for what came next. Intimidated, slightly afraid, but definitely excited.

According to Kara, all those people who say best friends shouldn’t date can go stick it to themselves. If anything, Kara believed they should. How lucky is it to have the ability to love someone, or to care for someone in a particularly way or light, and then be able to discover an entirely new way of loving or caring for them that you otherwise wouldn’t have.

It’s as though Kara was discovering a new meaning and depth to her feelings for Lena, discovering a new way to fall for Lena for new and exotic reasons, while still holding onto the parts she loved before.

Dating Lena officially only removed all those borders and barriers between ‘friendship’ and ‘something more’, and for Kara, she couldn’t imagine anyone else she would rather experience that evolution with. She’d had the honour of loving Lena as a friend, and loving her as someone so much more than that. That was special in itself.

Along with that evolution came all the personalities and characteristics of Lena that had been otherwise hidden in their friendship. It felt like the greatest experience to share both sides of Lena, even if the CEO had hidden agendas.

Not too long after checking her phone for the fifth time, Kara’s gaze was pulled to the door from where she stood in the lobby, courtesy of the strong gush of wind that wrapped around her body. When she looked, she really wished she hadn’t, but she also really wished she _did_.

The existential haze in her mind immediately vanished, possessed by a different kind of lustful haze as her eyes roamed Lena’s enticing figure, clad in the most sinful outfit Kara had ever seen.

The sleek, off-shoulder dress wrapped around every curve of Lena’s body, leaving Kara’s mouth watering at the CEO’s full and voluptuous figure. Her ample breasts were pushed up by the fabric, leaving little for Kara’s imagination. But she did try, and her thoughts wondered directly to just how full Lena’s breasts would feel in her palms, or even her mouth.

She wondered if Lena would squirm and shy away if she tugged a rosey nipple between her teeth. She wondered if she could make Lena a desperate and wanton mess just by playing with her breasts alone. She wondered so many things about Lena in that moment, far too profrane to ever admit allowed. So many things she wouldn’t have ever imagined before, for the sake of her respect for their previous boundaries.

Most of all, she wondered if it was Lena’s plan to make her this desperately uncomfortable. Judging by the woman’s smirk, it most certainly was.

“Careful, Kara. You might catch flies,” Lena commented slyly, strutting towards Kara like the blonde was her prey.

Kara gaped, her mouth moving but no words sounding. “You look breathtaking, Lena,” Kara finally croaked, her cheeks blushing furiously.

Lena gave Kara a softer smile, as opposed to her previous demeanour. “Thankyou. You look beautiful yourself, Kara,” Lena admitted bashfully. “Shall we?” She asked, stretching out her hand for Kara to take.

The blonde didn’t miss a beat in taking Lena’s hand, following the second hostess to their booked table. However, Kara did manage to miss the fleeting moment Lena engaged with the hostess, handing her something small with a quick whisper before taking her seat.

Who could blame her though? There wasn’t much else that Kara would even consider noticing when Lena was dressed the way she was. Not even the the tall redhead that looked a surprising amount like Rachel McAdams could take Kara’s attention away from Lena, and Kara _loved_ Rachel McAdams.

With her mind so cluttered with images of Lena in her dress, out of her dress, on Kara’s bed, between Kara’s body and the mattress, it didn’t leave much room for Kara to focus on her task at hand; making her first date with Lena memorable and enjoyable.

Kara had choked on her food three times throughout her main course, all of which she had been caught staring at Lena’s cleavage. She had dropped her dessert spoon on the floor, and consequently had to share Lena’s which did not at all help with the burning desire between her legs.

However, none of those instances could amount to Kara knocking into the table of an elderly couple on her way back from the bathroom, while Lena was giving her the most predatory look from across the restaurant.

The elderly woman was not at all pleased with Kara, and muttered some profanities, presumably, in German. Lena found the scene to be hysterical when Kara returned on the brink of passing out from embarrassment.

All in all, it was definitely an enjoyable and memorable night, and Kara was downcast when the evening came to an end. Lena had excused herself to the bathroom once their table had been cleared, and Kara took it upon herself to use that time to pay the bill.

The hostess smiled brightly at Kara as she approached. “Is there anything I can do for you, Miss?” the hostess asked cheerfully.

“I think just the bill would be lovely, thankyou,” Kara responded, reaching inside her clutch for her credit card.

The hostess began tapping on the screen infront of her, delaying some while her face morphed into slight confusion. “The bill for table 23?” she asked unsurely.

“Yes, please,” Kara responded hesitantly.

The woman went back to tapping her screen, and Kara looked worriedly behind her, trying to spot the second hostess who took them to their table. Perhaps there had been a booking mix up.

“I believe the bill has already been collected,” the hostess responded, eyeing Kara carefully.

Kara shook her head. “There must be some mistake... do you know who collected the bill?”

“It says here, Lena Luthor,” the hostess responded, glancing up at Kara. “Our logs show we received a call midday from one Jess Huang of L-Corp, requesting the booking bill to be directed to the card Miss Luthor provided us. I’m guessing this is her card.” The hostess warily handed over a platinum bank card to Kara, Lena’s name gracing the front of the plastic item.

A bitter taste started forming in Kara’s mouth. Of course Lena would have pre-paid for the bill. Kara scolded herself for not realising it sooner.

When telling Lena of the venue Kara had booked, the CEO couldn’t mask the expression on her face which practically screamed concern. She had even gone as far to tell Kara to re-book a venue that wasn’t so high end. But Kara persisted, desperately wanting to make this night exactly what the couple had wanted, exactly what she thought Lena deserved.

Paying for all their lunches was one thing, but sneaking around to pay for a dinner Kara herself had booked for the pair, a dinner Kara had asked Lena to was definitely not okay. Especially after Kara had made it transparently clear that this was the venue she wanted to take Lena to.

Maybe Lena was embarrassed by Kara’s standard of living afterall, as though Kara treating Lena to such a fine evening was such an inconvenience and would bankrupt the poor blonde. That definitely didn’t suit her pallet.

“Miss?” the hostess echoed in concern, pulling Kara from her thoughts.

Kara smiled graciously, masking the bitter stinging radiating through her body. “I see. Silly me, I had forgotton. Thankyou, Wendy,” she brushed off convincingly.

Kara waited by the indoor fountain in the lobby for Lena to return, noticing Lena well before the CEO had spotted her. Her smiled had dimmed immensely toward Lena’s approaching figure, and when Lena took Kara’s hand in her own, asking if Kara was ready, Kara wasn’t so sure that she was.

* * *

Part of her felt guilty about what she had done, asking Jess to call the restaurant about the billing for her dinner with Kara that night. She didn’t understand why exactly Kara had to insist on the _most_ expensive restaurant in the city.

Lena would’ve been perfectly fine in a country diner with poor air conditioning in the middle of summer if it meant being with Kara. Just being with Kara was enough for her, she didn’t need the luxury or pleasantries other than Kara’s presence. That was a luxury in itself.

She didn’t tell Kara of course, because they were meant to be enjoying their night. It was, if Lena was honest, her first proper date with anyone. All the women in her college days were one night flings, and even Sam herself hadn’t taken Lena out for a proper date all those years ago.

Lena was glad that she was still able to make some firsts with Kara, even though they might not have been Kara’s firsts. Kara had been her first love, her first lover, her first heartbreak, and now Kara was her first date. And Lena was ready for a lifetime of firsts if Kara let her.

Her expectations were practically non-existent for the night, mostly because she didn’t hold any expectations over Kara to begin with. The pair were testing the waters, slowly but surely submerging their entire whole bodies into the equation. But for the time being, Lena was just happy it was Kara, and she was happy to just exist in her own little world with only Kara for as long as she could.

She hadn’t yet received ‘the talk’ from Sam, nor from Alex, her mother or even Eliza. She doubted it was due to the fact that they didn’t know something was up, they probably did. Their actions on Thanksgiving showed very clearly that each of them could see something between herself and Kara.

But they probably had the same thoughts as Lena, and jumping forward to give ‘the talk’ would only place an unexpected and unwanted amount of pressure on the new couple.

Everything was still relatively new, and it was still just Lena and Kara, and Lena wanted that for as long as possible. She knew things with Kara would never be this easy again, it was their honeymoon phase, so to speak.

Both of them still riding their high together, floating amongst the clouds until eventually, they would be pulled back down to earth, back to where things weren’t so simple. But nothing worth it ever is simple.

On the other hand, Kara didn’t need to prove anything to Lena, Lena had everything she needed from Kara already. Kara’s necklace, given to her by her birth mother was everything Lena could have wanted and more. So it stumped her as to why Kara was _still_ trying to prove herself, that she _still_ felt the need to take Lena to a restaurant that charges fifteen dollars for a glass of water.

There was the romantic aspect too, and not that Lena was ungrateful, but the measures were just absurd, and Lena didn’t want Kara to wear herself out, trying to compensate for the guilt that Lena knew Kara still harboured. It was as though this was Kara’s way of making it up to Lena, morphing herself into someone who would bend over backwards just to please Lena.

But a person can only bend so far before they break. And Lena had just gotten Kara back for her to break or tire so soon. This was meant to be a second chance, the beginning of new beginnings. Not penance or recompense for past mistakes.

So it completely slipped her mind that the very thing Lena didn’t want from Kara, was the very thing Kara was hurt by. She noticed it immediately when returning from the bathroom, she could see it in Kara’s smile. The way it seemed slightly forced, less lively and much more dimmer than it had when Kara first laid eyes on her that night.

That was the thing about Kara, the very way she smiled or gazed at Lena could make Lena feel equally as the most important person in the entire universe, and as the most guilty.

The blonde was silent on the drive home, both hands resting on the steering wheel rather than one on the console, an invitation to hold Lena.

“Is everything okay?” Lena asked, once the silence became too heavy.

Kara’s hands gripped tighter around the wheel, her jaw clenching and unclenching. “Why wouldn’t it be?” she responded in a strained voice.

“You just seem a little tense since we left the restaurant,” Lena commented, watching Kara’s every move.

The blonde didn’t even make a sound indicating that she had heard Lena, she just continued straining her eyes everywhere except on the woman beside her.

Lena chose not to comment any further. If there was something making Kara upset, Lena trusted Kara would tell her, it’s what they promised each other after all.

What Lena didn’t expect was for Kara to enter her apartment, deafly silent as she made her way to the en suite without so much as a second glance at Lena.

Lena heard the rattles, the tap water running, indicating Kara was freshening up for the night. If Kara thought she could just go to bed without addressing what was wrong, she had another thing coming.

Lena waited patiently on Kara’s bed, petting Schnitzel’s lengthy frame as she eagerly accepted any and all loving Lena was prepared to give. At least Schnitzel wasn’t ignoring her.

When the bathroom door opened, she was bitterly surprised to see Kara in her sleepwear, that delicious grey dress discarded, along with her makeup and hair do. She looked very much as though she hadn’t even been out with Lena that night. Lena couldn’t deny the painful sensation in her chest.

Still, Kara remained silent, pulling back her covers to jump into bed, only stopping when Lena addressed her again.

“Kara?”

Silence.

“Come on, Kara. I thought we weren’t going to be this couple,” Lena commented flatly, earning the first look Kara had given her in forty minutes. “We promised each other we would talk, and we wouldn’t shut each other out. I know something is wrong, and you know I would never force you to tell me what’s going on, but since you can’t stand to look at me without a scowl on your face, you better start talking right now.”

Kara’s scowl deepened as she glared daggers into Lena, and the apparent disregard for what she had done hours ago.

“What is it, Kara? _What_ could I have possibly done in the space of forty minutes?” Lena snapped, becoming more irritated by the second.

Kara’s responding chuckle was nothing short of cold. “I don’t know about forty minutes, but try about ten hours ago,” Kara gritted in and accusatory toke. “I asked you to come out with me, with me, Lena. And you called up the restaurant, bombarding my plans to treat you and set a tab in your name for the night?” Kara continued in disbelief.

Lena shook her head in confusion. “That’s what this is about? Because I paid for the meal?” She asked, as though it were the most ridiculous thing for Kara to be mad about.

“Of course not!” Kara exclaimed, rising to her full height. “It’s about the fact that I wanted to treat you for our first date. I wanted you to feel special, to be spoiled, and to just live in not having to worry about the weight of _everything_ else. I wanted to do that for you, but how can I possibly do that when you seek control in _everything_ ,” Kara exaggerated, crossing her arms over her chest while shooting Lena a pointed look.

Lena rose off the bed slowly, her gaze never leaving Kara’s. “You need to take a _big_ step back, Kara. I paid for a meal. One of _thousands_ of meals we will share in the future. I know how expensive that restaurant is, and I didn’t want you to have to worry about a dinner bill the cost of most gas bills in the typical National City household. You have nothing to prove to me Kara, so let it go,” She spoke slowly but surely, in a way that would leave many investors quivering in their boots. But Kara was anything short of quivering, if anything, it only added fuel to the fire behind her eyes.

“So this is about money?” She asked incredulously.

“You know sure as shit that’s not what I meant, Kara,” Lena snapped, frowning at Kara. “But we both know how much food you like to inhale each night. This wasn’t me ‘ _assuming control’_ , or ‘ _seeking control in everything_ ’ as you so _eloquently_ put it. This was about us working as a team, as a cohesive unit to enjoy a beautiful night out with each other. A night that has kind of dulled since coming back here, if I’m honest,” Lena finished, debating whether it be best to just return to her own apartment for the night.

Kara backed down some, letting her arms fall limp to her sides as she averted her gaze from Lena, once again. “I may not be a CEO, but I’ll be damned if I can’t afford to treat you to an expensive dinner,” she mumbled, almost insecurely.

“Then I apologise, Kara,” Lena said softly, moving around the bed to Kara’s body.

Kara stiffened at the approach, then relented, nodding as she wrapped her arms around herself in a cocoon. “Okay.”

Lena frowned at the protective gesture, but placed a quick peck to Kara’s temple none the less, before flittering off into the bathroom, looking over her shoulder to find Kara’s gaze on her back, almost longingly, as the blonde stared through the slight crack of the ajar door.

Lena left the door open enough for Kara to look all she wanted, not wanting Kara to think she was hiding herself away as Kara had done just moments before. Kara’s gaze stayed glued to her body as Lena slid her dress down over her curves, wishing that it was Kara’s hands sliding over her body removing her garments. But she knew that the pair were in no state for such things now, despite her teasing demeanour throughout the night. Still, there was no crime in gawking, and Kara certainly made it obvious.

Lena even heard the hitch in Kara’s breath as she let her panties dip a little bit too low when sliding her dress down her lower half. She chuckled silently to herself. The way that Kara acted sometimes confused the hell out of her. She could be stubborn one minute, mad the next, then shy and innocent the next.

Realistically Lena knew that Kara was just trying to find her new normal with Lena, just as Lena was with her. It was a slow transition for the pair to discover their new equilibrium together. To adapt to the changes that came with the evolution of their relationship, where neither wanted to misstep or make the other feel uncomfortable.

Lena knew she had overstepped herself, and there was truth to what Kara said. But everything was still fresh and new for her too. Lena was bound to make mistakes the same as Kara, she was bound to be unsure of how to act, or what to say sometimes, that’s human nature.

The only way for things to move forward is by making those mistakes, and learning from them in order to truly feel as though they weren’t walking on eggshells the majority of the time. They had that comfortability as friends, but it wasn’t quite the same since they’d taken a step forward in their relationship.

Lena wanted Kara to feel comfortable with her in every capacity, instead of worrying about the next thing she’d say or do, as though she were under a microscope, ready to be criticised and ridiculed. As Lena hoped she could be with Kara soon enough.

She emerged from the bathroom in one of Kara’s jersey’s and a pair of sleep shorts Kara had lent her for when Lena stayed over. Now that they were offical, Lena presumed that would be quite often, and the pair would need to talk about taking clothes and accessories of their own to each other’s apartments.

Kara was sitting on her side of the bed, her knees up to chest as she gazed into the darkness of her apartment ahead. “Did we just have our first fight?” She mumbled, so softly Lena almost didn’t hear.

“I wouldn’t call that a fight, Kara...” Lena responded, sculpting her brow. She brought a knee up to rest on the end of the mattress, willing the blonde to look at her. “Are you going to come give me kisses or grudge some more?” Lena huffed.

Kara smirked into the distance, then flicked her gaze to Lena. “I dont know, I’m still mad at you. I might grudge some more.”

“Oh yeah?” Lena cocked a brow, then brought her other knee up, crawling across the bed to where Kara was trying to hide her smile.

Lena pried Kara’s hands from her face, then crawled between Kara’s opened legs, spreading kisses along the soft skin of Kara’s shoulder. “How about now?” Lena asked.

“Yes,” Kara grumbled, her lips firmly in a pout and her arms across her chest in reluctance.

Lena sat back on her legs, pouting herself while offering Kara a faux saddened expression. “Is there anything I could do to help you not be mad at me?” She asked, quivering her lip for the dramatic effect.

Kara cocked her head to the side. “No. I’m pretty mad,” she insisted, giving Lena a playful smirk.

“Oh, I bet you are,” Lena whispered against Kara’s lips, pulling away teasingly just as Kara attempted to close the distance.

“ _Lena_ ,” Kara whined, her frown deepening.

Lena chuckled softly. “I thought you were mad at me,” she said teasingly, grasping Kara’s flannel shirt in her hands as she gently tugged Kara forward. The blonde rose to her hands and knees on the bed, following Lena’s gentle tugs down to the bed, like a puppy desperate for affection.

Lena placed a chaste kiss upon Kara’s lips as Kara settled herself hips atop Lena’s stomach.

“I can’t handle you sometimes...” Kara mumbled, shyly, interlocking her hands with Lena’s as the CEO sculpted her brow. “The way you make me feel, it’s... it’s like I’m drowning in everything I want to tell you, everything I want to do to you, but I’m already doing it, if that makes sense? Half the time I don’t even know how to act or what to say to you. I’m sorry, for tonight. It was perfect either way.”

Lena gave Kara a sympathetic look, reaching her hands underneath Kara’s sleep flannel to caress the exposed skin of Kara’s sharp hips. “Is that a good thing?” Lena asked hesitantly.

“Yes,” Kara replied without missing a beat. “I’ve never felt this way before. It’s all new to me and it’s just as scary as it is thrilling.”

Lena nodded, a small smile tugging at her lips. “If it makes you feel better, I’m scared too.”

“Scaredy-cat,” Kara teased, rocking her hips against Lena’s stomach. “How about...” Kara trailed, her hand rubbing her chin in thought, “...control freak.”

Lena’s arched brow was challenging enough to make Kara flush in embarrassment as she began back peddling. Lena gripped Kara’s hips hard, preventing the blonde from squirming away.

“I’m sorry, you’re-you’re not a control freak,” Kara blurted. But it was too late, Lena flipped Kara over onto the mattress, pinning the girl’s hands above her head, dropping her weight against Kara hips.

“Say that again,” Lena murmured, nipping at Kara’s ear, noticing the blonde’s sharp intake of breath.

Kara hesitated for second, clenching her eyes shut at the building sensation in her stomach, response from Lena‘s dominant affection. Her primal urge had been building since lunch time when Lena began her onslaught of teasing, but having Lena physically dominate her was almost too much. “Control...” Kara mumbled, stopping mid sentence as she felt Lena turn her attention to Kara’s exposed neck.

Litters of wet kisses were planted along the exposed skin, small nips here and there, encouraging Kara to continue, and Kara was not at all resisting the teasing.

“ _Freak!_ ” Kara gasped, just as she felt Lena’s teeth sink into the junction of her neck.

Lena’s gaze turned predatory, and Kara sunk underneath her, equally turned on and intimidated by her girlfriend. _Her girlfriend_.

“If you keep that up, you won’t even be able to stop what comes next,” Lena threatened, a smirk plastered to her face.

Kara gulped, taken back by Lena’s brazen attitude, but immensely turned on aswell. She squeezed her thighs together, generating no where near enough friction for the hungry beast rampaging between her legs. A million thoughts started swarming Kara’s mind of exactly all the things Lena was capable of. All the different images of what Lena could do or say to her left Kara desperate for relief.

Just when she thought Lena might continue with their little game, the girl flopped off of Kara altogether, sliding underneath the covers of Kara’s bed.

“You better get some sleep, love. We have a lot of work to do before the wedding. Sweet dreams,” Lena spoke, as though the last few minutes had never occurred.

Kara lay in shock, staring at the ceiling in utter disbelief as she tried to understand what exactly just happened. She shifted in her position, feeling the dampness that had generated between her legs.

 _Great_. Lena had left her high and dry, purposefully. But Kara did kind of deserve it, she felt. Kara tried her best to find comfort next to her girlfriend, spooning her without accidentally dry humping her. But every shift she made, every press of Lena’s backside against her centre had Kara inching just that little bit closer to an implosion.

It was going to be a long night, a sleepless night at that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry it’s been so long since I updated. I’ve been trying to improve my writing style while fighting writers block! I want to make these last chapters the best they can be. I’m thinking 1 or 2 more chapters until the end of this story!
> 
> Sorry again for more unsure Lena, and the whole “Lena needs love and validation” trope. I don’t normally support that notion because she’s a boss, but for this fiction and given previous chapters, I think it is needed as a constant to help both of them overcome the residual pain and unsureness. I tried exploring both their playful and serious dynamic as a couple, so hopefully I’ve done that justice aswell.
> 
> I ended up writting this chapter a few times to get it right. I’ve kinda taken to doing one-shot fictions aswell in my absence... so check them out if you wish :)
> 
> It’s unfortunate that this story is coming to an end because I have enjoyed telling it to you guys. This would not have even become reality had I not lost the works of a few fictions I had been working on prior to this. Good things really do come from bad things! 
> 
> If you have any questions or prompts for me (I’ve taken to one-shots recently), or want to know a little about me, my Twitter is always open @AiLaikHeda :)
> 
> P.S. I split this chapter in 2 because I figured I should update at least something cause it’s been so long. So most of next chapter is already written!


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